Covid19 Anxiety

[oped]

I’m a generally lazy housekeeper. I let things pile. It literally takes half or more of my day right now cleaning this place and attending to the self imposed protocols for incoming packages/groceries, etc. but there is no clutter, dishes and laundry are done and I’ve mopped twice this week? Logically I know it’s not likely all essential but it’s keeping me mostly sane.

[justme]

Mar 28, 2020 10:14:08 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Flummoxed.  Why are the viral monster cruise ships still sailing the the face of coronavirus?  What about those super people who are "immune" to anything that get on them?

covidiocy.

My neighbor keeps hosting dinner parties with one other couple. 

Do you want to go play tennis at the community courts that are open?  What about aerosolized  from a flying ball do you not understand?

Because no one will let them disembark. All of the cruises are from the beginning of March. Most cruises leave on Sat/Sun with another group on Mon/Fri with Tues/Wed/Thurs being more rare. So all these cruises likely embarked before March 10th. The HAL ship making headlines sailed on the 7th.

But you can't get off the ship of every port is saying fuck you. Hell mine was the last out of Puerto Rico who then said fuck you and we had to sail to Florida to get off.

[buystoys]

Thank you all for the kind words and prayers. 

[TheOtherMe]

Mar 28, 2020 17:50:25 GMT -5 buystoys said:

I'm getting anxious for my mom.  Her lung collapsed again.  She had a bronchoscopy yesterday and they took specimens for testing.  She's on O2 all the time now.  They're trying to keep her at home rather than at the hospital.  We're just waiting to find out if it's an infection, pneumonia, or more cancer.

[seriousthistime]

My daughter and son-in-law are on the front lines at the ERs.  They also check people returning from cruises.  

Anxiety: I worry terribly about their safety.  I've been able to buy/scrounge some N95 masks to send them.  Their hospitals provide them with some, but not enough. They get pushback from hospital admin about turning in masks at the end of their shifts so they can be "repurposed" and given to someone else the next day, or even using and keeping their own equipment to themselves.  They have bought their own safety goggles as well.  People they work with have been diagnosed with Covid-19.  

I lost patience with someone I know who straddles the liberal/conservative fence.  She said in a text that she questioned whether it was really as bad for the front lines as the media are playing it out.  She must be watching Faux News.  Dammit, yes, it IS as bad as they say, if not worse. She is retired, very social, and can't stand to stay in her house without being around people.  That is the sacrifice we are all making.  Another woman I know is related to a Trumper who works for a big hospital and that woman says there is no shortage of any PPE or equipment, that the thing is all a media hoax to discredit Trump.  REALLY?!?  Well, please, feel free to walk through any area of the hospital you like without PPE.  It might be "good" for you. 

Last week I was sitting at my home office station when I got a Jabber from my boss, wanting to do a telephone conference a bit earlier than we usually do it.  I thought it had been temporarily scratched during this new normal.  I was on the verge of a meltdown over my kids. When we started the call, I told him I was not having a good day and I might need to take some time off because I felt I was going to break.  He said to just take the time I need, let him know, and he will step in and cover for me.  After we were done talking about normal work stuff, I felt so much better just knowing I had that support. I was able to push through the rest of the week, and put down the work on Friday at 3:00.  Despite my dining room having been taken over with laptop, monitors, printer/scanner, and stacks and stacks and stacks of files, I have not even looked at my work this weekend. 

How I'm dealing: I stopped at the (all outdoor) Home Depot garden center the other day. I walked around among the beautiful plants and bought some.  There were just a few people and everyone was social distancing.  My daughter signed me up for Instacart and I got my first delivery yesterday.  She does not want me leaving the house. CVS is delivering a prescription refill for free. I take the dog on a walk once a day.  I've got a Zoom happy hour scheduled for tomorrow. 

I've been taking two Benadryl at bedtime for years. That stuff is magic, and big bottles of the generic version are pretty cheap.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Ugh. We just had to stop my MIL from coming down here to pick up the kids.

I get it. I totally get it but we just can't allow it.

DH and I discussed it. Their field is big enough to practice social distancing. DH will drive down there.

They can sit on the porch while the kids stay six feet away. Kids and DH don't go inside the house.

That will work.


ETA: DH and I were discussing it and he had a point which I don't like but it is a point.  His parents are in their upper 80s we really don't know how much longer they will be on this Earth.   Maybe we should let it be their choice if they want to be exposed via their grandkids are not.

He agrees with me about the stand I took and we are going to remain consistent but he's not totally wrong.   Course MIL and FIL could potentially expose other people who don't share that sentiment which is the bigger problem.

No easy answers in this situation.

[Gardening Grandma]

Mar 29, 2020 10:42:15 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Ugh. We just had to stop my MIL from coming down here to pick up the kids.

I get it. I totally get it but we just can't allow it.

DH and I discussed it. Their field is big enough to practice social distancing. DH will drive down there.

They can sit on the porch while the kids stay six feet away. Kids and DH don't go inside the house.

That will work.


ETA: DH and I were discussing it and he had a point which I don't like but it is a point.  His parents are in their upper 80s we really don't know how much longer they will be on this Earth.   Maybe we should let it be their choice if they want to be exposed via their grandkids are not.

He agrees with me about the stand I took and we are going to remain consistent but he's not totally wrong.   Course MIL and FIL could potentially expose other people who don't share that sentiment which is the bigger problem.

No easy answers in this situation.

That is a really tough one.  I agree with you, but I see your DH's point.  OTOH, would he be able to live with the guilt if the kids actually did expose them and they died as a result?  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mar 29, 2020 11:55:46 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

Mar 29, 2020 10:42:15 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Ugh. We just had to stop my MIL from coming down here to pick up the kids.

I get it. I totally get it but we just can't allow it.

DH and I discussed it. Their field is big enough to practice social distancing. DH will drive down there.

They can sit on the porch while the kids stay six feet away. Kids and DH don't go inside the house.

That will work.


ETA: DH and I were discussing it and he had a point which I don't like but it is a point.  His parents are in their upper 80s we really don't know how much longer they will be on this Earth.   Maybe we should let it be their choice if they want to be exposed via their grandkids are not.

He agrees with me about the stand I took and we are going to remain consistent but he's not totally wrong.   Course MIL and FIL could potentially expose other people who don't share that sentiment which is the bigger problem.

No easy answers in this situation.

That is a really tough one.  I agree with you, but I see your DH's point.  OTOH, would he be able to live with the guilt if the kids actually did expose them and they died as a result?  

That's the sticking point. We decided six plus feet away in the field is safe. No close contact.


It's either that or it sounds like they will show up here at some point. We really don't want that.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Bit of a rant.   DH went and made mention about going to Colorado in August.   We know in all liklihood this will not happen but the kids are already torn up about life and this gives them a small shred of hope.   So his sister proceeds to tear into him about us being selfish/stupid and everyone needs to do what needs to be done.

No shit.  Yet you can't expect people to hunker down and NEVER think or plan a future till this is over can you?  I can't imagine many people would make it through 18 months (if it really does come to that) without anything whatsoever to hope for.

I'm making plans for my next two tattoos.  I am well aware that it is probably not going to happen any time soon.   I'm also already pretty upset about the fact that i FINALLY managed to save enough for braces and now who knows when I can get them?  I don't need someone in my ear berating me for how dare I fantasize about ANYTHING right now.

Also may have to take a break from the boards.  I cant get away from this it is on every thread.  Some worse than others.  Getting tired of the doomsday scenarios.   Again not saying this isn't serious but do we really need videos right now about a hunger crisis in Italy with "This is our future!" attached to it?

I can't imagine how people with serious mental illness are fairing.   I am concerned about what the suicide rate is going to look like in the next 30+ days as people are told over and over there is no hope, don't plan for anything other than being isolated etc etc.

I know it's eating up my soul.  I can be aware of what is going on and be respectful of others while still being allowed to have some hope for fuck's sake.   Otherwise I might as well go lick a door knob and get it over with.  Beats sitting around waiting for it to come get me in 18 months.

Anyhoo I stand by what I said in the depression thread if anyone on here feels like they are teetering on the edge they can PM me.  I can't do much besides listen but I will listen.   That is something.

[justme]

Yea I can't think 18 months. 18 months of solitude would test even my sanity. Not to mention practically puts the nail on the coffin of me ever having a kid. Oh and my current job depends on kids being in school and I have no idea if they could realistically pivot to everyone homeschooling.That would suck.

[oped]

There definitely seems to be options that, with planning and attention, would not require all of us to stay home for that long. We need lots of testing. We need more medical resources. We need to let the first string become immune (hopefully!)... we need to have early protocols for a potential next wave.... I read something today... let me see if I can find it. 

[oped]

Here. www.aei.org/research-products/report/national-coronavirus-response-a-road-map-to-reopening/

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I understand all that and herd immunity.   What is eating away at me is the doomsday speak and people dragging you down when you just want to have a moment of normalcy.  I am not going out on spring break or flying anywhere, I am doing my part.   Let me have the fantasy that this might be under control enough by August I can take the kids on vacation.

Let my KIDS have that.   Gwen has already been crying due to the constant disruptions in her routine.   Let them make it through the next 30 days.  Let me make it through the next 30 days. 

I know logically it'll be more like the flu season, in particular swine flu, by that point but that's not what my anxious brain reads/interprets every time it sees the news or goes pretty much anywhere on the boards.   What I see on the news and read on here makes me want to go lick door knobs and end it all now before we get to The Walking Dead.

We're already seeing increased violence in our city, mostly vandalism so far but it could get worse the more hopeless people feel/get.   No I totally 100% agree we have no business opening up the country by Easter.  However I cannot see a way that we could maintain this for an entire 18 months without a whole lot of other ugly coming out of the woodwork that could surpass whatever damage this virus may do in the same time frame.

I think we would do better if our leaders would encourage one step at a time.   If you are telling people that we're all going to get it, you can't go anywhere/see anyone for 18 months and all we're doing is slowing down the rate people die I can get why there are people who go on spring break anyhow.   Doesn't make it right but I can understand the sentiment.   If I am going to go down I might as well at least enjoy myself rather than jealously guarding my TP till the bitter end.

Focus on getting people through the next 30 days.  I think people can wrap their heads around and cooperate for 30 days.  Then do 30 more if need be.   Give people at least the illusion of an end date and I think you'd get more cooperation.

[oped]

Drama a friend posted they are adding post it’s or similar to a jar each with a thing they will do ‘later’ as they come up... go for ice cream, have a friend over, see a game... etc.

 it sure if that would be helpful? 

[Deleted]

Mar 29, 2020 21:46:22 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I understand all that and herd immunity.   What is eating away at me is the doomsday speak and people dragging you down when you just want to have a moment of normalcy.  I am not going out on spring break or flying anywhere, I am doing my part.   Let me have the fantasy that this might be under control enough by August I can take the kids on vacation.

Let my KIDS have that.   Gwen has already been crying due to the constant disruptions in her routine.   Let them make it through the next 30 days.  Let me make it through the next 30 days. 

I know logically it'll be more like the flu season, in particular swine flu, by that point but that's not what my anxious brain reads/interprets every time it sees the news or goes pretty much anywhere on the boards.   What I see on the news and read on here makes me want to go lick door knobs and end it all now before we get to The Walking Dead.

We're already seeing increased violence in our city, mostly vandalism so far but it could get worse the more hopeless people feel/get.   No I totally 100% agree we have no business opening up the country by Easter.  However I cannot see a way that we could maintain this for an entire 18 months without a whole lot of other ugly coming out of the woodwork that could surpass whatever damage this virus may do in the same time frame.

I think we would do better if our leaders would encourage one step at a time.   If you are telling people that we're all going to get it, you can't go anywhere/see anyone for 18 months and all we're doing is slowing down the rate people die I can get why there are people who go on spring break anyhow.   Doesn't make it right but I can understand the sentiment.   If I am going to go down I might as well at least enjoy myself rather than jealously guarding my TP till the bitter end.

Focus on getting people through the next 30 days.  I think people can wrap their heads around and cooperate for 30 days.  Then do 30 more if need be.   Give people at least the illusion of an end date and I think you'd get more cooperation.

Drama, I’m worried just like like you are about what’s happening right now, albeit probably for different reasons.

I’m not going to give you unsolicited advice. I’m just letting you know that you aren’t alone in thinking some of the things you’ve written. You aren’t! For whatever that’s worth.

Take care.

[azucena]

We put my last big shopping trip from two weeks into our deep freezer...yeah, just figured out this morning that it isn't frozen.  I could only get an internal temp reading of 50 degrees on the biggest roast so made the painful decision to toss it all.  It wasn't full, but it was our backup plan for meat in particular.  Likely $150 into the trash.  Can't even contemplate getting food poisoning during this though.  I just want to curl up and cry for a while but I have to work for at least 4 more hours.

[finnime]

Sorry, azucena. That bites.

[buystoys]

So mom is breathing a bit easier.  She's still on O2 all the time.  The pain in her back is less, so the lung may be reinflating some on its own.

I'm probably driving my sister nuts with the texting questions. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Having to behave like everything is normal (go to work, make dinner, etc) while everything is NOT normal is really starting to fuck with my head.

I should have picked a different career. We are for the time being considered essential because we are part of the food chain. The company is printing letters so if Nebraska and Iowa get shut down I can still come to work. Yay me!

And you know what we get for all this and putting ourselves at risk (along with production) so the company can make a few more million off our backs. NOTHING. Meanwhile all the office people get to work from home and avoid exposure.

I'm not going to quit my job or anything. It's just messing with my head real bad right now. Then I am feeding off my boss' anxiety over this. She went on the war path today so I got to spend 3 hours deep cleaning the lab.

Can't sleep, have heart burn and I finally figured out why my mouth hurts after freaking out for the past two days that I am coming down with Corona. I have a massive stress induced cold sore on the roof of my mouth. It must have finally erupted because I can feel it. I suppose I should be grateful that it isn't on my lip, or my ear they like to pop up there too.

Been trying to take a leaf out of Abby's book. She is a good soul, even when she acknowledged her "perfect summer" isn't going to happen she told me at least she gets to play on her trampoline and walk the dog.

Not having a good day today. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

[TheOtherMe]

Drama  

[wvugurl26]

I hope tomorrow is better drama.

I'm not normally super anxious but this crap sucks big time. I'm trying hard to balance the must dos and should dos with fun stuff and stuff that nourishes me.

I am lucky I can work from home but it sucks when you just need a break to decompress. I am off Friday so I am trying to hang on to get there.

Today I took my afternoon walk around the neighborhood. I've been wanting to try a Barre class so I did that today. I feel today was better than yesterday.

I'm not trying to juggle kids or anything and this still sucks. I'm trying to allow some grace to myself.

[oped]

Tonight wasn’t great. Going to have to tune out I think. At least balance better...

[weltschmerz]

I saw this interview....it was pretty good. Astronauts who spent 204 days on the International Space Station know something about stress, social isolation and being away from family.
In a nutshell...you need structure. You need a schedule...make time for play, for work, for hobbies, for exercise, for rest. Don't stay in your pyjamas all day.
Remember your mission.


MONTREAL — In David Saint-Jacques' line of work, physical distancing comes with the job.



The Canadian astronaut spent 204 days aboard the International Space Station, returning last June after nearly seven months working alongside a small crew aboard the International Space Station, far from his family.

www.timescolonist.com/astronauts-on-coping-with-covid-19-plenty-of-routine-keep-sight-of-big-picture-1.24106466

[buystoys]

Hugs to all who need them.

Mom is doing OK but I'm still stressed about her situation.  It would be better if I could see her, but I'm not going to sis's house since I am still going out for groceries.  I couldn't bear it if I picked up the virus at the store and gave it to her.

Life will eventually return to normal.  Or a new normal.  I just have to hold onto that thought.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Trying to coach DH into not judging when I share my thoughts or at least keeping that to himself.   I said I know my thoughts aren't healthy and are "wrong" I don't need you piling guilt on top  of it because then I am going to retreat even further into my head.   It's only going to get worse as I keep reading that we cannot ever never ever lift restrictions until a vaccine is made and who knows how long that will take?  

I honestly have days where I feel what is the point because all I am doing is guarding TP and making my company some more money till a hospital bed opens up for us to die in.   There but for the grace of God go I that I have never reached a point where those thoughts consume me, but I think we're going to see a spike in the near future.   It's not just coronavirus deaths we have to be worried about if this continues.

We decided to let the in laws see the kids after we found out FIL was starting to give away his worldly belongings.   He's pretty much given up on living and is sitting around waiting to die.   So together we made the decision that we would let them choose if they want to stay isolated or risk seeing the kids.

[wvugurl26]

I do think having a routine is helpful. The first week or so my work hours were sliding. So I've gotten better at getting those back on track so that I do benefit from not commuting 2 hours a day.

I saw a friend was having her son write down all the things he'd like to do that are possible right now. I grabbed a notebook and pretty markers and started making sections for myself.

I'm gone from the house almost 12 hours a day typically. I also travel at least one weekend a month and usually more. So I have a long list of things to do that I don't normally have time for. I'm trying to work some of those things in both fun things and not fun things like cleaning the oven.

[TheOtherMe]

Mar 31, 2020 20:27:43 GMT -5 oped said:

Tonight wasn’t great. Going to have to tune out I think. At least balance better...

Last night was the worst one yet for me.  

Have to stay off twitter (except to check when the David Crosby tour is canceled so I can get my money back).

Can't deal with it.

Very little sleep last night.  I don't know what I would do without Lucy.  I have to get up and care for her.  She's my reason for living.  

[nikiz628]

I just want to offer hugs (from 6 feet away) for everyone who is struggling right now. 
Just know, that it will be hard for awhile, but we will come out on the other side of this. Keep telling yourself how amazing it will feel to take your kids to the park, or for ice cream, or to a movie. Keep telling yourself that going to work and lunching with a co-worker will be wonderful. Or having your family over for dinner. Whatever you miss doing, remind yourself that YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT AGAIN. And you will appreciate and enjoy the moment so much more. 

It's very easy to spiral down the doom and gloom tunnel, that's just human nature. I hope that when you do, you remember my above statement, and use that as your life raft to get back out of it. 

You are all amazing humans, and I am glad we can "connect" during this isolation. 

[weltschmerz]

Try to keep things in perspective. Think about the struggles and sacrifices our forefathers and others had to make. 

You're not alone with four kids while your husband is being killed in a foreign war. We don't have bombs going off. We haven't lost everything in a civil war. We don't run for our lives in the middle of the night, getting on leaking boats and hoping some other country takes us in. We're not starving and eating our pets. We haven't watched our families being butchered in front of our eyes.

We're just being asked to stay at home. We can do this.

Courage.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm going to say logically I understand all this and I am well aware of how lucky I am.

 However anxiety does not care about that, if it did then I wouldn't have to deal with.  I do consider myself incredibly lucky that the buck stops at having dark thoughts. 


I cannot imagine how people with more severe mental issues are handling this right now.  I pray that they are able to get the help they need through video conference.  Mental health services are essential too.