Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 1, 2023 12:42:45 GMT -5
Interesting article posted today in the New York Times. As it is behind a paywall, will post entire article here. As a Doctor, I Know Being Ready to Die Is an IllusionBy Sunita Puri
Dr. Puri is the author of “That Good Night,” a memoir about her work as a palliative medicine physician.Nine years ago, near the end of my residency training, I sat opposite a patient, wondering whether he’d accepted that he was dying. He was in his 60s, an artist with sinewy arms and serene eyes, someone I’d come to know well over the past three years. Cancer had broken into his liver and bone marrow, robbing him of hunger and energy. Each time I saw him, the hollows of his cheeks deepened. I wanted to tell him that he was dying, that I wanted to understand how he envisioned spending his remaining life. But he mostly spoke about his plans: a camping vacation in six months, a friend’s wedding after that. I awaited some sort of arbitrary signal that it was safe to talk about dying. Maybe he’d tell me that he didn’t want more chemotherapy or that his affairs were in order. Like many physicians, I feared that by talking about death before he appeared ready, I might take away his hope, make him give up or send him into an unstoppable tailspin of anxiety and depression. Whether he hadn’t accepted his fate or simply wished to avoid the subject, he didn’t appear to be ready to talk about his death. How could I reconcile what appeared to be our radically different interpretations of his condition? By waiting for him to act in ways that I understood as acceptance, I thought that I was being compassionate and sensitive. “I don’t think he understands how sick he is,” I told my supervisor. “He’s not there yet.” In the years since, I have learned that trying to find immutable evidence of someone’s readiness to die is like trying to wrap your arms around a ghost. Reconsidering what we think acceptance means — and whether it will come to pass — requires loosening our expectations of those who are dying. To become better at talking to one another honestly about death and to truly prepare for it, we must first understand why we expect the dying to demonstrate readiness in the first place. During residency, my compatriots and I relied on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s stages of dying. We were quick to diagnose denial and wait for acceptance. We assumed certain decisions that we wanted people to make reflected readiness — a patient with heart failure who agreed to a do-not-resuscitate order, another with emphysema who enrolled in hospice. But if patients dying of cancer insisted on life support, we figured that they probably weren’t there yet. When people sobbed or screamed during conversations about their illness worsening, we told ourselves they simply weren’t ready. We didn’t want to stumble through the thicket with them; we wanted to meet them at the clearing. My patients’ families often searched for similar clues, their pain amplified if their loved one didn’t appear to have come to terms with death or wasn’t ready to let go. Such searching, while well intentioned, betrays fears about suffering — the patients’ and our own. If the dying reassure us that they are ready to die, perhaps we may live with a softer grief. If they show us that they are ready to go, we can be readier to let them go. The stark separation between those who are dying and those who are not is complicated inside a hospital. Family members and medical teams experience and respond to dying people’s suffering in distinct ways. Yet doctors and families alike can shackle those who are dying with gauzy expectations: Perhaps they have newfound wisdom to bestow. Maybe their regrets will remind us what really matters in life. Saccharine fantasies of deathbed reconciliations protect us from the full spectrum of our emotions and those of the people we will lose. But romanticizing the dying strips them of their complexity. They are still human, equally capable of picking fights or making amends. Fantasy also obscures a scarier question: If a loved one or a patient isn’t ready to die, how should we respond? It is easier to search for readiness than to process what its absence means. Distilling human experience into supposedly self-explanatory concepts like accepting death becomes a bandage that we apply, hoping that the raw emotions about death won’t bleed through. We want neatness and containment, not the spill of grief. But death is never neat. A good death should be defined by how well and honestly we care for the dying, not by their performance on our behalf. Expecting them to make death a process full of insight and peace only limits our full emotional and spiritual participation in their death. By sacrificing neatness, we can have a conversation about what the dying truly need from us. Understanding their authentic experiences helps us not only to see them more fully but also to prepare, together, for losing them. Nine years ago, I wasn’t ready to confront my expectations of my patient; doing so would have required dismantling the myths I had about myself as a steward of hope. My expectations were a self-aggrandizing way of holding him at a distance. Fearing that he couldn’t handle a conversation about death was infantilizing, a form of paternalism, however well intentioned. How was I any different from physicians in decades past who withheld patients’ diagnoses to spare them suffering they supposedly couldn’t handle? To be the physician my patient needed, I had to accept that neither he nor I could be fully prepared for his death. I had to trust that a man three decades my senior was capable of handling life-altering information, that he had experienced tremendous loss before, that nothing and nobody could control how he would contend with this last leg of his life. But instead, I waited for him to initiate a conversation that was my responsibility to start. Now, as an attending physician, I hear echoes of my younger self when I talk with residents. If they mention that a patient isn’t ready to die, I ask what it looks like for someone to be ready to die. I remind them, gently, that awaiting specific imaginings of readiness may only justify excusing themselves from sharing hard truths with someone whose reactions they cannot anticipate. Abandoning this search may allow them to care for people in a way that might inspire their own versions of preparation. Nine years ago, I think my patient sensed both my urge to tell him something and my hesitance. “Are you OK?” he asked me one day. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” I stammered, looking past him at the eye chart on the wall. “I’m worried about you, because every time I see you, you’re losing weight and seem less like yourself.” “It’s because I’m dying.” He was matter-of-fact, as though he’d just said it was raining outside. I was stunned, then relieved. Yet I still struggled to tell him what I wanted to say. “I am so sorry,” I whispered. “It’s not your fault. My father died in my arms. So did my wife,” he said. “It’s just my turn now.” “I feel bad that I didn’t talk to you about this sooner,” I said. “I thought I’d upset you or maybe you weren’t ready yet.” He laughed. “Ready?” he said. “I’ve wrapped my head around being dead, certainly. Not sure if I’ll ever really be ready. It’s not like packing a bag and standing outside waiting for a taxi.” He died in his sleep a month later, missing his vacation and his friend’s wedding. Even if he told me he was ready, nothing could have lessened the blunt force of losing him. As a Doctor, I Know Being Ready to Die Is an Illusion
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Apr 2, 2023 15:26:51 GMT -5
That's an amazing piece, Tennesseer. Thank you for posting.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 7, 2023 9:10:27 GMT -5
So according to my dad there are "armpits" of nursing homes and GU is in one. He's finally on Medicaid but he couldn't stay at the facility he was at so they moved him to another location of it and my dad said it SUCKS like REALLY sucks. There isn't really anything we can do since GU doesn't have any money to private pay anywhere else for awhile and all the good ones are starting to "require" you do so even though legally if they accept Medicaid they are supposed to take you. He said GU unfortunately made his bed in that regard. Not so much with no money but refusal to take care of himself. He could have probably avoided all this if he had stopped acting like an invalid and learned to live with a handicap. I said it sucks the nursing home is sucking it all up but I guess good thing grandma did have the house and $100k saved. He said yeah he owes psycho-bitch a thank you for running a nice facility. She's still a horrible human being but the facility does take good care of my grandmother overall. I suppose this is a warning. I know that there is probably no way on God's green Earth I will ever save/invest enough to pay 100% out of pocket for elder care if I need it but it is important to save SOMETHING so you at least have a ticket into a nicer facility and be grandfathered in when you run out of money. You don't want to be on Medicaid from the get go. And the real kicker is the one GU is in costs $1k more a month! So that's a good lesson too that with nursing homes it turns out "get what you pay for" is not a sure a thing.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Apr 7, 2023 11:13:40 GMT -5
So according to my dad there are "armpits" of nursing homes and GU is in one. He's finally on Medicaid but he couldn't stay at the facility he was at so they moved him to another location of it and my dad said it SUCKS like REALLY sucks. There isn't really anything we can do since GU doesn't have any money to private pay anywhere else for awhile and all the good ones are starting to "require" you do so even though legally if they accept Medicaid they are supposed to take you. He said GU unfortunately made his bed in that regard. Not so much with no money but refusal to take care of himself. He could have probably avoided all this if he had stopped acting like an invalid and learned to live with a handicap. I said it sucks the nursing home is sucking it all up but I guess good thing grandma did have the house and $100k saved. He said yeah he owes psycho-bitch a thank you for running a nice facility. She's still a horrible human being but the facility does take good care of my grandmother overall. I suppose this is a warning. I know that there is probably no way on God's green Earth I will ever save/invest enough to pay 100% out of pocket for elder care if I need it but it is important to save SOMETHING so you at least have a ticket into a nicer facility and be grandfathered in when you run out of money. You don't want to be on Medicaid from the get go. And the real kicker is the one GU is in costs $1k more a month! So that's a good lesson too that with nursing homes it turns out "get what you pay for" is not a sure a thing. Yes, you really have to do your homework with the facilities. My dad was lucky that the skilled nursing facility he went to after breaking bones three times did take some Medicaid custodial care patients. Not a fancy facility but I think the care was probably better than some "pretty" ones. It was also affiliated with Kaiser and I think that made a difference too. But let's face it, none of these places are ideal. I would have preferred that he stay at home and have aids visit but that didn't happen. It's been a hard lesson to accept that some stuff is out of your control.
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Apr 7, 2023 13:08:16 GMT -5
I just read this article yesterday, like there isn't enough to worry about retirement. linkShirley Holtz, 91, used a walker to get around. She had dementia and was enrolled in hospice care. Despite her age and infirmity, Holtz was evicted from the assisted-living facility she called home for four years because she relied on government health insurance for low-income seniors.
Holtz was one of 15 residents told to vacate Emerald Bay Retirement Community near Green Bay, Wis., after the facility stopped accepting payment from a state-sponsored Medicaid program. And Emerald Bay is not alone. A recent spate of evictions has ousted dozens of assisted-living residents in Wisconsin who depended on Medicaid to pay their bills — an increasingly common practice, according to industry representatives.
The evictions highlight the pitfalls of the U.S. long-term care system, which is showing fractures from the pandemic just as a wave of 73 million baby boomers is hitting an age where they are likely to need more day-to-day care. About 4.4 million Americans have some form of long-term care paid for by Medicaid, the state-federal health system for the poor, a patchy safety net that industry representatives say pays facilities too little.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 13, 2023 8:53:42 GMT -5
So according to my dad there are "armpits" of nursing homes and GU is in one. He's finally on Medicaid but he couldn't stay at the facility he was at so they moved him to another location of it and my dad said it SUCKS like REALLY sucks. There isn't really anything we can do since GU doesn't have any money to private pay anywhere else for awhile and all the good ones are starting to "require" you do so even though legally if they accept Medicaid they are supposed to take you. He said GU unfortunately made his bed in that regard. Not so much with no money but refusal to take care of himself. He could have probably avoided all this if he had stopped acting like an invalid and learned to live with a handicap. I said it sucks the nursing home is sucking it all up but I guess good thing grandma did have the house and $100k saved. He said yeah he owes psycho-bitch a thank you for running a nice facility. She's still a horrible human being but the facility does take good care of my grandmother overall. I suppose this is a warning. I know that there is probably no way on God's green Earth I will ever save/invest enough to pay 100% out of pocket for elder care if I need it but it is important to save SOMETHING so you at least have a ticket into a nicer facility and be grandfathered in when you run out of money. You don't want to be on Medicaid from the get go. And the real kicker is the one GU is in costs $1k more a month! So that's a good lesson too that with nursing homes it turns out "get what you pay for" is not a sure a thing. Yes, you really have to do your homework with the facilities. My dad was lucky that the skilled nursing facility he went to after breaking bones three times did take some Medicaid custodial care patients. Not a fancy facility but I think the care was probably better than some "pretty" ones. It was also affiliated with Kaiser and I think that made a difference too. But let's face it, none of these places are ideal. I would have preferred that he stay at home and have aids visit but that didn't happen. It's been a hard lesson to accept that some stuff is out of your control. True. We just tracked down a $1400 charge to medicare for my grandmother back in January. Supposedly it is for "physical therapy". WHAT physical therapy?! They leave her in a damn chair all day long! I can tell from the condition of her legs, especially the one that has palsy, that she is NOT moving like she should be especially considering her disability. My dad is upset about the one GU is stuck in. I know GU was a small business owner but he was also getting help from my grandma all those years and the house was paid off he inherited from great grandma. There is zero reason he couldn't have put SOMETHING small away in his 80+ years of life to avoid going automatically to the state run nursing home. This is what happens when your entire elder care plan is to be codependent on other people and their money. I told dad he went beyond what would be expected of someone, especially a nephew to help and GU refused to cooperate. That's on GU. Granted grandma's plan was also to be co-dependent on my dad but at least she had money saved. It was supposed to go to my dad (and us) upon her death. Unfortunately now it goes to the home because she was too damn stubborn to listen to us.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 9, 2023 7:05:04 GMT -5
Nothing is ever easy. My brother was at grandma's house yesterday. Pulled a note off the door about issues with the water service. They are making noise about it still being in her name. They finally agreed to take my name/number as a contact.
The other issue is the swampy backyard noted by my cousin and uncle is not a result of all the rain but rather the young man who's been hired to mow the grass and power wash left the water running at the hose spout. And actually I think the power washing is being done by the guy's friend.
No more, I'm putting an end to it. If they can't be responsible enough to turn off the water when they are done, we'll have to do it ourselves.
This bill is going to be $500+ at least when the prior one to this guy's screw up was $41. They mentioned the possibility of adjusting it some depending on the cause. I'm guessing sheer stupidity is not cause for an adjustment.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 9, 2023 7:59:19 GMT -5
That is what makes not living in the same area and trying to do things so difficult. I'm sorry.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 9, 2023 9:20:16 GMT -5
So according to my dad there are "armpits" of nursing homes and GU is in one. He's finally on Medicaid but he couldn't stay at the facility he was at so they moved him to another location of it and my dad said it SUCKS like REALLY sucks. There isn't really anything we can do since GU doesn't have any money to private pay anywhere else for awhile and all the good ones are starting to "require" you do so even though legally if they accept Medicaid they are supposed to take you. He said GU unfortunately made his bed in that regard. Not so much with no money but refusal to take care of himself. He could have probably avoided all this if he had stopped acting like an invalid and learned to live with a handicap. I said it sucks the nursing home is sucking it all up but I guess good thing grandma did have the house and $100k saved. He said yeah he owes psycho-bitch a thank you for running a nice facility. She's still a horrible human being but the facility does take good care of my grandmother overall. I suppose this is a warning. I know that there is probably no way on God's green Earth I will ever save/invest enough to pay 100% out of pocket for elder care if I need it but it is important to save SOMETHING so you at least have a ticket into a nicer facility and be grandfathered in when you run out of money. You don't want to be on Medicaid from the get go. And the real kicker is the one GU is in costs $1k more a month! So that's a good lesson too that with nursing homes it turns out "get what you pay for" is not a sure a thing. Can he not go to the one grandma is in? Isn't she on Medicaid too?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 9, 2023 9:23:59 GMT -5
My parents are out of control. My mom keeps driving herself places and not telling me until after the fact. She's always been an awful driver. She's infamous for being hands down the worst driver in the family. Always has been. Now that she's 70 yo, add old age into the equation and she's an accident waiting to happen. Her doctor retired so I don't know who to talk to about revoking her license. I keep telling her to just let me know where she needs to go and I'll take her. She doesn't listen.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 9, 2023 9:25:48 GMT -5
So according to my dad there are "armpits" of nursing homes and GU is in one. He's finally on Medicaid but he couldn't stay at the facility he was at so they moved him to another location of it and my dad said it SUCKS like REALLY sucks. There isn't really anything we can do since GU doesn't have any money to private pay anywhere else for awhile and all the good ones are starting to "require" you do so even though legally if they accept Medicaid they are supposed to take you. He said GU unfortunately made his bed in that regard. Not so much with no money but refusal to take care of himself. He could have probably avoided all this if he had stopped acting like an invalid and learned to live with a handicap. I said it sucks the nursing home is sucking it all up but I guess good thing grandma did have the house and $100k saved. He said yeah he owes psycho-bitch a thank you for running a nice facility. She's still a horrible human being but the facility does take good care of my grandmother overall. I suppose this is a warning. I know that there is probably no way on God's green Earth I will ever save/invest enough to pay 100% out of pocket for elder care if I need it but it is important to save SOMETHING so you at least have a ticket into a nicer facility and be grandfathered in when you run out of money. You don't want to be on Medicaid from the get go. And the real kicker is the one GU is in costs $1k more a month! So that's a good lesson too that with nursing homes it turns out "get what you pay for" is not a sure a thing. Can he not go to the one grandma is in? Isn't she on Medicaid too? No. Grandma is not on Medicaid YET. She will be come September/October. The one she is in will not take Medicaid patients up front. They expect you to have 18 months private pay to be admitted, which is apparently their right to do so. In fact out of 72 nursing home beds less than 20 are occupied and those are all private pay. HOWEVER since they do accept Medicaid and grandma had the money to pay 18 months they won't kick her out once she is on Medicaid. She is grandfathered (grandmothered?) in. GU has no money whatsoever. He is poverty stricken. So he had to go to one that accepted Medicaid upfront. It's not a BAD nursing home per se according to my dad but it's certainly not one he would have chosen for GU and it is definitely a significant downgrade from the place that grandma is. My grandma lives in a duplex type set up. It's a dual room that shares a bathroom and common area but both patients have their own individual sleeping space. It has cost her $160k to be in a position to get that deal. She can't have the single occupancy room on Medicaid but since this is a nicer nursing home they have a better set up for Medicaid patients that still meets the qualifications but is more dignified for patients. GU shares a room that is about as big as my daughter's bedroom with another patient and all there is is a curtain separating them. That's what you get when all you have to offer upfront is Medicaid. This is the game the system plays now. They are all owned by corporations who only care about profit margins. If you can pay upfront, you get the good place. You can't, you go wherever the state sticks you. So yeah my new retirement goal is to hopefully have enough to gain admittance to a good nursing home. Screw having any kind of life I need to hoard that money so I don't end up where GU is. And who knows what the entry fee is going to be once I get to be that age. The idea that ANYONE can fully self fund nursing home care is a crock of crap.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 9, 2023 9:37:43 GMT -5
My parents are out of control. My mom keeps driving herself places and not telling me until after the fact. She's always been an awful driver. She's infamous for being hands down the worst driver in the family. Always has been. Now that she's 70 yo, add old age into the equation and she's an accident waiting to happen. Her doctor retired so I don't know who to talk to about revoking her license. I keep telling her to just let me know where she needs to go and I'll take her. She doesn't listen. You can try taking her to the DMV. If she is bad enough and doesn't pass the test she won't have a license. HOWEVER that won't stop her from driving if she is intent on doing so. You can't take a comptent adult's vehicle away from them without their consent. The only way she would get caught driving without a license is if she gets pulled over. My dad would constantly "sabotage" GUs truck but then he would take it to the mechanic and have it fixed then start driving it again. Legally my dad could not damage the truck to the point where it actually was undrivable because it did not belong to him. On top of that he'd drive my grandmother from Treynor! It really upset my dad but I said we are going to have to accept they are adults. If they want to go out Thelma and Louise style they made their choice we can only hope they don't take out people out with them.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 9, 2023 9:57:33 GMT -5
My parents are out of control. My mom keeps driving herself places and not telling me until after the fact. She's always been an awful driver. She's infamous for being hands down the worst driver in the family. Always has been. Now that she's 70 yo, add old age into the equation and she's an accident waiting to happen. Her doctor retired so I don't know who to talk to about revoking her license. I keep telling her to just let me know where she needs to go and I'll take her. She doesn't listen. You can try taking her to the DMV. If she is bad enough and doesn't pass the test she won't have a license. HOWEVER that won't stop her from driving if she is intent on doing so. You can't take a comptent adult's vehicle away from them without their consent. The only way she would get caught driving without a license is if she gets pulled over. My dad would constantly "sabotage" GUs truck but then he would take it to the mechanic and have it fixed then start driving it again. Legally my dad could not damage the truck to the point where it actually was undrivable because it did not belong to him. On top of that he'd drive my grandmother from Treynor! It really upset my dad but I said we are going to have to accept they are adults. If they want to go out Thelma and Louise style they made their choice we can only hope they don't take out people out with them. Hmm. I wonder when her DL comes up for renewal. I'll have to find out if a test is required at a certain age or if I can request one. You'd think that when an old lady with a walker comes in to renew her DL that someone would ask for her to jump through some hoops, but who knows.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on May 9, 2023 10:13:09 GMT -5
At my father's wake, a client told me that I should distribute most of my parents' money to my siblings, so that Mom would qualify for Medicaid if she needed to go to a nursing home. I told him my parents did not scrimp and save all their lives to have my mother wind up in the local Medicaid nursing home for the indigent.
I have never planned on receiving an inheritance because I am fully aware that if Mom does need to go into a nursing home, it could eat up all her assets. It's her money; it should be used to keep her comfortable and well cared for. Fortunately, at this point she is still in her home with one of my siblings as a caregiver.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 9, 2023 10:17:37 GMT -5
You can try taking her to the DMV. If she is bad enough and doesn't pass the test she won't have a license. HOWEVER that won't stop her from driving if she is intent on doing so. You can't take a comptent adult's vehicle away from them without their consent. The only way she would get caught driving without a license is if she gets pulled over. My dad would constantly "sabotage" GUs truck but then he would take it to the mechanic and have it fixed then start driving it again. Legally my dad could not damage the truck to the point where it actually was undrivable because it did not belong to him. On top of that he'd drive my grandmother from Treynor! It really upset my dad but I said we are going to have to accept they are adults. If they want to go out Thelma and Louise style they made their choice we can only hope they don't take out people out with them. Hmm. I wonder when her DL comes up for renewal. I'll have to find out if a test is required at a certain age or if I can request one. You'd think that when an old lady with a walker comes in to renew her DL that someone would ask for her to jump through some hoops, but who knows. You'd think but my great aunt was legally blind and still managed to get her license renewed. It was in the last couple years they finally stopped or she voluntarily gave it up.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 9, 2023 10:22:41 GMT -5
My parents are out of control. My mom keeps driving herself places and not telling me until after the fact. She's always been an awful driver. She's infamous for being hands down the worst driver in the family. Always has been. Now that she's 70 yo, add old age into the equation and she's an accident waiting to happen. Her doctor retired so I don't know who to talk to about revoking her license. I keep telling her to just let me know where she needs to go and I'll take her. She doesn't listen. You can try taking her to the DMV. If she is bad enough and doesn't pass the test she won't have a license. HOWEVER that won't stop her from driving if she is intent on doing so. You can't take a comptent adult's vehicle away from them without their consent. The only way she would get caught driving without a license is if she gets pulled over. My dad would constantly "sabotage" GUs truck but then he would take it to the mechanic and have it fixed then start driving it again. Legally my dad could not damage the truck to the point where it actually was undrivable because it did not belong to him. On top of that he'd drive my grandmother from Treynor! It really upset my dad but I said we are going to have to accept they are adults. If they want to go out Thelma and Louise style they made their choice we can only hope they don't take out people out with them. Dgf lost his license and I got his car but didn't buy it right away. I was pulled over because a cop ran the plates and saw it was registered to someone with a revoked license. They didn't pull me over for cause and then see the issue. I'm not sure how they were able to run plates that quickly and I was pulled over recently for expired plates, but I had paid for the registration just didn't have the stickers yet and it took that cop forever to look up my plates and know I was telling the truth which makes the previous time even more confusing.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 9, 2023 10:46:16 GMT -5
You can try taking her to the DMV. If she is bad enough and doesn't pass the test she won't have a license. HOWEVER that won't stop her from driving if she is intent on doing so. You can't take a comptent adult's vehicle away from them without their consent. The only way she would get caught driving without a license is if she gets pulled over. My dad would constantly "sabotage" GUs truck but then he would take it to the mechanic and have it fixed then start driving it again. Legally my dad could not damage the truck to the point where it actually was undrivable because it did not belong to him. On top of that he'd drive my grandmother from Treynor! It really upset my dad but I said we are going to have to accept they are adults. If they want to go out Thelma and Louise style they made their choice we can only hope they don't take out people out with them. Dgf lost his license and I got his car but didn't buy it right away. I was pulled over because a cop ran the plates and saw it was registered to someone with a revoked license. They didn't pull me over for cause and then see the issue. I'm not sure how they were able to run plates that quickly and I was pulled over recently for expired plates, but I had paid for the registration just didn't have the stickers yet and it took that cop forever to look up my plates and know I was telling the truth which makes the previous time even more confusing. I don't know where you live, but I live in KS. I'm a horrific procrastinator. I routinely pay to renew my tags until the last day, but I do it with the iKan app. I still have to wait for the sticker in the mail, but I have a digital registration that I can show a police officer if I get pulled over. Do you have something similar maybe?
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 9, 2023 10:49:50 GMT -5
Dgf lost his license and I got his car but didn't buy it right away. I was pulled over because a cop ran the plates and saw it was registered to someone with a revoked license. They didn't pull me over for cause and then see the issue. I'm not sure how they were able to run plates that quickly and I was pulled over recently for expired plates, but I had paid for the registration just didn't have the stickers yet and it took that cop forever to look up my plates and know I was telling the truth which makes the previous time even more confusing. I don't know where you live, but I live in KS. I'm a horrific procrastinator. I routinely pay to renew my tags until the last day, but I do it with the iKan app. I still have to wait for the sticker in the mail, but I have a digital registration that I can show a police officer if I get pulled over. Do you have something similar maybe? No, but that would be nice.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 9, 2023 11:04:33 GMT -5
As far as getting driver's licenses revoked, doctors around here will not writer a letter or assist with that.
They seem to somehow pass the DL test so get a license. We had a church member who wanted her license restricted to just her town and no highway driving. She had a terrible time getting that done and she knew she shouldn't be driving anywhere. She wanted the restricted license so if she was thinking about going to town on the highway, she would know she couldn't.
BIL couldn't get a doctor to sign to get his mother's license revoked. She did it voluntarily after 3 major accidents in about 6 months. When she got the insurance bill and it was more than her monthly income per month. BIL is not an early bird. She called him at 7 AM and he got his rear in gear and got over there. While she was in the mood, he took her to the court house to have the title signed over.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 9, 2023 11:34:22 GMT -5
I got in touch with a trusted local cousin. They are going to check on the situation. Luckily my brother put the electronic lock on the door literally yesterday. The letter the city left just stated there was an issue with the account. No detail. Had it said your meter reading is sky high he would have looked all around.
Everything is more difficult than necessary. I'm just flat out annoyed at my uncle. He can't function. He can barely get out of bed to take the dog out. But he insists on trying to be involved and he hired this guy who has now majorly screwed up.
He needs to stay out of the way. I give no more damns about his pride or inability to accept that his mind and body are failing rapidly. Just stay out of my way and cash your check.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 9, 2023 15:03:39 GMT -5
Can he not go to the one grandma is in? Isn't she on Medicaid too? No. Grandma is not on Medicaid YET. She will be come September/October. The one she is in will not take Medicaid patients up front. They expect you to have 18 months private pay to be admitted, which is apparently their right to do so. In fact out of 72 nursing home beds less than 20 are occupied and those are all private pay. HOWEVER since they do accept Medicaid and grandma had the money to pay 18 months they won't kick her out once she is on Medicaid. She is grandfathered (grandmothered?) in. GU has no money whatsoever. He is poverty stricken. So he had to go to one that accepted Medicaid upfront. It's not a BAD nursing home per se according to my dad but it's certainly not one he would have chosen for GU and it is definitely a significant downgrade from the place that grandma is. My grandma lives in a duplex type set up. It's a dual room that shares a bathroom and common area but both patients have their own individual sleeping space. It has cost her $160k to be in a position to get that deal. She can't have the single occupancy room on Medicaid but since this is a nicer nursing home they have a better set up for Medicaid patients that still meets the qualifications but is more dignified for patients. GU shares a room that is about as big as my daughter's bedroom with another patient and all there is is a curtain separating them. That's what you get when all you have to offer upfront is Medicaid. This is the game the system plays now. They are all owned by corporations who only care about profit margins. If you can pay upfront, you get the good place. You can't, you go wherever the state sticks you. So yeah my new retirement goal is to hopefully have enough to gain admittance to a good nursing home. Screw having any kind of life I need to hoard that money so I don't end up where GU is. And who knows what the entry fee is going to be once I get to be that age. The idea that ANYONE can fully self fund nursing home care is a crock of crap. Another thing that can happen, in Indiana, at least, is if you are admitted to the hospital, after a certain number of days, they give your bed to someone else. It likely varies by state and maybe even payor. My sister was a Medicaid patient and was transfered and admitted to the hospital. When the hospital discharged her, her bed had been filled, so she was sent elsewhere - 100 miles away.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 31, 2023 8:43:01 GMT -5
My uncle has been hospitalized and is on a ventilator. He has myasthenia gravis and this happened before when my aunt was dying. They were both in the ICU at one point before my aunt passed.
Apparently the medical term is myasthenic crisis. His airway is basically blocked hence the ventilator.
I need to check with my dad tonight and see if my cousin has power of attorney, etc.
I just want to get the house sold and everything distributed without further complications and his death would be a big one.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 31, 2023 9:37:47 GMT -5
Hugs,
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 31, 2023 9:43:31 GMT -5
No. Grandma is not on Medicaid YET. She will be come September/October. The one she is in will not take Medicaid patients up front. They expect you to have 18 months private pay to be admitted, which is apparently their right to do so. In fact out of 72 nursing home beds less than 20 are occupied and those are all private pay. HOWEVER since they do accept Medicaid and grandma had the money to pay 18 months they won't kick her out once she is on Medicaid. She is grandfathered (grandmothered?) in. GU has no money whatsoever. He is poverty stricken. So he had to go to one that accepted Medicaid upfront. It's not a BAD nursing home per se according to my dad but it's certainly not one he would have chosen for GU and it is definitely a significant downgrade from the place that grandma is. My grandma lives in a duplex type set up. It's a dual room that shares a bathroom and common area but both patients have their own individual sleeping space. It has cost her $160k to be in a position to get that deal. She can't have the single occupancy room on Medicaid but since this is a nicer nursing home they have a better set up for Medicaid patients that still meets the qualifications but is more dignified for patients. GU shares a room that is about as big as my daughter's bedroom with another patient and all there is is a curtain separating them. That's what you get when all you have to offer upfront is Medicaid. This is the game the system plays now. They are all owned by corporations who only care about profit margins. If you can pay upfront, you get the good place. You can't, you go wherever the state sticks you. So yeah my new retirement goal is to hopefully have enough to gain admittance to a good nursing home. Screw having any kind of life I need to hoard that money so I don't end up where GU is. And who knows what the entry fee is going to be once I get to be that age. The idea that ANYONE can fully self fund nursing home care is a crock of crap. Another thing that can happen, in Indiana, at least, is if you are admitted to the hospital, after a certain number of days, they give your bed to someone else. It likely varies by state and maybe even payor. My sister was a Medicaid patient and was transfered and admitted to the hospital. When the hospital discharged her, her bed had been filled, so she was sent elsewhere - 100 miles away. Not sure it's still true in my state but that was the case when my mother went from nursing home to hospital once. I had to make a quick decision based on sketch medical facts. I'm thinking the day limit was 3 but that was back in 1996 so memory may be off in number of days. But it wasn't even a week! ETA: She wasn't on Medicaid so terms may have been different. She didn't live long enough to reach Medicaid status.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 31, 2023 11:18:53 GMT -5
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 31, 2023 12:49:41 GMT -5
My dad was able to visit him yesterday. Dad said he was sleeping but woke up and recognized him. Vitals are stable but he's in this episode where some voluntary muscle movements such as breathing are not happening.
I of course thought of all my questions after speaking to dad yesterday. I hope dad knows the answers about POA, will, etc.
DH and I need to go get our documents in order. My mom is supposed to be doing hers this year. Dad's are done. They could use an update but documents are there if I need them.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on May 31, 2023 15:04:36 GMT -5
I hope you are able to do what you need to do, wvugurl26.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on May 31, 2023 15:13:35 GMT -5
So sorry you're dealing with more of these issues wvugurl26.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2023 15:16:12 GMT -5
I am so sorry wvugurl26 You've had a lot on your plate this year
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 1, 2023 15:53:35 GMT -5
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