raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 27, 2019 13:32:44 GMT -5
I don't really know on the sleep thing, but C is definitely staying up later and later and he's not even 10 yet. We've never been strict on bedtimes and just gone on how the kids feel. E is tired about 630-7 and C could stay up until 9-10. School nights I have him in bed sooner and I've told him my bedtime is 9pm so I can be up by 5am so he has to be in bed by too, but come summer I'm sure all those rules will go out the window.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 27, 2019 13:39:03 GMT -5
Sounds good to me geena. I wouldn't worry. fwiw my kids do talk at all hours to people online, because they have friends from all over the world and are teens, but i 'know' most of them to some degree, so i'm ok with that, my minimal involvement was always a condition of continued access...
Ok. Here is one for you. gah.
My daughter has always been very involved in lgbt rights issues. She is very insistent on not putting a label on her own sexuality (or maybe all the labels?) ... fine here. A lot of her friends are the same way. The only issue i find is keeping track of pronouns honestly. Its that time of life when they explore who they are and this is part of that modern experience i think... the time we are in.
So. I have wondered for a bit if my daughter is so invested in a nontraditional path that she would reject anything resembling a traditional path. For instance. She has a boyfriend. Everyone says he's her boyfriend. She interacts with him as if he is her boyfriend. He seems invested to that point, sending her love letters, etc. I have frequently said, does G know he's not your boyfriend, cause... she insists they talk about it and are on the same page.
BUT she has now twice, three times? said she and G are just going to get married so they can 'scam the government' out of college money... this last time did not seem like the big joke it was the first time and i'm trying to decide if she is serious or not... gah, 17 year olds.
I'll be damned if she is going to enter into a 'pretend marriage' in order to avoid the suggestion she might be straight... ? Is that what is going on here? ... Is she just finally deciding to be one of those kids who will drive me crazy....
It has been a struggle lately. I am not sure why. I feel like her maturity level has dropped considerably since she decided to go to school. I feel like I wish i had made some different choices at that point but now, we are what, months from graduation... sigh.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 27, 2019 13:58:06 GMT -5
Hugs, Muttley. It's never easy even when you know it's the best choice. ♡
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 27, 2019 14:00:07 GMT -5
I'm going with congratulations for NomoreDramaQ1015 .
I'm so sorry, muttleynfelix .
geenamercile , are you able to track her work completion/progress? With our online school, I can track both minutes logged in and completion of assignments. I wouldn't worry about there sleeping schedule as long as she is getting enough sleep. I'd love to not start traditional school until 9:30am. That's what tweens & teenagers need. Yep, I can see how much time she spent on each part of the lesson, as well as when she started it and when she finished it, and of course how she did on it. If there is something she didn't do well on we can discuss it, work on it together and then I can reset it for her to do online again. I can also see the lessons before and her answers on them. She mostly stays in high 80s for her scores. I know that she could put in some more effort and most likely would be higher in her scores if she took a some more time, but at the same time not stressing it. She has better writing in her role playing then in the work she does for the school program . Next year, I am really considering skipping their 8th grade curriculum and just starting her on the high school one. She was already on the route to take algebra and Spanish in 8th grade, and was in the honors English so the only difference is she will do Earth Science instead of 8th grade science and World Geography instead of the Civics class. Anything in the civics class is covered again in Government and Economics which she will take in high school. I am able to choose from their curriculum on what she does each day, so I can balance that as well. I do think the friend thing was an issue. I thought about dragging her butt to the school I work at next year. Being a teacher there, they waive the out of district fee. But I don't think socially it would make a difference. The school is about 400-500 kids less then the one here, but I think she will still be an outsider there as well. There are some homeschool groups that we are going to sign her up for as well. One is an art class, and we may start doing some type of martial arts as a family too.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 27, 2019 14:06:22 GMT -5
In my case I would try my best to remain neutral because it's possible she's looking for a response and the more dramatic you get the more invested she's going to become. I'd reinforce I have no problems with her being fluid but that doesn't mean she gets to be a dick about it. Part of being a decent human being is making sure those around us aren't operating under false pretenses and we don't use them to get our way in life. Joking about marrying someone to scam the government is not funny. Actually considering it makes it even worse.
If she is planning on college I would take her to meet with an FA advisor. She might not be as enchanted with that idea if she has someone explain how the rules actually work and that it's a myth that FA is going to rain from the sky should she get married.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 27, 2019 14:11:55 GMT -5
Sounds good to me geena. I wouldn't worry. fwiw my kids do talk at all hours to people online, because they have friends from all over the world and are teens, but i 'know' most of them to some degree, so i'm ok with that, my minimal involvement was always a condition of continued access... Ok. Here is one for you. gah. My daughter has always been very involved in lgbt rights issues. She is very insistent on not putting a label on her own sexuality (or maybe all the labels?) ... fine here. A lot of her friends are the same way. The only issue i find is keeping track of pronouns honestly. Its that time of life when they explore who they are and this is part of that modern experience i think... the time we are in. So. I have wondered for a bit if my daughter is so invested in a nontraditional path that she would reject anything resembling a traditional path. For instance. She has a boyfriend. Everyone says he's her boyfriend. She interacts with him as if he is her boyfriend. He seems invested to that point, sending her love letters, etc. I have frequently said, does G know he's not your boyfriend, cause... she insists they talk about it and are on the same page. BUT she has now twice, three times? said she and G are just going to get married so they can 'scam the government' out of college money... this last time did not seem like the big joke it was the first time and i'm trying to decide if she is serious or not... gah, 17 year olds. I'll be damned if she is going to enter into a 'pretend marriage' in order to avoid the suggestion she might be straight... ? Is that what is going on here? ... Is she just finally deciding to be one of those kids who will drive me crazy.... It has been a struggle lately. I am not sure why. I feel like her maturity level has dropped considerably since she decided to go to school. I feel like I wish i had made some different choices at that point but now, we are what, months from graduation... sigh. I don't think it was suppose to, but this made me laugh a little. And yea if they marry then FASA will consider them independent and not count your income. I am not sure that this as much about covering her sexuality, as worried about money and college. But maybe a talk on how you can be traditional but also support others rights. Maybe talk to her about why she doesn't want to label them as dating vs have you had this talk with him. What is the differences does she see in their relationship vs what she would see as dating?
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 27, 2019 14:30:59 GMT -5
I like the visiting an FA officer. Also maybe talking about what divorce entitles too, and all the legal aspects of marriage. I am fully sure it would be scamming if they got married. People do get married for financial reasons, not always for love. I would think scamming would be claiming if they are married but aren't. But I think once they look at the big picture of all it would affect, it may not seem like such a great deal.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 27, 2019 14:33:46 GMT -5
Yeah, she has over a hundred grand in her 529 plan. I'm not sure that is it.
Which i'm trying to figure out today if we both own her 529, because in that case i think it would work against her to be married?
Sigh. Talking to her is so hard lately. I know nothing.
I am serious, it seems simplistic, but its like she'll get to say she has a husband, but not really...
I will try to broach the subject.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 27, 2019 14:39:53 GMT -5
It would most likely work against him at the very least, and I don't think it would help her either way to get married for FASA if she can afford to pay it on her own with the 529. Maybe she doesn't understand that the 529 will have to be used up before the government would kick in, and it may count against him.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 27, 2019 14:40:31 GMT -5
I have been nervous for some time that that pendulum will swing in such a way that being outwardly heterosexual is seen as a "bad" thing. I think that would be pretty unfortunate if that becomes the case.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 27, 2019 14:40:50 GMT -5
I would maybe try to get her to think about how G would feel about her plan. I know it's hard to get teens to have empathy but I am betting if the roles were reversed and this was all G's idea it wouldn't feel too good no matter how nontraditional she claims she is. When I was chatting with an FA assistant she said it's pretty common that students think getting married will solve all their FA problems. It's not like the people who designed the system didn't think of that. Instead they create all new ones plus now have the fact they are legally married to deal with. She's probably not considering those so I like the idea of going over what marriage entails from a legal standpoint.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 27, 2019 16:29:21 GMT -5
So visit to the school went well, we were complimented about how advanced Carlie seems to be compared to other kids her age : in both speech and overall comprehension.
Issue is due to her date of birth she will have to wait till next fall (3.5) to attend that school). The principal said if she was born 1-2 weeks earlier he would have made an exception but with her date of birth it would be really pushing it.
They suggested a Christian Montessori School that accepts kids at 2.5. Half day for her age is 6k and goes up to 8k for full day, by primary school it goes up to 13k ...
While I do think DD would benefit from going to school in the fall, I do not want to rush the process... she starts ballet in the fall , and we found 2 gymnastic locations we can start her in (unfortunately weekend classes are already full, we are on the waitlist for 1); and in the meantime will do Gymboree.
And we can continue intellectually motivating her at own like we have been doing. Continue making time to take her to the library and other social gatherings to interact with other kids: now she is more interested with speaking to their parents vs the kids.
We will discuss it a bit more later today.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 27, 2019 17:15:25 GMT -5
So, not sure i handled that great but.
I said, so when you say you and G are thinking of marrying are you kidding or serious? She did a non-committal shoulder shrug and a kidding probably ? ... question tone... I was like, that is not reassuring. She said about screw the government and i told her about the fact that it would quite possibly mess her up, went through options of 529 as an independent student, plus it could also actually negatively impact G's aid... etc. and then she reiterated that she was 'mostly' or some variation of that word, kidding... and it wasn't like they were going to have his uncle marry them on (date) at (place they are going to be).... yeah, i was like, that is an awfully descriptive account of where you are not going to do this thing that is just a joke... I said this would be a legally binding decision. With serious financial repercussions. She needs to talk to a counselor and a financial person before she makes any decisions like that. She insisted she is joking. She might joke about getting married as a joke, but not marry someone as a joke...
Lordy this girl is going to be 18 in just a few months.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 17:23:49 GMT -5
Yeah, she has over a hundred grand in her 529 plan. I'm not sure that is it. Which i'm trying to figure out today if we both own her 529, because in that case i think it would work against her to be married? Sigh. Talking to her is so hard lately. I know nothing. I am serious, it seems simplistic, but its like she'll get to say she has a husband, but not really... I will try to broach the subject. 1) DD#2 also believes DH and I are idiots. Glad that'll be over in a few years. 2) I did get married at 19, but that's because XH and I had DD#1. My mother actually insisted we get married. It did benefit my FAFSA awards.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Jan 27, 2019 17:41:27 GMT -5
So, not sure i handled that great but. I said, so when you say you and G are thinking of marrying are you kidding or serious? She did a non-committal shoulder shrug and a kidding probably ? ... question tone... I was like, that is not reassuring. She said about screw the government and i told her about the fact that it would quite possibly mess her up, went through options of 529 as an independent student, plus it could also actually negatively impact G's aid... etc. and then she reiterated that she was 'mostly' or some variation of that word, kidding... and it wasn't like they were going to have his uncle marry them on (date) at (place they are going to be).... yeah, i was like, that is an awfully descriptive account of where you are not going to do this thing that is just a joke... I said this would be a legally binding decision. With serious financial repercussions. She needs to talk to a counselor and a financial person before she makes any decisions like that. She insisted she is joking. She might joke about getting married as a joke, but not marry someone as a joke... Lordy this girl is going to be 18 in just a few months. I would have her talk to an attorney/CPA about Marital Property. I would also have her contact some kind of LBTQ group at her chosen college to have her be comfortable about being “out” on campus. Aside: Starbucks has a lot of LBTQ employees, and has corporate acceptance goals, so it would be a good place for her to work. I have a nephew that is Gay. He was “out” to the family in HS. I don’t know how hard that decision was for him, My DD asked me at one point how the family would react and I told her, her Dad has 3 cousins that are Gay, and “out” to the family. He came to a family event on his way to rainbow summer dressed as a woman in a skirt, with makeup & earrings. I don’t think he has been harassed in college, I will ask DD (but they are not on same campus).
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ners
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Post by ners on Jan 27, 2019 17:41:37 GMT -5
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 27, 2019 17:52:18 GMT -5
So, not sure i handled that great but. I said, so when you say you and G are thinking of marrying are you kidding or serious? She did a non-committal shoulder shrug and a kidding probably ? ... question tone... I was like, that is not reassuring. She said about screw the government and i told her about the fact that it would quite possibly mess her up, went through options of 529 as an independent student, plus it could also actually negatively impact G's aid... etc. and then she reiterated that she was 'mostly' or some variation of that word, kidding... and it wasn't like they were going to have his uncle marry them on (date) at (place they are going to be).... yeah, i was like, that is an awfully descriptive account of where you are not going to do this thing that is just a joke... I said this would be a legally binding decision. With serious financial repercussions. She needs to talk to a counselor and a financial person before she makes any decisions like that. She insisted she is joking. She might joke about getting married as a joke, but not marry someone as a joke... Lordy this girl is going to be 18 in just a few months. Has anyone asked what G wants? I'm having a hard time figuring out if he's a part of her planned farce or not. I had a friend who decided she wanted to be married and proposed. He ran for the hills because he was not ready. She could be thinking all these things and he has no clue. Id be tempted to call her bluff and ask her to bring G over so you can discuss their intentions. And maybe you should meet his parents too. Her reaction to that should give you an indication of how far she's thought it thru and actually involved G.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 27, 2019 18:44:13 GMT -5
I did ask that too Drama. I'm not at all assured by her answers. They have 'joked' about it... but i don't know if he is or is not serious in any way. I know his uncle can apparently do weddings, so that at least has been discussed. They both turn 18 on the same day and apparently 'wouldn't it be cool'... maybe they are both pulling my leg. Maybe she is hoping to hit me up for a big purchase and is just pulling an 'well, at least i'm not getting married' scam...
He has been here before but not since this started. I will have to have her bring him around.
And yes, i'll call my accountant. Good Idea. She wanted to job shadow there anyway, I'll see if i can kill two birds...
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 27, 2019 18:45:54 GMT -5
I tell a 'funny' story about a friend whose kid went cross country, worked at a camp then just bummed around for a few months and it wasn't till mom saw the ring that she learned he had married a girl so she could get papers.... Oh how i laughed at that story. Man. I forgot karma is a bitch. It is so not funny. I am calling T to tell her right now that that story is NOT funny.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 27, 2019 19:36:04 GMT -5
My daughter is only 10 and apparently I'm already stupid. Like the aforementioned science fair. I told her not to start on her board until the teacher approved the rough draft of all of the parts. She thought that was dumb. Her BFF had what I thought was a beautiful board completely finished because her mom was going out of town the weekend before it was due. Teacher hated it and handed out a whole set of directions specifically for the board. Not sure why that wasn't in the original packet but whatev.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on Jan 27, 2019 20:41:26 GMT -5
So very sorry, muttley. 15.5 years is a damn good run, but it’s never enough
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jan 27, 2019 21:33:41 GMT -5
So visit to the school went well, we were complimented about how advanced Carlie seems to be compared to other kids her age : in both speech and overall comprehension. Issue is due to her date of birth she will have to wait till next fall (3.5) to attend that school). The principal said if she was born 1-2 weeks earlier he would have made an exception but with her date of birth it would be really pushing it. They suggested a Christian Montessori School that accepts kids at 2.5. Half day for her age is 6k and goes up to 8k for full day, by primary school it goes up to 13k ... While I do think DD would benefit from going to school in the fall, I do not want to rush the process... she starts ballet in the fall , and we found 2 gymnastic locations we can start her in (unfortunately weekend classes are already full, we are on the waitlist for 1); and in the meantime will do Gymboree. And we can continue intellectually motivating her at own like we have been doing. Continue making time to take her to the library and other social gatherings to interact with other kids: now she is more interested with speaking to their parents vs the kids. We will discuss it a bit more later today. I am not a big proponent of early “school”. We were fortunate to have an in our home day care provider. Also with 3 kids close in age they had built in interaction. But oldest did not start school until K5 and middle did K4.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2019 22:37:23 GMT -5
oped, unless your daughter regularly jokes about wild stuff besides this, from the way you describe it, I'd guess that there's definitely something behind this "kidding" about getting married. I don't know if she's testing your reaction to that before she hits you with whatever is really on her mind, or tells you she wasn't kidding after all, or what. Or maybe she's trying to figure out something in her own head, about her sexuality, her relationship with him, who knows. I'd be nervous though, afraid that she's kidding, but not really. This is too important for that. It's almost like she's toying with you, isn't she? Although that's not nice, I think I'd prefer that over finding out that she's really serious. Teenagers! Gotta love 'em.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jan 27, 2019 23:55:23 GMT -5
i’m traveling for work and schools just got canceled for tomorrow. Poor DH.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jan 27, 2019 23:56:50 GMT -5
i’m traveling for work and schools just got canceled for tomorrow. Poor DH. Cold? Looking at our forecast, if it doesn’t change, I’m expecting a weather day on Wednesday due to extreme cold (for us).
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jan 28, 2019 0:11:21 GMT -5
i’m traveling for work and schools just got canceled for tomorrow. Poor DH. Cold? Looking at our forecast, if it doesn’t change, I’m expecting a weather day on Wednesday due to extreme cold (for us). Tomorrow is snow . Weds-Fri has potential cold days.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jan 28, 2019 10:42:24 GMT -5
I need potty training help for DS. He has a little potty that he will only sit on fully clothed. He won't try the big potty with a seat at all. This is fine, I'm ok to wait, except he has recently, repeatedly, expressed a desire not use a diaper. "I want to poop on the floor!"
I've tried bribing him. We are now watching the Daniel Tiger potty episode on repeat. Any other ideas? I'm ok with him going bare and having accidents if he would be willing to try sitting on the potty periodically. I'm not ok with him just messing all over the house for fun.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 28, 2019 10:59:52 GMT -5
I need potty training help for DS. He has a little potty that he will only sit on fully clothed. He won't try the big potty with a seat at all. This is fine, I'm ok to wait, except he has recently, repeatedly, expressed a desire not use a diaper. "I want to poop on the floor!" I've tried bribing him. We are now watching the Daniel Tiger potty episode on repeat. Any other ideas? I'm ok with him going bare and having accidents if he would be willing to try sitting on the potty periodically. I'm not ok with him just messing all over the house for fun. Bribes..... I mean positive rewards for using the small potty.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jan 28, 2019 11:01:26 GMT -5
Is he willing to sit on a regular toilet with the smaller seat insert on it? C hated the little potty, but liked the big one.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jan 28, 2019 11:06:29 GMT -5
Maybe I need to up my bribe game. Lollipops don't work and that is my go to for haircuts.
He won't sit on the regular toilet with insert at all. I'm contemplating getting the kind with the ladder attached Maybe that will make it more intriguing.
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