swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
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Post by swamp on May 2, 2017 14:31:43 GMT -5
I'm burnt.
I can't people anymore.
Who will harbor me when I run away?
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 14:32:16 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by zibazinski on May 2, 2017 14:32:16 GMT -5
🤗
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DagnyT
Established Member
Joined: Aug 2, 2014 13:37:01 GMT -5
Posts: 308
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 14:33:33 GMT -5
Post by DagnyT on May 2, 2017 14:33:33 GMT -5
What's happened?
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 14:34:17 GMT -5
Post by swamp on May 2, 2017 14:34:17 GMT -5
Sick parents. Large workload. DH has some things going on. Raising kids. The usual.
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DagnyT
Established Member
Joined: Aug 2, 2014 13:37:01 GMT -5
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Post by DagnyT on May 2, 2017 14:39:42 GMT -5
Stress, stress, and more stress. I hope your parents get better soon, work slows down a bit, things work out for DH, and kids?? Well, raising kids will always be tough. Focus on the positives and hang in there!!!
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Chocolate Lover
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Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
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Post by Chocolate Lover on May 2, 2017 14:43:28 GMT -5
Come on down!!! It's a short trip to the beach and already beach weather. If you don't want to sleep on my couch my sister has a guest room and lots of booze and loves everybody.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,161
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 14:44:24 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on May 2, 2017 14:44:24 GMT -5
Sorry, swamp.
Can you take some time for extra self-care? An extra pedi or massage or whatever else would help?
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ken a.k.a OMK
Senior Associate
They killed Kenny, the bastards.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:39:20 GMT -5
Posts: 14,240
Location: Maryland
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on May 2, 2017 14:50:35 GMT -5
Sorry. I was going to offer you our guest room but Chocolate Lover has a better location and I'll join you all. That's Northern speak for y'all.
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 14:54:17 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 2, 2017 14:54:17 GMT -5
So sorry Swamp. But I'll join you in a drink tonight. My kids are frustrating and I'm constantly talking dh off a ledge regarding job stress.
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WholeLottaNothin
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 15:19:25 GMT -5
Posts: 1,721
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 14:58:18 GMT -5
Post by WholeLottaNothin on May 2, 2017 14:58:18 GMT -5
You can come visit, though it's not all that far for you to seem like you're getting away. We do have a spare bedroom, but my kids are younger than yours and a lot of work so probably not the break you would hope for lol. It's within driving distance though. And I can grab wine on the way home!
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andi9899
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 6, 2011 10:22:29 GMT -5
Posts: 31,345
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 15:02:52 GMT -5
via mobile
Jaguar likes this
Post by andi9899 on May 2, 2017 15:02:52 GMT -5
I'm burnt.
I can't people anymore.
Who will harbor me when I run away? Me! Come on over!
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NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,893
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 15:05:18 GMT -5
Post by NastyWoman on May 2, 2017 15:05:18 GMT -5
I'm burnt.
I can't people anymore.
Who will harbor me when I run away? Come on over. We also have a mini heat wave here with temps in the 80s for the next couple of days. Nice for a stroll along the beachor a visit to either SF (you're on your own for that) or one of the redwood parks
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 15:08:27 GMT -5
Post by swamp on May 2, 2017 15:08:27 GMT -5
Stress, stress, and more stress. I hope your parents get better soon, work slows down a bit, things work out for DH, and kids?? Well, raising kids will always be tough. Focus on the positives and hang in there!!! My father has congestive heart failure. My mother has cardiac issues, COPD and dementia. Sadly, they will never get better. It is getting worse and I am the only child in the area.
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DagnyT
Established Member
Joined: Aug 2, 2014 13:37:01 GMT -5
Posts: 308
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 15:12:26 GMT -5
Jaguar likes this
Post by DagnyT on May 2, 2017 15:12:26 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that, Swamp. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Chocolate Lover
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Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 15:12:55 GMT -5
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Post by Chocolate Lover on May 2, 2017 15:12:55 GMT -5
Stress, stress, and more stress. I hope your parents get better soon, work slows down a bit, things work out for DH, and kids?? Well, raising kids will always be tough. Focus on the positives and hang in there!!! My father has congestive heart failure. My mother has cardiac issues, COPD and dementia. Sadly, they will never get better. It is getting worse and I am the only child in the area.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,161
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 15:21:52 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on May 2, 2017 15:21:52 GMT -5
Stress, stress, and more stress. I hope your parents get better soon, work slows down a bit, things work out for DH, and kids?? Well, raising kids will always be tough. Focus on the positives and hang in there!!! My father has congestive heart failure. My mother has cardiac issues, COPD and dementia. Sadly, they will never get better. It is getting worse and I am the only child in the area. Can you find someone to work with you, for the time being? Or, can you hire someone to be an after school/weekend nanny for your kids? We're trying our best to keep DH working part time so he can transition easily from caring for our kids to caring for his parents. Otherwise, I don't really know how we could manage.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
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Post by swamp on May 2, 2017 15:29:35 GMT -5
I have afterschool care, and a very involved MIL who is wonderful for the kids. I'm good there. I feel like I am shortchanging them, though. I'm always at work, or doing something work related (volunteering).
I'm thinking of hiring someone, but I've got some other career changes coming up in the next couple years, so it would be a bad time to expand.
Work is the golden handcuffs. Don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to have such a lucrative business with minimal advertising (board at the hockey arena, ad in the church paper, ad on the golf course score card). The business could easily go away, so I work hard to keep it moving.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 2, 2017 16:05:21 GMT -5
Are your parents willing to accept help from someone else other than you?
Can your siblings start taking vacation time from their jobs to be with your parents to give you a break? Even if you pay for transportation?
Can your sibs contribute financially?
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dee27
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 28, 2016 21:08:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,211
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 16:17:25 GMT -5
Post by dee27 on May 2, 2017 16:17:25 GMT -5
Sorry, Swamp. I hope you find a workable solution for everyone. When my parents became ill, it was a delicate balancing act.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
Posts: 10,292
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 16:20:48 GMT -5
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on May 2, 2017 16:20:48 GMT -5
I join you in ugh-dom!
Buy in some help, wherever you think it will work best.
Elder care? Paralegal? Masseuse?
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milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
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Post by milee on May 2, 2017 16:21:31 GMT -5
Maybe it wouldn't be a bad time to hire someone. Especially if that person is hired with the understanding that s/he is partly being hired to pick up the slack for those times you need to be away with your family.
If your parents would consider relocating, as you probably saw when you were down here - the area your sis lives in has an abundance of healthcare and housing for seniors. Unless you have some ins where you are, it might be easier for your sis to get them the care and placement they need down here. I know she's busy with her career as well, but there are definitely a lot of resources that can be had and hired here.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,622
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 16:51:02 GMT -5
Post by swamp on May 2, 2017 16:51:02 GMT -5
She is trying to get them to move. They don't want to. He has a large social network here that he doesn't have in FL.
ETA: The past week was rough. I just got back from vacation and was catching up when dad went in the hospital with a GI bleed. My mom can't stay alone. My dad usually cares for her And doesn't talk about how bad she is. Despite his health issues he's a tough old bird. Also kind of a control freak and won't let us help.
He was in Tuesday to Friday. My aunt stayed with my mom 2 nights, my brother was here Thursday night, and I stayed at their house Friday night. My brother told he Friday morning my mom was asking for her mother. She died in 2000. My aunt was able to calm her down.
Its the first time I've had to deal with taking care of mom while dad was hospitalized. It's been in FL before when my sister dealt with it.
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alabamagal
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 11:30:29 GMT -5
Posts: 8,148
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 17:04:58 GMT -5
MJ2.0 likes this
Post by alabamagal on May 2, 2017 17:04:58 GMT -5
Hire help!
Everyone always focuses on parents taking time off when babies are born. But I was way more stressed when my kids were in school and prior to them being able to drive.
Added stress from parents is tough.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,161
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 17:08:17 GMT -5
Post by giramomma on May 2, 2017 17:08:17 GMT -5
I was thinking more about the work/kid balance.
I know you said you feel guilty about not spending more time with your kids..
If that's what your job requires, then that's what it requires..You shouldn't feel guilty about it.
At our kids' school, more parents than not have high level jobs. Some travel 2-3 weeks out of every month and don't feel badly. It's part of that level of a job. Others are senior partners of law firms and what not. It's just expected, that work is important.
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chiver78
Administrator
Current Events Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:04:45 GMT -5
Posts: 39,512
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Post by chiver78 on May 2, 2017 17:11:45 GMT -5
Come on down!!! It's a short trip to the beach and already beach weather. If you don't want to sleep on my couch my sister has a guest room and lots of booze and loves everybody. the spare room is booked for Memorial Day weekend, but I think is open again until late June
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busymom
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Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
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Post by busymom on May 2, 2017 18:04:37 GMT -5
Here's a bit of liquid courage. Been there, done that. All you can do is your best. Needle your siblings that they need to help, & do the best you can. Sadly, it was not my Mom's choice to go into assisted-living (nor mine), and later into the nursing home, but I could only help her so much, & had to leave the rest to the professionals. And, forgive yourself for NOT being Super Woman. As much as we try, none of us are. (Although, women ARE awesome multi-taskers.)
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NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,893
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Ugh.
May 2, 2017 18:35:12 GMT -5
Post by NastyWoman on May 2, 2017 18:35:12 GMT -5
Come on down!!! It's a short trip to the beach and already beach weather. If you don't want to sleep on my couch my sister has a guest room and lots of booze and loves everybody. the spare room is booked for Memorial Day weekend, but I think is open again until late June So that is two offers for the east coast, one for the west. But you know what they say West is Best
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MJ2.0
Senior Associate
Joined: Jul 24, 2014 10:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 11,049
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Post by MJ2.0 on May 3, 2017 9:00:10 GMT -5
Come on down!!! It's a short trip to the beach and already beach weather. If you don't want to sleep on my couch my sister has a guest room and lots of booze and loves everybody. the spare room is booked for Memorial Day weekend, but I think is open again until late June sounds like early June might be a good time make another NE meetup attempt - that is, if I can crash at your place... But more to the topic - swamp, can you hire some kind of back-up emergency elder care for your parents? The support system that stepped in while your dad was hospitalized is probably not super-young either, so I think having a guaranteed care option is critical. Also, I think hiring another paralegal/legal secretary is a good idea. I know much of your work is done round the clock, but are you open to adjusting your set office hours?
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Regis
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 12:26:50 GMT -5
Posts: 1,415
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Ugh.
May 3, 2017 9:01:36 GMT -5
Post by Regis on May 3, 2017 9:01:36 GMT -5
I have afterschool care, and a very involved MIL who is wonderful for the kids. I'm good there. I feel like I am shortchanging them, though. I'm always at work, or doing something work related (volunteering).
I'm thinking of hiring someone, but I've got some other career changes coming up in the next couple years, so it would be a bad time to expand.
Work is the golden handcuffs. Don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to have such a lucrative business with minimal advertising (board at the hockey arena, ad in the church paper, ad on the golf course score card). The business could easily go away, so I work hard to keep it moving. Just remember that there are very few people who reflect on their life near the end and wish they had worked more. I also had a very lucrative business with basically only word-of-mouth advertising. It was extremely hard work and lots of hours for ten years. I applaud you for what you're doing. Lots of people think you've got all kinds of free time as a business owner and just sit back and collect money. It's not easy. Keep up the good work!
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milee
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Post by milee on May 3, 2017 9:06:16 GMT -5
I have afterschool care, and a very involved MIL who is wonderful for the kids. I'm good there. I feel like I am shortchanging them, though. I'm always at work, or doing something work related (volunteering).
I'm thinking of hiring someone, but I've got some other career changes coming up in the next couple years, so it would be a bad time to expand.
Work is the golden handcuffs. Don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to have such a lucrative business with minimal advertising (board at the hockey arena, ad in the church paper, ad on the golf course score card). The business could easily go away, so I work hard to keep it moving. Just remember that there are very few people who reflect on their life near the end and wish they had worked more. Eh, sort of. I know plenty of people who spent their last few decades in poverty and wish they had made different choices when they were younger and still had the chance. Will that be the case here? Highly unlikely. Swamp's finances and retirement are in great shape and she had a husband and family that can provide support. Just making the point that with a business like Swamp's - where she will sometimes have non-negotiable work requirements that are not flexible and she needs to perform well and maintain a community reputation to continue to be in business... how to handle workplace absence is not always easy or clear cut. Of course she wants to be there for her family whenever the family needs it, but it's reasonable to look at how she can balance that with not killing her career/business.
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