If you could design your holiday experience, what would it b

[Opti]

I am thinking about what I wish my holidays were and started thinking perhaps posters could share what they would want their Thanksgiving, Christmas, or whatever winter holidays to look like.

My Thanksgiving in NJ has been shot since my BF's death and the pandemic following it. Her sister died during the pandemic and her son no longer attends the north family gathering so I have nowhere to celebrate anymore. Nor anyone to celebrate with because I am poor etc. My church does not do a Friendsgiving and I haven't attended for six months due to having no car.

I'd like to have a TG dinner with people. Does not even have to be that many people. One of the first times I hosted Thanksgiving was when I was married at my first house. My sister flew out and a mutual friend of ours drove down from New England to join us.
The last Thanksgiving I hosted was my two parents at my last house before it was sold and with a church friend who was older than me but I think younger than my parents. He also attended the extended TG with our mutual deceased friend.


So I am sad because I have nowhere to go or no one to even hang with. Christmas is more of a family holiday so it bothers me less that I have been basically on my own for maybe 20 years except for attending church. I would like to share it with others. Make Christmas cookies and share them with friends and maybe even family. I wish I had funds to fly out to see dad or sis, but just paying rent and staying employed is hard enough.

[Tennesseer]

Opti - there is family we are born into and then there is family we create.

When I relocated to Memphis in 1994, I became fast friends with the assistant of the HR manager who brought me down here.  I had a new sister and she finally had a brother.  In time I spent  holiday and birthday meals with her and her family.

Though my friend died in 2017 due to cancer, her extended family continues to invite me for meals.  It was during my friend's ten years of battling cancer that it was me and my friend's husband and her sister who brought her to all her chemo sessions and other medical appointments.

And it was me who sat with my friend in the hospital for hours at a time to keep her company because she did not want to be alone and so that her sister and her husband did not have to take too much time off from work to be by her side.

I say all this not for a pat on the back.  I say it because to have a friend you have to be a friend too.  I sometimes got impatient when chemo was taking too long and my friend would chastise me for my impatience.  Just like a sibling would do.  Over and forgotten moments later.

When the first holiday dinner occurred after my friend died and her family was saying grace at the table, not once was my friend mentioned by her family.  At the next family holiday dinner, I mentioned to her sister and brother-in-law that it was okay to mention during grace my friend and their sister.  I told them she may not be physically here but she is in spirit and always will be.  Now her absence is noted during grace. I have been enjoying holiday dinners with this family now for almost thirty years.

Extend yourself in friendship if you can.  Create your own family when you cannot visit your blood family.

[Pink Cashmere]

I would like for Thanksgiving to be a day that my family and friends come over to enjoy dinner and time together. Especially now that Mister and I have moved together and the holidays haven’t been the same for me and my family since my Grandmother died. 

Unfortunately for me, I am often required to work on Thanksgiving Day, so that is not realistic. Before I started working the day shift, my days off work meant that I had Thanksgiving Day off, just because it was my regular day off work, so back then, I have spent Thanksgiving with my family out of state, visiting a close relative, and I have even hosted Thanksgiving at my own home for my immediate and extended family and their family and friends, even though my Mom did all the cooking. 

I would also like to host my and Mister’s family for Christmas dinner. Christmas dinner in my family, doesn’t necessarily mean a sit down dinner, where everybody eats at the same time. The tradition from the times I was a child, until I was a young adult, meant we ate Christmas “dinner” starting early in the morning and ate at a few houses until we got to whatever house we settled at for the day, which was still before noon lol. So to me, “Christmas dinner” means guests show up when they can, and are offered something good to eat. 

But again, there is the pesky issue of my job, that makes things complicated. During recent years, they have started requiring us to work the Christmas holiday, where in the past, that was the one holiday we could be sure we wouldn’t be required to work. 

All of that to say, I would love for Thanksgiving and Christmas to be days spent with our family and friends, and even their family and friends…. Just people gathering together, enjoying good company and having fun….. and having good food to eat while we do it.

[nidena]

When I first moved to my new state, I envisioned fun holidays with the extended family that I hadn't met until 10 years ago.  That was January 2020 that I moved here.  Then one of their favorite BILs/Uncles died in March 2020, devastating them.  Then the beloved Gramps died in July 2020.  These folx are still grieving and I've had to find other ways to enjoy my holidays because they pulled the family they knew tighter i.e. circled the wagons, so to speak.

It's not easy but I'm slowly finding my way.  One of my coworkers invited me over for Thanksgiving so I'll be going to that on Thursday and then we'll both be doing our best in the fun of working at the mall on Friday. 

As for Christmas, I'm going to my dad's for 10 days. I'm sure there will be some drama 'cause there always is but that's family.  lol.

[Opti]

Nov 20, 2023 21:48:53 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Opti - there is family we are born into and then there is family we create.

When I relocated to Memphis in 1994, I became fast friends with the assistant of the HR manager who brought me down here.  I had a new sister and she finally had a brother.  In time I spent  holiday and birthday meals with her and her family.

Though my friend died in 2017 due to cancer, her extended family continues to invite me for meals.  It was during my friend's ten years of battling cancer that it was me and my friend's husband and her sister who brought her to all her chemo sessions and other medical appointments.

And it was me who sat with my friend in the hospital for hours at a time to keep her company because she did not want to be alone and so that her sister and her husband did not have to take too much time off from work to be by her side.

I say all this not for a pat on the back.  I say it because to have a friend you have to be a friend too.  I sometimes got impatient when chemo was taking too long and my friend would chastise me for my impatience.  Just like a sibling would do.  Over and forgotten moments later.

When the first holiday dinner occurred after my friend died and her family was saying grace at the table, not once was my friend mentioned by her family.  At the next family holiday dinner, I mentioned to her sister and brother-in-law that it was okay to mention during grace my friend and their sister.  I told them she may not be physically here but she is in spirit and always will be.  Now her absence is noted during grace. I have been enjoying holiday dinners with this family now for almost thirty years.

Extend yourself in friendship if you can.  Create your own family when you cannot visit your blood family.

I have created multiple families but I get your drift. If I remember I will reach out to a church member who does cool things. I am too sick to go, but she has a concert tik for tomorrow night to see Judy Collins. I'd enjoy it, but I would not be able to afford the tik and she would have to shelp me to and from in her car.

Death of BMW has temporarily taken me away from choir as the logistics are too tight with my current work hours and the bus schedule. Will let me choir peeps know I am available to sing but need the ride to and back for practice or Sunday service. I sight read so I could sing the easy songs. We did something called Seal Lullaby last year? and it had complex harmonies. Not a piece to be sung on the fly.

[Opti]

Nov 20, 2023 22:12:07 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I would like for Thanksgiving to be a day that my family and friends come over to enjoy dinner and time together. Especially now that Mister and I have moved together and the holidays haven’t been the same for me and my family since my Grandmother died. 

Unfortunately for me, I am often required to work on Thanksgiving Day, so that is not realistic. Before I started working the day shift, my days off work meant that I had Thanksgiving Day off, just because it was my regular day off work, so back then, I have spent Thanksgiving with my family out of state, visiting a close relative, and I have even hosted Thanksgiving at my own home for my immediate and extended family and their family and friends, even though my Mom did all the cooking. 

I would also like to host my and Mister’s family for Christmas dinner. Christmas dinner in my family, doesn’t necessarily mean a sit down dinner, where everybody eats at the same time. The tradition from the times I was a child, until I was a young adult, meant we ate Christmas “dinner” starting early in the morning and ate at a few houses until we got to whatever house we settled at for the day, which was still before noon lol. So to me, “Christmas dinner” means guests show up when they can, and are offered something good to eat. 

But again, there is the pesky issue of my job, that makes things complicated. During recent years, they have started requiring us to work the Christmas holiday, where in the past, that was the one holiday we could be sure we wouldn’t be required to work. 

All of that to say, I would love for Thanksgiving and Christmas to be days spent with our family and friends, and even their family and friends…. Just people gathering together, enjoying good company and having fun….. and having good food to eat while we do it.

I hope you can do something TG ish for you and your family. I did not always get TG day off when at my former job, so I used to come late after I got off when I went up to my BF's sisters fam for TG. I should reach out to old church peeps that used to join me and see how they are doing. 

I used to work every Christmas at my facility job for the holiday pay and because it bothered me less than my coworkers to work it. I hope you can work in a day b4 or after or even your Monday evening off or something. One of my fave TG or Christmas memories growing up was the day I hung out with my friend's Italian family. Their holiday was all day long, which was something I was not used to, but it was kind of cool to eat lunch with her that day and later some dinner before I went home. Cheers to P wherever you are. 

Sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Mine have both been dead for so long its hard to remember when dad's mom came to TG or Christmas dinner. Last time would have been maybe when I was still in college? Love your gathering friends and family idea.
My place is such a mess right now, I don't even want to invite peeps over to sample Christmas cookies. (Which I would have to make)

[laterbloomer]

I do design it every year. And what I feel like doing can vary. Sometimes I host something, sometimes I go to a friend or family member's, sometimes I get involved with a community pot luck with a couple of hundred people. This year ISO and I had a small turkey just the two of us.
Sometimes I get into a funk thinking I have no friends. Not REAL friends like I imagine everyone else has. But that's just self pity. For some reason when I'm in that frame of mind ISO, the GW's and my 2 closest friends "don't count".
I hope you have a nice TG Opti, whatever form it takes.

[Opti]

Thanks Later. I do have some real friends here in NJ. I also have an increasing number leaving my life by death or choice. My emergency contact left the area for financial and health reasons, and she is not the only one. Just one of the many experiences that are part of my NJ life versus what it might have been had I lived in Indiana after XH graduated.

I did reach out to a friend who is a decade older than me, and it is not surprising in this season of transition and change, he's in a bad way.
He's  a NJ native and will do TG with his brother or perhaps his kids. IDK. But I did text my suggestions of help and made a request too.
(He's in danger of being evicted and is job searching along with taking care of his sicker younger brother. He has a working vehicle and cannot afford gas. I am going to make him an offer he may refuse. I pay at least $19 every two weeks just to get some groceries delivered to me. I am willing to give him that money instead if he can carve out a couple hours to take me to the local grocery store. I've been in spots like his, so I may or may not hear back from this year except for status reports. Also told him about my connection to Senior affordable housing in his town due to my current job.)
My current best friend lives in small town north Wisconsin. He lives on disability and makes pin money by playing gigs and gives back to his community by giving free music lessons. 

Had I been attending choir its possible a kind choir member would have pity on me and I'd have somwhere to go. I will put it out there for next year that I would be happy to organize a TG or friendsgiving dinner at church. I could volunteer my time and talent for Christmas carols this year, but not sure if the lead time is enough for this my small church.


Thanks again for your post Later. I am up early because I can't sleep and need to time my out sick text to my boss this morning. 

[jerseygirl]

Marvelous idea opti. To offer to organize a TG at your church. You’d be helping lots of people and also yourself!

[daisylu]

For TG, we started out at DH's grandmother's house for "lunch" and then my parents for dinner. DH's family is tiny celebrations are usually only his parents, GM, and his aunt.  When his GM became too frail, his mom started hosting. That worked out for DH because dinner would be around 1, and he and FIL could hunt in the morning and evening. Around the same time I got to where I could not deal with my sister and her husband, so it worked for me too. After a few years, we started ordering a dinner.

This is the first year since my kids have moved out on their own, and MIL & FIL are taking GM and aunt to a buffet. Buffets are generally non starters for DH (unless seafood). So we will host the kids. After working on a fundraiser all month, I have decided to keep it basic. Whenever I try to fancy it up with homemade options the kids are not as happy anyway. So I will roast a turkey (likely spatchcock), mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, green bean casserole, glazed carrots, and Stove Top stuffing. I will use bone broth in the stuffing and potatoes for flavor. DD will make an apple pie and I ordered a pumpkin pie and dinner rolls from a nearby farm. Will likely do a veggie & dip tray and a cheese tray.

I think this will be the first that we have done alone. And I am kind of looking forward to it.

[raeoflyte]

The thing I'm usually trying and failing at are holidays that are a little calmer. There's always a lot at the last minute. But I'm grateful for the family and activities.

Opti I think setting up your place so you can bake and invite friends over for cookies sounds wonderful.

[raeoflyte]

Christmas caroling would be great for your church choir I would think.

[Opti]

Nov 21, 2023 9:04:24 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Marvelous idea opti. To offer to organize a TG at your church. You’d be helping lots of people and also yourself!

I did that at my old church in Morristown. (They are no longer there.)

[Opti]

Nov 21, 2023 9:46:13 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

The thing I'm usually trying and failing at are holidays that are a little calmer. There's always a lot at the last minute. But I'm grateful for the family and activities.

Opti I think setting up your place so you can bake and invite friends over for cookies sounds wonderful.

I would like to do a cookie swap before I mail my sib my grandma's dishes. I could also plan to do cookies in February which would be easier. I used to make seasonal spritz cookies. Mostly Christmas and Valentine's day, but other occasions as well.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 21, 2023 10:30:35 GMT -5 Opti said:

Nov 21, 2023 9:46:13 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

The thing I'm usually trying and failing at are holidays that are a little calmer. There's always a lot at the last minute. But I'm grateful for the family and activities.

Opti I think setting up your place so you can bake and invite friends over for cookies sounds wonderful.

I would like to do a cookie swap before I mail my sib my grandma's dishes. I could also plan to do cookies in February which would be easier. I used to make seasonal spritz cookies. Mostly Christmas and Valentine's day, but other occasions as well.

We used to do spring, Halloween, and Christmas cookies. I like the off Christmas cookie season decorating because it was much more relaxed, we're not trying to decorate 15 dozen, etc.

[Opti]

Nov 21, 2023 12:04:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 21, 2023 10:30:35 GMT -5 Opti said:

I would like to do a cookie swap before I mail my sib my grandma's dishes. I could also plan to do cookies in February which would be easier. I used to make seasonal spritz cookies. Mostly Christmas and Valentine's day, but other occasions as well.

We used to do spring, Halloween, and Christmas cookies. I like the off Christmas cookie season decorating because it was much more relaxed, we're not trying to decorate 15 dozen, etc.

That's right! I forgot about Easter and various spring holidays. I agree with you on the decorating. I remember the last time I flew to moms place and she picked me up with my niece and nephew. Without telling me she had planned a sugar cookie decorating fest with the four of us. I was exhausted, wanted to decompress, but it remains a good memory.

[jerseygirl]

Holiday experience
Don’t forget to turn on the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade . Usually we forget till more than half over, then need to wander through the channels to find Macy’s. That’s the REAL parade.
Watch Miracle on 34th St although lots of different opinions on which old movie to watch
Family play some kind of card game in evening - preferable risqué with lots of wine/beer

[Opti]

JG, One of my customer's will be a balloon handler again in the parade. I would like to do that or go in the city to see the balloons being blown up. One of my yet to be done NYC bucket list items.

Our card game of choice is UNO. I should try to start others on it. 

[Tennesseer]

Nov 21, 2023 13:45:33 GMT -5 Opti said:

JG, One of my customer's will be a balloon handler again in the parade. I would like to do that or go in the city to see the balloons being blown up. One of my yet to be done NYC bucket list items.

Our card game of choice is UNO. I should try to start others on it. 

If you have never attended the Macy's T'Day parade, you should. Instead of driving up to Massachusetts for T'Day, I decided to stay put in Newark, NJ (where I lived at the time) and go into Manhattan to attend the parade.

Interesting. Glad I did it at least one time in my life.

[Tennesseer]

[jerseygirl]

How true. I can feel our dear ones still at the table

[busymom]

Nov 21, 2023 13:45:33 GMT -5 Opti said:

JG, One of my customer's will be a balloon handler again in the parade. I would like to do that or go in the city to see the balloons being blown up. One of my yet to be done NYC bucket list items.

Our card game of choice is UNO. I should try to start others on it. 

   I love UNO, but haven't played it in years.  Sign me up!  


   I would just like the holidays to be less chaotic.  There are battles about who is hosting, last minute changes, plus DH & I send out too many Christmas cards, which takes up a lot of time.  I rarely have the time to bake Christmas cookies, which is something I love to do, if I only have the time.  Maybe the answer is to celebrate the holiday at home with just the immediate family, and have a bit more peace and quiet.  And, if I'm feeling flush with cash, have a local restaurant prepare the main part of the holiday meal.  It always feels like rush, rush, rush and then it's over. 

[giramomma]

Honestly, I would create a space where folks could be free to have cold pricklies associated with the holidays. And we could own it. And it would be just as legitimate as everyone who gets the warm fuzzies. And it wouldn't be our fault.

Pretending and portraying a reality that is not an honest, accurate reality really sucks.

I'm almost 50. I think I've earned the right to live an honest, authentic life. I don't know why it's expected that I be closeted, so to speak, because holidays bring up all sorts of hard, negative feelings for me.

[moon/Laura]

I work Thanksgiving so it's not a holiday for me to begin with. And, as many of you already know, I don't care for the holidays in general.

If I could do what I wanted though, I'd probably drive somewhere I'd never been and go take pictures of birds/other wildlife for a week - all by myself. Wouldn't talk to anyone and have to fake the 'happy holiday' bullshit. I know, I'm not normal. I don't care. Rather be alone, what can I say.

[Opti]

Nov 23, 2023 20:00:55 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

I work Thanksgiving so it's not a holiday for me to begin with. And, as many of you already know, I don't care for the holidays in general.

If I could do what I wanted though, I'd probably drive somewhere I'd never been and go take pictures of birds/other wildlife for a week - all by myself. Wouldn't talk to anyone and have to fake the 'happy holiday' bullshit. I know, I'm not normal. I don't care. Rather be alone, what can I say.

I used to work Thanksgiving most years but tried to work the day shift and Christmas anytime because I am not near family nor married so I figured why not.

I hope you have fun whatever you choose. There are many people who do not like the holidays. I like them somewhat as there can be family drama especially TG and Christmas. My sister worked today and apparently the day before as well. She was past her limit and I really should have gracefully hung up once she started her patented I'm right you are not shit.

I literally said something about we cannot force dad to walk more or want to live, and then she immediately asked why not in a semi hostile angry tone. Then less than a minute later, repeats exactly what I said in her words. But she knows! 


OMG, she's hung up on the I am here crap even with dad.   x 1 million. I talk regularly to my dad, or did before his fall that sent him ultimately being wheelchair bound. I am the most like him and the least invested of my sibs in him being something he is not.
I like being with people, but I do get peopled out and need lots of alone time or walk in the woods and hang with critters time.

[Tennesseer]

Nov 23, 2023 19:34:59 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Honestly, I would create a space where folks could be free to have cold pricklies associated with the holidays. And we could own it. And it would be just as legitimate as everyone who gets the warm fuzzies. And it wouldn't be our fault.

Pretending and portraying a reality that is not an honest, accurate reality really sucks.

I'm almost 50. I think I've earned the right to live an honest, authentic life. I don't know why it's expected that I be closeted, so to speak, because holidays bring up all sorts of hard, negative feelings for me.

I blame those mindless Hallmark Christmas movies for that.  Not everyone can have a Hallmark style Thanksgiving or Christmas. The expectations can be damaging.

[Opti]

Suicides and deaths are always up around the holidays or milestone events. Without other people Christmas is pretty meaningless to me. Hannukah isn't even considered a major holiday by Jews, but it does bring out the good dairy free snacks and desserts ... so I love that aspect of it.


I'm going to do Xmas cards for my own office and start thinking about this year's theme for me ... and if there are people I can send some old Xmas cards to that have not seen them before.

[Tennesseer]

Dec 3, 2023 16:18:42 GMT -5 Opti said:

Suicides and deaths are always up around the holidays or milestone events. Without other people Christmas is pretty meaningless to me. Hannukah isn't even considered a major holiday by Jews, but it does bring out the good dairy free snacks and desserts ... so I love that aspect of it.


I'm going to do Xmas cards for my own office and start thinking about this year's theme for me ... and if there are people I can send some old Xmas cards to that have not seen them before.

My aunt comitted suicide on Thanksgiving night in the '70s. There was a lot of mental illness going on around her immediate family at that time.

[Opti]

Dec 3, 2023 16:26:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dec 3, 2023 16:18:42 GMT -5 Opti said:

Suicides and deaths are always up around the holidays or milestone events. Without other people Christmas is pretty meaningless to me. Hannukah isn't even considered a major holiday by Jews, but it does bring out the good dairy free snacks and desserts ... so I love that aspect of it.


I'm going to do Xmas cards for my own office and start thinking about this year's theme for me ... and if there are people I can send some old Xmas cards to that have not seen them before.

My aunt comitted suicide on Thanksgiving night in the '70s. There was a lot of mental illness going on around her immediate family at that time.

It can also IMO be deep anguish that people do not know how to let go. My dad snapped out of whatever he was in. Might have been having my other two sisters at his home to celebrate his birthday in late summer. Also having persnickety YS as his caretaking shepherd might give him some comfort.

[NastyWoman]

Dec 3, 2023 16:26:34 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dec 3, 2023 16:18:42 GMT -5 Opti said:

Suicides and deaths are always up around the holidays or milestone events. Without other people Christmas is pretty meaningless to me. Hannukah isn't even considered a major holiday by Jews, but it does bring out the good dairy free snacks and desserts ... so I love that aspect of it.


I'm going to do Xmas cards for my own office and start thinking about this year's theme for me ... and if there are people I can send some old Xmas cards to that have not seen them before.

My aunt comitted suicide on Thanksgiving night in the '70s. There was a lot of mental illness going on around her immediate family at that time.