Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 18:23:42 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me.
Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”.
Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 9, 2023 18:27:54 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me. Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”. Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life. Maybe he is dissing you in hopes of manipulating someone else to take him in?
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 9, 2023 18:40:24 GMT -5
Have you got an online account? You might be able to look it up and pay it. I do not. I do not even know what kind of account you're talking about. I am not from the land of toll roads and that one last summer was my first time dealing with one in maybe a decade.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 9, 2023 18:42:14 GMT -5
(can you tell I'm a tad bit excited to rid myself of the little bastards?)
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 18:49:54 GMT -5
On a lighter note, when I had my 2 big dogs, they got along well, and I’ve told the story about how when my Poodle was sneaking and getting snacks, he would take one to the Bullmastiff, then go get him one. Take her another one, then get him another one.
It can be a mistake to put human emotions on a dog, but I am confident that my dogs were at least friends. When I would board them because I was going out of town, the vet ended up putting them together in one huge run, with my permission, because them being together helped the Poodle be more calm. He acted a fool if they were separated.
Anyway, Boy seems to ADORE Newbie. He doesn’t stay glued to her side all the time, he’ll wander off and do his own thing sometimes. But if they are napping on their sofa or it’s bedtime, he is curled up right next to her, as close as he can get if he’s not draped over her back. He has his own bed, the beds are next to each other and Mister tries to help Newbie by putting Boy on the other bed when he tucks them in, but Boy always goes back to snuggle with Newbie.
Yesterday, Newbie was outside, Boy wasn’t, he doesn’t like being outside as much as Newbie does. Newbie started barking at something and Boy jumped off the sofa and ran to the door. I went and opened it to see what he would do. Newbie was standing on the deck and turned around when she heard the door open. Boy ran to her, they touched noses, and he turned around to come back in the house. It was like he had to go check on her and the nose thing reassured him that she was okay.
He does the same thing when I play with them with the flirt pole outside. I play with them separately, they have to stay inside the fence until it’s their turn. Boy can be all into playing, but if Newbie barks because she wants to come play to, he immediately hits the brakes and runs over to the fence where she is. I guess after he feels like she’s okay, he’ll come back and play some more.
This is my first time witnessing a dog be like that with another dog. I think it’s soooo cute. He really is like a pesky little brother that adores his big sister, but gets on her nerves sometimes. I do intervene and make him leave her alone when he wants to play and she doesn’t. I really hope I’m not misreading the situation, because I do still worry about them fighting one day, which I never really worried about when I had my 2 big dogs before. But for now, I love how she is so patient with him and how attached he is to her.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 18:57:12 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me. Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”. Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life. Maybe he is dissing you in hopes of manipulating someone else to take him in? Who knows. Maybe he just likes to gossip. Whatever the reason, it’s wrong and I don’t like it. He did tell Mister a month or so ago that if they lost the house, Mom can come stay with us and he can go stay with his sister. The sister whose daughter lives with her and is taking care of her because SHE has dementia. Ummmm, no. That is still making your problems other people’s problems, instead of handling your business yourself. There are so many things that are SO much clearer in hindsight, after yesterday and last night.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 9, 2023 19:05:00 GMT -5
Is this the same BIL that lives with mom and dad? Your recent comments make him seem pretty level headed compared to prior stories. Maybe you've also uncovered that he takes better care of their house than dad? Just trying to follow along.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jan 9, 2023 19:49:20 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me. Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”. Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life. WTH?!?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 9, 2023 19:57:26 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, giramomma, for you having to go through that. And as a tween. I know you're still dealing with her.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jan 9, 2023 19:58:25 GMT -5
I agree with you, Pink Cashmere, what Mister's dad is saying is hurtful and wrong in every way. He needs to stop.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 9, 2023 20:13:20 GMT -5
(can you tell I'm a tad bit excited to rid myself of the little bastards?)
What do you do with the sparrows after you trap them? I've never heard a a sparrow trap before.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 20:18:38 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me. Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”. Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life. WTH?!? That’s what I said!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 9, 2023 20:20:04 GMT -5
I agree with you, Pink Cashmere, what Mister's dad is saying is hurtful and wrong in every way. He needs to stop. Yeah that! It's SO wrong, in so many ways. He might find his way back home sooner than expected, if he were staying in my house. Hugs, for all you do and have done.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 9, 2023 20:20:47 GMT -5
(can you tell I'm a tad bit excited to rid myself of the little bastards?)
What do you do with the sparrows after you trap them? I've never heard a a sparrow trap before. Most people would say to just kill them since they're invasive, but I'll probably just relocate them. They are not migratory and if you move them more than a few miles they won't find their way back.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 9, 2023 20:21:12 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me. Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”. Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life. While it probably is not in a small part his personality make sure you file this somewhere in the back of your mind. Cause one sign of dementia and yet another one they don't bother screening for is in order to maintain the narrative that things are fine the person will tell other people huge whoppers about the people trying to help them. They don't or can't admit something is wrong so the only logical conclusion is it's you. I wouldn't be shocked if we found out grandma was saying shit to the home that in part lead to the investigation. She was fine and wanted to go home. Dad put her there so obviously it was a plot. Some of that is 100 percent my grandma she's the queen of gaslighting. It was the level of it that in hindsight we realized was a sign.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 9, 2023 20:25:33 GMT -5
What do you do with the sparrows after you trap them? I've never heard a a sparrow trap before. Most people would say to just kill them since they're invasive, but I'll probably just relocate them. They are not migratory and if you move them more than a few miles they won't find their way back. Thanks for the info. I had no idea. Good luck!
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 20:28:20 GMT -5
So Mister is in an uproar now, because he looked at his Dad’s account when he went to the hospital, and his Dad has been blowing money again. And his Dad got an attitude because Mister said something about how that money was for the bills that are already behind. He told them, your mortgage payments start back on the first of next month, you figure out how to make up the payments you’ve missed, your car note is due on whatever date, and it’s already a month behind, the utility bill at the house is past due, here’s all your medicine, Y’ALL HAVE AT IT, I’M OUT. And he left. I asked if his Mom understands the gravity of the financial situation, he said he doesn’t know, she just kept asking them to stop fussing, but probably not, because his Dad doesn’t seem to understand it. Last week, his Dad asked Mister if the money in Dad’s bank account was his money or Mister’s. He seemed to be under the impression that Mister has been putting money in his account. Mister told him no, that’s your money, from your pension. His Dad said “oh, I better start paying attention to what I’m doing then, huh”. It’s fine to fuck up what he thinks is Mister’s money then? I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. Lord, give me strength! PLEASE!
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 20:35:27 GMT -5
I told Mister and his brother last night that while I don’t mind helping with their parents, but I draw the line at dealing with bodily fluids. That is a very firm line that I already know I have, and somebody is going to have to go somewhere, if it ever comes to that, even if “somebody” is me. Mister’s brother kinda chuckled, but he said “I can understand and respect that”. Dad told Mister’s brother that we are both alcoholics. Who knows who else he’s said that to, since Mister has overheard him on the phone telling somebody how nasty the food is. Mister’s parents don’t drink at all, so I guess if you enjoy adult beverages sometimes, you are an alcoholic. I have to be honest and admit that I am kind of offended by that. Even if it was true, and FTR it’s NOT true, it’s nobody’s business for him to be telling people that. If you feel like something needs to be said about it, say it to us, not somebody else. When you are in somebody’s house because they are trying to help you, you don’t do things like that. That’s how I feel, others may disagree. It reminds me of how my Mom use to, and maybe still does, trash me and lie on me to anybody that would listen. That’s not cool. I don’t like being lied on, that’s a quick way to make me remove or limit your access to me and my life. While it probably is not in a small part his personality make sure you file this somewhere in the back of your mind. Cause one sign of dementia and yet another one they don't bother screening for is in order to maintain the narrative that things are fine the person will tell other people huge whoppers about the people trying to help them. They don't or can't admit something is wrong so the only logical conclusion is it's you. I wouldn't be shocked if we found out grandma was saying shit to the home that in part lead to the investigation. She was fine and wanted to go home. Dad put her there so obviously it was a plot. Some of that is 100 percent my grandma she's the queen of gaslighting. It was the level of it that in hindsight we realized was a sign. Well, when my Mom was throwing me under the bus and lying on me, there was nothing wrong with her mind. She is still in her right mind, thank God. It was her attempt to manipulate people so they would do what she wanted them to do. And I’ve always felt like Mister’s parents were kind of gossipy, so I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t think that has anything to do with dementia either. Plus, Mister’s Dad is the King of deflection, which was one of the things brother had been trying to tellMister about their Dad that Mister finally realized was true was, plus the fact that their Dad throws rocks and hides his hands, and when you call him on it, he plays the victim. Brother has BEEN saying that, but Mister didn’t believe him until recently when he started seeing it for himself.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 9, 2023 20:41:09 GMT -5
My aunt straight up lied about the family vacation in Oct 2021 right in front of me and her son. My family is the height of passive aggressive and avoidance. In deferance to my father I didn't call her out on that bs. She told whoever she was talking to on the phone that we didn't take them to do anything and they just had to eat leftovers that no one brought them food.
The problem was that those of us with cars didn't cater to her all day long. She was taken to do plenty of things. Everything she expressed interest in was covered by someone. But because we didn't wait on her all day long, we were wrong.
Some might disagree but I paid for over half that vacation. I had to take time off work. I had to drive 5 hours to get them and drive 2 more hours to get them on a plane because they couldn't handle a 10 hour road trip anymore. I spent time with my family every day, we had dinner together most nights. I also spent time with just my husband or my husband and brother and I refuse to feel guilty. It was my vacation too. I didn't plan out a vacation just to wait on her all damn day long.
Some old people are plain manipulative and will lie to get what they want. They just don't care.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 20:57:27 GMT -5
My aunt straight up lied about the family vacation in Oct 2021 right in front of me and her son. My family is the height of passive aggressive and avoidance. In deferance to my father I didn't call her out on that bs. She told whoever she was talking to on the phone that we didn't take them to do anything and they just had to eat leftovers that no one brought them food. The problem was that those of us with cars didn't cater to her all day long. She was taken to do plenty of things. Everything she expressed interest in was covered by someone. But because we didn't wait on her all day long, we were wrong. Some might disagree but I paid for over half that vacation. I had to take time off work. I had to drive 5 hours to get them and drive 2 more hours to get them on a plane because they couldn't handle a 10 hour road trip anymore. I spent time with my family every day, we had dinner together most nights. I also spent time with just my husband or my husband and brother and I refuse to feel guilty. It was my vacation too. I didn't plan out a vacation just to wait on her all damn day long. Some old people are plain manipulative and will lie to get what they want. They just don't care. Lord, please don’t let me become one of those type old people. I accepted years ago that I might need my childrens help if I was blessed to live to be a little old lady. But I’ve never wanted them to have to uproot their lives to try to see about me or support me financially. That is one of the things I tried to explain to my Mom, that I can’t let her keep me from trying to see about my future self, when I got to be the age she was at the time. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and I’ve spent my whole adult life trying to prove that I’m not like my Mom. I hope and pray that I don’t become more like her as I get older. That would be like the worst thing ever, in my mind.
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cooper88
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Post by cooper88 on Jan 9, 2023 21:03:16 GMT -5
Some old people are plain manipulative and will lie to get what they want. They just don't care. I would say some people are plain manipulative all their lives. Bye the time they get old, the people that know them best are on to their game and over it.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 9, 2023 21:12:04 GMT -5
My aunt straight up lied about the family vacation in Oct 2021 right in front of me and her son. My family is the height of passive aggressive and avoidance. In deferance to my father I didn't call her out on that bs. She told whoever she was talking to on the phone that we didn't take them to do anything and they just had to eat leftovers that no one brought them food. The problem was that those of us with cars didn't cater to her all day long. She was taken to do plenty of things. Everything she expressed interest in was covered by someone. But because we didn't wait on her all day long, we were wrong. Some might disagree but I paid for over half that vacation. I had to take time off work. I had to drive 5 hours to get them and drive 2 more hours to get them on a plane because they couldn't handle a 10 hour road trip anymore. I spent time with my family every day, we had dinner together most nights. I also spent time with just my husband or my husband and brother and I refuse to feel guilty. It was my vacation too. I didn't plan out a vacation just to wait on her all damn day long. Some old people are plain manipulative and will lie to get what they want. They just don't care. You have no reason to feel guilty about any of that! If anyone should feel guilty, it's your aunt, from the sounds of it. Like Pink said, I really don't want to be one of those people! And I don't want to be a cranky, manipulative old lady, that takes advantage of people. I want to be a nice little old lady, that people enjoy being around. Please let me be one of those!
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 21:46:34 GMT -5
Some old people are plain manipulative and will lie to get what they want. They just don't care. I would say some people are plain manipulative all their lives. Bye the time they get old, the people that know them best are on to their game and over it.
Yes! People that really knew my Mom knew there was probably more to the stories she was telling. And people that didn’t know her as well, quickly learned once she latched on to them and became more and more demanding of them. They would finally think wait a minute, something isn’t quite right with this. And that is why I know what she was telling people. And I would tell them, yep, I sure did move and take all my stuff with me, except the bed I’d given her to sleep on….. is that not what people do when they move, take their stuff with them? And I tell them that the agreement my Mom and I made when she first came to my house meant she should’ve moved out before I even moved, but she refused to do that. I didn’t just up and move out of the blue, I told her when we got serious about buying a house, I told her when we started looking at houses, and I told her when we found a house we wanted to buy. Which was all AFTER she was supposed to have moved out of my house. And most people sell their house when they move to another one, but I didn’t and that’s the only reason she still has a roof over her head, and if that makes me a bad person, I can live with it. So I don’t really GAF about what she’s telling you about how I abandoned her, because she and I both know the truth. So you can do whatever you like with the information you have. I don’t feel good at all about how things played out, because that’s still my Mom and I do love her, but my conscience is clear about the lengths I went to to try to help her, and I don’t feel bad about moving out of my house just like I’d told her I was planning to do before she even came there. If I hadn’t moved, I might have drove my car into the river by now, that’s just how miserable I was, trying to live with her and protect myself from her at the same time. In a recent disagreement with Mister, he let it slip that he accelerated our plans to buy a house to help me get out of that and “save” me. That knocked the wind out of me, because what?! I knew that he just suddenly decided we were going to buy a house NOW, and I was a little surprised that it suddenly became top priority, even though we’d been talking about it for a while. But it had never crossed my mind that it was because he was trying to get me out of my misery of living with my Mom ASAP. I still don’t know how to feel about that, since he’s put it out there. I mean, I love him for trying to please me and make me happy, and I know he was adamant about trying to give me a “forever home”, but idk how I feel about a man rescuing me in that way, because in my mind, I’ve always been an independent woman that can take care of and rescue myself. All the stuff that’s all jumbled up and tumbling around in my head and confusing to me, and all the stuff I deal with and try to sort out regarding other people, it’s no wonder I often feel like I’m some kind of crazy.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 22:00:49 GMT -5
My aunt straight up lied about the family vacation in Oct 2021 right in front of me and her son. My family is the height of passive aggressive and avoidance. In deferance to my father I didn't call her out on that bs. She told whoever she was talking to on the phone that we didn't take them to do anything and they just had to eat leftovers that no one brought them food. The problem was that those of us with cars didn't cater to her all day long. She was taken to do plenty of things. Everything she expressed interest in was covered by someone. But because we didn't wait on her all day long, we were wrong. Some might disagree but I paid for over half that vacation. I had to take time off work. I had to drive 5 hours to get them and drive 2 more hours to get them on a plane because they couldn't handle a 10 hour road trip anymore. I spent time with my family every day, we had dinner together most nights. I also spent time with just my husband or my husband and brother and I refuse to feel guilty. It was my vacation too. I didn't plan out a vacation just to wait on her all damn day long. Some old people are plain manipulative and will lie to get what they want. They just don't care. It's not just old folks - there are a crap ton of manipulative lying a-holes who aren't close to be old
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Deleted
Joined: Sept 25, 2024 4:16:25 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 22:06:52 GMT -5
I would say some people are plain manipulative all their lives. Bye the time they get old, the people that know them best are on to their game and over it.
Yes! People that really knew my Mom knew there was probably more to the stories she was telling. And people that didn’t know her as well, quickly learned once she latched on to them and became more and more demanding of them. They would finally think wait a minute, something isn’t quite right with this. And that is why I know what she was telling people. And I would tell them, yep, I sure did move and take all my stuff with me, except the bed I’d given her to sleep on….. is that not what people do when they move, take their stuff with them? And I tell them that the agreement my Mom and I made when she first came to my house meant she should’ve moved out before I even moved, but she refused to do that. I didn’t just up and move out of the blue, I told her when we got serious about buying a house, I told her when we started looking at houses, and I told her when we found a house we wanted to buy. Which was all AFTER she was supposed to have moved out of my house. And most people sell their house when they move to another one, but I didn’t and that’s the only reason she still has a roof over her head, and if that makes me a bad person, I can live with it. So I don’t really GAF about what she’s telling you about how I abandoned her, because she and I both know the truth. So you can do whatever you like with the information you have. I don’t feel good at all about how things played out, because that’s still my Mom and I do love her, but my conscience is clear about the lengths I went to to try to help her, and I don’t feel bad about moving out of my house just like I’d told her I was planning to do before she even came there. If I hadn’t moved, I might have drove my car into the river by now, that’s just how miserable I was, trying to live with her and protect myself from her at the same time. In a recent disagreement with Mister, he let it slip that he accelerated our plans to buy a house to help me get out of that and “save” me. That knocked the wind out of me, because what?! I knew that he just suddenly decided we were going to buy a house NOW, and I was a little surprised that it suddenly became top priority, even though we’d been talking about it for a while. But it had never crossed my mind that it was because he was trying to get me out of my misery of living with my Mom ASAP. I still don’t know how to feel about that, since he’s put it out there. I mean, I love him for trying to please me and make me happy, and I know he was adamant about trying to give me a “forever home”, but idk how I feel about a man rescuing me in that way, because in my mind, I’ve always been an independent woman that can take care of and rescue myself. All the stuff that’s all jumbled up and tumbling around in my head and confusing to me, and all the stuff I deal with and try to sort out regarding other people, it’s no wonder I often feel like I’m some kind of crazy. It's hard for those of us who are proud of our independent strengths not to be fearful when someone does us a good, because maybe we worry that they think we are weak and needy. That's been a big problem in my relationship with DH who, although he is an a-hole in some serious ways, also tried to do good things for me even when I couldn't see it. You're not crazy, you're just like all the rest of us here, trying to figure stuff out, inside of us stuff and outside of us stuff
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 9, 2023 22:13:06 GMT -5
I would say some people are plain manipulative all their lives. Bye the time they get old, the people that know them best are on to their game and over it.
Yes! People that really knew my Mom knew there was probably more to the stories she was telling. And people that didn’t know her as well, quickly learned once she latched on to them and became more and more demanding of them. They would finally think wait a minute, something isn’t quite right with this. And that is why I know what she was telling people. And I would tell them, yep, I sure did move and take all my stuff with me, except the bed I’d given her to sleep on….. is that not what people do when they move, take their stuff with them? And I tell them that the agreement my Mom and I made when she first came to my house meant she should’ve moved out before I even moved, but she refused to do that. I didn’t just up and move out of the blue, I told her when we got serious about buying a house, I told her when we started looking at houses, and I told her when we found a house we wanted to buy. Which was all AFTER she was supposed to have moved out of my house. And most people sell their house when they move to another one, but I didn’t and that’s the only reason she still has a roof over her head, and if that makes me a bad person, I can live with it. So I don’t really GAF about what she’s telling you about how I abandoned her, because she and I both know the truth. So you can do whatever you like with the information you have. I don’t feel good at all about how things played out, because that’s still my Mom and I do love her, but my conscience is clear about the lengths I went to to try to help her, and I don’t feel bad about moving out of my house just like I’d told her I was planning to do before she even came there. If I hadn’t moved, I might have drove my car into the river by now, that’s just how miserable I was, trying to live with her and protect myself from her at the same time. In a recent disagreement with Mister, he let it slip that he accelerated our plans to buy a house to help me get out of that and “save” me. That knocked the wind out of me, because what?! I knew that he just suddenly decided we were going to buy a house NOW, and I was a little surprised that it suddenly became top priority, even though we’d been talking about it for a while. But it had never crossed my mind that it was because he was trying to get me out of my misery of living with my Mom ASAP.
I still don’t know how to feel about that, since he’s put it out there. I mean, I love him for trying to please me and make me happy, and I know he was adamant about trying to give me a “forever home”, but idk how I feel about a man rescuing me in that way, because in my mind, I’ve always been an independent woman that can take care of and rescue myself.All the stuff that’s all jumbled up and tumbling around in my head and confusing to me, and all the stuff I deal with and try to sort out regarding other people, it’s no wonder I often feel like I’m some kind of crazy. Try to feel good or neutral about it. He saw you suffering, did not enjoy watching it and wanted to do something to stop it ASAP. Yeah, he may want to call it saving you, but I'd look at it a little different. He loved you and wanted a happier you sooner than later.
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Pink Cashmere
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Joined: Sept 24, 2022 16:18:40 GMT -5
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 22:14:55 GMT -5
Mister’s Mom just called him and asked him about which medicines his Dad is supposed to take, when. He told her, I had him on schedule to take his meds at 8am and 8pm. I brought y’all all the medicine containers, like you wanted me to, the information is on the containers about which ones he takes once a day and which ones he takes twice a day. Look at the containers to see how he and when he is supposed to take them.
Idk how long it will last, but for right now, Mister seems to be done, DONE. And I can’t say that I blame him.
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Deleted
Joined: Sept 25, 2024 4:16:25 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 22:16:04 GMT -5
Okay, I survived the 1st meeting of my new term as director on our civic club board. It only went 2 hours which was nice as I needed 3 cough drops and 3 bottles of water to make it through. The newbies, albeit elected from a highly oppositional slate, asked good questions and listened to the answers. We had one Covid-positive director who sat about 6 feet away with a mask. I'm on 1 standing committee and one short-term project committee so I'm happy.
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Pink Cashmere
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Joined: Sept 24, 2022 16:18:40 GMT -5
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 22:16:09 GMT -5
Yes! People that really knew my Mom knew there was probably more to the stories she was telling. And people that didn’t know her as well, quickly learned once she latched on to them and became more and more demanding of them. They would finally think wait a minute, something isn’t quite right with this. And that is why I know what she was telling people. And I would tell them, yep, I sure did move and take all my stuff with me, except the bed I’d given her to sleep on….. is that not what people do when they move, take their stuff with them? And I tell them that the agreement my Mom and I made when she first came to my house meant she should’ve moved out before I even moved, but she refused to do that. I didn’t just up and move out of the blue, I told her when we got serious about buying a house, I told her when we started looking at houses, and I told her when we found a house we wanted to buy. Which was all AFTER she was supposed to have moved out of my house. And most people sell their house when they move to another one, but I didn’t and that’s the only reason she still has a roof over her head, and if that makes me a bad person, I can live with it. So I don’t really GAF about what she’s telling you about how I abandoned her, because she and I both know the truth. So you can do whatever you like with the information you have. I don’t feel good at all about how things played out, because that’s still my Mom and I do love her, but my conscience is clear about the lengths I went to to try to help her, and I don’t feel bad about moving out of my house just like I’d told her I was planning to do before she even came there. If I hadn’t moved, I might have drove my car into the river by now, that’s just how miserable I was, trying to live with her and protect myself from her at the same time. In a recent disagreement with Mister, he let it slip that he accelerated our plans to buy a house to help me get out of that and “save” me. That knocked the wind out of me, because what?! I knew that he just suddenly decided we were going to buy a house NOW, and I was a little surprised that it suddenly became top priority, even though we’d been talking about it for a while. But it had never crossed my mind that it was because he was trying to get me out of my misery of living with my Mom ASAP. I still don’t know how to feel about that, since he’s put it out there. I mean, I love him for trying to please me and make me happy, and I know he was adamant about trying to give me a “forever home”, but idk how I feel about a man rescuing me in that way, because in my mind, I’ve always been an independent woman that can take care of and rescue myself. All the stuff that’s all jumbled up and tumbling around in my head and confusing to me, and all the stuff I deal with and try to sort out regarding other people, it’s no wonder I often feel like I’m some kind of crazy. It's hard for those of us who are proud of our independent strengths not to be fearful when someone does us a good, because maybe we worry that they think we are weak and needy. That's been a big problem in my relationship with DH who, although he is an a-hole in some serious ways, also tried to do good things for me even when I couldn't see it. You're not crazy, you're just like all the rest of us here, trying to figure stuff out, inside of us stuff and outside of us stuff
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 9, 2023 22:18:54 GMT -5
I don't know if my MIL realized she was lying or not, I don't think so as she had dementia than. But I found out from some of the caregivers how much she hated me. I brought her clothing, took care of finances, took care of all the paperwork. Hubs did her meds, but it was all my fault she was there. She told them she had told hubs to never marry me, I asked hubs, he said no she had never said anything like that. I still wonder. Her and her sister both I wanted her out, because I wanted her house ? The poor thing didn't even realize hubs and his brother owned it and had for I suppose 15 years or more, we didn't either. We initially thought we would have to sell it to help pay her bills till I got VA for her. We tried to get her to accept help, both of them, so we could keep them in their homes, no way in hell. One lived in the house in front, the other in a mobile behind. We left it empty after cleaning it out for a year or two, maybe more than that to see what would happen. And hubs bought the trailer so his cousin could use the money to help pay for his mom, he paid about double what it was worth to help. As hubs said no way could they ever move back, so he bought out his brothers half of it and his grandma's. He spent thousands fixing it up and did all the work so it could be rented. It had had nothing done inside since we had been married, the same old carpet even. Yep, and her story was I wanted it. This is the kind of stuff you will go through when their minds start to go. I hope it happens to noone on here or us.
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