what are you doing right now?

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

On the weirdness scale,
How weird is it that my boss has not contacted me at all since I turned in my resignation? I didn’t send the resignation to her, just to the overall boss.

[giramomma]

"They" did not give me a firm timeline on when I would be contacted if I got a third interview. Late last week or early this week.

Given the weather situation, over a foot of snow between two storms this week, I'm supposing that they would figure out things soon.

I don't think I made it to Round 3.

[giramomma]

Jan 8, 2024 14:57:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

On the weirdness scale,
How weird is it that my boss has not contacted me at all since I turned in my resignation? I didn’t send the resignation to her, just to the overall boss.

How often does your boss normally contact you?

[giramomma]

And, also, I would like to gut punch everyone who said it would be easy to get jobs with a degree. Or everyone who made it seem like it's so easy to get a job. All you have to do is pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do it.

[azucena]

Jan 8, 2024 14:57:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

On the weirdness scale,
How weird is it that my boss has not contacted me at all since I turned in my resignation? I didn’t send the resignation to her, just to the overall boss.

Pretty weird. My guess is it's some kind of weird power trip.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dammit! I was sitting on the bed with one leg bent and tucked under the other, and didn’t realize my foot had “went to sleep”. When I finished what I was doing and stood up, it was like I didn’t even have a left foot, I couldn’t feel it, and I fell. While I was trying to not fall, since I couldn’t feel my foot, I must have twisted it the wrong way or something, it hurts. A lot. Even when I’m sitting down. It has started swelling and I can’t move my pinky toe. I swear!

I wonder if it means something that the reason I was even sitting in the bed was because I was writing Mister a damn letter.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 8, 2024 15:01:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

And, also, I would like to gut punch everyone who said it would be easy to get jobs with a degree. Or everyone who made it seem like it's so easy to get a job. All you have to do is pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do it.

Well we all know there are only three approved jobs according to old YM.  Engineering, IT or nursing.  if you didn't pick one of those you were doomed from the get go.

[Peace77]

Jan 8, 2024 14:57:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

On the weirdness scale,
How weird is it that my boss has not contacted me at all since I turned in my resignation? I didn’t send the resignation to her, just to the overall boss.

Maybe your boss didn’t get notified.
You could send your boss an FYI email.

[soupandstew]

We're under tornado watch until 9 pm and the adjacent county to our northwest (and several others) are under tornado warning for another 15 minutes or so.  It's going to be a very scary night, and I have to go to a meeting at 6:30

[busymom]

Jan 8, 2024 13:29:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jan 8, 2024 13:15:07 GMT -5 giramomma said:

We have to exude positivity publicly in our workplace. As per one of higher ups, no one likes negativity in the workplace. 

Oh crap you might have my manager.

Gotta love toxic positivity.

What's funny is the people she claims I'm being negative to all say I'm one of the easiest and most polite to work with in the lab.

Guess who isn't.

   I just want to slap people who tell me I should smile more.  Especially if that comment comes from a guy.  Nothing like being a Stepford wife.  

[busymom]

Jan 8, 2024 15:22:52 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We're under tornado watch until 9 pm and the adjacent county to our northwest (and several others) are under tornado warning for another 15 minutes or so.  It's going to be a very scary night, and I have to go to a meeting at 6:30

    You stay safe!!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I just remembered here is the link to the Spongebob Comic.  I am still not entirely sure what I read but it sucked me in and I spent an hour and a half reading it.


stillinthesimulation.com/untitled-comic/the-bikini-bottom-horror-chapter-1-rise-of-the-star/

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jan 8, 2024 13:29:45 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I asked Mister this morning what was going on, why hasn’t he been talking to me. He hasn’t said much to me at all since Thursday.

He said he is agitated and conflicted. I asked about what. He said things with us, and the fact that his birthday is coming up and his Momma won’t bake him a pie and his parents won’t go to dinner with him.

I was thinking about things last night, and how even though we have had issues before, things have never been like this between us and we’ve never gone this long being at odds. I also thought about how it’s only been 4 months since his Dad died and next month will be a year for his Mom. So I wasn’t surprised today when he mentioned them and his birthday.

I already figured next month would be difficult, but since we already are in a bad place, looks like it will probably be worse than difficult, and it’s starting already. His birthday is in February, his Mom died less than a week after his birthday, and his brother’s birthday is a week after that, all in February. And of course they won’t have their Dad on their birthdays either, and it still won’t even be 6 months since his death.

I don’t know what it feels like, but I do understand that it must be very painful. Instead of letting me be there for him, he seems hell bent on pushing me away. I don’t know what to do with that. It’s depressing.

First holidays and birthdays without his parents.  I suspect Mother’s and Father’s day will be rough too.  

He needs to not be taking this out on you though.  I’d probably tell him to let you know when he stops punishing you for his parent’s deaths, that you love him and would like to have a relationship with him, but you are tired of being his whipping boy.  

[daisylu]

Jan 8, 2024 15:22:52 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We're under tornado watch until 9 pm and the adjacent county to our northwest (and several others) are under tornado warning for another 15 minutes or so.  It's going to be a very scary night, and I have to go to a meeting at 6:30

Stay safe! 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 8, 2024 16:02:46 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Jan 8, 2024 13:29:45 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I asked Mister this morning what was going on, why hasn’t he been talking to me. He hasn’t said much to me at all since Thursday.

He said he is agitated and conflicted. I asked about what. He said things with us, and the fact that his birthday is coming up and his Momma won’t bake him a pie and his parents won’t go to dinner with him.

I was thinking about things last night, and how even though we have had issues before, things have never been like this between us and we’ve never gone this long being at odds. I also thought about how it’s only been 4 months since his Dad died and next month will be a year for his Mom. So I wasn’t surprised today when he mentioned them and his birthday.

I already figured next month would be difficult, but since we already are in a bad place, looks like it will probably be worse than difficult, and it’s starting already. His birthday is in February, his Mom died less than a week after his birthday, and his brother’s birthday is a week after that, all in February. And of course they won’t have their Dad on their birthdays either, and it still won’t even be 6 months since his death.

I don’t know what it feels like, but I do understand that it must be very painful. Instead of letting me be there for him, he seems hell bent on pushing me away. I don’t know what to do with that. It’s depressing.

First holidays and birthdays without his parents.  I suspect Mother’s and Father’s day will be rough too.  

He needs to not be taking this out on you though.  I’d probably tell him to let you know when he stops punishing you for his parent’s deaths, that you love him and would like to have a relationship with him, but you are tired of being his whipping boy.  

I'm sure he's struggling with what he believed his parents relationship with each other and him were and what they actually were and it has him questioning other relationships.  Hence the gold digger comments

BUT that is a him problem.  HE is the common denominator in allowing himself to be walked all over and acting like everyone's savior.  His lack of boundaries is his problem to fix not to take out on Pink.

He needs to stop using her as a punching bag and scapegoat for all his emotional baggage.

As I have told DH if you want to keep it up go ahead.  I'm adult enough to cut you loose and let you find this supposed ideal woman you've built up in your head.  I'd hate for you to stay in a marriage where you are so miserable and I am such a sorry excuse for a wife.

Calling their bluff seems to shake them up.   I reminded him this isn't 1950 where I can't even get so much as a credit card in my own name.  I don't have to take your shit lest my own survival be at risk.  

[wvugurl26]

The first holidays do suck. I'm not perfect but I am trying not to take it all out on DH. If he could fix it all, he would. Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard because I realized I had nowhere to go. No celebration for my family. My parents are divorced and we are all scattered.

We are having Christmas Sunday at my dad's. And dad will retire this year so there will be more options in 2024.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 8, 2024 15:22:52 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We're under tornado watch until 9 pm and the adjacent county to our northwest (and several others) are under tornado warning for another 15 minutes or so.  It's going to be a very scary night, and I have to go to a meeting at 6:30

Oh dear, I know how scary that can be. I hope and pray that the tornado watch ends with nothing bad having happened. Please keep us updated, so we know you are okay.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Wilbur is the worst coworker!  He constantly steals things and puts them in his mouth and he poops on the floor. Right now he's sleeping during work hours.

But he gives really good snuggles and is cute so I suppose that makes up for his performance.    I'd much rather work with Wilbur than with some of my actual coworkers.

[lurkyloo]

Jan 8, 2024 15:41:05 GMT -5 busymom said:

Jan 8, 2024 13:29:00 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Oh crap you might have my manager.

Gotta love toxic positivity.

What's funny is the people she claims I'm being negative to all say I'm one of the easiest and most polite to work with in the lab.

Guess who isn't.

   I just want to slap people who tell me I should smile more.  Especially if that comment comes from a guy.  Nothing like being a Stepford wife.  

I actually pushed back, gently, on my SIL who was trying to be all positive about me going to check on my mother.  I’ll do it because I feel it’s necessary but asking me to be positive and happy-about spending five days of precious downtime traveling to check on someone who is a. difficult to bring in line with reality and b. has consistently put me last, with varying levels of hurtfulness-is just rude.

Don’t have the guts to do it in a work setting, unfortunately…although I suppose you could argue my lack of toxic positivity is part of why I felt it necessary to leave my last position.  No one in a work setting has ever had the guts to tell me to smile more however 

[countrygirl2]

Wouldn't you know. I turn on the oven and put in the thermometer and the temperature is perfect, absolutely perfect this time. Too late oven, you have varied all over the place and now trying to make me look wrong.  Grrrrr!

[finnime]

soupandstew, stay safe. And like Pink Cashmere said, let us know how you do.


NomoreDramaQ1015 and giramomma, I hope to god you find yourselves in vastly better job situations very very soon. It isn't right.


Pink Cashmere, I agree with The Walk of the Penguin Mich, you should tell Mister that you hurt that he's huring BUT you are not the cause; you want to help in a real way rather than be a punching bag.

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 8, 2024 13:15:07 GMT -5 giramomma said:

We have to exude positivity publicly in our workplace. As per one of higher ups, no one likes negativity in the workplace. 

Do you interact with the public?  If not, as long as you are pleasant to your co-workers, who cares. 


The more of this stuff I see, the happier I am that I am no longer in the workplace 

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 8, 2024 16:14:43 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jan 8, 2024 16:02:46 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

First holidays and birthdays without his parents.  I suspect Mother’s and Father’s day will be rough too.  

He needs to not be taking this out on you though.  I’d probably tell him to let you know when he stops punishing you for his parent’s deaths, that you love him and would like to have a relationship with him, but you are tired of being his whipping boy.  

I'm sure he's struggling with what he believed his parents relationship with each other and him were and what they actually were and it has him questioning other relationships.  Hence the gold digger comments

BUT that is a him problem.  HE is the common denominator in allowing himself to be walked all over and acting like everyone's savior.  His lack of boundaries is his problem to fix not to take out on Pink.

He needs to stop using her as a punching bag and scapegoat for all his emotional baggage.

As I have told DH if you want to keep it up go ahead.  I'm adult enough to cut you loose and let you find this supposed ideal woman you've built up in your head.  I'd hate for you to stay in a marriage where you are so miserable and I am such a sorry excuse for a wife.

Calling their bluff seems to shake them up.   I reminded him this isn't 1950 where I can't even get so much as a credit card in my own name.  I don't have to take your shit lest my own survival be at risk.  

It didn’t occur to me that that might be where the gold digger shit is coming from, but you might be right.

Wherever it is coming from, he is definitely stuck on thinking that I am using him. And I’m stuck on it too, because it really hurts my feelings and makes me very angry. Because I know that I have put plenty of my money where my mouth is, as far as being a good partner to him and even spending money on him, buying him stuff and paying for stuff that I knew he wanted or would like, but wouldn’t spend the money to do for himself. Not for birthdays or Christmas, just whenever, no special occasion needed. In my mind, our relationship and my love for him was the special occasion when I did those things, just to see him smile.

He knows that I’ve been weird since I was a teenager, about not wanting people to think I am like my Mom. He knows that providing a comfortable lifestyle for my children as a single Mom, when their Dad wouldn’t pay even $150/month in child support, and being able to accomplish the few little raggedy things that I have, by myself, is a source of pride for me. He knows I’d rather go without, than ask somebody for some money. Hell, I’ve gone without last year, because of my pride, when in reality, I should’ve been able to ask him for what I needed. That’s not even how that’s supposed to work in a partnership, but me not asking is my hangup. Anyway, all of that is why him saying that is one of the worst things he could say to me.

And damn right I’m not affectionate or whatever anymore. Who in their right mind would keep trying to be loving to somebody that keeps rejecting them and constantly acts an ass? I might not really be in my right mind these days, but even I won’t do that.

I apologize for going on another rant about the same shit. It’s just that besides me being hurt and angry, I am also sad that after everything we’ve been through, this is where we ended up.

[TheOtherMe]

Jan 8, 2024 13:29:45 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I asked Mister this morning what was going on, why hasn’t he been talking to me. He hasn’t said much to me at all since Thursday.

He said he is agitated and conflicted. I asked about what. He said things with us, and the fact that his birthday is coming up and his Momma won’t bake him a pie and his parents won’t go to dinner with him.

I was thinking about things last night, and how even though we have had issues before, things have never been like this between us and we’ve never gone this long being at odds. I also thought about how it’s only been 4 months since his Dad died and next month will be a year for his Mom. So I wasn’t surprised today when he mentioned them and his birthday.

I already figured next month would be difficult, but since we already are in a bad place, looks like it will probably be worse than difficult, and it’s starting already. His birthday is in February, his Mom died less than a week after his birthday, and his brother’s birthday is a week after that, all in February. And of course they won’t have their Dad on their birthdays either, and it still won’t even be 6 months since his death.

I don’t know what it feels like, but I do understand that it must be very painful. Instead of letting me be there for him, he seems hell bent on pushing me away. I don’t know what to do with that. It’s depressing.

Pink, in my personal experience, both my birthday, my parents' birthdays and Christmas are very difficult.  It's been almost 10 years since my mom died.  

I do know the first year was by far the hardest.  

My dad always called and sang happy birthday.  My sister and I made sure he did it on each of our birthdays.  So he sang to me two months before he died.  I so wish I had recorded it, even though he no longer knew the words.  

Is he open to a grief support group.  He has so much grief to deal with and I did find them to be supportive.

ETA:  I thing Mich and Drama said it better than I did.  It's not you.  It's him and all of his emotions.

[TheOtherMe]

You all know that I have been doing genealogy.  Since a lot of what I have uncovered in records about my dad did not jive with what he had told me, I decided to check the one thing on my mom that I knew I could.  

I wanted to find out her address and who she worked for when she moved to town.  She moved to town during WWII and no city directory was published.  The first one published after the war was in 1947.  She and dad got married late in the year.  That took forever to prove because of the way the spelling was messed up in the indexes.  

I requested the public library to send me a copy of the page from the 1947 city directory showing her address.  I know city directories also show the employer.

I received the information by email today.  What she told me was true.  The researcher there said they charge $7.50 per half an hour of research and I could easily find this myself at the library.  I can't go down there and back for $7.50.  So this was money well spent in my mind.

[Pink Cashmere]

Oh, and he has decided he’s buying him a Mustang. He’s been talking about it for a couple of weeks. Today I asked him if he was serious and he said yes. He already knows which one he wants, he just has to find it.

When he first started talking about it, he said he didn’t think it was something we should have a conversation about since he’s the one that would be paying for it. I said that I’ve always been clear about him having whatever he wants, but I also thought that partners talked about large purchases like that, instead of just doing it. He said he didn’t think that was necessary, since he’s the one that would be paying for it. 

So today I asked him where he’s going to park it. He said in the garage, he’ll put his Honda in the driveway (with the other THREE vehicles in the driveway). I said where is my car suppose to go? Both Honda’s just barely fit in the garage together, you can’t even walk between either car and the wall next to it. That is why I back mine in. For somebody to get in on the passenger side of either car, we have to pull it out of the garage into the driveway. I am guessing that a Mustang is bigger than his car. He said I don’t drive my car much anyway, it can go in the driveway too. NO SIR!

I think it is a terrible decision to spend $50-60k on a car right now, for a few reasons. But he is Mr. Moneybags that will be paying for it, and I’m just some gold digger, so WTF do I know.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jan 8, 2024 17:22:24 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Jan 8, 2024 13:29:45 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I asked Mister this morning what was going on, why hasn’t he been talking to me. He hasn’t said much to me at all since Thursday.

He said he is agitated and conflicted. I asked about what. He said things with us, and the fact that his birthday is coming up and his Momma won’t bake him a pie and his parents won’t go to dinner with him.

I was thinking about things last night, and how even though we have had issues before, things have never been like this between us and we’ve never gone this long being at odds. I also thought about how it’s only been 4 months since his Dad died and next month will be a year for his Mom. So I wasn’t surprised today when he mentioned them and his birthday.

I already figured next month would be difficult, but since we already are in a bad place, looks like it will probably be worse than difficult, and it’s starting already. His birthday is in February, his Mom died less than a week after his birthday, and his brother’s birthday is a week after that, all in February. And of course they won’t have their Dad on their birthdays either, and it still won’t even be 6 months since his death.

I don’t know what it feels like, but I do understand that it must be very painful. Instead of letting me be there for him, he seems hell bent on pushing me away. I don’t know what to do with that. It’s depressing.

Pink, in my personal experience, both my birthday, my parents' birthdays and Christmas are very difficult.  It's been almost 10 years since my mom died.  

I do know the first year was by far the hardest.  

My dad always called and sang happy birthday.  My sister and I made sure he did it on each of our birthdays.  So he sang to me two months before he died.  I so wish I had recorded it, even though he no longer knew the words.  

Is he open to a grief support group.  He has so much grief to deal with and I did find them to be supportive.

ETA:  I thing Mich and Drama said it better than I did.  It's not you.  It's him and all of his emotions.

I hope I don’t come across as insensitive, because I really do get it about the grieving part, and days that make it even harder. I do. My Mom is still alive, my biological father is deceased, but we never had a relationship, so I haven’t experienced it firsthand, but I can imagine how hard it is. I have a ton of compassion for him because of that, and that’s the only reason I haven’t punched him in his throat.

But he could just say, “Baby, I am really struggling” or something like that, instead of just acting an ass and being hurtful toward me. When I know he’s being weird because of grief, I cruise through and ask if he needs anything, if he wants me to sit with him or whatever, and make myself scarce if he doesn’t want to be bothered. I don’t get upset with him when I know he’s having those moments.

So just say something, instead of holding it all in and taking shit out on me that doesn’t really have anything to do with me. I know I’m not perfect, and I can take it with grace if he has a genuine issue with me that needs to be addressed. But don’t just make shit up…..  I’m not here for all of this other asshole shit.

He has a therapist, but lately he only makes appointments when I start bugging him about it. I seriously doubt he would do a grief support group. And even if he did, he would be the oddball just sitting there and not participating.

[lurkyloo]

Jan 8, 2024 14:57:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

On the weirdness scale,
How weird is it that my boss has not contacted me at all since I turned in my resignation? I didn’t send the resignation to her, just to the overall boss.

Under normal circumstances, very weird.
Based on what you’ve described in this particular case, probably a blessing.

[weltz]

Jan 8, 2024 15:22:52 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We're under tornado watch until 9 pm and the adjacent county to our northwest (and several others) are under tornado warning for another 15 minutes or so.  It's going to be a very scary night, and I have to go to a meeting at 6:30

Oh, no!  Stay safe!

[lurkyloo]

Jan 8, 2024 18:04:24 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Jan 8, 2024 17:22:24 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Pink, in my personal experience, both my birthday, my parents' birthdays and Christmas are very difficult.  It's been almost 10 years since my mom died.  

I do know the first year was by far the hardest.  

My dad always called and sang happy birthday.  My sister and I made sure he did it on each of our birthdays.  So he sang to me two months before he died.  I so wish I had recorded it, even though he no longer knew the words.  

Is he open to a grief support group.  He has so much grief to deal with and I did find them to be supportive.

ETA:  I thing Mich and Drama said it better than I did.  It's not you.  It's him and all of his emotions.

I hope I don’t come across as insensitive, because I really do get it about the grieving part, and days that make it even harder. I do. My Mom is still alive, my biological father is deceased, but we never had a relationship, so I haven’t experienced it firsthand, but I can imagine how hard it is. I have a ton of compassion for him because of that, and that’s the only reason I haven’t punched him in his throat.

But he could just say, “Baby, I am really struggling” or something like that, instead of just acting an ass and being hurtful toward me. When I know he’s being weird because of grief, I cruise through and ask if he needs anything, if he wants me to sit with him or whatever, and make myself scarce if he doesn’t want to be bothered. I don’t get upset with him when I know he’s having those moments.

So just say something, instead of holding it all in and taking shit out on me that doesn’t really have anything to do with me. I know I’m not perfect, and I can take it with grace if he has a genuine issue with me that needs to be addressed. But don’t just make shit up…..  I’m not here for all of this other asshole shit.

He has a therapist, but lately he only makes appointments when I start bugging him about it. I seriously doubt he would do a grief support group. And even if he did, he would be the oddball just sitting there and not participating.

Not that it excuses them, but I do wonder if your therapist was pushing couples counseling bc they could tell Mister was the one who desperately needed therapy.

Hugs.  It sucks living the cold war.  At some point one side needs to offer an olive branch but-this is key-the other side has to accept it and not just respond with a flamethrower.