Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 11:19:42 GMT -5
I hate doing home maintenance. Personally, I would sell the place and get a condo and use my money to travel, or buy hookers and blow, or anything that didn't involve home maintenance. But you do you. You can afford the renovations. If swamp says it, it is true! Now I just have to figure out what I want. What I really really want.
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djAdvocate
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 15, 2022 11:30:19 GMT -5
Personally, I would just sell the house or just stick to the "have-to's. That's a huge risk sticking a half million into a place when you want to retire and when the housing market is in a weird spot. Where is all the money above the 100K you have saved going to come from? Does that mean you're stuck not being able to retire until it's paid off? good point about the housing market. Some additional info: currently my house is valued at 609k on redfin. A recent house that was falling apart with years of leaking roof damage had a cheapish gut rehab and is valued at 782k, my lot is at least 50% larger, with side drive. The neighborhood has recently taken on an additional glow with a lot of new shops opening nearby and gut rehabs and while the housing market will of course ebb and flow, I think the neighborhood has entered a different tier that will be maintained. Major intersection less than 1/2 mile away is undergoing extensive building development, both residential (condos) and retail on lower levels. And ebb and flow of RE market unimportant if I don't sell. So after getting the archtectural plans, doing some major work with the 100k to set the stage, will do individual projects over the next 3-5 years. Both micro and macro economic forces will determine when I retire with/without this major upgrade. But thinking if I stop saving, I could have about 40-50k to work with each year. Would consider financial options that may come up. Current mortgage is about ~350k at ~2.75% so loathe to refinancing, but it would be that I could refi to get a lot of the projected value to cash out for the project? Or refi after doing some of the major work and pull money out to get a large second wave done/finish? It's something that is fluid in my thinking right now. As I mentioned, a great worry is not getting the architecture firm and going peicemeal and spending a less but with far less ROI in both enjoyment and property value. Another issue is that I have had piss poor luck engaging anyone with anything. I give off strong walk-all-over-me, cheat-me radar. Having a general contractor overseeing all this I think is a major consideration that I need. During the planning process I also hope to be able to control prices. This was just "general costs are about 200-300/sf" guesstimate, and has very little to do with my actual plan, but I won't know what is possible in terms of cost containment until I get going. Everything needs replacing right now. Roof, basement slab, porches, deck, siding, driveway, electric, plumbing, HVAC. Peicemealing that with individual contractors on my own seems like a nightmare that I will get at least two headaches off of if not more. Rukh: i am with MPL on this one. i think it is good money after bad on the house. you'd be better off buying a SECOND home with that money and renting it out. i think you would be dollars ahead. it seems like a "vanity project", if that doesn't seem overly insulting to you. i define "vanity project" as something like buying a boat or an airplane- something that is indulgent, simply because you have the money, rather than having sound investment basis. i try to NEVER do vanity projects. if the project won't pencil out, i won't do it. for the record, my retirement assets are largely tied up in my (illiquid) businesses. you have a much "cleaner" retirement setup than me. congrats for that.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 11:53:09 GMT -5
You had a big range in what the renos could cost. Why such a large difference? Can you do it for $300,000 and be happy with the result? I know I have some projects on my DIY list for when I retire. Partly because of cost savings and partly because of personal interest in doing it. the large range is because it is just a ball park - here a range on what a gut rehab costs per sf - no details or specifics for my job. then I multiplied by my sf. Maybe a polite put up or shut up/don't waste our time if not serious.
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Rukh O'Rorke
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
Posts: 10,041
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 11:54:43 GMT -5
good point about the housing market. Some additional info: currently my house is valued at 609k on redfin. A recent house that was falling apart with years of leaking roof damage had a cheapish gut rehab and is valued at 782k, my lot is at least 50% larger, with side drive. The neighborhood has recently taken on an additional glow with a lot of new shops opening nearby and gut rehabs and while the housing market will of course ebb and flow, I think the neighborhood has entered a different tier that will be maintained. Major intersection less than 1/2 mile away is undergoing extensive building development, both residential (condos) and retail on lower levels. And ebb and flow of RE market unimportant if I don't sell. So after getting the archtectural plans, doing some major work with the 100k to set the stage, will do individual projects over the next 3-5 years. Both micro and macro economic forces will determine when I retire with/without this major upgrade. But thinking if I stop saving, I could have about 40-50k to work with each year. Would consider financial options that may come up. Current mortgage is about ~350k at ~2.75% so loathe to refinancing, but it would be that I could refi to get a lot of the projected value to cash out for the project? Or refi after doing some of the major work and pull money out to get a large second wave done/finish? It's something that is fluid in my thinking right now. As I mentioned, a great worry is not getting the architecture firm and going peicemeal and spending a less but with far less ROI in both enjoyment and property value. Another issue is that I have had piss poor luck engaging anyone with anything. I give off strong walk-all-over-me, cheat-me radar. Having a general contractor overseeing all this I think is a major consideration that I need. During the planning process I also hope to be able to control prices. This was just "general costs are about 200-300/sf" guesstimate, and has very little to do with my actual plan, but I won't know what is possible in terms of cost containment until I get going. Everything needs replacing right now. Roof, basement slab, porches, deck, siding, driveway, electric, plumbing, HVAC. Peicemealing that with individual contractors on my own seems like a nightmare that I will get at least two headaches off of if not more. Rukh: i am with MPL on this one. i think it is good money after bad on the house. you'd be better off buying a SECOND home with that money and renting it out. i think you would be dollars ahead. it seems like a "vanity project", if that doesn't seem overly insulting to you. i define "vanity project" as something like buying a boat or an airplane- something that is indulgent, simply because you have the money, rather than having sound investment basis. i try to NEVER do vanity projects. if the project won't pencil out, i won't do it. for the record, my retirement assets are largely tied up in my (illiquid) businesses. you have a much "cleaner" retirement setup than me. congrats for that. no insult taken, no worries about that. Can you explain what you mean by pencil out?
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 11:55:41 GMT -5
I hate doing home maintenance. Personally, I would sell the place and get a condo and use my money to travel, or buy hookers and blow, or anything that didn't involve home maintenance. But you do you. You can afford the renovations. oh - and what was the end of that dock project? I remember you hating a lot of that. Was it ever finished - and were you happy with it?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 15, 2022 11:58:18 GMT -5
I hate doing home maintenance. Personally, I would sell the place and get a condo and use my money to travel, or buy hookers and blow, or anything that didn't involve home maintenance. But you do you. You can afford the renovations. oh - and what was the end of that dock project? I remember you hating a lot of that. Was it ever finished - and were you happy with it? It is not done. We never found anyone to do it until this year. We ended up firing him because he's incompetent. We have another guy who previously turned us down who is interested. He's got a bigger crew and more equipment now. I'm hoping he does it next year.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Aug 15, 2022 12:13:26 GMT -5
Rukh: i am with MPL on this one. i think it is good money after bad on the house. you'd be better off buying a SECOND home with that money and renting it out. i think you would be dollars ahead. it seems like a "vanity project", if that doesn't seem overly insulting to you. i define "vanity project" as something like buying a boat or an airplane- something that is indulgent, simply because you have the money, rather than having sound investment basis. i try to NEVER do vanity projects. if the project won't pencil out, i won't do it. for the record, my retirement assets are largely tied up in my (illiquid) businesses. you have a much "cleaner" retirement setup than me. congrats for that. no insult taken, no worries about that. Can you explain what you mean by pencil out? Pencil out is to have a good ROI. I repeat. you love this house. I believe these renos will give you a lot of personal fulfillment. What else are you working so hard for? And you have enough investments already that you could do this and semi retire and travel if you want.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 12:35:38 GMT -5
Have you used a personal coach before? Are you sure that you don't have anything else going on, mental health wise that perhaps should be checked out? The loss of mojo, feeling burned out/always feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed, that reminds me of my mom's depression that she's has experienced throughout her life.
Aside from that, there are tapes my mom repeats. Mom's house sounds somewhat like yours, in terms of needing to be fixed up. She's got some really bad settling issues, that may have even affected their cement slab floor. And her house hasn't been updated since circa 1979-1982, except for the roof and heating. I saw the receipts for pretty much most everything when I was helping her clean out papers after dad died. My mom tells me she was always too busy, too stressed, always the care taker and simply just.could.not do anything. And now, look how overwhelmed she is. Not only is the house an issue, but it needs to be decluttered and cleaned.
Yet, there was time for daytrips and vacations. There was time for volunteering and bowling leagues WHILE my dad was still doing well. For the first 5 years of treatment (when he was just on chemo), he pretty much lived normally, mowed their lawn, etc. They could have got new wills, made sure their paperwork for the inevitable was taken care of.
I know my mom was convinced my dad was going to be cured of cancer that was already all over his body...when they diagnosed him....but, I think most of us would say.."Hmmm, I've been given a stage IV diagnosis at 67. I'm not going to live until I'm 87. I should take care of somethings, now." (I mean, good lord, I was like crap, I got cancer, and I could get it again. Maybe I should start doing things so that incase something happens to me, my husband and kids will not be overwhelmed. But, it's not fun. As evidence, I submit my constant complaining about it over on the what are you doing now thread.)
It is not my job to rescue my mother from the consequences of her choices. It is not my job to take over when she has been so abusive to elderly volunteer services that they won't deal with her anymore, referring her to other places that offer mental health resources. When your mom says "I need, it is urgent.." do you react and just do, or do you stop and work through it?
I absolutely cannot trust what my mom says. I wish I could, but I can't. And I'm unwilling to drop everything (work, the kids, taking care of my home, taking care of myself) for someone that tells me things that may have some truth behind them, but mostly of the time it's reality altered to fit emotional narratives. Yes. It makes me look like an asshole, especially to those who don't know.
Boundaries are good.
Thanks gira, that is something to think about it. Not sure if it is paradoxical, but this weekend I did have a lot of resentful, angry, etc. emotions bubbling up about long past events and situations. I am resentful of being a good daughter when I did not have a good mother, I'm resentful that she refuses to consider other options for her living and relies on us. On my mom's side - she told me not to come, she could wait for my brother the next day. I didn't think it should wait overnight. And after tending to it I think that was the right choice. On my side, I caught a headline about long covid today and thought - crap! and wondered if that could be affecting me regarding symptoms I've interpreted as burnout. Could be curnout and lingering covid symptoms..... I have considered maybe checking into some counseling, but I'll put that on the list of professionals I might need to consult with...not sure where it might hang out in the priority queue. I need a general check up and get blood work before considering anything else. So I have drs, dentists, lawyers, architects, lol. Who has time for a job?
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 13:16:22 GMT -5
oh - and what was the end of that dock project? I remember you hating a lot of that. Was it ever finished - and were you happy with it? It is not done. We never found anyone to do it until this year. We ended up firing him because he's incompetent. We have another guy who previously turned us down who is interested. He's got a bigger crew and more equipment now. I'm hoping he does it next year. yikes, sorry to hear that! Hope this time it goes through and goes well! A cautionary tale indeed!
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Aug 15, 2022 13:33:28 GMT -5
Have you used a personal coach before? Are you sure that you don't have anything else going on, mental health wise that perhaps should be checked out? The loss of mojo, feeling burned out/always feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed, that reminds me of my mom's depression that she's has experienced throughout her life.
Aside from that, there are tapes my mom repeats. Mom's house sounds somewhat like yours, in terms of needing to be fixed up. She's got some really bad settling issues, that may have even affected their cement slab floor. And her house hasn't been updated since circa 1979-1982, except for the roof and heating. I saw the receipts for pretty much most everything when I was helping her clean out papers after dad died. My mom tells me she was always too busy, too stressed, always the care taker and simply just.could.not do anything. And now, look how overwhelmed she is. Not only is the house an issue, but it needs to be decluttered and cleaned.
Yet, there was time for daytrips and vacations. There was time for volunteering and bowling leagues WHILE my dad was still doing well. For the first 5 years of treatment (when he was just on chemo), he pretty much lived normally, mowed their lawn, etc. They could have got new wills, made sure their paperwork for the inevitable was taken care of.
I know my mom was convinced my dad was going to be cured of cancer that was already all over his body...when they diagnosed him....but, I think most of us would say.."Hmmm, I've been given a stage IV diagnosis at 67. I'm not going to live until I'm 87. I should take care of somethings, now." (I mean, good lord, I was like crap, I got cancer, and I could get it again. Maybe I should start doing things so that incase something happens to me, my husband and kids will not be overwhelmed. But, it's not fun. As evidence, I submit my constant complaining about it over on the what are you doing now thread.)
It is not my job to rescue my mother from the consequences of her choices. It is not my job to take over when she has been so abusive to elderly volunteer services that they won't deal with her anymore, referring her to other places that offer mental health resources. , I'm resentful that she refuses to consider other options for her living and relies on us. Rukh, Hmmm, like mother like daughter?!?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2022 13:59:43 GMT -5
I have considered maybe checking into some counseling, but I'll put that on the list of professionals I might need to consult with...not sure where it might hang out in the priority queue. I need a general check up and get blood work before considering anything else. So I have drs, dentists, lawyers, architects, lol. Who has time for a job?
Rukh O'Rorke I smiled at your last question. But on a serious note, I’m going to try to boss you around like I would if you were my sister IRL (I’m cool with being your little sister on the webs lol) and tell you to take care of your health first. Forget the house stuff right now, you MUST make time to tend to your health! There’s no point in making all these plans and making it all happen exactly like you envision it, and then not be able to enjoy it because your health is poor in ways that could’ve been prevented. That includes your mental health. Burnout is real, and stress kills. I need all of my YMAM family to stay healthy, I’ve had way more than enough bad news over the last 2 years. Pretty please?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 15, 2022 14:02:32 GMT -5
It is not done. We never found anyone to do it until this year. We ended up firing him because he's incompetent. We have another guy who previously turned us down who is interested. He's got a bigger crew and more equipment now. I'm hoping he does it next year. yikes, sorry to hear that! Hope this time it goes through and goes well! A cautionary tale indeed! we just heard back from him. next spring.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 15, 2022 15:25:46 GMT -5
I'm resentful that she refuses to consider other options for her living and relies on us. Rukh, Hmmm, like mother like daughter?!? I don't even know what this means? I'm not relying on anyone to provide me with anything.
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Aug 15, 2022 16:38:06 GMT -5
Rukh, Hmmm, like mother like daughter?!? I don't even know what this means? I'm not relying on anyone to provide me with anything. Suggesting what might happen when you get older and still in that house
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Aug 16, 2022 18:44:54 GMT -5
I don't even know what this means? I'm not relying on anyone to provide me with anything. Suggesting what might happen when you get older and still in that house Not only do I find that uncalled for, there isn't even any logical connection between remodeling today and venues for elder care needs 40 years from now. As if leaving the kitchen to become dated or downsizing to a smaller house would somehow change that? I don't get it.
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