raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 13:13:48 GMT -5
I should probably just make dh a list of household chores I expect done each week. More would get done, and even if/when it didn't there's a very specific thing to refer back to when I'm frustrated. But it's still a complete abdication of responsibility and leaving it for me that is the problem. I don't know how dh would live without me. It could be in squalor for all I know. At which point at least I'd know he truly isn't capable of anything more. But honestly what I see is Eric in That 70's Show, shrugging his shoulders and saying, "I guess I'm just bad at it"... which the daily or weekly list just enforces. I mean its not like there aren't already multiple lists posted about what chores to do and when. I just haven't assigned them to him. I had the therapist when I was maybe 20, maybe younger even, that told me not to nag dh about housework. If it was important to me, I should just do it myself. So I take everything in therapy with a big grain of salt. They still have their own personal issues they are bringing into the session. Here's the thing: I'm a Triple A personality. I started having babies at age 17, yet I still have a Master's degree and a career, etc. I am a complete and utter self-manager. I still struggle with the concept that not everyone functions the way I do. My BIL is basically a great guy. 30 years as a police officer; funny; great dad; great son; etc. He cannot for the life of him do anything on his own. However, he was able to articulate that to his wife. She accepted it and she knows she just has to make him a list and he'll do what's on the list. She's a nurse practitioner, and she would prefer to not have to make him lists. However, this is how their marriage works. Now, if he didn't do what was on the list, that would be a not good situation. Part of it could be the inability for dh to articulate that need to me. Hey honey--I have a hard time choosing between competing priorities at home so I ignore them all until you're really upset about something. Could you list out what you went done and when? Maybe I could accept that. At least the attempt to communicate as an adult about the issue instead of empty and broken promises would be something more than what I get now. It's possible I still couldn't accept it even if he tried that mature of an explanation. The way his coworkers have talked about him to me for decades makes me think he's a really capable individual when its important to him and that he finds ways to cope with his deficiencies again--when it's important to him. The overall cultural normative that this story is though means its not just my dh and it is something that has to be solved not just with wives leaving lists.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 19, 2018 13:50:59 GMT -5
Winning Mother of the Year here. DD stayed home from school yesterday because of sore throat and cough. As the day went on, she was her normal active self. Spent most of the day watching something on her iPad and decorating homemade ornaments. I took her to the doctor yesterday and they did the strep test. The rapid test came back negative. Since she seemed ok, just a cough and sore throat like yesterday, we sent her to school today. I just got a call that she does indeed have strep throat. Shit!!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Dec 19, 2018 13:54:32 GMT -5
Aww, poor kiddo. Hopefully that means she's already on the upside of it & starts feeling even better soon!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 14:11:25 GMT -5
A good amount of dh's problems is the inability to accept who he is, instead of living perpetually in a world of who he wants to be. It isn't even that he doesn't see it, but that he can't acknowledge the impact it has on others, namely me and the kids.
Example...that isn't even house related. He likes shopping. I talked to the kids and got a list of all the teachers they want to give something to. It's not a short list. Homeroom teachers, C's math teacher, all of C's tier 2 care givers at the school, and then E also included her math teacher, reading teacher, class aide, and the other kindergarten teacher. I gave dh the list, said which teachers for which gift cards and admittedly very briefly mentioned that not everyone on that list needed a gift card. The bath bombs we made would be fine for the people who didn't have a gift card listed. Dh calls--sounding a little panicked...this list is a lot longer than usual. Yes...we go through all the info again. Well how many bath bombs do you have? Who else are those going to? Do I need to buy anything else? Do I need to buy cards? Then he questions all of my answers. It would be easier to just do it myself, but everything is like this. I can't hand off anything it seems. On Monday night he said he really wanted to get the kids scooters for christmas. Cool...get them scooters. I have plenty of gifts, but I don't have anything really cool and I've wanted to get them scooters for ages too. He spent 16 hours picking out what color scooter to get E and asked me about it about 3 dozen times before I told him to get out of my office Tuesday morning. I love him. I do. I want good things for him. I'm just at my wits end.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 19, 2018 14:26:43 GMT -5
A good amount of dh's problems is the inability to accept who he is, instead of living perpetually in a world of who he wants to be. It isn't even that he doesn't see it, but that he can't acknowledge the impact it has on others, namely me and the kids. Example...that isn't even house related. He likes shopping. I talked to the kids and got a list of all the teachers they want to give something to. It's not a short list. Homeroom teachers, C's math teacher, all of C's tier 2 care givers at the school, and then E also included her math teacher, reading teacher, class aide, and the other kindergarten teacher. I gave dh the list, said which teachers for which gift cards and admittedly very briefly mentioned that not everyone on that list needed a gift card. The bath bombs we made would be fine for the people who didn't have a gift card listed. Dh calls--sounding a little panicked...this list is a lot longer than usual. Yes...we go through all the info again. Well how many bath bombs do you have? Who else are those going to? Do I need to buy anything else? Do I need to buy cards? Then he questions all of my answers. It would be easier to just do it myself, but everything is like this. I can't hand off anything it seems. On Monday night he said he really wanted to get the kids scooters for christmas. Cool...get them scooters. I have plenty of gifts, but I don't have anything really cool and I've wanted to get them scooters for ages too. He spent 16 hours picking out what color scooter to get E and asked me about it about 3 dozen times before I told him to get out of my office Tuesday morning. I love him. I do. I want good things for him. I'm just at my wits end. I don't mean this in any kind of judgy (or excusing him) way, but does your DH have this idea that if he doesn't do his "assignment" exactly to your approval that he will be getting crap for not doing it right? So he constantly checks in for approval so he doesn't screw it up? My DH is very ADHD and did need step by step by step hand holding on some things for a while. I have no idea how long it went on before I realized he ought to have this by now and I can stop being so..... bossy? Mommy? IDK. I also had to let go of the "it has to be done MY way" thinking. I'm still trying. Lol
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 14:50:08 GMT -5
No, if anything he would nitpick me to death for not doing things the right way and I'm more of a done is better than perfect kind of person. I think it's anxiety. I tell him that I trust his judgment and to do what he thinks is best ad nauseum.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 19, 2018 14:58:18 GMT -5
Well dang. I got no ideas on what to do for anxiety in a helpful, non medicating him kind of way.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2018 15:46:27 GMT -5
I think probably. I had Mirena removed a few years ago because I was freaking out that it was making my hair fall out after reading online that other people had that problem, but maybe that was menopause too? Anyhow, my periods never really started up again after that and I was regular as clockwork before. I still get them, but they're very sporadic and only last a day maybe. The hormone shifts of menopause could be tipping you into depression too which can make it difficult to care. It may not be depression that's severe enough to medicate but that doesn't mean it's not there. I think it's this sometimes too, especially with how emotional I've been. I cry at the drop of a hat and I HATE that so much. I broke down this summer in front of all my family when they were all joking about how fucked up my childhood was. I mean I'm kind of over that and normally am proud of having survived that. Then this weekend my Mom was going on at a restaurant about how there wasn't bullying when she was a kid and I about lost because I was bullied a LOT in grade school in the 70's. (She gets me so mad on this because she's convinced all the school shootings these days are because kids bully each other now).
I've had so many doctors tell me so many different things. I'm anxious, I'm depressed, I have PTSD...and now it looks like I have ADHD from that list! All I know is I'm not right at all. It's why I latched on to the thyroid thing hoping that was it and meds would help. Now I've even convinced my doc I have a thyroid issue, but I'm not so sure anymore! ROFL I'm just a hot mess! Coming to the boards in some ways helps me keep focus and realize I'm not going crazy, but at the same time I use it to avoid everything else, so I'm not sure if it's better to stay or go?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 15:46:55 GMT -5
I really wish he was willing to look into and try more medication options. I don't think I posted this because I was worried it would come across as jabs at people here, but he refuses prescription interventions, feels written off when the doctor refers him to pt, chiro, massage, or accupuncture, and won't consider surgery until he can't walk or go to the bathroom on his own. He has tried pt and massage, and occaisonally accupuncture with limited results so it's not like he isn't compliant at all, but gets so frustrated that he isn't being taken seriously but he I don't know what he thinks the doctor can do when he says no to everything upfront.
In addition to therapy I might "make him" find a weekly yoga class and practice daily yoga. That is something that has helped him physically and emotionally. If I just set the budget for it like I do jiu jitsu he would prioritize it.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 19, 2018 16:22:06 GMT -5
I sorta agree about surgery it doesn't have a super high success rate and comes with an awful lot of risk.
I'm not sorry I tried medication and it did help. Sometimes I think about trying again but outside my IUD I tend to have bad luck with pills. I am going back to cognitive tools which I do believe the meds helped me focus enough to accomplish.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Dec 19, 2018 16:42:23 GMT -5
The hormone shifts of menopause could be tipping you into depression too which can make it difficult to care. It may not be depression that's severe enough to medicate but that doesn't mean it's not there. I think it's this sometimes too, especially with how emotional I've been. I cry at the drop of a hat and I HATE that so much. I broke down this summer in front of all my family when they were all joking about how fucked up my childhood was. I mean I'm kind of over that and normally am proud of having survived that. Then this weekend my Mom was going on at a restaurant about how there wasn't bullying when she was a kid and I about lost because I was bullied a LOT in grade school in the 70's. (She gets me so mad on this because she's convinced all the school shootings these days are because kids bully each other now).
I've had so many doctors tell me so many different things. I'm anxious, I'm depressed, I have PTSD...and now it looks like I have ADHD from that list! All I know is I'm not right at all. It's why I latched on to the thyroid thing hoping that was it and meds would help. Now I've even convinced my doc I have a thyroid issue, but I'm not so sure anymore! ROFL I'm just a hot mess! Coming to the boards in some ways helps me keep focus and realize I'm not going crazy, but at the same time I use it to avoid everything else, so I'm not sure if it's better to stay or go? that's pretty fucked up that they were joking about it. Does your mom think she did a good job at raising you? What you've shared on here would make me not want to not have her in my life.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 19, 2018 16:46:17 GMT -5
I really wish he was willing to look into and try more medication options. I don't think I posted this because I was worried it would come across as jabs at people here, but he refuses prescription interventions, feels written off when the doctor refers him to pt, chiro, massage, or accupuncture, and won't consider surgery until he can't walk or go to the bathroom on his own. He has tried pt and massage, and occaisonally accupuncture with limited results so it's not like he isn't compliant at all, but gets so frustrated that he isn't being taken seriously but he I don't know what he thinks the doctor can do when he says no to everything upfront. In addition to therapy I might "make him" find a weekly yoga class and practice daily yoga. That is something that has helped him physically and emotionally. If I just set the budget for it like I do jiu jitsu he would prioritize it. Rae - can you be more specific about what he is dealing with? PM if you would prefer. I have chronic pain and may or may not have some ideas. Let me know.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Dec 19, 2018 17:01:11 GMT -5
Not sure how far out of this thread you all tend to venture, but incase you missed it, our sweet Jaguar passed away I saw it on FB this morning. They were talking about it over on EE too.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2018 17:19:01 GMT -5
I think it's this sometimes too, especially with how emotional I've been. I cry at the drop of a hat and I HATE that so much. I broke down this summer in front of all my family when they were all joking about how fucked up my childhood was. I mean I'm kind of over that and normally am proud of having survived that. Then this weekend my Mom was going on at a restaurant about how there wasn't bullying when she was a kid and I about lost because I was bullied a LOT in grade school in the 70's. (She gets me so mad on this because she's convinced all the school shootings these days are because kids bully each other now).
I've had so many doctors tell me so many different things. I'm anxious, I'm depressed, I have PTSD...and now it looks like I have ADHD from that list! All I know is I'm not right at all. It's why I latched on to the thyroid thing hoping that was it and meds would help. Now I've even convinced my doc I have a thyroid issue, but I'm not so sure anymore! ROFL I'm just a hot mess! Coming to the boards in some ways helps me keep focus and realize I'm not going crazy, but at the same time I use it to avoid everything else, so I'm not sure if it's better to stay or go? that's pretty fucked up that they were joking about it. Does your mom think she did a good job at raising you? What you've shared on here would make me not want to not have her in my life. Oh, I'm sure she does because everything is a competition to her and she's always subtly pointing out how I'm doing better than this sister's daughter and this brother's son and yadda yadda. She judges all my cousins on the basis of their success which is measured of course by her criteria. Income, house, vacations, etc.
But she wasn't the one joking. She wasn't there. It was her brothers and sisters and some of my cousins when they were visiting for the reunion. The topic was how "Everyone moved away and left poor MPL alone with a mom who had zero maternal instincts or business raising a kid and then some stories of my mom". Normally I would have been able to deal with this because they weren't saying it to be mean, it was meant as more of a kudos to me for turning out ok despite everything, and they backed right off when they realized they'd hit a nerve. But really, this would have never bothered me 5 years ago, instead I start thinking "yeah...I was left alone...OMG...how incredibly sad..." And in a few minutes I'm feeling so sorry for myself that I can't fight tears. Pissed me off. I'm the hard as nails, zero fear, can handle anything cousin. Not the one that bawls while eating cheesecake. I wasn't even drinking!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 17:28:11 GMT -5
I really wish he was willing to look into and try more medication options. I don't think I posted this because I was worried it would come across as jabs at people here, but he refuses prescription interventions, feels written off when the doctor refers him to pt, chiro, massage, or accupuncture, and won't consider surgery until he can't walk or go to the bathroom on his own. He has tried pt and massage, and occaisonally accupuncture with limited results so it's not like he isn't compliant at all, but gets so frustrated that he isn't being taken seriously but he I don't know what he thinks the doctor can do when he says no to everything upfront. In addition to therapy I might "make him" find a weekly yoga class and practice daily yoga. That is something that has helped him physically and emotionally. If I just set the budget for it like I do jiu jitsu he would prioritize it. Rae - can you be more specific about what he is dealing with? PM if you would prefer. I have chronic pain and may or may not have some ideas. Let me know. I feel like he's had everything at some point and I suspect he has fibro, but there isn't an actual diagnosis of that. Generalized joint pain/issues. Localized and severe back and hip issues and migraines are usually the big issues pain wise. I do agree with him on surgery, especially back surgery, especially when he so adamantly refuses all other treatments. Back surgery pretty much just leads to more back surgeries without any guarantee of a relief of pain or symptoms.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Dec 19, 2018 18:04:49 GMT -5
Rae - can you be more specific about what he is dealing with? PM if you would prefer. I have chronic pain and may or may not have some ideas. Let me know. I feel like he's had everything at some point and I suspect he has fibro, but there isn't an actual diagnosis of that. Generalized joint pain/issues. Localized and severe back and hip issues and migraines are usually the big issues pain wise. I do agree with him on surgery, especially back surgery, especially when he so adamantly refuses all other treatments. Back surgery pretty much just leads to more back surgeries without any guarantee of a relief of pain or symptoms. My husband's low back fusion was not worth it at all. The recovery was the worst of all his surgeries. My SIL had a disk fragment removed 9 years ago in her low back. It was pressing on a nerve in her back and i dont think the nerve ever repaired itself. I think they cut her muscles (they didn't on my DH) and she still has issues. My cousin had a similar surgery to SIL 3 years ago and she is doing fine. So 1 out of 3 in my family for low back surgery. Rae - I feel for you. I'm so over DHs chronic pain issues. There is no solution in 10 years. Plus it has relegated our sex life to non-existent.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 19, 2018 18:24:55 GMT -5
Not sure how far out of this thread you all tend to venture, but incase you missed it, our sweet Jaguar passed away I saw it on FB this morning. They were talking about it over on EE too. Oh no! Thanks for letting us know, Sam.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 19, 2018 18:32:21 GMT -5
Rae - can you be more specific about what he is dealing with? PM if you would prefer. I have chronic pain and may or may not have some ideas. Let me know. I feel like he's had everything at some point and I suspect he has fibro, but there isn't an actual diagnosis of that. Generalized joint pain/issues. Localized and severe back and hip issues and migraines are usually the big issues pain wise. I do agree with him on surgery, especially back surgery, especially when he so adamantly refuses all other treatments. Back surgery pretty much just leads to more back surgeries without any guarantee of a relief of pain or symptoms. I totally agree on back surgeries. I have radio frequency on my back which helps with nerve issues (temporarily deadens them) and is relatively non-invasive. For migraines, it is shocking to me that anyone would refuse pharma options for those. I have migraines, and the meds they have for them make them so much easier to deal with. Can I ask why he refuses them? I mean, i assume he's on T? What makes migraine meds different? Have you guys talked about what best-case scenario pain management looks like for him?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 18:46:31 GMT -5
I feel like he's had everything at some point and I suspect he has fibro, but there isn't an actual diagnosis of that. Generalized joint pain/issues. Localized and severe back and hip issues and migraines are usually the big issues pain wise. I do agree with him on surgery, especially back surgery, especially when he so adamantly refuses all other treatments. Back surgery pretty much just leads to more back surgeries without any guarantee of a relief of pain or symptoms. I totally agree on back surgeries. I have radio frequency on my back which helps with nerve issues (temporarily deadens them) and is relatively non-invasive. For migraines, it is shocking to me that anyone would refuse pharma options for those. I have migraines, and the meds they have for them make them so much easier to deal with. Can I ask why he refuses them? I mean, i assume he's on T? What makes migraine meds different? Have you guys talked about what best-case scenario pain management looks like for him? I should clarify...he doesn't refuse rx for migraines outright. Although he doesn't take much for those right now. He spent several years on stupimax...I mean topimax before the side effects became too much and now takes relpax as needed. There are anti-depressants that help with migraines that he won't try. He won't take the nerve blocking meds for the joint pain--gabapentin I think is what he tried once that 100% help him (like living with a different person--it was amazing when he tried it) because it killed his sex drive.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 18:55:28 GMT -5
With the radio frequency, there is an injection, but nothing physical left in the body--correct? I will have to ask him if he has looked into that.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2018 19:26:31 GMT -5
I'm not trying to be funny or make a joke about this situation. Are you going through menopause? I've read that during the worst stages of menopause it can really mess with your emotional state and ability to function. I think probably. I had Mirena removed a few years ago because I was freaking out that it was making my hair fall out after reading online that other people had that problem, but maybe that was menopause too? Anyhow, my periods never really started up again after that and I was regular as clockwork before. I still get them, but they're very sporadic and only last a day maybe. If I'm going through menopause I'm at the beginning of it, but my hormones are all out of whack. And unfortunately it's having the opposite effect on my periods. They started getting wonky in my late 30's, and now it's even worse. They are terribly heavy sometimes and irregular, sometimes they last forever, sometimes they go away and come right back, sometimes they are late. I never know what to expect. It's not fun at all. In general, I'm a mess and I feel like my life is a mess. Sometimes I wonder who is this person, because I often feel like I just can't get it together, and sometimes I just give up on trying to get it together. I could've have written some of the posts you've written about being a mess. My gynecologist prescribed Progesterone a couple years ago, mainly to help with my periods. After taking it for a year, nothing had improved, so I stopped taking it. I don't really have a point, just rambling, I guess to say "I understand what you're going through".
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 19, 2018 19:45:18 GMT -5
I totally agree on back surgeries. I have radio frequency on my back which helps with nerve issues (temporarily deadens them) and is relatively non-invasive. For migraines, it is shocking to me that anyone would refuse pharma options for those. I have migraines, and the meds they have for them make them so much easier to deal with. Can I ask why he refuses them? I mean, i assume he's on T? What makes migraine meds different? Have you guys talked about what best-case scenario pain management looks like for him? I should clarify...he doesn't refuse rx for migraines outright. Although he doesn't take much for those right now. He spent several years on stupimax...I mean topimax before the side effects became too much and now takes relpax as needed. There are anti-depressants that help with migraines that he won't try. He won't take the nerve blocking meds for the joint pain--gabapentin I think is what he tried once that 100% help him (like living with a different person--it was amazing when he tried it) because it killed his sex drive. OMG I had a terrible experience with topimax. Couldn't put a sentence together. It was awful. I only lasted a month. I did take the anti-depressants for migraines for a while and it worked well for me. They are at low enough doses that they don't actually have any anti-depressant effect. I know they don't work for everyone though. (My migraines were hormonal and mostly resolved once I stopped breastfeeding, so obv situations differ here.) I now take sumatriptan as needed. So interesting about gabapentin. That's what B was on when she had guillain-barre, I had no idea about the sexual side effects. She was four so obviously that was... not a concern any of us had. The radio-frequency procedures - it's a hierarchy. First you do a nerve block, which is essentially flood the nerve root with very low amounts of painkiller. They do this sometimes in place of epidural during labor. Same thing. Then, if that works, you do a steroid injection. If that works, THEN you do radio-frequency. Radio-frequency essentially uses sound waves to deaden the nerve. I call it "frying", because people seem to understand that intuitively, but it's sound, not heat. They grow back but it takes 6-18 months. The whole thing is both diagnostic and therapeutic. If you don't respond to the first couple of steps, they won't move you forward because it's not likely to help. It's my miracle treatment, but obviously only works for certain issues. Most importantly, it gives you a break from the pain long enough to really work at physical therapy. Gaining strength at PT has helped my overall back issues and made me stronger, so I go longer between treatments, etc.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 19, 2018 20:05:32 GMT -5
I should clarify...he doesn't refuse rx for migraines outright. Although he doesn't take much for those right now. He spent several years on stupimax...I mean topimax before the side effects became too much and now takes relpax as needed. There are anti-depressants that help with migraines that he won't try. He won't take the nerve blocking meds for the joint pain--gabapentin I think is what he tried once that 100% help him (like living with a different person--it was amazing when he tried it) because it killed his sex drive. OMG I had a terrible experience with topimax. Couldn't put a sentence together. It was awful. I only lasted a month. I did take the anti-depressants for migraines for a while and it worked well for me. They are at low enough doses that they don't actually have any anti-depressant effect. I know they don't work for everyone though. (My migraines were hormonal and mostly resolved once I stopped breastfeeding, so obv situations differ here.) I now take sumatriptan as needed. So interesting about gabapentin. That's what B was on when she had guillain-barre, I had no idea about the sexual side effects. She was four so obviously that was... not a concern any of us had. The radio-frequency procedures - it's a hierarchy. First you do a nerve block, which is essentially flood the nerve root with very low amounts of painkiller. They do this sometimes in place of epidural during labor. Same thing. Then, if that works, you do a steroid injection. If that works, THEN you do radio-frequency. Radio-frequency essentially uses sound waves to deaden the nerve. I call it "frying", because people seem to understand that intuitively, but it's sound, not heat. They grow back but it takes 6-18 months. The whole thing is both diagnostic and therapeutic. If you don't respond to the first couple of steps, they won't move you forward because it's not likely to help. It's my miracle treatment, but obviously only works for certain issues. Most importantly, it gives you a break from the pain long enough to really work at physical therapy. Gaining strength at PT has helped my overall back issues and made me stronger, so I go longer between treatments, etc. Interesting. He hasn't been willing to do steroid injections so far. Now our experience with them has been poor. His parents get them a lot, but they also have a lot of surgeries (that appear to do nothing) so they seemed to be the first step in the "every intervention increases the odds of additional interventions" that he wanted to avoid. I tried one once when I couldn't walk from back pain and it did nothing which didn't help our opinion of them. He likes pt, just not driving across town. Martial arts has been good core strengthening and consistent exercise which he's otherwise lacked.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 19, 2018 20:29:11 GMT -5
OMG I had a terrible experience with topimax. Couldn't put a sentence together. It was awful. I only lasted a month. I did take the anti-depressants for migraines for a while and it worked well for me. They are at low enough doses that they don't actually have any anti-depressant effect. I know they don't work for everyone though. (My migraines were hormonal and mostly resolved once I stopped breastfeeding, so obv situations differ here.) I now take sumatriptan as needed. So interesting about gabapentin. That's what B was on when she had guillain-barre, I had no idea about the sexual side effects. She was four so obviously that was... not a concern any of us had. The radio-frequency procedures - it's a hierarchy. First you do a nerve block, which is essentially flood the nerve root with very low amounts of painkiller. They do this sometimes in place of epidural during labor. Same thing. Then, if that works, you do a steroid injection. If that works, THEN you do radio-frequency. Radio-frequency essentially uses sound waves to deaden the nerve. I call it "frying", because people seem to understand that intuitively, but it's sound, not heat. They grow back but it takes 6-18 months. The whole thing is both diagnostic and therapeutic. If you don't respond to the first couple of steps, they won't move you forward because it's not likely to help. It's my miracle treatment, but obviously only works for certain issues. Most importantly, it gives you a break from the pain long enough to really work at physical therapy. Gaining strength at PT has helped my overall back issues and made me stronger, so I go longer between treatments, etc. Interesting. He hasn't been willing to do steroid injections so far. Now our experience with them has been poor. His parents get them a lot, but they also have a lot of surgeries (that appear to do nothing) so they seemed to be the first step in the "every intervention increases the odds of additional interventions" that he wanted to avoid. I tried one once when I couldn't walk from back pain and it did nothing which didn't help our opinion of them. He likes pt, just not driving across town. Martial arts has been good core strengthening and consistent exercise which he's otherwise lacked. I don't like surgery-happy docs. I get it for sure. Sounds like he has more generalized pain, though? In which case something like gabapentin is going to be a better bet than radio-frequency, which is more targeted. There's multiple drugs in that category, I believe, maybe some of them might have fewer side effects. I've heard good things about a pain-management app called Curable, but haven't tried it. It's as low-intervention as you can get - lots of mindfulness and bodily awareness. If he's set on not heading down the intervention ladder, might be something to try.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Dec 19, 2018 20:39:11 GMT -5
rae, If he has access to any kind of breathing exercises and classes, they will help him with the pain . Like pants said, it's the mindfulness. Deep breathing helps a lot to relieve the stress that is caused from pain.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Dec 19, 2018 21:08:03 GMT -5
Not sure how far out of this thread you all tend to venture, but incase you missed it, our sweet Jaguar passed away I saw it on FB this morning. They were talking about it over on EE too. I hadn’t heard. How sad - thinking about her family. Thank you for sharing.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 20, 2018 0:09:36 GMT -5
I totally agree on back surgeries. I have radio frequency on my back which helps with nerve issues (temporarily deadens them) and is relatively non-invasive. For migraines, it is shocking to me that anyone would refuse pharma options for those. I have migraines, and the meds they have for them make them so much easier to deal with. Can I ask why he refuses them? I mean, i assume he's on T? What makes migraine meds different? Have you guys talked about what best-case scenario pain management looks like for him? I should clarify...he doesn't refuse rx for migraines outright. Although he doesn't take much for those right now. He spent several years on stupimax...I mean topimax before the side effects became too much and now takes relpax as needed. There are anti-depressants that help with migraines that he won't try. He won't take the nerve blocking meds for the joint pain--gabapentin I think is what he tried once that 100% help him (like living with a different person--it was amazing when he tried it) because it killed his sex drive. For migraines I was on verapamil daily. Also did the botox for a year. Went off verapamil though about 8 months after I started allergy shots. Which I had no normal allergy symptoms, a doctor just sorta randomly tested me and the shots have almost eliminated my migraines.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Dec 20, 2018 9:04:18 GMT -5
I think probably. I had Mirena removed a few years ago because I was freaking out that it was making my hair fall out after reading online that other people had that problem, but maybe that was menopause too? Anyhow, my periods never really started up again after that and I was regular as clockwork before. I still get them, but they're very sporadic and only last a day maybe. If I'm going through menopause I'm at the beginning of it, but my hormones are all out of whack. And unfortunately it's having the opposite effect on my periods. They started getting wonky in my late 30's, and now it's even worse. They are terribly heavy sometimes and irregular, sometimes they last forever, sometimes they go away and come right back, sometimes they are late. I never know what to expect. It's not fun at all. In general, I'm a mess and I feel like my life is a mess. Sometimes I wonder who is this person, because I often feel like I just can't get it together, and sometimes I just give up on trying to get it together. I could've have written some of the posts you've written about being a mess. My gynecologist prescribed Progesterone a couple years ago, mainly to help with my periods. After taking it for a year, nothing had improved, so I stopped taking it. I don't really have a point, just rambling, I guess to say "I understand what you're going through". So far that's the only menopause symptom I've had. I spoke to my gynecologist and she said to take Aleve (has to be Aleve) morning and night during the first three days of my period and that should help. Don't wait until it gets heavy but start as soon as you get your period. It really has made a difference.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 20, 2018 9:34:40 GMT -5
Hmmmm....guess I need to go back. After I started seeing a doc in internal medicine a year or so ago because I thought my thyroid was whacked he began refilling the migraine scripts for me so I stopped going to Women's Health. The only reason I was going there was they would refuse to refill my meds unless my pap was up to date. paps are like every 3-5 years now. I was expecting one at my physical last month and didn't have to have one!
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 20, 2018 9:41:05 GMT -5
Not sure how far out of this thread you all tend to venture, but incase you missed it, our sweet Jaguar passed away I saw it on FB this morning. They were talking about it over on EE too. Damn. Damn. Damn.
Thank you for sharing.
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