Ok teachers, I have a question

[Chocolate Lover]

I'm trying hard to not be snarky (here or with the actual teacher) but what exactly would your expectations be of the parents if one of your students wasn't doing his classwork (you don't give homework)? I will certainly talk to him and punish him for not working (if she's willing to stay in contact daily and let me know what's going on). But seriously, how am I supposed to control his classroom behavior from afar if that doesn't work? 

What do you guys do with a kid who won't participate? (He's 12, just FYI)




Her emails have been rude and snotty thus far, so she's alienating the help she's seeking.

[Chocolate Lover]

Nope. The first one was literally 2 sentences and she misspelled his name. Basically: K has a 41 average to date. He is not doing his work. 

I don't check my email every day so she sent a 2nd one a few days later that was just the sentence about the average. Spelled his name wrong again.

I sent one back just as short and sweet: Homework? Classwork? What work isn't getting done?

[Deleted]

Oh man. Keep copies of all correspondence. Request a one on one meeting now, or actually maybe cc admin and ask them to also be present. Is she a new teacher? 

[MJ2.0]

Jan 30, 2017 10:29:49 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Nope. The first one was literally 2 sentences and she misspelled his name. Basically: K has a 41 average to date. He is not doing his work. 

I don't check my email every day so she sent a 2nd one a few days later that was just the sentence about the average. Spelled his name wrong again.

I sent one back just as short and sweet: Homework? Classwork? What work isn't getting done?

WTF? She's the teacher - a trained professional who regularly deals with children - and she couldn't be bothered to offered up any more information than that?

It would have taken all my power to not respond with "okay, and?"

[Chocolate Lover]

I don't think she is a new teacher, DD remembers her but didn't have her. (She's a couple of years older) and I can't recall if my oldest remembers her but her name isn't unfamiliar to me outside this context. 

I am keeping all the emails and haven't decided on calling administration yet. The principal is my ex BIL but is a good guy and has dealt fairly with K so far on other things. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 30, 2017 10:35:19 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Jan 30, 2017 10:29:49 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Nope. The first one was literally 2 sentences and she misspelled his name. Basically: K has a 41 average to date. He is not doing his work. 

I don't check my email every day so she sent a 2nd one a few days later that was just the sentence about the average. Spelled his name wrong again.

I sent one back just as short and sweet: Homework? Classwork? What work isn't getting done?

WTF? She's the teacher - a trained professional who regularly deals with children - and she couldn't be bothered to offered up any more information than that?

It would have taken all my power to not respond with "okay, and?"

You have no idea how close I came to asking if she wanted me to come up there and do her job or some variation of that. I have not yet said to send him to the office for non work. She hasn't mentioned if he's disruptive while not working or what, just that he's failing as if that's the biggest deal because it reflects badly on her. (that's the impression she's leaving so far)

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 30, 2017 10:39:20 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

I would have been a smart ass and replied back that she must have sent this to the wrong parent as I'm the parent of "correctlyspelledkidsname" 


(It's probably a good thing I'm not a parent 

It's a simple name, the most common misspelling is usually the first letter (C or K) she subbed a U for an E instead. I've never seen it spelled that way by anyone, yet she did it twice. She's been teaching him all year and still can't spell his name. Makes me wonder a lot of things that I didn't say.

[Deleted]

It's actually worth asking if she did it twice. It might actually be a different kid. 

Is she a really old teacher?  

[Chocolate Lover]

I'd have to see her to answer the age question. To DS everyone is old.

I think it's more a function of laziness honestly. I'm sure I'll find out soon though. 

[giramomma]

Does your school system have an online program for keeping track of grades? Even our private school does.

Teachers also email us with late assignments. In middle school, one day late is 10% off, two days it's 50% off.

We don't really track the online system all that much. We do after report cards come out, and then we stop..and then report cards come out, and usually there's an unpleasant surprise...around and around we go.

I've been pretty upfront, that most of the time, we just let DS fail. But, he's the type of kid that when you take away everything in his room, except for a bed, some clothes, and a few books he's read a million times, he still finds a way to entertain himself..and it's not really a punishment.

(And, this is after us asking if there's anything at school we need to know about. And usually, we'll check in with the teachers, too...to make sure he's not being bullied or something...)

Taking away screens isn't really all that much of a punishment. I mean, it would be until if I did it until he was 18, but, I choose not to go there when he's 12.

I did encourage the teachers to be hard on him during parent teacher conference. I'm tired of being a broken record for 6 years, now. So is DH.

One option we might consider is hiring a tutor for him. Not that he really needs it. But, it just would be someone else telling him the same damn thing rather than us. The problem is we don't have money for vacations and a tutor.

I think DS will grow out of some of his issues. He won't be a tween boy forever.

[Chocolate Lover]

Gira, yes, our school system has an online system to check grades. They also had a short deadline to sign up for it at the beginning of the year and I missed it, I wasn't expecting a deadline honestly so didn't look for it. Don't really care enough to make the effort to contact school and go through BS to set up. (Then or now)

I made it clear at his IEP appointment at the end of last year (the transition from old school to new one meeting) that I will not battle over homework every night and make our home life hell. I don't expect to have to battle over classwork, this is a new one on me. 

DS is like yours, I can take screen time away and it hurts his feelings long enough for his to have his tantrum over it and then he doesn't care. Finds new things to do. He does love his screens but not enough to behave consistently for them.

I don't have tutor money and his understanding isn't the issue, his willingness to cooperate is. If that makes sense.

[saveinla]

CL, Is he bored in class - would moving him a grade higher help? My son was bored when he was in 4th grade and so he was moved into a 4th-5th combined class where he was more interested in reading the interesting books in the 5th grade section and participating in their discussion than disrupting the class or being bored.  

He could not be moved to a higher grade as he was already the youngest in his class and was not emotionally mature.

[Tiny]

I'm not a teacher - but I know a bunch of them IRL (they all teach in different schools/districts/education levels) and they have many "traits" in common...     

Since this is GS: ALL of the GS teachers I know  seem to like to play what I call 20 questions - even when dealing with their family/friends. OK, what they are really doing is asking leading questions (because they KNOW you KNOW what they are talking about - even when you don't and they CAN"T give you the answer - it's your job to make the connection(s) and give the right answer)... it's what they do at work, so it carries over into their personal lives. <-- at least that is my explanation for it.

If it was me getting what appears to be a vague announcement/request - I'd just assume I was playing 20 questions and would ask questions back.  The whole thing will probably take 5 or 6 back and forths to figure out what the teacher wants/expects.  You probably want to reiterate what you've ultimately learned after your last interaction - just to confirm you and the teacher are on the same wavelength.  My guess is you won't get the Teacher to divulge the 'right answer' even though she KNOWS what she wants you to do (the right answer).  Just have patience and play the game of 20 questions.   

I think this odd behavior is a side effect of being a Teacher.  ALL professions have this problem.  I know I see the world thru the lens of my "job" as well  (it's all data and databases....).   I'm not slamming Teachers.   It's an occupational hazard for everyone.    Just a thought...

 

 

[billisonboard]

Jan 30, 2017 10:29:49 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Nope. The first one was literally 2 sentences and she misspelled his name. Basically: K has a 41 average to date. He is not doing his work. 

I don't check my email every day so she sent a 2nd one a few days later that was just the sentence about the average. Spelled his name wrong again.

I sent one back just as short and sweet: Homework? Classwork? What work isn't getting done?

Is she meeting an administrative requirement to inform all parents of students who have a failing grade? Is this a middle school setting? If so, how many students does she have in a day?

[Chocolate Lover]

Bored in class: he's bored in any class he doesn't find interesting. He's horribly emotional immature so moving him up will create even more issues. 

cutting teacher slack: This is not the M.O. of any staff in this school system thus far. They at least give decent details and actually sign their names to the emails. I knew it was from her because of the standard signature line at the bottom that this email is from xxx@schoolsystem. I'm not inclined to play nice with someone who doesn't want to. ETA: I will, but I'm not inclined to.

Middle school: Yes. IDK how many kids she sees in a day. Don't really care honestly. I'm very willing to work with her but I seriously don't understand what she wants ME to do about her inability to control him in HER environment. I thought she had training/options for that. Send him to the office if he's not participating. Something. Like I said, I'll talk to/punish him but ultimately, it's on her to get him working while he's there. Like it's ultimately on him to do the work. 

[billisonboard]

Jan 30, 2017 11:23:42 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Gira, yes, our school system has an online system to check grades. They also had a short deadline to sign up for it at the beginning of the year and I missed it, I wasn't expecting a deadline honestly so didn't look for it. Don't really care enough to make the effort to contact school and go through BS to set up. (Then or now)

I made it clear at his IEP appointment at the end of last year (the transition from old school to new one meeting) that I will not battle over homework every night and make our home life hell. I don't expect to have to battle over classwork, this is a new one on me. 

...

As a former teacher, I know I hated it when a parent would come in after grades came out and complain about not being informed their kid was failing. Somehow mailed progress reports were frequently lost by the post office. Wish I had had an online system they could have used and if they didn't use it, email addresses where I could send notices.

[billisonboard]

I read where she is informing you have his failing grade and why he is receiving that grade. Where does she ask you to do anything?

[NoNamePerson]

I would have to write back to ask her to verify that she was talking about my kiddo and put in correct spelling. I would do it syrupy sweet though not snarky. Maybe sign off with the BYH shit

[Chocolate Lover]

So far she hasn't asked me to do anything. She wasn't exactly clear on any expectations since I got 2 short sentences. A simple "I just wanted/am required to let you know" at the beginning of the 2 short sentences would have covered the idea that she doesn't want anything from me. So pardon me for wondering what she wants outside of that. 

I get progress reports midway through the 9 week grading period. He had a D in something on the last one, I'd have to find it and see if it was with this teacher. 

And just to be clear, I've never given a teacher crap for not letting me know about a kid's grade. I've given them crap for the bad ones though. 

[alabamagal]

Middle school is the worst (for those who have not figured it out already).

My response would be to ask what the teacher expects you to do.  I had a battle or 2 with my sons middle school teachers over not turning in homework or other things he was supposed to turn in.  Had to take it to the principal because their actions were not helping my son, they were just turning him into a basket case.

Is he doing well on tests?  If so then he knows his stuff.  That would have a big impact on what I would do next.

[Chocolate Lover]

Middle school sucks. This is the only class he is failing and he's doing rather well in the rest from the progress report IIRC. (A's & B's)  It could very well be a personality clash, it could be his craptastic attitude, he could actually not get it. (I have doubts on the last one though)  

I did ask the teacher if there was something I could do (aside from the standard letting him know this is unacceptable) and she said she'd look into getting me into the grade system. 

[Regis]

IMO, you need to stop emailing back and forth and ask for a meeting directly with the teacher.  Suggest some dates and make yourself as available as possible.

I believe society as a whole has in large part stopped trying to resolve conflicts in person by relying way too heavily on emails, texts and other forms of communication where the tone of the message may be misinterpreted.  (Think of the State Farm commercials where two people are using the exact same words and realize the context is completely different only when you see the situation with your own two eyes and hear the tone of voice being used.)

[Chocolate Lover]

Until she indicates it's a big issue for her, I'll stay at work and email, thank you. I have plenty of other things to leave for, with appointments for this kid already. I have to be picky. She hasn't said he's disruptive, just that he's not working.

I can do my part about yelling at him for that at home without an in person meeting.

[billisonboard]

Jan 30, 2017 12:59:13 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Until she indicates it's a big issue for her, I'll stay at work and email, thank you. I have plenty of other things to leave for, with appointments for this kid already. I have to be picky. She hasn't said he's disruptive, just that he's not working.

I can do my part about yelling at him for that at home without an in person meeting.

Teacher perspective FWIW:

I have 100 plus students I see in a day. I only have so much time. The kid isn't disruptive and the parent doesn't seem to be that concerned he isn't passing. Didn't sign up to view grades on line. Progress report didn't get any response. First email didn't get a response. Until the parent indicates it's a big issue ...

Seems like you and the teacher are operating on about the same level.

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 30, 2017 15:28:05 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Jan 30, 2017 12:59:13 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Until she indicates it's a big issue for her, I'll stay at work and email, thank you. I have plenty of other things to leave for, with appointments for this kid already. I have to be picky. She hasn't said he's disruptive, just that he's not working.

I can do my part about yelling at him for that at home without an in person meeting.

Teacher perspective FWIW:

I have 100 plus students I see in a day. I only have so much time. The kid isn't disruptive and the parent doesn't seem to be that concerned he isn't passing. Didn't sign up to view grades on line. Progress report didn't get any response. First email didn't get a response. Until the parent indicates it's a big issue ...

Seems like you and the teacher are operating on about the same level.

It's worth about what I paid for it.  

She showed absolutely minimum concern with the email. As a PP said, it seemed more like a requirement to be met than actual concern. Emails voicing concerns are usually longer. I've gotten a lot. I've also received phone calls from teachers with concerns. I've never had reason to view grades online up until this year, so didn't consider it a big deal not to try to get into it once the deadline had passed. <<shrug>> Progress report isn't required to send back with feedback and at that point it wasn't a failing grade but a pretty high D, so he was told to bring it up.

So, what did you do with a kid who wouldn't participate? (IIRC correctly, you taught)

It's quite possible she was trying to get a lot of emails out at once, hence the tone, but I am mostly curious about what happens in the classroom to get a kid to do his work. I can threaten, punish and bribe but I'm not there when it comes down to it.  




I will also freely admit, this is my 3rd kid through this school system and every time the absolute worst experience with staff/teachers is at this middle school. They treat you like you have the plague and are spectacularly unhelpful on the smallest of things so their attitude has probably colored mine over the years. Elementary & high school staff/teachers are very responsive and helpful, it's these 2 years worth that make a person want to move. 

[billisonboard]

Jan 30, 2017 15:41:50 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

...

So, what did you do with a kid who wouldn't participate? (IIRC correctly, you taught)

...

I would threaten, punish and bribe.

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 30, 2017 15:47:29 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Jan 30, 2017 15:41:50 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

...

So, what did you do with a kid who wouldn't participate? (IIRC correctly, you taught)

...

[/span][/quote]I would threaten, punish and bribe.

[/quote]


Great, then he'll probably continue to not work and become a disruption soon, since nothing motivates/scares him for long.   I already have a counseling appointment for him outside of his regular ADHD check ups, hopefully I can find something helpful there soon. 

I didn't bring up his issues, such as they are, sooner because I wondered what was done on the classroom side of things. Yes, the email phrasing was a distraction and annoyed me but at the end of the day, I want this kid to actually succeed in school and life so I have to find a way to work with his teachers and get whatever help I can from that side. 

[Kolt!]

Okay for one a teacher is not a babysitter. For some reason some parents think that their kids learning all should fall on the teacher but children that truly succeed...parents help too. A teacher can have anywhere from 20-100 kids they see in a day, they can't make sure every student does what they need to be doing and when a child isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing it's normal for them to contact the parent. That's actually a very normal procedure when something is going on with a student they contact the parents. Also teachers have to be very careful in what they recommend to parents :/

However I suggest taking and getting a meeting with the teacher about ways to get him more engaged if he's simply just bored, it's harder because it's a middle school but if interests can be thrown in, or he needs more challenging work you could discuss where to go from there.? If he simply won't do the work a teacher with so many students can't stop teaching others just to accommodate your son...if you can't get him to do things what makes you think a teacher can? Sad maybe but true. I can often find ways to get students working but I teach elementary and I'm with them all day long, I get to know my students easier because of this.. and have resources where they can leave to get more help and work with people one on one...middle school doesn't have this as much...they're not going to be as babied.. .they go to a lesson and learned f they need help they have to seek it because they can easily wash under the boat as a teacher helps the students seeking help

[Kolt!]

If nothing works maybe he needs behavior help...if you can't find ways to get him to do things what makes one think a teacher can

[swamp]

Jan 30, 2017 15:59:07 GMT -5 Kolt! said:

Okay for one a teacher is not a babysitter. For some reason some parents think that their kids learning all should fall on the teacher but children that truly succeed...parents help too. A teacher can have anywhere from 20-100 kids they see in a day, they can't make sure every student does what they need to be doing and when a child isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing it's normal for them to contact the parent. That's actually a very normal procedure when something is going on with a student they contact the parents. Also teachers have to be very careful in what they recommend to parents :/

However I suggest taking and getting a meeting with the teacher about ways to get him more engaged if he's simply just bored, it's harder because it's a middle school but if interests can be thrown in, or he needs more challenging work you could discuss where to go from there.? If he simply won't do the work a teacher with so many students can't stop teaching others just to accommodate your son...if you can't get him to do things what makes you think a teacher can? Sad maybe but true. I can often find ways to get students working but I teach elementary and I'm with them all day long, I get to know my students easier because of this.. and have resources where they can leave to get more help and work with people one on one...middle school doesn't have this as much...they're not going to be as babied.. .they go to a lesson and learned f they need help they have to seek it because they can easily wash under the boat as a teacher helps the students seeking help

I'm pretty sure she's not complaining about being told there is a problem, or blaming it all on the teacher.

The problem is a 2 sentence email that says "you kid is failing because he's not working."

OK, how about a little more information. Is he struggling and giving up?  Is he disruptive? Is he just not paying attention? What have you done to address it? What would you like my response to be?