Alternative Christmas Ideas?

[jitterbug]

Christmas has gotten crazy and I want ideas on how to make it fun again!  I have 2 parts to this question:

1.  I'm tired of spending money on "things" - trying to figure out what our kids like, trying to keep it even between them, tired of THINKING about mixing up big gifts and little gifts, etc.  Tired of wrapping 100 gifts!  I want to buy a couple of items for each kid (who range in age from 27-34, 2 married, 1 not) because SOME of it is fun....but I'd like to come up with some alternative "gifts" - like things to do gifts.  We have a blended family of 3 kids, 2 in-laws and because we started dating when the kids were college age, we haven't done a very good job of pulling the family as a whole together.  I'd kind of like to start blending the kids together better, in a small way.  So am looking for ideas of things we can gift the kids that will create memories and help us become more of a family.  Right now the only thing I can think of is creating "certificates" good for a day at the amusement park and a day bowling, where we all go on the same day and we pick up the tab for everyone.  Other ideas?

2.  4 of our 5 kids, plus my husband, all work retail related jobs.  Plus the kids each live 2 hours away from us.  So getting time off at Christmas either doesn't happen - or they're exhausted by the time Christmas gets here.  Last year my stepdaughter didn't get off work until 6 on Christmas Eve....had to drive 2 hours to get to our house...and by 11 my son had to leave to drive his 2 hours home in the other direction so he could spend Christmas Day with his wife's family! We basically got 2.5 hours with our whole family!   So I'd like to plan our "Christmas Day" on an off day and yes, we open gifts - but we also spend fun time together, playing games and such.  But adding a twist to it!  (Like in relationship to my thought above....perhaps instead of buying specialized individual gifts, we instead spend that money on restaurant gift cards, fun gifts, etc. and then we play games and the winner picks a prize.  We've done this is a small way with my family and to keep it even....if you win the game but already got a prize, the person to your right gets to pick a prize instead).  So what have you guys done to solve the "too many Christmases, too many schedules, too much crazy" in your holidays?

[Wisconsin Beth]

My family doesn't do adult gifts at Christmas so I can't help on that.

But we usually gather on the Sunday after Christmas at my brother's house to celebrate.  This year that would be hard because we've got several college age students who can get double or triple time for working Christmas and New Years, plus a couple of them are required to work x holidays during the year.  They get pizza and chicken and assorted sides from a local pizza place that my SIL's BIL owns (a bunch of us have worked there) and we watch football and relax and open presents. 

This year one of my nieces leaves for India on 12/26 so we're doing the party before Christmas. 

As for DH's side, we host a Christmas Eve gathering where our kids open their presents from Santa then.  Christmas morning we do a rotating holiday.  So we'll be hosting Christmas day too. 

[Plain Old Petunia]

Last year I spent Christmas in Napa at my brother's timeshare resort.  We went for 3 or 4 days and did a lot of fun things, and generally just enjoyed being together. We didn't do gifts at all.  It was wonderful!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My grandmother has her thing on Christmas Eve.   We usually do his family on Christmas morning then spend the afternoon with mine.

We reversed it last year because my SIL was tired of having to get up at the butt crack of dawn.   I like the reverse better because my parents get to see the grandkids before they are spoiled rotten by DH's family and exhausted.

Since we went to my parents first DH could not accuse me of hating his family and trying to prevent him from spending time with them last year which was REALLY nice.   The reason he accuses me of this is because by the time noon rolls around I will gently remind him that my parents would like to spend some time with me and their grandkids too.

I've suggested separate Christmases and alternate who gets the kids each year but he insists that since we are married we are required to attend every Christmas event together.


I have no idea about group activities for adult children so no help there.  I do run into the "stuff" issue a lot since my kids get FOUR Christmases.   What I finally settled on is I let the grandparents spoil them.   I usually do one BIG gift and a couple of small gifts.

For example I bought Gwen a barbie house when she was four.   I suggested everyone else buy the Barbies and other accessories.  

I've also made it clear that anything giant or obnoxious will remain at Grandma's house it's not coming home with us.   So shop wisely.

This year I am going to get Gwen a Children's Museum membership.  I hinted to my parents that she would really like a zoo membership.   Great Grandma is going to get told that she wants a sewing machine.  I haven't used one since eighth grade, my grandma uses it all the time.  I figure it would be a great bonding experience for them.

[alabamagal]

The best way to increase the fun is to totally eliminate adult gifts. It may seem strange at first, but once you try you will really appreciate it.

Even just getting gift cards is stressful. You have to go get them to give out, then receive a bunch of them. You may or may not end up with the same amount you spent, but then you are stuck going to the restaurants or shops you have cards for. Just stop it and you can eat and shop where you want.

Instead go as a group to a nice restaurant. Or just have pot luck. Or go somewhere as a group. And it doesn't even have to be Christmas Day.

[giramomma]

Our family also still does lists for Christmas for adult children. Much easier for the grands than trying to guess what we all want. We also have modest Christmases.. I think the experience route sounds awesome. Will it be possible for everyone to get a few days off together, especially in retail?

My rule is that the kids are home in their own beds Christmas morning. We've started to go to Mass Christmas Eve..

We get together when we can get together. Sometimes it's Christmas, sometimes it's a few days afterwards.
I guess we feel that family gatherings are no more or less important if they happen on a specific holiday or a plain jane day.

ETA: We also do not try to keep gifts equal/on par. My Ils are worth 4X as much as us. As such, they spend 3X as much on Christmas for our gifts as they do for us. It's not a competition.

We also do not spend equal amounts on our kids for Christmas. When DS was 8 or 9, he got an iPad mini for Christmas. There was absolutely no need to spend $200 on an infant for Christmas. And it wouldn't be fair for DS to only have $25 in gifts, total, because that's what #3 got.

[Tiny]

I have to admit agreeing with the eliminate adult gifts - my family holiday became a lot more fun with out them. It was weird the first couple of Christmases but then it was like a huge weight had been lifted and we all started enjoying the time together more.

The only ones who get gifts at Christmas are the actual 'kids' - those 18 and under - with some special fun for the new 18 yos who get to move from the 'kids' area/table to the adult table/area for dinner


The Holidays are so stressful with everyone working or going to in-laws or whatever - we've started making a bigger deal out of the Family Picnic that we hold every year in the summer. We pay for a permit to use a grove with a shelter (not particularly expensive) at the local Forest Preserve and we grill food, play horseshoes, volleyball, have water balloons/squirt guns, sit around and talk, etc. We get a much better turn out for the picnic (most family members in one place for a long period of time) than we do for the "family Christmas celebration". The Picnic is way more fun, too.     The Permit gets purchased in January (for the upcoming summer).  We talk about possible weekends for the picnic over the holidays and narrow it down to the 2 most doable (can't always get the grove we want on the day we want so we have a back up date - we've been using the same grove for 15 years).

Who ever can make it makes it to the picnic -some people only spend an hour or two - others stay the whole day. The Picnic is nice because it easily accommodates new babies and the older folks and even family member's visiting in-laws (or college friends).

[jitterbug]

Tiny - that is EXACTLY what I say I want to do for the extended family! I want to do it around my mom's birthday, which is in July, in memory of her. And then we won't be competing with other families for time!

But for this question - I'm looking for ideas for our immediate family. I'm not quite ready to give up gift giving, as I believe even our adult children still appreciate receiving gifts at this point in their life. A $25 Applebee's gift card is a date night for them! But I want to give things of value - including memories! - instead of "stuff"!

[happyhoix]

I also vote for no gifts for adults. That eliminates an enormous amount of stress trying to figure out what to buy for someone who already has everything they need, especially when you have some 'picky' people in the family.  We still buy presents for the small kids and for my MIL, but nothing for the other adults. (Although some of us bring foods to share, cookies, etc).

As for the alternative Christmas - my nephew is a fire fighter, so we always celebrate the big holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) a few days before or after the actual date, because he always has to be on call (he doesn't have seniority). This works perfectly for us - with all the extended families/in laws parties to attend, plus those who have small kids wanting to spend Christmas mornings at home, it actually works great to have another date. I don't know that I'd wait as long as July, though, kind of lost all the Xmas spirit at that point. Maybe have a BBQ on your Mom's birthday, and have your Christmas celebration on new years?

[alabamagal]

Oct 27, 2016 14:07:57 GMT -5 jitterbug said:

Tiny - that is EXACTLY what I say I want to do for the extended family! I want to do it around my mom's birthday, which is in July, in memory of her. And then we won't be competing with other families for time!

But for this question - I'm looking for ideas for our immediate family. I'm not quite ready to give up gift giving, as I believe even our adult children still appreciate receiving gifts at this point in their life. A $25 Applebee's gift card is a date night for them! But I want to give things of value - including memories! - instead of "stuff"!

But my point is that even receiving gift cards is not that great.  It may sound whiny, but if I received an Applebee's gift card then I would have to go to Applebee's, which I consider so-so.  I would have more fun at the sushi place next door.  Unless you know for sure that it is their favorite place to go, I would even skip the gift card.  I prefer cash, then I can decide where to go on my date night.

My kids are 22-25.  Last year I got my youngest a gift of a tablet for him to use in college.  We discussed it and he picked it out.  It was Amazon one for $150.  It is not exactly something he needed, but it is very useful to him.  My other 2 didn't get gifts.  DH and I did not receive gifts from any of them.  This year I might take youngest out and get some interview/business clothes that he hopefully will use after his college graduation.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

But for this question - I'm looking for ideas for our immediate family

Why don't you just ask them what they want?


We don't do adults in DH's family there are far too many of them.  We used to do Secret Santa but that stopped eventually too.  I was thrilled because their idea of a "cheap" gift was setting the minimum at $100.

[jitterbug]

Oct 27, 2016 14:34:55 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

But for this question - I'm looking for ideas for our immediate family

Why don't you just ask them what they want?

They're not very good at giving me specific gift ideas.  But I did just send them an email, discussing the idea of doing some fun family things.  We'll see what they come up with!  But I was hoping some of you had some successful alternative ideas that you could share.  Like what Tiny offered.

And in regards to doing something in July - I guess I didn't phrase that right.  That idea is not an alternative to CHRISTMAS - it's an alternative to getting together as an extended family, at a time when we're not competing for time to be together.

[Chocolate Lover]

Board games. Give them all different games and then play them. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Don't do Applebee's gift cards then.   It's like giving people a Chia Pet for Christmas.   It says "I insisted on shopping but don't really know what to get you so I grabbed the first thing I saw at Walgreens"


I try to make gifts I give personal.   This year I will be framing the open sign from my great uncle's resturant for my brother.   When we were little kids it was a HUGE deal for us to be able to turn the sign at 4 pm.  We also both worked there as teenagers.   The sign is a bit of "home" for us.

I embroidered pillow cases last year for my MIL with hummingbirds because I know she loves them.  

For the kids for the I've done photo story books using our vacation pictures.   I get 24 page bound books for a little over $20 thru Sam's Club.

I finally printed off our wedding photos for DH a couple of years ago.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Can you all get together at the start of the Christmas season and buy a real tree together and spend an evening setting it up and decorating and eating favorite holiday foods?  That way, before the final countdown frenzy, you've all already at least connected for the holidays and will feel less pressure to see each other during the actual holi-days.  Send everyone off with a basket of Christmas cookies or other holiday foods your family treasures -- I would love a gift like that during the holiday crunch!!

Is there a team or band that you all follow or a play that you all want to see that you could buy tickets for a game or a performance and go as a group?  

Can you rent an Air BnB somewhere fun nearby and all spend a weekend together, hanging out, cooking, doing whatever?

Can you find a local "do it yourself" brewery and all go together one day/evening make a family beer (or root beer, as it may be) and everyone takes home a six/12 pack with your personalized label on the bottles?

Do you folks enjoy cooking?  Is there a local cooking school where you could all meet for an evening and make and eat a gourmet dinner together?


The adults in my family are still doing token gifts (for which I am apparently the lone "Scrooge") but we also do a Yankee Swap.  You set a dollar limit ($5/$25/whatever) and bring the anonymous wrapped gift to the gathering.  Players draw numbers from a hat to set the order to pick a gift.  After you open the gift, you can exchange it for any of the other gifts already opened.  Although we do it for the laughs, and there really isn't any "winner", the person who draws the #1 and picks first, gets to exchange his/her gift at the end between ALL of the gifts.  Some people bring more "traditional" gifty-gifts, others, like us, prefer to bring humorous gifts.  We have a lot of fun and laughs and I personally prefer to reduce the Christmas gift-giving to just the Yankee Swap, but I'm outnumbered by folks who seem to want to exchange gift cards from places I may not shop or eat at with other gift cards they may not shop or eat at.    

[Deleted]

It was very liberating for me to give up gifting adults.  It had gotten so that their gifts to me were so off-target that I had to wonder if mine were even worse!  For example, my daughter had my favorite psalm printed on some sort of wallboard through Etsy.  It SOUNDS wonderful, but it doesn't really work with my decor.  The colors are off, and it has a balloon as its background.  Decorating is really personal.  Yet I feel required to have it on the wall since it was a gift from her, almost as if she was still five instead of almost forty.

They liked the no gifts for adults as much as I did.  

[Gardening Grandma]

A few years ago I made some changes to our Christmas plans because I was developing some resentment about the amount of time, effort and money I was spending and did not feel that it was appreciated.

I announced that I would no longer be cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner AND a big Christmas dinner.  One son lives out of state and has his own events that he llkes to go to.  The other son is divorced and juggles the holidays with his ex.  So I asked them to pick a weekend in Dec that would work for them and I'd make one holiday dinner.  They both like the way that has worked out.

Second.  I give  all of them money. As the grandkids got older, I started giving them money as well.  They understand it's a gift and I don't care what they do with it.  I also give each one a small "fun" gift.  It might be a toy or something humorous.  And I give each one a Christmas ornament with their name and the year written on the bottom.

The only gift I ask from them is their presence and possibly photos of them during the year.

DH and I exchange gifts on Christmas Eve or morning - whatever we both feel like. 

[Happy prose]

jitterbug...where do you live? I'm thinking tickets for everyone to see the Christmas show at Radio City Music Hall, the a walk down 5th to see the cool window displays, and of course the tree. If you're not in the tri-state area, is there something similar by you?

[Tiny]

Oct 27, 2016 14:07:57 GMT -5 jitterbug said:

  I'm not quite ready to give up gift giving, as I believe even our adult children still appreciate receiving gifts at this point in their life. A $25 Applebee's gift card is a date night for them! But I want to give things of value - including memories! - instead of "stuff"!

 

Hmmm, things of value instead of 'stuff'... well, as I watch my own extended family age and the 'kids' move on - I'd suggest doing something fun with your 'family pictures' - maybe going thru the old pictures and come up with a gift idea that might take several years to give - present each kid with their "baby pictures" and family pics from those early years this year (or start with something easier like more current years)  and then every Christmas you present them with some of their family history in some form that you've packaged into some thing cool (a photo album or have had framed or preserved in some way) - maybe their stuff from grade school that's in your attic.   Yeah, I'm NOT being nasty - I'm serious - those are your kids memories and maybe you have the time and creativity to 'repackage' the stuff and make a nice 'memorable something' for your kids.   I calendar of photos?  or a collage of their artwork?  I don't know I've seen all sorts  of cool stuff at my friend's homes.

Memories are about laughter and smiles and doing silly stuff together.    Memories are sometimes traditions like the bowl of pickled beets that MUST be on the Christmas table - even though no one eats them.   

It's hard to get people together for an outing - even a day at the amusement park months from now - someone isn't going to be able to attend.   And if it's billed as a 'Christmas gift' to them - it adds stress - they HAVE to attend or they don't get a 'gift'.

What about planning an 'cook out' at your home during the summer - start telling your kids they need to have their 'calendars' with them so you all can come up with a couple of summer dates at CHRISTMAS.    Don't add the "it's a Gift!" just say you'd like to spend an afternoon with everyone who can make it.  And then plan the cook out - make it informal for the first one - and be prepared for some people to not be able to make it.   Do it again the next year.  Make it a tradition.  If you build it - they will come.  

  

 

If you really need to have them unwrap something at Christmas - I'd either write the a check or give them each a visa gift card.    And then move on to taking pictures, telling stories, and singing songs.

[Tiny]

Just as an side that I found humorous:   I heard on the news last night that people spend $200 plus per gift at Christmas! For EVERYONE on their list I thought 99% of the population was POOR and didn't have money to spend?!?    I do know that there are plenty of people (who are not in the 1%)  who can easily afford doing this.    It just added to my stress about Christmas and I don't buy many people presents (and I'm not spending anywhere near $200 per person).

[emma1420]

I'm from a blended family.  There are five kids overall, three who are married, two who are single, and one (so far) with kids.  My step-mom makes all the kids a stocking with a bunch of fun little things.  There are no big gifts exchanged.

But, honestly, I think you are doing brilliantly to have all your family together for even a couple of hours at Xmas.  In my family, there is almost always one kid missing, even if we celebrate on another day, and despite the fact I live 5000 miles away, it's typically one of my siblings who has in-laws that  is missing.  So I would recommend that you don't get too frustrated if you can't get everyone together.

[milee]

If the goal is to get a blended family to take on new traditions and feel closer together, think hard about whether that's the time/place to honor your mother. Unless your mother was equally part of all of their lives and had a close relationship to all of them, making the event in honor of her inserts a bit of an us/them vibe since she was only grandma to your kids.

[cronewitch]

I am down to cash for those who would appreciate cash and nothing for anyone else. I gift a Amazon gift card to a girl because she is special needs and learning to shop. I will gift her brother a couple hundred because he is in college and college kids like cash. I gave their mother $3,000 Monday because she is suing their father and barely making a living, now she can get some gifts and a washing machine and play soccer. She was playing soccer and had to quit because she couldn't afford it, the team told her to be a sub and come to every game, free, now she can pay not be a charity case.
We have a quiet Christmas since the youngest is 17 so it is about the food not gifts or decorations.

[emma1420]

Oct 27, 2016 15:36:22 GMT -5 milee said:

If the goal is to get a blended family to take on new traditions and feel closer together, think hard about whether that's the time/place to honor your mother. Unless your mother was equally part of all of their lives and had a close relationship to all of them, making the event in honor of her inserts a bit of an us/them vibe since she was only grandma to your kids.

This is a great point.  If my step-mother had an annual gathering with the idea it was focused on her deceased mother I wouldn't make any sort of effort to go.  In fact, it would have the opposite effect on me.  I didn't know my step-mothers mother, and i would feel excluded.  

However, I could see a similar situation working if the focus was my dad's mother as she has been a vital and present person in all our lives.  My step-siblings call her Grandma. 

[Plain Old Petunia]

Oct 27, 2016 14:41:03 GMT -5 jitterbug said:

Oct 27, 2016 14:34:55 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

But for this question - I'm looking for ideas for our immediate family

Why don't you just ask them what they want?

They're not very good at giving me specific gift ideas.  But I did just send them an email, discussing the idea of doing some fun family things.  We'll see what they come up with!  But I was hoping some of you had some successful alternative ideas that you could share.  Like what Tiny offered.

And in regards to doing something in July - I guess I didn't phrase that right.  That idea is not an alternative to CHRISTMAS - it's an alternative to getting together as an extended family, at a time when we're not competing for time to be together.

When I was still married, I eventually began taking the in-laws out to dinner one evening, footing the bill.  They enjoyed it, they didn't feel slighted because they did not receive a gift, and I was not condemned to choose gifts they wouldn't like anyway. Win-win.

[movingforward]

I am kind of weird and non-traditional so take my idea for what you will but what if you eliminated gifts and just did a fun outing together.  Since you are not going to do it on Christmas day there are a lot of options (depending on where you live).  The outing is the gift.  You could go to:

*iFLY Indoor Skydiving - this is fun for everyone, even those that don't want to do it have fun watching others

*Dinner or lunch and a show (we have a lot of Christmas shows/plays that come to my city)

*Pizza, beer and bowling

*Hot air balloon ride (again this is dependent on where you live)

*Dinner out and a white elephant gift exchange.  This can be fun depending on how many people you have and the type of gifts people buy. 

[tcu2003]

A couple of ideas...

My cousin's ILs gifted a couple of nights at a Great Wolf Lodge for the entire family for Christmas one year. It was the MIL and FIL, their two sons and their wives (my cousin is the wife of the oldest son), and the four grandkids. The water park hotel was sort of in the middle of the where everyone lives (my cousin and her family and her MIL/FIL live in the same city, and the other son and his family live in a neighboring state; the destination was closer than the drive between the two cities). They went between Christmas and NYE and everyone had a good time. They didn't have to spend every waking moment together, but enjoyed some fun family dinners, and the cousins got to play together.

Similarly, I have friends who have done Disney World with extended family for Christmas. I believe each family pays for themselves, but they don't buy in other presents for anyone else in the extended family (and maybe the grandparents pay for a couple of meals or something like that).

I also have friends that the women in the family all see The Nutcracker ballet each year with a dinner out beforehand, and love the tradition.

[Apple]

When my son was 16, I only gave him a couple gifts for Christmas.  An Amazon gift certificate, a couple books, and a note telling him that I would take him to any play/musical of his choice, and a nice dinner.  I gave him links to the "local" theater companies so he could see what was coming up.  The one he wanted to see ended up being a five hour (each way) drive from home, so we had a road trip where we listened to a new Weird Al CD, plus other music we both enjoyed.

Three years later, we still talk about that play and how much fun it was.  He is not much of a talker, but other people told me about how much he lit up when he talked about it.

Adults in my family don't get much for gifts.  An ornament selected for us by my mom, some homemade candies/mixes/whatever, maybe homemade treats for the dogs.  We got rid of the gift exchange a few years ago, and I really don't miss it.  If we have time/are up to making something that year, we do, if not, well, there is always next year.

[cronewitch]

I suggest moving your holiday to New Year's Day. My ISO's mom and step day celebrated New Year's Day so we started too. New Year's day is parade in the morning on tv then football. His mom refused to cook on New Years so cooked prawns the night before and put food on the table for all day snacking no meals, it was her holiday. We started bringing prawns the night before and saying over but then when we stayed home he wanted prawns, it has become now prawns, smoked salmon, smoked smelt, crab and lobster with football, he makes enough food for anyone who might show up and him to eat for 3-4 days.

[TheOtherMe]

This will be the 3rd Christmas where I am not getting gifts for my adult niece and nephews.  All we were doing was exchanging gift cards. 

My sister and agreed on no more gifts at the same time.

I only buy for my 92 year old dad and my great nephew and niece.  Have not decided at what age to cut them out. 

Dad is easy as he loves receiving Dairy Queen gift cards.  He has to eat at Dairy Queen on Saturday and Sunday, so they get used.  Last Saturday he sounded perturbed because all of his Christmas, birthday and Father's Day gift cards are finally used up and actually has to pay for his lunch.

My sister on the other hand goes crazy for Christmas.  She knows I don't agree with her extravagance and no longer invites me to the hours long gift opening.  When all the gifts are in her living room, people can't walk in it.  Santa still comes to her adult children and to her grandchildren.  Last time I was there I would guess she had easily spent $5K on Christmas presents--and her children and grandchildren expect it.