Angel Trees

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Today on he4 way out to church, DS asked if I wanted a card off their Angel Tree.  I did this every year when I worked, so thought I’d start back up.  

I get a request for a gift card for $175 from Fred Meyer.  FM is a Kroger’s holding and it’s almost like a Super Walmart.  Not exactly the best toy selection, clothes selection but a pretty decent grocery store and a place to buy booze.  

I have no problem if it would go to pay for children’s toys, or clothes or food.  I do have a problem if the GC is getting spent on booze.  Thats not giving a child Christmas, that’s supporting a parent’s booze habit.  

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[ners]

The Walk of the Penguin Mich No suggestion, I just know since Covid hit all of the Angel Tree request at my church have been for gift cards.   I just give the organization who does the angel tree a cash donation for them to use as they see fit.

[giramomma]

Honestly, you can't control how they spend the gc.

Can you give the gift freely, no strings attached in your heart/mind?

If not, then I'd put it back and find a different way to donate if that's something you are called to do.

I know what most people are going to say here.

The peanut and I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center. The last time, our job was to watch kiddos while parents "shopped" and got diapers.

And yes, there were 1 year olds wearing air jordans while mom was asking for diapers.

Yes, the poor folks were picky about the clothing they picked out for their kids. They want cute clothing, just like the folks who bought and donated said clothing the poor folks were sifting through.

I can honestly say that it didn't bother me like it used to. I actually did notice I wasn't upset about the babies wearing expensive sneakers when I came home. And was like, huh. Something in me shifted.

[chiver78]

can you bring back the card? I'm with you on your reservations. I also used to pull tags off the trees when I was still doing holiday shopping on the regular. I'd seek out the older kids, or the young adults looking for a coat, for instance. there was a tree at Walmart when I went in this morning, and I had a similar feeling to what you posted here, so I didn't even look. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 3, 2023 18:41:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Honestly, you can't control how they spend the gc.

Can you give the gift freely, no strings attached in your heart/mind?

If not, then I'd put it back and find a different way to donate if that's something you are called to do.

I know what most people are going to say here.

The peanut and I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center. The last time, our job was to watch kiddos while parents "shopped" and got diapers.

And yes, there were 1 year olds wearing air jordans while mom was asking for diapers.

Yes, the poor folks were picky about the clothing they picked out for their kids. They want cute clothing, just like the folks who bought and donated said clothing the poor folks were sifting through.

I can honestly say that it didn't bother me like it used to. I actually did notice I wasn't upset about the babies wearing expensive sneakers when I came home. And was like, huh. Something in me shifted.

Not the point, though.  If the kid wanted a pair of Air Jordan’s, I don’t care.  

I realize when you choose to give, that you lose control.  I just want to make sure that this is the CHILD’S Christmas, not to pay for the parents to party.  

[Tennesseer]

Dec 3, 2023 18:48:58 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 3, 2023 18:41:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Honestly, you can't control how they spend the gc.

Can you give the gift freely, no strings attached in your heart/mind?

If not, then I'd put it back and find a different way to donate if that's something you are called to do.

I know what most people are going to say here.

The peanut and I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center. The last time, our job was to watch kiddos while parents "shopped" and got diapers.

And yes, there were 1 year olds wearing air jordans while mom was asking for diapers.

Yes, the poor folks were picky about the clothing they picked out for their kids. They want cute clothing, just like the folks who bought and donated said clothing the poor folks were sifting through.

I can honestly say that it didn't bother me like it used to. I actually did notice I wasn't upset about the babies wearing expensive sneakers when I came home. And was like, huh. Something in me shifted.

Not the point, though.  If the kid wanted a pair of Air Jordan’s, I don’t care.  

I realize when you choose to give, that you lose control.  I just want to make sure that this is the CHILD’S Christmas, not to pay for the parents to party.  

Instead of a gift card, can you nor order groceries for the family with that hefty $ amount? Food that is healthy for a family?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 3, 2023 18:59:37 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dec 3, 2023 18:48:58 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Not the point, though.  If the kid wanted a pair of Air Jordan’s, I don’t care.  

I realize when you choose to give, that you lose control.  I just want to make sure that this is the CHILD’S Christmas, not to pay for the parents to party.  

Instead of a gift card, can you nor order groceries for the family with that hefty $ amount? Food that is healthy for a family?

I could and would.  I’d even take them shopping and pay for this.  But I want to make sure that it’s not getting used for $175 in booze.

[daisylu]

Dec 3, 2023 18:41:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Honestly, you can't control how they spend the gc.

Can you give the gift freely, no strings attached in your heart/mind?

If not, then I'd put it back and find a different way to donate if that's something you are called to do.

I know what most people are going to say here.

The peanut and I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center. The last time, our job was to watch kiddos while parents "shopped" and got diapers.

And yes, there were 1 year olds wearing air jordans while mom was asking for diapers.

Yes, the poor folks were picky about the clothing they picked out for their kids. They want cute clothing, just like the folks who bought and donated said clothing the poor folks were sifting through.

I can honestly say that it didn't bother me like it used to. I actually did notice I wasn't upset about the babies wearing expensive sneakers when I came home. And was like, huh. Something in me shifted.

When my kids were young, and I was a single mom, they often wore name brand clothes and shoes (Nike, Adidas, etc) because they could be found cheaper on clearance in stores like Kohl's and Toyr R Us than the generic stuff from Walmart. 🤷‍♀️

[ners]

Pre Covid I used to volunteer when they passed out the gifts from the angel tree and families also received food. When I first started volunteering, I was told not to be judgmental.   The new Cadillac could be borrowed from a neighbor.  Clothes they wore could have been donated. 

[giramomma]

Dec 3, 2023 18:48:58 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 3, 2023 18:41:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Honestly, you can't control how they spend the gc.

Can you give the gift freely, no strings attached in your heart/mind?

If not, then I'd put it back and find a different way to donate if that's something you are called to do.

I know what most people are going to say here.

The peanut and I have been volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center. The last time, our job was to watch kiddos while parents "shopped" and got diapers.

And yes, there were 1 year olds wearing air jordans while mom was asking for diapers.

Yes, the poor folks were picky about the clothing they picked out for their kids. They want cute clothing, just like the folks who bought and donated said clothing the poor folks were sifting through.

I can honestly say that it didn't bother me like it used to. I actually did notice I wasn't upset about the babies wearing expensive sneakers when I came home. And was like, huh. Something in me shifted.

Not the point, though.  If the kid wanted a pair of Air Jordan’s, I don’t care.  

I realize when you choose to give, that you lose control.  I just want to make sure that this is the CHILD’S Christmas, not to pay for the parents to party.  

.Unless there's a way you find out who this family is and what they eat, there is no way to know how it is going to be used.

For the angel trees at church, they use numbers to identify families. Because all parties are supposed to remain anonymous.

I'd just return the tag or have your sister do it.

So what if the caregiver normally sacrifices and decides to get themselves their favorite adult drink as a treat. Would that be so awful? that's what I was getting at with the air jordan's. The shoes could be a special treat. Just because people are poor doesn't mean they don't deserve any fun/special.

[Tennesseer]

Dec 3, 2023 19:07:11 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 3, 2023 18:59:37 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Instead of a gift card, can you nor order groceries for the family with that hefty $ amount? Food that is healthy for a family?

I could and would.  I’d even take them shopping and pay for this.  But I want to make sure that it’s not getting used for $175 in booze.

Which was my point in buying food for 'them'. No booze.

[chiver78]

Dec 3, 2023 19:47:57 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Dec 3, 2023 18:48:58 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Not the point, though.  If the kid wanted a pair of Air Jordan’s, I don’t care.  

I realize when you choose to give, that you lose control.  I just want to make sure that this is the CHILD’S Christmas, not to pay for the parents to party.  

.Unless there's a way you find out who this family is and what they eat, there is no way to know how it is going to be used.

For the angel trees at church, they use numbers to identify families. Because all parties are supposed to remain anonymous.

I'd just return the tag or have your sister do it.

So what if the caregiver normally sacrifices and decides to get themselves their favorite adult drink as a treat. Would that be so awful? that's what I was getting at with the air jordan's. The shoes could be a special treat. Just because people are poor doesn't mean they don't deserve any fun/special.

there's also knowing the area you're in. Walmart in MA doesn't sell alcohol, and I think cigarettes are also out (I use self-checkout, so I don't see the register racks). if my Walmart sold alcohol, I'd look sideways at a giving tree tag that asked for a blanket GC. I don't frequent any houses of worship to know what their giving trees look like for tags, but there's also trees in the big box stores. so there's that. 

[bookkeeper]

Our community in South Dakota has a holiday food drive.  DH and I sponsor two holiday meals for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  The donation is received and the charity that administers the program purchases the food and delivers it to the families before the designated holiday.

We fill back to school backpacks for the same charity.  Seems like a good system.  People are getting what they need without any fraud.  Not many degrees of separation in this system.  We have done it since my Dad died.  When I got some memorials at my house after his death, I decided that the best tribute to a farmer is to feed someone with the money.  The holiday meals and back to school supplies have been a yearly commitment for us. 

[steph08]

If you aren't comfortable with what they're asking for, I would return the tag.

Is Fred Meyer the cheapest or one of the cheaper places to get groceries and necessities? (We don't have them here). Maybe that's why they asked for a gift card there - to get the most bang for their buck.

I don't know, but I'm either more naive or less cynical than some on here. I wouldn't have even thought of someone using a gift card for alcohol.

We are doing a 7yo girl for Angel Tree this year - it helps my girls who are 7 and 9 be just a tiny bit grateful for everything they have.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 3, 2023 23:14:05 GMT -5 steph08 said:

If you aren't comfortable with what they're asking for, I would return the tag.

Is Fred Meyer the cheapest or one of the cheaper places to get groceries and necessities? (We don't have them here). Maybe that's why they asked for a gift card there - to get the most bang for their buck.

I don't know, but I'm either more naive or less cynical than some on here. I wouldn't have even thought of someone using a gift card for alcohol.

We are doing a 7yo girl for Angel Tree this year - it helps my girls who are 7 and 9 be just a tiny bit grateful for everything they have.

No, FM is not the cheapest grocery store, or one of the cheaper stores.  There are 3 other stores that are generally less.  

[toomuchreality]

Clearly you're not comfy with this situation. Considering that, what are your options, that you are comfortable doing instead?

Can you talk honestly, with whoever is in charge of the giving tree and get their prospective?

So far, it doesn't seem like you're very enthusiastic about any of the suggestions given. Only you can decide how to handle this, in a way that will bring you the happiness you hope for.
And if you aren't going to know who got the GC, will you ever really be happy you donated it?

Good luck with your decision, whatever it is.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 4, 2023 1:12:13 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Clearly you're not comfy with this situation. Considering that, what are your options, that you are comfortable doing instead?

Can you talk honestly, with whoever is in charge of the giving tree and get their prospective?

So far, it doesn't seem like you're very enthusiastic about any of the suggestions given. Only you can decide how to handle this, in a way that will bring you the happiness you hope for.
And if you aren't going to know who got the GC, will you ever really be happy you donated it?

Good luck with your decision, whatever it is.

What suggestions?  Proceed on and assume it won’t be abused or return the gift tag?  These are the only 2 I have seen suggested.  

TBH, this isn’t about MY happiness, but making a child happy.  Exactly how is that going to happen if they are going to receive a fairly large gift that has the potential to be abused in the name of the Angel Tree?  
When I did this in the past, there was a screening process that helped eliminate this kind of abuse.  A friend of mine was involved with it, and she told me how it was done by them.  We also weren’t asked to supply gift cards that could be abused either.  

[toomuchreality]

Dec 4, 2023 12:09:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 4, 2023 1:12:13 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Clearly you're not comfy with this situation. Considering that, what are your options, that you are comfortable doing instead?

Can you talk honestly, with whoever is in charge of the giving tree and get their prospective?

So far, it doesn't seem like you're very enthusiastic about any of the suggestions given. Only you can decide how to handle this, in a way that will bring you the happiness you hope for.
And if you aren't going to know who got the GC, will you ever really be happy you donated it?

Good luck with your decision, whatever it is.

What suggestions?  Proceed on and assume it won’t be abused or return the gift tag?  These are the only 2 I have seen suggested.  

TBH, this isn’t about MY happiness, but making a child happy.  Exactly how is that going to happen if they are going to receive a fairly large gift that has the potential to be abused in the name of the Angel Tree?  
When I did this in the past, there was a screening process that helped eliminate this kind of abuse.  A friend of mine was involved with it, and she told me how it was done by them.  We also weren’t asked to supply gift cards that could be abused either.  

Are there no rules, or screening process involved in this tree? That seems crazy to me. Is this tree associated with a different church, or group, then ones you've helped with previously?
I thought @tennessee's idea was a good one.
I've never participated in one of these, so I don't really know how they work. Can you take the child shopping yourself? Or can it be arranged for someone else to go with them and, or the parent?

Perhaps the sponsor of the tree can ask for more specifics, regarding gifts?

I really hope you figure out something that works for you. It's kind of you to do it.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Right now, the game plan is to go to FM and ask if they have a GC that excludes alcohol and tobacco.  

I have no idea of the screening process used.  I know the church is sponsoring an elementary school.  

[steph08]

I'd be surprised if there are no rules or screening process. Is this done through your sister's church or another organization?

The one we picked is from The Salvation Army. It says 7yo girl, lists her clothing and shoe sizes and her top 3 wanted gifts (roller skates, LOL doll, Barbie doll). 

Does yours say anything about the recipient? Do you know if it is just an individual or a family? 

[Cookies Galore]

I think since you attached strings to the gift then you should just put the tag back on the tree. You're making a big assumption here. For all we know the family lives closest to a FM and it's the easiest store for them to get to.
Most grocery stores in my area now sell beer and wine, as does one of the two Targets I live close by. If a gift card to Giant, Wegmans, Target, hell even Whole Foods, was requested I'd have zero issues with purchasing and giving it to them.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 4, 2023 13:03:38 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I'd be surprised if there are no rules or screening process. Is this done through your sister's church or another organization?

The one we picked is from The Salvation Army. It says 7yo girl, lists her clothing and shoe sizes and her top 3 wanted gifts (roller skates, LOL doll, Barbie doll). 

Does yours say anything about the recipient? Do you know if it is just an individual or a family? 

This is the way I’m used to doing things.  It says absolutely nothing about the recipient.

[jerseygirl]

Dec 4, 2023 13:03:38 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I'd be surprised if there are no rules or screening process. Is this done through your sister's church or another organization?

The one we picked is from The Salvation Army. It says 7yo girl, lists her clothing and shoe sizes and her top 3 wanted gifts (roller skates, LOL doll, Barbie doll). 

Does yours say anything about the recipient? Do you know if it is just an individual or a family? 

All the gift trees we’ve participated with also give some info about child (usually children) and wants
Have also participated with charity that picks a family and gives wanted items. States types and sized for family members. I’ve worked at companies and we’ve given large donations, bikes for kids, appliances for parents home
Never saw just a request for a fairly large GC without additional info. I’d tell the charity, the charity might have no idea about this request. Charity usually reviews the requests also

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 4, 2023 13:38:28 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I think since you attached strings to the gift then you should just put the tag back on the tree. You're making a big assumption here. For all we know the family lives closest to a FM and it's the easiest store for them to get to.
Most grocery stores in my area now sell beer and wine, as does one of the two Targets I live close by. If a gift card to Giant, Wegmans, Target, hell even Whole Foods, was requested I'd have zero issues with purchasing and giving it to them.

Is it attaching strings to want your gift used for the person who is supposed to be the recipient?  

If so, then yes……I’m attaching strings.  Thats not a bad thing, that’s making sure a child receives gifts, not supplementing a parent’s partying.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 4, 2023 13:43:29 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Dec 4, 2023 13:03:38 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I'd be surprised if there are no rules or screening process. Is this done through your sister's church or another organization?

The one we picked is from The Salvation Army. It says 7yo girl, lists her clothing and shoe sizes and her top 3 wanted gifts (roller skates, LOL doll, Barbie doll). 

Does yours say anything about the recipient? Do you know if it is just an individual or a family? 

All the gift trees we’ve participated with also give some info about child (usually children) and wants
Have also participated with charity that picks a family and gives wanted items. States types and sized for family members. I’ve worked at companies and we’ve given large donations, bikes for kids, appliances for parents home
Never saw just a request for a fairly large GC without additional info. I’d tell the charity, the charity might have no idea about this request. Charity usually reviews the requests also

There was no info about the child, and this is presumably an elementary school aged child of indeterminate gender.  

[toomuchreality]

Dec 4, 2023 13:49:55 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 4, 2023 13:43:29 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

All the gift trees we’ve participated with also give some info about child (usually children) and wants
Have also participated with charity that picks a family and gives wanted items. States types and sized for family members. I’ve worked at companies and we’ve given large donations, bikes for kids, appliances for parents home
Never saw just a request for a fairly large GC without additional info. I’d tell the charity, the charity might have no idea about this request. Charity usually reviews the requests also

There was no info about the child, and this is presumably an elementary school aged child of indeterminate gender.  

I don't know how they expect people to buy gifts, with absolutely no information about the recipient. That's ridiculous.

Heck, I'll put my name on the tree and ask for a few thousand dollars, to go toward repairing my car and a few things.

Ho's and blow? 😳
Who wouldn't want/take cash?

[happyhoix]

Dec 4, 2023 12:09:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Dec 4, 2023 1:12:13 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Clearly you're not comfy with this situation. Considering that, what are your options, that you are comfortable doing instead?

Can you talk honestly, with whoever is in charge of the giving tree and get their prospective?

So far, it doesn't seem like you're very enthusiastic about any of the suggestions given. Only you can decide how to handle this, in a way that will bring you the happiness you hope for.
And if you aren't going to know who got the GC, will you ever really be happy you donated it?

Good luck with your decision, whatever it is.

What suggestions?  Proceed on and assume it won’t be abused or return the gift tag?  These are the only 2 I have seen suggested.  

TBH, this isn’t about MY happiness, but making a child happy.  Exactly how is that going to happen if they are going to receive a fairly large gift that has the potential to be abused in the name of the Angel Tree?  
When I did this in the past, there was a screening process that helped eliminate this kind of abuse.  A friend of mine was involved with it, and she told me how it was done by them.  We also weren’t asked to supply gift cards that could be abused either.  

Our angel tree doesn’t do gift cards. Just clothes and toys for kids.

Not to ruin things completely for you, but if you did buy food, a parent could swap that for drugs or booze, too. A hard up addict will pretty much negotiate anything of and value unfortunately.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 4, 2023 16:48:31 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Dec 4, 2023 12:09:50 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

What suggestions?  Proceed on and assume it won’t be abused or return the gift tag?  These are the only 2 I have seen suggested.  

TBH, this isn’t about MY happiness, but making a child happy.  Exactly how is that going to happen if they are going to receive a fairly large gift that has the potential to be abused in the name of the Angel Tree?  
When I did this in the past, there was a screening process that helped eliminate this kind of abuse.  A friend of mine was involved with it, and she told me how it was done by them.  We also weren’t asked to supply gift cards that could be abused either.  

Our angel tree doesn’t do gift cards. Just clothes and toys for kids.

Not to ruin things completely for you, but if you did buy food, a parent could swap that for drugs or booze, too. A hard up addict will pretty much negotiate anything of and value unfortunately.

I know this, my sister said that all of the tags she looked at were gift cards.  She said she found a Kohl’s card, Target, etc.  She also brought up a point as to what’s to stop a parent selling offa GC for cash.  Stand outside a door and offer up a $175 GC for $150 cash.  

That being said, I couldn’t get one that excluded booze or cigarettes, but bought it regardless and gave it to her.  It’s done.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I wonder if the Angel Tree people are using the gift cards?  They likely can get a deal from a place like Target for items and it also ensures all kids get the same types of gifts and that all the meals have the same ingredients.

That would explain why they are all gift cards.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 4, 2023 17:25:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I wonder if the Angel Tree people are using the gift cards?  They likely can get a deal from a place like Target for items and it also ensures all kids get the same types of gifts and that all the meals have the same ingredients.

That would explain why they are all gift cards.  

I hope so.  I have no problem