TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 13, 2019 12:34:49 GMT -5
Vent about sister. Ignore if you don't want to read.
She and niece took dad for an x-ray on his esophagus a couple of weeks ago. Last I heard, he wasn't having the endoscope. Turns out he is having an endoscope on Friday. So nice of people to tell me. Niece is the one who thinks he should have it as they can wide his throat. I know that is true as I have had that procedure.
I would like to be kept in the loop and I'm guessing sister tells her friends I don't do anything.
She is with dad now because he has to have an EKG before he has the procedure on Friday.
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nidena
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Post by nidena on Feb 13, 2019 12:49:07 GMT -5
nidena That's a big decision you have made. I know you will make the best decision for you. Yes, getting the house sold will be the biggest pain. So you have decided that you don't need an MBA? I actually don't need any of the schooling but it's silly to let something as big as the GI Bill go to waste and NOT go to school at all. It also pays for some certs so I may pursue those if I find any to be relevant to what I want to know.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 13, 2019 16:08:28 GMT -5
I'm sorry TheOtherMe. nidena could you go back to school in your new destination? Would you want to? Would your credits transfer?
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nidena
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Post by nidena on Feb 13, 2019 16:19:39 GMT -5
I'm sorry TheOtherMe . nidena could you go back to school in your new destination? Would you want to? Would your credits transfer? I can. I can, feasibly, go to school anywhere, even if it meant pursuing another Bachelor's. The GI Bill will pay for more than one degree just not same level at the same time. I don't know if the Master's credits would transfer. I did talk to the program director and the instructor that I have right now, who I abhor, I'll never have again. With that in mind, financially, it makes more sense to stay here, all else being the same, because my housing stipend in the two states that I plan to leap-frog through and to have lower COL and, therefore, lower stipends. Basically, it's $1650/mo here and, if I were to go to school in Indiana, where I want to end up, it's $1430/mo.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 13, 2019 16:23:26 GMT -5
nidena $220/month is definitely not a reason to stay where you are if you're not happy there. Housing (and everything else) will be cheaper in the lower COL states too. Good luck! I hope your house sells quickly. I'm working tomorrow afternoon, then heading to dress rehearsal. I ran some errands and caught up on laundry today. Mainly I worked on lines, but still forgot one tonight . Both young women are staying here tomorrow night. One is working from home on Fri ... MY home. She asked of course. At first I wasn't thrilled but then I decided it would be fun and we can do lines. I'm decluttering some of my props/costumes. I've ditched one pair of shoes, and I'm wearing the same jewelry thoughout the play. I know it sounds silly but I want to streamline things.
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nidena
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Post by nidena on Feb 13, 2019 16:40:46 GMT -5
nidena $220/month is definitely not a reason to stay where you are if you're not happy there. Housing (and everything else) will be cheaper in the lower COL states too. Good luck! I hope your house sells quickly. I'm working tomorrow afternoon, then heading to dress rehearsal. I ran some errands and caught up on laundry today. Mainly I worked on lines, but still forgot one tonight . Both young women are staying here tomorrow night. One is working from home on Fri ... MY home. She asked very nicely. At first I wasn't thrilled but then I decided it would be fun and we can run lines. You make a very good point. Especially since it'd be from May 2019 to Aug 2020 before I finished the additional degree. If I could sell my house, even at a wash, and move into my bestie's very large house, I'd save quite a bit.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 13, 2019 16:46:32 GMT -5
oh wait, and 5 pairs of shoes are on the yard sale sites now. 3 and brand new, hoping to sell before having to take next to nothing for consignment. anyone a size 8.5? there's a Nine West, an Etienne Aigner, a Bandolino, and a Franco Sarto in the mix. I'm so sad that those are too big for me!
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 13, 2019 16:49:27 GMT -5
Vent about sister. Ignore if you don't want to read. She and niece took dad for an x-ray on his esophagus a couple of weeks ago. Last I heard, he wasn't having the endoscope. Turns out he is having an endoscope on Friday. So nice of people to tell me. Niece is the one who thinks he should have it as they can wide his throat. I know that is true as I have had that procedure. I would like to be kept in the loop and I'm guessing sister tells her friends I don't do anything. She is with dad now because he has to have an EKG before he has the procedure on Friday. Yes, you absolutely should have been told. DH has had his esophagus endoscoped twice--twenty years apart. Is your dad really having food stuck in his throat regularly?
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 13, 2019 16:51:59 GMT -5
debthaven, I really wish I could come see your play! Have fun! Merde! (sp?) Is that just a ballet term, or is it for theatre also? Break a leg!
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Feb 13, 2019 17:08:38 GMT -5
Feels like I’m just slogging through this week. We haven’t had any decisions on grandmas service yet. Yesterday would have been her 99th birthday and I’m just sitting here thinking I should declutter the card I bought her before she died.
I’m making good progress in the quilt, it’s somewhat mindless work now that I’ve got a system down and I have maybe 200 more (small) pieces to do. It’s raining again so outdoor work has slowed down considerably.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 13, 2019 17:13:16 GMT -5
I've crossed off ten items on the lists I posted a few days ago. I'm in the process of one, but it's a multi-day project with another teacher. I think I can get two more done today.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 13, 2019 17:13:17 GMT -5
Thank you Knee Deep in Water Chloe ! Merde is for any performance ... dance, theater, music or even a speech/presentation. How funny that you use that for ballet! I guess because ballet vocabulary is French. startsmart I'm sorry. Why is it dragging on so long? That can't be good for anyone.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 13, 2019 17:35:12 GMT -5
Vent about sister. Ignore if you don't want to read. She and niece took dad for an x-ray on his esophagus a couple of weeks ago. Last I heard, he wasn't having the endoscope. Turns out he is having an endoscope on Friday. So nice of people to tell me. Niece is the one who thinks he should have it as they can wide his throat. I know that is true as I have had that procedure. I would like to be kept in the loop and I'm guessing sister tells her friends I don't do anything. She is with dad now because he has to have an EKG before he has the procedure on Friday. Yes, you absolutely should have been told. DH has had his esophagus endoscoped twice--twenty years apart. Is your dad really having food stuck in his throat regularly?Yes, he is definitely having issues. I have had the procedure myself, but I should have known about it. It's being done at the hospital as a same day procedure because he is 95. Sister sent me a text to see if I would take him. She told me some time ago I was incompetent at taking him to doctors. Why does she want me to take him? I asked her if he understands the procedure and she said she has no idea.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 13, 2019 17:36:55 GMT -5
Feels like I’m just slogging through this week. We haven’t had any decisions on grandmas service yet. Yesterday would have been her 99th birthday and I’m just sitting here thinking I should declutter the card I bought her before she died. I’m making good progress in the quilt, it’s somewhat mindless work now that I’ve got a system down and I have maybe 200 more (small) pieces to do. It’s raining again so outdoor work has slowed down considerably. I'm sentimental enough that I probably couldn't get rid of this soon.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 13, 2019 17:46:48 GMT -5
Sister sent me a text to see if I would take him. She told me some time ago I was incompetent at taking him to doctors. Why does she want me to take him? TheOtherMe , I'm snarky enough to point that out to her. But if you CAN take your Dad, I would. For his sake and yours, screw your sister. She's clearly a royal PITA, but we know that. Personally I'd just coast along until she retires in a few months. But I'd reevaluate things then, and tell her that now that she's retired, since *I* have been the primary person involved with Dad for X years, THIS is how we will be doing things going forward. It saddens all of us that she doesn't realize or value all you do, but I don't see that changing now. You need to reevaluate things once SHE retires. And to be clear, I think your feelings are absolutely justified. Since you and your sister don't communicate well in person or by phone, have you considered writing her an email? The advantage of email is that she can take her time to answer, but she'd be obliged to consider your concerns. And if it's a medical concern, I'm sure your niece would help.
But, I'd probably wait until next summer after she retires to "confront" her and try to change things. Hugs to you.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 13, 2019 17:55:40 GMT -5
Thanks debthaven She didn't even have the time when she sent the text. When I did talk to her, she was full of snark. I actually have an appointment myself on Friday. If I thought it was an emergency, I would have changed it. Since she didn't even tell me about the procedure, I can't justify changing it. I already changed my appointment once because of weather. No, I am not going to stress her until after she retires. Then I am going to push hard for assisted living.
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mathsplosion
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Post by mathsplosion on Feb 13, 2019 18:12:59 GMT -5
Thanks for thinking of me! I'm still plugging along. The best thing I'm decluttering right now is my yarn supply. Cold winter evenings make crocheting much more enjoyable than grading .
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 13, 2019 18:20:01 GMT -5
Thanks debthaven She didn't even have the time when she sent the text. When I did talk to her, she was full of snark. I actually have an appointment myself on Friday. If I thought it was an emergency, I would have changed it. Since she didn't even tell me about the procedure, I can't justify changing it. I already changed my appointment once because of weather. No, I am not going to stress her until after she retires. Then I am going to push hard for assisted living. Ugh. Just ugh. I hope everything goes smoothly on Friday, TOM. And I'm really sorry your DSis is such a pill about everything. Life is hard enough. Family should pull for each other or what's the point.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 13, 2019 18:27:17 GMT -5
TheOtherMe since you were not given any notice, and you already have an appt, I agree, your appt needs to come first. I thought she was bragging about taking some overdue days off?! Seems like the perfect time to take one! ETA: I am not a techie but I know there are ways to "share calendars". If you know about that, it might be a great help going forward if you could "share a calendar" for certain things so that she would know when you are unavailable.
Just a thought. Again, that's just trying to "keep the peace" until she finally retires after this year.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Feb 13, 2019 19:53:39 GMT -5
They stretched my esophagus late last year. It made all the difference in the world. I was getting choked all the time. That has really improved my ability to swallow. They said I might have to have it done annually or everyother year. I saw the medicare billing and for the endoscope and stretching, biopsies, over $35k, like wow!!!! I have a supplement that picks up everything left, I could not pay for procedures like those out of pocket. I'm getting a bone density and mammogram soon. I have enough trouble keeping track of DD and my appointments, its was tough when I had moms too.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 13, 2019 20:44:52 GMT -5
She has Fridays off. Pre-K goes to school Monday-Wednesday for free and parents can pay to send their kid on Thursday. She only works on Friday if it's professional development.
If she had said she had to work, I probably would have done it.
She better have turned in the retirement papers. She told me she did.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Feb 13, 2019 20:47:37 GMT -5
I'm still sitting with a pile of things to donate. I need to document what I have so far for tax purposes, and I have been rearranging things in the kitchen a few times. Last Sunday church service was on how we use our resources. The preacher mentioned how instead of taking things to his basement only to donate them years later he donates whatever would go to the basement to be a better steward of his things. They were trying to drive home the point that instead of owning crap we should donate more, but also that we don't need so much mindless accumulation of things. They said when we die it won't be our stuff that people talk about at the funeral. So I am debating on doing a more severe decluttering of my things. I'm not quite there yet, I think.
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startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Feb 14, 2019 2:23:54 GMT -5
Thank you Knee Deep in Water Chloe ! Merde is for any performance ... dance, theater, music or even a speech/presentation. How funny that you use that for ballet! I guess because ballet vocabulary is French. startsmart I'm sorry. Why is it dragging on so long? That can't be good for anyone. It’s difficult. Grandma has been cremated and inturred at the family plot so there’s no delay there. Mostly it’s the family reluctance to be anywhere near my aunt due to her brand of crazy. I hate letting her “win” like this but understand how hard it is to manage her. Her vitriol and hateful lies brought 2 men in their 60s (an engineer and a physicists, mind you) to tears with her behavior. She has been lying about my dad for years, now saying he stole from her inheritance (untrue), was rude to the staff at grandmas home (untrue) and much more awfulness. If it were solely up to me I would report her to the police for a 5150 hold for 48 hours while we hold the service. 5150 is a danger to self or others and so far she’s just been a manipulative, psychopath but not physically violent.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Feb 14, 2019 10:48:29 GMT -5
They stretched my esophagus late last year. It made all the difference in the world. I was getting choked all the time. That has really improved my ability to swallow. They said I might have to have it done annually or everyother year. I saw the medicare billing and for the endoscope and stretching, biopsies, over $35k, like wow!!!! I have a supplement that picks up everything left, I could not pay for procedures like those out of pocket. I'm getting a bone density and mammogram soon. I have enough trouble keeping track of DD and my appointments, its was tough when I had moms too. I really need to go in and see an ENT or doctor. For the past year or two I've been having a lot of trouble swallowing. Used to only happen occasionally now it's a couple of times with nearly every meal. I suffer from white coat syndrome and HATE doctors so I put things like this off until I absolutely have to go in.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 14, 2019 11:48:21 GMT -5
Since niece is a nurse, dad went to an ENT, who ordered the x-rays. After he saw x-ray, he gave options to sister and niece. There were 3. The two I remember are do nothing or do an endoscope. The last thing I was told before yesterday was sister didn't want to put dad through an endoscope. I have no idea when that got changed.
Dad doesn't know what test he had yesterday. He wasn't mentally present at all today. Didn't know I was coming to take him for groceries. Then didn't know there were groceries in the car. He has no idea he even has a procedure scheduled for tomorrow let alone what it is.
Now I am going to cry.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Feb 14, 2019 16:39:20 GMT -5
She has Fridays off. Pre-K goes to school Monday-Wednesday for free and parents can pay to send their kid on Thursday. She only works on Friday if it's professional development. If she had said she had to work, I probably would have done it. She better have turned in the retirement papers. She told me she did. TheOtherMe, I would like you to consider this if your sister has not turned in her retirement papers: come next year whether she is available for anything or not is entirely on her. She does not need the income from what you have told us, so basically she is doing paid volunteer work. So if anything will conflict with her schedule she can bloody well go and solve it herself. This is NOT your problem. You are stressed enough by the way she treats you (which is quite shabbily I might add) so don't make it worse for you by trying to solve her problems.
You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about any of this. She set the rules and she can deal with the consequences thereof. from one of your virtual sisters.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 14, 2019 18:17:24 GMT -5
Thank you NastyWoman I needed what you wrote, more than you will ever know. Dad was so out of it today. This isn't right. He has no idea of what is happening tomorrow.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 14, 2019 23:12:10 GMT -5
These are my current lists. This one is for home. This one is for work. I have 19 of these done; one in progress.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Feb 15, 2019 1:14:13 GMT -5
Since niece is a nurse, dad went to an ENT, who ordered the x-rays. After he saw x-ray, he gave options to sister and niece. There were 3. The two I remember are do nothing or do an endoscope. The last thing I was told before yesterday was sister didn't want to put dad through an endoscope. I have no idea when that got changed. Dad doesn't know what test he had yesterday. He wasn't mentally present at all today. Didn't know I was coming to take him for groceries. Then didn't know there were groceries in the car. He has no idea he even has a procedure scheduled for tomorrow let alone what it is. Now I am going to cry.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Feb 15, 2019 9:51:00 GMT -5
Ok- So I went back through all of my posts to remind myself of what left and get an updated number. I'm at 319/2019. Last night the Hubs dropped off the games he donated to the local university's board gaming club. So that's 22 games out of the house. And he boxed up the eBay games that sold and put them in his car so he could mail them today on his lunch. We have a large leather ottoman that will end up in the dumpster tomorrow and two big cardboard boxes to go out. Basement bathroom still isn't finished- in reading back I saw that on January 15th I posted that "the Hubs promises he'll finish the bathroom this weekend" That obviously did not happen. Hopefully this weekend? IDK at this point. We will have to spend a few hours tomorrow buying a new car. Insurance totaled his out on Wednesday (he was in an accident on the 4th- someone hit him and sent him into the guard rails on the opposite side of the road- he's fine). Even though we use the same salesman, have the financing arranged in advance and really just have to sign some papers it always seems to take a few hours before it's all said and done. I'll try to gently nudge him in the direction of the bathroom so we can finally make some progress. His man cave is basically done so he should be able to shift focus.
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