The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[alabamagal]

Re: kid's activities - I think it is fine for kids to be involved in lots of different activities.  But they do not have to start everything at a young age and be focused on any one thing.  At a young age, it should be all about fun.  

Kids who start activities at a later age usually catch up quickly, even if they start behind others that are the same age.  I just finished watching US Open Tennis and Sloane Stephens won the women's title - she did not start tennis until she was 9.  My boys skipped Cub Scouts and all the junior ranks and joined senior scouts when they started 6th grade.  They both made it to Eagle Scout at age 16 (thanks in part to a great scout master).  Both boys started football in middle school, the younger one was good at it (thanks to his size) and could have gone on to play in college.

Our only rules are that you must put your best effort at whatever you try.  Also, if you sign up for a team sport, you finish the season, because you are leaving your team with a reduced roster if you quit.

[saveinla]

Sept 14, 2017 11:13:08 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

My kids are in a lot of stuff, but with the exception of piano lessons for Carrot, most of it is super cheap.  This town and a lot of wealthy benefactors here are really invested in youth programs.  We have things going on every single night, sometimes 2 or 3 things, but neither one wants to quit anything so we keep on trucking.  I would happily stop hauling them if I heard any whining about having to go.  Last year older son was bitching about going to scouts and how I have him so scheduled.  I took off my coat, kicked off my shoes and turned on Netflix.  We didn't go and he freaked because "I NEVER MISS A MEETING!!"   I asked him if he really thought I liked driving all the way to town to sit in the van with his little brother watching Sing for the 700th time while he was in his meeting?   If he was going to complain about having to go because I forced him then we would quit.  No skin off my back! 

He brought up the I have him so over scheduled thing again earlier this year and I begged him to pick one or two things to quit, but surprise surprise he didn't want to give anything up. 

Sing is awesome 

[muttleynfelix]

My kids aren't in anything besides school at the moment. But it is a money issue. If I had an extra $100 a month they would back in gymnastics in a heartbeat, but I'm still trying to recover financially from the new AC unit. I was really pissed about baseball and soccer this summer. Neither were really interested when they were actually on the field, but gymnastics with the small classes and constantly moving worked for them.

I'm sort of done with my family. Ben has been better behaved lately, but DH has basically been sick for 3 weeks straight. 1st week was pain levels were unmanageable. The next week was an upset stomach and this past week has been a cold he can't shake. I have had very little down time. I've gotten out once without kids that wasn't grocery shopping or work and I've taken the kids out for significant stretches each weekend. DH needs to get his rear better, because I don't know if I can handle another weekend of just me and the kids another day him sick. I had to leave early this morning and DH was in bad shape, sleeping on the couch. So I made sure Ben was up and then told him he had to watch the clock and asked him what time he had to leave to make it to school on time. I'm sure DH was fine, but I had an 8am meeting with some headhaunchos in my office, so I couldn't afford to wait to get Ben to school myself to leave.

[swamp]

Sept 14, 2017 9:07:07 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I've been thinking about that too.   I've already told her if we let her quit that's it she's not doing anything for the rest of the year and I am not enrolling her in anything else when it comes time to next summer.

It also irritates me because she shows a natural talent for both.  Her dance instructors and her karate teachers are all really impressed with her.   If she would just focus a tiny bit she could really excel but she doesn't want to put in the effort.

She thinks she wants to do gymnastics and soccer.   Umm. .. hell no.  Not only because they are both freakishly expensive but with the types of jobs DH and I have we can't follow a strict schedule, we had enough trouble with dance.   I sure as heck don't see the level of drive in Gwen that I would expect from her if we were to shell out for either of those activities.

Kiwanis soccer here is $20 per kid for the season.  I got cleats on the FB garage sale website.  I sprung for new socks and shin guards 2 years ago.  

[swamp]

My kids are in a ton of stuff, but it's cheap where i live.  

My kids will also sit on their butts and do nothing if given the chance.


Both play soccer, DD starts dance tonight, DS starts hip hop dance in November.   Soccer will be done mid October, so then it's on to figure skating for DD and Basketball for DS, but bball is only on saturday morning, and it's $10 for the season.  

They don't do anything in the spring.   They don't like Lax or baseball/softball. 

[Deleted]

I'm thinking drama... I would never have started a kid, particularly a 7 year old, in an activity with the 'black belt leadership course' or whatever in my mind. We'd take a month of classes to see what it's like, or better yet go to an open house or take a free lesson, etc first. 

I wonder if your expectations are too high for these things? I mean, I understand wanting to get your money's worth, but sometimes we do things without a lofty end goal, just to experience them and see...? 

[Chocolate Lover]

Sept 14, 2017 16:06:49 GMT -5 oped said:

I'm thinking drama... I would never have started a kid, particularly a 7 year old, in an activity with the 'black belt leadership course' or whatever in my mind. We'd take a month of classes to see what it's like, or better yet go to an open house or take a free lesson, etc first. 

I wonder if your expectations are too high for these things? I mean, I understand wanting to get your money's worth, but sometimes we do things without a lofty end goal, just to experience them and see...? 

IIRC, the kid was interested in the course.

[empress of self-improvement]

I was in band. That's it. And I was not given a choice either. It was a family tradition that my family be in a band and by damn, we were all in band. Due to the fact that it was a year round thing and rehearsal was 3 nights a week, it was a little difficult to join sports or drama. Not that I would have joined a sport since couch potato wasn't one. I didn't do GS or any of that either. Basically I sat at home and read. A LOT! I prefer books over people.

[Sam_2.0]

Damn, swamp, I wish we could get stuff that cheap here. The one dance studio we had Aly at wanted $80/m for a 4yr old. Then we switched to another studio because it was only $50/m but we had to drive 20 mins to get there.

Aly may do Girl Scouts because I want her in something fun and there's no way I am letting her join any of the church groups nearby just due to bad experiences. My mom keeps asking to have the kids join their church's weds night Awana program and I keep stalling. She doesn't understand why I want nothing to do with it. There is a karate class that will pick the kids up from school 1 day per week and the classes are right after school. I've considered that one but Aly has no interest in karate.

[tcu2003]

Do you not have city parks and rec classes, sam? I know ours offers dance and maybe gymnastics? C does t-ball and soccer through them - it was around $60 each maybe for a 6-week session. I've looked at karate or golf (they do a parent/child golf session), but we had too much going on and the day/time didn't work. I'll probably have him try tennis in a couple of years when he's old enough for the city class. Our new community center just opened and they offer kids in the kitchen classes, which look awesome, but I think you need to be 7 so we've got a couple of years.

[Jaguar]

Sept 14, 2017 16:19:55 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Damn, swamp, I wish we could get stuff that cheap here. The one dance studio we had Aly at wanted $80/m for a 4yr old. Then we switched to another studio because it was only $50/m but we had to drive 20 mins to get there.

Aly may do Girl Scouts because I want her in something fun and there's no way I am letting her join any of the church groups nearby just due to bad experiences. My mom keeps asking to have the kids join their church's weds night Awana program and I keep stalling. She doesn't understand why I want nothing to do with it. There is a karate class that will pick the kids up from school 1 day per week and the classes are right after school. I've considered that one but Aly has no interest in karate.

I agree with you on the letting Aly do Girl Scouts over Awana program.

[taz157]

I does gymnastics once a week at $75/month. For the most part, she loves it! There are times she doesn't want to do it for whatever reason but she's glad she's done it afterwards.

We should get her back in swimming lessons but I'll look into it more for next year. We have a neighborhood pool but we only went a couple of times. Hopefully we can go more next year and she'll be able to practice more with swimming too.

Other than gymnastics or swimming, she hasn't mentioned wanting to do anything else.

[andi9899]

What's Awana? I'm so not religious.

[Jaguar]

Sept 14, 2017 17:08:04 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

What's Awana? I'm so not religious.

I found this on it ..... Reaching kids with the gospel. Engaging them in long-term discipleship.

From Wiki : Awana (derived from the first letters of "Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed" as taken from 2 Timothy 2:15) is an international evangelical Christian nonprofit organization founded in 1950, headquartered in Streamwood, Illinois. The mission of Awana is to help "reach kids, equip leaders and change the world for God."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Awana

[swamp]

Sept 14, 2017 16:19:55 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Damn, swamp, I wish we could get stuff that cheap here. The one dance studio we had Aly at wanted $80/m for a 4yr old. Then we switched to another studio because it was only $50/m but we had to drive 20 mins to get there.

Aly may do Girl Scouts because I want her in something fun and there's no way I am letting her join any of the church groups nearby just due to bad experiences. My mom keeps asking to have the kids join their church's weds night Awana program and I keep stalling. She doesn't understand why I want nothing to do with it. There is a karate class that will pick the kids up from school 1 day per week and the classes are right after school. I've considered that one but Aly has no interest in karate.

Dance is $410 fir the two of them fir the year. Figure skating is also about &400 a season.

[econstudent]

Sept 14, 2017 16:19:55 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Damn, swamp, I wish we could get stuff that cheap here. The one dance studio we had Aly at wanted $80/m for a 4yr old. Then we switched to another studio because it was only $50/m but we had to drive 20 mins to get there.

Aly may do Girl Scouts because I want her in something fun and there's no way I am letting her join any of the church groups nearby just due to bad experiences. My mom keeps asking to have the kids join their church's weds night Awana program and I keep stalling. She doesn't understand why I want nothing to do with it. There is a karate class that will pick the kids up from school 1 day per week and the classes are right after school. I've considered that one but Aly has no interest in karate.

Here too. Soccer is $100 for 8 sessions.

The bigger constraint for us is time. I don't know how other working families do it, but we don't get home until 5:30 and Maggie has to go to bed by 8. With dinner, a shower, trying to squeeze in a little free play at the park, and her homework (which isn't much), I struggle to even find enough time to read to her daily. I can't imagine fitting in an activity.

I could probably sign her up for something on weekends but there are always things we want to do on the weekends so I hesitate to do that. So basically, I'm just glad she's exposed to lots of cool stuff at school, and I don't worry about it too much. If it were up to her, she'd do ballet and Irish dance and gymnastics and every other activity she heard about from her friends.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Gwen begged to be put in karate.  We signed up for the 6 week trial course for $60.   At the end of the six weeks I sat down with her and asked her if she was having fun and did she want to continue.  She said yes.

We had MULTIPLE discussions about choosing dance or karate and I made it crystal clear that momym cannot afford to do both either when it comes to money or time.  She told me she loved karate.  So I signed her up for regular classes.

The trial started back in July.  We're only a month into regular classes.

She is in the smallest kid's group and is only at orange belt.  I am not expecting her to achieve black belt, that was HER stated goal despite mommy, the instructors and grandpa telling her if she wanted to get that far it would require time and commitment.

I do not say one word about her not practicing at home even though as part of testing requirements she is supposed to and turn in her sheet.  I just sign off on it and hand it back.  She's passed so far with flying colors so I choose to pick my battles.

SHE is the one that brought up black belt training because it involves weapons.  I said we could give it a try.  I misunderstood the advertisement thinking it was free.  Then I found out it was $100 a month and we'd be required to attend 3 classes a week.

*I* decided not to sign up because even though Gwen begged me to, I know her and she's not ready for that.

I explained to her what I would expect for that amount of money and time.  I told her that I do not think she is ready and if she keeps up with karate for a couple years THEN we can consider investing in black belt training. I told her instructor last night when he asked how the trial went that I simply do not think Gwen is ready for it.

Now she wants to quit all together.   I do not care if she ever becomes a black belt or not. I DO expect that she pay attention in class, respect her instructors and do what she is told.   If that makes me an overbearing parent then that's another good reason to not do these kind of activities.  I am clearly not laid back enough to consider it worth paying $75 to watch her goof off during class.

[justme]

Sept 14, 2017 11:22:25 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Sept 14, 2017 11:14:33 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

No Girl Scouts. I am NOT a Girl Scout person.   I would consider it if SIL was still a troop leader but her daughter is long done with scouts.  I'd rather attempt to become a dance mom again than become a Girl Scout mom.

that's because GS is basically learning how to fix boo-boos, cook, do ugly crafts, and barely camp.  Basically be a good caretaker.  Hopefully it's different now because that was my experience.  I do want DS in Boy Scouts though.  X was a scout and I know he thinks it's important, but he's defending his dissertation in a few weeks.  Maybe we'll try to get DS joined in spring.

It's ALL about the leader. I loved it, but my mom was the leader so that helped a lot. We'd camp a lot. She'd talk local businesses into helping us get badges. On the council wide camps she'd bring buckets and sponges for a water fight while the other troops did the stuff you mentioned looking longingly at us. Oh and our finale trip included whitewater rafting and journeying into caverns.

I'm not sure on boy scouts cuz my bro dropped out early, but they seem much more regimented. Up until you're trying to get your gold or silver award in high school there's no requirements to continue on and the different levels are grade related. So leader is in full control.

[Deleted]

Isn't AYSO everywhere? 

[saveinla]

Sept 14, 2017 18:34:07 GMT -5 oped said:

Isn't AYSO everywhere? 

Apparently not as I understand from this thread. 

[TheHaitian]

Not into activities yet so not sure what amount is the correct amount...

I did say no to Gymboree but now that she is crawling my wife would like to sign her up. I think it is $80/month or something like that...

Once she turns 1 we will do swimming lessons (I felt 6 months was a bit too early).

Then we talked about other options : my wife did ballet and would like her to try (even if my wife hated it and ended up quitting - mostly because of the teacher) and for me she needs to play at least 1 musical instrument. She can pick, but she will need to do at least one.

Growing up my wife did : ballet, tennis.

I did: soccer, volleyball.

Also we both agreed with our schedules the limit is 1 activity per season...

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 14, 2017 15:46:43 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

My kids aren't in anything besides school at the moment. But it is a money issue. If I had an extra $100 a month they would back in gymnastics in a heartbeat, but I'm still trying to recover financially from the new AC unit. I was really pissed about baseball and soccer this summer. Neither were really interested when they were actually on the field, but gymnastics with the small classes and constantly moving worked for them.

I'm sort of done with my family. Ben has been better behaved lately, but DH has basically been sick for 3 weeks straight. 1st week was pain levels were unmanageable. The next week was an upset stomach and this past week has been a cold he can't shake. I have had very little down time. I've gotten out once without kids that wasn't grocery shopping or work and I've taken the kids out for significant stretches each weekend. DH needs to get his rear better, because I don't know if I can handle another weekend of just me and the kids another day him sick. I had to leave early this morning and DH was in bad shape, sleeping on the couch. So I made sure Ben was up and then told him he had to watch the clock and asked him what time he had to leave to make it to school on time. I'm sure DH was fine, but I had an 8am meeting with some headhaunchos in my office, so I couldn't afford to wait to get Ben to school myself to leave.

Sorry.  Hope your DH feels better soon.

[seriousthistime]

Sept 14, 2017 17:23:07 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Sept 14, 2017 17:08:04 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

What's Awana? I'm so not religious.

I found this on it ..... Reaching kids with the gospel. Engaging them in long-term discipleship.

From Wiki : Awana (derived from the first letters of "Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed" as taken from 2 Timothy 2:15) is an international evangelical Christian nonprofit organization founded in 1950, headquartered in Streamwood, Illinois. The mission of Awana is to help "reach kids, equip leaders and change the world for God."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Awana

I didn't like how Awana used kids to recruit other kids into joining.  Even kids who had a strong religious upbringing other than evangelical Christians were being recruited.  My daughter begged and begged to go with her friend, who kept telling mu daughter that it was just a really fun thing where they play games, read books, and have snacks.  It was tempting for a 7 yr old girl.  My daughter went once.  She came home disgusted and said it was a few games, and a lot about God.  I heard later that the member kids were sort of given a quota to bring X number of new kids to an Awana meeting each year.

Maybe that's not how it is at each church/Awana group. But that's how it was in our area in the 1990s. I also didn't like the church that sponsored it (philosophically or otherwise).  I thought their ulterior motive was to rope the kids into joining Awana so they could rope the parents into coming to the church and then joining the church so they could get more and more donations to add onto the building for their every-growing flock.  

Sam, maybe I missed this somewhere, but why is your mother pushing you to allow your kids to go to Awana anyway? I don't get it.    

[MJ2.0]

what's AYSO?

And justme yes, the troop leader(s) do make the difference.  IIRC, the troop leaders I had were working moms who:
1) probably had little energy to devote to cool and interesting activities/badges
2) had little to no interest in anything beyond the basics in the GS guide

If I had a SAHM or a really outdoorsy and creative working mom as a troop leader, my experience would have been more well rounded.  Although as a kid I was a tub of lard who didn't want to do any more moving than necessary, so I'm sure I was happy at the time.

[Deleted]

www.ayso.org/site3.aspx

[Pants]

Sept 14, 2017 19:42:56 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Sept 14, 2017 17:23:07 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

I found this on it ..... Reaching kids with the gospel. Engaging them in long-term discipleship.

From Wiki : Awana (derived from the first letters of "Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed" as taken from 2 Timothy 2:15) is an international evangelical Christian nonprofit organization founded in 1950, headquartered in Streamwood, Illinois. The mission of Awana is to help "reach kids, equip leaders and change the world for God."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Awana

I didn't like how Awana used kids to recruit other kids into joining.  Even kids who had a strong religious upbringing other than evangelical Christians were being recruited.  My daughter begged and begged to go with her friend, who kept telling mu daughter that it was just a really fun thing where they play games, read books, and have snacks.  It was tempting for a 7 yr old girl.  My daughter went once.  She came home disgusted and said it was a few games, and a lot about God.  I heard later that the member kids were sort of given a quota to bring X number of new kids to an Awana meeting each year.

Maybe that's not how it is at each church/Awana group. But that's how it was in our area in the 1990s. I also didn't like the church that sponsored it (philosophically or otherwise).  I thought their ulterior motive was to rope the kids into joining Awana so they could rope the parents into coming to the church and then joining the church so they could get more and more donations to add onto the building for their every-growing flock.  

Sam, maybe I missed this somewhere, but why is your mother pushing you to allow your kids to go to Awana anyway? I don't get it.    

If I remember correctly, it's because her parents are fundamentalists/evangelicals. Pushing others into evangelism is sort of the default setting.

[Pants]

Wisconsin Beth - can't be bothered to find your post couple pages back (who knew activities was such a raging topic? ) The gymnastics place where we take B has a ninja warrior class, so there might be one at a gym near you.

I wrote a post earlier about activities but it got eaten. We've done swimming with both girls - B since 18 months, K since 15 months or so. We continue to do swimming. We are a water family, my parents have a pool and a large pond on their property and to us knowing how to swim is a safety issue. So that's non-negotiable.

As part of B weaning off physical therapy from her paralysis, her PT pushed us into gymnastics. I was hesitant as I don't think gymnastics is a particularly admirable sport at the higher levels (abusive coaches, crazy parents, absurd diets, etc.), her dad is 6'4" and I'm 5'7", so she's not going to succeed long-term as a gymnast due to body type, and I didn't want anyone to be putting body image issues on her generally.

Eating my words, because it's been FANTASTIC for her. The class is barely managed chaos for 5 year olds, but she's volunteering to go first for things, being brave and talking more about how she's strong. Even before she got sick, B was not a physically confident kid. Then add in total paralysis, months in a wheelchair, then leg braces, etc. etc. We are 3 weeks into gymnastics and the other day at the park she climbed all the way up a 2-story section of the play structure, tried the monkey bars and wanted us to look at how strong she was climbing around generally. If this is what gymnastics does, I'll give them $100/month forever. 

[Lizard Queen]

My kids are in lilkickers right now.  It's expensive, but seems great for developing skills and confidence.  More like preschool involving soccer than anything else.  It's not everywhere, but covers a lot of states.  I think they start at 18 months.

[Deleted]

TheHaitian - If I were you, I'd vote "no" on the Gymboree again.  Those baby classes are a total waste of money, she'd get as much out of crawling around your kitchen with some household items to play with.  Put the $80/month in a 529 or a savings account for later.  You're going to be forking over money for years for activities, don't start at 6 months! 

As a disclaimer, I did take older son to a lot of them, but he's no more intellectually advanced than his brother because of it.  It turned out to be mainly a place for me to go socialize when I was staying home. 

[raeoflyte]

I don't want my kids committed to anything right now--or anytime before they hit double digits.  Our goal with activities has been to get them exposed to different things so that they know that learning and trying new things can be fun.  We have a monthly budget for kid activities and I also add windfall cash in that bucket to cover extras--because I always want extras.  If they get bored with something we let them know that we will finish what we have scheduled, and then we can either take a real break or try something new.  

We're super over scheduled.  You guys would crucify me if you saw the color coded schedule with who goes where when after my meltdown a few weeks ago.   We couldn't do it if dh weren't part time, and working an opposite shift as me.  My parents are always willing to be our lifeline and help out when we've scheduled ourselves in too many places at once.