single parent

[Spellbound454]

Im a single mum, they see their dad once a fortnight. (I'm the primary caretaker and my ex has access)


Never complained because it not particularly helpful... but yes it can be overwhelming and difficult..... especially if you are short of money.
You get really good at making money stretch.

My kids had second hand bikes, holidays were camping and Christmas was saved up for by putting things aside for the best part of a year.

routinely sugar coated everything to protect them, and no-one would have known the struggles,

I started to apologise to my son recently, by saying, "I'm sorry we couldn't go on foreign holidays like you did with your dad did"
and he stopped me mid sentence and said, "don't you ever apologise for anything, we had a great childhood"

So yeah, I did OK ... but it isn't easy and I can empathise with those who find themselves in this situation.

As for money its a bit different to the US
We get tax breaks, child benefit and child support


Still not much when, like someone has already said,  you have got a house to run, bills to pay and children to raise.

[haapai]

May 30, 2024 18:23:52 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Is head of household still a deduction for a single parent?  I know nothing about taxes but I did get that as a single parent.

It's alive and well.  Technically, HOH is a filing status.

I (single and childless) once made the mistake of mentally calculating how much an identically-paid coworker with HOH status and an earned income credit netted per hour and compared it to my own net hourly pay.  

I spent the next week slapping myself and reminding myself that I did not have to raise children on what I netted.  If you don't have the strength of character to slap that bad karma out of you, I suggest never doing that math. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

May 31, 2024 12:39:04 GMT -5 haapai said:

May 30, 2024 18:23:52 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Is head of household still a deduction for a single parent?  I know nothing about taxes but I did get that as a single parent.

It's alive and well.  Technically, HOH is a filing status.

I (single and childless) once made the mistake of mentally calculating how much an identically-paid coworker with HOH status and an earned income credit netted per hour and compared it to my own net hourly pay.  

I spent the next week slapping myself and reminding myself that I did not have to raise children on what I netted.  If you don't have the strength of character to slap that bad karma out of you, I suggest never doing that math. 

Which is why I would have defaulted to cutting the mom some slack if she was upset about her taxes this year.

I always had full custody, but still swapped claiming every year.  However, with having full custody, I was still eligible for HOH and EIC and what not.  My ex got the exemption (when we still had them) and the Child Tax Credit on the years he claimed.  But, in a 50/50 situation she loses EVERYTHING on the years he claims. Her standard deduction drops, she has no eligibility for credits, she can't even utilize the dependent care FSA at work. If she wasn't expecting this the hit could have been horrible, and she still has to maintain the same household and has the same bills as before only without the help. If there is more than one kid it's easier because each can claim one and both get the tax benefits every year, but with just one it's every other year being lean.

[TheOtherMe]

DN3's now wife had the worst custody agreement I have ever heard of.  The poor kid was switching households every other day!  I can't imagine why an attorney or judge let that be set up.  What could possibly go wrong?

Supposedly they were going to have a "friendly" divorce.  In hindsight, he thought they would reconcile.  She never thought that.  When she moved in with DN3, he became insanely jealous and the young boy was caught in the middle.

Poor kid had Covid every time he was at his dad's but wouldn't show her the test.  That meant he kept him "until he tested negative".  Sometimes it was a week.  Once it was almost a month.

They went back to court.  Ex got sick.  On the day the court determined she got full custody, he died.  So a shallow victory.  She did not want her son to lose his dad.  She wanted the hell the ex had put her in to stop.  

I give her a lot of credit.  She genuinely liked his parents and they tried to talk sense into their son.  They want to remain in their grandson's life.  They, too, were against her remarriage.  Now they have said what's done is done.  They have set up a trust so the ex's 401(K) will go the the son for his education.  She is letting them have visitation and so far, they have not betrayed her.  He is the only grandchild and the grandfather recently died suddenly.  She is not taking the grandson away from his grandmother as long as she is kept in the loop.  

His family has a cabin in northern Wisconsin and she lets her son go with his uncles to the cabin every summer.  

Grandma is very aware that grandparents have no legal rights.

[Artemis Windsong]

May 31, 2024 12:39:04 GMT -5 haapai said:

May 30, 2024 18:23:52 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Is head of household still a deduction for a single parent?  I know nothing about taxes but I did get that as a single parent.

It's alive and well.  Technically, HOH is a filing status.

I (single and childless) once made the mistake of mentally calculating how much an identically-paid coworker with HOH status and an earned income credit netted per hour and compared it to my own net hourly pay.  

I spent the next week slapping myself and reminding myself that I did not have to raise children on what I netted.  If you don't have the strength of character to slap that bad karma out of you, I suggest never doing that math. 

I am years beyond HOH.  I wouldn't do the math.  I hope my DD and GrD were aware when they were HOH

[minnesotapaintlady]

May 29, 2024 5:04:57 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Just because your child may not be in your physical custody at the moment does not mean that you aren't worrying about them and still doing things needed to take care of them.

I thought of this thread tonight when my phone lit up with text messages from both my kids. Both camping, but 2000 miles apart.

I really wanted to reply, "Yeah, I'm not parenting right now...this will have to wait until Sunday". 

[TheOtherMe]

Mom worried about us until her final moments on earth.  I don't think the same was true of dad.

[andi9899]

Jun 1, 2024 9:48:01 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Mom worried about us until her final moments on earth.  I don't think the same was true of dad.

I was thinking about this the other day. I had almost been hit by a dumbass who didn't know how to drive. I had a random thought that I'm not afraid of dying, but more afraid to leave the girls alone. They're both in their mid twenties, so it's not like I'd be leaving minor children behind.

[wvugurl26]

My grandma definitely mothered me to her final conscious moments. She was fussing about whether I was sleeping and told the hospice nurse she was sorry I had to help take care of her.

My aunt is doing well in her cancer fight. I know that's part of it, she doesn't want to leave her girls. They are mid 20s but still finding their way in life.

[billisonboard]

I wonder what is the healthy balance in regards to self and others, including one's children as they age into adulthood. 

[busymom]

I don't believe any good mom ever gets to stop "mothering".  Those of you with adult children know full well that the kids will call with questions.  Or maybe you're good at financial stuff, while they're better at other things.  Any time the phone rings late at night, I assume (now that my own Mom is gone) that it must be DD.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mom was reassuring me when she was in the ER when she noticed I had slipped into the room.

I was talking to dad about and he said of course she did. She's my mom and it was instinct to try to make me feel less scared.