The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[raeoflyte]

Oct 29, 2018 13:04:12 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

If the kids are old enough, I'd do separate cards.  Minimize the squabbling!

This is what I was thinking.  

[cktc]

DH said $10 was too low. I guess I can do 2 for each. This party is going to bankrupt me 

[saveinla]

Oct 29, 2018 13:18:27 GMT -5 cktc said:

DH said $10 was too low. I guess I can do 2 for each. This party is going to bankrupt me 

If 50$ is your limit - do 10$ each and get a 20$ pizza GC.

[oped]

Daughter had a Harry Potter party Saturday and i have been ill... just cold, chest a little fever... anyway i havent been working at full form. I said how about tacos, because easy and said just pick up the white packets of saucy seasoning but forgot daughter has been having increased reactions to tomatoes and yeah, you guessed it. She graduated to puking this time. Fun times. But it didn't stop the party, for more than a few minutes each time... gah. 

[cael]

We've been to 6 Halloween events and it isn't even actual Halloween yet, I think A is Halloweened out! This morning he was like "no how-ween!!!" when I asked if he was excited. (Personally I'm excited for Halloween to be over too but that's because of work...) Two parties last weekend, a trunk or treat and downtown ToT last week, a party Saturday and yesterday this past weekend. I made him Curious George this year, came out super cute, and DH is the Man w/ the Yellow Hat! I think the sugar is fucking with him though, been sleeping a little sketchy and a lot more antsy with shoving and throwing his stuff around.

Who else's kids were/are obsessed with Paw Patrol? Paw Patrol is like, life now I mean it's not bad as small kid shows go, but we have so many questions. WHY is this town's law enforcement strictly dogs and a 10yo? Where does Ryder get his money and his tech from? Where are his parents? Why do the other animals not talk? Even Mayor Humdinger's kittens don't talk? We could go on

Oh, DH got the school facilities job! He's really excited and honestly this will be good for us and finances but good for his mental health too, so we're looking forward to that. Schedule will suck for me until he can get a day shift (right now it's M-F 2-10:30, yuck), but he'll have weekends off and vacations/summer the shifts all move to 6am-2 which would be perfect. Hoping eventually he can get a permanent 6-2 shift. He's psyched to have his first salary job, and benefits/pension come with it! Hopefully things will start to get a little better a little faster now.

[Sam_2.0]

Oh, that stinks oped. Hope she's feeling better!!

cael - J is in LOVE with PP. And T is getting into it now. Just in the last week he will stand at the TV and say "shows!"

[Works4me]

I caught a few minutes if Peppa Pig the other day and I'm still not over it. LOL

[geenamercile]

So DD did not go to the therapist.  She refused, said she was scared, didn't want to talk to anyone she didn't know, ect...  I don't know how to make a 12 year old go besides picking her up and forcing her.  Not that I could she is almost as tall as I am.  DH could but I really just can't see that ending well at all, and the following appointment be useful at all.   She did go with me to get the dog bed, and turn in the home schooling paper work.  I feel exhausted with all the running around.  I am really thinking of taking a 1/2 a day tomorrow to at least catch up on a few more things some of it work paper work.  

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2018 16:42:58 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

So DD did not go to the therapist.  She refused, said she was scared, didn't want to talk to anyone she didn't know, ect...  I don't know how to make a 12 year old go besides picking her up and forcing her.  Not that I could she is almost as tall as I am.  DH could but I really just can't see that ending well at all, and the following appointment be useful at all.   She did go with me to get the dog bed, and turn in the home schooling paper work.  I feel exhausted with all the running around.  I am really thinking of taking a 1/2 a day tomorrow to at least catch up on a few more things some of it work paper work.  

In my experience, therapy isn't much good without a willing participant. It doesn't help her fears knowing you or her Dad would be there with her the first few visits until she got a bit more comfortable? I'm assuming that's possible in the first place.

[bean29]

Oct 29, 2018 14:49:02 GMT -5 oped said:

Daughter had a Harry Potter party Saturday and i have been ill... just cold, chest a little fever... anyway i havent been working at full form. I said how about tacos, because easy and said just pick up the white packets of saucy seasoning but forgot daughter has been having increased reactions to tomatoes and yeah, you guessed it. She graduated to puking this time. Fun times. But it didn't stop the party, for more than a few minutes each time... gah. 

Your family will get to the point that everyone will make sure she is not served tomatoes. I am lactose intolerant, and am allergic to corn. If I don't make it clear to a waitress, no cheese, someone else in the family will make sure they understand.

For future meals -does the seasoning have tomato in it?  I would think you could make her tacos with lettuce, meat, tortillas, and cheese and maybe some guacamole (you might have to make yourself b/c DH puts salsa in his Guac) or sour cream.

[oped]

Oct 29, 2018 16:42:58 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

So DD did not go to the therapist.  She refused, said she was scared, didn't want to talk to anyone she didn't know, ect...  I don't know how to make a 12 year old go besides picking her up and forcing her.  Not that I could she is almost as tall as I am.  DH could but I really just can't see that ending well at all, and the following appointment be useful at all.   She did go with me to get the dog bed, and turn in the home schooling paper work.  I feel exhausted with all the running around.  I am really thinking of taking a 1/2 a day tomorrow to at least catch up on a few more things some of it work paper work.  

Did you talk about what a therapist might do or say? Can you schedule an appointment 'for yourself' and have her observe it. 

Actually, i'm not sure a 12 year old who has never been to a therapist should go by herself the first time... to me sometimes you need to see a few therapists, interview them almost, before you find one that works for you and at 12 with no experience i'd think it would be good to have a parent there to help ask questions and confer afterwards. 

Like i said, my kid needs looong transition times to new events. Talk about it. Research it. Watch videos about it. Talk about it more. Go see it being done. Sometimes do a scaffolded version of it... and then he's ok. 

One reason homeschooling worked for him, i thought the other day but never came back to say it, is that the entire schooling process is not a transition 'to school' and then transition 'to life'... its a 12 year+ transition to life... no need to waste energy or time on the frequently false social context of schools, only focus on learning the rules of the 'real world'... 

[oped]

Oct 29, 2018 17:23:45 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Oct 29, 2018 14:49:02 GMT -5 oped said:

Daughter had a Harry Potter party Saturday and i have been ill... just cold, chest a little fever... anyway i havent been working at full form. I said how about tacos, because easy and said just pick up the white packets of saucy seasoning but forgot daughter has been having increased reactions to tomatoes and yeah, you guessed it. She graduated to puking this time. Fun times. But it didn't stop the party, for more than a few minutes each time... gah. 

Your family will get to the point that everyone will make sure she is not served tomatoes. I am lactose intolerant, and am allergic to corn. If I don't make it clear to a waitress, no cheese, someone else in the family will make sure they understand.

For future meals -does the seasoning have tomato in it?  I would think you could make her tacos with lettuce, meat, tortillas, and cheese and maybe some guacamole (you might have to make yourself b/c DH puts salsa in his Guac) or sour cream.

Yeah, we are there! Yes most dry seasoning is fine and i can make my own, we don't have tacos often anyway i just thought what can i feed 11 teens easily... funnily enough because pizza has tomatoes, duh. I just happened to say grab the saucy stuff and she didn't look either. sigh. We are all allergic or sensitive to something/a few things. My mom, sister, daughter and I went away for a few days the other week and us ordering is so much fun. We tip really well. My mother throws up mushrooms. My daughter can't have tomatoes and although she and sis are sensitive to gluten will eat some, but mom and i can't have any gluten without a reaction....

[debthaven]

geenamercile can you and/or your DH go with DD for the first session or two? When my kids went to therapy DH and/or I always attended the first session or two with them.

Then it was up to the child if they wanted to continue or not, but at least they could hopefully make an educated decision.

All the best to you and your DD.

[geenamercile]

Both DH and I would have been there with her the whole time.  It was an intake appointment.  And yes at least 1 of us would have been there any other time as well.  She has been in therapy before, it was with an art therapist and she went from spring of her 5th grade year to about December of her 6th grade year, summer too.  She then said she didn't want to see him anymore so we switched to another lady in the same practice and she went for about 2 months before she just flat out refused to go.  Wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't get into the car.  We could take everything away from her, ground her ect... but all that ended up doing was her sitting there shut down for the appointment.  She also refuses to take any type of medication, although I personally think the one mood stablizer helped.  But we can't get it prescribed if she doesn't go to therapy.  We tried the whole (and it is the honest truth) that we go this once and see if you like the lady and the horses.  She was dead set against it, didn't want to talk to anyone ect...  I will keep calling around, we may see about trying one that comes to the house but then she will most likely just lock her herself in her room.  She is getting better at being able to express her feelings, saying that she is feeling anxious, scared, worried, sad, ect...  But struggles with using the coping skills and strategies to move through them.  

We will keep moving forward and yes I think the homeschooling is the right move.  I think it will just be steps forward, just small steps.  

[Pants]

Oct 29, 2018 17:48:48 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Both DH and I would have been there with her the whole time.  It was an intake appointment.  And yes at least 1 of us would have been there any other time as well.  She has been in therapy before, it was with an art therapist and she went from spring of her 5th grade year to about December of her 6th grade year, summer too.  She then said she didn't want to see him anymore so we switched to another lady in the same practice and she went for about 2 months before she just flat out refused to go.  Wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't get into the car.  We could take everything away from her, ground her ect... but all that ended up doing was her sitting there shut down for the appointment.  She also refuses to take any type of medication, although I personally think the one mood stablizer helped.  But we can't get it prescribed if she doesn't go to therapy.  We tried the whole (and it is the honest truth) that we go this once and see if you like the lady and the horses.  She was dead set against it, didn't want to talk to anyone ect...  I will keep calling around, we may see about trying one that comes to the house but then she will most likely just lock her herself in her room.  She is getting better at being able to express her feelings, saying that she is feeling anxious, scared, worried, sad, ect...  But struggles with using the coping skills and strategies to move through them.  

We will keep moving forward and yes I think the homeschooling is the right move.  I think it will just be steps forward, just small steps.  

Can you make therapy of some kind a condition of homeschooling?

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2018 17:48:48 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Both DH and I would have been there with her the whole time.  It was an intake appointment.  And yes at least 1 of us would have been there any other time as well.  She has been in therapy before, it was with an art therapist and she went from spring of her 5th grade year to about December of her 6th grade year, summer too.  She then said she didn't want to see him anymore so we switched to another lady in the same practice and she went for about 2 months before she just flat out refused to go.  Wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't get into the car.  We could take everything away from her, ground her ect... but all that ended up doing was her sitting there shut down for the appointment.  She also refuses to take any type of medication, although I personally think the one mood stablizer helped.  But we can't get it prescribed if she doesn't go to therapy.  We tried the whole (and it is the honest truth) that we go this once and see if you like the lady and the horses.  She was dead set against it, didn't want to talk to anyone ect...  I will keep calling around, we may see about trying one that comes to the house but then she will most likely just lock her herself in her room.  She is getting better at being able to express her feelings, saying that she is feeling anxious, scared, worried, sad, ect...  But struggles with using the coping skills and strategies to move through them.  

We will keep moving forward and yes I think the homeschooling is the right move.  I think it will just be steps forward, just small steps.  

I don't know the backstory or what exactly is going on with your daughter, so I won't try to offer more advice. I do hope you and your DH find a way to get her the help she needs and/or are able to help her practice using the coping skills and strategies she's already learned. Good vibes to all of you.

[geenamercile]

Oct 29, 2018 18:04:27 GMT -5 Pants said:

Oct 29, 2018 17:48:48 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Both DH and I would have been there with her the whole time.  It was an intake appointment.  And yes at least 1 of us would have been there any other time as well.  She has been in therapy before, it was with an art therapist and she went from spring of her 5th grade year to about December of her 6th grade year, summer too.  She then said she didn't want to see him anymore so we switched to another lady in the same practice and she went for about 2 months before she just flat out refused to go.  Wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't get into the car.  We could take everything away from her, ground her ect... but all that ended up doing was her sitting there shut down for the appointment.  She also refuses to take any type of medication, although I personally think the one mood stablizer helped.  But we can't get it prescribed if she doesn't go to therapy.  We tried the whole (and it is the honest truth) that we go this once and see if you like the lady and the horses.  She was dead set against it, didn't want to talk to anyone ect...  I will keep calling around, we may see about trying one that comes to the house but then she will most likely just lock her herself in her room.  She is getting better at being able to express her feelings, saying that she is feeling anxious, scared, worried, sad, ect...  But struggles with using the coping skills and strategies to move through them.  

We will keep moving forward and yes I think the homeschooling is the right move.  I think it will just be steps forward, just small steps.  

Can you make therapy of some kind a condition of homeschooling?

Tried that, and in someways that discussion isn't over yet either.  She is really just against bringing anyone new, specially an adult into her circle of people.   

[Jaguar]

geenamercile, does your DD do yoga or meditation ?

[oped]

Oct 29, 2018 17:48:48 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Both DH and I would have been there with her the whole time.  It was an intake appointment.  And yes at least 1 of us would have been there any other time as well.  She has been in therapy before, it was with an art therapist and she went from spring of her 5th grade year to about December of her 6th grade year, summer too.  She then said she didn't want to see him anymore so we switched to another lady in the same practice and she went for about 2 months before she just flat out refused to go.  Wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't get into the car.  We could take everything away from her, ground her ect... but all that ended up doing was her sitting there shut down for the appointment.  She also refuses to take any type of medication, although I personally think the one mood stablizer helped.  But we can't get it prescribed if she doesn't go to therapy.  We tried the whole (and it is the honest truth) that we go this once and see if you like the lady and the horses.  She was dead set against it, didn't want to talk to anyone ect...  I will keep calling around, we may see about trying one that comes to the house but then she will most likely just lock her herself in her room.  She is getting better at being able to express her feelings, saying that she is feeling anxious, scared, worried, sad, ect...  But struggles with using the coping skills and strategies to move through them.  

We will keep moving forward and yes I think the homeschooling is the right move.  I think it will just be steps forward, just small steps.  

I frequently tell new homeschoolers who are coming from a traumatic school experience to pretty must do nothing for the first 6 months. Sometimes they balk... but 6 months spent removing walls and barriers and then surging forward is infinitely better than spending the next however many years battling the same walls and barriers in an attempt to break through. 

And, this isn't actually 'nothing' but its all student led. She can't sleep all day. Maybe she has to read, or write or do art, etc. but all her choice within that framework. And cooking, cleaning, etc. can be in there too. Field trips, exploring interests, etc.

Kids frequently need to recuperate before they can embrace something new. If therapy isn't working now i wouldn't push it. Its a lot to adjust to at once. So long as she isn't an immediate danger to herself or others. As stated, won't do a thing if she doesn't want it. 

Ok. so she has some experience. New outlook then. After you finally break in a new therapist at some point down the road, you and dad SHOULD leave her with the trusted therapist... at 12+ there are things you might not want to say in front of mom and dad. 

Meds might help. Just breathing for a spell might too. Maybe don't do therapy... but can she just take horseback riding lessons? Or go to yoga? Read to the dog. Do things that could behaviorally help even if she isn't ready for the therapy component yet. 

Homeschooling doesn't have to be school at home. It can be really tailored to what your daughter needs. 

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2018 17:48:48 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Both DH and I would have been there with her the whole time.  It was an intake appointment.  And yes at least 1 of us would have been there any other time as well.  She has been in therapy before, it was with an art therapist and she went from spring of her 5th grade year to about December of her 6th grade year, summer too.  She then said she didn't want to see him anymore so we switched to another lady in the same practice and she went for about 2 months before she just flat out refused to go.  Wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't get into the car.  We could take everything away from her, ground her ect... but all that ended up doing was her sitting there shut down for the appointment.  She also refuses to take any type of medication, although I personally think the one mood stablizer helped.  But we can't get it prescribed if she doesn't go to therapy.  We tried the whole (and it is the honest truth) that we go this once and see if you like the lady and the horses.  She was dead set against it, didn't want to talk to anyone ect...  I will keep calling around, we may see about trying one that comes to the house but then she will most likely just lock her herself in her room.  She is getting better at being able to express her feelings, saying that she is feeling anxious, scared, worried, sad, ect...  But struggles with using the coping skills and strategies to move through them.  

We will keep moving forward and yes I think the homeschooling is the right move.  I think it will just be steps forward, just small steps.  

These were different circumstances from yours, but when my kids wouldn't participate in therapy, I kept going alone. I felt like maybe unearthing and dealing with my own issues would help me be more capable of dealing with theirs since they were mostly unwilling to work directly with a therapist. They wouldn't flat out refuse to go, they just wouldn't really participate, especially my daughter. My son didn't really have a choice for a while, but that's another story. Sometimes we'd all go together, or me and one, or one of them alone. Whatever seemed best, needed or most productive at the time. But regardless of what they did, I kept going.

Im not at all trying to imply that you have issues that are negatively affecting your daughter, I want to be clear about that. But do you think that you talking to a professional might give you some tools or knowledge that could help you to help your daughter? Like I said before, I don't know exactly what all is going on with her, so it's just a thought.

[geenamercile]

Yea I am not so ready to drop the academics since that really isn't an issue for her.  Really she is already a year ahead in English and Math but I still want to continue it, and she enjoys Science.  Looking into different life science kits online.  History she had another 1/2 of the semester and she would have been done.  Figure we can cover the american history from the 20s up with some good documentaries and popcorn.  I don't want to push to much social skills on her, but not doing something she enjoys because there are going to be other people around, not okay either.  So we will just keep working at finding a balance. 

She will say that she doesn't want to feel these ways, that she doesn't know why she feels this way, she wants to be happy.  Most of the time her anxiety presents as freeze and flight.  Last year there were a few times last year however when pushed during this it did come out as fight. 

I do want to do something along the lines of yoga or meditation.  Even just walking in the woods ect...  It is late... well kind of late and my head is still spinning.  I need direction and I need to get her moving towards a direction.   

[geenamercile]

I do have have a fair amount of professionals that I pump for advice form school psychologist, counselors, social workers, educational diagnostics and other SPED teachers. Emotional disabilities is my focus, although I work as an LD currently. So at my school I am the one that get the IEPs with these disabilities. I just had two moved to my caseload in the last two weeks. And this is one of the things that came back to bite us in the butt with the last therapist. One of DD’s complaints was that they weren’t helping her with anything that was new. That they just gave her the same strategies and coping skills that I was teaching her at home so why should she waste her time in going. And maybe part of the reason I want her to see someone else so much is as a double check behind me. Sometimes I wonder if my aunt was right. At one point she told me that she didn’t think I should have kids because of the genes and the mental disorders that are in my family.  

I do think she needs some time to recenter, and build up her confidence and interest again.  

[oped]

Oct 29, 2018 19:29:41 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

Yea I am not so ready to drop the academics since that really isn't an issue for her.  Really she is already a year ahead in English and Math but I still want to continue it, and she enjoys Science.  Looking into different life science kits online.  History she had another 1/2 of the semester and she would have been done.  Figure we can cover the american history from the 20s up with some good documentaries and popcorn.  I don't want to push to much social skills on her, but not doing something she enjoys because there are going to be other people around, not okay either.  So we will just keep working at finding a balance. 

She will say that she doesn't want to feel these ways, that she doesn't know why she feels this way, she wants to be happy.  Most of the time her anxiety presents as freeze and flight.  Last year there were a few times last year however when pushed during this it did come out as fight. 

I do want to do something along the lines of yoga or meditation.  Even just walking in the woods ect...  It is late... well kind of late and my head is still spinning.  I need direction and I need to get her moving towards a direction.   

Ok. But if she isolates herself for a few months that isn't going to be horrible. That's the 'trauma' for her, rather than academics (although if she's already ahead... truth bomb, i don't think my daughter is doing much of anything academic in school her last two years, but she did lots the years before that so... global development doesn't have to follow a continuous scope and sequence). 

You really don't need to move in a direction yet. Its ok to experience stasis for a bit. Breathe. Find out where you are. Rest. Be ok where you are. This may be as big an issue for you as her, but it IS OK to have periods to shut down and regroup. MOST of nature does it. Think of you as a bear going into hibernation, or a flower packing it in for the winter. Just take a little time. It really will be ok... 

[finnime]

THe championing of your DD will make all the difference, geenamercile. In time maybe you'll find a therapist she can relate to who offers new approaches. My DS found someone who did that for him, working from a philosophy based on being as fully present in the moment as possible, to see where it leads. He also worked on tactics for forming friendships (he had anxiety issues).

[oped]

I have a good list of movies (made in and about), books, essays, documentaries, etc. grouped from 1920s onward i can shoot you over if you want. We had a great time that year. Did a lot of our literature in conjunction with history. 

[geenamercile]

I would appreciate it.  

[Peace77]

Agree. Give each kid their own gift card. Can each kid get a different picture on the gift card? If not, put a small sicker on them.

[Deleted]

Anyone know if the Flumist vaccine is still crap?   Older son and I got our flu shots a while back, but I'm not even going to attempt with Carrot this year, it's just too traumatizing for everyone.  He doesn't "need" to get any shots until he goes to high school I believe, so I'd rather just avoid entirely for a few years.  Last year the clinic didn't offer it saying it wasn't effective.  I don't know if they are this year, but I see the grocery store is (and they pay me 20 cents a gallon in fuel saver rewards).  I think I'm going to do it unless I find something negative about it.  I remember my boss telling me years ago when his kids got it they all got really sick right after. 

eta:  And now I'm thinking of how polar opposite my kids are on so many things.  Carrot has major panic attacks with needles and flying and older son wants to be a pilot and was bouncing off the walls excited to be giving blood today at school. 

[raeoflyte]

I know it's way too early to see if its going to be a viable system yet, but the kids followed their morning checklists and we were out the door before 7:40.  There was still a fair amount of dawdling, whining, and even an injury requiring ice and a bandaid and we were still ready and out the door before 7:40.  E started on the evening checklist as well and says she loves lists.  C really does not, but says he loves screen time so he'll do what he has to.  

I haven't restricted anything yet.  The work they do this week determines screen time for next week so that will be rough.  I am going to raid the library for audio books to try to quell the riots I'm expecting.  I need something C will latch onto right away.  Maybe Harry Potter, but I'd love suggestions.  

[finnime]

Yes, minnesotapaintlady, Flumist is now approved by the CDC for effectiveness. It does use the weakened live virus, not the killed virus that the shot entails. You can get it as the quadravalent type, too (better - 4x virus instead of 3).