chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jan 9, 2023 13:30:41 GMT -5
I'm over adulting today as well, especially when I hit the wall on trying to get my expense report submitted b/c my flight is still showing as a pending charge, I lost one receipt when I deleted the wrong electronic one, and I didn't actually get issued one for the electronic toll on the PA turnpike. but, I've been productive in other ways. I jumped in with a group of friends to book an excursion to tour/play in a waterfall in the Dominican Republic, and my cabinmates and I discussed a theme night and our costumes - dress as a sitcom character. I just bought a funky black wig with tinsel mixed in, and a pair of black and white striped leggings (that I will absolutely wear again) to go with a few things out of my own closet in order to dress as Moira Rose from Schitt's Creek. I can't wait lol... Pay-by-Plate in PA takes about 40ish days to be mailed. Unless you have an EZ-Pass in your state already then that bish is paid. oh, it's definitely been paid. the car was rented on my corporate card, but the stupid expense report app wants a receipt for the toll. I don't have one?! I opened a help ticket, I don't have the patience for this shit.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 13:51:05 GMT -5
I went to bed early tonight, before 7pm. I was back out the bed a little after 8pm, because there was some confusion. Mister’s brother was here, when I went up front, he had excused himself to go sit in the garage while Mister and their Dad talked. Mister’s Dad did something today against Mister’s advice and made a big mess of things. And apparently him and Mom have decided to solve the issue of him not being able to function without her, by him just staying at the hospital. Indefinitely I guess. Not to spend time together, but so she can be the one to make sure he takes his medicine and monitor him and tell him what to do and when, like she’s always done. And I guess so he can go to the vending machine and come back with all kinds of cookies and cupcakes and potato chips for them both to eat, even though they both have diabetes and high blood pressure, like he did yesterday before Mister left the hospital. Never mind that she is in the hospital for a reason, and has her own problems, that’s what they want. Because Mister is mistreating him by trying to have some structure for his Dad, keep him from spending money he doesn’t have when his bills are already behind, and feed him heart healthy food. Mister told his Mom she’s in no position to try to babysit his Dad just because he doesn’t want to think or figure anything out for himself. Keep in mind everybody has realized that that’s a large part of the problem, Mister’s brother said it tonight. When he got tired of Mister reminding him to take his medicine and him having to go in the kitchen and get it himself, he told Mister that Mom use to just bring him his medicine whenever it was time for him to take it. Mister told him “well Mom isn’t here”. Anyway, Mister’s Mom’s response to him was that’s her husband and “you would do the same thing for Pink”. BUT Mister has not spoiled me to the point that I just wait for him to tell me what to do, nor would I want him to. Their relationship is starting to look weird to me. And Dad said he doesn’t want anybody coming in to help him. Good grief! Doesn't the hospital have a cafeteria where he could get healthier food? He can't live on cookies, cupcakes and chips. I’m sure there’s a cafeteria. They both like sweets and we have been depriving Mister’s Dad of sweets and snacks like potato chips. We don’t have any in the house, and I doubt the hospital is serving his Mom a bunch of sweets and junk food. So I guess they decided to make up for lost time, idk.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 13:54:08 GMT -5
That is weird Pink. I wonder if his mom started bringing her husband meds because she did not want to nag him and just wanted it done. It does look like she's enabled him to be a selfish adult who acts more like an entitled child. Doesn't know how to do laundry, dishes, take his meds or even feed himself well. Did Mister tell her you were capable of taking your own meds by yourself if needed, or was he too in shock to say anything? I am confused by your last question. If you meant to ask Mister if he told his Dad that, Mister told him “Well Mom isn’t here”. and left it at that.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jan 9, 2023 13:55:32 GMT -5
Here's your daily dose of truth. Have a good week Everyone!!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 9, 2023 13:58:00 GMT -5
Yeah we don't need a receipt for anything under $75. But they love to ask for the toll receipts anyway. I may have told them one time to Google the cost of I-95 from Baltimore to Philadelphia.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 9, 2023 14:08:51 GMT -5
The toll talk reminds me. They never hunted me down for the tolls I ran through in IL last summer on vacation. I heard eventually something would come in the mail, but I would think after 7 months I'm in the clear?
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jan 9, 2023 14:11:13 GMT -5
Pay-by-Plate in PA takes about 40ish days to be mailed. Unless you have an EZ-Pass in your state already then that bish is paid. oh, it's definitely been paid. the car was rented on my corporate card, but the stupid expense report app wants a receipt for the toll. I don't have one?! I opened a help ticket, I don't have the patience for this shit. I gave up trying to be reimbursed for tolls. It's not worth the hassle.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jan 9, 2023 14:14:45 GMT -5
oh, it's definitely been paid. the car was rented on my corporate card, but the stupid expense report app wants a receipt for the toll. I don't have one?! I opened a help ticket, I don't have the patience for this shit. I gave up trying to be reimbursed for tolls. It's not worth the hassle. I have no way to pay the corporate card that's in my name, and the toll got charged to the card on file for the rental car. I got an answer back from the help ticket. there's some memo template I can use that basically says "to the best of my knowledge, this charge follows the guidelines for corporate spending...blah....blah....blah" so I'm all set. well, once AA posts the airfare charge. that's a strange hangup, IMHO.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jan 9, 2023 14:42:33 GMT -5
The toll talk reminds me. They never hunted me down for the tolls I ran through in IL last summer on vacation. I heard eventually something would come in the mail, but I would think after 7 months I'm in the clear? If you mean the toll booth between IL & WI, I know where you're talking about. I tried to pay, but the booths were unmanned, and there was no other obvious way to pay. I tried...
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 9, 2023 15:04:25 GMT -5
The toll talk reminds me. They never hunted me down for the tolls I ran through in IL last summer on vacation. I heard eventually something would come in the mail, but I would think after 7 months I'm in the clear? If you mean the toll booth between IL & WI, I know where you're talking about. I tried to pay, but the booths were unmanned, and there was no other obvious way to pay. I tried... Yep! That's the one!
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 15:06:46 GMT -5
I went to bed early tonight, before 7pm. I was back out the bed a little after 8pm, because there was some confusion. Mister’s brother was here, when I went up front, he had excused himself to go sit in the garage while Mister and their Dad talked. Mister’s Dad did something today against Mister’s advice and made a big mess of things. And apparently him and Mom have decided to solve the issue of him not being able to function without her, by him just staying at the hospital. Indefinitely I guess. Not to spend time together, but so she can be the one to make sure he takes his medicine and monitor him and tell him what to do and when, like she’s always done. And I guess so he can go to the vending machine and come back with all kinds of cookies and cupcakes and potato chips for them both to eat, even though they both have diabetes and high blood pressure, like he did yesterday before Mister left the hospital. Never mind that she is in the hospital for a reason, and has her own problems, that’s what they want. Because Mister is mistreating him by trying to have some structure for his Dad, keep him from spending money he doesn’t have when his bills are already behind, and feed him heart healthy food. Mister told his Mom she’s in no position to try to babysit his Dad just because he doesn’t want to think or figure anything out for himself. Keep in mind everybody has realized that that’s a large part of the problem, Mister’s brother said it tonight. When he got tired of Mister reminding him to take his medicine and him having to go in the kitchen and get it himself, he told Mister that Mom use to just bring him his medicine whenever it was time for him to take it. Mister told him “well Mom isn’t here”. Anyway, Mister’s Mom’s response to him was that’s her husband and “you would do the same thing for Pink”. BUT Mister has not spoiled me to the point that I just wait for him to tell me what to do, nor would I want him to. Their relationship is starting to look weird to me.
And Dad said he doesn’t want anybody coming in to help him. Good grief! Have you heard the terms weaponized helplessness or learned helplessness? Look it up it will be quite informative for you going forward. Their dynamic actually is not that uncommon given their ages. There is a reason men in that age group tend to either go quickly after their spouses or hurry up and remarry. Their wives were basically their mothers. The women took care of EVERYTHING outside of working from home and possibly the money. When the wives are no longer capable for one reason or another the husbands turn around and can't do anything. It's co-dependency. You and mister are not going to be able to untangle it. They are settled in their ways and it something you will have to make peace with for your own sanity. That's one thing I am very grateful for my grandmother over. She made my sure my dad could be an independent adult. It is the same with his diet. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink. Unless mister is going to be around his dad 24/7 you can't control what he puts in his mouth. That is also something Mister will unfortunately have to make peace with. It really fucking sucks to watch people self-destruct. It's especially painful when you are aware that it is you who will bare responsibility and be expected to shoulder the consequences when they do finally succeed in their mission to implode. But that's how the world works unfortunately. In regards to the hospital that may be their plan but if the hospital feels that him being there is interfering with her recovery/care they will tell him to leave. Let the hospital take the reins on that one because it sounds like it will only cause more stress if Mister gets involved. Coming from the hospital will have more oompf because they are an authority figure. Mister is just their kid which makes it easy to dismiss what he says if it is not what they want to hear. Stupid and frustrating but I learned that's just how it works with old people. Learning to leverage their respect for authority comes in handy sometimes. Otherwise my dad pretty much lived at the hospital with my mom it was not a big deal. As the spouse he had the right to stay all night if he wanted so long as it wasn't disruptive. They weren't under COVID protocols at the time though so I am not sure what the rules are if that is in effect. I’ve heard of learned helplessness, but not weaponized helplessness. I’ll look into both. Thank you. I said to Mister last night that I don’t know a lot about it, but it looks like they might have some co-dependency going on. Funny you mentioned that. I asked him does his Mom not get irritated with his Dad when he is there, he said yes. She was irritated with him Saturday. I told him, if the nurses start noticing that she is more irritable or whatever when he is there, the hospital might make him leave. So I’d already thought about that too. But it is good for me to read what you all think, because it makes me feel like I’m not way out in left field somewhere with my own thoughts. Yesterday and last night made a lot of stuff make sense to me, going all the way back to the issues Mister had with his parents earlier in our relationship, and how they were with him before I even met him. Mister said himself last night that these past 9 years have been very eye opening for him, as far as learning about and dealing with himself, his parents, his children, and just life. There’s always been something niggling in the back of my mind about his Mom, but I never really tried to figure it out because it really was none of my business. But I felt like it was confirmed that something was “off“ when she got really upset with Mister when we scheduled a trip out of town on what happened to be Mother’s Day weekend. It wasn’t on purpose, that just happened to be the week I’d scheduled for vacation that January, I didn’t even realize it was Mother’s Day weekend. Then she got upset with him one year because we were out of town on her birthday. Again, not on purpose, that was just the week I’d scheduled a vacation, and we took the kids on a trip to the mountains. There were some other things she got really upset about that Mister didn’t do “right” to celebrate her. So I finally asked Mister if when he and his brother were married his Mom still expected them to spend all holidays with her. Yep. I asked him if he’d never thought it was weird that she was still supposed to be the center of attention even when they had wives, because even the Bible says something how that’s supposed to work. His parents are very “religious”, so if I know what the Bible says about that, surely they do too. Mister’s brother said last night that he realized several years ago that their Dad just waits for their Mom to tell him what to do, like he doesn’t have his own brain, but Mister couldn’t see it. And I know for a fact that Mister has realized over the last few months that his brother was telling the truth about some other things his brother had been trying to tell him about their Dad. Mister always thought his brother was just making excuses to make their Dad the bad guy because brother and Dad kept butting heads, but even before all this happened, Mister admitted that he started to see that his brother was telling the truth all along. Mom has always covered for Dad, so the kids didn’t know how he really was, when Dad messed up and was gon be in trouble with Mom, Mister or his brother would fix it if they could, so Mom wouldn’t know Dad had dropped the ball somewhere. They’ve all been covering for him and keeping stuff he does away from each other, and Dad just kept doing what he was doing. I told Mister and his brother last night that in my uneducated opinion, they both need to stop covering for him, because that’s part of what created this monster, they were thinking for him too, and fixing his messes for him. Mister can’t understand why, after having filed BK at least twice and refinancing the house at least twice, his Dad still keeps digging holes financially. He just refinanced the house again earlier this year and his bills were already behind again a few months later. I told Mister it’s because he hasn’t HAD to change. Mom always kept a stash and would bail him out. Mister’s brother use to have a lot of money, and would give his Dad money. And over the last few years, as his income has increased, Mister has been giving his Dad money and paying for stuff. Within the last 3 years, Mister has bought them a washing machine and a dishwasher, in addition to whatever money he’s given him. Why would he learn to manage his money better? So they have unknowingly played a part in this too, because they didn’t have the full picture. It’s like layers have been slowly peeled away, and the pace accelerated last year, and the truth is finally being exposed. And it’s a big mess.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 9, 2023 15:29:32 GMT -5
So they have unknowingly played a part in this too, because they didn’t have the full picture. It’s like layers have been slowly peeled away, and the pace accelerated last year, and the truth is finally being exposed. And it’s a big mess. Yep. I cannot say this has entirely been a bad thing because it is putting puzzle pieces into place I wasn't aware of. Having the full picture, as much as anyone can, allows me to also explore my own dysfunction and "let go" of stuff finally because now I know why things were/are the way they were/are. Generational trauma sure is an eye opener. Knowing that now I am better able to extend my parents and even my grandmother grace. I give my parents credit where it is due for breaking the cycle where they could given they had limited tools for doing so. However I need to take it even further. I'm in therapy and I finally insisted that DH go to marital counseling with me too. It's not enough to just fix myself I need to fix our marriage as well.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 9, 2023 15:47:36 GMT -5
Reading all your posts scares me to death! My parents are both gone, so that's not the issue. But I'm scared to death of becoming a problem parent to either, or both of my children. Ugh. IMO we are all going to become a "burden" at some point given extending life spans, the ever increasing cases of dementia and the way our retirement/elder care system is set up in this country. What you can do is accept you are getting/will be old and start taking care of things BEFORE you get past the point of no return. Nobody is going to be able to perfectly plan their way into/out of this system it is impossible. But it is possible to be less stupid/selfish/stubborn than my grandmother and GU have been. Designate people to be your POA, write down your wishes, get yourself set up for online bill pay and other things and if you already are write down passwords. Put people on bank accounts or utilities and make sure that whoever will be in charge of you medically already has permission to access your medical records and discuss your care. Put all important paperwork in ONE location so they don't have to tear the house apart looking for it. Freaking accept you (general you) are getting old and be open to discussing alternative living arrangements. Look into what is available in your area. Spend the money to see someone to make sure all your assets are set up properly and that you know elder care law in your state. And the big thing don't be a freaking asshole whose ENTIRE retirement plan was making your only son take care of you forever along with your codependent brother! And review shit too while you can! What may have been suitable when you started may not work now. My grandmother had GU listed on everything and vice versa. It was an absolute nightmare for my dad to get that all untangled. My DAD should have been on everything the moment my grandfather died. But NOOOOO. My grandfather was still on all the utilities! Which you would think is not a big deal but then your son has to shut them all off to sell the house. He said most were all right with it but a couple were real aholes to the point where he was going to send a shovel and say here dig him up and talk to him. While I would not be a happy camper my life would have been so much easier if grandma had listened before all this. She still would have ran out of money, we still would have had to take charge with her dementia but not like this. So much agency was taken away by her refusal to accept change. 100% agreed. I have talked to my daughters a few times already and have done some paperwork. But my mom had Alzheimers, so I've seen a lot of what that can do. It's the going from a nice quiet person, to a totally different person with dementia that scares me. Years ago, I had an experience brought on by stress, that I couldn't think clearly, that scared me to death. I never want to go there again.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 9, 2023 15:49:59 GMT -5
I can't quote well, Pink Cashmere. My mom is the same at Mr's mom. But, it wasn't just mother's day and traditional holidays. I was supposed to re-arrange my schedule to recognize the anniversary of my parent's first date. The time I didn't, my mom stopped talking to me until I threw up from binge drinking. I wasn't even married then. My mom spouted the bible when it came to DH leaving and cleaving. She was also very clear that it only applied to DH. Not to me. The only rules that applied to our family is the rules that my mom set forth.
It also could be that Mr's dad learned his lesson with his wife, that the easiest path was compliance. My dad was the same way. That's how I came to believe that all men were stupid and couldn't possibly manage to amount to anything. When every argument from a spoon being put back in the wrong slot in the spoon drawer to not getting the roof fixed on a timely basis ends up with my dad just saying "Your right, I'm wrong" to shut my mom up...what else was I supposed to think Dad never circled around to set me straight after the fact.
My dad never stood up for himself. It was clear that my dad was visibly uncomfortable with some of my mom's behaviors. I was a tween, and my mom decided it was appropriate to show me playboys/play girls and then both she and dad were supposed to provide commentary on every person in the magazines..what they felt was sexually attractive to each of them, what was normal, in terms of male girth and length, breast size, etc. It's probably the ONLY time I saw my dad squirm, literally. Today, that could be considered on the cusp of sexual abuse. And my dad was so controlled from my mom that he felt powerless to stop it. I can't even imagine how either mom my or dad thought that was remotely a good idea.
There was a time, apparently, that Dad asked mom not to "go there." Dad asked my mom to stay out of things with his side of the family. My mom ignored dad, and alienated folks, because she knows what's best. It wasn't until I stopped talking to my parents that I understood that my dad actually was smart and capable. I think it takes that level of separation, over a good long time to understand the dysfunction of it all.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jan 9, 2023 16:04:47 GMT -5
I can't quote well, Pink Cashmere . My mom is the same at Mr's mom. But, it wasn't just mother's day and traditional holidays. I was supposed to re-arrange my schedule to recognize the anniversary of my parent's first date. The time I didn't, my mom stopped talking to me until I threw up from binge drinking. I wasn't even married then. My mom spouted the bible when it came to DH leaving and cleaving. She was also very clear that it only applied to DH. Not to me. The only rules that applied to our family is the rules that my mom set forth.
It also could be that Mr's dad learned his lesson with his wife, that the easiest path was compliance. My dad was the same way. That's how I came to believe that all men were stupid and couldn't possibly manage to amount to anything. When every argument from a spoon being put back in the wrong slot in the spoon drawer to not getting the roof fixed on a timely basis ends up with my dad just saying "Your right, I'm wrong" to shut my mom up...what else was I supposed to think Dad never circled around to set me straight after the fact.
My dad never stood up for himself. It was clear that my dad was visibly uncomfortable with some of my mom's behaviors. I was a tween, and my mom decided it was appropriate to show me playboys/play girls and then both she and dad were supposed to provide commentary on every person in the magazines..what they felt was sexually attractive to each of them, what was normal, in terms of male girth and length, breast size, etc. It's probably the ONLY time I saw my dad squirm, literally. Today, that could be considered on the cusp of sexual abuse. And my dad was so controlled from my mom that he felt powerless to stop it. I can't even imagine how either mom my or dad thought that was remotely a good idea.
There was a time, apparently, that Dad asked mom not to "go there." Dad asked my mom to stay out of things with his side of the family. My mom ignored dad, and alienated folks, because she knows what's best. It wasn't until I stopped talking to my parents that I understood that my dad actually was smart and capable. I think it takes that level of separation, over a good long time to understand the dysfunction of it all.
Um, that's not on the cusp. That is sexual abuse.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 16:10:11 GMT -5
giramomma I'm sorry Thank you for sharing a horrible part of your journey that helps me understand what you are dealing with today with your mom
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jan 9, 2023 16:38:54 GMT -5
If you mean the toll booth between IL & WI, I know where you're talking about. I tried to pay, but the booths were unmanned, and there was no other obvious way to pay. I tried... Yep! That's the one! That one has been a problem since Covid hit. I'm not sure when they'll start restaffing the booths again. Or, maybe they already are?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 16:44:18 GMT -5
Fixed breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the artificial plants in DH's bathroom (yes, that dusty), tried to call local appraisal district and got message to call when hell freezes over because they have "an unusually high call volume", made sense of the new $40/per quarter/per person OTC benefit on our insurance. Tomorrow we'll go through the catalog and make a list of anything we might possibly use like antibiotic cream, bandages, rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, anti-diarrheal stuff, Pepto ? Seems silly not to use it but we just don't get much OTC. We already re-stocked cough drops this week because of allergies. Tomorrow I'll make an Aldi run with a short list and work on THE BOOK. Today, I only completed 2 chapters done in 45 minutes because one of them required some research to find the correct spelling for an operatic aria Placido Domingo performed at the Lincoln Center.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2023 16:58:26 GMT -5
I just got back from that lecture from the McGill Office for Science. The one about urine. It was really interesting. Back in the late 1600s, they believed urine contained gold because it was yellow. One alchemist boiled down a huge vat of urine and figured there would be gold left. The resuting sludge did not contain gold, but it did giow in the dark. He had discovered phosphorus, so matches and bombs were born. Indigo, the dye is made from yellow flowers. When combined with pee, it turns dark blue. There were vast fields of indigo flowers planted in India, but also in the US. Slaves were needed to pick the flowers, because there was a demand for Levi Strauss blue jeans. (1873). Interesting facts like that.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2023 17:09:41 GMT -5
I'm over adulting today as well, especially when I hit the wall on trying to get my expense report submitted b/c my flight is still showing as a pending charge, I lost one receipt when I deleted the wrong electronic one, and I didn't actually get issued one for the electronic toll on the PA turnpike. but, I've been productive in other ways. I jumped in with a group of friends to book an excursion to tour/play in a waterfall in the Dominican Republic, and my cabinmates and I discussed a theme night and our costumes - dress as a sitcom character. I just bought a funky black wig with tinsel mixed in, and a pair of black and white striped leggings (that I will absolutely wear again) to go with a few things out of my own closet in order to dress as Moira Rose from Schitt's Creek. I can't wait lol... Moira from Schitt's Creek. At first, I didn't know who you were talking about. Sounds like a lot of fun.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2023 17:17:16 GMT -5
It is the NURSING HOME side that is a shit show and has been from day one. They aren't about caring for old people anymore they are about profit and that is a HUGE problem with a system whose services are critical to the population. And there are shit shows even if you are private pay. The idea that being private pay will protect you from ending up in a shit hole is a myth. There are also no assurances that after it is bought out, which it will be, by an out of state/out of country corporation it won't proceed to become a shit show. And even WITH money if you are already in a home it is damn near impossible to get yourself out or be moved to a different one.
Services like healthcare and nursing homes should never be for profit! Our government, public nursing homes are pretty good, and the one I worked in was excellent. Not a single bedsore, and decent food and activities. Here, it's the private, for profit homes you have to watch out for.....they penny pinch to the point that the residents are not well-cared for. What a difference in countries.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 9, 2023 17:24:24 GMT -5
We got toll charges for almost a year after hubs went to NY. I think they are all finally paid.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 9, 2023 17:32:41 GMT -5
Um, that's not on the cusp. That is sexual abuse. I can tell myself lies just as easily as the next person. Thankfully, it only happened once.
I did have some conversations with my mom that I shouldn't have though. They register more like ewww. One of the conversations, though, was the pushing point for me to start therapy.
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Deleted
Joined: Sept 25, 2024 2:23:01 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 17:34:52 GMT -5
It is the NURSING HOME side that is a shit show and has been from day one. They aren't about caring for old people anymore they are about profit and that is a HUGE problem with a system whose services are critical to the population. And there are shit shows even if you are private pay. The idea that being private pay will protect you from ending up in a shit hole is a myth. There are also no assurances that after it is bought out, which it will be, by an out of state/out of country corporation it won't proceed to become a shit show. And even WITH money if you are already in a home it is damn near impossible to get yourself out or be moved to a different one.Services like healthcare and nursing homes should never be for profit! Our government, public nursing homes are pretty good, and the one I worked in was excellent. Not a single bedsore, and decent food and activities. Here, it's the private, for profit homes you have to watch out for.....they penny pinch to the point that the residents are not well-cared for. What a difference in countries. I see a disparity between countries in how much people are willing to pay in taxes to support senior care versus how much senior care they want funded by taxes. Here in America, if I advocate for taxpayer funded aid programs, I'm called a pinko liberal socialist and much worse, usually by the same people who brag of shielding their assets in order to access those taxpayer funded aid programs. I think there will be a reckoning here at some point and it won't be pretty
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Pink Cashmere
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 24, 2022 16:18:40 GMT -5
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 9, 2023 17:40:54 GMT -5
Um, that's not on the cusp. That is sexual abuse. I can tell myself lies just as easily as the next person. Thank you for sharing more of your story. I just want to repeat something I said the other day after you spoke with an attorney about options with your Mom. You are NOT an asshole.
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CCL
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 19:34:47 GMT -5
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Post by CCL on Jan 9, 2023 17:47:19 GMT -5
The toll talk reminds me. They never hunted me down for the tolls I ran through in IL last summer on vacation. I heard eventually something would come in the mail, but I would think after 7 months I'm in the clear? When they were rebuilding the bridge in Louisville, it took about that long before we got the bill. Have you got an online account? You might be able to look it up and pay it.
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countrygirl2
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 7, 2016 15:45:05 GMT -5
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 9, 2023 17:50:46 GMT -5
I hope we are of right mind and not awful. But I don't think son would mess with us if we acted like some of these people. He would likely just walk away and I don't blame him. And I worry his dad would be an a**hole as he ages like his dad.
I have tried to do everything I can to make things smooth. Gave our son our net worth info, where everything is, passwords, have he and his wife on our safety deposit box. Knows our attorney, we have POA, will, and everything. I still intend to leave less money for DD, don't see the point, she will likely not get the use of it anyway.
And we are trying to decrease the places where the money is. I'm down to 5 and when MIL is closed out, than 4. He is already the second beneficiary on the 401K's, and some of the bonds. The bank accounts are just hubs and I. I really need to prepay all our funerals I'm thinking and get that done.
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azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
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Post by azucena on Jan 9, 2023 18:06:28 GMT -5
I'm preparing to send a copy of my children's book to the Library of Congress to get it catalogued and copyrighted. The copyright is actually implicit, but it won't hurt to have it registered. And hey! I've got two reviews now! Plus I googled the book and found that Barnes and Noble is officially carrying it! Don't know how that happened, but it's all good. Keep sharing the steps. It's fascinating. And remember us when you're a famous author
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taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
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Post by taz157 on Jan 9, 2023 18:08:05 GMT -5
Question for foodies - Is it better to buy Extra Virgin Olive Oil or Classic Olive Oil? What’s the difference? As an FYI, we don’t drizzle it on bread but do use it when baking chicken in the oven or use it to coat spices when frying it.
Does it make a difference?
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chiver78
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Current Events Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:04:45 GMT -5
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Post by chiver78 on Jan 9, 2023 18:16:49 GMT -5
Question for foodies - Is it better to buy Extra Virgin Olive Oil or Classic Olive Oil? What’s the difference? As an FYI, we don’t drizzle it on bread but do use it when baking chicken in the oven or use it to coat spices when frying it. Does it make a difference? so "extra virgin" means it's the product of the first passes of processing. I'm not sure the significance of "classic" as I can't say I have ever heard that used in relation to olive oil. as far as what is better? what tastes good to you? 😘 there's guidance to using products of certain stages of processing for different things, like super light for frying so it doesnt overpower, a little bolder for dressings. that kind of thing. but if you like what you're using, keep using it.
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