The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[zibazinski]

I think it’s more of a buildup to something else. It’s always simmering on the back burner and any little thing can set it off.

[Lizard Queen]

Sept 5, 2018 22:50:29 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

DH and I had it out tonight. Over something maybe dumb. Set me straight if I need it.

We had dinner at 9p after a long night with the kiddos. DH and I just nuked food for our own selves. I got leftovers. DH got a frozen dinner.

Apparently, his first EVER in 32 years.

He made a comment about it being his first one. I quipped something about being broke and hungry in my 20's and eating more of those than I cared to. He had to go and say he had never had frozen dinner *and* never even paid rent because he was "smart."

I put the rest of my leftovers in the fridge and walked away. Said his comment was ignorant. He wasnt "smart", but rather, he has lived off his privilege as a cis white male and hadn't needed to pay for rent or meals.

Why the fuck is a frozen dinner the source of my angst tonight?

So, he was trying to say that he's smarter than you, and you cut him back down to size. Hmm, not good for a relationship all the way around. Still going to therapy together? There's some fodder there. Why would he even say something like that? Does he feel that inadequate, or was he trying to be funny?

[gs11rmb]

Sam_2.0 you know I love you and don't love your husband   but... is it possible he was also quipping about being smart enough not to pay rent?  If he wasn't doing so in his 20's it seems pretty obvious his parents were paying his rent - correct?  If so, that doesn't make him smart but it also doesn't mean he was living off cis-male white privilege.

[Sam_2.0]

He never paid rent because he couch surfed. His parents didn't pay rent for him.

There's more to it, for sure. I am so tired of his little comments where he thinks he is funny, but it really isn't. But today he got mad at me for not apologizing for being upset. I had misunderstood his intent, and that hurt his feelings, so he wanted me to apologize for getting upset. What?!?!??!?!?

[gs11rmb]

Sept 6, 2018 8:48:05 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

He never paid rent because he couch surfed. His parents didn't pay rent for him.

There's more to it, for sure. I am so tired of his little comments where he thinks he is funny, but it really isn't. But today he got mad at me for not apologizing for being upset. I had misunderstood his intent, and that hurt his feelings, so he wanted me to apologize for getting upset. What?!?!??!?!?

Yay... I can stop defending your husband!!!

Boo... really sorry you're still dealing with all of this (his) drama.  I thought things were going well for you recently, I hope this is only a temporary blip.

[flamingo]

Sam_2.0, my DH makes dumb comments like the one your H made on the regular. If he makes them at the wrong time, I respond similarly to how you did on the theory that I'm "educating" him. Let's be real though, my tone of voice isn't always educational, because by the time i'm annoyed enough to snap back with a comment like that I can't always control my tone. The difference is that my DH usually tells me that while my message has been received, my tone may have been too harsh, though he doesn't expect an apology for me being upset and he says he'll try harder. 

I'll also say, for me, when something like this sets me off, it's never the comment that's the cause. There's always something bigger underlying it and the comment was just the final straw. I hope it was just a blip and things calm down for you today.

[finnime]

Demanding an apology for you reacting to his bone-headed comment is effed up. He is not owed an apology in any world.

[muttleynfelix]

Sept 5, 2018 22:50:29 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

DH and I had it out tonight. Over something maybe dumb. Set me straight if I need it.

We had dinner at 9p after a long night with the kiddos. DH and I just nuked food for our own selves. I got leftovers. DH got a frozen dinner.

Apparently, his first EVER in 32 years.

He made a comment about it being his first one. I quipped something about being broke and hungry in my 20's and eating more of those than I cared to. He had to go and say he had never had frozen dinner *and* never even paid rent because he was "smart."

I put the rest of my leftovers in the fridge and walked away. Said his comment was ignorant. He wasnt "smart", but rather, he has lived off his privilege as a cis white male and hadn't needed to pay for rent or meals.

Why the fuck is a frozen dinner the source of my angst tonight?

Didn't he live with you for part of his 20s? If he said he was smart for doing that rent free, then he just admitted he took advantage of you. That would be very hurtful.

[Sam_2.0]

Sept 6, 2018 10:17:04 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Sept 5, 2018 22:50:29 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

DH and I had it out tonight. Over something maybe dumb. Set me straight if I need it.

We had dinner at 9p after a long night with the kiddos. DH and I just nuked food for our own selves. I got leftovers. DH got a frozen dinner.

Apparently, his first EVER in 32 years.

He made a comment about it being his first one. I quipped something about being broke and hungry in my 20's and eating more of those than I cared to. He had to go and say he had never had frozen dinner *and* never even paid rent because he was "smart."

I put the rest of my leftovers in the fridge and walked away. Said his comment was ignorant. He wasnt "smart", but rather, he has lived off his privilege as a cis white male and hadn't needed to pay for rent or meals.

Why the fuck is a frozen dinner the source of my angst tonight?[img src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/idunno.gif" alt="" class="smile" src="//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/huh.png"]

Didn't he live with you for part of his 20s? If he said he was smart for doing that rent free, then he just admitted he took advantage of you. That would be very hurtful.

He didn't officially live with me until we got married, but he stayed there a lot. He was only 22 when we got married. And I was the one with the job paying for everything. At least back then he would cook & clean while I was at work. Apparently getting married just erased the knowledge of how to do those things from his brain.

[Jaguar]

Sam you don't need to apologize, you're only reacting to his crappy comment. <<< HUGS >>> to you!

[Pants]

Sept 6, 2018 10:26:29 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Sept 6, 2018 10:17:04 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Didn't he live with you for part of his 20s? If he said he was smart for doing that rent free, then he just admitted he took advantage of you. That would be very hurtful.

He didn't officially live with me until we got married, but he stayed there a lot. He was only 22 when we got married. And I was the one with the job paying for everything. At least back then he would cook & clean while I was at work. Apparently getting married just erased the knowledge of how to do those things from his brain.

So... he was never poor in his 20s... because he married his sugar momma who paid for everything. 

Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... 

[geenamercile]

Sept 6, 2018 10:26:29 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Sept 6, 2018 10:17:04 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Didn't he live with you for part of his 20s? If he said he was smart for doing that rent free, then he just admitted he took advantage of you. That would be very hurtful.

He didn't officially live with me until we got married, but he stayed there a lot. He was only 22 when we got married. And I was the one with the job paying for everything. At least back then he would cook & clean while I was at work. Apparently getting married just erased the knowledge of how to do those things from his brain.

So he admitted to being a mooch for two years.  I don't think couch surfing for 2 years is smart but being a user of people you are claiming to care for, and who cares for you.


I am back at work.  The school year seems to be going well for ODD.  So far no missed days, and she is doing well in her classes too.  She also seems to just be happier and more involved.  I am back at work.  Last night I just had to tell DH I was too tired/drained to cook dinner and he needed to do it.  Seriously, we are off summer schedule I an dropping some of the things I did at home and you need to pick them up.   

Ydd is enjoying her soccer.  I don't think having a make up practice the next day is a big deal.  If the kids make it great if not, that is okay too.  She has practices on Mondays and Thursdays and games on Saturday.  This weekend will be her first game.

[alabamagal]

Sept 6, 2018 9:28:43 GMT -5 finnime said:

Demanding an apology for you reacting to his bone-headed comment is effed up. He is not owed an apology in any world.

You should never apologize for being upset. Being upset is a feeling. Don’t apologize for the way that you feel.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2018 8:48:05 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

He never paid rent because he couch surfed. His parents didn't pay rent for him.

There's more to it, for sure. I am so tired of his little comments where he thinks he is funny, but it really isn't. But today he got mad at me for not apologizing for being upset. I had misunderstood his intent, and that hurt his feelings, so he wanted me to apologize for getting upset. What?!?!??!?!?

That would be the last thing DH ever said to me. The cops would be finding body parts years later buried in various neighbors yards.

I'm not saying DH is Mr Sensitive but he knows when he's crossed a line and needs to shut up.

Your DH needs that lesson. When will you stop making excuses for him. He is an adult at this stage in the game he owns being an asshole.

[Jaguar]

Sept 6, 2018 17:04:24 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2018 8:48:05 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

He never paid rent because he couch surfed. His parents didn't pay rent for him.

There's more to it, for sure. I am so tired of his little comments where he thinks he is funny, but it really isn't. But today he got mad at me for not apologizing for being upset. I had misunderstood his intent, and that hurt his feelings, so he wanted me to apologize for getting upset. What?!?!??!?!?

That would be the last thing DH ever said to me. The cops would be finding body parts years later buried in various neighbors yards.

I'm not saying DH is Mr Sensitive but he knows when he's crossed a line and needs to shut up.

Your DH needs that lesson. When will you stop making excuses for him. He is an adult at this stage in the game he owns being an asshole.

[raeoflyte]

C came home with 4 pages of math homework last night. He swears they were just assigned to the entire class yesterday and not earlier in the week.  He had play practice and jiu jitsu after school.  He did about 15 minutes of math when we got home, and another 20 minutes this morning. Plus his 30 minutes of reading per day, but he still had 1 entire page and 1 problem on 1 page blank when he left for school.  He goes to 4th grade for math and we didn't go to her for back to school night so we don't know what to expect from her on homework.  

I don't love homework, but I get that they're going to have some.  I can handle the 10 minutes per night, per grade, but when they have 30 minutes of reading per day I don't want another 30 minutes of math coming home a night either.  If he didn't have stuff after school it would be different too, but as it is, he rarely hits an hour of screen time a day during the week.  He has his activities, plays with neighborhood kids, preps for the next day and we are beat.  He's only in 2 activities right now, but we're probably still "over-scheduled" but life has to be about more than just going to school (or work).  

Maybe that was assigned on Tuesday and we just didn't hear about it till the last minute.  We'll see.  

[Deleted]

I'm really anti-homework in grade school.  I can see some kids needing the extra time put into some areas, but a straightforward everyone gets stuff they need to do at home?  Bah humbug.  On a normal day with no after school activities (besides swimming which he does while I'm still at work), Carrot gets home at 5 or 5:30.  Then we have dinner, a few chores to do, piano practice, maybe a bath, and just like that it's 8:00 and time for bed.   Throw in having a couple things we do in the evenings during the week, he has visitation with his Dad on Wednesday evenings and there is not much time for homework when you need to be to bed early.  Our Montessori is a charter so they still have to take the annual state mandated proficiency tests and despite no homework or other testing in the school, they still score higher than the traditional grade schools, so I don't see that it's really helping anyhow.  

[Lizard Queen]

Oh yeah, I forgot about the nightly reading. Oops! ODS is supposed to do 20 minutes every night. I think that's a reasonable amount of time. We just don't do it that often. It worked better when I made him read in the car--Maybe I'll go back to that. This week has been a big adjustment with school and soccer practices starting. The kids are tired out.

Our first other homework was one side of a page of multiplication last night that took my kid about 5 minutes.

[raeoflyte]

I have readers so that one isn't bad for us, although it meant that C stopped letting me read to him a lot younger than I expected.  I figured I'd be able to read him some of my favorite books as bed time stories.  

[Sam_2.0]

A goes to bed at 730 when J does, but she's allowed to read until she falls asleep. She loves reading so it hasn't been an issue so far. I am not sure of the exact time she spends, but she's getting through her books and looks forward to that time every night. If we've been out late I tell her its lights-out, she gets pretty sad. I remember reading every night before I fell asleep too. The problem I have now is that I won't put the book down so I keep reading well past when I should.

[tcu2003]

Sept 7, 2018 11:48:13 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm really anti-homework in grade school.  I can see some kids needing the extra time put into some areas, but a straightforward everyone gets stuff they need to do at home?  Bah humbug.  On a normal day with no after school activities (besides swimming which he does while I'm still at work), Carrot gets home at 5 or 5:30.  Then we have dinner, a few chores to do, piano practice, maybe a bath, and just like that it's 8:00 and time for bed.   Throw in having a couple things we do in the evenings during the week, he has visitation with his Dad on Wednesday evenings and there is not much time for homework when you need to be to bed early.  Our Montessori is a charter so they still have to take the annual state mandated proficiency tests and despite no homework or other testing in the school, they still score higher than the traditional grade schools, so I don't see that it's really helping anyhow.  

This is how I feel about homework. In kindergarten, they wanted them to do 10 minutes a day - it could be reading, sight words, counting, practice writing, whatever. In first grade, we are to read to or with our child every day, and then get random stuff sent home sometimes like a math worksheet that typically takes less than 10 minutes. He also has a spelling test every week, so he had that list to practice (which honestly, we do the night before the test). Except for reading practice, it all just seems like busy work. We don’t get home until nearly 6 most nights, and 2-3 nights per week he has something going on. My focus is on dinner, playtime, and enjoying my kids, not busy work.

[zibazinski]

It’s hard. I taught school and I resented homework and “projects.” I didn’t bring my job home and do it all over again for three hours. I felt so sorry for my kids. I wish I could have afforded private school for them to avoid it.

[alabamagal]

I also hated the homework stuff. To me it’s like the schools are forcing parents to be involved, and I don’t think that is the way to do it. Kids spend plenty of time at school, enough that they don’t need extra learning time. If you want parents to do things like review spelling words, then do that. But don’t send home busy work to get the parents involved.

And my kids went to private school and had just about the same homework bs.

[zibazinski]

Sept 7, 2018 18:26:12 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I also hated the homework stuff. To me it’s like the schools are forcing parents to be involved, and I don’t think that is the way to do it. Kids spend plenty of time at school, enough that they don’t need extra learning time. If you want parents to do things like review spelling words, then do that. But don’t send home busy work to get the parents involved.

And my kids went to private school and had just about the same homework bs.

It’s more that teachers don’t have time to teach everything anymore so you get to figure it out on your own at home. Good luck!!

[geenamercile]

Sometimes it is hard getting everything taught and practiced enough for mastery in a day.  To me homework is used in two ways, it is to reinforce and practice skills that students have learned, in which case they should be able to do it themselves.  Or, homework is used to introduced a concept that will be further developed in classes.  For example reading about a historical event so it can be discussed the next day. 

YDD had a great first soccer game.  Her team won 3 to 2 and she scored a goal.  But her and the girls had a really good time.    

[raeoflyte]

C said that they didn't go over the homework on Friday.  He didn't bring it home to finish over the weekend though either.  Which honestly is fine.  I'm supposed to be writing a 14 page paper that's due tomorrow... And C needs to be working on learning the songs/lines for the play which is plenty of work for all of us.  

[tcu2003]

M has picked up a couple of new phrases that are hilarious or annoying, depending on the moment. She’s started saying “no want it” in reference to anything she doesn’t want. And then there is “help me” - that one usually makes me LOL because for some reason it reminds me of this old lifeline “help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up commercials.”

She’s also completely got going up and down the stairs figured out. We still had the baby gate up for C at 2 (until he was about 26 months), but she’s going up and down by herself.

[Pants]

Sept 9, 2018 19:50:43 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

M has picked up a couple of new phrases that are hilarious or annoying, depending on the moment. She’s started saying “no want it” in reference to anything she doesn’t want. And then there is “help me” - that one usually makes me LOL because for some reason it reminds me of this old lifeline “help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up commercials.”

She’s also completely got going up and down the stairs figured out. We still had the baby gate up for C at 2 (until he was about 26 months), but she’s going up and down by herself.

#secondkid

[tcu2003]

Sept 9, 2018 19:55:45 GMT -5 Pants said:

Sept 9, 2018 19:50:43 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

M has picked up a couple of new phrases that are hilarious or annoying, depending on the moment. She’s started saying “no want it” in reference to anything she doesn’t want. And then there is “help me” - that one usually makes me LOL because for some reason it reminds me of this old lifeline “help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up commercials.”

She’s also completely got going up and down the stairs figured out. We still had the baby gate up for C at 2 (until he was about 26 months), but she’s going up and down by herself.

#secondkid

#sotrue DH and I look at each other frequently and make some remark along the lines of “you never would have let your first child do that.” ;-)

[Wisconsin Beth]

I've got C reading to the cat.

So far he's not brought homework home, other than reading 20+ minutes a night.

K has brought some home but it's maybe 15-30 minutes total. Her teacher doesn't like homework on weekends.

S few years ago the teachers were big on personal responsibility, then we got a new principal and I think he wanted parental signatures. But that's my guess. Like others, if the kids bring stuff to us, we sign it.