Should be illegal to keep maiden name

[justme]

"70 percent of Americans believe women should take their husbands' last names, and why a whopping 50 percent believe the law should require that"

What in the ever loving fuck?!?!!!

www.workingmother.com/half-american-adults-think-it-should-be-illegal-for-married-women-to-keep-their-last-names



I haven't had time yet to click through to the study and I'm really hoping there's some glaring flaw with it.

"in an earlier study, people who believed women should change their names when they get married should do so because it 'prioritizes their marriage and their family ahead of themselves.'"

Are you kidding me?!

[Phoenix84]

For me, I'd prefer it if the entire family had the same last name. But it's not a hill I'm willing to die on, and declaring it illegal is going a bit far.

I can understand why women want to keep their last names, especially if she's an established professional.

[taz157]

That flipping crazy! 

I did change my name when I married DH, but because I wanted to.  There are many other people who don't want to change it.  Just ask swamp.

When I was changing my license over last month, the DMV worker commented that she worked with a couple in which the husband changed his last name to his wife's last night.  I guess he really didn't like his last name or he lost a bet. 

When one of my friend's married 12 years ago, she couldn't wait to change her last name to something more "normal".  She did like it a bit more once she started teaching, but not enough to keep it when she married.

[mroped]

Honestly, I'd be just fine and dandy taking my wife's lăsat name! That way some of my customers wouldn't mumble and stumble when they look at my name!
What relevance has the last name anymore anyways? Some old kook feels his pride tickled or what?
So many forms to file for the name change, why bother? Make it easy, get rid of paper work!  ( there is a good place to implement Paper Reduction Act)

[bean29]

I have been married for 25 years, my name and my DH's are not the same. I am sorry I didn't use the form they would have used in Mexico - Putting DH's last name first, but other wise, few people seem to have an issue with it. I would use the form they do in Mexico, b/c if I carry the health insurance (and I have for most of our marriage) when the providers search for coverage they invariably look under DH's last name - It would just help simplify our lives.

DD had to change her last name a few years ago b/c of issues with Real ID, DH changed his first name (from ethnic name to more American name) at the same time, I considered changing my last name...but after I considered all the things I would have to fix, that have my name on it, I figured why bother.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Feb 10, 2017 10:28:30 GMT -5 justme said:

"70 percent of Americans believe women should take their husbands' last names, and why a whopping 50 percent believe the law should require that"

What in the ever loving fuck?!?!!!

www.workingmother.com/half-american-adults-think-it-should-be-illegal-for-married-women-to-keep-their-last-names



I haven't had time yet to click through to the study and I'm really hoping there's some glaring flaw with it.

"in an earlier study, people who believed women should change their names when they get married should do so because it 'prioritizes their marriage and their family ahead of themselves.'"

Are you kidding me?!

So that is where my husband gets that idea from.

I told him it has NOTHING to do with prioritizing marriage and has everything to do with how women used to be viewed as property/chattel.    By having to take his last name that meant that I BELONGED to him.  Women were viewed as an extension of their husbands and forcing me to get rid of my last name was one way to do that.

In feudal China not only did you have to give up your family name but you were never allowed to see your family again.   You belonged to your husband and your husband's family once you got married.

BS.  I was my own person before I got married and I will be my own person when DH is gone.   I have every right to my own last name.

I told my husband if you are so insecure that you cannot trust that I love you and that I will always put you/our family first simply because I don't share your last name then maybe you aren't mature enough to get married.

[taz157]

Feb 10, 2017 10:34:51 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

For me, I'd prefer it if the entire family had the same last name. But it's not a hill I'm willing to die on, and declaring it illegal is going a bit far.

I can understand why women want to keep their last names, especially if she's an established professional.

I know a couple of people who go by their maiden name professionally and personally, it's their married name. Mostly due they were already established professional.

Even though I have a professional license in 2 states, I passed the exam before I married, but didn't get licensed until after I was married. Therefore, it was easy to get my license in my married name. The other state's license was obtained after I had been married several years.

[HoneyBBQ]

No chance in hell I'd ever change my name.

My daughter has SO's last name. We liked it better, and there were other compelling reasons to give her his name. But we had a long discussion about it and neither of us were overly passionate about it.

[wvugurl26]

Feb 10, 2017 10:36:43 GMT -5 mroped said:

Honestly, I'd be just fine and dandy taking my wife's lăsat name! That way some of my customers wouldn't mumble and stumble when they look at my name!
What relevance has the last name anymore anyways? Some old kook feels his pride tickled or what?
So many forms to file for the name change, why bother? Make it easy, get rid of paper work!  ( there is a good place to implement Paper Reduction Act)

I have no desire to do all that paperwork. And I've been working and licensed professionally under my name for 8 years now. My parents are divorced and remarried so I didn't grow up with everyone having the same name anyway. Had I gotten married a lot earlier I might have thought more about it. Having gone through the hassle of trying to just get addresses and phone numbers changed everywhere, there is no way I'm trying to change my name.

It's a huge hassle of paperwork now and more to carry around forever. With the Real ID act, I'd need the stupid marriage license every time I renewed my driver's license. No thank you. And I can only imagine what fun subsequent background checks would be.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oh, hell no!

I never changed my name when I married, and had I married earlier, would not have done so either.  We had this discussion before marrying and TD was on board 1000%.  He could not imagine any man being as cave man like to think that this was something he could ask.  If a woman wanted it, ok....but to expect it?

I also have a 30+ year professional life associated with my name.  I've seen what a pain in the ass it is to have to change everything with my friends.  

[milee]

The law should be that the couple has to take whichever last name is easier to pronounce or spell.  

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

(GRG holds her wrists out.)

Lock me up!!

I didn't change my name because a) I was 35 when I got married and had a professional graduate degree in my maiden name, b) I was 35 when I got married and had 35 years of life already in my maiden name, c) DH has a bunch of silent letters in his last name that trip everybody up in the pronunciation and I saw no reason to get caught up in that mess, LOL, d) DH was divorced and his ex kept his last name until she remarried after us, and e) why?  Just, why?  


ETA:  I'm not one of those folks who get militant about using their maiden name.  DFIL, for example, sends cards and checks made out using DH's last name for me.  And people who know DH often use his last name when meeting/greeting me for the first time.  No biggie.  Heck, there are times DH has been given MY last name because of people I know, LOL!!!  As my dear departed father used to say:  "Call me anything you want but 'late for dinner'."  

[chen35]

I changed my name, and I kind of wish I hadn't. It's not a huge deal, and the majority of my career has been with my married name. But I really liked my last name.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

What cracked me up/blew me away about the debate was when DH tried to get his father on his side his dad agreed WITH ME.   DH thought for sure that since his dad was an old fashioned 1950s type of guy when DH was growing up that he would side with him.

Just goes to show you can't assume you know what people think/believe based on what you see on the outside.

[justme]

I'm not overly attached to my name so whether I change mine or not will come down to how I like his. Or the likelihood of it being butchered.

Though mine is butchered even though it is pronounced just how it's spelt so I've often said I'm OK with a ridiculous that will get butchered. At least then I won't think the people idiots.

[Gardening Grandma]

Oh good grief! Why is this even an issue? 

[raeoflyte]

lol.  No way in hell I was going to change my last name.  Ds has dh's last name and dd has mine.  Neither family or name is more important than the other, and both of our last names suck.  

My mom's first husband passed away so she's had 3 last names.  Just makes life complicated imo.    

[andi9899]

I'll never be married, but I would keep my name if I was. I've been using this name professionally for almost 18 years. Plus, I like my name. And traditional Mexican way is to keep your name.

[MJ2.0]

X pressed for me to change my name, and since I hated my first name and maiden last name together, I was totally fine with it. After we divorced, he wanted me to change my name back.... Uh, hell to the no! It was annoying enough to change it once - I'm not doing it again! Plus I like my son and I having the same last name.

[Bonny]

Feb 10, 2017 10:50:45 GMT -5 milee said:

The law should be that the couple has to take whichever last name is easier to pronounce or spell.  

And this is why I took my husband's name. My family name is a Celtic name that isn't entirely phonetic. Therefore people were always misspelling or mispronouncing it. It also got changed via Ellis Island. I would joke that Ellis changed my father's family from Scottish to Irish overnight.

When I got married I changed my middle name to my family name and dumped the middle name I never really liked. I had the power!

My biggest surprise has been how people STILL misspell or mispronounce my husband's common, phonetic last name. It just goes to show you how little attention people pay to these things!

[thyme4change]

I wish I had kept my maiden name. It is dead. It was very unique, but short, phonetic and easy to say and spell. I tried to talk my hubs into taking my name, so it would live on, and he said he wasn't a strong enough man to do that.

Nothing wrong with my husband's name - just a little more common. There was someone in my industry with my exact same name. It was a little confusing. But she has left the state now, so that disapated.

It is a little easier when both parents and the kids have the same name. I do the team paperwork, and I always end up with a few random email addresses and such that I am not sure which kid they belong to. It all works out, and it is not a big deal. The most confusing was when mom and step-dad had one last name, dad was nowhere and the kid had his own last name. I had to keep a post-it note on that one until it sunk in. But, team mom convenience certainly isn't a reason to make it illegal!!

[taz157]

Feb 10, 2017 10:42:20 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Feb 10, 2017 10:36:43 GMT -5 mroped said:

Honestly, I'd be just fine and dandy taking my wife's lăsat name! That way some of my customers wouldn't mumble and stumble when they look at my name!
What relevance has the last name anymore anyways? Some old kook feels his pride tickled or what?
So many forms to file for the name change, why bother? Make it easy, get rid of paper work!  ( there is a good place to implement Paper Reduction Act)

I have no desire to do all that paperwork. And I've been working and licensed professionally under my name for 8 years now. My parents are divorced and remarried so I didn't grow up with everyone having the same name anyway. Had I gotten married a lot earlier I might have thought more about it. Having gone through the hassle of trying to just get addresses and phone numbers changed everywhere, there is no way I'm trying to change my name.

It's a huge hassle of paperwork now and more to carry around forever. With the Real ID act, I'd need the stupid marriage license every time I renewed my driver's license. No thank you. And I can only imagine what fun subsequent background checks would be.

I just got my license in my "new" state and they never asked for my marriage license. I did have my passport that reflects my married name in addition to my "old" state license.

[MJ2.0]

Feb 10, 2017 11:17:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I wish I had kept my maiden name. It is dead. It was very unique, but short, phonetic and easy to say and spell. I tried to talk my hubs into taking my name, so it would live on, and he said he wasn't a strong enough man to do that.

Nothing wrong with my husband's name - just a little more common. There was someone in my industry with my exact same name. It was a little confusing. But she has left the state now, so that disapated.

It is a little easier when both parents and the kids have the same name. I do the team paperwork, and I always end up with a few random email addresses and such that I am not sure which kid they belong to. It all works out, and it is not a big deal. The most confusing was when mom and step-dad had one last name, dad was nowhere and the kid had his own last name. I had to keep a post-it note on that one until it sunk in. But, team mom convenience certainly isn't a reason to make it illegal!!

I actually really like your maiden and your married last names. You could have hyphenated and it would have been fine.

[Tennesseer]

When you bring your pet to the vets for a checkup (or whatever), they give your pet your last name in its medical records.  So why shouldn't a wife take her husband's last name too?



What if the wife's maiden name is Smith and her new husband's last name is Smith too.  Should she take her husband's last name?  

Better yet, why doesn't everyone simply mind their own bloody business.  

[MJ2.0]

Feb 10, 2017 11:28:36 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

When you bring your pet to the vets for a checkup (or whatever), they give your pet your last name in its medical records.  So why shouldn't a wife take her husband's last name too?



What if the wife's maiden name is Smith and her new husband's last name is Smith too.  Should she take her husband's last name?  

Better yet, why doesn't everyone simply mind their own bloody business.  

this one.

[Tennesseer]

Feb 10, 2017 11:30:12 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Feb 10, 2017 11:28:36 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

When you bring your pet to the vets for a checkup (or whatever), they give your pet your last name in its medical records.  So why shouldn't a wife take her husband's last name too?



What if the wife's maiden name is Smith and her new husband's last name is Smith too.  Should she take her husband's last name?  

Better yet, why doesn't everyone simply mind their own bloody business.  

this one.

[bean29]

I am wondering about the survey, who was surveyed and how many people?

Look at how many people here kept their last name, and most of us say people accept it. So were are all these people that have a problem with it?

[swamp]

Feb 10, 2017 10:36:28 GMT -5 taz157 said:

That flipping crazy! 

I did change my name when I married DH, but because I wanted to.  There are many other people who don't want to change it.  Just ask swamp .

When I was changing my license over last month, the DMV worker commented that she worked with a couple in which the husband changed his last name to his wife's last night.  I guess he really didn't like his last name or he lost a bet. 

When one of my friend's married 12 years ago, she couldn't wait to change her last name to something more "normal".  She did like it a bit more once she started teaching, but not enough to keep it when she married.

Yes, and I did not take my husband's name because I am rejecting him. Or so I've been told.

I did keep my name because I was 33 when I got married, had a professional license, was a name partner in a firm, and had been practicing law for 8 years.  Changing my name sounded like a total PITA, and frankly, I'm not that ambitious.

People suck.

[MJ2.0]

I think we just have all these customs that are so deeply ingrained and the way that we expect things to look and be...and we don't question them at all - we just take them for granted as "normal". So when people don't do what's "normal", others are immediately wondering why. I still have people giving me long looks when I'm with DS and, you know, acting like I'm his mother.

I admit I do a little mental "huh. okay." when I encounter couples with mismatched last names because I'm so used to one "family" name. It's almost like a light record skip. And then it's over and I go back to not caring.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 10, 2017 11:28:36 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

When you bring your pet to the vets for a checkup (or whatever), they give your pet your last name in its medical records.  So why shouldn't a wife take her husband's last name too?

LOL!  I do 90% of the vet calls and visits, and they are *finally* getting that when I call, they need to look at Sheldon (my cat) who is filed under TD's last name.

I told TD he should be taking my last name......