Covid19 Anxiety

[swamp]

I've been looking at the numbers and keep telling myself that even if I get it chances are i will just feel like shit for a while and not die.  

[nikiz628]

Apr 1, 2020 12:49:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm going to say logically I understand all this and I am well aware of how lucky I am.

 However anxiety does not care about that, if it did then I wouldn't have to deal with.  I do consider myself incredibly lucky that the buck stops at having dark thoughts. 


I cannot imagine how people with more severe mental issues are handling this right now.  I pray that they are able to get the help they need through video conference.  Mental health services are essential too. 

Of course you understand. But anxiety laughs in the face of logic. 

[TheOtherMe]

Apr 1, 2020 12:49:23 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I'm going to say logically I understand all this and I am well aware of how lucky I am.

 However anxiety does not care about that, if it did then I wouldn't have to deal with.  I do consider myself incredibly lucky that the buck stops at having dark thoughts. 


I cannot imagine how people with more severe mental issues are handling this right now.  I pray that they are able to get the help they need through video conference.  Mental health services are essential too. 

My much needed appointments are being done through video conference.  I couldn't make it without them.  

I have told my therapist about my dark thoughts and she told me at what point to call her.  So far, I have only needed one extra appointment.  

[finnime]

I'm very glad, TheOtherMe, that you have the right professional help.

Courage.

My DD is swimming in panic. She's very much a people person and going for days without seeing anyone just hurts her badly. I go see her when I can, because she needs that contact.

[Deleted]

I feel hopeless.

[TheOtherMe]

Apr 1, 2020 14:59:03 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

I feel hopeless.

[Ava]

Well, this is starting to get at me.

I live alone and I work from home. I need social interaction, but I can't go out to socialize right now.

I am sitting all day at the kitchen table because we are actually swamped at work. But not in a good way. Basically everybody needs payment relief and we are working on restructuring loans.
The problem is, after this is over, it's very likely many, many businesses won't make it and will file bankruptcy. How long can our department go on like this? And we'll probably end up with a smaller pool of customers to service. I wonder if all of us will make it though or some team members, or myself, will lose our jobs.

I haven't been able to enjoy the few sunny days. I can't go out, I'm sitting down all day and glued to a screen. I can't bake, do a deep cleaning of my house, work on any project, etc. or in any way take advantage of being at home all day.
All I'm doing is work, work work. We are so behind we are required to use the time we commuted to work, since we are saving the commute. So I'm not commuting but I'm working longer hours.
By evening I'm exhausted, hungry and my brain is mush.
And I don't see anyone except once a week when I go to the supermarket.
I don't know how much longer I can go like this.

Today I talked to a coworker and she also feels very lonely. We miss spending time together and she invited me to visit her. I told her I'll think about it, but damn I want to go.

I try to keep in touch with friends and family so I call everyone on the weekends. But it's not the same as going out to visit friends who live nearby, or have a plane ticket to visit family at year-end. 

I am also worried about my mother. She lives alone thousands of miles away in a different country. She's self isolating and has been for over 3 weeks now. She's very healthy but almost 78 years old.
She calls me every day and nags, nags, nags. Are you eating healthy, are you exercising, are you disinfecting everything. That's the questionnaire I have to fill out every day. She asks the same questions every day, gives me the same lectures every day and continues to nag. You need to move, you need to eat healthy, you need to clean and disinfect.

I didn't answer the phone when she called today and she proceeded to call 3 more times. Of course now I feel horrible because I know she's lonely and misses talking to me.
I just don't have the mental capacity to keep dealing with her daily.
I'm also kind of offended because I told her I'm exhausted and she doesn't understand why since I'm home all day.
Then I said it would be nice, if I'm going to be home, to not have to work at least for a couple of weeks so I can get stuff done. And she says, you are not good for anything, what would you do all day if you didn't have a job?

Emotionally, I feel so low that I'm jealous of a friend who got laid off. With the stimulus check coming in and the $600 a week extra in unemployment, he's living well. His wife still works and carries the benefits, he has a backyard and likes to motorcycle. So when I call them he's always happy and in a good mood. It's like a 4 months paid vacation for him. He actually has a very marketable skill (autobody) and will get a job when things get back to normal.
Isn't it horrible that now I'm jealous of him? At first I was worried about them pulling through and now I have negative feelings.
I should be happy he's well. He sleeps longer, cooks, cleans, sits in the backyard, goes out on his bike, and in the evenings watches a movie with his wife.
That's not me, feeling envy for other people, but that's were I am right now.

Wow, what a vent. It feels good to let it all out.

[Tennesseer]

Apr 1, 2020 14:59:03 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

I feel hopeless.

Hang in there and here, missrigby. We are all in this together.

[busymom]

We've just gotta do this one day at a time.  No one knows for how long, and that's what makes this hard.  But, we can do this! 



This will make you laugh:  now that I can't go anywhere to get my hair trimmed, it's decided to grow quickly.  I did some digging, and found some old-fashioned hair combs to pull my hair back once it starts getting into my eyes.  First world problems, right?  

[weltschmerz]

Being forced to stay home is a damned sight better that being forced out of it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I would like people to please stop with the "Stay the F home!" lectures and memes on Facebook.  I am already well aware I am putting my family and possibly others at risk but my work has been deemed "essential".

I feel anxious enough about it without constant reminders I may kill someone.   Would you like to come explain to my employer why they should not be open?   

I work in a lab, so get off your high horse about you working from home before I punch you.  I would kill to have the option to work from home like you do right now.  I am not being an irresponsible bitch who wants to kill old people, I have to go into work because unless you want to pay my bills my employer expects me there.

I also carry our health insurance.  It would be the height of irresponsibility for me to walk off my job right now.   What if one of us came down with it before we could get enrolled in DH's medical plan?  How does that help anyone?   Would it make you feel better since I was taking your advice and quitting my job in the name of protecting you?

I am so tired all the time.   Having to remember every step I need to take just to go to the grocery store right now takes it's toll.  The endless guilt trip about how I am going to kill my child, my parents, my in laws because you see me driving my car to/from work during week days is an unneeded extra burden.

Meanwhile your husband stood in a line of 200+ people to get TP at Sam's when you already have more than you need.   HOW exactly are you better than me?   I work isolated in a lab with only nine people, covered head to foot in PPE along with constant sterilization of surfaces. 

Compare that to standing shoulder to shoulder in a line of 200+ people for 3 hours over TP.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oh and I don't appreciate being lectured about working outside the house while in the same breath you are asking if I can get you some PPE!

Nice real nice. Apparently your safety pretty much outweighs everything in my life. First it's I am a bad person for working outside the house therefore sentencing everyone I know to potential death.   Now I'm not being helpful because I won't steal from my employer and risk termination therefore sentencing everyone I know to potential death.

Can't win can I?

I have a feeling I'm not the only science field employee in this boat. It's going to be awhile before bad blood being generated by this goes away.

THINK before you open your mouths people.  DO NOT ask the people you know who use PPE for their jobs to give it to you.   It's beyond selfish.   

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2020 17:43:06 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I would like people to please stop with the "Stay the F home!" lectures and memes on Facebook.  I am already well aware I am putting my family and possibly others at risk but my work has been deemed "essential".

I always took those as targeting the people spending an hour browsing the aisles at Walmart for something to do or in the case of our town groups of 20 or more college aged kids playing basketball at the park.  Not people going to work that are required to.  

[buystoys]

Hugs, Drama!  Feel free to vent here all you need to!

[TheOtherMe]

Drama, I have been sharing those to make a point with my sister who does not get it yet.  She does not understand that her allowing her adult children who do not live in her home to visit is the reason she is not with her new grandson right now.  

She has no comprehension of the reason.  None whatsoever.

I have shared them.  

I also shared one about our stupid governor dividing the state in to regions and assigning numbers.  She thinks a virus is going to observe her lines?  She's crazy and does not believe the science.  Today she disagreed with Dr. Fauci.

[bean29]

I agree about the crap people are posting on FB. Stay the F home? Well I go to work and grocery store/bank as

“Join the challenge of posting a picture of some landscape from a place where you've been, where the main requirement is that you NOT appear in it. Just a picture, no description. The goal is to flood profiles with landscape photos to give a twist on the situation we're going through.” Turned me off, Elitist.

DD has a friend posing about the masks too. I really can’t change anything so why lecture me?

Then earlier one of my cousins was raging about liberals not supporting Trump.

I nearly Deleted the app from my phone, just not very relevant imho.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I almost cried when I got my letter excusing me from the apocalypse.

DH was livid which I understand. Also he's worked with livestock he is well aware of how "essential" we really are.

But what can I do? I'm getting real tired of people trying to explain to me how my job should work. Believe me I'm well aware of the situation.

We are all questioning our life choices in the lab right now. Especially when it keeps being said that this will be my normal for 18 months.

You go to Washington and talk to Homeland Security.

Then I'm back to worried about the business. Can restaurants still do take out in a lockdown? That loan will not go.far if every place has to shutter itself doors for 18 months.

Back to thinking what is the point of living. Either I already have it like The Walking Dead and don't know it or I'm going to get it.

So sit in your house or work in my case waiting till your hospital bed is up in 18 months. But remember smile and be proud of what you're doing for your country!

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Apr 1, 2020 14:17:52 GMT -5 swamp said:

I've been looking at the numbers and keep telling myself that even if I get it chances are i will just feel like shit for a while and not die.  

I've had pretty mild symptoms the past few weeks but my breathing/coughing got worse the past few days. I still think every day my immune system is producing more and more soldiers to fight this but when things get a bit worse, I do get scared wondering where it may go.

There have been plenty of younger folks who got very bad or even died. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to who does poorly and who never even knows they have it. 

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Apr 1, 2020 20:34:48 GMT -5 Ava said:

Well, this is starting to get at me.

I live alone and I work from home. I need social interaction, but I can't go out to socialize right now.

I am sitting all day at the kitchen table because we are actually swamped at work. But not in a good way. Basically everybody needs payment relief and we are working on restructuring loans.
The problem is, after this is over, it's very likely many, many businesses won't make it and will file bankruptcy. How long can our department go on like this? And we'll probably end up with a smaller pool of customers to service. I wonder if all of us will make it though or some team members, or myself, will lose our jobs.

I haven't been able to enjoy the few sunny days. I can't go out, I'm sitting down all day and glued to a screen. I can't bake, do a deep cleaning of my house, work on any project, etc. or in any way take advantage of being at home all day.
All I'm doing is work, work work. We are so behind we are required to use the time we commuted to work, since we are saving the commute. So I'm not commuting but I'm working longer hours.
By evening I'm exhausted, hungry and my brain is mush.
And I don't see anyone except once a week when I go to the supermarket.
I don't know how much longer I can go like this.

Today I talked to a coworker and she also feels very lonely. We miss spending time together and she invited me to visit her. I told her I'll think about it, but damn I want to go.

I try to keep in touch with friends and family so I call everyone on the weekends. But it's not the same as going out to visit friends who live nearby, or have a plane ticket to visit family at year-end. 

I am also worried about my mother. She lives alone thousands of miles away in a different country. She's self isolating and has been for over 3 weeks now. She's very healthy but almost 78 years old.
She calls me every day and nags, nags, nags. Are you eating healthy, are you exercising, are you disinfecting everything. That's the questionnaire I have to fill out every day. She asks the same questions every day, gives me the same lectures every day and continues to nag. You need to move, you need to eat healthy, you need to clean and disinfect.

I didn't answer the phone when she called today and she proceeded to call 3 more times. Of course now I feel horrible because I know she's lonely and misses talking to me.
I just don't have the mental capacity to keep dealing with her daily.
I'm also kind of offended because I told her I'm exhausted and she doesn't understand why since I'm home all day.
Then I said it would be nice, if I'm going to be home, to not have to work at least for a couple of weeks so I can get stuff done. And she says, you are not good for anything, what would you do all day if you didn't have a job?

Emotionally, I feel so low that I'm jealous of a friend who got laid off. With the stimulus check coming in and the $600 a week extra in unemployment, he's living well. His wife still works and carries the benefits, he has a backyard and likes to motorcycle. So when I call them he's always happy and in a good mood. It's like a 4 months paid vacation for him. He actually has a very marketable skill (autobody) and will get a job when things get back to normal.
Isn't it horrible that now I'm jealous of him? At first I was worried about them pulling through and now I have negative feelings.
I should be happy he's well. He sleeps longer, cooks, cleans, sits in the backyard, goes out on his bike, and in the evenings watches a movie with his wife.
That's not me, feeling envy for other people, but that's were I am right now.

Wow, what a vent. It feels good to let it all out.

Glad you were able to vent. I'm right there with you on everything!

Hang in there! all we can really do right now. 

[Deleted]

My job is essential. I don’t like it, but at least I can understand why. When I see the posts on FB for people to stay at home, I don’t take it personally because I know why I leave the house every day, and I know it’s not to goof off or defy the rules.

It is absolutely draining to be on guard constantly at work. I have bad allergies and I work in a dirty, dusty building. Even with me taking allergy meds, I have issues with my eyes and nose. I’m constantly walking to the bathroom (which isn’t exactly nearby) to wash my hands so I can blow my nose, then wash them again. This is all day. Nobody has said anything to me yet about constantly walking off, and if they do, I’ll offer a simple solution..... send me home.

The last few days I’ve worked in another area than where my job is, and it is literally impossible to maintain 6ft distance between us.

We’ve had at least one employee test positive for COVID, that one was confirmed by upper management. But we don’t know who it is, where they work, or even what shift they work. Nobody has seen any area of the building be shut down temporarily and sanitized. Since there are hundreds of us working in the building, I believe chances are good that there are more people walking around in there with it, even if they are asymptomatic and don’t know they have it.

My employer does provide plastic gloves (one of several things they are supposed to be giving us to help us protect ourselves) but then I see coworkers touch their personal items with those same plastic gloves on. And it drives me nuts. I’ve already got angry and yelled at a coworker because he grabbed my phone out of my hand with those dirty plastic gloves on.

And since they aren’t cleaning and sanitizing, my coworkers have started bringing cleaning products from home and sharing with each other to clean their work areas and the equipment they use. So now we have a variety of chemicals being used, and all the strong smells combining, which aggravates my nose and eyes even more. But I don’t blame my coworkers or get angry with them for that, we have to do what we can since our employer is doing little to nothing. Tomorrow, I will take some of my stash at home, to help with the effort. Yesterday there was an employee (not a custodian or manager) walking through, asking if we wanted him to spray down and clean our station (not where I normally work).

My nerves are pretty much shot on a constant basis. 

[TheOtherMe]

I'm sorry.  I wish I could help.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

May have found TP online. That or my mastercard is going to be hacked.

Hence why I used the mastercard. I'm not a total idiot.😉

If I'm right we'll have another 40 rolls plus hand sanitizer.

[finnime]

That sounds incredibly stressful, @pinkcshmere. Do what will help to keep yourself as safe as you can and don't worry about others thinking you wash your hands too much or whatever. You're doing what you can.

[TheOtherMe]

Talked to my nephew this evening.  His quarantine ended yesterday so he was out today replenishing.

He said there were some very bad days in the last 14 days and he had a mild case of COVID-19

[oped]

Maybe we just go off the grid now... Seriously. I can't take another press conference and what they represent... I can't take that people still believe in this asshole and think he is doing a good job. I can't stand that he is in charge and is still killing people with his decisions. I can't stand that we are all in this longer because we have raised up 40% of people who don't believe in science, and worship the false god of Trump...  I am so angry. 

[finnime]

Apr 4, 2020 19:00:48 GMT -5 oped said:

Maybe we just go off the grid now... Seriously. I can't take another press conference and what they represent... I can't take that people still believe in this asshole and think he is doing a good job. I can't stand that he is in charge and is still killing people with his decisions. I can't stand that we are all in this longer because we have raised up 40% of people who don't believe in science, and worship the false god of Trump...  I am so angry. 

I've stopped watching anything he is in. My disgust and anger had no place to go and it was hurting only me.

[countrygirl2]

Yep, I understand all of it too.

I too am tired of hearing people tell me to stay home. There are things that HAVE to be taken care of. That during all of this the state decided to cut MIL off so I have had to deal with all that paperwork, banks, lawyer, etc.

I KNOW we should not be out, I'm not stupid, and it scares me no matter I have masks, gloves, sanitizer, and do all you should. People look at me like I'm silly for taking precautions.

They don't give a crap that its life or death out there. VA deposited the money we can't use again. It's a nightmare. I don't want the stress involved, hubs can't do anything. I already told our attorney if something happens to me, help hubs take care of this. It's so convoluted I'm not so sure I can keep up with it.  And now we got a raise with no notification on MIL's expenses without notification, or is it one time? Something else to take care of. After I moved all the money.  What a f*** ing mess. I am tempted to throw up my arms but it would cost a small fortune to have the attorney do it.  We can't do that.

I am disillusioned with trump and company. I thought we were better protected from someone like that through our constitution and I guess we are not. We must have had good moral people all these years for it to have lasted this long.  I am just sickened by all I'm seeing and hearing from all kinds of things.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Back to emotional shopping. Especially in light of the events tonight I mentioned on Not YM and the kid thread.

Doesn't fill the void for long. Neither does eating my feelings.

One by one my outlets are being cut off.

Not sure I can develop new ones fast enough to not get crushed by it all.

Thinking about crying myself to sleep then not waking up till 2021.

[anciana]

Apr 4, 2020 8:25:55 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I almost cried when I got my letter excusing me from the apocalypse.

DH was livid which I understand. Also he's worked with livestock he is well aware of how "essential" we really are.

But what can I do? I'm getting real tired of people trying to explain to me how my job should work. Believe me I'm well aware of the situation.

We are all questioning our life choices in the lab right now. Especially when it keeps being said that this will be my normal for 18 months.

You go to Washington and talk to Homeland Security.

Then I'm back to worried about the business. Can restaurants still do take out in a lockdown? That loan will not go.far if every place has to shutter itself doors for 18 months.

Back to thinking what is the point of living. Either I already have it like The Walking Dead and don't know it or I'm going to get it.

So sit in your house or work in my case waiting till your hospital bed is up in 18 months. But remember smile and be proud of what you're doing for your country!

Drama, i could use your help! I was never trained on using a mask and since you’re using a mask every day in your lab and it has been recommended for all of us to do it, could you recommend an article or video or any kind of guidance how to do it safely, please? It will have to be home made ones with scarfs and bandanas but how does one go through a 8-10 hour work day with them? How often to replace so it doesn’t become ineffective because it is not dry any more, since I need to eat lunch somewhere in the middle of it and drink some water?
I guess handling it would be the usual, right? Put it on with clean hands, don’t touch it afterwards, take off and put away separate. What else am I not thinking of in addition to just using common sense as with any other ppe? Thank you!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I honestly don't know we use disposable one and done if we have to.  N95' are specially fitted and require professional certification.  I have no idea how to sterilize a reusable amask.   Sorry.

The main thing is if you are going to wear it don't mes with it till you're ready to take it off.  Pulling it down to eat, drink, or smoke (yes I've seen it) defeats the purpose.   Especially if you leave it dangling on your face because now the inside has touched various other parts of your face.

So you're going to need multiple masks for the day if you are going to be expected to wear one at all times.   Take the one you had on before you eat and put it in a sealed plastic baggy.   Wash your hands, get out of the new one and put the new one on.  Sterilize them all when you get home.

When you take them off don't touch the inside of the mask.   Only touch the elastic bands around your ears.   

When I wear a mask I get everything I need done with it on done because I don't want to have to go thru the whole gowning process over and over.