|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on May 29, 2024 7:32:37 GMT -5
I'd consider both of them technically single parents. Just because your child may not be in your physical custody at the moment does not mean that you aren't worrying about them and still doing things needed to take care of them. This is what irked me. The implication that one shut off being a parent 50% of the time. I'm a parent 100% of the time whether they are at their dad's, at school, at daycare...it doesn't matter. I'm also single. Hence, single parent. True 50/50 splits are rare anyhow, usually there is one parent that is shouldering more of the burden.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,571
|
Post by azucena on May 29, 2024 7:34:08 GMT -5
The phrase "judge not, lest you be judged comes to mind."
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,920
|
Post by taz157 on May 29, 2024 7:44:57 GMT -5
She won't be complaining next year. Hopefully she has enough withholding on her paychecks. If she doesn't, whose fault would it be? Us or Baby Daddy? Hers
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,568
|
Post by swamp on May 29, 2024 9:20:55 GMT -5
What exactly does that have to do with anything? My divorced parents were Republicans too. Must mean they divorce more? Also my dad only came to see me on Christmas Eve every year even though he only lived 2 hours away.
Being Republican means their thinking was different. I thought maybe that was why they didn't ask for help or complain. ![](https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/idunno.gif) I don't think they complained to their tax preparer.
|
|
Knee Deep in Water Chloe
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 21:04:44 GMT -5
Posts: 14,175
Mini-Profile Name Color: 1980e6
|
Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on May 29, 2024 9:29:34 GMT -5
Being Republican means their thinking was different. I thought maybe that was why they didn't ask for help or complain. ![](https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/idunno.gif) I don't think they complained to their tax preparer. My face looked more like this
![](https://i.gifer.com/7j4q.gif)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 7, 2024 19:02:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 29, 2024 10:08:50 GMT -5
Well, our WI tax refund was smaller this year. We made some more money and didn't get the tax breaks of DS being in school. So, I kinda get where she is coming from. For us, it was only $500. And still. That's $500. $500 I wish I had. And, if the mom is struggling, there's a good chance she is really struggling. Demand at food banks in my neck of the woods is at an all time high. We shouldn't get special tax breaks, and yet we do, because we had four kids and up until 2023, our gross was under 100K. 10% of our income goes untaxed due to the Bush tax cuts. If you start to do the math, it's a good chunk of untaxed income over our lifetime. I also don't get too excited that we get the breaks now. We're going to pay our fair share as retirees. Pension(s)+dividend+RMDs when the time comes=SS is very much taxable. I should be converting our traditional IRAs to Roths, but we can't afford to give up our refunds at this point. Maybe when my second kiddo is in college. I also do try to pay it forward, and help others by donating things like diapers/wipes, school supplies, personal toiletries, etc, and volunteering our time at places. We live in a time where folks have fear of missing out. If neighbor Bob gets something, we should get it too. My mom is like that. She didn't get all the Biden bucks checks she thought she was entitled to. She didn't need it. Her net income is pretty close to ours. I heard about it for a good long time. I'd be curious to see what was driving the need for extra back in taxes. Was it FOMO? Was it because she was eating oatmeal for three meals a day on her off weeks so that she could afford her half of kid activities? Or, does she just need something to bitch about?
You can usually tell when people are bitching to bitch because they literally have nothing else in their lives (no hobbies, no friends, minimal loved ones), or if it was a real concern. I think your only option is really to mutter some sympathetic statement and move along. Unless you are interested in engaging this person beyond getting taxes taken care of. She thought she should get extra back in taxes because she is a single mom. We do the baby daddy taxes too so it made me think she shares 50/50 custody. My cousin lost her husband to cancer when their children were 1 and 3. In my definition (and opinion), she was a single mom. She never remarried and did not live near family. There are a lot of single moms that don't complain. I wonder how many parents are "single". Google . . . .
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 7,339
|
Post by daisylu on May 29, 2024 10:15:02 GMT -5
I'm assuming you don't have kids. I don't have kids. My parents were divorced. One week I was my dad's responsibility and the next week I was my mom's responsibility. I never heard either one of them complaining about being a "single parent". Edited: That was before "single parent" became a thing. LOL If you got sick at school who did the school call? My kids' school(s) called me 100% of the time. Did they call your dad when you were with him? My kids are now 25 & 22 and more often now call DH, who is not their dad but the dad that was there, with mostly car related issues. Also I do not get the "responsibility" you speak of. My kids were ALWAYS my responsibility no matter where they were at any given time.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 7, 2024 19:02:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 29, 2024 10:18:02 GMT -5
I don't have kids. My parents were divorced. One week I was my dad's responsibility and the next week I was my mom's responsibility. I never heard either one of them complaining about being a "single parent". Edited: That was before "single parent" became a thing. LOL If you got sick at school who did the school call? My kids' school(s) called me 100% of the time. Did they call your dad when you were with him? My kids are now 25 & 22 and more often now call DH, who is not their dad but the dad that was there, with mostly car related issues. Also I do not get the "responsibility" you speak of. My kids were ALWAYS my responsibility no matter where they were at any given time. If I remember right, the school asked me who they should call. That was a long time ago. By responsibility I mean making sure I have a ride, ate supper, did homework, etc. I never said I was smart. Do you remember hearing the term "single parent" in the 80s? I do not.
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 7,339
|
Post by daisylu on May 29, 2024 10:33:01 GMT -5
Well, our WI tax refund was smaller this year. We made some more money and didn't get the tax breaks of DS being in school. So, I kinda get where she is coming from. For us, it was only $500. And still. That's $500. $500 I wish I had. And, if the mom is struggling, there's a good chance she is really struggling. Demand at food banks in my neck of the woods is at an all time high. We shouldn't get special tax breaks, and yet we do, because we had four kids and up until 2023, our gross was under 100K. 10% of our income goes untaxed due to the Bush tax cuts. If you start to do the math, it's a good chunk of untaxed income over our lifetime. I also don't get too excited that we get the breaks now. We're going to pay our fair share as retirees. Pension(s)+dividend+RMDs when the time comes=SS is very much taxable. I should be converting our traditional IRAs to Roths, but we can't afford to give up our refunds at this point. Maybe when my second kiddo is in college. I also do try to pay it forward, and help others by donating things like diapers/wipes, school supplies, personal toiletries, etc, and volunteering our time at places. We live in a time where folks have fear of missing out. If neighbor Bob gets something, we should get it too. My mom is like that. She didn't get all the Biden bucks checks she thought she was entitled to. She didn't need it. Her net income is pretty close to ours. I heard about it for a good long time. I'd be curious to see what was driving the need for extra back in taxes. Was it FOMO? Was it because she was eating oatmeal for three meals a day on her off weeks so that she could afford her half of kid activities? Or, does she just need something to bitch about?
You can usually tell when people are bitching to bitch because they literally have nothing else in their lives (no hobbies, no friends, minimal loved ones), or if it was a real concern. I think your only option is really to mutter some sympathetic statement and move along. Unless you are interested in engaging this person beyond getting taxes taken care of. She thought she should get extra back in taxes because she is a single mom. We do the baby daddy taxes too so it made me think she shares 50/50 custody. My cousin lost her husband to cancer when their children were 1 and 3. In my definition (and opinion), she was a single mom. She never remarried and did not live near family. There are a lot of single moms that don't complain. I wonder how many parents are "single". Google . . . . You are obviously too close to the "baby daddy". In case you can't tell I hate those terms. From the OP I thought you knew the custody arrangement but I guess not. IMO, she definitely needs a new tax preparer. Both of my children were born out of wedlock. Daughter's dad has never done anything for her and that is ok - we call him the sperm donor. Son's dad did the barest of minimum and that was only because I introduced myself to his mom when I PG, we had already broken up but I was having the baby and I value family so I gave her the option of being involved outside of him. He felt guilty, yet my son spent more time with his grandmother than him which I was more than OK with. I owned my own home and took care of my kids alone for over a decade before I married DH. I never complained but I did cry in the shower more times than I like to admit. And I am 100% not a Republican - who like to force women to have unintended babies and leave them to fend for themselves, their children, and their health at their own expense. Ima stop there because I choose to.
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 7,339
|
Post by daisylu on May 29, 2024 10:34:11 GMT -5
If you got sick at school who did the school call? My kids' school(s) called me 100% of the time. Did they call your dad when you were with him? My kids are now 25 & 22 and more often now call DH, who is not their dad but the dad that was there, with mostly car related issues. Also I do not get the "responsibility" you speak of. My kids were ALWAYS my responsibility no matter where they were at any given time. If I remember right, the school asked me who they should call. That was a long time ago. By responsibility I mean making sure I have a ride, ate supper, did homework, etc. I never said I was smart. Do you remember hearing the term "single parent" in the 80s? I do not. Mid to late 80's, but yes I do. ETA - Schools no longer call who the child says because of custody disputes.
|
|
azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,571
|
Post by azucena on May 29, 2024 10:34:37 GMT -5
Such a weird random argument to start with more nonsense thrown in for good measure. One could almost surmise an alias.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,696
Member is Online
|
Post by thyme4change on May 29, 2024 10:41:58 GMT -5
She still has to maintain a household that is appropriate for the child on a single salary. Just because the child is elsewhere half the time doesn’t reduce the rent. If she was kid free she could live in a one bedroom, rent a room, have a roommate, or any other money saving tactics that might not be so great for a child. If she were still married, maybe they would have two incomes, or one, but they wouldn’t need daycare/after school care, etc.
That said - I’m cool with the idea that there is only deduction for the child and it is shared between the parents.
|
|
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on May 29, 2024 10:42:13 GMT -5
There are a lot of single moms that don't complain. And there are a lot of single people with no kids that complain about other people all the time... All your posts come off as very bitter towards people in general.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 7, 2024 19:02:24 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 29, 2024 10:45:26 GMT -5
daisylu100% not a Republican - who like to force women to have unintended babies and leave them to fend for themselves, their children, and their health at their own expense. Ugh! I so agree with you on that!! That might be my biggest political issue.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,971
|
Post by giramomma on May 29, 2024 13:09:50 GMT -5
Well, our WI tax refund was smaller this year. We made some more money and didn't get the tax breaks of DS being in school. So, I kinda get where she is coming from. For us, it was only $500. And still. That's $500. $500 I wish I had. And, if the mom is struggling, there's a good chance she is really struggling. Demand at food banks in my neck of the woods is at an all time high. We shouldn't get special tax breaks, and yet we do, because we had four kids and up until 2023, our gross was under 100K. 10% of our income goes untaxed due to the Bush tax cuts. If you start to do the math, it's a good chunk of untaxed income over our lifetime. I also don't get too excited that we get the breaks now. We're going to pay our fair share as retirees. Pension(s)+dividend+RMDs when the time comes=SS is very much taxable. I should be converting our traditional IRAs to Roths, but we can't afford to give up our refunds at this point. Maybe when my second kiddo is in college. I also do try to pay it forward, and help others by donating things like diapers/wipes, school supplies, personal toiletries, etc, and volunteering our time at places. We live in a time where folks have fear of missing out. If neighbor Bob gets something, we should get it too. My mom is like that. She didn't get all the Biden bucks checks she thought she was entitled to. She didn't need it. Her net income is pretty close to ours. I heard about it for a good long time. I'd be curious to see what was driving the need for extra back in taxes. Was it FOMO? Was it because she was eating oatmeal for three meals a day on her off weeks so that she could afford her half of kid activities? Or, does she just need something to bitch about?
You can usually tell when people are bitching to bitch because they literally have nothing else in their lives (no hobbies, no friends, minimal loved ones), or if it was a real concern. I think your only option is really to mutter some sympathetic statement and move along. Unless you are interested in engaging this person beyond getting taxes taken care of. She thought she should get extra back in taxes because she is a single mom. We do the baby daddy taxes too so it made me think she shares 50/50 custody. My cousin lost her husband to cancer when their children were 1 and 3. In my definition (and opinion), she was a single mom. She never remarried and did not live near family. There are a lot of single moms that don't complain. I wonder how many parents are "single". Google . . . . I know you deleted. What's the IRS definition of single? Not married? So, it seems like the term "single mom" fits, if she is indeed not married. There are lots of things that didn't exist in the 80s that exist now. I don't know what bearing it has on anything. In fact, I much prefer now, to the 80s, in terms of the social changes.
|
|
|
Post by minnesotapaintlady on May 29, 2024 13:29:11 GMT -5
"Baby daddy" is a newer term too which OP has no problem tossing around to further put down the single mom.
|
|
haapai
Junior Associate
Character
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:40:06 GMT -5
Posts: 5,978
|
Post by haapai on May 29, 2024 13:34:48 GMT -5
I don't know what qualifies as being a single parent but I must tell you this story.
Two of the gals that I worked with were unmarried. One of them had raised three children on her own without help from the father. The other had one child, lived with her parents, and had joint custody.
One day when the gal who lived with her folks was attempting to call herself a single parent, the other gal pointed out that her child had four parents.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,812
|
Post by NastyWoman on May 29, 2024 14:03:46 GMT -5
I don't know what qualifies as being a single parent but I must tell you this story.
Two of the gals that I worked with were unmarried. One of them had raised three children on her own without help from the father. The other had one child, lived with her parents, and had joint custody.
One day when the gal who lived with her folks was attempting to call herself a single parent, the other gal pointed out that her child had four parents.
I think this gets us in to the definition of "single parent". It may be very different depending on what you are looking at: legal, financial, or support-wise. While I would definitely not have fit the single mom mold legally or financially, I felt like was a " single mom" for the last year we lived in Singapore. xH had to be in Bangkok for work. It was supposed to be for just a few months so we stayed behind in S'pore so the kids didn't have to switch schools but it turned into a full year. He flew maybe 2-3 weekends per month so all responsibility was on me. I had no job (no work visa = no job) but I was a full time student at the time. We all did fine but it was not always easy. I can't imagine having to do this always with a coup!e of little kids... Most people do the best they can, some don't but, either way, you can't expect (tax) laws to be rewritten especially for you or to have your divorce settlement adjusted by the IRS.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,696
Member is Online
|
Post by thyme4change on May 29, 2024 15:18:09 GMT -5
What really really bothers me is when SAHMs with husbands that work a lot of hours call themselves single moms. You can complain that your family doesn’t spend time together, or your husband doesn’t give you a break, or your kids don’t get enough Dad time - but you are NOT a single mom.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,812
|
Post by NastyWoman on May 29, 2024 16:18:23 GMT -5
What really really bothers me is when SAHMs with husbands that work a lot of hours call themselves single moms. You can complain that your family doesn’t spend time together, or your husband doesn’t give you a break, or your kids don’t get enough Dad time - but you are NOT a single mom. True, most of the time. Yet, I still maintain that I was a single mom for that one specific year. Yes, xH worked long hours. And he travelled a lot for work as well. However, those years did not count IMO as me being a single mom. That one year though even if I never worried about money... I am sure there are others* in a position where they are "single moms" despite having a partner. You just never know ETA: *CG comes to mind taking care of her special needs daughter while her hubby worked overseas. They worked hard and have done well cor themselves but during those long stints while he was gone she was essentially a single parent
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,173
|
Post by andi9899 on May 29, 2024 18:16:49 GMT -5
I'm currently mad that y'all didn't tag me when this shit show was going down so I could contribute. Off to do so anyway because I'm sure the OP will come back and lurk. They always revisit the scene of the crime.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,173
|
Post by andi9899 on May 29, 2024 18:20:50 GMT -5
Do you consider a person a "single parent" if they have their child 50% of the time? The other parent has 50% custody. A "single mom" tried using that excuse to get a break. "I am a single mom and this affects my child." I happen to know the child's father and his family. I know that child does not go without anything. Edited: The child is with her dad every-other week. I have been noticing "single moms" looking for sympathy. To me a single mom is when the child's father died (or is a deadbeat) and she has them 100% of the time. I'm a single mom and have been for years. I had my kids 100% of the time. I never asked for sympathy. I did what I had to do. I'd be more interested in why someone with no children seems so invested in what others with child are doing.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,173
|
Post by andi9899 on May 29, 2024 18:23:11 GMT -5
I'm assuming you don't have kids. I don't have kids. My parents were divorced. One week I was my dad's responsibility and the next week I was my mom's responsibility. I never heard either one of them complaining about being a "single parent". Edited: That was before "single parent" became a thing. LOL So you're likely a boomer which explains a lot. Not that all boomers share this kind of mindset, but a lot of them do. Having survived boomer parents, I can tell you that they think way differently than Gen X and younger. Especially when it comes to parenting.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,173
|
Post by andi9899 on May 29, 2024 18:27:57 GMT -5
I would never complain to my kids about being a single parent either. But that doesn't change that it's hard not having help. It's way easier to have kids with a dependable partner for all 14 days than have it 100% on you for 7 then nothing for 7. Depending on the age/number of kids you can lose your sanity by day two or three without someone to take them when you need to go to the bathroom or get the mail or when you're lying in bed with a migraine or the flu. I think my parents didn't complain because they shared responsibilities and expenses. There were three kids, ages 6 to 13 when they first divorced. They were pretty flexible with time. FWIW - They were Republicans. I'm an extremely liberal single mom. I never received help of any kind. No welfare, no food stamps. So what does political party have to do with anything. I know multiple Republicans currently living off the government.
|
|
andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,173
|
Post by andi9899 on May 29, 2024 18:31:30 GMT -5
I'd consider both of them technically single parents. Just because your child may not be in your physical custody at the moment does not mean that you aren't worrying about them and still doing things needed to take care of them. This is what irked me. The implication that one shut off being a parent 50% of the time. I'm a parent 100% of the time whether they are at their dad's, at school, at daycare...it doesn't matter. I'm also single. Hence, single parent. True 50/50 splits are rare anyhow, usually there is one parent that is shouldering more of the burden.
This. Usually it's the mom.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,971
|
Post by giramomma on May 29, 2024 19:18:24 GMT -5
This is what irked me. The implication that one shut off being a parent 50% of the time. I'm a parent 100% of the time whether they are at their dad's, at school, at daycare...it doesn't matter. I'm also single. Hence, single parent. True 50/50 splits are rare anyhow, usually there is one parent that is shouldering more of the burden.
This. Usually it's the mom. I know. It's so ingrained. Drives me batty. We've been at the kids' school for 15 years. 15 years. For 15 years they have known that DH is the primary caregiver of our kids. We have noted that in contact information. We list him first. The peanut has been dealing with headaches. She had one while DH was working the lunch shift at school. The school nurse could have just went and found DH to talk to him. Since he was on the premises. I got called instead.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,915
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on May 30, 2024 10:28:30 GMT -5
I know I grew up in ancient times, but the school always called mom if we were sick. For a few years dad worked 3-11 and the school was aware. They called mom and she would call him to get us.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,875
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 30, 2024 10:36:53 GMT -5
They always called my dad. My mom was in a job where she was not allowed to leave to come get me, period. My dad's work was only a few blocks away from the house/school. So they just didn't put my mom down as secondary contact. Only my dad was on the sheet. When I was in school you could not pick who came to get you and this was the late 1900s. Only those approved to be contacted. Guess I am an irresponsible liberal because the school would have flat out refused to call whoever I picked. I had to be dependent on who my parents' listed. I had to have my dad pick up Gwen from school a couple times and I had to call them to tell them he had my permission. I believe they called DH to make sure he was okay with it as well. My dad had to show his driver's license to prove his identity and only then was Gwen allowed to leave with him. Considering how many children have been kidnapped or worse by non-custodial parents/other family I consider it a good thing the school goes the extra mile to verify who is allowed to take my kid.
|
|
movingforward
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 15, 2011 12:48:31 GMT -5
Posts: 8,382
|
Post by movingforward on May 30, 2024 11:34:24 GMT -5
About 8yrs ago I flew out and stayed with my niece for 10 days while my brother and his wife went to Hawaii. At that time my niece was 13. I was so drained by the time it was over. All I kept thinking was "how the hell do single parents do this ALL the time." She had school, gymnastics, dinner, homework. Felt like an uber driver half the time. Dropped her to and from school, then took her to gymnastics after school. I did remote work while she was at school. Then weekend consisted of gymnastics competition, friends over afterwards for pizza/movies, Sunday helped with a project for school. Holy shit I was never so happy to get on a plane and go home in my whole life!
|
|
Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:32:12 GMT -5
Posts: 12,395
Today's Mood: Twinkling
Location: Wishing Star
Favorite Drink: Fresh, clean cold bottled water.
|
Post by Artemis Windsong on May 30, 2024 18:23:52 GMT -5
Is head of household still a deduction for a single parent? I know nothing about taxes but I did get that as a single parent. I also was at home and available for my kids when they were with their Dad. My daughter spent many weekends crying at the picture window waiting for Dad when he decided something else was more important. To his credit he day pay his support. He did miss a couple of times but caught it up. IDK how that was tracked at the time.
Any way it happens, being a single parent is difficult. Shared custody is continual negotiation.
|
|