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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2011 9:26:21 GMT -5
- Child support is 250/week not a month
- The lawyer said the reason he will still need to pay some child support (even if he was awarded half custody) is because she is unemployed / no income. So he should keep on paying her so she could provide for the kids.
- We don't know for sure if it will be $100/week or remain $250/week. The lawyer is just guestimating that since now he was "legally" awarded shared custody and how the judge reprimanded her for not having a job (and how she needs to have a good reason why she doesn't have one or she better start looking) he might get lucky and get the custody reduced.
- As for the child, you guys make some pretty good point. They are still legally married and he doesn't know what is on the birth certificate. They live in PA if that makes a difference. He hasn't met the kid or care too (last time he went to pick up his kids and she was like do you want to see the baby... he was like : Screw you). But they haven't lived together for close to/over a year (She had the time to get knocked up and give birth) and she still lives with the baby daddy; so maybe he wanted his child to have his name or be recgonized on the birth certificate.
- I just know that the court required that they had to go to see a therapist or something to see who was more fit to raise the kids. Same for the 3 kids, they had to go see the same person... Some of exercises he told me (he had to bring the 3 kids with him ) was for him to discipline the kids, how the kids interact with him present or with him, asked them what they did when they were at his house etc.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on May 19, 2011 10:07:00 GMT -5
Now my parents are good people, so maybe that would make a difference to some of you, but when my mother left my father, while they both had joint legal custody, my father had physical custody of my brother and my mom had physical custody of me. For some of you, that would mean that my father shouldn't pay child support. But, my mother had spend over 2/3 of their marriage as a SAHM. Due to the 10+ years she was out of the work force, my father was also going to be earning more money than her. And my mom wasn't lazy. She worked 2-3 jobs at a time for the first 4 years after the divorce. But my dad paid $100/month in child support. No, that's not enough to provide food, clothes, or housing. But my mom could provide those things for me. The purpose of the money was to allow me to do things other than go to school and come home. It paid for school trips, the nice clothes I needed for Speech and Debate, and one year my mom used it to pay for plance tickets so I could visit my dad's parents for a couple weeks. These are all things that my brother got to do without money worries living at my father's.
The point of child support is to support the children, not the spouse (that's alimony/palimony).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 19, 2011 10:37:56 GMT -5
I'm shocked that the father allowed his kids to leave the marital home. If the "wife" wanted to leave and go live with her lover, then so be it, but take the kids with her? No way in hell would I have allowed that. He should have gotten a restraining order immediately. An unsafe environment with an unfit mother. With a man who had an affair with a married woman and got her pregnant. How do you suppose he treats those kids?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 19, 2011 10:47:10 GMT -5
I'm shocked that the father allowed his kids to leave the marital home. If the "wife" wanted to leave and go live with her lover, then so be it, but take the kids with her? No way in hell would I have allowed that. He should have gotten a restraining order immediately. An unsafe environment with an unfit mother. With a man who had an affair with a married woman and got her pregnant. How do you suppose he treats those kids? A bit meldramatic today, aren't we? There's no abuse alleged, so no reason for a restraining order. You don't know what their relationship was like, and you don't know if she's a good mom or a bad mom. Maybe the dad was telling her she's a useless pig and he's lucky he'll take her because no other man would. Outlandish? Yes, but it's happened.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 19, 2011 11:07:33 GMT -5
Even if all of that were true, to move in with some guy and get preggers by him is wrong. She should have kept her legs together, gotten a job and a place for her and her kids to live. THAT is the decent, moral, thing to do. Not live off two men.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2011 11:12:01 GMT -5
So do you think your friend is going to be able to work his work schedule around child care duty? He'll do it the same way any working mom would do it. I mean, it sounds like the mom in this scenario is a lazy piece of work, but how is a single dad balancing career and family any different than a single mom doing the same thing?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 19, 2011 11:13:15 GMT -5
Even if all of that were true, to move in with some guy and get preggers by him is wrong. She should have kept her legs together, gotten a job and a place for her and her kids to live. THAT is the decent, moral, thing to do. Not live off two men. Decent and moral, yes, but I still disagree that it makes her an unfit mother.
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Clever Username
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Post by Clever Username on May 19, 2011 12:26:39 GMT -5
Remember, we're only getting one side of the story here. It's completely possible (though unlikely) that she's moved on to a loving long term relationship where their only hurdle to getting marriage is finalizing the divorce with her first husband. Which is now in progress.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 19, 2011 12:36:59 GMT -5
Yes, where is hoops to stick up for the mother? I thought he was the champion of the 'other side of the story'
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 19, 2011 12:52:58 GMT -5
Yes, where is hoops to stick up for the mother? I thought he was the champion of the 'other side of the story' Only when the "other side of the story" has a penis.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on May 19, 2011 12:59:16 GMT -5
Even if all of that were true, to move in with some guy and get preggers by him is wrong. She should have kept her legs together, gotten a job and a place for her and her kids to live. THAT is the decent, moral, thing to do. Not live off two men. Decent and moral, yes, but I still disagree that it makes her an unfit mother. You don't think that teaching your children how to do the decent and moral thing is part of being a good mother? Kids learn by example. If they see Mommy doing all of this, they will think it is the right thing to do. This isn't the right thing to do, even if it is legal behavior. We should expect more from parents than simply feeding and sheltering children. If you want to be responsible for raising living things, you need to take the responsibility of teaching them what's right. If you only want the responsibility of making sure that they are alive/providing bare sustenance and can't handle the responsibility of teaching the correct behavior & how to be an appropriate member of society, get a house plant or a hamster (I wouldn't even give these people a dog or cat because dogs and cats can attack other pets or people). People say that the reason that we shouldn't place children in orphanages and that they should stay with parents who cannot provide for them is because they will get love and emotional support with their parents (whereas in an orphanage they would only get physical support). If that is true, then we need to expect more from our parents...otherwise let the state take them and provide for their physical wellbeing.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 19, 2011 13:08:20 GMT -5
I will give this lady the benefit of the doubt that her marriage was not working and she has moved on to find the love of her life.
But, she still needs to get a job and support her kids. I would think that of my best friend, even if her ex-husband beat her every day of their marriage. The whole "living off a man" thing only works when it is a relationship of mutual hard work and agreement. Her stance doesn't fly with me. If you want to leave your marriage, be prepared to get J-O-B.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 19, 2011 13:11:51 GMT -5
Decent and moral, yes, but I still disagree that it makes her an unfit mother. You don't think that teaching your children how to do the decent and moral thing is part of being a good mother? Kids learn by example. If they see Mommy doing all of this, they will think it is the right thing to do. This isn't the right thing to do, even if it is legal behavior. We should expect more from parents than simply feeding and sheltering children. If you want to be responsible for raising living things, you need to take the responsibility of teaching them what's right. If you only want the responsibility of making sure that they are alive/providing bare sustenance and can't handle the responsibility of teaching the correct behavior & how to be an appropriate member of society, get a house plant or a hamster (I wouldn't even give these people a dog or cat because dogs and cats can attack other pets or people). People say that the reason that we shouldn't place children in orphanages and that they should stay with parents who cannot provide for them is because they will get love and emotional support with their parents (whereas in an orphanage they would only get physical support). If that is true, then we need to expect more from our parents...otherwise let the state take them and provide for their physical wellbeing. I've got more of an issue with her for using her kids as an excuse for not working. I just don't get that excited about sticking my nose into other people's living arrangements.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2011 13:17:06 GMT -5
You don't think that teaching your children how to do the decent and moral thing is part of being a good mother? Kids learn by example. If they see Mommy doing all of this, they will think it is the right thing to do. This isn't the right thing to do, even if it is legal behavior. We should expect more from parents than simply feeding and sheltering children. If you want to be responsible for raising living things, you need to take the responsibility of teaching them what's right. If you only want the responsibility of making sure that they are alive/providing bare sustenance and can't handle the responsibility of teaching the correct behavior & how to be an appropriate member of society, get a house plant or a hamster (I wouldn't even give these people a dog or cat because dogs and cats can attack other pets or people). People say that the reason that we shouldn't place children in orphanages and that they should stay with parents who cannot provide for them is because they will get love and emotional support with their parents (whereas in an orphanage they would only get physical support). If that is true, then we need to expect more from our parents...otherwise let the state take them and provide for their physical wellbeing. I've got more of an issue with her for using her kids as an excuse for not working. I just don't get that excited about sticking my nose into other people's living arrangements. Especially when not everyone will agree on moral/immoral. Who makes the rules? Who enforces it? Will it apply to married couples? Those cohabitating? Only those divorcing?
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on May 19, 2011 13:24:34 GMT -5
I understand that people can't agree on moral vs immoral behavior for the most part. I would hope that most people would agree that doing stuff that hurts other people or innocent thrid parties is not the decent thing to do. I agree that she should be able to cohabitate with anyone she wants. I don't agree that it is right to cause drama in her children's life by shacking up and having a baby with one guy while in the middle of drama with their father. Additionally, not working to support those children because it is "the man's job" or "she has a baby" so the first father should pay more to support her lazy ass is immoral. If the father has to work more to pay more child support because she won't get off her ass and get a job, that hurts the children (less of his time and energy can go to them). That isn't the decent or moral thing to do (She is shortchanging her children to feed her laziness). Wouldn't you agree?
If she wants to have a crazy life and live in a commune with a million men, go for it.. But when you have children and they have to pay the price for your decisions, they should be your first priority and making decisions that negatively impact them does make you a bad parent.
ETA: There is a simple solution if you want to be your first priority always.... DON'T HAVE CHILDREN!!!! I have no problem with selfishness...but at least be responsible and don't have kids if you are selfish and think the world revolves around you and your desires.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 19, 2011 13:27:12 GMT -5
I guess I don't see falling out of love with someone the worst moral act in the history of man-kind. I agree that I would have made more of an effort to not get pregnant, but hey, there are a lot of things that I wouldn't do that plenty of perfectly fine people do.
Her problem is that she expects her ex-husband to 100% support her kids, which doesn't sound so bad, until you realize she probably wants enough to have a house and transportation. So, he would be fully supporting her, and her kids with another man in the process. That is just plain uncool.
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on May 19, 2011 13:44:06 GMT -5
Sorry I am so riled up about this, y'all. I have just known several women like this and it is sad and scary. I have seen their children dragged around, changing schools, losing belonginings, losing pets, etc all because mommy needs her next piece of action. The amount of turmoil and emotional damage is tremendous. The "mothers" think that everyone else owes them because they are mothers yet they do nothing for their children. They pass them off to grandparents, aunts/uncles, stepparents, neighbors/friends, etc. They never do it long enough to make it permanent, instead using the children as bargaining chips to get more financial support from their families and the state. It makes me sick. The worst part is the children have no idea how disfunctional it is and grow up thinking the situation is normal. Eventually, "mommy" will use them too... taking anything they have, destroying their credit, etc. I have seen it many times and the children are always the ones that pay the price for "mommy's" selfishness.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 19, 2011 13:54:08 GMT -5
Sorry I am so riled up about this, y'all. I have just known several women like this and it is sad and scary. I have seen their children dragged around, changing schools, losing belonginings, losing pets, etc all because mommy needs her next piece of action. The amount of turmoil and emotional damage is tremendous. The "mothers" think that everyone else owes them because they are mothers yet they do nothing for their children. They pass them off to grandparents, aunts/uncles, stepparents, neighbors/friends, etc. They never do it long enough to make it permanent, instead using the children as bargaining chips to get more financial support from their families and the state. It makes me sick. The worst part is the children have no idea how disfunctional it is and grow up thinking the situation is normal. Eventually, "mommy" will use them too... taking anything they have, destroying their credit, etc. I have seen it many times and the children are always the ones that pay the price for "mommy's" selfishness. I've seen it too, but the woman in the OP has been with this new guy for over a year. Maybe the first husband was an absolute douche and she needed to get away. We can't make that judgment for her.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on May 19, 2011 15:46:23 GMT -5
Yes, where is hoops to stick up for the mother? I thought he was the champion of the 'other side of the story' I've been busy getting ready for my wedding. But since you asked, I have no problem with mom taking the kids and leaving. Your life and relationship as an adult with another adult has nothing to do with whether you're a fit or unfit parent. The talk about "get a restraining order" seems ridiculous given there's no evidence of anything dangerous going on. I'm not really sure you who you think I'm going to stick up for given that I tend to consider things from the absent party perspective, and they're both absent in this case. I'm a little surprised that someone who supposedly loves their kids would simply let mom take them and leave though. It's not as if mothers have some inalienable right to take their kids wherever they go...I'm just not sure a restraining order is relevant (though I'm by no means an expert in this type of thing, so maybe you can get a restraining order to keep your kids in your house? Not really sure how that works besides both sides trying to "kidnap" the kids back and forth before you ever make it to court) In general I tend to find these kind of stories even more lopsided than "one sided". It's not even one sides story...it's one sides story as told through one of their friends. And if their agreement as previously that she would be a SAHP, I don't see a problem with making the child support based on that agreement for a period of time. Otherwise it's what..."you better not leave me or else you'll have no money and I won't help you pay for the kids"? ETA: In general I tend to agree with swamp on the idea of living with others. I don't see much reason to stay in a living situation you dislike, even if you go about it in a poor way, simply based on the idea that otherwise the government will "punish" you by taking your kids away. You put the kids where you think the kids will be best off, not to punish one party because of what they did wrong to the other adult in the relationship.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 20, 2011 11:15:15 GMT -5
I'm not sure what to make of her taking the kids. But if she was unemployed, it would have been easy for her to simply be gone when the father returned from work. We don't know enough about the situation. Zib could be totally on point with the father not allowing them to leave. Or swamp could be right that the situation got abusive and the mother fled for her safety.
I am glad to see a judge looking out for the Dad though.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 20, 2011 12:45:17 GMT -5
Getting pregnant by a guy A while you are married to a guy B is wrong wrong wrong.
That being said, isn't is also wrong to leave your children behind? If the husband is working long hours and she is at home, money thing aside (I can not believe I just said that), isn't it really better for the kids to be with the parent? Especially, since that's what they were used to before the divorce?
Lena
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2011 13:18:53 GMT -5
No he was not abusing her. Her reason for cheating was that he was always working (he used to have to two jobs) and she was lonely.
Guess what? Since they seperated he was able to quit his other part time job and now only works his full time job and still manage to live quite well. Also with only working 1 job he is able to spend more time with the kids.
She complained he was working too much to support them when they were together but now has the nerves to ask the judge that he should keep working to support them still after A) cheated on him B) left him C) got knocked up.
Also, her current boyfriend aka baby daddy is not even the guy she cheated on him with. It was her old co-worker at her job. They broke up, she moved to her moms and now moved in with her baby daddy.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2011 13:26:01 GMT -5
Gross, and that's a "fit" mother. If your friend was a douche canoe (love that term) then she had every right to leave but to have affairs, not work, and then get pg while still married to another man is beyond sick. Where do men find these trashy women?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 20, 2011 13:28:04 GMT -5
If she cheated with a co-worker, she must have been working at some point.
Now that she is divorcing, she isn't working at all. I think it is a ploy to get more money from future ex-hubby. And then she can go back to work and hope that he doesn't ask for an adjustment.
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2011 13:31:39 GMT -5
Lena, she had a job but she quit when it got ot she was screwing her co-worker. She is not working by choice not because she can't and she wants him to keep paying $250/week when she barely wants to let him see the kids.
Also to the other posters, every time a woman leaves/cheat on a guy it is not because the guy is an abuser or deserved. Some woman, believe it or not, can be total biatches.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 20, 2011 13:32:39 GMT -5
Also to the other posters, every time a woman leaves/cheat on a guy it is not because the guy is an abuser or deserved. Some woman, believe it or not, can be total biatches. Agreed, but one never knows what goes on behind closed doors.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 20, 2011 13:41:45 GMT -5
Thanks for the clarification cawiau. She sounds like yet another gem. I bet he wasn't working that extra job so he could have a sports car and NFL sunday ticket.
Praise this judge for cutting through the "poor me" act and making an example of another worthless crybaby. Its only a matter of time before she does the same thing to the baby-daddy, and without her "free" $250/week, she won't look nearly as appealing.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 20, 2011 13:43:57 GMT -5
Thanks for the clarification cawiau. She sounds like yet another gem. I bet he wasn't working that extra job so he could have a sports car and NFL sunday ticket. Praise this judge for cutting through the "poor me" act and making an example of another worthless crybaby. Its only a matter of time before she does the same thing to the baby-daddy, and without her "free" $250/week, she won't look nearly as appealing. I agree taht there are useless pieces of garbage out there like that, but I don't understand how the heck they get baby daddy after baby daddy. Your new woman has 4 kids by 4 different guys, doesn't work, and is getting CS from all of them. You knock her up, she has the baby, and then leaves you for another guy and gets child support. And you're surprised?!
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2011 13:46:23 GMT -5
We all blame him anyway... Dating out of his league and paying the price now.
A) Working 2 jobs to support her taste but she blame him for her cheating for always working. B) Letting her walk all over him to please her only to be told she wanted a real manand he was too nice.
We all feel she was cheating way before it broke out and he even suspected. But he stayed for the kids, guess when it all over facebook he couldn't ignore it anymore.
Be careful who you friend on facebook, the might reveal a few things you wanted to stay secret!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 20, 2011 13:48:31 GMT -5
We all blame him anyway... Dating out of his league and paying the price now. A) Working 2 jobs to support her taste but she blame him for her cheating for always working. B) Letting her walk all over him to please her only to be told she wanted a real manand he was too nice. We all feel she was cheating way before it broke out and he even suspected. But he stayed for the kids, guess when it all over facebook he couldn't ignore it anymore. Be careful who you friend on facebook, the might reveal a few things you wanted to stay secret! He didnt' date out of his league, he got treated like a cash spewing doormat.
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