giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 8, 2017 9:20:06 GMT -5
The peanut is like that..it's really soul sucking, sometimes. I now that I will take some heat over this, BUT, Why do you allow your kids to control you like this? Trust me, OC..If there were some way I could have *prevented* my third's personality, I would have given both my arms to do so. But, I can't unring that bell. I can't go back to while she was gestating, and ask the dr to figure out some way to change her personality. Out of all three of my kids, I'm worried about the peanut the least. She's got a backbone. She's smart and resourceful. She's a better problem solver than my 13 yo. She's the one that's going to make shit happen in this world. Out of all my kids, she's also demonstrates her love for us much more. Now, my oldest, he's a "good" kid. Compliant. Never went through the terrible twos or threes. Kid has no backbone and is a rule follower without question. THIS is the child that I worry about the most as he navigates adulthood. And our peanut does not control us. She only really responds to natural consequences. When she's fought us on getting strapped in her car seat, we've elected to walk home from an activity vs. fighting her. After that, we've rarely had a problem with her getting into her car seat. Trust me, Old Coyote, I used to feel just like you when I saw parents with difficult kids. My first two were easy. So damn easy. I thought clearly parents were screwing up when I heard about difficult children. And then I had my third. And I have been humbled in more ways than I could ever imagine. And then, I was just glad that I kept my mouth shut. Same parents. Same environment. Same damn rules. Nature is a powerful thing.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on May 8, 2017 10:32:11 GMT -5
I really do think we have the same kid, but mine was first. I adore him, but he makes me pretty scared to have another kid.
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on May 8, 2017 10:39:36 GMT -5
You and I have the same kid, MJ, I swear. My second is very different. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It's a crapshoot.
If I made everything a battle that COULD be a battle, I would probably drop dead from frustration. I've learned what is a hill worth dying on and what isn't. Every day is a learning experience for us both.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on May 8, 2017 10:41:32 GMT -5
I will say that mine has mellowed out a little. Instead of tantrums, if he wants something he will try and logic/reason you to death. I am both impressed and really annoyed.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 8, 2017 10:57:46 GMT -5
At least it's only one kid for you. BOTH my kids can turn everything into a battle. In Gwen's case she's a future lawyer in the making because every time I tell her to do something she comes up with a counter proposal. It's either pick my battles or start drinking. I've already accepted that I have failed as a parent by board standards and I have destined them to the life of special snowflakes.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 8, 2017 11:01:38 GMT -5
The peanut is like that..it's really soul sucking, sometimes. I now that I will take some heat over this, BUT, Why do you allow your kids to control you like this? Trust me, OC..If there were some way I could have *prevented* my third's personality, I would have given both my arms to do so. But, I can't unring that bell. I can't go back to while she was gestating, and ask the dr to figure out some way to change her personality. Out of all three of my kids, I'm worried about the peanut the least. She's got a backbone. She's smart and resourceful. She's a better problem solver than my 13 yo. She's the one that's going to make shit happen in this world. Out of all my kids, she's also demonstrates her love for us much more. Now, my oldest, he's a "good" kid. Compliant. Never went through the terrible twos or threes. Kid has no backbone and is a rule follower without question. THIS is the child that I worry about the most as he navigates adulthood. And our peanut does not control us. She only really responds to natural consequences. When she's fought us on getting strapped in her car seat, we've elected to walk home from an activity vs. fighting her. After that, we've rarely had a problem with her getting into her car seat. Trust me, Old Coyote, I used to feel just like you when I saw parents with difficult kids. My first two were easy. So damn easy. I thought clearly parents were screwing up when I heard about difficult children. And then I had my third. And I have been humbled in more ways than I could ever imagine. And then, I was just glad that I kept my mouth shut. Same parents. Same environment. Same damn rules. Nature is a powerful thing. DS is my easy kid. But he's so damn easy going I fear for him. The only thing that gets him riled up is his sister. She drives him craxybb
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on May 8, 2017 11:06:51 GMT -5
At least it's only one kid for you. BOTH my kids can turn everything into a battle. In Gwen's case she's a future lawyer in the making because every time I tell her to do something she comes up with a counter proposal. It's either pick my battles or start drinking. I've already accepted that I have failed as a parent by board standards and I have destined them to the life of special snowflakes. If I had a second one like DS, that one would have been mailed back to the stork.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 15, 2024 1:13:14 GMT -5
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Ugh.
May 8, 2017 11:17:03 GMT -5
Jaguar likes this
Post by Deleted on May 8, 2017 11:17:03 GMT -5
Neither one of my kids has been easy, but they're also very different in how they challenge me. I really dread the teenage years with younger. He is so defiant already now at 6. OMG. Plus, he just goes off the deep end. If I tell him to put a toy away to eat dinner, he'll give me the "So, I can never play with this again?" speech. Often followed by working himself up into throwing it in the trash, because...you know...can't ever play with it again anyhow. His brother was never like this. Always pretty calm and rational. Just LAZY as all get out with everything in life. He is getting better in that regard though. Knock on wood.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 8, 2017 11:23:28 GMT -5
I will say that mine has mellowed out a little. Instead of tantrums, if he wants something he will try and logic/reason you to death. I am both impressed and really annoyed. See, that's what happened for us. Something magical happened at 4...and 4K was phenomenal for the peanut. I'm also happy she saves the crap behavior for DH and I. We get nothing but glowing comments about what a delight she is at school.
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MJ2.0
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Ugh.
May 8, 2017 11:29:06 GMT -5
Post by MJ2.0 on May 8, 2017 11:29:06 GMT -5
I will say that mine has mellowed out a little. Instead of tantrums, if he wants something he will try and logic/reason you to death. I am both impressed and really annoyed. See, that's what happened for us. Something magical happened at 4...and 4K was phenomenal for the peanut. I'm also happy she saves the crap behavior for DH and I. We get nothing but glowing comments about what a delight she is at school. oh no, we still get the occasional report of him not doing well. But we know there are things beyond his control that cause him to be constantly on the move. There is also this kid in his class who seems to be a troublemaker, and DS has gotten into trouble because of him. DS loves everyone and is a people pleaser, and this is what I was afraid of. I told him that he is the boss of himself and that if this kid tries to get him to do something wrong, he is to say no. Between that, his good looks, and his penchant for hugging, I am not at all looking forward to the teen years.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on May 8, 2017 11:32:31 GMT -5
First guy is pretty compliant most of the time, but is high-strung, and perhaps some ADHD. Other guy is capable of sitting still, but charges ahead and does what he wants to. First guy will whine and cry and act helpless. Second guy goes ahead and fends for himself, but will throw a fit/ have a tantrum if he doesn't get his way. First guy finds more things to try to get away with by watching his younger brother. Things that wouldn't occur to him on his own.
And they play off each other. That's why I can go grocery shopping with them individually, but they take advantage of my divided attention when they're together.
And sometimes they play great together.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Ugh.
May 8, 2017 17:24:46 GMT -5
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Post by swamp on May 8, 2017 17:24:46 GMT -5
Now DH is in the hospital. It appears not to be serious, so I'm free to say what the fuck?
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 8, 2017 17:42:03 GMT -5
Holy crap, Swamp! You are one tough lady for still standing dealing with all of this. I'm sorry about your parents and DH needing medical care at all but especially in such close proximity. I hope everybody gets better soon and I hope you are remembering to take care of yourself before you end up in the hospital too. (((Hugs)))
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on May 8, 2017 17:44:53 GMT -5
Use the phrase: "Jesus fucking yellow penguins, what now?"
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 8, 2017 18:03:59 GMT -5
I'm hoping the best for your DH swamp, whatever it is, I'm praying it leaves him good and soon.
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giramomma
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Ugh.
May 8, 2017 18:10:56 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on May 8, 2017 18:10:56 GMT -5
oh, no swamp
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taz157
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Ugh.
May 8, 2017 18:13:39 GMT -5
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Post by taz157 on May 8, 2017 18:13:39 GMT -5
oh, no swamp Yeah that. ((((Hugs))))
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 8, 2017 18:25:01 GMT -5
I'm sorry. This could not have happened at a worse time for you. Not that any other time would have better either.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 8, 2017 18:26:30 GMT -5
Use the phrase: "Jesus fucking yellow penguins, what now?" I just snorted so loud, my son thought something was wrong with me.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 8, 2017 18:32:38 GMT -5
OK, the fucking yellow penguins really made me laugh
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on May 8, 2017 19:01:51 GMT -5
Geez Louise! I'm sorry for all the crap that keeps popping up.
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zibazinski
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Ugh.
May 8, 2017 19:40:19 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on May 8, 2017 19:40:19 GMT -5
DS was easy and DD was not. It's never changed and never will.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on May 8, 2017 21:29:17 GMT -5
I hope your husband gets out of the hospital soon swamp! You've definitely had more than your share of crap lately.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on May 9, 2017 6:31:01 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about your DH swamp. I hope he gets better soon.
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naughtybear
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Post by naughtybear on May 9, 2017 7:11:47 GMT -5
DS was an easy child, DD was different. We still regress back to mother and daughter sometimes.
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OldCoyote
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Ugh.
May 9, 2017 9:45:18 GMT -5
Post by OldCoyote on May 9, 2017 9:45:18 GMT -5
The peanut is like that..it's really soul sucking, sometimes. I now that I will take some heat over this, BUT, Why do you allow your kids to control you like this? Trust me, OC..If there were some way I could have *prevented* my third's personality, I would have given both my arms to do so. But, I can't unring that bell. I can't go back to while she was gestating, and ask the dr to figure out some way to change her personality. Out of all three of my kids, I'm worried about the peanut the least. She's got a backbone. She's smart and resourceful. She's a better problem solver than my 13 yo. She's the one that's going to make shit happen in this world. Out of all my kids, she's also demonstrates her love for us much more. Now, my oldest, he's a "good" kid. Compliant. Never went through the terrible twos or threes. Kid has no backbone and is a rule follower without question. THIS is the child that I worry about the most as he navigates adulthood. And our peanut does not control us. She only really responds to natural consequences. When she's fought us on getting strapped in her car seat, we've elected to walk home from an activity vs. fighting her. After that, we've rarely had a problem with her getting into her car seat. Trust me, Old Coyote, I used to feel just like you when I saw parents with difficult kids. My first two were easy. So damn easy. I thought clearly parents were screwing up when I heard about difficult children. And then I had my third. And I have been humbled in more ways than I could ever imagine. And then, I was just glad that I kept my mouth shut. Same parents. Same environment. Same damn rules. Nature is a powerful thing. We have some very close friends that are Dr.'s, their son was a problem, If we were at a restaurant , the kid didn't get his way he would start screaming , bawling, fall on the floor kicking at everything! The Grandfather was like a 8th degree black belt in Taekwondo, they found a another Master in that, took this kid under his wing so to speak, What a change in that kid, you could not believe the change!
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OldCoyote
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Post by OldCoyote on May 9, 2017 9:50:38 GMT -5
Mom is out and as stable as she can be. So we planned to do the Saturday we had planned yesterday. Then DD decided to be a butthead and we are in our way home. She tries to control everything. She earlier said she would go to Guardians of the Galaxy. Today she said she wanted a pedicure and to go shopping instead but I said no I wanted to go to the movies with DS and DH. She then started to say the movie wasn't appropriate fir her and she would be scared. We went home. I'm not going to listen to her bitch the whole movie. The peanut is like that..it's really soul sucking, sometimes. I now that I will take some heat over this, BUT, Why do you allow your kids to control you like this? Parenting is a process. And if your goals include both having children who behave appropriately and having a positive relationship with them, then sometimes the process can take time as you balance those (sometimes competing) goals. I was a very well behaved child. Not really because of my nature - I'm naturally a troublemaker - but because my parents would literally beat me if they found my behavior problematic. So they quickly achieved the goal of having a child that behaved appropriately but at the expense of having a positive relationship. Incidentally, that method didn't teach me the skills I needed to do self-examination and determine how/what behavior to control, since all my actions were simply 100% focused on the idea of do whatever it takes to not get beaten bloody. Short term gain (behavior) but long term ineffective (no relationship and no skills taught.) Having a positive relationship does not mean a parent is their kid's best friend or sacrifices important lessons to cater to a kid's whim, but it does mean that sometime a parent has to pick battles so the kid has some space to regroup and not feel constantly picked at or "at war". Patience is important. And the tougher you get, the more you also have to provide the love and support. If Swamp or Gira's kids were approaching adulthood, it might be time to examine if the balance of patience/firmness was working. But when you're talking about kids who are still little guys, it's reasonable to look instead at the progress. As long as the Swamp and Gira family are seeing meaningful improvements while still having a positive relationship, things are moving in the right direction... let it play out. They'll get there as long as they keep at it. Not to sure about the beating, but my oldest son's face is still shaped in a corner, from standing in one so long, He is 50 y.o.
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giramomma
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Ugh.
May 9, 2017 9:58:08 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on May 9, 2017 9:58:08 GMT -5
We have some very close friends that are Dr.'s, their son was a problem, If we were at a restaurant , the kid didn't get his way he would start screaming , bawling, fall on the floor kicking at everything! The Grandfather was like a 8th degree black belt in Taekwondo, they found a another Master in that, took this kid under his wing so to speak, What a change in that kid, you could not believe the change! We were going to try Karate with the peanut. She ASKED for lessons. For a couple of months. Got her signed up for a month for $30 with groupon. She wouldn't go to the second class. Well, let me rephrase that. She dug her heals in because she was doing something else she didn't want to stop doing. We gave her like a 45 minute, half hour, and 15 minute heads up. We explained that she couldn't go if she didn't cooperate. Then she finally agreed to go to class about 2 minutes before it started. I told her it was too late. Classes are only a half hour, and it would have been about half over by the time we got there. She does love T-ball. She cooperates for that just fine...even ready to go early. I took her and DD1 out on Saturday to have a ladies day, including lunch in a restaurant. We all had a lovely time. The peanut did not get her way...and she just moved on...
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Ugh.
May 9, 2017 10:27:56 GMT -5
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Post by swamp on May 9, 2017 10:27:56 GMT -5
DH is still in the hospital. I am now getting concerned.
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taz157
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Ugh.
May 9, 2017 10:28:52 GMT -5
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Post by taz157 on May 9, 2017 10:28:52 GMT -5
DH is still in the hospital. I am now getting concerned. What's wrong with him? ((((Hugs))))
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