seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Oct 25, 2024 9:41:43 GMT -5
Good morning, adventurous invisipeeps, hanging ten on the surfboard of life. Welcome to Friday. Another week slipping by. I hope this day sees you through easily and lightly, that your pets and SO's are responsive to you and that nothing needs fixing beyond maybe a meal or two. I hope you have a voting plan. I've been checking off my todo list for today's adventures. After packing the suitcase and the car with supplies for the show in New Hampshire tomorrow, we'll be on our way this morning first to drop off Franklin the Dog at DSis's then to Vermont to spend the night. The show is 9-2 tomorrow. We enjoyed this one very much last year on the north shore. A group of Finnish Americans getting together--it's fun. And culturally I'm very comfortable with them; they are simliar to my own extended family. DH was up most of the night preparing. He's snoring now. The fog was really thick yesterday morning so I got no good shots at the beach. Instead, here is a pic that was one of two accepted into a gallery for exhibition in November, Ducks in Sunlight at the marina: Gorgeous pic, finnime!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 25, 2024 9:52:51 GMT -5
We don't always treat the kids the same either and have various reasons for it. Fair doesn't always mean equal or the same and that's something we discuss with the kids. They are individuals and we do our best to respond to them as individuals. But if they were in their 20s, got themselves on academic probation, proceeded to drop out of school and then had the balls to expect me to drive them everywhere because they refuse to learn how to my answer would be to buy them a pair of running shoes. Before we found me a car my dad was willing to drop me off and pick me up at IWCC because it was on his sales route. However I didn't act like an entitled butthole. If I spoke to or treated my mom or Lisa like YD does Pink my dad would have been running me over with his sales van not driving me to school. Amen! Mine would have beaten me into a pulp long ago. Hell, if I acted that way now at 45 one of them would probably backhand me. And, I think the struggle is real for how to parent when shame/fear/physical punishment/abuse/being adversaries is how you were parented.
I'm not saying that YD's behavior is acceptable, because it's not. With the information presented, I would not make the same choices as Mister. And I also can imagine there is a lot of nuance that I am not privy to. Change is hard. Attempts can be unsuccessful. Parenting is hard. It is exhausting. Expending more time energy to learn the right tools. To do the really hard work. It can be too much. My mom is a great data point for that.
To that end, while it's not great, I do have more tools to use, so that my parenting choices are not to either shame/physically punish as a form of discipline or let my kids run roughshod over me. That took a lot of work.
I do have to work harder with DD1. And think before I speak, and make conscious decisions. I am motivated, because I know that my kids will be independent from me at some point. And I want them to still keep me part of their life.
Knowing I could lose a relationship with my kids is very motivating.
And there are nights where DH and I are tired and we would like to have more than 8 minutes for each other. And we do grumble that the missy was particularly challenging that day. (And lord knows all the bitching we did over DS when he was failing or when we were dealing with the peanut. I don't think it was realistic for us to be like "Oh, I'm just super happy that this is the second time I've been up for 30+ hours straight this week" for months on end. Most people would not be thrilled with that level of sleep deprivation.)
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 25, 2024 10:05:17 GMT -5
Anyone heard from zibazinski through any medium? She hasn't posted here since telling us she was headed for a quick in and out to Tampa. Yeah, we got hit. Parts are real bad and some people are totally displaced. The local hotels were already full from Helene victims so I stayed with a friend. Power was out for several days but I had no other damage. I did have to promise my daughter I’d evacuate to her place if another one threatened. I had a friend who was visiting China and I checked his place out for him on Davis Islands. 4 feet of water in his place. I talked to his landlord who said it’s a 4-6 month wait for him to move back in. Then I texted him the news. So, basically, what he took to China is all he has left. Some people have it even worse. So me being without power for days seems pretty small potatoes compared to other’s problems. So glad you are okay!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 25, 2024 10:18:49 GMT -5
Great suggestion! I'll call original oral surgeon and ask. Betting it hasn't been suggested bc it's not covered by medicaid. I'd pay out of pocket faster than they could accept my credit card. Stay tuned! What about iv conscious sedation? Usually better analgesic and dental school or really any dentist should do this. Maybe also not covered but shouldn’t be too expensive It sounds like BT has to go to the Medicaid dentist. No other options. They are not going to do conscious sedation. That has never been discussed with any dentist I have seen. Laughing gas, yes. But that is the extent of it. Laughing gas made me feel weird because the dentist didn't explain it to me. If that is the chose route, please explain how it can make a person feel.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 25, 2024 10:56:09 GMT -5
Sorry, toomuchreality . Breathe deeply and slowly and remember you are a very important person. Thank you. And use your old lady power! You don't need to interact with people that make you uncomfortable. Life is too short. hope you take being called an old lady in the tone that I meant it
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 25, 2024 11:20:11 GMT -5
Original oral surgeon doesn't offer conscious sedation or laughing gas. But, I've added those options to my notes to continue pressing for them if/when we can get an appt.
I saw the comments about how Teen might react with those and agree it's not great but we've really run out of options. She has anxiety meds that she can use on tough days but she refuses. Will ask any dentist about adding that in as well.
Asked teen to call social worker and report problem with psych appt today at nut's house. Social worker basically said nut has a right to be present for any first appointment with new provider. Teen said um, hello this isn't a new doc. I've been seeing her for months. Pls check the written timeline that Azucena gave you a few weeks ago. Social worker went silent and said then I don't know how to help you. Teen said ok well I'm not going to any appt at my mom's house bc it's not safe. Awkward silence and teen ended call.
Teen came upstairs boiling mad afterwards. Can't blame her. I told her I was proud of her for advocating for herself and will add note to my timeline so we have record that WE didn't stand in the way of this appt. Then, I said I'm taking my mom hat off and slipping into just trusted adult mode and what I say stays between us....I asked did social worker complain to you about being overworked, yep. I said I always tell her that I understand her job is hard and I personally couldn't do it but I'm going to keep advocating for my kid. Then I told teen, I'm really trying to decide if this lady is stupid or incompetent and I said hopefully you know me well enough to know that I don't usually say mean things about people. She laughed and said yep. I said we will just keep being politely vocal and eventually she will get the care she deserves. Teen said okay, I'll call social worker on tues asking what steps are happening for my dental care and will keep calling weekly. I said good girl.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Oct 25, 2024 11:46:58 GMT -5
I also circled back to yesterday's lipstick comment and said I'm gonna follow my mama's excellent example as she never, ever badmouthed my dad after their divorce even though I was in my late 20s and he deserved it. She only spoke up when he was manipulating me or treating me poorly.
I said good moms don't tell their daughters that their lipstick looks terrible. I also said I notice she cuts you down every single conversation and that's not right and I bet it's been going on for far too long. I said I'm betting at least one person said your lipstick looked fly yesterday. She smiled and said yep 3 people. I said there you go. Unfortunately your mom doesn't always speak truth or even kindness. Hurt people hurt people so let's ignore those types of things that she says and when you feel strong enough you push back and say I'm not listening to you talk to me that way any more and then feel free to end convo if she persists.
Teen got quiet and said I told my therapist about the lipstick yesterday and she said almost the exact same thing. Teen was still rocking said lipstick and therapist said it was fly so further proof that nut is a nut.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 25, 2024 12:50:21 GMT -5
I said good moms don't tell their daughters that their lipstick looks terrible. I also said I notice she cuts you down every single conversation and that's not right and I bet it's been going on for far too long. I said I'm betting at least one person said your lipstick looked fly yesterday. She smiled and said yep 3 people. I said there you go. Unfortunately your mom doesn't always speak truth or even kindness. Hurt people hurt people so let's ignore those types of things that she says and when you feel strong enough you push back and say I'm not listening to you talk to me that way any more and then feel free to end convo if she persists.
I might suggest simplifying a little bit. Ignore or leave the conversation. Nut says something sucky. Teen says "oop. Have to go, bye."
Nut may not be able to understand boundaries; it might escalate her. Nut also might decide that boundaries are not boundaries, but discussion points/invitations for more criticisms. This is why I don't articulate my boundaries with my mom. I just do it.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 25, 2024 13:29:20 GMT -5
Yay! The people I didn't want to be around, aren't going to be at DD2's, after all. I can relax now.
Thanks for the good thoughts!
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