CCL
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Post by CCL on May 7, 2017 20:49:42 GMT -5
We got the house! Now just need to keep going thru all the hoops to get there. Trying to figure out what to pack first over the next few weeks. 75% is already packed and in storage. I'm worried I'll pack too early if there is such a thing and then have to deal with not having stuff we use everyday. I already cut way back on groceries to the point where it is tough to find something to eat here lol. Our buyer responded to our inspection response. Because we are not fixing the driveway he wants $500 closing credit and still fha. At this point I'll probably just cave. $500 was what dh and I tossed around offering but decided to try without it first. Close on new house 6.6 and going to ask to bump ours up from 6.15 to 6.8. Dh and I had a huge fight last night. He's been harboring a lot of resentment. Some of it justified. Just not at all what I needed to deal with right now. But of course its better that he bring it out in the open rather than continue to hide iy like he has been. My dad's illness and surgery has been tremendously hard for me to process because it's eerily similar to my husband's struggle with ulcerative colitis and multiple surgeries. It's bringing up a lot of unprocessed emotions for me along with the complicated relationship that I already have with my dad. It's overwhelming. Congratulations! What's wrong with the driveway? Every time we had to fix one it was $3k-$4k. $500 sounds like a bargain.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on May 8, 2017 11:20:45 GMT -5
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 10, 2017 12:00:47 GMT -5
Just sent off a big packet of info to the loan officer, also completed paperwork for title company and inspector. Caught up with that for now.
Inspection scheduled for Sat.
Trying to run the budget numbers to make sure I have enough cash on hand to close on new house 2 days before the old house. It's doable but closer than I'd like.
My dad is healing nicely - moved to regular diet and walking the halls with assistance yesterday. We haven't asked how much longer he may be admitted. Weds was the end of week 1 - they initially said 2-4 weeks.
Trying to figure out how much more to pack ahead of time. I think I'll run the risk of packing too quickly and leaving my family hating me for it. I already way undercut the groceries in the house so last night's dinner was grilled cheese and frozen veggies. Will have to make good weekly menu plans and just buy minimally.
So very hard to concentrate at work. Will have the entire week of June 5th off work to pack, move, and unpack. Trying to motivate myself to work hard until then so I can totally unplug.
Started reading the HOA website - we are within walking distance of the subdivision pool and DD1 is a good swimmer. DD2 is quickly catching up. They have a small swim team that sounds like fun, going to send an email to make sure we can still join post-move.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 10, 2017 12:50:21 GMT -5
Your heart and mind sound so much better than it did last week. Best of luck to you and your family and enjoy the move.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 12, 2017 6:03:58 GMT -5
So my dad was supposed to be released from the hospital yesterday. I went in at 6 to hear the doctors notes during rounds. My dad was throwing up bile and old blood. At 8 am he coded and was out for 18 mins but they got him back. He coded again in the afternoon and we told the doctors to let him go because I know it was what he would have wanted. It was a dramatic day.
So the only thing worse than moving and taking care of a loved one in the hospital is moving and planning a funeral and all of the other end of life crap.
8 or 9 months ago I asked him if his affairs were in order and he said he had gone over all of it with my brother and named him as executor and that he needed me to focus on helping with the medical stuff. So things start rolling right away with which funeral home, life ins, etc and I turn to my brother and ask. He's clueless; my dad didn't tell him anything. Lovely. Tracking all of that down will fall to me as his oldest.
Trying to take comfort in that while yesterday was awful I can see God's mercy in it because my dad thought he had the flu and was unconscious and then sweated so he wasn't aware. And I had been dreading when the cancer would return. He would have been the worst hospice patient. So this way was merciful.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 12, 2017 6:06:49 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 12, 2017 7:37:01 GMT -5
I'm so sorry 💐
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busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
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Post by busymom on May 12, 2017 7:52:18 GMT -5
I'm so sorry azucena. I lost my Mom about 2 years ago, & had to deal with the funeral, and am still trying to wrap up the estate. When you've recovered from the shock, & the funeral, feel free to message me if you & your brother have questions. Hang in there!
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Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
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Post by Jaguar on May 12, 2017 7:54:10 GMT -5
My sincerest condolences to you & yours azucena.
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Cookies Galore
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I don't need no instructions to know how to rock
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Post by Cookies Galore on May 12, 2017 8:29:36 GMT -5
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lund
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Post by lund on May 12, 2017 9:00:38 GMT -5
My condolences, Azucena.
I hope that your digging out all necessary information will not be too difficult.
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mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 12, 2017 9:10:52 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss, Azucena. May your father rest in peace. My condolences to all his family and friends.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 12, 2017 9:13:54 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss Azucena
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on May 12, 2017 9:14:40 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your father.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on May 12, 2017 10:12:14 GMT -5
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dee27
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Post by dee27 on May 12, 2017 13:09:01 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on May 12, 2017 13:12:03 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace and wisdom as you move forward with everything you need to do
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on May 12, 2017 16:40:30 GMT -5
I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers and peace to you and yours.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 12, 2017 17:27:49 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on May 12, 2017 20:30:34 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on May 12, 2017 20:54:11 GMT -5
Oh honey, I'm so, so sorry. Please take care of yourself the best you can during such a hard time.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 14, 2017 6:44:54 GMT -5
I've been offline getting a lot accomplished. I'm beyond proud of myself and my 4 siblings. We are coming together and the last 2 days have been almost perfect in spite of the circumstances. In my dad's apartment we found his files and on top was one labeled valuable papers. Inside on top was the will (I'll admit that there was some high diving at that point because none of us expected it to be that easy), birth certificate, marine discharge, vehicle titles, etc. And turns out he paid most of his bills 2 months ahead because he anticipated a long hospital stay. No life insurance haa been located. Thrivent is where i knew he had a policy but he cancelled it as part of retirement. Now, a key "missing" link is there is no list of accounts. I did find last year's taxes with the interest bearing ones reported and several bank statements. I also have his phone which fortunately wasn't locked so I can see what email statements he's been receiving and most of the smaller ones have his password autosaved. Usaa doesn't and that appears to be where his main savings acct was. I told the rep that we hadn't found life ins so could she tell me if there was enough in the account for funeral expenses. She said she shouldn't but she's been in my shoes so she said I'll put it this way, don't go crazy and you'll be fine. Funeral plus flowers was $13k which my brother can easily cover (my money is all tied up in new house process). We found that dad had a plot, so just need the headstone later.
Visitation and funeral mon. Meet whth the lawyer tues. Fri and Sat we emptied his apartment. Not much for keepsakes but that is to be expected because he sold everything to travel. Household items that were still useable we mostly gave away at the complex because it's a fairly low income place. Took one half truck load to donations. My sister took some of his clothes and we just packed up keepsakes for now and will go through them together later. Found Vietnam stuff that will be interesting to look thru. He never talked about that. He had 8 siblings and they can't believe we are done already. I set the tone that we were just going to plow thru it while we were all here to have a say and no one disagreed. Same with the funeral arrangements, pretty quick decisions for middle of the road stuff because he wouldn't have wanted any different.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 14, 2017 6:59:10 GMT -5
I'm sorry under the circumstances but I'm glad it's been a relatively easy process for your and your siblings. That is not always the case in other families.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 14, 2017 7:04:59 GMT -5
The will says split equally 5 ways with my brother as executor. He will do fine just young (30) and overwhelmed and emotional because he was close with my dad. So I assured him that I would go to lawyer appt and get him started and then step back for a few weeks with my own house stuff and then help again afterwards.
Besides the accounts, he had a nice truck and his travel trailer which cost $45k new (found the receipt); I thought it might have been more. We have agreed that we would like to give the truck to youngest brother who is least established and currently has a car that is crapping out. We agreed that he could use it as trade because he's not a truck guy. At least a couple of is were thinking the same way and the others were instantly ok with it. Just need to figure out the correct process with the lawyer.
Dad had always said the trailer coulee be resold at the company he bought it from. He was actually kinda embarrassed about it because he considered it an extravagant expense. His siblings were trying to convince him to sell it right after the cancer diagnosis so he could "get most of his money back." They had good intentions but I told him he should just keep it because he needed the motivation to get well and hit the road again. He didn't disagree with that. He lived in it old man bachelor style for 18 months so I'm honestly not sure what resale value it has but whatever, I'm glad he had his adventure.
Found his social security work history and it was enlightening. For my childhood he was a dairy farmer with 5 kids and a stay at home wife, and he made between $10k and $22k/yr over a period of about 20 yrs. I knew we were pretty poor but those numbers are astonishing. My mom started working a minimum wage job about 20 yrs ago when youngest was in school.
My parents got divorced about 10 yrs ago when I was 29 and my youngest brother turned 18. They sold the family 160 acre farm for $600k and split it evenly. I found recordw where they bought the farm from my grandparents in 1979 for $35k. The sale was contentious because my dad said my mom never worked and didn't deserve half which was crazy because besides raising us she also helped in the fields and with thr cows. He also realized that she was siphoning off some of her paycheck as an escape fund. Not right but I place no blame because she had no other way to get out. Their marriage was never good for as long as I can remember. He was a difficult man to love. At 7 yrs old my DD1 asked more questions about their divorce and on her own expertly concluded that grandma and grandpa were very different people. She said something like grandma is squishy and loveable and plays softball and grandpa is well grandpa. Quite insightful and I didn't disagree.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 15, 2024 3:20:19 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2017 7:05:53 GMT -5
My prayers are with your family, azucena.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on May 14, 2017 7:06:01 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss Azucena, but glad that you and your siblings have been able to come together over this.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 14, 2017 7:10:55 GMT -5
I'm sorry under the circumstances but I'm glad it's been a relatively easy process for your and your siblings. That is not always the case in other families. Oh, I know. I am counting my blessings in this whole process. My husband has been watching our kids and our nieces. At my mom's genius suggestion, I appointed my brother in law who might have gotten caught up in getting my sisters "fair share" of the money, I put him in charge of tracking down what needs to be done for marine honors at the funeral and anything with the veterans because he is enlisted in the airforce. He missed the whole truck conversation but brought up blue book value when we were all eating dinner. My sister inadvertently shut him down fast by telling him our group decision. And then she told him that this weekend isn't about any money that may be left and not in a mean way either. It was almost awesome to watch.
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ners
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Post by ners on May 14, 2017 7:11:24 GMT -5
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azucena
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Post by azucena on May 14, 2017 7:16:54 GMT -5
Yesterday morning we went to the inspection at the new house. The electrical panel needs to be replaced but our realtor had already warned us of that. We will probably ask for a $2k credit to cover that but realtor said in this sellers market it's unlikely they acquiesce. Only other minor stuff came up. Being there for 3 hours was fun and I can totally picture it as home.
After I finally got home from the hospital thurs night after dad dies, I still had to review and sign loan disclosures by end of day. At 930 I called the loan officer because the paperwork had lots of errors. Didn't give me a lot of confidence in them because it was easy stuff like hoa fee on old house and not new, pmi when we are putting 20% down, and way higher home ins than the quote we provided. That's all been corrected now but makes me nervous about future documents from them and I told her that.
What a crazy life I'm leading these days.
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azucena
Junior Associate
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Post by azucena on May 14, 2017 7:19:14 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss of your Dad Azucena. It is a small thing, but, if your dad was a veteran, I believe he is entitled to a headstone through the VA. Interesting, that hasn't been mentioned yet. I'll track that down. In the valuable papers, there was a sheet called what to do if your veteran dies. I love how much I learn from this board and am hoping someone can learn from my experience. Plus, you all are free therapy for me.
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