Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Oct 14, 2018 11:41:08 GMT -5
friends and family?
I realized some years ago that I'm more comfortable sharing negative than positive information, especially financial and career stuff, but then I thought it gave a wrong picture and also that voicing only the negatives influenced my own feelings too, so I stopped sharing anything.
This is likely due to early family dynamics which accepted that the natural order is that Rukh is always in last place (youngest, only girl). Hence, I always kept positives on the down-low to avoid compensatory behaviors - generally insults, or pulled support of some kind.
I was recently asked point blank what my increase is going to the new job, and I was taken aback and said 50%. I had been greedily calculating it just a bit earlier and that number was in my head. I wish I'd just said alot, but I didn't. Now I am dreading more questions about it at a family gathering.
I don't want people to know what I make!!! Especially when it's good! If the full story of my financial situation were known, I wouldn't be surprised to find myself out of the will entirely to make things "fair".
How cagey are you? And why?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Oct 14, 2018 11:47:38 GMT -5
I don't tell anyone about my finances. Quite frankly it's nobody's business.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2018 12:07:56 GMT -5
Hmmm, my family and friends don't seem to be interested in my finances so I don't have to worry about how much to share or not. It seems kind of odd to want to know details about someone else's income if it doesn't affect you, unless they are in a field you are considering for yourself.
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justme
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Post by justme on Oct 14, 2018 12:32:50 GMT -5
My parents know more or less. Periodically my dad and I get into a "fight" over who makes more. He always forgets about how much employment taxes and saving for retirement takes out now that he's on a pension. And both forget that I'm in a higher tax bracket than them due to being single.
But other than them it's much more vague numbers. Unless my mom is telling family how much I make, which I've heard what some other cousins do so that's possible. Lol.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Oct 14, 2018 12:52:33 GMT -5
My parents know more or less. Periodically my dad and I get into a "fight" over who makes more. He always forgets about how much employment taxes and saving for retirement takes out now that he's on a pension. And both forget that I'm in a higher tax bracket than them due to being single. But other than them it's much more vague numbers. Unless my mom is telling family how much I make, which I've heard what some other cousins do so that's possible. Lol. I always told my dad the good stuff, because he was just pure pride about it. I guess I'm realizing now that this question was really prying, and wasn't really an interest in me or my new gig.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Oct 14, 2018 13:09:37 GMT -5
I'm "honest" about in that I don't lie to people. I don't just tell people things that aren't their business though.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Oct 14, 2018 13:15:29 GMT -5
If someone asks me point blank my answer is always “not enough”. My sibs know that I coupon, mystery shop, freelance, so they know my regular job doesn’t pay well, but we don’t ask for or share specifics. I’m pretty sure I’m the lowest paid of the 4 of us, but I graduated with no student loans, so I have it i my head that at least one of my sibs and I have similar amounts of fun money. But I really have no idea.
As for nosy family members, I’d feel free to lie. Or at least emphasize how much your student loans are. As another alternative, Ann Landers suggested a straight MYOB. For people I might need/want to speak to again, I prefer Miss Manners’ “if you’ll forgive me for not answering, I’ll forgive you for asking.”
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Oct 14, 2018 13:43:02 GMT -5
My kids (in early 30s) know our net worth. Some of my siblings have a clue because we have discussed what we each did with our share of our parents inheritance. Friends don't care, but are mostly in about the same place we are if I judge by their jobs, houses and travel. I didn't discuss it at work, but looking at my house and travel most assumed I was better off than they.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2018 14:12:33 GMT -5
Maybe I'd feel different if I made a lot and didn't want to feel like I was bragging, but finances aren't a taboo subject for me, so I would have given the percentage increase without missing a beat. About the only people I'm careful about talking to are the friends I work with. I'm sure I'm making within a dime an hour of everyone else in my position, but people get so butt hurt about that dime. LOL
I've talked finances with parents and cousins in the past and would be totally honest to any question asked, but I can't say I've been asked a lot of straight up questions on income or assets.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Oct 14, 2018 14:49:13 GMT -5
My side of the family, my parents just know I am doing “ok” since they know how much we purchased our first and second home for, that we do not ask for help or support.
My biological father has no idea except I am doing better than him and he and some siblings think I am their emergency fund.
My wife side her mom might have an idea but not exact numbers (maybe my wife salary)... the rest of the family just gues... but I don’t think they care since we are squarely in the middle in that rand: half of the cousins are doing way better than us and the other half is doing ok.
Really being far away from family has made it possible to do so... actually I think they assumed we well more well off in MA vs DV based on the neighborhood we live in.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Oct 14, 2018 15:26:15 GMT -5
I don’t generally discuss how much I make with anyone except DH. DH and I make about the same annually, but we don’t tell others what it is. BIL and DH work at the same company and are both retired military, so I assume he makes about the same as DH, but I really don’t know. <br><br>One coworker that I’ve known for about 20 or so-years, asked what I make as she’s going to be applying for my job when it’s posted in a couple of months. I did give her a range, but not an exact figure. <br><br>The few times someone has found out what I make, they seem to feel like I owe them something, so now I actively avoid discussing money and salary.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2018 18:16:11 GMT -5
Nobody cares. It is considered tacky in the South to talk about money, and we don't. We make assumptions based on where you live, what kind of car you drive, etc. But nobody really asks. Tell me your degree and experience, and I can tell you what my colleagues make. Money just isn't a topic. Now bargains are. People will tell you when they got a good deal with a contractor. Or they saved a ton of $$$ on a vacation, etc. And nobody seems offended if you ask how much that project cost, etc. I get a little annoyed sometimes that my kids don't seem to care how I am going to pay for retirement. Don't they know that they are my back-up plan?
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Oct 14, 2018 18:23:45 GMT -5
Our salaries are public knowledge, so we can avoid the conversation but not actually keep that information from anyone. What people don’t realize is how much the real estate market crash affected our finances nor how much DH pays in alimony. People assume we’re we have more cash flow than we do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2018 18:43:45 GMT -5
Our salaries are public knowledge, so we can avoid the conversation but not actually keep that information from anyone. What people don’t realize is how much the real estate market crash affected our finances nor how much DH pays in alimony. People assume we have more cash flow than we do. We are all guilty of assumptions. I assumed that my sister was on a reduced income after she retired. I tried to make sure she didn't have to pay for anything when she was out here. Maybe it is reduced for her, but she earns more than DH and I do together. So much for assumptions.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2018 19:05:27 GMT -5
I'm glad my parents were open with me about their finances when they retired. I hear too many horror stories about taking care of aging parents and didn't want to worry about that on top of everything else. I don't have to worry. Well, unless something drastic changes things...but I think they're set no matter what.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Oct 14, 2018 19:15:50 GMT -5
Our salaries are public knowledge, so we can avoid the conversation but not actually keep that information from anyone. What people don’t realize is how much the real estate market crash affected our finances nor how much DH pays in alimony. People assume we have more cash flow than we do. We are all guilty of assumptions. I assumed that my sister was on a reduced income after she retired. I tried to make sure she didn't have to pay for anything when she was out here. Maybe it is reduced for her, but she earns more than DH and I do together. So much for assumptions. What made you think hers was reduced? And how did you find out what it was?
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flamingo
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Post by flamingo on Oct 14, 2018 19:20:06 GMT -5
My mom knows how much I make. Mostly b/c I am *thisclose* to making more than her, so every time I get a raise, I tell her. Plus, I know she’ll keep it a secret and not tell the rest of the family. If my dad ever asked, I’d tell him.
I think my DH’s friends know how much I make, because he likes to brag about it (I don’t really make that much, haha, he’s just proud of me). His friends all live out of state and have no one to tell, so whatever.
I’m a state employee, so if someone wants to know that badly, they can just look me up. I won’t tell anyone, though, because I know I make more than some of my coworkers and they’d be pissed. It’s clear they haven’t looked my salary up based on things they’ve said, but they aren’t shy about telling me what they make. I just answer any salary questions with either “I’m happy with what I make” or “Who doesn’t wish they made more?”
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Oct 14, 2018 19:28:14 GMT -5
Year's ago my mom asked and I told her without thinking twice. She later brought it up in front of family and while I know it's because she was proud I didn't appreciate it as it wasn't her information to share and it came off like a brag in front of my cousins who I wouldn't share that information with. I let her know I wasn't happy and since then I just tell her what my title is. One of my best friends asked me probably 5-6 years ago when we were talking about work and annual raises came up. He caught me off guard, I answered him honestly and the look on his face told me it was a mistake. It's not like he's ever used it against me or expects me to buy (we switch off when we go out) but it was at a time when he and his wife were struggling while paying off debt and he didn't expect that I made what I did. Since then I've made it a point not to discuss it with anyone but my wife as I don't see anything good ever coming from it.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Oct 14, 2018 19:37:23 GMT -5
And is omitting the same as not being honest? I have point blink been asked how much I make or how much DW makes and my answer is ususallf “not enough “ for the first and “almost as much as me” for the second and usually people seem to be satisfied with that answer.
I know when we just moved in our neighbors were kinda curious about what we did for a living aka how did we afford our house and they are still somewhat scratching their head because I told Them I worked in a grocery store (I do) and my wife was an assistant (she is).
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 14, 2018 20:11:58 GMT -5
I don't tell anyone about my finances. Quite frankly it's nobody's business. Me either. My son is on my checking account just in case!! But I bet if I asked him today where I banked he couldn't tell me. He might possibly say at the Credit Union but we have probably 8 or so CU here. He knows where check book is so he could look there. Then and only then would he know how much SS I draw. He knows he is beneficiary on IRA but no clue what is in there. Everything else was taken care of where he is concerned when I hit 62 and put in his name so I guess you could say he knows my worth to some degree.
I do have a list of CC and such and passwords to online stuff but I'll have to be totally incapacitated/and or dead for him to need that list.
But by the same note I have no clue about his finances. He is a married grown man so I have no need to know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2018 20:19:26 GMT -5
We are all guilty of assumptions. I assumed that my sister was on a reduced income after she retired. I tried to make sure she didn't have to pay for anything when she was out here. Maybe it is reduced for her, but she earns more than DH and I do together. So much for assumptions. What made you think hers was reduced? And how did you find out what it was? I thought it was reduced because she retired at 62. I projected my pension and SS on her. I know because we started talking about my retirement so we were talking actual numbers. She doesn't have the retirement savings I do. But as I said, her pension plus SS plus her college teaching job is more than DH and I currently make.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Oct 14, 2018 21:08:16 GMT -5
I share my net worth with my parents every year when I go out to visit, mostly because my dad worries about me living across the country and it is a way to reassure him that I am fine. My husband's parents know that we are doing fine but don't have any numbers.
I have shared more than I should have with a few friends because I am shopping for another house, and they have seen the prices on some of the houses I have considered. I really shouldn't be sharing anything, but over the past year a few houses have been super exciting (and then didn't pan out) and I shared links with a few friends that we were going out to look at them. I think a lot can be inferred from a housing price range.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Oct 14, 2018 22:31:20 GMT -5
I share my net worth with my parents every year when I go out to visit, mostly because my dad worries about me living across the country and it is a way to reassure him that I am fine. My husband's parents know that we are doing fine but don't have any numbers. I have shared more than I should have with a few friends because I am shopping for another house, and they have seen the prices on some of the houses I have considered. I really shouldn't be sharing anything, but over the past year a few houses have been super exciting (and then didn't pan out) and I shared links with a few friends that we were going out to look at them. I think a lot can be inferred from a housing price range. Not alway though. My house costs less than I make a year. Very easy to assume I make considerably less than I do. In reality, I’m a single mom and it makes me feel secure to know that even if I lose my job we will still have our house. I’m also screwed up due to my childhood poverty so I am probably not the norm
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 15, 2018 0:31:05 GMT -5
My sons know approximately what I make and what my net worth is. Mostly because I don't want to hem to worry about having to take care of mom in a couple of years. I did tell them that if I live past 100 they'll have to make a choice between clubbing me to death or taking care of me I am not worried about them coming to me for money since I am the "poor one" in my nuclear family. The only sibling I ever discuss money with is my second sister since we bounce of ideas of each other. We will both retire as single women. She does not know what I make or my net worth and vv
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 15, 2018 6:41:56 GMT -5
My sons kmow approximately what I make and what my net worth is. Mostly because I don't want to hem to worry about having to take care of mom in a couple of years. I did tell them that if I live past 100 they'll have to make a choice between clubbing me to death or taking care of me I am not worried about them coming to me for money since I am the "poor one" in my nuclear family. The only sibling I ever discuss money with is my second sister since we bounce of ideas of each other. We will both retire as single women. She does not know what I make or my net worth and vv My son told his wife they would never have to worry about taking care of me because I would rather dumpster dive than ask for help. He knows me well
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Oct 15, 2018 6:54:54 GMT -5
My son has complete list of everything, even down to the names of the utility companies.
All user names and Passwords, who to contract when needed, and knows who my financial advisor is and his phone number etc. He has POA for everything, and becomes the Trustee when I die.
what he he doesn't know is the total amount of the trust or brokerage accounts.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Oct 15, 2018 6:57:56 GMT -5
'I did tell them that if I live past 100 they'll have to make a choice between clubbing me to death or taking care of me'
LOL, Saving this to tell my kiddos.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2018 7:40:41 GMT -5
My son has complete list of everything, even down to the names of the utility companies. All user names and Passwords, who to contract when needed, and knows who my financial advisor is and his phone number etc. He has POA for everything, and becomes the Trustee when I die. what he he doesn't know is the total amount of the trust or brokerage accounts.
Are you sure? You gave him all the user names and passwords.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 15, 2018 7:47:26 GMT -5
My son has complete list of everything, even down to the names of the utility companies. All user names and Passwords, who to contract when needed, and knows who my financial advisor is and his phone number etc. He has POA for everything, and becomes the Trustee when I die. what he he doesn't know is the total amount of the trust or brokerage accounts.
Are you sure? You gave him all the user names and passwords. I know this was addressed to BG but in my case I have a "box" that all papers are kept in and list of usernames and passwords are in the box. The "box" is in my possession and kiddo knows about it but no need to go there till I am incapacitated or dead.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2018 7:55:55 GMT -5
My son and daughter-in-law know my net worth. The first time I told DS he made a joke about cutting my brake lines. I think he was joking! They're good people and not waiting around to inherit but I want them to know that my lavish travel and the $$ I'm putting in their kids' 529s will not imperil my ability to fund any care I need in old age. I once told a good friend my net worth and she threw back her head and laughed- probably because you wouldn't guess it from the way I dress every day or the car I drive. My Dad knows- siblings don't but we're all doing well. I can guess which is the richest (youngest brother) but it's not a contest. I have HS friends on FB who use the word "millionaire" as a pejorative since we ALL know millionaires got their money from rigging the stock market, exploiting the masses and taking advantage of tax law loopholes. I'll just let them continue to think I'm subsisting on DH's Survivor benefits from SS and the income from some CD ladders.
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