We need a train wreck

[weltschmerz]

Mar 4, 2023 10:36:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I want a 9th tattoo and am attempting to get a pug puppy in the coming months.

That is money I really should be investing at 11% not to mention I'm making myself look unprofessional and could be using that money to pursue more suitable enlightened hobbies.

i have no tattoos. I'm a rebel.

[mollyanna58]

Here’s a train wreck for you all to enjoy.

My friend, L, hasn’t worked since she got fired 7 years ago, except for one or two very short term jobs.  

L is suing her former employer because she was hurt on the job shortly before being fired (torn rotator cuff).  She told me several years ago that she was awarded Workers Comp benefits, but the employer challenged it. It was going through the court system when COVID hit and the courts closed down.  What the current status is, I am afraid to ask since many of her comments and explanations don’t make sense to me.

She was in a car accident shortly before she was fired, and totaled her car.  I picked her up at the ER after the accident. She didn’t remember what happened.  First she wondered if the other car had come out of a side street and hit her; within the hour, she had decided that was what had happened and was irate that this girl came out like a bat out of hell and hit her.  Not that she actually remembered if that was true.  OTOH, she couldn’t tell me where she was driving to, or where she had started out.  The insurance company said she was at fault due to the police report.

Her car insurance was through my agency.  The claims people called me several times to say she had been screaming at them about the way the claim was being handled, but she wouldn’t fill out the necessary paperwork so they could pay her medical expenses and lost income.

She could have applied for state disability payments; someone she was dealing with in a government office told her to file, but she refused to do it.

L took Social Security before her full retirement age because she had no income.  The check covered her mortgage payment with a few hundred extra.  Now that she has hit 65 and Medicare premium is being taken out, there is almost nothing left to live on.

Her next car was stolen, and recovered but a total loss.  When it first disappeared from her driveway, she assumed it was repossessed because she was behind on the payments.  She had the car towed to a local dealership.  When she went there to clean it out, they sold her a 3yo used car, despite her protests that she couldn’t pay just yet. Her lawyer told them she would get her court settlement within 2 months.  They used some promotion for returning buyers for the down payment, and set up the first installment for 2 months later.  She didn’t have the money, and never made any payments.  The car was repossessed after she had it for 8 months.  She was irate because she was “working with them”.  Telling someone you don’t have the money but will pay them when you get a court settlement is not “ working with them”.

L was unbanked for over a year, despite having a regular SS payment. She said the bank screwed up her account and she wasn’t eligible to get a bank account anywhere for at least a year.  I am sure her habit of paying businesses with post dated checks that she couldn’t cover is what the bank screw up was.  

In the meantime, she would take her check to a check cashing place.  When her car wasn’t running, she would take a cab, which cost $30. for a 6 mile round trip.  Could’ve taken a train for $5. Anyway, a year ago I searched for a bank that had a free account for low income people. One area bank was advertising an account that paid a $20 monthly bonus for the first year if there was direct deposit, with a $100. minimum opening balance.  I gave her $100. plus $20. for gas money and told her to go open an account and have her SS direct deposited.  When she got there, they told her she didn’t qualify for that account, but they opened up a low income account, free with a monthly balance of $50.  She put $60. in and used the other $40. for groceries.  Fine by me.

She doesn’t have internet because she can’t afford it, so I helped her set up online access and she asked me to check to see if her SS had hit the account.  When I looked, she was overdrawn by $200. because she had already given someone a post dated check which they cashed.  

I have told her repeatedly that she needs to get a job and she says she is looking but no one will hire her.  There are “help wanted” signs all over town, but no one is hiring her.  The local supermarket told her they don’t hire town residents.  I am wondering whether she has caused scenes there over the years.

L is constantly being wronged by other people or businesses.  She says she calls this state agency or that state agency and they agree she is in the right and the other people involved can’t do that, and there is a legal remedy and  so on.  None of which ever happens.

Her house is a legal 2 family, and the rent from the studio apartment was keeping her going, along with her SS.  But the tenant moved out without notice. No written lease, no deposit.  Shortly before she got fired, she had started tearing her bathroom apart, and then couldn’t do the work. Right after the tenant moved out, her toilet stopped working, so she started using the rental unit.  She can’t rent it out anyway, because her roof needs to be replaced and it’s now leaking into the rental.

She is facing utility shut offs now that the COVID moratoriums are over.  Apparently she hasn’t paid her electric or gas bills for years.  She has gotten some help from county agencies.  She keeps telling me that they have looked up her records and have seen she has never collected unemployment or anything, so she is entitled to X benefits.

She finally decided to sell her house because she can’t afford it.  She probably has $300K in equity.  She wanted to hold onto it because she likes her neighborhood, and because the mortgage is less than rents around here. But she can’t maintain it.  Several builders want it, because it’s zoned for multi-family and has a good sized level lot.  But she made the decision to sell in November and still is fiddling about with actually selling.

She has gone through her savings and her retirement accounts.  Yet she asked me about adding insurance on her two engagement rings and valuable artwork.  Not that she could pay the premiums.  Sell the diamonds and buy some food! 

Like nidena, I have pondered helping her out.  She already owes me $5K. But it would be endless.  If I loaned or gave her the money for a roof, she would still need bathroom repairs.  If I included that, she would still need something else.  I could easily loan or give her money, but I know she would keep coming back for more.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mar 4, 2023 12:48:00 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Mar 4, 2023 10:36:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I want a 9th tattoo and am attempting to get a pug puppy in the coming months.

That is money I really should be investing at 11% not to mention I'm making myself look unprofessional and could be using that money to pursue more suitable enlightened hobbies.

Consider it money spent on therapy. Tattoos and dogs or a therapist - same thing!

I have a therapist too!

[daisylu]

Not it! At least financially.

[stillmovingforward]

Mar 4, 2023 15:09:21 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Mar 4, 2023 12:48:00 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Consider it money spent on therapy. Tattoos and dogs or a therapist - same thing!

I have a therapist too!

Well since I really really want a tattoo and can't have one for medical reasons, I'll give you permission to use 'mine' 

[nidena]

Mar 4, 2023 14:08:11 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Here’s a train wreck for you all to enjoy.

My friend, L, hasn’t worked since she got fired 7 years ago, except for one or two very short term jobs.  

L is suing her former employer because she was hurt on the job shortly before being fired (torn rotator cuff).  She told me several years ago that she was awarded Workers Comp benefits, but the employer challenged it. It was going through the court system when COVID hit and the courts closed down.  What the current status is, I am afraid to ask since many of her comments and explanations don’t make sense to me.

She was in a car accident shortly before she was fired, and totaled her car.  I picked her up at the ER after the accident. She didn’t remember what happened.  First she wondered if the other car had come out of a side street and hit her; within the hour, she had decided that was what had happened and was irate that this girl came out like a bat out of hell and hit her.  Not that she actually remembered if that was true.  OTOH, she couldn’t tell me where she was driving to, or where she had started out.  The insurance company said she was at fault due to the police report.

Her car insurance was through my agency.  The claims people called me several times to say she had been screaming at them about the way the claim was being handled, but she wouldn’t fill out the necessary paperwork so they could pay her medical expenses and lost income.

She could have applied for state disability payments; someone she was dealing with in a government office told her to file, but she refused to do it.

L took Social Security before her full retirement age because she had no income.  The check covered her mortgage payment with a few hundred extra.  Now that she has hit 65 and Medicare premium is being taken out, there is almost nothing left to live on.

Her next car was stolen, and recovered but a total loss.  When it first disappeared from her driveway, she assumed it was repossessed because she was behind on the payments.  She had the car towed to a local dealership.  When she went there to clean it out, they sold her a 3yo used car, despite her protests that she couldn’t pay just yet. Her lawyer told them she would get her court settlement within 2 months.  They used some promotion for returning buyers for the down payment, and set up the first installment for 2 months later.  She didn’t have the money, and never made any payments.  The car was repossessed after she had it for 8 months.  She was irate because she was “working with them”.  Telling someone you don’t have the money but will pay them when you get a court settlement is not “ working with them”.

L was unbanked for over a year, despite having a regular SS payment. She said the bank screwed up her account and she wasn’t eligible to get a bank account anywhere for at least a year.  I am sure her habit of paying businesses with post dated checks that she couldn’t cover is what the bank screw up was.  

In the meantime, she would take her check to a check cashing place.  When her car wasn’t running, she would take a cab, which cost $30. for a 6 mile round trip.  Could’ve taken a train for $5. Anyway, a year ago I searched for a bank that had a free account for low income people. One area bank was advertising an account that paid a $20 monthly bonus for the first year if there was direct deposit, with a $100. minimum opening balance.  I gave her $100. plus $20. for gas money and told her to go open an account and have her SS direct deposited.  When she got there, they told her she didn’t qualify for that account, but they opened up a low income account, free with a monthly balance of $50.  She put $60. in and used the other $40. for groceries.  Fine by me.

She doesn’t have internet because she can’t afford it, so I helped her set up online access and she asked me to check to see if her SS had hit the account.  When I looked, she was overdrawn by $200. because she had already given someone a post dated check which they cashed.  

I have told her repeatedly that she needs to get a job and she says she is looking but no one will hire her.  There are “help wanted” signs all over town, but no one is hiring her.  The local supermarket told her they don’t hire town residents.  I am wondering whether she has caused scenes there over the years.

L is constantly being wronged by other people or businesses.  She says she calls this state agency or that state agency and they agree she is in the right and the other people involved can’t do that, and there is a legal remedy and  so on.  None of which ever happens.

Her house is a legal 2 family, and the rent from the studio apartment was keeping her going, along with her SS.  But the tenant moved out without notice. No written lease, no deposit.  Shortly before she got fired, she had started tearing her bathroom apart, and then couldn’t do the work. Right after the tenant moved out, her toilet stopped working, so she started using the rental unit.  She can’t rent it out anyway, because her roof needs to be replaced and it’s now leaking into the rental.

She is facing utility shut offs now that the COVID moratoriums are over.  Apparently she hasn’t paid her electric or gas bills for years.  She has gotten some help from county agencies.  She keeps telling me that they have looked up her records and have seen she has never collected unemployment or anything, so she is entitled to X benefits.

She finally decided to sell her house because she can’t afford it.  She probably has $300K in equity.  She wanted to hold onto it because she likes her neighborhood, and because the mortgage is less than rents around here. But she can’t maintain it.  Several builders want it, because it’s zoned for multi-family and has a good sized level lot.  But she made the decision to sell in November and still is fiddling about with actually selling.

She has gone through her savings and her retirement accounts.  Yet she asked me about adding insurance on her two engagement rings and valuable artwork.  Not that she could pay the premiums.  Sell the diamonds and buy some food! 

Like nidena, I have pondered helping her out.  She already owes me $5K. But it would be endless.  If I loaned or gave her the money for a roof, she would still need bathroom repairs.  If I included that, she would still need something else.  I could easily loan or give her money, but I know she would keep coming back for more.  

Thankfully, the friend I'm considering helping isn't that much of a shitshow at life. lol.

[seriousthistime]

I am related to trainwrecks and know other trainwrecks.

I.  My relative has skills and education but has only worked sporadically after being discharged from the Navy.  And with his skills he made good money.  But he is incapable of sticking to a job for more than a year because he doesn't like people telling him what to do and how to do it.  So when he developed disabling health issues in his 40s he stopped a very sporadic work record and started collecting disability.  Fortunately, from one of several insurance settlements (at which he is quite adept, from car accidents and workers comp cases) he was able to pay $45,000 cash for a very small house with no mortgage.  When he inherited a small sum from his parents, he decided to use it to add square footage to his house, hired a friend to work on it and the friend in turn hired a subcontractor to do some framing.  According to my relative, the subcontractor came off and on for a few weeks and then went to the site on a Monday morning (after he'd been doing some work on his own house) wearing sunglasses, talked to no one, grabbed a piece of 2x4, jammed a saw down onto it, then screamed in pain.  Went to the hospital, was transferred to another hospital, had surgery, and it resulted in permanent injury. There was a reasonable suspicion that he had injured himself over the weekend.

The subcontractor filed a workers comp claim and a lawsuit against my relative.  He hired a lawyer.  He lost the lawsuit.  Of course, the lawyer was "a bum who didn't know what he was doing."  The subcontractor lost the workers comp case on appeal.  I suggested my relative investigate trying to amend the outcome of the lawsuit based on the workers comp decision and when I talked to him two years later, he had not tried to do that because he had "been busy."  As it stands, there is a lien on his property in the amount of the judgment in the lawsuit. And the work was never finished so he has an addition to his house that is down to the studs, no insulation, in a very rough winter climate. Did I mention that throughout all this time he didn't have homeowners insurance?  I have helped him out with his property taxes from time to time.  He thought that if he gave the county sporadic partial payments that they would lay low.  He was mistaken. In the last bill, he also owed the city some sort of tax for the BRAND NEW car he was able to purchase 6 months earlier, and that had to be paid with the arrearage. 

II.  An acquaintance lost her husband very suddenly.  They had been in the process of trying to increase his insurance through work because she was 'disabled' (though had not been able to collect disability due to her years of working 'under the table' and not reporting her wages).  The insurance increase was not in effect when he died.  They rented their house so there was no equity there.  He was the saver, she was the spender.  He had been saying to her that he was putting money aside for a rainy day.  She learned after he died that the rainy day fund was under $1K when he died.  A GoFundMe was set up and people were very generous because right after his death she had no idea what she had, or had access to, and didn't know how to pay the rent and utilities.  So she moved into a more modest place and started to spend his 401(k). She has been spending ever since.  I mean, a grand style of spending, multiple trips to Europe every year, restaurants, new car, subsidizing their adult son, etc.  I don't know how much was in the 401(k) but my guess is that she eventually was shocked to learn that she owed income tax on the withdrawals.  I think she is also like many trainwrecks in that she feels she is fine as long as she can pay the minimum payment due on her multiple credit cards, and as long as they keep sending her invitations to apply for new credit cards, she will take them up on it.  

[Empire the P.A.]

Okay, after reading mollyanna58 and seriousthistime friend/family train wreck stories I don’t feel so down about my issues. I have a pension that covers my expenses but I have a small problem with carrying balances on my cc’s. I have options but I need to stop procrastinating. 

[toomuchreality]

Mar 4, 2023 13:11:43 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Mar 4, 2023 10:36:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I want a 9th tattoo and am attempting to get a pug puppy in the coming months.

That is money I really should be investing at 11% not to mention I'm making myself look unprofessional and could be using that money to pursue more suitable enlightened hobbies.

i have no tattoos. I'm a rebel.

I don't either.
The idea of being a rebel, that made me laugh.

[tallguy]

Mar 3, 2023 7:54:48 GMT -5 tractor said:

No, not like the one in Ohio. I'm sitting here looking at all the threads and thinking back fondly on previous posters who asked questions about the big hole they dug for themselves and asked for advice. Then they promptly ignore all the advice and get feisty.

We've all become to civilized, and advanced in our financial abilities. Anyone want to step up and take one for the team?

Sorry, can't help.  I've never even ridden the train, much less had it wreck on me.  And even the people around me who were not good with money were never train wrecks, so relating someone else's story won't work either.  Now that you mention it though, I've never been particularly entertained by stupid people in the first place, so...good luck, I guess?     

[NancysSummerSip]

Mar 3, 2023 8:58:21 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I should recruit from the Paying for College Facebook page.   Plenty of people setting themselves up for financial ruin over there. 

I'd have to pass on reading that - I have too many clients paying off their own loans and their kids' loans at the same time. Same people swore their kids promised to pay their own loans. Uh, no. You signed for the loans, parental unit. Your problem - unless you want to take your darling child to court in a lawsuit.

[azucena]

This is the time of year when DH and I try to avoid being jealous as we will owe taxes meanwhile SIL is getting a $10k tax refund. She doesn't have a real job except to take care of things around her mom's house while getting paid by the state of IL since MIL is blind. She also sells some stuff on ebay.

First step in blowing the $10k is to overdo her daughter's 5th bday party. She's got 5 princesses coming to the tune of $500. DH will take DD10 and I'll skip with DD14 to go watch another niece perform in a school musical.

[TheOtherMe]

Mar 6, 2023 11:35:06 GMT -5 azucena said:

This is the time of year when DH and I try to avoid being jealous as we will owe taxes meanwhile SIL is getting a $10k tax refund. She doesn't have a real job except to take care of things around her mom's house while getting paid by the state of IL since MIL is blind. She also sells some stuff on ebay.

First step in blowing the $10k is to overdo her daughter's 5th bday party. She's got 5 princesses coming to the tune of $500. DH will take DD10 and I'll skip with DD14 to go watch another niece perform in a school musical.

Saw so much of this the tax season I spent at H & R Block.  That $10K doesn't last a month.

[jerseygirl]

Why are there 2 both misspelled
Wreak??
Wreck please and gads the examples are amazingly BAD

[gs11rmb]

This isn't a train wreck but I think it has the potential:

I have had an employee for the last couple of years who just gave notice to spend a year driving around the United States in a RV with his wife and toddler.  They were in a very bad accident a few years ago and that's what prompted them to get 'more serious' about careers and health insurance.  But now he's giving up that insurance and relying on his 'other income stream', which is a MLM.  I think he probably got in early enough that he has a bit of a downline but I'd still be worried to have that as my sole income!  Also, he doesn't contribute to the 401K and told a colleague that she's "too young to worry about retirement".  He's 39.

He's a very hard worker and has done a great job, which I think demonstrates that people can have their stuff together in one aspect of their life while not caring about other aspects.

[busymom]

Mar 6, 2023 16:06:02 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

This isn't a train wreck but I think it has the potential:

I have had an employee for the last couple of years who just gave notice to spend a year driving around the United States in a RV with his wife and toddler.  They were in a very bad accident a few years ago and that's what prompted them to get 'more serious' about careers and health insurance.  But now he's giving up that insurance and relying on his 'other income stream', which is a MLM.  I think he probably got in early enough that he has a bit of a downline but I'd still be worried to have that as my sole income!  Also, he doesn't contribute to the 401K and told a colleague that she's "too young to worry about retirement".  He's 39.

He's a very hard worker and has done a great job, which I think demonstrates that people can have their stuff together in one aspect of their life while not caring about other aspects.

     I totally get this.  I had a coworker whose work life was awesome.  Her ability to memorize details, be efficient and do her job was phenomenal.  She was amazing until her work was done for the day.  Her personal life was one hot mess, between the men in her life and her lack of financial savvy.  If she just would've been "average" in both work & personal life, her overall condition would've been much better.  

[debthaven]

Empire the P.A. if ever you feel like it, and you're serious about trying to get out of debt, I suggest you post on the WIR Racers part of this board. People there are kind and encouraging, and you'll see some familiar faces. 

Wishing you the best! 

 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I wonder what’s going on with my SM.  I have had very little contact with her since the house sold.  I know she moved in with her daughter and her daughter’s 2 kids (who are mid/late 20s).  The house got her a bolus of about $50k, and I hope she is holding it on to it better than the money dad left her.  She does have an income of about $4k coming in each month, which should be sufficient (considering all her healthcare is 100% covered).  

I tried calling her a few times, and never got a chance to find out how things are before we left.  I’ll try when we get home.

[mollyanna58]

Mar 6, 2023 16:06:02 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

This isn't a train wreck but I think it has the potential:

I have had an employee for the last couple of years who just gave notice to spend a year driving around the United States in a RV with his wife and toddler.  They were in a very bad accident a few years ago and that's what prompted them to get 'more serious' about careers and health insurance.  But now he's giving up that insurance and relying on his 'other income stream', which is a MLM.  I think he probably got in early enough that he has a bit of a downline but I'd still be worried to have that as my sole income!  Also, he doesn't contribute to the 401K and told a colleague that she's "too young to worry about retirement".  He's 39.

He's a very hard worker and has done a great job, which I think demonstrates that people can have their stuff together in one aspect of their life while not caring about other aspects.

I know someone who tried this, but as their retirement lifestyle.  They lasted a few months, then came back.  She went back to work (well paid attorney), and has been buying back stuff she sold or donated when they downsized. Fortunately, their house hasn't sold yet.

[happyhoix]

Mar 4, 2023 14:08:11 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Here’s a train wreck for you all to enjoy.

My friend, L, hasn’t worked since she got fired 7 years ago, except for one or two very short term jobs.  

L is suing her former employer because she was hurt on the job shortly before being fired (torn rotator cuff).  She told me several years ago that she was awarded Workers Comp benefits, but the employer challenged it. It was going through the court system when COVID hit and the courts closed down.  What the current status is, I am afraid to ask since many of her comments and explanations don’t make sense to me.

She was in a car accident shortly before she was fired, and totaled her car.  I picked her up at the ER after the accident. She didn’t remember what happened.  First she wondered if the other car had come out of a side street and hit her; within the hour, she had decided that was what had happened and was irate that this girl came out like a bat out of hell and hit her.  Not that she actually remembered if that was true.  OTOH, she couldn’t tell me where she was driving to, or where she had started out.  The insurance company said she was at fault due to the police report.

Her car insurance was through my agency.  The claims people called me several times to say she had been screaming at them about the way the claim was being handled, but she wouldn’t fill out the necessary paperwork so they could pay her medical expenses and lost income.

She could have applied for state disability payments; someone she was dealing with in a government office told her to file, but she refused to do it.

L took Social Security before her full retirement age because she had no income.  The check covered her mortgage payment with a few hundred extra.  Now that she has hit 65 and Medicare premium is being taken out, there is almost nothing left to live on.

Her next car was stolen, and recovered but a total loss.  When it first disappeared from her driveway, she assumed it was repossessed because she was behind on the payments.  She had the car towed to a local dealership.  When she went there to clean it out, they sold her a 3yo used car, despite her protests that she couldn’t pay just yet. Her lawyer told them she would get her court settlement within 2 months.  They used some promotion for returning buyers for the down payment, and set up the first installment for 2 months later.  She didn’t have the money, and never made any payments.  The car was repossessed after she had it for 8 months.  She was irate because she was “working with them”.  Telling someone you don’t have the money but will pay them when you get a court settlement is not “ working with them”.

L was unbanked for over a year, despite having a regular SS payment. She said the bank screwed up her account and she wasn’t eligible to get a bank account anywhere for at least a year.  I am sure her habit of paying businesses with post dated checks that she couldn’t cover is what the bank screw up was.  

In the meantime, she would take her check to a check cashing place.  When her car wasn’t running, she would take a cab, which cost $30. for a 6 mile round trip.  Could’ve taken a train for $5. Anyway, a year ago I searched for a bank that had a free account for low income people. One area bank was advertising an account that paid a $20 monthly bonus for the first year if there was direct deposit, with a $100. minimum opening balance.  I gave her $100. plus $20. for gas money and told her to go open an account and have her SS direct deposited.  When she got there, they told her she didn’t qualify for that account, but they opened up a low income account, free with a monthly balance of $50.  She put $60. in and used the other $40. for groceries.  Fine by me.

She doesn’t have internet because she can’t afford it, so I helped her set up online access and she asked me to check to see if her SS had hit the account.  When I looked, she was overdrawn by $200. because she had already given someone a post dated check which they cashed.  

I have told her repeatedly that she needs to get a job and she says she is looking but no one will hire her.  There are “help wanted” signs all over town, but no one is hiring her.  The local supermarket told her they don’t hire town residents.  I am wondering whether she has caused scenes there over the years.

L is constantly being wronged by other people or businesses.  She says she calls this state agency or that state agency and they agree she is in the right and the other people involved can’t do that, and there is a legal remedy and  so on.  None of which ever happens.

Her house is a legal 2 family, and the rent from the studio apartment was keeping her going, along with her SS.  But the tenant moved out without notice. No written lease, no deposit.  Shortly before she got fired, she had started tearing her bathroom apart, and then couldn’t do the work. Right after the tenant moved out, her toilet stopped working, so she started using the rental unit.  She can’t rent it out anyway, because her roof needs to be replaced and it’s now leaking into the rental.

She is facing utility shut offs now that the COVID moratoriums are over.  Apparently she hasn’t paid her electric or gas bills for years.  She has gotten some help from county agencies.  She keeps telling me that they have looked up her records and have seen she has never collected unemployment or anything, so she is entitled to X benefits.

She finally decided to sell her house because she can’t afford it.  She probably has $300K in equity.  She wanted to hold onto it because she likes her neighborhood, and because the mortgage is less than rents around here. But she can’t maintain it.  Several builders want it, because it’s zoned for multi-family and has a good sized level lot.  But she made the decision to sell in November and still is fiddling about with actually selling.

She has gone through her savings and her retirement accounts.  Yet she asked me about adding insurance on her two engagement rings and valuable artwork.  Not that she could pay the premiums.  Sell the diamonds and buy some food! 

Like nidena, I have pondered helping her out.  She already owes me $5K. But it would be endless.  If I loaned or gave her the money for a roof, she would still need bathroom repairs.  If I included that, she would still need something else.  I could easily loan or give her money, but I know she would keep coming back for more.  

What would happen is she would figure out some reason why she shouldn’t have to pay you back. You’d never see a dime.

My older sister was a train wreck and I sent her small sums occasionally as a gift, not a loan. She explained to me that people like me - married, double income- should be obligated to help out people like her - (quit working at 50 because it got really cold in the winter and she hated having to leave the house and get in her cold car to go to work, then tried to get on disability with a fake disability).

I’m certain your friend will be just as creative thinking about why she shouldn’t have to pay you back.

[mollyanna58]

Mar 8, 2023 14:03:42 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Mar 4, 2023 14:08:11 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

What would happen is she would figure out some reason why she shouldn’t have to pay you back. You’d never see a dime.

My older sister was a train wreck and I sent her small sums occasionally as a gift, not a loan. She explained to me that people like me - married, double income- should be obligated to help out people like her - (quit working at 50 because it got really cold in the winter and she hated having to leave the house and get in her cold car to go to work, then tried to get on disability with a fake disability).

I’m certain your friend will be just as creative thinking about why she shouldn’t have to pay you back.

I am sure she would intend to pay me back.  I am equally sure she lacks the capacity to do so.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Mar 5, 2023 11:06:51 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Mar 3, 2023 8:58:21 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I should recruit from the Paying for College Facebook page.   Plenty of people setting themselves up for financial ruin over there. 

I'd have to pass on reading that - I have too many clients paying off their own loans and their kids' loans at the same time. Same people swore their kids promised to pay their own loans. Uh, no. You signed for the loans, parental unit. Your problem - unless you want to take your darling child to court in a lawsuit.

It's unbelievable how many people lose all sense when it comes to college for their kids which is why I don't like that there are almost no restrictions on Parent Plus loans.

[spartyparty]

Mar 3, 2023 7:54:48 GMT -5 tractor said:

No, not like the one in Ohio. I'm sitting here looking at all the threads and thinking back fondly on previous posters who asked questions about the big hole they dug for themselves and asked for advice. Then they promptly ignore all the advice and get feisty.

We've all become to civilized, and advanced in our financial abilities. Anyone want to step up and take one for the team?

Mr. Train Wreck is here (funny enough that is the beer I drink)

I got one for ya...wife was/is a huge spender.  I managed to keep us out of bankruptcy for 20 years....the last couple of years were really really good financially, but most of the disposable income was hers to spend (arrangement we had).  Any amount of her paycheck over X dollars was hers to spend as she pleased, no questions asked.  That happened to be a total of $42k over the last 2 years....and she still had $21k in maxed out credit cards.

Despite all of that...the light was at the end of the tunnel (we finally refinanced the house in November of 2021)...I was finally going to have a nice emergency fund by the end of this year...and then whammo she tells me she wants a divorce.

[toomuchreality]

Mar 9, 2023 17:08:01 GMT -5 spartyparty said:

Mar 3, 2023 7:54:48 GMT -5 tractor said:

No, not like the one in Ohio. I'm sitting here looking at all the threads and thinking back fondly on previous posters who asked questions about the big hole they dug for themselves and asked for advice. Then they promptly ignore all the advice and get feisty.

We've all become to civilized, and advanced in our financial abilities. Anyone want to step up and take one for the team?

Mr. Train Wreck is here (funny enough that is the beer I drink)

I got one for ya...wife was/is a huge spender.  I managed to keep us out of bankruptcy for 20 years....the last couple of years were really really good financially, but most of the disposable income was hers to spend (arrangement we had).  Any amount of her paycheck over X dollars was hers to spend as she pleased, no questions asked.  That happened to be a total of $42k over the last 2 years....and she still had $21k in maxed out credit cards.

Despite all of that...the light was at the end of the tunnel (we finally refinanced the house in November of 2021)...I was finally going to have a nice emergency fund by the end of this year...and then whammo she tells me she wants a divorce.

Holy Moly! I'm so sorry!
I don't know what else to say. I've been married and divorced twice. I don't plan on doing it again.
That's got to be tough. I wish you the best.

[minnesotapaintlady]

as

Mar 9, 2023 17:08:01 GMT -5 spartyparty said:

Mar 3, 2023 7:54:48 GMT -5 tractor said:

No, not like the one in Ohio. I'm sitting here looking at all the threads and thinking back fondly on previous posters who asked questions about the big hole they dug for themselves and asked for advice. Then they promptly ignore all the advice and get feisty.

We've all become to civilized, and advanced in our financial abilities. Anyone want to step up and take one for the team?

Mr. Train Wreck is here (funny enough that is the beer I drink)

I got one for ya...wife was/is a huge spender.  I managed to keep us out of bankruptcy for 20 years....the last couple of years were really really good financially, but most of the disposable income was hers to spend (arrangement we had).  Any amount of her paycheck over X dollars was hers to spend as she pleased, no questions asked.  That happened to be a total of $42k over the last 2 years....and she still had $21k in maxed out credit cards.

Despite all of that...the light was at the end of the tunnel (we finally refinanced the house in November of 2021)...I was finally going to have a nice emergency fund by the end of this year...and then whammo she tells me she wants a divorce.

Sorry to hear about the divorce, but that must have been a really stressful way to live.  It would have been for me anyhow.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry.  For me, living with a partner whose financial goals were the exact opposite of mine would be incredibly stressful.  Best of luck to you going forward

[tractor]

Sparty,

Hopefully you find a way to work things out (and by that I mean an "easy" divorce). Being on two separate pages when it come to finances can't be easy. Hopefully you will be able to come back and tell us how you succeeded while watching your wife crash and burn without you to support her.

[happyhoix]

Mar 9, 2023 20:08:15 GMT -5 tractor said:

Sparty,

Hopefully you find a way to work things out (and by that I mean an "easy" divorce). Being on two separate pages when it come to finances can't be easy. Hopefully you will be able to come back and tell us how you succeeded while watching your wife crash and burn without you to support her.

Yes, very sorry Sparty, getting blindsided by a divorce must be the worst, especially after all your work to right the family finances.

I’m meaner than Tractor, though- I hope you do well financially while she crashes and burns and then comes back to try to ingratiate herself in your life again but you’ve already moved on with fabulous woman who is also a financial ace. 😀

[Opti]

Mar 9, 2023 17:08:01 GMT -5 spartyparty said:

Mar 3, 2023 7:54:48 GMT -5 tractor said:

No, not like the one in Ohio. I'm sitting here looking at all the threads and thinking back fondly on previous posters who asked questions about the big hole they dug for themselves and asked for advice. Then they promptly ignore all the advice and get feisty.

We've all become to civilized, and advanced in our financial abilities. Anyone want to step up and take one for the team?

Mr. Train Wreck is here (funny enough that is the beer I drink)

I got one for ya...wife was/is a huge spender.  I managed to keep us out of bankruptcy for 20 years....the last couple of years were really really good financially, but most of the disposable income was hers to spend (arrangement we had).  Any amount of her paycheck over X dollars was hers to spend as she pleased, no questions asked.  That happened to be a total of $42k over the last 2 years....and she still had $21k in maxed out credit cards.

Despite all of that...the light was at the end of the tunnel (we finally refinanced the house in November of 2021)...I was finally going to have a nice emergency fund by the end of this year...and then whammo she tells me she wants a divorce.

Wow, I am sorry this happening to you. I hope you can find some peace and happiness going forward. 

[busymom]

Mar 9, 2023 17:08:01 GMT -5 spartyparty said:

Mar 3, 2023 7:54:48 GMT -5 tractor said:

No, not like the one in Ohio. I'm sitting here looking at all the threads and thinking back fondly on previous posters who asked questions about the big hole they dug for themselves and asked for advice. Then they promptly ignore all the advice and get feisty.

We've all become to civilized, and advanced in our financial abilities. Anyone want to step up and take one for the team?

Mr. Train Wreck is here (funny enough that is the beer I drink)

I got one for ya...wife was/is a huge spender.  I managed to keep us out of bankruptcy for 20 years....the last couple of years were really really good financially, but most of the disposable income was hers to spend (arrangement we had).  Any amount of her paycheck over X dollars was hers to spend as she pleased, no questions asked.  That happened to be a total of $42k over the last 2 years....and she still had $21k in maxed out credit cards.

Despite all of that...the light was at the end of the tunnel (we finally refinanced the house in November of 2021)...I was finally going to have a nice emergency fund by the end of this year...and then whammo she tells me she wants a divorce.

   Oh my word!  I am so sorry to hear that.  

   After the shock wears off, you might find you're swimming in money a few years from now, while she sinks on the RMS Titanic...