what are you doing right now?

[wvugurl26]

That's great news drama! One less hassle on your plate.

[cooper88]

I went to a training at the Alzheimer's Association once. The woman presenting said something along the lines of do not argue or try to convince them of anything. You will not ever win and you will both be frustrated. After dealing with my mom, that made a lot of sense to me.

[busymom]

Dec 30, 2022 9:50:38 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dec 29, 2022 22:25:28 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I don’t get upset over things like that, it was an accident. I would get upset though, if the mess was left in the floor for me to clean up. 

I drop and spill stuff myself. But I clean it up. That’s the important part, to me.

Sister was a little kid.  Mom cleaned it up.  It was on newly installed indoor/outdoor kitchen carpet.  

     We had that in the kitchen of the 2nd apartment that DH & I lived in.  It was awful to try & keep it clean!  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oh god kitchen carpet!  Not only did we have kitchen carpet but it was in the most God awful 70s pattern you could imagine.   The dog would barf and I couldn't find it because it would blend in.  

Happiest day of my life is when we ripped it up and put in laminate.  Yes even happier than my wedding day that is how bad that kitchen carpet was. 

[andi9899]

Dec 29, 2022 11:40:48 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I find such great happiness knowing that ds considers liking Andrew Tate to be the ultimate demonstration of bad character.

Did you see that he and his brother just got arrested for human trafficking? They are both sitting in a jail in Romania currently.

[andi9899]

Dec 29, 2022 17:37:44 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 29, 2022 16:45:42 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I still like her [DIL], she is just sort of well, being nice, rattle brained I guess, LOL! She did start taking pills to calm her down and for anxiety I think. She calls them her "mad" pills, I'm sure son and everyone appreciates that, I know I do. Initially she wasn't about to but thankfully she changed her mind. So I am just trying to overlook it all and enjoy myself. You cannot make people like yourself nor should you try. So I'm learning too.

I'm glad you had such a wonderful time and especially glad she's taking her pills.  It takes some self-awareness to realize that you can't stop taking them because you feel better - they're what MAKE you feel better.

DIL is not like me at all, totally disorganized, I mean totally. Does not keep her house all that clean, but it's ok. It's the kitchen that gets me, how you could work in that mess is beyond me. Her excuse is small kitchen. She had a huge one in NY and was just as bad. And why she doesn't use her dishwasher more is beyond me. Always dirty dishes around.

Yeah, DS and DDIL have a more cluttered house than I'd like and leave dirty dishes in the sink rather than put them in the dishwasher 2 steps away. I don't get it. I went down to the basement to do a wash and there were MOUNTAINS of laundry to be sorted. It appears the kids wear different clothes every day and everything gets laundered after wear. Fine for underwear, anything soiled, sweaty workout clothes, etc. but no wonder there's so much laundry. I cheerfully told DDIL that if I were faced with that much laundry I'd go join a convent. She did say she was a bit behind with all the holiday stuff going on.

I just put things like that in the category of "within a normal range, but not how I'd do things" and don't say anything. I've never been a SAHM home-schooling 3 small children. She's doing the important stuff well.

That's pretty shitty. If I'm doing my best to run a household with 3 little kids and my MIL came over and criticized me for having laundry piled up I'd invite her to start washing if it bothered her that bad. Why go to someone's house and critique how they run it? It's not your house. You'd be much less likely to be invited over going forward if it were me. Maybe think about that. You're a visitor in their house.

[skeeter]

How is your daughter feeling/doing now andi9899?

[daisylu]

Feeling hurt and pi**ed off. My sister was in Florida until Monday night and my parents had planned to be in Kentucky but weather changed their plans. I decided not to change my plans because theirs had. I just discovered that my parents, sister, her husband, and their kids celebrated Christmas Tuesday night. Not even an invite, text, or call.

They can shove their codependency up their asses.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 30, 2022 11:31:53 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Feeling hurt and pi**ed off. My sister was in Florida until Monday night and my parents had planned to be in Kentucky but weather changed their plans. I decided not to change my plans because theirs had. I just discovered that my parents, sister, her husband, and their kids celebrated Christmas Tuesday night. Not even an invite, text, or call.

They can shove their codependency up their asses.

[andi9899]

Getting ready to go to the chiropractor to get my neck snapped. Then I'm going to come home and pay bills. Don't be jealous of my exciting life.

I have a party to go to later I'm really hoping more of my regular crew shows up. I love my friend, but her other friends are boring so I need some more lively people to go.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 30, 2022 11:02:33 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 29, 2022 17:37:44 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

I'm glad you had such a wonderful time and especially glad she's taking her pills.  It takes some self-awareness to realize that you can't stop taking them because you feel better - they're what MAKE you feel better.

Yeah, DS and DDIL have a more cluttered house than I'd like and leave dirty dishes in the sink rather than put them in the dishwasher 2 steps away. I don't get it. I went down to the basement to do a wash and there were MOUNTAINS of laundry to be sorted. It appears the kids wear different clothes every day and everything gets laundered after wear. Fine for underwear, anything soiled, sweaty workout clothes, etc. but no wonder there's so much laundry. I cheerfully told DDIL that if I were faced with that much laundry I'd go join a convent. She did say she was a bit behind with all the holiday stuff going on.

I just put things like that in the category of "within a normal range, but not how I'd do things" and don't say anything. I've never been a SAHM home-schooling 3 small children. She's doing the important stuff well.

That's pretty shitty. If I'm doing my best to run a household with 3 little kids and my MIL came over and criticized me for having laundry piled up I'd invite her to start washing if it bothered her that bad. Why go to someone's house and critique how they run it? It's not your house. You'd be much less likely to be invited over going forward if it were me. Maybe think about that. You're a visitor in their house.

And I'd take it as validation. Tone of course matters, but one of the compliments I remember so fondly from my mil was more a conversation where she talked about how much help she had from her mil who lived with them. Basically that taking care of babies is exhausting and overwhelming and the people who have it all together usually have help that I didn't have. It was comforting. Like she saw how hard I was working even if there wasn't much to show for it.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 30, 2022 10:34:40 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

I went to a training at the Alzheimer's Association once. The woman presenting said something along the lines of do not argue or try to convince them of anything. You will not ever win and you will both be frustrated. After dealing with my mom, that made a lot of sense to me.

My mom had dsis and I take a class for dgf and it was so, so helpful. I'd recommend that to anyone who is dealing with it.

Really took the sting out of what could have been painful moments.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 30, 2022 10:53:32 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 29, 2022 11:40:48 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I find such great happiness knowing that ds considers liking Andrew Tate to be the ultimate demonstration of bad character.

Did you see that he and his brother just got arrested for human trafficking? They are both sitting in a jail in Romania currently.

I did. Hopefully that shuts him down completely and he loses his following. And maybe a few of them will rethink why they liked a guy who could spew such awfulness. That's probably asking too much.

[susana1954]

Dec 30, 2022 11:02:33 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 29, 2022 17:37:44 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

I'm glad you had such a wonderful time and especially glad she's taking her pills.  It takes some self-awareness to realize that you can't stop taking them because you feel better - they're what MAKE you feel better.

Yeah, DS and DDIL have a more cluttered house than I'd like and leave dirty dishes in the sink rather than put them in the dishwasher 2 steps away. I don't get it. I went down to the basement to do a wash and there were MOUNTAINS of laundry to be sorted. It appears the kids wear different clothes every day and everything gets laundered after wear. Fine for underwear, anything soiled, sweaty workout clothes, etc. but no wonder there's so much laundry. I cheerfully told DDIL that if I were faced with that much laundry I'd go join a convent. She did say she was a bit behind with all the holiday stuff going on.

I just put things like that in the category of "within a normal range, but not how I'd do things" and don't say anything. I've never been a SAHM home-schooling 3 small children. She's doing the important stuff well.

That's pretty shitty. If I'm doing my best to run a household with 3 little kids and my MIL came over and criticized me for having laundry piled up I'd invite her to start washing if it bothered her that bad. Why go to someone's house and critique how they run it? It's not your house. You'd be much less likely to be invited over going forward if it were me. Maybe think about that. You're a visitor in their house.

I will agree with that. Laundry is a never-ending chore when you have kids.  And, of course, the kids wear different clothes every day and everything gets laundered after wear.  Mine did, too.  I can't imagine a small child not getting their clothes dirty unless we are talking about Sunday clothes they take off as soon as they get home from church.  Adults are somewhat better about changing out of their good clothes, which is what you are remembering.  These are little kids.

You are contradicting yourself when you say you don't say anything.  You did and forced an apology/explanation out of her.  

[Deleted]

Dec 30, 2022 11:02:33 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

That's pretty shitty. If I'm doing my best to run a household with 3 little kids and my MIL came over and criticized me for having laundry piled up I'd invite her to start washing if it bothered her that bad. Why go to someone's house and critique how they run it? It's not your house. You'd be much less likely to be invited over going forward if it were me. Maybe think about that. You're a visitor in their house.

Ah, thank heaven for the Ignore function, which means I see certain posts only when someone else quotes them. DDIL knows I treasure her.  Not gonna defend myself here.  I know how that ends.

A good morning even though I haven't done my workout yet. Echocardiogram at 8 AM; technician said all she could tell me about my ejection fraction (the amount of blood going in the right direction despite some backflow) was any change she saw from the last one a year ago. She saw no change. That's the best I can hope for. I have a follow-up appointment with the cardiologist 1/9 but that's a relief. I finally got a haircut- badly needed and it looks so much better- and got all the gunk from driving on salted roads in Des Moines washed off the car.

A couple of notes on taking care of the elderly: yes, they get skillful at hiding their deterioration. DH took care of his mother in her last year and bought her plenty of paperback romance novels, which he thought she was reading. She had a stroke and when the doc saw her brain scan he couldn't believe she was appearing to function as well as she had because he saw signs of severe Alzheimer's. Today I'll be sending a note to my cousin- I just got a letter from her with a Christmas card, saying she'd put her Mom in an Independent Living facility near them, where Mom already knows several people. My cousin feels SO bad because Mom didn't want to move but she's been doing so much for her for the last 5 years and is still working FT as a dental hygienist. I want to tell her she's doing the right thing.

[andi9899]

Dec 30, 2022 11:03:33 GMT -5 skeeter said:

How is your daughter feeling/doing now andi9899?

She's doing way better. Thanks for asking.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 30, 2022 5:46:02 GMT -5 finnime said:

Pink Cashmere , I agree with the other invisipeeps, Mister's dad isn't lying in the responsible, knows what he's doing, sense. He is trying to make the world he is in ok and for you and Mister to think all is well. Because he doesn't know, really.

My grandmother had Alzheimers. In the earlier years of it she, who would never dream of stealing or lying or being inappropriate in any way, stole flatware and salt and pepper from restaurants and stoutly denied wearing my grandfather's underwear (which infuriated him).

She took my diamond engagement ring from the bureau in my room at my parents' house where we all were staying and put it on. I noticed and told my mother, who sat with grandma and helped take it off again, saying I think this is finnime's ring. No, said grandma, it's mine and I want to wear it. My grandmother was a lovely, classy woman who wouldn't dream of speaking a mistruth or hurting anyone or anything. She would be horrified at herself were she in her right mind. Before she got to that point I sometimes noticed she would sort of startle at a family gathering and look nervously around. I understood that she had just 'come to' and realized she didn't know what was going on.

Don't regard Mister's dad crazy. And don't accept what he says. He's trying to make a world that works for him, too. And he's scared.

You all are right. Idk what was wrong with me last night and I’m a bit ashamed of myself. I’m glad I was only a bitch about it here, and not IRL. I didn’t try to correct him or say anything about it or act any kind of way.

I do have compassion for him, because I understand what dementia does to a person. 

ETA: I also want to say that I appreciate those of you that tried to talk some sense into me.

[stillmovingforward]

Dec 30, 2022 4:08:50 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Dec 29, 2022 21:27:04 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I haven't caught up much, but wanted to share this. I forget who took my humidifier rec, maybe daisy? sorry.. but I want to say after two nights of sleeping mostly downstairs, I filled my humidifier while waiting on dinner, and turned it on low with the bedroom door almost closed. I just went in to make up my bed with clean sheets, and the airspace was magically glorious <cue the angels singing>. I refilled the water canister, and am seriously thinking about shutting the pups in my bedroom tonight so I can close the door entirely.

Yup, we went the warm mist humidifier on your rec and it has been a game changer. I rarely wake up coughing my fool head off anymore and even DH's chronic sinuses have given him a break!

What was the one recommended and where did you buy it? Please!

[andi9899]

Dec 30, 2022 9:23:36 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Proud to announce that our dining room table is clear of clutter and clean enough to eat off of. And bed linens are about to go in the dryer.

That might be all I accomplish today, and that's ok.

I'm trying to be like you. Today is laundry and bill paying. Tomorrow is laundry part 2 (bedding) and decluttering/cleaning. Sunday will be cleaning part 2 (floors/carpets) and donating what was purged if the thrift store is open. I also have to pick up the backyard at some point. Ugh.

[flamingo]

Dec 30, 2022 12:55:12 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Dec 30, 2022 5:46:02 GMT -5 finnime said:

Pink Cashmere , I agree with the other invisipeeps, Mister's dad isn't lying in the responsible, knows what he's doing, sense. He is trying to make the world he is in ok and for you and Mister to think all is well. Because he doesn't know, really.

My grandmother had Alzheimers. In the earlier years of it she, who would never dream of stealing or lying or being inappropriate in any way, stole flatware and salt and pepper from restaurants and stoutly denied wearing my grandfather's underwear (which infuriated him).

She took my diamond engagement ring from the bureau in my room at my parents' house where we all were staying and put it on. I noticed and told my mother, who sat with grandma and helped take it off again, saying I think this is finnime's ring. No, said grandma, it's mine and I want to wear it. My grandmother was a lovely, classy woman who wouldn't dream of speaking a mistruth or hurting anyone or anything. She would be horrified at herself were she in her right mind. Before she got to that point I sometimes noticed she would sort of startle at a family gathering and look nervously around. I understood that she had just 'come to' and realized she didn't know what was going on.

Don't regard Mister's dad crazy. And don't accept what he says. He's trying to make a world that works for him, too. And he's scared.

You all are right. Idk what was wrong with me last night and I’m a bit ashamed of myself. I’m glad I was only a bitch about it here, and not IRL. I didn’t try to correct him or say anything about it or act any kind of way.

I do have compassion for him, because I understand what dementia does to a person. 

I don't think your thoughts/reaction to the situation make you a "bitch". I think it's totally normal to think and feel how you did about the situation. Certainly in my family that reaction would be totally normal! My FIL had dementia and in the 5 years or so leading up to his death, my DH felt like you did a lot.

I remember a time when FIL said something kind of shitty to DH that was TOTAL out of character for him. He was just starting to show signs of dementia, and DH got pissed, yelled at him, then stormed out and we left. Then DH yelled at me when I said, you know, you're dad is showing signs of dementia, I don't think he meant what he said. Anyway, we went back and FIL had no recollection of WHAT the argument was about, though he did remember they argued. It really hit home for DH that his dad was starting to decline.

He rarely said anything to his father about it (just to me) after that, but it's HARD to remember that dementia makes them such a different person. And it's hard to watch. I think for me, it was especially hard to watch since it wasn't my parent because I felt like I saw the situation a little clearer but there wasn't much I could do other than support DH in whatever way he wanted to move forward (which was not always the way I thought he should).

Anyway, none of that is super important, other than to say, I get it. And you're doing a good job of navigating this new terrible situation as you go. Hugs.

[stillmovingforward]

I pay a service to pick up my yard after the dogs. Best $18 per week I spend!

[daisylu]

Dec 30, 2022 13:06:55 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Dec 30, 2022 4:08:50 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Yup, we went the warm mist humidifier on your rec and it has been a game changer. I rarely wake up coughing my fool head off anymore and even DH's chronic sinuses have given him a break!

What was the one recommended and where did you buy it? Please!

The rec was more moving from cool mist to warm. When I bought my last humidifier, cool mist is what the pediatrician recommended. I never questioned why before until chiver78 recommended a warm mist (that she had actually bought accidentally). I googled the differences, and found that cool is mostly recommended for child safety and for colds. Warm mist is cleaner and more helpful with allergy and chronic sinus related congestion.

I first bought the Walmart brand. It made a difference immediately but I wasn't happy with the way that one was set up, so I returned it and bought a Vicks.

ETA - I am currently looking for a warm and cool mist one, but haven't settled on one yet. I think that will be more helpful for the bedroom. The Vicks will move to the central living area, where I usually run one in the winter to help with dry air and static electricity.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 30, 2022 12:55:12 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Dec 30, 2022 5:46:02 GMT -5 finnime said:

Pink Cashmere , I agree with the other invisipeeps, Mister's dad isn't lying in the responsible, knows what he's doing, sense. He is trying to make the world he is in ok and for you and Mister to think all is well. Because he doesn't know, really.

My grandmother had Alzheimers. In the earlier years of it she, who would never dream of stealing or lying or being inappropriate in any way, stole flatware and salt and pepper from restaurants and stoutly denied wearing my grandfather's underwear (which infuriated him).

She took my diamond engagement ring from the bureau in my room at my parents' house where we all were staying and put it on. I noticed and told my mother, who sat with grandma and helped take it off again, saying I think this is finnime's ring. No, said grandma, it's mine and I want to wear it. My grandmother was a lovely, classy woman who wouldn't dream of speaking a mistruth or hurting anyone or anything. She would be horrified at herself were she in her right mind. Before she got to that point I sometimes noticed she would sort of startle at a family gathering and look nervously around. I understood that she had just 'come to' and realized she didn't know what was going on.

Don't regard Mister's dad crazy. And don't accept what he says. He's trying to make a world that works for him, too. And he's scared.

You all are right. Idk what was wrong with me last night and I’m a bit ashamed of myself. I’m glad I was only a bitch about it here, and not IRL. I didn’t try to correct him or say anything about it or act any kind of way.

I do have compassion for him, because I understand what dementia does to a person. 

ETA: I also want to say that I appreciate those of you that tried to talk some sense into me.

It doesn't make you a bitch.  It's a mind f*ck for the caretakers too.   It's really difficult to wrap your head around.

And it's easier to direct your frustration and anger and distress at the situation to the supposed lying about the medication.  That feels like something you and Mister have some control over.  

It's exhausting and not only are you dealing with his dad but his mom too. 

I would see if you can get some part time help at home.  Maybe hire someone for the morning to make sure he takes his medications and help with minor tasks he needs assistance with.  It is less stress on you guys and sometimes people feel less awkward accepting help from strangers than they do their kid.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Browsing Esty io see what people are listing glassware for.

I'll have to stop by one of the antique stores in town and talk to them.  I know two pieces are actually depression glass but IDK about the rest.  If it is real it still only goes for as little as $5-$50 a piece so definitely not worth what she thought it was but there is enough that the small amounts add up and are worth me looking into. 

If they are replications they might as well go to Goodwill and to DH's sister for the church bazaar.

My grandma's stuff went quick SIL said that there are a lot of churchgoers who are into that type of stuff.  So that would be a good way to off load it with minimal work on my part.

If I could get something for the collection I might see if I can offload it at one of the antique stores.   

[swamp]

Dec 30, 2022 12:02:44 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dec 30, 2022 10:53:32 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Did you see that he and his brother just got arrested for human trafficking? They are both sitting in a jail in Romania currently.

I did. Hopefully that shuts him down completely and he loses his following. And maybe a few of them will rethink why they liked a guy who could spew such awfulness. That's probably asking too much.

You're so optimistic. 

They're crying that he's a victim, he's being cancelled, and/or it's not true. 

The incels don't think women have the right to self determination, so sex trafficking them is just okey dokey. 

[andi9899]

Dec 30, 2022 12:02:44 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dec 30, 2022 10:53:32 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Did you see that he and his brother just got arrested for human trafficking? They are both sitting in a jail in Romania currently.

I did. Hopefully that shuts him down completely and he loses his following. And maybe a few of them will rethink why they liked a guy who could spew such awfulness. That's probably asking too much.

It shouldn't be asking much for people to just be decent humans, but here we are. I'm sure his incel followers will find someone equally disgusting to latch onto.

[andi9899]

Dec 30, 2022 13:16:44 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

I pay a service to pick up my yard after the dogs. Best $18 per week I spend!

I'll have to look into that. The only thing is that it would have to be standing Saturday appointment. My cousin's son comes Sunday mornings when we have grass to mow. My dad was getting too old to do it so I outsourced it to someone younger.

[susana1954]

Dec 30, 2022 13:31:40 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Browsing Esty io see what people are listing glassware for.

I'll have to stop by one of the antique stores in town and talk to them.  I know two pieces are actually depression glass but IDK about the rest.  If it is real it still only goes for as little as $5-$50 a piece so definitely not worth what she thought it was but there is enough that the small amounts add up and are worth me looking into. 

If they are replications they might as well go to Goodwill and to DH's sister for the church bazaar.

My grandma's stuff went quick SIL said that there are a lot of churchgoers who are into that type of stuff.  So that would be a good way to off load it with minimal work on my part.

If I could get something for the collection I might see if I can offload it at one of the antique stores.   

But remember that they have to make a profit, too.  If you could get half the value, you would be doing great!  A place like Replacements only offers 25% and requires you to pay shipping as well.

My former MIL ran an antique store.

[andi9899]

I bought from B&BW semiannual sale. I should do it online from now on, I spent half what I would have going into the store. When it gets here I'll have shower gel and lotion that will last until this time next year. Winning!

[weltschmerz]

I slept badly last night.  I think I have a mouse in my bedroom. Shushi was hunting all night and making a racket.