swasat
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Post by swasat on Jan 18, 2017 16:53:20 GMT -5
"Insist" that their problems are "real" problems while everyone else's issues are......meh! I am undergoing this with a long time friend right now I have known her since high school, very close to her, but over the years she has...changed She has a long history of issues with finding the right guy. Suffice it to say that she has a long list of expectations, and no one guy possesses it all. Basically no one every matches up, like ever. So now, at age 40, she is lonely and constantly complaining about lack of companionship, her motherly instincts, an empty house, an emotional void...the list goes on.... And she has become extremely devout (she was earlier agnostic). Which I have absolutely no problems with, but now I have to hear the rants on how "I" am not supportive enough because I don't participate in her beliefs. WTF WTFreakingF?? I am NOT into religion, I just am not. I am utterly supportive of her following the church and following the rituals.....but now I am being told that I am not supportive enough because I don't ask her during Christmas and each Sunday how the mass went?!?!? Oh, and the only way to show support is to agree with everything. If you even disagree on one item...you are being "cold hearted" My problems in life are also not "problems" because nothing can match up to HER problems. No one can understand her loneliness, or the bad lot she has been given in life. Since I have a husband and kids......that means my problems are not problems enough. Universe give me strength because I am so done with whine. Long term friendship not withstanding, I can only deal so much with "me, me , me". Grow the F up. Either lower your standards and find a man, or just stop blabbering to me about it. /rant I am sure I will have more "I hate people..." stories in the near future. That seems to be my mojo these days.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jan 18, 2017 16:57:27 GMT -5
Your friend is Ally McBeal!!! Probably slightly misquoting, but one of the other characters asks Ally "why are your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?"
Ally's reply: "Because they're mine."
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jan 18, 2017 17:01:07 GMT -5
I'm shocked that she can't find a romantic companion... shocked I say LOL!! The "list" is damn unrealistic, I tell ya! She is a lawyer, makes good 6 figure income. But damn, you are 40. Some of it is not even realistic now. - MUST be older than her
- Must NOT "look" older than her
- MUST make more than her (because otherwise....gold digger)
- Can't be divorced
- Can't be a widower
- No one with kids (because you know.....kids....other people's kids....)
- New requirement in the past year - must share all her beliefs (This I can understand)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 18, 2017 17:01:53 GMT -5
What is it with the newly converted? DH had a crisis shortly after Gwen was born. He used to be an atheist but did a complete 180. All of a sudden I could do no right and was constantly being picked at for "not believing". We got into a huge row when he planned Gwen's baptism with his mother and excluded me. His comeback was "well you are an atheist so what do you care?" I think that the reason he picked on me is because he was not comfortable with himself and it bothered him to see me comfortable with myself. He felt the need to pick at me to discover whether or not I was wrestling with the same things he was. You know "misery like company". Eventually he settled down but recently he mentioned wanting to "find God" again. This time I laid down the law and told him I will be damned if he's going to drag me thru the mud again because I am not joining him. He has to be comfortable with the fact that I disagree with him and respect MY beliefs just as much as he expects me to his. I also told him that he will respect that I am our children's mother and any decisions regarding their religious education WILL include me. He is not to shut me out because he disagrees with me. If he can do all that then he's free to pursue God to his heart's content, I won't stop him. My SIL is a newly converted nearly vegan (she still eats eggs and deer meat). She CONSTANTLY posts about the evils of the meat industry and how none of us understand the realities like she does now that she's a vegan. DH likes to remind her that he works in the meat industry. I don't care what she eats and good for her for trying to take a stand. However just because I don't agree with you does not mean I have not been "educated" thru facebook videos and "95% of meat eaters have cancer!" type posts.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 17:06:26 GMT -5
I hate when people eat the rest of my chocolate...
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jan 18, 2017 17:11:54 GMT -5
I find myself making up problems to tell people like this. Really outlandish and bizarre ones just to see how they top them. Me: I sat on a fork yesterday Them: oh that's nothing I fell down the stairs yesterday Me: Yes, but it was a big fork...you know one of those ones used for the grill Them: I was carrying my best china when I fell down the stairs Me: I think the fork was rusty Them: It was my dead grandmother's china Me: I had to drive to the hospital with a big rusty fork sticking in my ass Them: Did I tell you that my grandma died of this rare disease that only happens to 1 in 1 quadrillion people Me: I had to get a tetanus shot Them: They misdiagnosed grandma for 12 years. They told her the third arm she started to grow was normal Yeah, I'm not proud... It's sometimes kind of fun. LMAO!
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Jan 18, 2017 17:17:25 GMT -5
When the boss tells me to find some paperwork. And after I have been looking on and off for about 2.5 hours and I go into his office he tells me "not to worry about it" and than hands me a copy of the piece of paperwork that I was asked to look for. Than he is silent about where or who had the paperwork. Being a d*ick and not letting me know to stop looking just to pull some type of damn game-- just because.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jan 18, 2017 17:22:05 GMT -5
I'm shocked that she can't find a romantic companion... shocked I say LOL!! The "list" is damn unrealistic, I tell ya! She is a lawyer, makes good 6 figure income. But damn, you are 40. Some of it is not even realistic now. - MUST be older than her
- Must NOT "look" older than her
- MUST make more than her (because otherwise....gold digger)
- Can't be divorced
- Can't be a widower
- No one with kids (because you know.....kids....other people's kids....)
- New requirement in the past year - must share all her beliefs (This I can understand)
This sounds a lot like one of my friends who I've posted about before. Same - she was in her early 40s, blonde, athletic, attractive, successful, but really tough to be around. Her list ran to two typed pages and looks a lot like your friends' list. My friend's list added things like: minimum height, hair color, etc. At one point I told her that there were only two men on the planet that had all the features on the list; one is married and the other one is gay.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jan 18, 2017 17:27:45 GMT -5
I find myself making up problems to tell people like this. Really outlandish and bizarre ones just to see how they top them. Me: I sat on a fork yesterday Them: oh that's nothing I fell down the stairs yesterday Me: Yes, but it was a big fork...you know one of those ones used for the grill Them: I was carrying my best china when I fell down the stairs Me: I think the fork was rusty Them: It was my dead grandmother's china Me: I had to drive to the hospital with a big rusty fork sticking in my ass Them: Did I tell you that my grandma died of this rare disease that only happens to 1 in 1 quadrillion people Me: I had to get a tetanus shot Them: They misdiagnosed grandma for 12 years. They told her the third arm she started to grow was normal Yeah, I'm not proud... It's sometimes kind of fun.
You can sit by me anytime. We can conspire together to drive the little self-absorbed princesses (and princes) nuts. It'll be fun!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 18, 2017 17:32:10 GMT -5
Most people just need a big healthy dose of Grow the F Up! Life happens!
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jan 18, 2017 17:33:48 GMT -5
"Insist" that their problems are "real" problems while everyone else's issues are......meh! I am undergoing this with a long time friend right now I have known her since high school, very close to her, but over the years she has...changed She has a long history of issues with finding the right guy. Suffice it to say that she has a long list of expectations, and no one guy possesses it all. Basically no one every matches up, like ever. So now, at age 40, she is lonely and constantly complaining about lack of companionship, her motherly instincts, an empty house, an emotional void...the list goes on.... And she has become extremely devout (she was earlier agnostic). Which I have absolutely no problems with, but now I have to hear the rants on how "I" am not supportive enough because I don't participate in her beliefs. WTF WTFreakingF?? I am NOT into religion, I just am not. I am utterly supportive of her following the church and following the rituals.....but now I am being told that I am not supportive enough because I don't ask her during Christmas and each Sunday how the mass went?!?!? Oh, and the only way to show support is to agree with everything. If you even disagree on one item...you are being "cold hearted" My problems in life are also not "problems" because nothing can match up to HER problems. No one can understand her loneliness, or the bad lot she has been given in life. Since I have a husband and kids......that means my problems are not problems enough. Universe give me strength because I am so done with whine. Long term friendship not withstanding, I can only deal so much with "me, me , me". Grow the F up. Either lower your standards and find a man, or just stop blabbering to me about it. /rant I am sure I will have more "I hate people..." stories in the near future. That seems to be my mojo these days. Sounds like it's time to tell her to take a hike. Life is too short to waste any of it listening to the self-absorbed blather of perpetually dissatisfied snowflakes. Tell her off and cut her loose.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Jan 18, 2017 17:37:44 GMT -5
My best friend is turning 40 this year, and a full head of hair, a good body, and no kids are still on her list of must haves. At least she has stopped complaining about being single though.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 17:46:49 GMT -5
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 18, 2017 17:48:51 GMT -5
I really don't get the whole 'list" mentality. How about you just go about life? And then you might meet someone you really connect with. And, he/she may not have everything on your list. But, i seriously doubt any of us fulfill anyone else's detailed list either. Some women are just stupid.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 18, 2017 17:56:07 GMT -5
Well, creepy, addicted, unemployed, um... no. But, sometimes people are between jobs so depending on the circumstance that wouldnt necessarily be a deal breaker. I don't understand all these lists. Or, the "everything has to be perfect" kind of women. I just went about my general life going to college, working, etc and i figured whatever was meant to happen would happen!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 18, 2017 17:58:36 GMT -5
LOL!! The "list" is damn unrealistic, I tell ya! She is a lawyer, makes good 6 figure income. But damn, you are 40. Some of it is not even realistic now. - MUST be older than her
- Must NOT "look" older than her
- MUST make more than her (because otherwise....gold digger)
- Can't be divorced
- Can't be a widower
- No one with kids (because you know.....kids....other people's kids....)
- New requirement in the past year - must share all her beliefs (This I can understand)
This sounds a lot like one of my friends who I've posted about before. Same - she was in her early 40s, blonde, athletic, attractive, successful, but really tough to be around. Her list ran to two typed pages and looks a lot like your friends' list. My friend's list added things like: minimum height, hair color, etc. At one point I told her that there were only two men on the planet that had all the features on the list; one is married and the other one is gay. There could be a third man with all the features on the list; other than his age, her father.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jan 18, 2017 17:59:04 GMT -5
To be honest, I had a list But the ONLY items on the list were: - Needs to be gainfully employed - Needs to be attractive to "me" - Mustn't come with tons of emotional baggage from the past (things like substance abuse, long history of unemployment, prison, lots of divorces and ex-es etc.). I know myself....I can't deal with all that baggage.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 18, 2017 18:01:01 GMT -5
Everyone wants certain things. But we all know the ones who have lengthy list to the exclusion of any other possibilities. What is you make your lengthy list and you miss the love of your life because there was one thing that didn't match? I believe there are women who have done just that.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jan 18, 2017 18:03:35 GMT -5
I love Helen Mirren. I want to be like her when I grow up. I remember her character in the Prime Suspect series. She played such a hot mess who managed despite herself to be successful. Helen Mirren, and Betty White.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jan 18, 2017 18:13:41 GMT -5
I'm shocked that she can't find a romantic companion... shocked I say LOL!! The "list" is damn unrealistic, I tell ya! She is a lawyer, makes good 6 figure income. But damn, you are 40. Some of it is not even realistic now. - MUST be older than her
- Must NOT "look" older than her
- MUST make more than her (because otherwise....gold digger)
- Can't be divorced
- Can't be a widower
- No one with kids (because you know.....kids....other people's kids....)
- New requirement in the past year - must share all her beliefs (This I can understand)
At one point, I didn't really want to get into a serious relationship so I made up an impossible list that no one could meet. I met her within a week. Including driving the We did have one date. She was way too cool for an average guy like me.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jan 18, 2017 18:25:04 GMT -5
"Insist" that their problems are "real" problems while everyone else's issues are......meh! Universe give me strength because I am so done with whine. Long term friendship not withstanding, I can only deal so much with "me, me , me". Grow the F up. Either lower your standards and find a man, or just stop blabbering to me about it. /rant I am sure I will have more "I hate people..." stories in the near future. That seems to be my mojo these days. So do you want some cheese now that you are done with your whine? JUST KIDDING. I can't stand to be around people that try to one up or think they are the only ones that feels that life sucks sometimes. I would start to back away slowly and not engage. Unless you want some good laughs. I've been divorced for about 12 years now and I do miss having someone to do things with and have a list of "no thank you" but those are pretty common. No addicts, must be employed (not flipping burgers), not living in mom's basement, able to pay his bills, etc. Nothing too picky other than would like someone at least 6' and not obese. Am I asking for too much?
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justme
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Post by justme on Jan 18, 2017 18:47:33 GMT -5
Ok, I can't decide of I'm alone because I don't have a list or if it's some other reason.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jan 18, 2017 19:05:59 GMT -5
I really don't get the whole 'list" mentality. How about you just go about life? And then you might meet someone you really connect with. And, he/she may not have everything on your list. But, i seriously doubt any of us fulfill anyone else's detailed list either. Some women are just stupid. I have a "list" but it's not long: Be taller than me Be gainfully employed Be attractive (to me)... That does include stuff like hair, weight/shape, etc. Have a reasonably healthy lifestyle Him having kids is not a concern. I have one so no biggie. I wish I have less items on my list, but I can't help what I'm attracted to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 19:17:09 GMT -5
LOL!! The "list" is damn unrealistic, I tell ya! She is a lawyer, makes good 6 figure income. But damn, you are 40. Some of it is not even realistic now. - MUST be older than her
- Must NOT "look" older than her
- MUST make more than her (because otherwise....gold digger)
- Can't be divorced
- Can't be a widower
- No one with kids (because you know.....kids....other people's kids....)
- New requirement in the past year - must share all her beliefs (This I can understand)
At one point, I didn't really want to get into a serious relationship so I made up an impossible list that no one could meet. I met her within a week. Including driving the We did have one date. She was way too cool for an average guy like me. This is the kind of thing that makes me question atheism...
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jan 18, 2017 19:38:57 GMT -5
To be honest, I had a list But the ONLY items on the list were: - Needs to be gainfully employed - Needs to be attractive to "me" - Mustn't come with tons of emotional baggage from the past (things like substance abuse, long history of unemployment, prison, lots of divorces and ex-es etc.). I know myself....I can't deal with all that baggage. Sounds like my list.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 20:42:09 GMT -5
Last year I walked away from a "friendship" that had pretty much come down to the Olympics of misery, "Oh, your car was totalled; mine was totalled and I am in a body cast for 6 months". I'd known her for more than 20 years and been super close for the last 7 but just couldn't play any more. There are platforms in my life for competition if I choose, but true friendship isn't going to be one of them. We all have plenty of carp in our lives; I don't need anyone who wants to carry around a scale measuring my carp load vs. hers.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 18, 2017 21:32:44 GMT -5
I got divorced and had to re-enter the dating world in my 40s. Prior to that, I was 17 on my last "first date"! I'm obviously in a much different financial position than I was back then so I did have somethings that would rule a guy out. Mainly me feeling like I would be his sugar momma!
Other than that:
Good heart Love me, love my kids Be taller than me Not be an asshole like my ex
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 18, 2017 22:53:03 GMT -5
I think deep down, some people truly believed that their life would be "perfect" if they just followed the rules (did x and y and z) life would magically hand them all the "perfect" stuff they expected to get. And that they cling to this belief for longer than they should. But, time passes, and life happens maybe while they were playing by/following the rules and it finally becomes apparent to them that the unthinkable is happening - they AREN"T getting what they expected - or maybe they come to the realization that they don't really WANT what they've been expecting to get. And it starts to feel like it's too late to change course or recover all the stuff they've missed out on. they realize they are "old". At that point they either get really whine-y and bitter and grind to a halt OR they take a look around and realize that what they DO have isn't totally awful (maybe it's not too bad!) and that it's not too late to change course and get some cool stuff into their life. I also think that people sometimes get into a cycle of self fulfilling prophecy - the internal voices say nothing positive and every thing is viewed from a negative perspective. Even when things go well - it's still all negative. If you expect something to turn out bad - why attempt to do it or do what's necessary to make it be GOOD... and the negative prophecy comes true. I don't know if it's worth the effort to remain friends... especially if they aren't actively looking/working on a way out of the 'unhappy place'.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 18, 2017 22:59:17 GMT -5
"Insist" that their problems are "real" problems while everyone else's issues are......meh! I am undergoing this with a long time friend right now I have known her since high school, very close to her, but over the years she has...changed She has a long history of issues with finding the right guy. Suffice it to say that she has a long list of expectations, and no one guy possesses it all. Basically no one every matches up, like ever. So now, at age 40, she is lonely and constantly complaining about lack of companionship, her motherly instincts, an empty house, an emotional void...the list goes on....
And she has become extremely devout (she was earlier agnostic). Is it possible she's finally had to face a gender issue or a sexuality issue that she's uncomfortable with? It sucks to not 'fit in' with what's expected of you, but sometimes when young it's easy to blend in or fake it... and it might not have been all that uncomfortable to do. But, with time and age the "faking it til you make it" doesn't really work - and maybe the internal integrity issue becomes an uncomfortable burden. Turning to a god for help reconciling that internal integrity issue with reality probably isn't that uncommon (looking for strength to be the normal that every one expects OR looking for forgiveness for being human? I don't know). Either that - or maybe she's afraid of dying... I've weathered a few shit storms when friends have had to confront their own mortality (or the mortality of their parents). Religion came up a lot at those times.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jan 18, 2017 23:16:19 GMT -5
I find myself making up problems to tell people like this. Really outlandish and bizarre ones just to see how they top them. Me: I sat on a fork yesterday Them: oh that's nothing I fell down the stairs yesterday Me: Yes, but it was a big fork...you know one of those ones used for the grill Them: I was carrying my best china when I fell down the stairs Me: I think the fork was rusty Them: It was my dead grandmother's china Me: I had to drive to the hospital with a big rusty fork sticking in my ass Them: Did I tell you that my grandma died of this rare disease that only happens to 1 in 1 quadrillion people Me: I had to get a tetanus shot Them: They misdiagnosed grandma for 12 years. They told her the third arm she started to grow was normal Yeah, I'm not proud... It's sometimes kind of fun. Hahaha! That sounds like something I would do.
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