AITA

[daisylu]

Me again.

AITA for pointing out that FIL's offer to haul our trash was just BS lip service?

We do not have trash pickup and have to haul our trash to a "convenience center", which is just a huge compactor about 10 miles from the house - they do also have bins for cardboard and paper. We generally make a run once a week, mostly due to deliveries, and usually have about 4 13 gallon bags of trash and some cardboard. If you do not know, DH had foot surgery last week and can not put any weight on that foot for 3 weeks. He is not going to be hauling the trash anytime soon. 

FIL was over yesterday talking to DH while I was working and 1. asked how much trash we had & 2. said to let him know if DH wants him to haul it. My response to DH last night was 1. how would DH how much trash is in the cans that are kept outside because he can't even get to them let alone haul the bags out & 2. why ask? Why not just stop by and grab what is outside when he drives by -  he drives right past our driveway on his way to haul trash and has no issue with showing whenever he wants any other time. And we all know DH well enough that there is no way in hell that he would ask for help outside of me - and he hates even doing that.

DH says I take things too personal and sometimes I do. I did not speak to FIL about my thoughts, only DH. And FTR I was already planning to take the trash late afternoon today as I need to get some necessities from the grocery store.

[billisonboard]

May 30, 2024 8:19:03 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Me again.

AITA for pointing out that FIL's offer to haul our trash was just BS lip service?

We do not have trash pickup and have to haul our trash to a "convenience center", which is just a huge compactor about 10 miles from the house - they do also have bins for cardboard and paper. We generally make a run once a week, mostly due to deliveries, and usually have about 4 13 gallon bags of trash and some cardboard. If you do not know, DH had foot surgery last week and can not put any weight on that foot for 3 weeks. He is not going to be hauling the trash anytime soon. 

FIL was over yesterday talking to DH while I was working and 1. asked how much trash we had & 2. said to let him know if DH wants him to haul it. My response to DH last night was 1. how would DH how much trash is in the cans that are kept outside because he can't even get to them let alone haul the bags out & 2. why ask? Why not just stop by and grab what is outside when he drives by -  he drives right past our driveway on his way to haul trash and has no issue with showing whenever he wants any other time. And we all know DH well enough that there is no way in hell that he would ask for help outside of me - and he hates even doing that.

DH says I take things too personal and sometimes I do. I did not speak to FIL about my thoughts, only DH. And FTR I was already planning to take the trash late afternoon today as I need to get some necessities from the grocery store.

It would upset me if I developed a schedule of errands, went to grab the trash to haul it and found it empty.

[Artemis Windsong]

Everyone was laughing and whooping it up when my grandson-in-law came in from riding lawn mowing the grass in early spring.  His hit/face/clothes were coated with dust.  I came unglued and said it's not funny.  What is on his face is in his lungs and this is not funny.  I was accused of ruining their fun.  I told them I didn't care if I ruined their fun because his health was more important.

Now when he goes out to help mow, I ask him if he's wearing a dust mask.  He says yes but I would never know for sure

[Pink Cashmere]

May 30, 2024 8:19:03 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Me again.

AITA for pointing out that FIL's offer to haul our trash was just BS lip service?

We do not have trash pickup and have to haul our trash to a "convenience center", which is just a huge compactor about 10 miles from the house - they do also have bins for cardboard and paper. We generally make a run once a week, mostly due to deliveries, and usually have about 4 13 gallon bags of trash and some cardboard. If you do not know, DH had foot surgery last week and can not put any weight on that foot for 3 weeks. He is not going to be hauling the trash anytime soon. 

FIL was over yesterday talking to DH while I was working and 1. asked how much trash we had & 2. said to let him know if DH wants him to haul it. My response to DH last night was 1. how would DH how much trash is in the cans that are kept outside because he can't even get to them let alone haul the bags out & 2. why ask? Why not just stop by and grab what is outside when he drives by -  he drives right past our driveway on his way to haul trash and has no issue with showing whenever he wants any other time. And we all know DH well enough that there is no way in hell that he would ask for help outside of me - and he hates even doing that.

DH says I take things too personal and sometimes I do. I did not speak to FIL about my thoughts, only DH. And FTR I was already planning to take the trash late afternoon today as I need to get some necessities from the grocery store.

I agree that if FIL was really sincere about helping by hauling the trash, he’d just do it. Call and say I’m taking my trash tomorrow/today, I’ll stop and get yours. Or just do it. For me, it would be a pleasant surprise to go out to take the trash and find it gone, even if he didn’t call beforehand.

[daisylu]

May 30, 2024 8:19:03 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Me again.

AITA for pointing out that FIL's offer to haul our trash was just BS lip service?

We do not have trash pickup and have to haul our trash to a "convenience center", which is just a huge compactor about 10 miles from the house - they do also have bins for cardboard and paper. We generally make a run once a week, mostly due to deliveries, and usually have about 4 13 gallon bags of trash and some cardboard. If you do not know, DH had foot surgery last week and can not put any weight on that foot for 3 weeks. He is not going to be hauling the trash anytime soon. 

FIL was over yesterday talking to DH while I was working and 1. asked how much trash we had & 2. said to let him know if DH wants him to haul it. My response to DH last night was 1. how would DH how much trash is in the cans that are kept outside because he can't even get to them let alone haul the bags out & 2. why ask? Why not just stop by and grab what is outside when he drives by -  he drives right past our driveway on his way to haul trash and has no issue with showing whenever he wants any other time. And we all know DH well enough that there is no way in hell that he would ask for help outside of me - and he hates even doing that.

DH says I take things too personal and sometimes I do. I did not speak to FIL about my thoughts, only DH. And FTR I was already planning to take the trash late afternoon today as I need to get some necessities from the grocery store.

DH's recliner faces the driveway and he is always on high alert, so even if FIL showed up without calling we would know.

I will go with ESH (Everyone Sucks Here, for those who may not know).

MIL called yesterday to say that they would be taking our trash. I am guessing that she got the memo and made the decision. She and I are very much alike in regards to family, manners, and such. 

But that meant that I had to empty the trash cans in both bathrooms and the kitchen, plus tear down some boxes ASAP. That put me in a mood because I hate feeling rushed, especially when someone is doing me a "favor" - one that I did not ask for but appreciate none the less. DH obviously could not do any of it, again they call me all the time so why call him, which put me on the clock. Yes, I am currently WFH but that does not mean that I can stop what I am doing on a dime - especially for something as mundane as gathering trash. I would have let the trash inside wait until later but DH has a set routine for taking the trash and was insistent. Plus taking care of someone who just had surgery and can do very little for themselves while trying to work is very taxing. Takes me back to when the kids were small and I was on my own, running on fumes is tiring. 

So, yeah I may be the AH here. And that is OK. I have learned that I can not be a superstar 100% of the time. 

[toomuchreality]

Being a superstar 99% of the time, is enough. Just so you know. ♡•❤•♡

[NastyWoman]

Also, why couldn't your DH do anything? You should have dumped the boxes on one side of his recliner and he could have torn them up and put them on the other side so you would just have to pick them up. Unless there were very few boxes this would have saved you time.

And...that was a childhood memory popping up: I was put on bed rest for whatever (long since forgotten what it was) but my parents grew their own veggies and it was during bean harvesting time. Mom just lugged pails of beans to my bed. And I topped and broke them to prepare for blanching and freezing. I was kept busy for weeks (there were other veggies that needed shelling, peeling, etc).