The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[swamp]

Sept 25, 2017 7:42:53 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 24, 2017 19:55:48 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Some household chores are falling by the wayside and it is driving my wife bunkers. We are not "dirty"; just not as clean as we used to be.

Anyway my wife brought up the cleaning lady again today. So will look into it!

That's life with kids.  You have three adults (one not working) and one kid, I'd kill for a one on one ratio!  The best thing to do is just relax and quit worrying about keeping things perfect.  This Phyllis Diller quote was always hanging up in my grandma's kitchen.

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing”

Relax.  The house won't be spotless.   You miss out on some serious fun with your kids if you're worried about it being clean all the time.  

Do you want Carlie to remember having to be careful all the time so as to not mess up the house?  Sucky way to grow up if you ask me. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mrs C would have a stroke if she saw my house. I am pretty sure my obituary is going to say "Died after tripping on a Little People and breaking her neck after landing on the Dora house".

I'll be honest sometimes I get very frustrated and overwhelmed by it all.   I fantasize about cans of gasoline and a match.

Course looking at my desk right now I guess I shouldn't be too surprised at what my house looks like.

[Deleted]

My house is full of Legos and Nerf darts, partially spread by the boys, partially by the cats.  I have to wade through books on the floor in younger son's room to get to his bed.  His upper bunk is more of a toy storage area.  I don't even go into older son's room unless I have to (actually I avoid the entire lower level which is pretty much all his).  My bedroom has become laundry central, to the point that half my bed is always half full of clothes sorted in the night while the kids are sleeping...I just sleep on the other side.

It does drive me ape shit bonkers sometimes, especially when I can't find things, but I think someday I'm going to miss the craziness.  Plus while I used to keep a spotless house,  I never really liked cleaning.  Now I have an excuse to not do it very much! 

[steph08]

Diaper-changing tantrums - oh yeah. We got/get those a lot. You just have to be super fast and try to distract them as well. It's easier to distract but harder to wrangle them as they get older. But it's harder to distract and easier to wrangle when they are younger. Eventually I just give up the changing table and change them on the floor and throw toys at their faces...

Clean house - Everything changes when you have a baby, and a lot of people don't understand just how far that extends into your life. It isn't just your free time that you're giving up, it isn't just the time increase in getting out the door, it isn't just making four different foods for dinner, it encompasses everything. A clean house is one of those things. We have two adults, two kids, and two dogs in our house. It's not clean, but Hoarders hasn't been called yet.

Carl - I think it is hard for this group to really understand your situation and your wife's grievances about a clean house, etc. because our lives are very different compared to yours. In our house, the ratio is 1:1 - two adults to two kids. Other posters on here, it's 2:1 - four kids to two adults. Or 1:2 one kid to two adults. Other posters it's 3:1 - three kids to one adult. However, in your situation, the ratio is 1:3 - one kid to three adults. It's hard because we look at your family dynamic and think "Oh my god, it would be so much easier to do stuff if we had three adults caring for just one kid." I can understand your wife's concerns and whatever, but I cannot sympathize with them because my life and family dynamic is so much different than yours. And I learned a long time ago, back when I was pregnant with Harper, that nothing will ever be the same. Whatever life you led before, whatever your house looked like before, whatever you were before - is gone.

Also - if I gave my MIL free room and board for years and she suddenly wants to give up watching the kid after a few months, I'd be pissed!!!  But I never even took grandparents into consideration when we were planning childcare. 

Kid update

Chloe had her 15 month well check last week (at 16 months). 95th percentile for height (almost 34 inches), 75th for head circumference, 50th for weight (24 pounds).

She's only about 4 inches and 4 pounds below Harper.  

Went to a work conference last week and DH was in charge for five days - they all seemed to survive.

[econstudent]

Steph - how did YOU do being away?

[cael]

Carl, we're facing the diaper change struggles too. I just do it as quick as possible, just another phase to ride out I think... still sucks though.

Onto another phase: anyone have any advice for the throwing everything phase?? A throws his godamn food all the time which makes me insane, but he's started throwing all his shit too, just on the floor or over the gates. I've tried everything from picking them up and nicely telling him to treat them gently and patting the things, to grabbing them from him before he can chuck them, to not giving them back (he isn't bothered by that), and nothing is changing anything. My stupid fucking idiot husband goes "I'm going to start slapping his hands when he throws things, that'll teach him" no, you aren't you fucking moron. But seriously, any advice or do I just need to let him do it and wait it out? So frustrated by this and over it.

[Deleted]

He's doing physics experiments.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 25, 2017 9:27:08 GMT -5 cael said:

Carl, we're facing the diaper change struggles too. I just do it as quick as possible, just another phase to ride out I think... still sucks though.

Onto another phase: anyone have any advice for the throwing everything phase?? A throws his godamn food all the time which makes me insane, but he's started throwing all his shit too, just on the floor or over the gates. I've tried everything from picking them up and nicely telling him to treat them gently and patting the things, to grabbing them from him before he can chuck them, to not giving them back (he isn't bothered by that), and nothing is changing anything. My stupid fucking idiot husband goes "I'm going to start slapping his hands when he throws things, that'll teach him" no, you aren't you fucking moron. But seriously, any advice or do I just need to let him do it and wait it out? So frustrated by this and over it.

I gave it 3 times.  The first time it's thrown, I give it back; the second time I'll say "this is the last time you get this back" and hopefully DS got it; the third time, it stays where it is.  Rinse, repeat.  He'll be bothered when all of his stuff has been thrown and he isn't getting it back - believe me.

[steph08]

Sept 25, 2017 9:25:21 GMT -5 econstudent said:

Steph - how did YOU do being away?

I did okay. I was gone Saturday afternoon through Thursday evening. I started missing the kids on Tuesday, but we video chatted so that was nice and lifted my spirits. I was ready to be home by Thursday! 4 nights away would have been better than 5. 

[cael]

Sept 25, 2017 9:35:14 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 25, 2017 9:27:08 GMT -5 cael said:

Carl, we're facing the diaper change struggles too. I just do it as quick as possible, just another phase to ride out I think... still sucks though.

Onto another phase: anyone have any advice for the throwing everything phase?? A throws his godamn food all the time which makes me insane, but he's started throwing all his shit too, just on the floor or over the gates. I've tried everything from picking them up and nicely telling him to treat them gently and patting the things, to grabbing them from him before he can chuck them, to not giving them back (he isn't bothered by that), and nothing is changing anything. My stupid fucking idiot husband goes "I'm going to start slapping his hands when he throws things, that'll teach him" no, you aren't you fucking moron. But seriously, any advice or do I just need to let him do it and wait it out? So frustrated by this and over it.

I gave it 3 times.  The first time it's thrown, I give it back; the second time I'll say "this is the last time you get this back" and hopefully DS got it; the third time, it stays where it is.  Rinse, repeat.  He'll be bothered when all of his stuff has been thrown and he isn't getting it back - believe me.

I'll keep trying that approach and see what happens.. he hasn't cared one bit that he hasn't gotten anything back.

[MJ2.0]

also, I know it's hard, but try to be as nonchalant about it as possible.  Sometimes attention is attention is attention, and they don't care if it's bad or good.

[cael]

Yeah I've started to try and ignore it some of the time, especially when I'm getting really frustrated to the point I feel like starting to yell at him. this fahkin kid is killing me, man..

[MJ2.0]

I'm still trying to ignore stuff, like the constant fart noises or loud singing or remembering to not respond when a request is made without a "please".  It's still pretty hard.

[raeoflyte]

I don't think a 1 year old is going to understand consequences yet for that kind of stuff Cael.  At that age they're just seeing what control they have over their environment, so if you feel like picking it up and handing it back, great. If you don't and you step over it, great.  If you pick it up and put it out of reach because you're an inch from losing your ever loving mind over everything on the floor, that's great too (because you might get to keep that inch of sanity!)

Throwing food would end the meal for me, and I'd try to see what he does before he starts throwing and end the meal then if I could.  The kids grazed until at least 4, and I swear they are capable of sitting at the table for a meal now and even asking to be excused (sometimes at least).  

[raeoflyte]

Sept 24, 2017 22:03:11 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

As far as household chores, if everyone cleans up their own mess including whatever bathroom they use, that'll help a lot. Laundry does itself pretty much. Floors take some time as well though. Even my small house needs sweeping them swiffering then either Bona on the wood or the wet stiffer stuff on the tile. If you're expecting a spotless house, you're going to be unhappy.

You and I live in completely different worlds...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

With the throwing phase we ignore it unless it's something of value, like my NOOK.

She was doing it for attention because as soon as she threw it she'd look at us for validation.   A lot of stuff went "missing" during that time period.

With food and drinks we take it away.  Abby likes to spit her drink out and stick her hands in it.  I take it away.  She has a fit and I tell her to drink it "normal" and I'll give it back. If she does it again then I take ita away for good because clearly she isn't that thirsty/hungry if she's spending all her time playing with it.

[cael]

Sept 25, 2017 10:36:02 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I don't think a 1 year old is going to understand consequences yet for that kind of stuff Cael.  At that age they're just seeing what control they have over their environment, so if you feel like picking it up and handing it back, great. If you don't and you step over it, great.  If you pick it up and put it out of reach because you're an inch from losing your ever loving mind over everything on the floor, that's great too (because you might get to keep that inch of sanity!)

Throwing food would end the meal for me, and I'd try to see what he does before he starts throwing and end the meal then if I could.  The kids grazed until at least 4, and I swear they are capable of sitting at the table for a meal now and even asking to be excused (sometimes at least).  

I usually end the meal or at least the item he's currently on when he starts throwing, I've just gotten so frustrated by it. I can't put more than 1 thing on his tray because he'll totally ignore the one he doesn't want more, like if I put his broccoli and chicken together he'd eat the chicken and not touch the broccoli, but if I gave him the broc first separately he'd probably eat some. If something else he wanted more was within his line of vision he'd point to that and throw what's on his tray. I can't put too much on the tray at once because he loves scrambling his hands over little things and he'll do that with the food if there's too much. My husband says he has luck putting some food down for him and walking away, but I usually sit with him while he eats so some of the throwing may be for my benefit because he knows he gets a rise out of me. If I start to get seriously pissed with the food he stops and he waves at me in between throws. pain in the ass.

[raeoflyte]

And what is with the farting noises!?!  I told C that for whatever reason that sound just pushes me over the edge.  He seemed sympathetic, but just can't stop himself.  Coming up with new ways to make farting noises is his pride and joy.  

C had made so much progress on being scared.  I think we had a week with everything just smooth sailing, even slept without a nightlight.  Then this weekend, and I knew better, I took the kids into an ARC thrift store to get stuff for our halloween party (Alice in Wonderland theme, nothing scary).  I thought we'd be able to avoid the halloween area, but there was enough out that it set us back.  Still so much better than he was, but he was scared by the time it was dark out which was a bummer.  I think that kid is getting out of errands until November.  

[cael]

And I'm additionally frustrated with the meals because on top of liking to huck his stuff, he's picky. He still won't eat pasta reliably for me in any form, plain or not, he won't eat most bread products, likes strawberry jelly but not on anything (and he doesn't like picking up saucy or goopy stuff, he looks at it disdainfully and shakes his hands like ugh, get off), he's on-again-off-again with meat. Like the other night the only 'dinner' I could get him to eat was some broccoli, half a fruit pouch, 3oz of milk and lentil crisps. He likes crunchy crackery stuff so he'd eat goldfish for a whole meal if I let him. Luckily if I can count on anything, he'll usually eat at least green beans and a fruit like a pear or peach or blueberries. He likes chicken and meatballs 50/50, and I tried some chicken sausages the other night he liked so there's that at least.

Someday he will eat and sleep, I hope.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

He's one, one year olds are picky. You're only causing grief.

I assure you that he is not doomed for life if he doesn't eat a well balanced consistent diet at 1 year old.   Gwen ate pretty much nothing but Gerber puffs her entire first year.  Pediatrician said as long as she wasn't losing weight let her eat whatever the heck she wanted.  I was never going to win the dinner battle against a one year old.

[cael]

He's definitely not too small or not growing or too skinny or anything. I have given up trying a lot of new things and just go back to the staple things I know he'll eat, even though it still annoys me. My SIL keeps saying he'll eat when he's hungry, and I know that's right.

[Deleted]

My oldest was picky until about age 12 when it got to the point that there wasn't enough food in the world to satiate him.  Now he eats a lot more stuff...in bulk. 

Youngest won't touch hardly anything bread related.  Try making lunches for a kid that doesn't like bread.  Or peanut butter.  It's really hard.  He usually ends up with red peppers, some kind of fruit, meat sticks and cheese stick. 

[Sam_2.0]

Farting noises and poop jokes are fair game, but only in the bathroom where such behavior is normal. It all of a sudden is no fun to do without an audience, because going to the bathroom is not a group activity. Although when I was giving the kids a bath the other night, J started in with the poop jokes. As I started to correct him, he looked at me and grinned "But Im in the bathroom!" LOL, got me there buddy. Enjoy your captive audience

[econstudent]

DH (he's a BCBA) always says you need to know the function of the behavior- why are they doing it? Say he's throwing food any you think it's for attention, so you end the meal rather than give attention for it. Well, if he's actually throwing food for escape (he wants to get down and play), you just reinforced that throwing food gets you what you want.

Obviously it's not always easy to know the "why." And sometimes there is more than one reason! At work, he takes data to test different theories to figure it out.

Also, to echo MJ, he's always saying "negative attention is still attention."

[econstudent]

Sept 25, 2017 10:48:34 GMT -5 cael said:

Sept 25, 2017 10:36:02 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I don't think a 1 year old is going to understand consequences yet for that kind of stuff Cael.  At that age they're just seeing what control they have over their environment, so if you feel like picking it up and handing it back, great. If you don't and you step over it, great.  If you pick it up and put it out of reach because you're an inch from losing your ever loving mind over everything on the floor, that's great too (because you might get to keep that inch of sanity!)

Throwing food would end the meal for me, and I'd try to see what he does before he starts throwing and end the meal then if I could.  The kids grazed until at least 4, and I swear they are capable of sitting at the table for a meal now and even asking to be excused (sometimes at least).  

I usually end the meal or at least the item he's currently on when he starts throwing, I've just gotten so frustrated by it. I can't put more than 1 thing on his tray because he'll totally ignore the one he doesn't want more, like if I put his broccoli and chicken together he'd eat the chicken and not touch the broccoli, but if I gave him the broc first separately he'd probably eat some. If something else he wanted more was within his line of vision he'd point to that and throw what's on his tray. I can't put too much on the tray at once because he loves scrambling his hands over little things and he'll do that with the food if there's too much. My husband says he has luck putting some food down for him and walking away, but I usually sit with him while he eats so some of the throwing may be for my benefit because he knows he gets a rise out of me. If I start to get seriously pissed with the food he stops and he waves at me in between throws. pain in the ass.

Allie does this too. Sometimes I serve the less-preferred food first- to everyone. She can't know we're having pasta or she will eat nothing else, even food she loves. So everyone has their broccoli first, then we have the spaghetti.

[Lizard Queen]

My oldest is finally off the peanut butter sandwich kick that has spanned multiple years, but now he wants lunchables. What a freaking ripoff! May have to set up a homemade version, but I wonder if that will fly.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Gwen proudly told me that someone had taught her to make fart noises with her armpit.   Then proceeded to do them all evening and experiment with what other body parts she could make noises with.

This lead to DH demonstrating how his real farts are better than Gwen's fake farts.

I'm thinking about moving.

[MJ2.0]

Sept 25, 2017 10:53:18 GMT -5 cael said:

And I'm additionally frustrated with the meals because on top of liking to huck his stuff, he's picky. He still won't eat pasta reliably for me in any form, plain or not, he won't eat most bread products, likes strawberry jelly but not on anything (and he doesn't like picking up saucy or goopy stuff, he looks at it disdainfully and shakes his hands like ugh, get off), he's on-again-off-again with meat. Like the other night the only 'dinner' I could get him to eat was some broccoli, half a fruit pouch, 3oz of milk and lentil crisps. He likes crunchy crackery stuff so he'd eat goldfish for a whole meal if I let him. Luckily if I can count on anything, he'll usually eat at least green beans and a fruit like a pear or peach or blueberries. He likes chicken and meatballs 50/50, and I tried some chicken sausages the other night he liked so there's that at least.

Someday he will eat and sleep, I hope.

at 1, most of DS's veggies were in the form of those little squeeze pouches.  I'd get those fruit + veggie blends and they'd usually be sweet enough that he'd eat it all without realizing he "accidentally" ate broccoli or butternut squash.  I went through the baby aisle in the store yesterday to get a container of butternut squash to sneak into the mac and cheese, and I started remembering when DS was only eating baby food.  It was actually easier then - no wasting time cooking and everything was portable, lol!

At 6, DS is a decent eater.  He'll eat 4 veggies with no problem, but he will still eat them last or push them around after eating the main meal parts.  I do the same thing a lot of the time so I really can't get on him.  He's eating them, why do I care if it's the absolute last things he eats?

[MJ2.0]

Sept 25, 2017 11:14:38 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

My oldest is finally off the peanut butter sandwich kick that has spanned multiple years, but now he wants lunchables. What a freaking ripoff! May have to set up a homemade version, but I wonder if that will fly.

wheat thins, sliced bricks of cheese, and ham rolls.... it worked for DS!  He used to beg for Lunchables, but thankfully he's past it.  He is iffy about peanut butter because school doesn't allow it due to allergies.  I bought the expensive-as-hell fake peanut butter but he's still gun shy.

[Pants]

Sept 25, 2017 10:10:14 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I'm still trying to ignore stuff, like the constant fart noises or loud singing or remembering to not respond when a request is made without a "please".  It's still pretty hard.

Why would you ignore fart noises, fart noises are hilarious!