AITA

[Pink Cashmere]

I’ve seen this on FB, where people share a situation and how they handled it, and ask Am I The Asshole. I thought it might be something we could do here.

I will start. I didn’t actually do what I was tempted to do, but would I have been the asshole if I did do it.

I was out of town for 5 days last week and when I got home, one of Mister’s socks was on the floor in the laundry room, along with some other trash like lint from the dryer and stuff that fell out of the trash can because it was overflowing. My inclination was to sweep it all up and throw it all away, including the sock. I waited a few days, and he never picked the sock up. Yesterday, I finally put the sock in his wannabe man cave and swept all the trash up.

The door to the garage is in the laundry room and that is the door we always use to enter and exit our home, so it’s not like the sock was somewhere in a room that is not used several times a day. In my mind, he must not have wanted the sock, meaning it was garbage, since he left it on the floor despite walking past it a few times every day. When I was raising my children, my rule was that if you left your personal stuff laying around in the common areas of the house for days, that must mean you don’t want it, so I’ll throw it away for you. That has caused arguments here though, even though I’ve made my stance clear on the subject.

Would I have been the asshole if I’d swept the sock up with all the other trash and threw it away?

Please share your own AITA stories. I find them interesting when I read them on FB. It can be about anything. On FB, sometimes the person is an asshole and sometimes they aren’t.

[Tennesseer]

Something similar with me.

A family with five or six kids recently moved into a rental home in my cove.  My cove has not had kids living in it for at least ten-fifteen years. The family is here during the school week but not on weekends.  My guess is their permanent home is somewhere else with a less than desirable school system.  

They set up a basketball hoop and stand in the street in front of their house which occasionally blocks traffic.  Last week the kids left one of their basketballs in the street and a second basketball on someone else's lawn.  The family drove by the balls for about five days not bothering to retrieve them.

I thought about collecting the balls and bringing them inside.  I would then leave a note for them in their mailbox telling them I assumed they abandoned them.  But if that was not the case, they could have them back for $10 each.

The family is messy, throw their trash in the street and leave their belongings outside for anyone to steal.

I decided to just leave the balls where they lay and see how long they would remain there to see how long it took to pick up their things.  On day six they finally picked them up.

On a side note, trash pickup on my street is Wednesdays or Thursdays depending on the service providers. A little bit of trash usually does not make it into the trash vehicle and ends up laying in the street. I usually end up picking it up because it make the cove homes look trashy.

[daisylu]

The AITAH is from Reddit, not FB. I would have trashed everything. He is gaslighting you. 

And I'm the asshole right now. Because I'm not putting up with BS no more. Ima do me.

[NastyWoman]

May 7, 2024 21:21:46 GMT -5 daisylu said:

The AITAH is from Reddit, not FB. I would have trashed everything. He is gaslighting you. 

And I'm the asshole right now. Because I'm not putting up with BS no more. Ima do me.

True but that site has a FB presence which I too see regularly.  The examples that make it to FB are wild enough to be quite entertaining

[azucena]

Pink - I vote not the asshole. I posted about my own laundry experiment in the doing thread while you were on your work trip. Might make you chuckle.

Tenn - you chose not to be an A. Good job! I hate when my kids leave their crap outside but sometimes I really don't notice for a few days bc I'm managing so much inside the house. Litter would make me nuts though.

Those fb posts have been catching my attn too.

[Opti]

Pink, I think tossing the sock in the man cave was the right move. I understand wanting to throw out the sock, but if your rule is not something Mister agreed to in the past, it seems unfair to use it on him even though it is tempting.

Reddit is the only place I've read AITA.

[mollyanna58]

If you threw out the sock, he might take forever to notice, and then just assume it went missing the same way so many other socks do. He would probably never realize you threw it out.

[NancysSummerSip]

May 8, 2024 6:30:37 GMT -5 Opti said:

Pink, I think tossing the sock in the man cave was the right move. I understand wanting to throw out the sock, but if your rule is not something Mister agreed to in the past, it seems unfair to use it on him even though it is tempting.

Agreed, though because I Am the A******  I would have dipped it in cat pee first, then tossed into the man cave. Under a couch or chair to ferment for a few days. Because I am a petty A***** like that.

[billisonboard]

May 8, 2024 11:07:59 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

May 8, 2024 6:30:37 GMT -5 Opti said:

Pink, I think tossing the sock in the man cave was the right move. I understand wanting to throw out the sock, but if your rule is not something Mister agreed to in the past, it seems unfair to use it on him even though it is tempting.

Agreed, though because I Am the A******  I would have dipped it in cat pee first, then tossed into the man cave. Under a couch or chair to ferment for a few days. Because I am a petty A***** like that.

My wife's nose would force her to deal with it again long before I noticed the smell if she tried doing that move.

[minnesotapaintlady]

May 8, 2024 11:01:55 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

If you threw out the sock, he might take forever to notice, and then just assume it went missing the same way so many other socks do. He would probably never realize you threw it out.

I would never notice a missing sock.

[ArchietheDragon]

[giramomma]

May 8, 2024 13:30:25 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

May 8, 2024 11:01:55 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

If you threw out the sock, he might take forever to notice, and then just assume it went missing the same way so many other socks do. He would probably never realize you threw it out.

I would never notice a missing sock.

I'd just assume one of my kids took it because they needed one. 

At least the peanut asks me if she can borrow my socks. Sometimes.

And then there's DH who mixes up socks between DD1 and DD2 and me about 20% of the time.

No one really gets excited over missing stuff. However, in our case we know that likely it wasn't thrown out. Which means it will resurface eventually. Bonus: You get excited when that thing resurfaces.

(there was only one case of something that went missing that was actually thrown out that was important...but I dug through the garbage to find it, and didn't even say much to DH, who threw it out and did not notice what he was actually throwing out. it happened to be a very small diamond passed down for a couple of generations on my side of the family).

[minnesotapaintlady]

May 8, 2024 14:16:08 GMT -5 giramomma said:

May 8, 2024 13:30:25 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I would never notice a missing sock.

I'd just assume one of my kids took it because they needed one. 

At least the peanut asks me if she can borrow my socks. Sometimes.

And then there's DH who mixes up socks between DD1 and DD2 and me about 20% of the time.

No one really gets excited over missing stuff. However, in our case we know that likely it wasn't thrown out. Which means it will resurface eventually. Bonus: You get excited when that thing resurfaces.

(there was only one case of something that went missing that was actually thrown out that was important...but I dug through the garbage to find it, and didn't even say much to DH, who threw it out and did not notice what he was actually throwing out. it happened to be a very small diamond passed down for a couple of generations on my side of the family).

Except for about 6 pairs of "super size" socks that Carrot has, we share the same ones.  I buy bulk from Sam's in white cotton crew socks and hiking socks and they land in whatever drawer that is running low. I used to keep a "lost sock" tote that oddballs ended up in, but I'm much more ruthless now and throw out any that are getting worn or don't have a partner after doing all the laundry. If it's a good hiking sock it might buy itself a week sitting on top of the dryer before going in the garbage.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

May 8, 2024 13:30:25 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

May 8, 2024 11:01:55 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

If you threw out the sock, he might take forever to notice, and then just assume it went missing the same way so many other socks do. He would probably never realize you threw it out.

I would never notice a missing sock.

There is some sort of black hole/vortex that eats socks and spoons.  I have no freaking idea where any of them go. 

We had an entire collection of spoons from my grandma's house now we are down to four spoons total.

I wear really weird patten socks I have no clue where the F they disappear too it's not like you'd miss them lying on the floor it has dancing avocados on it and it's bright green!

[Pink Cashmere]

If I’d thrown the sock away, the point wasn’t whether Mister would notice it or not. The point would’ve been that if you leave something laying on the floor of a common room of the house for days and walk past it several times during those days, you must not want it, and in my mind, that means it’s garbage.

I am pretty sure that when it disappeared from the floor, he assumed I’d put it somewhere with some of his other clothes. That is the problem.

I really don’t want this thread to be about me and my issues with Mister though. I bore you all enough talking about that elsewhere. I’ve been wanting to start an AITA thread for a while, and the sock thing was just what popped into my mind to share as an example when I decided to finally start the thread.

[mollyanna58]

May 8, 2024 15:54:10 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I really don’t want this thread to be about me and my issues with Mister though. I bore you all enough talking about that elsewhere. I’ve been wanting to start an AITA thread for a while, and the sock thing was just what popped into my mind to share as an example when I decided to finally start the thread.

I'm sure if you ever were an AH to someone, they would totally deserve it.

I am wishing I could be an AH to someone I volunteer with but probably don't have the nerve. Not sure if nerve is the correct word; I am normally shy, reserved, and polite.

[toomuchreality]

And here I was, hoping to read some stories about AHs! 😉

[NoNamePerson]

May 8, 2024 20:57:59 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

May 8, 2024 15:54:10 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I really don’t want this thread to be about me and my issues with Mister though. I bore you all enough talking about that elsewhere. I’ve been wanting to start an AITA thread for a while, and the sock thing was just what popped into my mind to share as an example when I decided to finally start the thread.

I'm sure if you ever were an AH to someone, they would totally deserve it.

I am wishing I could be an AH to someone I volunteer with but probably don't have the nerve. Not sure if nerve is the correct word; I am normally shy, reserved, and polite.

I do substitute AH stand ins. Price depending on offense. Some I will do pro bono! I can furnish reference if needed but I can be a first class AH. 

[mollyanna58]

May 9, 2024 8:19:26 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

May 8, 2024 20:57:59 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

I'm sure if you ever were an AH to someone, they would totally deserve it.

I am wishing I could be an AH to someone I volunteer with but probably don't have the nerve. Not sure if nerve is the correct word; I am normally shy, reserved, and polite.

I do substitute AH stand ins. Price depending on offense. Some I will do pro bono! I can furnish reference if needed but I can be a first class AH. 

Thanks! I will keep your offer in mind 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

It depends on the situation for me.  I try to walk a line that I call "professionally bitchy".   I am an asshole because you deserve but not so much of an asshole I can be called onto the carpet for my behavior.

And then there are times when I've made graduate students cry and tremble in fear.   The guy helped himself to over a grand's worth of supplies, walked off with them and didn't tell anyone. 

I told him get his ass back here WITH our stuff and I went off on him.  I said this is not yours, it is ours.   My investigator paid for it, not you, not your lab.  I said if you wish to BORROW some you ask me or the other lab manager.  If we have enough we'll be happy to lend you SOME of it.  You are not to take our supplies as your own and walk out of our lab with them.  Period.

According to my coworkers I was shaking the box in his face the entire time.

After that he refused to ever come into our lab which was fine with me.  I earned the title "Lab Bitch" from my coworkers.

Our grants paid for those supplies, not his investigator.  Grant money is finite and we couldn't just order more because he decided to abscond with it.  I was 100% backed by my boss on this because she was also tired of our stuff going missing.

[jerseygirl]

Good for you Drama! I had something similar when I worked in a medical school lab. We moved down to surgery floor and surgeon tried to take over one of our rooms and equipment. The fight ended with me telling him I’d kick his shins. He left and never returned

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I scared another one who kept hogging our thermocycler.  I asked him what was he doing up here don't you have your own downstairs.  He said yes but it didn't have his program.

I pulled up the program and told him "Oh, well that's funny let's see here. .I pulled up your method.  Copy it and program your own machine.  Stop using mine".

I also refused to let someone use one of our machines because they let the reagent pack run dry.  That pack cost $925 each.  We told them, with the backing of our department head, that since this is a departmental machine you need to pay for what you use.  No pay, no use.

They started sneaking in and using it when me and the other lab manager weren't around.  God I hated those people. 

[daisylu]

I will play along. TMI will be hidden in spoiler.

AITA for hoping that DH has to have a blockage manually manipulated?

SPOILER: Click to show

DH was diagnosed with diverticulosis several years ago. Last week he started experiencing severe constipation that no amount of fiber or coffee helped. He then developed a fever. Went to Urgent Care Friday to ensure that he had not developed an intestinal infection. White blood cell count was low, so doc said likely a virus. Prescribed a nausea med and gave him a list of 3 laxatives. He did not realize until he got home that 1 was a suppository - which he promptly trashed. He took the other 2 and continued to devour all the fiber. Still no movement as of yesterday.

To be clear, I do not take joy in his discomfort but I do think he is being an dumbass and therefore deserves what he gets.

[finnime]

daisylu, NTA as long as you've given him your input: take the damn meds! Why go to an urgent care center if you're not going to do as they recommend?

[bean29]

May 8, 2024 15:09:59 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

May 8, 2024 13:30:25 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I would never notice a missing sock.

There is some sort of black hole/vortex that eats socks and spoons.  I have no freaking idea where any of them go. 

We had an entire collection of spoons from my grandma's house now we are down to four spoons total.

I wear really weird patten socks I have no clue where the F they disappear too it's not like you'd miss them lying on the floor it has dancing avocados on it and it's bright green!

My DD told me that she took a suitcase when she moved out, it is hers, but DH had used it.  She said there was a pair of Dad's underwear and a sock in it, but she forgot to bring it home.  I first said throw it in an envelope and mail it back, then I thought about it, and decided in all likeyhood he would open the mail and be embarrassed.  I told her on second thought, just throw it away.  But I do agree about the socks. I have so many issues with missing socks.  I often try to buy multi packs of the same socks so that I have a better chance of finding a matching pair.  I have several bags of unmatched socks in my bedroom - it is on my perpetually unfinished to-do list to just go ahead and throw them in the garbage.

[Spellbound454]

We have white sports socks and black socks and that's it. Just can't be bothered to waste my time and energy on pairing up odd socks. 

and yes I would have thrown the sock out and never mentioned it again.

[happyhoix]

May 9, 2024 10:19:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

It depends on the situation for me.  I try to walk a line that I call "professionally bitchy".   I am an asshole because you deserve but not so much of an asshole I can be called onto the carpet for my behavior.

And then there are times when I've made graduate students cry and tremble in fear.   The guy helped himself to over a grand's worth of supplies, walked off with them and didn't tell anyone. 

I told him get his ass back here WITH our stuff and I went off on him.  I said this is not yours, it is ours.   My investigator paid for it, not you, not your lab.  I said if you wish to BORROW some you ask me or the other lab manager.  If we have enough we'll be happy to lend you SOME of it.  You are not to take our supplies as your own and walk out of our lab with them.  Period.

According to my coworkers I was shaking the box in his face the entire time.

After that he refused to ever come into our lab which was fine with me.  I earned the title "Lab Bitch" from my coworkers.

Our grants paid for those supplies, not his investigator.  Grant money is finite and we couldn't just order more because he decided to abscond with it.  I was 100% backed by my boss on this because she was also tired of our stuff going missing.

I’m a safety person. About eight contractors showed up to sand/stain and reseal a big hardwood floor. I walk by while they are using drum sanders (LOUD) and seven of them have no hearing protection. One is actually wearing earbuds turned up really loud so he could hear his music over the noise.

If I have to SHOUT at you to make myself heard over the racket it is TOO LOUD. Put in your fucking PPE.

Next time the contractor showed up for a different job the crew leader told me all his guys were scared of me.

I wanted to tell him only the stupid ones needed to be scared. Sometimes you have to embrace the inner bitch.

[toomuchreality]

It makes me laugh, when people are afraid of me. Because I am SO not scary and have hard time projecting my voice.

But on the other hand, you better be doing your job and don't make me tell you what you should be doing.

If I feel the need to get involved, you better pay attention.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

May 15, 2024 9:11:46 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

It makes me laugh, when people are afraid of me. Because I am SO not scary and have hard time projecting my voice.

But on the other hand, you better be doing your job and don't make me tell you what you should be doing.

If I feel the need to get involved, you better pay attention.

I'm a 5'0'' 110 lb soaking wet female.  I am the LAST person you would think anyone would be scared of but according to my coworkers I can be one mean scary bitch when I need to be.  They said it's actually more intimidating because it appears to come out of no where you don't expect a teeny tiny woman like me to have that kind of language. 

[toomuchreality]

May 15, 2024 9:55:17 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

May 15, 2024 9:11:46 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

It makes me laugh, when people are afraid of me. Because I am SO not scary and have hard time projecting my voice.

But on the other hand, you better be doing your job and don't make me tell you what you should be doing.

If I feel the need to get involved, you better pay attention.

I'm a 5'0'' 110 lb soaking wet female.  I am the LAST person you would think anyone would be scared of but according to my coworkers I can be one mean scary bitch when I need to be.  They said it's actually more intimidating because it appears to come out of no where you don't expect a teeny tiny woman like me to have that kind of language. 

I got upset with my nephew once. He told me, he'd rather I yelled at him. 😁