NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 26, 2019 8:34:57 GMT -5
I bought my razor from Dollar Shave Club. So no help with wet/dry shavers I didn't even know those were a thing.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 26, 2019 8:38:20 GMT -5
Hmm, I thought someone here mentioned using one for their daughter. I'll go check the tween thread.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 8:41:10 GMT -5
I mean I once took one of my kids naked except for a diaper to daycare. I was tired of having the fight and was like "I'm sure you guys have rules about nudity in the classroom good luck!" The director Tory couldn't even stop laughing long enough to lecture me. That made me smile Daycare I wouldn't hesitate but I worry about doing that at actual school. I texted her teacher and asked for the name of the new guidance counselor and I guess I'll start there. I just don't want her to hate school. I have a cousin that had to be dragged crying to school every day for years. She left as soon as she could at 16. Edit: to clarify I didn't go to school in the US so it's not like my cousin "dropped out". No-one graduates from HS in the UK. You can leave after your 4th, 5th, or 6th year depending on whether or not you want to go to University. I mean, maybe she’s the girl who wears pajamas all year. As long as they fit the dress code, honestly I’d just let her go in her pjs. But i also found the moments where i was fighting my kids into or out of clothing to be among the worst in my parenting experience. I hate feeling like I’m imposing my will on them, specifically on their bodies and it makes me physically ill. So that’s my bias going in.
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anciana
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Post by anciana on Aug 26, 2019 9:08:28 GMT -5
Can someone kindly link me to a good wet/dry shaver for dd11 please? I've heard these are good for beginners but don't know which one to buy and they're not super cheap so I don't want to have to buy a second one. Azucena, I just used the $10 one from Target: www.target.com/p/remington-compact-women-s-travel-electric-shaver-wsf4810d/-/A-21418548
It is inexpensive so no worries if it breaks or gets lost when trying out new things. DD still doesn't use it but we're close. I've used it and it's OK. The batteries don't seem to last as long as I'd like them.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 9:09:46 GMT -5
That made me smile Daycare I wouldn't hesitate but I worry about doing that at actual school. I texted her teacher and asked for the name of the new guidance counselor and I guess I'll start there. I just don't want her to hate school. I have a cousin that had to be dragged crying to school every day for years. She left as soon as she could at 16. Edit: to clarify I didn't go to school in the US so it's not like my cousin "dropped out". No-one graduates from HS in the UK. You can leave after your 4th, 5th, or 6th year depending on whether or not you want to go to University. I mean, maybe she’s the girl who wears pajamas all year. As long as they fit the dress code, honestly I’d just let her go in her pjs. But i also found the moments where i was fighting my kids into or out of clothing to be among the worst in my parenting experience. I hate feeling like I’m imposing my will on them, specifically on their bodies and it makes me physically ill. So that’s my bias going in. I'm glad it's not just me. I am fortunate to have had a secure and abuse free childhood and am providing the same for my daughters so it's not as if this morning was any sort of 'trigger' (on an unrelated note, I loathe the expression 'trigger warning' or 'triggering'). It's going to be a long time before I get over physically undressing my child. She's not a baby or toddler, she needs to be able to have control over whether or not she is naked.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 26, 2019 9:34:40 GMT -5
My sister hated school to the point of being physically sick everyday. I saw a facebook post she made about how that was the beginning of her suicidal thoughts but she couldn't put it into words, so I'm hyper-sensitive to how the kids are reacting to school. I wish I had insisted on a different 2nd grade teacher. I knew he was with the yeller, but everyone including C thought things were okay, but it was really just the boiling frog and he's hated school ever since. I started offering different school options last year including home schooling and so far he hasn't wanted to take us up on it. There is a family we're quasi-friends with whose oldest daughter (3rd grade) decided to be homeschooled this year. 2nd child is still at the elementary school with E, so I wonder if that will change C's mind that he see's that set up. So far this year, the how was school question is answered with, "good. Well, boring" but I'll take it.
All that to say...I really have no ideas. I like the idea of letting her go in pj's. Or trying to get her to wear regular clothes to bed. Fewer fights in the morning are always a win. We don't do screen time before school which I think helps C feel like home is just as boring as school. E loves school still, but in the mornings it seems like her shyness resets. She won't play and she doesn't want us to leave until she's in the building. It drives me bonkers, but I'm trying to just roll with it and let her have that control.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 26, 2019 9:49:13 GMT -5
I know a lot of people in HS who lived in pajamas. As long as it doesn't violate the dress code I don't care, I gave up that fight. She did learn to listen to me in the winter though because if she is not dressed appropriate she can't go outside. I do fight with her over shoes because I get tired of 20+ emails from the P.E. teacher about how she has to wear sneakers. I compromise and will let her take her sneakers in her back pack on P.E. days as opposed to wearing them all day but she has to have them with her on those days.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 9:53:12 GMT -5
I mean, maybe she’s the girl who wears pajamas all year. As long as they fit the dress code, honestly I’d just let her go in her pjs. But i also found the moments where i was fighting my kids into or out of clothing to be among the worst in my parenting experience. I hate feeling like I’m imposing my will on them, specifically on their bodies and it makes me physically ill. So that’s my bias going in. I'm glad it's not just me. I am fortunate to have had a secure and abuse free childhood and am providing the same for my daughters so it's not as if this morning was any sort of 'trigger' (on an unrelated note, I loathe the expression 'trigger warning' or 'triggering'). It's going to be a long time before I get over physically undressing my child. She's not a baby or toddler, she needs to be able to have control over whether or not she is naked. Interested related note: trigger warnings in a recent study were found to cause more anxiety and panic responses than just not providing the warning and letting people stumble in unaware. Interesting stuff. I also was not abused, and of course I want my kids also to not be abused. But forcibly undressing my kid is the closest I've ever come to feeling like an abuser. It really is just horrifying to me, I feel like I'm violating them. It's one of the main reasons that 99% of the time I just let them wear literally whatever they want to wherever they want. Edit: Triggering is a very real thing for those with PTSD and anxiety disorders, and I don't actually agree with your loathing of the word or concept because it's happened to me and it's terrible. But the study above is interesting nonetheless.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 9:59:15 GMT -5
I've decided to let her go in PJ's and my husband suggested sleeping in clothes. I like both ideas, however, I don't think that's really the issue. She didn't want to get dressed because she didn't want to go to school. If it wasn't clothing it would have been something else. She loves her teacher and gets on well with classmates; I don't have any social fears on her behalf. I suspect it is all connected to her struggling to read and I can't help with that issue other than encouraging her and making sure she knows it will all come in time.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Aug 26, 2019 10:00:59 GMT -5
My youngest girl (she'll be 7 on Sunday) was sobbing again about going to school. She likes all the people just not the "stuff" she has to do at school. She refused to get dressed and I told her if she didn't I would pull off her pajamas and make her get dressed. I am NEVER doing that again. I think I'm going to warn her teacher that she might show up at school one day in her PJ's with clothes in her backpack. I just don't know what to do. What grade is she going into? DS boycotted first grade. He got the old, battle ax teacher that was not fun. So, he decided he was not going to school. Fine. I wasn't dragging a 60/70 lb child around. I emptied his room except for his clothes and a few books and there he stayed.
He was at home for most of one day, and then went back to school normally the next day. It took the guidance counselor calling and saying "you need to be in school" for him to show up. The rest of the week, a school counselor or aide would meet DS and I, then separate us, and the school person would deliver him to the class room. Then it was all good.
Now, the peanut fussing about clothing would mean something deeper is going on. That's her feelings...it could be anxiety about school, or it could be that she was pissed off about that one time 4 months ago where grandma didn't buy her a cookie at an ice cream shop..or that one time 4 years ago when her brother was a jerk to her. I would set aside some time where you can get 1:1 time with your DD and see if she'll open up about what's going on. "Stuff" at school is pretty general. Is it a specific subject? Is she anxious about homework and missing down time? Is there a big project due that's causing anxiety? Second grade around here is huge. There's math timed tests, First Holy Communion Prep, learning cursive, and at the end of the year, a 10 page report (in cursive) is due on a country. Formal book reports are also introduced.
But, if you can get better details, you know how to help better and work with her. It might be as simple as tweaking the after school schedule a little bit. (Our schedule is always play for a bit on the playground, home snack/couple minutes of downtime, then homework.) Or figuring out a way to support a subject or task she feels she's not good in. Or being extra attentive about playdates for the first month or so, so she sees she can still have a balance of school and not school.... In the heat of the moment, it all sucks. I get it. It's so frustrating.
(BTW, I know I still owe you about orchestra wear..I'll PM you today.)
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 10:12:08 GMT -5
I'm glad it's not just me. I am fortunate to have had a secure and abuse free childhood and am providing the same for my daughters so it's not as if this morning was any sort of 'trigger' (on an unrelated note, I loathe the expression 'trigger warning' or 'triggering'). It's going to be a long time before I get over physically undressing my child. She's not a baby or toddler, she needs to be able to have control over whether or not she is naked. Interested related note: trigger warnings in a recent study were found to cause more anxiety and panic responses than just not providing the warning and letting people stumble in unaware. Interesting stuff. I also was not abused, and of course I want my kids also to not be abused. But forcibly undressing my kid is the closest I've ever come to feeling like an abuser. It really is just horrifying to me, I feel like I'm violating them. It's one of the main reasons that 99% of the time I just let them wear literally whatever they want to wherever they want. Edit: Triggering is a very real thing for those with PTSD and anxiety disorders, and I don't actually agree with your loathing of the word or concept because it's happened to me and it's terrible. But the study above is interesting nonetheless. First, yes I agree with you physically undressing my daughter this morning was horrifying and the closest I've ever felt to being abusive. I will never do that again regardless of what she ends up wearing to school. Second, I agree that triggering is a real concept. What bothers me is how the word is used about trivial issues and undermines the very real distress caused by significant trauma. As an example, during the 2016 campaign students at Emory University (close to where I live) complained that they were 'triggered' because someone had written Vote Trump in chalk on the sidewalk. I was torn between laughing at them and being angry that they were essentially putting themselves in the same category as, for example, a vet with PTSD opening up a newspaper and seeing images of the latest carnage.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 26, 2019 10:12:48 GMT -5
I've decided to let her go in PJ's and my husband suggested sleeping in clothes. I like both ideas, however, I don't think that's really the issue. She didn't want to get dressed because she didn't want to go to school. If it wasn't clothing it would have been something else. She loves her teacher and gets on well with classmates; I don't have any social fears on her behalf. I suspect it is all connected to her struggling to read and I can't help with that issue other than encouraging her and making sure she knows it will all come in time. Hugs. That is so tough. She will get it, but it's really hard when you're off of the groups time table. There was a little boy from E's class last year that was having that kind of morning. I saw him run off the playground with grandma following and thought they just forgot something. When I came around the corner to drop C's kit off in the office, he was with the principle crying, clinging to grandma and refusing to go in. No progress when I passed them again on my way out.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 10:18:56 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. You're all being very kind and supportive, as always.
I heard from her teacher and it looks like we are thinking the same thing:
"I have a feeling it has to do with reading. She's still requiring a lot of help while other friends of hers are working independently. She gets upset when I have to help her in a group. When she gets something or understands a concept I give her verbal praise in front of the others to try to help bolster her confidence."
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 26, 2019 10:20:53 GMT -5
Dsis and I took the kids to comic-con yesterday. Dsis dressed up like sadness again which is such a huge hit. She had over a dozen people stop her and ask for a picture and the little kids just adored her. C dressed up as link and with this trial run, we'll have the costume perfected by halloween. E was her own princess again. Had a greek goddess dress, with a cat on her arm (sewed the cat to a cut off sock) and a curtain rod for a staff. I bought the kids each a zelda foam sword, otherwise they spent their own money and did really well with it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 26, 2019 10:56:36 GMT -5
Speaking of clothes I found out I can shop at the same stores as Gwen. We were at Justice and I saw a flannel shirt in a shade of pale pink that appealed to me, turns out I can wear an 18 plus from that store.
The look on DH's face was pretty good. He said honestly he's jealous I can still fit into clothes designed for girls half my age and younger. He'd kill to be able to fit into clothes he wore when he was 18.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 11:30:17 GMT -5
I've decided to let her go in PJ's and my husband suggested sleeping in clothes. I like both ideas, however, I don't think that's really the issue. She didn't want to get dressed because she didn't want to go to school. If it wasn't clothing it would have been something else. She loves her teacher and gets on well with classmates; I don't have any social fears on her behalf. I suspect it is all connected to her struggling to read and I can't help with that issue other than encouraging her and making sure she knows it will all come in time. Yeah, been, well not exactly there but close. Has she been evaluated for a learning disability? I'm not remembering the history here so sorry if you've already said. I think the guidance counselor is a great first step.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 12:05:58 GMT -5
She's not been evaluated for a learning disability. Her teacher doesn't suspect one and there's no history of learning disabilities on either my or my husband's side. I know that these can pop up unexpectedly but there can also be a strong genetic component. She's a very stubborn child and likes to be in control and I think it's distressing to her that other children are further ahead.
I've been going back and forth with her teacher this morning who mentioned that a student in another class went to Kumon for reading and her teacher noticed a marked improvement. She said "Jane gets so embarrassed when I work with her and other students are around. That one on one, private situation may be beneficial to her". I just made an assessment appointment for Wednesday.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 12:48:51 GMT -5
She's not been evaluated for a learning disability. Her teacher doesn't suspect one and there's no history of learning disabilities on either my or my husband's side. I know that these can pop up unexpectedly but there can also be a strong genetic component. She's a very stubborn child and likes to be in control and I think it's distressing to her that other children are further ahead. I've been going back and forth with her teacher this morning who mentioned that a student in another class went to Kumon for reading and her teacher noticed a marked improvement. She said "Jane gets so embarrassed when I work with her and other students are around. That one on one, private situation may be beneficial to her". I just made an assessment appointment for Wednesday. Poor babes. That's so tough.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 13:12:29 GMT -5
Thanks Pants, I've been trying not to cry all day. Part of it is I want to help her so badly and the other part is that I know I made the wrong decision in forcing her to get dressed this morning. I wish I could take it back and just send her in her PJ's.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 26, 2019 13:14:36 GMT -5
Thanks Pants , I've been trying not to cry all day. Part of it is I want to help her so badly and the other part is that I know I made the wrong decision in forcing her to get dressed this morning. I wish I could take it back and just send her in her PJ's. Apologize to her when you pick her up. Tell her you were wrong. Take a sucky day and make it an example so she knows everyone screws up. Make something positive out of it.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 26, 2019 13:16:47 GMT -5
I will. I agree that it's important to let children know that parents recognize when they make a mistake.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Aug 26, 2019 14:05:51 GMT -5
Definitely apologize as others have said.
Also focus on what she is good at and how other children may not have that particular talent. Maybe she doesn't read as well but she can draw, hit a ball, etc so much better and that's awesome because everyone's differences makes the world better.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 18:53:41 GMT -5
Thanks Pants , I've been trying not to cry all day. Part of it is I want to help her so badly and the other part is that I know I made the wrong decision in forcing her to get dressed this morning. I wish I could take it back and just send her in her PJ's. Hope you guys are in a better spot tonight. I also hate the days where I feel like I've done something wrong or laid down some edict I can't walk back and then realized it's a mistake. B is having a rough time - anxiety, social stuff. I've been trying to get her to say ONE good thing about her day after school. I figure if I can get her to find just one thing each day maybe she will start to try to find more good things? I do it for myself too and it's been amazing how talking positively, out loud about my day really actually helps me as well. Even if I had a rough day, thinking of ways to find a positive spin has been really helpful in turning my mood around. If it's helpful maybe a place to start? Wishing good things for you guys.
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oped
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Post by oped on Aug 26, 2019 19:05:29 GMT -5
gs11... how old is she? I Hate Kumon. I wouldn’t waste the money and inevitable fighting myself.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 19:47:17 GMT -5
gs11... how old is she? I Hate Kumon. I wouldn’t waste the money and inevitable fighting myself. For us, the more I try to do with B, the more fighting there is. Given the same situation I would definitely get a tutor or even just someone to read with her. She will just fight me, specifically, to the ends of the earth.
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oped
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Post by oped on Aug 26, 2019 19:57:17 GMT -5
In Kumon the ‘teacher’ checks work and assigns more work... paper packets of math facts/ algorithm problems, or reading passages/worksheet... the parent still oversees the kids doing the work between meetings.
I have more experience with the math than reading but worksheets of lower level cognitive skills is not fun for me to watch let alone do.
Everyone should do what works for them. Tutor maybe. I’d never pay for Kumon myself, or inflict it on a child... yes I know that was a loaded word.
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oped
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Post by oped on Aug 26, 2019 20:14:32 GMT -5
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 26, 2019 21:10:21 GMT -5
Poor Abby. We went to back to school night and she got to meet her teacher,find her locker and desk.
All good till she had to go potty. I'm waiting outside the door when I hear "MOMMY HELP I broke it!".
I open the door to find her in tears totally panicked because the front had popped off the soap dispenser.
I helped her fix it and the teacher assured her she didn't break it. Took awhile to calm her down.
Made me think of when I locked myself in my dorm bathroom the first day because I forgot the code. Kid inherited my luck.
Hopefully tomorrow is better.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Aug 26, 2019 21:35:58 GMT -5
Update on us: B has been in school for a week. We've talked to the psychologist and they are starting the evaluation for a 504 plan. I've also spoken to her therapist about potential accommodations and they are mostly for her anxiety. She's just anxious in class all day long. Talking about allowing her a fidget toy and breaks, as well as starting social skills group with the school social worker. The only academic accommodation at this point would be written rather than oral quizzes because her memory is so terrible. Plus she's doing outside therapy and social skills group. She just started meds so we are playing around with that.
Meanwhile ive also gotten therapy going for me, joined a parent support group (not sure I like that one, tbd) and started medication as well. One of my primary goals for ADHD therapy is being a more present and patient parent. It's hard. B and I just spark off each other and then it's an inferno without even knowing how it happened. As part of trying to deal with that, I've abdicated B's bedtime and reading to DH. Trying to read with her, we both just get so frustrated, so just removing that whole situation. Not exactly more present, but more pleasant for both of us.
So that's where we are at.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Aug 26, 2019 21:50:56 GMT -5
Azucena: Don't push the panic button yet. My eldest didn't read until he was 8. It was as if his brain wasn't ready yet. When he did start reading, he picked up a book and became fantastic at it. We also had to find books that interested him. He liked cut aways and how to books.
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