Wedding Season: How much are you gifting?

[Deleted]

We went to a wedding last weekend. Friend of DW's from college. $125.

[Deleted]

Usually about $100-$200 depending on how close we are to the person.
My wife tends to give both gifts/money

[chiver78]

for the shower, I'll buy off the registry - usually glassware - in the vicinity of $50. the one exception - one of my best friends, she got a pair of Waterford Crystal champagne flutes that I bought a year ahead of time when I was in Ireland, right after they got engaged. that was about $110.

for the wedding, I go the cash route. sometimes check, to "Mr and Mrs Jones" and a 'congrats ' in the memo field. also, $50. I figure it will stretch farther because most places with registries will discount the unpurchased registry items for the registrants to purchase themselves after the event.

ETA: when I bring a date to the wedding, I'll double the dollar amount on the gift. I know I shouldn't feel like I have to pay for the extra plate, but I'm single. I don't expect to be invited with a guest, and don't usually bring one. on those rare occasions I do, I'll toss a little extra in the card.

[Deleted]

$25-$50 if I want to go and can't afford to, $50-200 if I go, higher if my DF goes with me. I rarely bring gifts, my age range we are moving around a lot and cash can be much more helpful.

[thyme4change]

I don't remember the last wedding I went to. I'm in the desert between friends getting married and friends' kids getting married. I'm hoping to marry off a few neices and nephews in the next 5 years. I'll be ultra generous with them. I do have an employee that is getting married. I'll be generous with her. Even more so if she invites me.

What do you do about the wave of second weddings that will be coming my way? At least I expect a wave, since half the people I know are divorcing.

[Firebird]

Apr 14, 2011 10:33:42 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Usually about $100-$200 depending on how close we are to the person.
My wife tends to give both gifts/money

cawiau, you guys are welcome to come to my wedding if you want!

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2011 10:40:22 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Apr 14, 2011 10:33:42 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Usually about $100-$200 depending on how close we are to the person.
My wife tends to give both gifts/money

cawiau, you guys are welcome to come to my wedding if you want!

I started a thread about this in the past and this issue is still not resolved.

She was raised that way and her family still does it: they send a gift to the bridal shower or before the wedding and bring cash to the wedding.

So every time a wedding has come up in the past it always been a issue: I feel if I am getting you a gift or already got you one, why should I be giving you cash?

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2011 11:00:02 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Apr 14, 2011 10:40:22 GMT -5 Firebird said:

cawiau, you guys are welcome to come to my wedding if you want!

I started a thread about this in the past and this issue is still not resolved.

She was raised that way and her family still does it: they send a gift to the bridal shower or before the wedding and bring cash to the wedding.

So every time a wedding has come up in the past it always been a issue: I feel if I am getting you a gift or already got you one, why should I be giving you cash?

My fiance's family is this way... and they are making me do a money dance. If it would not upset them, I would not do it, I think money dances are tacky.

[Deleted]

Money dances are SUPER tacky. Don't do it!!!!

[Deleted]

^^^ At the risk of hijacking this thread, what the heck is a "money dance"?

[resolution]

We usually give cash, but it ends up being a debate how much. I want to give $100 and he wants to give $50.

eta: A money dance is when the guests pay to dance with the bride or groom, and sometimes pin money to their clothes. It is something from a few ethnic groups, like polish.

[Firebird]

I'm with you, cawiau. Especially if you happen to be in the wedding party. A friend of mine was in tears last year because the Bridezilla was basically forcing all of them to a) travel to her destination wedding, b) buy expensive dresses, c) attend/host MULTIPLE showers and bring a gift to each of them (WTF?) and d) acting like all of this was due her because she was getting married, never once acknowledging that cost might be a slight issue.

And my friend was IN COLLEGE at the time. She was also working like a good little YM soldier. She did NOT have this kind of cash to throw around. I didn't know the bride (probably a good thing, because I was furious) but I couldn't believe that kind of gift-grabbing.

[Firebird]

^^^ At the risk of hijacking this thread, what the heck is a "money dance"?

It's REALLY tacky. The bride and groom dance and people go up to them and stuff dollar bills in their clothes.

Yeah, we won't be doing that.

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2011 11:23:56 GMT -5 Firebird said:

^^^ At the risk of hijacking this thread, what the heck is a "money dance"?

It's REALLY tacky. The bride and groom dance and people go up to them and stuff dollar bills in their clothes.

Yeah, we won't be doing that.

I am looking for a small white purse that I can hang across my body. I tried telling my fiance's family that I did not want to do it but they won't listen. My fsil finally pulled me aside and suggested I get a purse because then at least they won't pin it on my dress or try to put money down my dress (I'll slap someone if they try that). What can I do if they will just do it anyway? Now I just need to find a small purse in the next 29 days... it is not working. Firebird, if you or startsmart hear of a bride slapping her inlaws at a wedding back in SJ, you will know it was me

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2011 11:23:15 GMT -5 Firebird said:

I'm with you, cawiau. Especially if you happen to be in the wedding party. A friend of mine was in tears last year because the Bridezilla was basically forcing all of them to a) travel to her destination wedding, b) buy expensive dresses, c) attend/host MULTIPLE showers and bring a gift to each of them (WTF?) and d) acting like all of this was due her because she was getting married, never once acknowledging that cost might be a slight issue.

And my friend was IN COLLEGE at the time. She was also working like a good little YM soldier. She did NOT have this kind of cash to throw around. I didn't know the bride (probably a good thing, because I was furious) but I couldn't believe that kind of gift-grabbing.

That was our case last October when we were "both" in her cousin wedding party.

She had to pay a dress for over $00 plus shoes, I rented my tux for $128, plus my wife had to drive to her bachelorette party, briday party (help organise both and bought a gift for the bridal shower) and the day of the wedding my wife called me (she slept at the bride to me house) to ask me not to forget to bring a blank check with me.

That conversation did not end well

I feel groomsmen and bridesmaid are exempt from having to buy gifts. Mine were, the groomsen wore a black suit they already owened with white shirt and we bought them ivory tie and the bridesmaids bought their own ivory dress (any style, lenght, etc as long as it was ivory).

Also our wedding party was just 4 people, my best man and a groomsman and 2 maid of honor (my wife has 2 best friends and could not pick one over the other).

[hoops902]

Apr 14, 2011 11:23:56 GMT -5 Firebird said:

^^^ At the risk of hijacking this thread, what the heck is a "money dance"?

It's REALLY tacky. The bride and groom dance and people go up to them and stuff dollar bills in their clothes.

Yeah, we won't be doing that.

I think there are a lot of variations that don't involve stuffing dollar bills in clothes...thankfully.

[Deleted]

[quote author=cawiau
the groomsen wore a black suit they already owened with white shit and we bought them ivory tie and the bridesmaids bought their own ivory dress
[/quote]

The white sh*t must have really done the trick. ;D

[Firebird]

I feel for you, gin. It sucks when your future family-in-law wants you to do something and you don't want to do it.

Actually, I may get some of that from my own family because my cousin did this at her wedding and no one thought it was tacky at all (except me and DF, who at the time was just a hot guy I ended up making out with at the reception, haha).

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2011 11:39:32 GMT -5 @jimmo85 said:

The white sh*t must have really done the trick. ;D

hahahaha ;D ;D

[thyme4change]

www.amazon.com/Timeless-Bridal-Purse-Wedding-Dollar/dp/B0044ZXAUY

www.amazon.com/White-Timeless-Bridal-Wedding-Dollar/dp/B003LLAYEW

factorydirectcraft.com/catalog/products/2346_2349_2384-21466-ivory_satin_bridal_beaded_wedding_money_dance_bag_purse.html

[thyme4change]

Gin - those are for you. I pasted and posted too fast.

[trytofindbalance]

Oh boy, I'm going to get flamed here. I'm from the East Coast and wedding are very big, expensive ordeals here. I usually spend about $50 on a shower gift (I did spend about $125 on one of my best friend's shower gifts) and I'm usually involved in spending money on some variation of a pre-wedding celebration too. We also spend between $200 - $400 for a cash gift at the wedding. We give based on how close we are to the Bride and/or Groom. My DH has a cousin's wedding in FL this year. I'm not attending because I cannot take that particular time off of work, but DH has to buy a plane ticket and pay for travel related expenses and we'll still probably give about $300 . I usually send $100 if I'm not attending a wedding for some reason (but again, more if I'm really close to the people getting married and just can't make it).

BTW...I just got married 2 years ago and almost all of my guests gave a minimum of $100 pp. I had many guests who gave more and my brothers gave us $1000 each.

[lynnerself]

Niece is getting maried in June. We're spending about $200 total for shower and wedding, mostly off the registry.

[kgb18]

If I'm invited to the shower, I buy off the registry. For the wedding we usually give cash, somewhere between $50 and $100 depending on how close we are with the couple. I don't skimp on the gift if I'm in the wedding. In our area that's pretty standard.

[reader79]

So how much should I gift to my cousin next month? My airplane ticket was $500+, hotel $400, car rental $190.....etc.

Actually - i'm making my mother put the check in the card, so i'm thinking $100? I'm the only one going. They aren't registered anywhere, I asked my aunt and she just said that my presence would be gift enough.

[973beachbum]

I normally give $150 total. I split it $50 for the shower and $100 wedding if I go to the shower.

At this point I am willing to double it for anyone in the family who elopes and just sends an announcement afterwords.

[Cookies Galore]

We normally give $100 and call it a day. I don't over think weddings.
This year is the first time in three years that we don't have a wedding to attend. I'm free!!!!!!!! FREE!!!!!!!!!!

[Deleted]

Apr 14, 2011 11:47:10 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Gin - those are for you. I pasted and posted too fast.

Thanks !!

[Nazgul Girl]

Fifty bucks if you're a good friend or a kid that I like of a good friend, $ 175 to $ 250 if you're relative.

[greenstone]

There are a lot of factors to consider but luckily for me the situations have usually been pretty straight-forward. If I am invited to the bridal shower, I buy off the registry and spend between $35-50. For the wedding, I usually give $50 as cash or gift card (to a store where they are registered). I tend to stick to this amount even for close family members because I live 1200m from my relatives so attending the wedding entails a flight, hotel room, rental car, etc. If they can't appreciate that then as my Grandma says, "to hell with them". I've actually never been invited to a wedding that I haven't attended, but in that case, I would probably send $100 for a close friend/family.

@cawiai I remember the thread about your wife giving a present and cash but I had it in my head that you meant she sent both a wedding gift and then gave cash in a card, which would be extreme. But reading your earlier comment, did you mean your wife gives a shower gift and then cash at the wedding? I am asking because in my circle of family/friends a "shower gift" and a "wedding gift" are two separate things. If you are invited to the shower (as most women who are invited to wedding are) then you are expected to bring a shower gift. In my experience, this usually cleans out the registry so then cash is given at the wedding. Since shower gifts are opened at the shower in front of everyone, not giving one or going cheap would be very obvious. Also, attending a wedding and not giving a gift also seems to be a major faux pas. A funny thing I've noticed on these boards is that while everyone says that gifts are not mandatory and never expected, most people can name every single person/couple who attended their wedding and didn't give a gift.
In the same vein, do you consider funds spend at a bachelor party as part of the wedding gift?