what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

toomuchreality I will be thinking of you. I hope everything goes well, including a speedy recovery. Hugs!

[bookkeeper]

Jan 8, 2024 21:17:31 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Jan 8, 2024 19:21:11 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Yes, I have called it him out on it.

A few days ago, when he picked up the groceries he ordered the night that YD was yelling about food, when he got home and was setting the first round of bags down, I went got all the bags left in the trunk of his car and closed the trunk. When I was headed to the door, he was coming back out and reached for the bags I had. I said “I got the bags, just pick up the heater.” He’d knocked over the space heater in the garage when he went inside. Somehow, what I said was wrong, and he got irritated.

I said to him, I had all the rest of the groceries, how was me saying I got the bags, just stand the heater back up, me being negative? Why do you perceive everything I say, as something negative or criticism? 

He didn’t know what to say. And I felt like I should’ve just kept sitting on my ass, and minding my own business, instead of trying to be helpful by helping bring the groceries inside. Sit on my ass, like the person he bought them for, did. I don’t do shit anyway, let him tell it, so why not just really not do shit?

So I do speak up and call him on his shit in the moment. Not all the time, because I am beyond tired of fighting with him, but often. But even when I do, it’s still somehow my fault or he just doesn’t know what to say because he can’t think of a way to make me be the bad person. Or he’ll use his other tactic “I’m sorry. I fucked up again” and walk off, which is yet another way of trying to make me the bad guy and avoid dealing with his behavior toward me. And calling him out in the moment just confirms his other idea, that all I do is complain.

It’s crazy.

This really resonates with me - this is exactly how DH acts when I try to call him out for his shit.  If just once, just one little tiny time, he would look at me and admit he was wrong, it would truly mean the world.  It's really special when he just looks at me and says, "what do you want me to do?", throwing it all back on me.  I'm beyond tired of trying to avoid saying something, some way that sets him off.  If I ask him flat out what it was I said, he starts up with, "It's your tone, it's your attitude".  Living life in a room full of eggshells is exhausting.  

The fastest way to get my volume knob to 10 is to complain about my tone.  I have a voice that can be heard a half mile away and I will use it if someone complains about my "tone".

If I have to raise my voice, everyone will hear what the disagreement is about.  Spoiler alert, the argument is never about "my tone".

[azucena]

Jan 8, 2024 19:05:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm considered customer facing as well since I receive submissions.

Thing is the people who are considered our customers consider me to be one of the easiest and welcoming people in the lab according to my person on the inside. He said nobody has anything negative to say about me.

But it doesn't matter because my manager has her own opinion on what constitutes proper customer service and I'm not it.

I'd solicit written feedback from these internal folks to back yourself up in how you're truly performing your work.

[jerseygirl]

Grandson is here for a few days. Doing chores for me, replaced furnace filters, shoveled snow away from garbage shed, put in windshield fluid in car
Will be making a spice cake for later


Raining now

[lurkyloo]

Wishing you speedy healing toomuchreality!  

And thank you seriousthistime for letting us know.

[azucena]

Jan 8, 2024 20:15:43 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Jan 8, 2024 19:21:11 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Yes, I have called it him out on it.

A few days ago, when he picked up the groceries he ordered the night that YD was yelling about food, when he got home and was setting the first round of bags down, I went got all the bags left in the trunk of his car and closed the trunk. When I was headed to the door, he was coming back out and reached for the bags I had. I said “I got the bags, just pick up the heater.” He’d knocked over the space heater in the garage when he went inside. Somehow, what I said was wrong, and he got irritated.

I said to him, I had all the rest of the groceries, how was me saying I got the bags, just stand the heater back up, me being negative? Why do you perceive everything I say, as something negative or criticism? 

He didn’t know what to say. And I felt like I should’ve just kept sitting on my ass, and minding my own business, instead of trying to be helpful by helping bring the groceries inside. Sit on my ass, like the person he bought them for, did. I don’t do shit anyway, let him tell it, so why not just really not do shit?

So I do speak up and call him on his shit in the moment. Not all the time, because I am beyond tired of fighting with him, but often. But even when I do, it’s still somehow my fault or he just doesn’t know what to say because he can’t think of a way to make me be the bad person. Or he’ll use his other tactic “I’m sorry. I fucked up again” and walk off, which is yet another way of trying to make me the bad guy and avoid dealing with his behavior toward me. And calling him out in the moment just confirms his other idea, that all I do is complain.

It’s crazy.

I've been really struggling with dh's "I can't/shouldn't say/do anything" crap and I'm definitely bringing it up with the therapist. It's manipulative because he's playing the woe is me card but isn't trying to understand why I'm frustrated or upset. And then doesn't understand why I don't feel like I can be emotionally safe with him.

Sorry. Just finally putting words to feelings I've been struggling with.

If you get useful advice, please clue me in.

[lurkyloo]

Jan 9, 2024 11:25:03 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Jan 9, 2024 9:10:35 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

They JUST announced early release today    We have a school meeting at 3 and I have no idea if it’s rescheduled.

The county I live in still has a normal school day. DD1’s after school activity was cancelled though. 🤷‍♀️

I also just realized my travel day for work conference is a no school day    Knocking it out of the park today… scrambling now for childcare options that day and wondering if I should try to bump to a more accommodating flight.

[andi9899]

Jan 8, 2024 15:15:45 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jan 8, 2024 15:01:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

And, also, I would like to gut punch everyone who said it would be easy to get jobs with a degree. Or everyone who made it seem like it's so easy to get a job. All you have to do is pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do it.

Well we all know there are only three approved jobs according to old YM.  Engineering, IT or nursing.  if you didn't pick one of those you were doomed from the get go.

Well, I'm a failure at life. I already knew that though.

[azucena]

Jan 8, 2024 21:43:09 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

Jan 8, 2024 21:17:31 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

This really resonates with me - this is exactly how DH acts when I try to call him out for his shit.  If just once, just one little tiny time, he would look at me and admit he was wrong, it would truly mean the world.  It's really special when he just looks at me and says, "what do you want me to do?", throwing it all back on me.  I'm beyond tired of trying to avoid saying something, some way that sets him off.  If I ask him flat out what it was I said, he starts up with, "It's your tone, it's your attitude".  Living life in a room full of eggshells is exhausting.  

I no longer walk on eggshells to avoid conflict at home. I just say, very calmly and unemotionally, "Why do you think it's okay to talk to me that way?" Hint, there is no good answer. I don't have to say it often and it's very effective for me.

oooo - totally stealing this to use with both my dh and my kids!

[azucena]

Jan 8, 2024 22:19:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jan 8, 2024 15:00:02 GMT -5 giramomma said:

How often does your boss normally contact you?

The first year--almost daily including weekends. 
The last six months--it's dwindled from every few days to once since December 8 except. Last Wednesday, when she didn't know I'd resigned she canceled our weekly meeting because she didn't have anything she wanted to talk about.  

Jan 8, 2024 15:20:57 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Maybe your boss didn’t get notified.
You could send your boss an FYI email.

She was notified at least twice. 
After the big boss called me to tell me he got my letter, then big boss hit reply on my email and cc'd my immediate supervisor and HR. 
Then, last Thursday, the organization's leadership team (of which my position is a part) was sent a group email announcing my resignation and that I was telling my staff that day. 

Chloe - lean away from your type A, do it all inclinations and continue to ignore the fact that she hasn't responded. Don't give her the satisfaction of blinking first!

[raeoflyte]

I have tmr's cell # and texted her that we're thinking of her. I wish I lived close enough to go see her.

[lurkyloo]

Jan 9, 2024 12:10:14 GMT -5 azucena said:

Jan 8, 2024 22:19:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

The first year--almost daily including weekends. 
The last six months--it's dwindled from every few days to once since December 8 except. Last Wednesday, when she didn't know I'd resigned she canceled our weekly meeting because she didn't have anything she wanted to talk about.  

She was notified at least twice. 
After the big boss called me to tell me he got my letter, then big boss hit reply on my email and cc'd my immediate supervisor and HR. 
Then, last Thursday, the organization's leadership team (of which my position is a part) was sent a group email announcing my resignation and that I was telling my staff that day. 

Chloe - lean away from your type A, do it all inclinations and continue to ignore the fact that she hasn't responded. Don't give her the satisfaction of blinking first!

She’s an ass.  This is not new information.
She may also be getting some general backlash because I’m guessing the broad strokes here are clear to most observers. 

[TheOtherMe]

Living in a world of tow bans.  My guy has plowed by driveway once.  I can't tell if it is still snowing but I know it's still blowing snow.  

I can't tell how much has fallen.  On one banister of my deck there is a slight covering of snow.  On another there is about a foot. 

From the snow plow cameras, I don't want to be on the roads and am so happy I don't have to be.

[raeoflyte]

Jan 9, 2024 12:03:30 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Wishing you speedy healing toomuchreality!  

And thank you seriousthistime for letting us know.

Yes- thank you! I've been meaning to check on her just to say hi and lost track of time.

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 9, 2024 12:17:28 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I have tmr's cell # and texted her that we're thinking of her. I wish I lived close enough to go see her.

Thank you.  

[andi9899]

Jan 8, 2024 16:18:51 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

The first holidays do suck. I'm not perfect but I am trying not to take it all out on DH. If he could fix it all, he would. Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard because I realized I had nowhere to go. No celebration for my family. My parents are divorced and we are all scattered.

We are having Christmas Sunday at my dad's. And dad will retire this year so there will be more options in 2024.

I knkw this is after the fact, but if this is the case next holidays and you don't have anywhere to spend it, you can come here. I'm a pretty good cook.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

We had a hell a storm last night, enough wind that rain was blown into the bedroom though the cracked slider.  I think there was hail too.  TD’s legs were bugging him, I know he was up until the very early hours this morning, I heard the shower on at 3:30.  I’m just going to let him sleep now, even though he normally hates sleeping this late.  

As soon as I finish my coffee, I need to get showered and dressed.  Meeting my neighbor for lunch today.   

[TheOtherMe]

While it's very difficult, I am fortunate that I am able to feel the pain of grief.  That also means that I am able to feel the joy of love.  I have the capacity to feel joy and love.  It doesn't feel at the time because it hurts, but if you don't love deeply, you don't grieve deeply.

The hardest death of my life was the sudden death of my BFF.  She should not have died at that age.  When her mother died last year, it all came back to the front of my mind.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

toomuchreality take care of yourself, I’ll be thinking about you.  

[Empire the P.A.]

@

[giramomma]

Thinking of you as well, toomuchreality

[lurkyloo]

Good news:  kid still symptom free and testing negative.  I’m really annoyed with the Binax cards bc if you squint and look at it sideways it looks like there might be a shadow line…saw it yesterday and was expecting it to develop into a real line today, but same phantom line.  And everyone makes such a big deal of even a faint line is a positive, but after a life spent in the lab that just didn’t look like a real line to me but enough to make me second guess. we double checked with a flowflex brand to confirm negative 

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 9, 2024 12:23:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

While it's very difficult, I am fortunate that I am able to feel the pain of grief.  That also means that I am able to feel the joy of love.  I have the capacity to feel joy and love.  It doesn't feel at the time because it hurts, but if you don't love deeply, you don't grieve deeply.

The hardest death of my life was the sudden death of my BFF.  She should not have died at that age.  When her mother died last year, it all came back to the front of my mind.

You understand what many people don’t. Trying to avoid the pain of grief means you deny yourself the ability to really feel the good stuff, like joy and love. (Not you personally Theo, general “you”)

[TheOtherMe]

Power is off and on in the bigger city.  I'm not had any problems with power.

My chai coffee shop sent their employees home before I was even out of bed.

The drift against my patio door is about 2 feet high now and it is snowing and blowing.

I am so happy I do not have to leave the house today.  

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 9, 2024 14:06:34 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Jan 9, 2024 12:23:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

While it's very difficult, I am fortunate that I am able to feel the pain of grief.  That also means that I am able to feel the joy of love.  I have the capacity to feel joy and love.  It doesn't feel at the time because it hurts, but if you don't love deeply, you don't grieve deeply.

The hardest death of my life was the sudden death of my BFF.  She should not have died at that age.  When her mother died last year, it all came back to the front of my mind.

You understand what many people don’t. Trying to avoid the pain of grief means you deny yourself the ability to really feel the good stuff, like joy and love. (Not you personally Theo, general “you”)

I know it isn't me personally.  It's like any relationship human or cat for me.  What did it all mean if I never feel the pain of a loss.  

Joy and love hopefully last much longer than the pain.  I want to feel all of the joy and love.  

Every person I've lost in my life has caused pain.  Every loss of a cat in my life has caused pain.

But I have also felt love and joy from the people and cats.  I can't imagine depriving myself of that.

[giramomma]

Jan 9, 2024 13:50:21 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Good news:  kid still symptom free and testing negative.  I’m really annoyed with the Binax cards bc if you squint and look at it sideways it looks like there might be a shadow line…saw it yesterday and was expecting it to develop into a real line today, but same phantom line.  And everyone makes such a big deal of even a faint line is a positive, but after a life spent in the lab that just didn’t look like a real line to me but enough to make me second guess. we double checked with a flowflex brand to confirm negative 

Just like reading pregnancy tests....

[giramomma]

I am apparently just pissed off at the whole world right now.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 9, 2024 12:10:14 GMT -5 azucena said:

Jan 8, 2024 22:19:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

The first year--almost daily including weekends. 
The last six months--it's dwindled from every few days to once since December 8 except. Last Wednesday, when she didn't know I'd resigned she canceled our weekly meeting because she didn't have anything she wanted to talk about.  

She was notified at least twice. 
After the big boss called me to tell me he got my letter, then big boss hit reply on my email and cc'd my immediate supervisor and HR. 
Then, last Thursday, the organization's leadership team (of which my position is a part) was sent a group email announcing my resignation and that I was telling my staff that day. 

Chloe - lean away from your type A, do it all inclinations and continue to ignore the fact that she hasn't responded. Don't give her the satisfaction of blinking first!

From my vast experience with crazy bosses she's pouting/punishing.  You have put in your notice which means you have drawn the line regarding her behavior.  She knows you aren't going to stick around to be her doormat so her normal bullying tactics aren't going to work.

So she's "ghost fired" you.  She probably is thinking this will drive you crazy (which it is) and that eventually you will come running to her asking to be included again.  Then she either gets to continue to ignore you showing who holds the power or "oh so graciously" talk to you again now that she knows she holds all the power.

It's also a remote possibility she got her butt chewed by higher ups and is pouting but I doubt it.

Continue to do your job and document if need be to CYA till the end.   Enjoy the quiet.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jan 9, 2024 14:26:15 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jan 9, 2024 12:10:14 GMT -5 azucena said:

Chloe - lean away from your type A, do it all inclinations and continue to ignore the fact that she hasn't responded. Don't give her the satisfaction of blinking first!

From my vast experience with crazy bosses she's pouting/punishing.  You have put in your notice which means you have drawn the line regarding her behavior.  She knows you aren't going to stick around to be her doormat so her normal bullying tactics aren't going to work.

So she's "ghost fired" you.  She probably is thinking this will drive you crazy (which it is) and that eventually you will come running to her asking to be included again.  Then she either gets to continue to ignore you showing who holds the power or "oh so graciously" talk to you again now that she knows she holds all the power.

It's also a remote possibility she got her butt chewed by higher ups and is pouting but I doubt it.

Continue to do your job and document if need be to CYA till the end.   Enjoy the quiet.

I would also add that she realizes that she’s overstepped and is trying to figure out damage control.  Don’t play her game.  

[CCL]

Jan 9, 2024 11:20:50 GMT -5 finnime said:

toomuchreality , I'm so sorry to hear. Get better fast! You are important to us.