oped
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Post by oped on Feb 3, 2019 10:58:20 GMT -5
You know when you just tune into the last post to see if you've missed anything... and the first thing you process is "no puking and stools are regular without much issue" ...
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 3, 2019 11:34:30 GMT -5
Drama -- I'd tackle the food issues separately from the attitude. Discuss consequences for being rude and maybe even privileges for demonstrating manners and being kind. I'm with you on not wanting to make food an issue, but...it's tough sometimes.
I'm never above bribery. Our new years resolution was to eat more vegetables so we added eating 3 colors of vegetables per day to their charts for earning screen time. I'm surprised how much it has taken hold. We've found more veggies we really don't like, but still added a bigger variety to our regular menu. E packed her own lunch on Friday and had half her lunch box veggies (1 section was pickles, but it still counts!) Maybe bring in a reward for healthy/new choices.
Our old housemates had crazy amounts of issues with foods that drove me nuts, but they also introduced us to a great dessert that has repeatedly gotten us out of ice cream/junk food cycles. Apple sauce smiley faces. Dinner sized place with a thin layer of apple sauce, then a variety of fruit fresh and frozen in bowls that they can make their own face with. Made more fun by taking pictures of kid with final creation.
We also allowed the short order cook stuff to go on for a long time. Once I started cooking more often (and influenced by some bad attitude of the kids) we decided that if you don't want the dinner provided, you cannot be rude about it, but you can make yourself a pb&j. Dh and I won't be making it though and its not a free for all for anything in the kitchen.
And one last thought... We have a friend who has vegan-ized the school lunch menu for her son. He seemed to be a little self conscious because his lunch was always so different than everyone elses, so now he eats the same thing, except obviously completely different. Maybe you can find healthier copy cat recipes of the stuff they like as a way to transitition but still let them feel like they have control and are getting what they want.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 3, 2019 11:41:08 GMT -5
C seems to be channeling his inner teenager. He was fighting with me about changing clothes* and then told me "I just don't want you in my business!" I told him I'm going to put that on one of those big wooden pinterest signs and hang it in the kitchen.
*wtf is the fight of bathing about and now clean clothes? I'd seriously take my 3 year old woes back if this is what the next 10 years is going to be like.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 3, 2019 12:13:05 GMT -5
C seems to be channeling his inner teenager. He was fighting with me about changing clothes* and then told me "I just don't want you in my business!" I told him I'm going to put that on one of those big wooden pinterest signs and hang it in the kitchen. *wtf is the fight of bathing about and now clean clothes? I'd seriously take my 3 year old woes back if this is what the next 10 years is going to be like. Wait until he douses himself with cologne with 15 minutes before the bus comes :/
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 3, 2019 13:24:47 GMT -5
Planning on taking all the girls skating. We did not go last night. I will more be walking and holding them up. Tempted to try and convince DH to go and I will take a nap. Not having a lot of hope on that one.
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oped
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Post by oped on Feb 3, 2019 13:37:52 GMT -5
Our ice skating rink has what are basically ice walkers for kids.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 3, 2019 17:08:12 GMT -5
This was roller skating, but year this was the first time I saw the "walkers" for skating. ODD was fine she had gone a few times and is pretty coordinated. YDD this was her 2nd time, and the last time she had the little skates that went over her shoes. We got one of the walkers and she used that to start with. She ran into a friend, it was her first time, but they were out of the walkers so she shared hers. By that time she was able to do pretty well on the carpet areas without it. By the end of the skate she was doing okay, her and her friend would take turns with the walker. ODD mostly stayed with A's daughter. I kept regular shoes on and just kept and eye on YDD. Afterwards A treated us all to milkshakes. DH went on a cleaning spree in the kitchen and down stairs while we were gone. Now it is just chilling and watching a movie.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 3, 2019 17:09:59 GMT -5
ODD went through a I don't want to bath stage, and a I want to wear the same clothes for as many days as I can stage. Now she takes hour long baths. I don't know what it was all about. I can't remember not wanting to bath or change.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Feb 3, 2019 19:48:18 GMT -5
Applesauce smileys sound like fun. I'm all about bribery to try new things. I use a daily gummy vitamin to get DS to eat veggies, or an animal cracker at the bottom of a snack cup. I laugh at the pre-child version of myself who thought kids will eat what you give them. Kids will starve themselves, and remember the thing they had that one time, or the thing Daniel Tiger was eating. They will scream for it all night, go to bed hungry little monsters, and wakeup crying for milk at 1am. My best strategy is just to fix a variety of things and give it to them before they are hungry enough to think about what they want.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 3, 2019 20:05:33 GMT -5
Only been a couple weeks and I'm sick of the car drama. It's not my fault DH blew up his car which has my dad pissed (4 days of work and $400) and DH is pissed claiming it's mt dads fault.
One of the cars is fixable. We're not sure which yet. My dad needs the time to look and has his own stuff going on with getting a reopening of my great uncle's restaurant open. Taking either to a mechanic would cost more than they are worth.
DH doesn't want to drive my old car cause the heater doesn't work. He joked we should switch. Not funny nor the right time to make that joke.
So we are carpooling. That won't work forever either. My mom is mad about having to get up earlier.
We absolutely cannot afford another car. We'll have $300 to our name at the end of every month. Everything that is not a bill will have to come out of that. The bare minimum earliest is November we could look.
Then there is uncertainty around DHs job. I cannot give details because it's confidential but it may result in him not having a job anymore. We don't know and won't know for several more months.
On top of that the toilet flooded. Cause why not?
I'm so furious about not having money. Granted we still did not have a ton but so much has gone to DHs habits that could have gone to this. THIS is what an EF was for not to cover bills thanks to DH having a problem.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 3, 2019 20:32:22 GMT -5
Only been a couple weeks and I'm sick of the car drama. It's not my fault DH blew up his car which has my dad pissed (4 days of work and $400) and DH is pissed claiming it's mt dads fault. One of the cars is fixable. We're not sure which yet. My dad needs the time to look and has his own stuff going on with getting a reopening of my great uncle's restaurant open. Taking either to a mechanic would cost more than they are worth. DH doesn't want to drive my old car cause the heater doesn't work. He joked we should switch. Not funny nor the right time to make that joke. So we are carpooling. That won't work forever either. My mom is mad about having to get up earlier. We absolutely cannot afford another car. We'll have $300 to our name at the end of every month. Everything that is not a bill will have to come out of that. The bare minimum earliest is November we could look. Then there is uncertainty around DHs job. I cannot give details because it's confidential but it may result in him not having a job anymore. We don't know and won't know for several more months. On top of that the toilet flooded. Cause why not? I'm so furious about not having money. Granted we still did not have a ton but so much has gone to DHs habits that could have gone to this. THIS is what an EF was for not to cover bills thanks to DH having a problem. Drama, I am so sorry. Have you told your DH any of this? And he’s about to lose another job? Jesus. I’m so so sorry.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 3, 2019 21:44:47 GMT -5
We don't know for sure. None of this is his doing.
I'm sure he is aware of his actions. I don't see a point in rubbing it in. I've made it clear it's MY car that I've rightly earned something nice. I'm not sacrificing again.
He can go car less for awhile. Both cars can go at least another year the question is which one. Having to wait on my dad is good for DH. He needs to learn choices and actions have consequences.
It sucks to be along for the ride. I told my dad once and I'll remind him again this is between him and DH. I get it I don't need a lecture or to be put in the middle. I took care of the Impala we both know it's age catching up to it.
The Pontiac I can't control. DH is a grown adult I can nag him about taking care of his stuff till I'm blue in the face but the responsibility is his.
It's all really bad timing and I'm tired of everyone around me expecting me to be the responsible one and getting shit when stuff goes wrong.
I AM responsible. That's why I have a new car. That's why by the grace of God we're not in the red despite it all. I'd like some fucking credit instead of getting shit because my husband hasn't met a piece of machinery he hasn't been able to damn near literally blow up.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Feb 3, 2019 22:28:31 GMT -5
So, it sounds like it is time for our DH to start looking for another job?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 3, 2019 22:42:13 GMT -5
So, it sounds like it is time for our DH to start looking for another job? No. It would be grounds for immediate termination at the moment. How would they know you ask? Well after what happened with that chick calling my supervisor and ratting me out at the hospital we trust NO ONE. If it happened once it can happen again. We can wait till April. It's a gamble but based on info so far I think it's a gamble worth taking. I would be sick if we blew a major opportunity out of panic.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Feb 3, 2019 22:56:58 GMT -5
So sorry Drama. You’ve definitely earned a break. I hope you get one soon.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2019 23:11:43 GMT -5
Only been a couple weeks and I'm sick of the car drama. It's not my fault DH blew up his car which has my dad pissed (4 days of work and $400) and DH is pissed claiming it's mt dads fault.One of the cars is fixable. We're not sure which yet. My dad needs the time to look and has his own stuff going on with getting a reopening of my great uncle's restaurant open. Taking either to a mechanic would cost more than they are worth. DH doesn't want to drive my old car cause the heater doesn't work. He joked we should switch. Not funny nor the right time to make that joke. So we are carpooling. That won't work forever either. My mom is mad about having to get up earlier. We absolutely cannot afford another car. We'll have $300 to our name at the end of every month. Everything that is not a bill will have to come out of that. The bare minimum earliest is November we could look. Then there is uncertainty around DHs job. I cannot give details because it's confidential but it may result in him not having a job anymore. We don't know and won't know for several more months. On top of that the toilet flooded. Cause why not? I'm so furious about not having money. Granted we still did not have a ton but so much has gone to DHs habits that could have gone to this. THIS is what an EF was for not to cover bills thanks to DH having a problem. First it was his mother talking trash about your Dad's mechanical abilities, now your husband is blaming your Dad for whatever is wrong with the car now, right? Sheesh! If your husband feels that way, he can hustle up some money to take one of the cars to a mechanic and leave your Dad out of it completely. Work OT or find a (legal) hustle like a lot of people do to supplement their income. Does he have skills that people would be willing to pay for? Is he any good at handy man type of work? I'm pretty sure I would've been harping on that a LONG time ago if my SO was constantly putting unnecessary strain on the family's finances and stressing me out with things that could be avoided. I understand things happen and people make mistakes, but come on man! Start cleaning up your own messes and start helping to resolve problems period, instead of putting all the stress and worry on your wife to figure shit out and make shit happen. Drama, you keep trying to figure out the money and how to keep the family afloat, your Dad tries to help keep the cars running, your Mom helps with the children and pitches in even more even when it's inconvenient for her, what does hubby do to be part of the solution to problems, besides complain?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 4, 2019 8:25:48 GMT -5
Not much. He quit drugs. I'd have to read the paperwork to see if DH getting a second job could be construed as a backdoor attempt to jump ship. I told him we need legal counsel on this to make sure we're not getting hosed. The president of the company is encouraging everyone to do so.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 4, 2019 10:18:44 GMT -5
Your dh needs to read the paperwork and discuss options with you.
Him complaining about your dad helping with the cars and not being willing to drive the car without heat (but is fine with letting you drive it indefinitely) is selfish af.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 4, 2019 10:26:05 GMT -5
Your dh needs to read the paperwork and discuss options with you. Him complaining about your dad helping with the cars and not being willing to drive the car without heat (but is fine with letting you drive it indefinitely) is selfish af. yeah, talk about biting the hand (and arm and shoulder) that feeds you!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 4, 2019 10:43:59 GMT -5
Your dh needs to read the paperwork and discuss options with you. Him complaining about your dad helping with the cars and not being willing to drive the car without heat (but is fine with letting you drive it indefinitely) is selfish af. We've been reading it and discussing it. I told him I'm making copies and will keep them in the safe. Its stated he cannot be looking for other jobs at this time if he wants to be retained. I'm assuming that includes moonlighting because you can't really prove it's not setting up a jump. That's for a legal person to say for sure. Since Ive only stayed at a Holiday Inn I prefer to be safe rather than sorry. I think he should follow the rules and stay put. The last thing that needs to happen is he acts before thinking again. So far we're in agreement. Does not mean no homework is going on but no applying or interviewing till after April. We could not afford a leak. Come April depending on the situation then yeah all bets are off. And yes a second job at that time will also be on the table. Not me. Him.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Feb 4, 2019 10:55:06 GMT -5
I guess I'm old fashioned but I've always thought that a man's first duty is to care for and about his family. I find it really shocking that he would even jokingly suggest he drive your newer car, leaving you to take an older car with no heat.
He has to take responsibility for his own screw ups. He needs suck it up and take care of his family. He needs to be a man. I hope you know how really special and wonderful you truly are. Sending love and hugs and prayers of support.
ETA - you drove the Impala with no heat for how long?
Also, I'd consider saying no to carpooling because it disrupts your entire family plus your parents.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 4, 2019 11:00:21 GMT -5
I believe that is a husband and father's first duty, too. To put family ahead of self.
A psychologist friend told me that people who do a lot of drugs as teens/young adults tend to get emotionally stunted, not maturing out of the phase they're in when they get involved in the drugs. I think this is true, as I've seen it with others. Your DH, DramaQ, isn't showing the maturity you have a right to expect. Hang in there.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Feb 4, 2019 12:11:26 GMT -5
One other question- how does he keep blowing car engines?
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 4, 2019 13:02:39 GMT -5
One other question- how does he keep blowing car engines? I assume he's ignoring maintenance and any lights that come on the dashboard. But I don't know if I'm remembering stuff or just making assumptions.
Hugs Drama. I hope things are better, soon. *-*- On to another topic, where do you go for dresses? K needs a dress for a wedding. She's not in the wedding party and I told her she'd get a fancy dress. We're going to go shopping with my sister in March. She's in 5th grade and starting to develop curves. I did ask if she's got any colors or styles in mind and she wants springtime colors. And to avoid purple (wedding party is wearing plum) but no style mentioned.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 4, 2019 13:06:46 GMT -5
I'm not sure on the dresses Beth, but good luck!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 4, 2019 13:12:26 GMT -5
One other question- how does he keep blowing car engines? That is a question that will have to be answered by future anthropologists and philosophers because I have no fucking clue. My car has had a coolant leak for awhile. It's approaching too old to be safe to drive. Dad can repair it but eventually the car will rust out. Part of that is the heater goes in and out. It was only last week that was a big enough issue. DH is one of those people that if it turns on he keeps going. Then panics when it doesn't. My dad is rightly pissed that the second time DH did not immediately pull over in the Pontiac and have the car towed. Instead he kept driving to his parents. I was at work I had no idea. If I'd been with him I would have ordered him to pull over. We get reimbursed for tows so it's not a big deal. Nope. So he may have ruined the engine after dad spent 4 days on it and we spent $400. He is not sure he can save it. My dad can make no promises the old Impala is drivable. It remains to be seen if the Pontiac can be saved. I accept we may have to carpool indefinitely. I'm just sick of his bitching. I get it but since this situation largely points back to you both in terms of no money and damaged car I feel like he should be thinking real hard about hosting a pity party right now.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 4, 2019 13:13:28 GMT -5
One other question- how does he keep blowing car engines? I assume he's ignoring maintenance and any lights that come on the dashboard. But I don't know if I'm remembering stuff or just making assumptions.
Hugs Drama. I hope things are better, soon. *-*- On to another topic, where do you go for dresses? K needs a dress for a wedding. She's not in the wedding party and I told her she'd get a fancy dress. We're going to go shopping with my sister in March. She's in 5th grade and starting to develop curves. I did ask if she's got any colors or styles in mind and she wants springtime colors. And to avoid purple (wedding party is wearing plum) but no style mentioned.
How fancy? I've seen cute ones at Walmart and Children's Place.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 4, 2019 13:19:22 GMT -5
I don't know how fancy. Just Midwest wedding fancy. Basically, a dress she likes and wants that's not going to cost the earth. I think she's planning on wearing it for Easter too, since she mentioned spring/Easter colors. Plus she's got some kind of ceremony for graduating in June, so she may wear it 3 times in a couple of months.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Feb 4, 2019 13:21:55 GMT -5
I assume he's ignoring maintenance and any lights that come on the dashboard. But I don't know if I'm remembering stuff or just making assumptions.
Hugs Drama. I hope things are better, soon. *-*- On to another topic, where do you go for dresses? K needs a dress for a wedding. She's not in the wedding party and I told her she'd get a fancy dress. We're going to go shopping with my sister in March. She's in 5th grade and starting to develop curves. I did ask if she's got any colors or styles in mind and she wants springtime colors. And to avoid purple (wedding party is wearing plum) but no style mentioned.
How fancy? I've seen cute ones at Walmart and Children's Place. We find church dresses for my 10 yo at Kohls in the junior dept.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 4, 2019 13:29:35 GMT -5
E came home sick again today. Went to the office with a stomach ache and had a (very) low grade fever along with it. It wasn't over the limit, but with the stomachache we went to get her. She's napping now, so I'm more inclined that this is part of a bug, but still not sure about the recurring stomachaches. C got really sick really over the course of 30 minutes last night, fever spiked, he fell asleep and when he woke up a few hours later was back to normal. Felt okay enough for school today.
First the doctors office can get her in is next Monday. I tried to get orders to do the blood test this week so we'd have results in when we go in, but they have to see her first. She also has to be eating gluten for those tests so at least I don't have to make any diet changes for her at this point.
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