Restaurant Etiquette

[ZaireinHD]

WOW! GEEZ! had to look up that on spelling! LOL

so I was out having dinner with my friend at a restaurant she picked. I'm half way through my full rack of BBQ ribs and mashed potatoes. when she said

Zaire - when you are not using your utensils; put them down.

meaning while I was taking this entire night, and sometimes talking with my hands. I didn't put my fork and knife down.

I was shocked and a bit embarrassed!

(but I get embarrassed just about everyday! - doesn't take much)

so I put my utensils down and said okay! what's going on?

she said

if I was at home, I could do whatever I want. but out in public act like I got some manners. and take your elbows off the table!

sorry laughing now! I was so shocked, embarrassed. I had not realized what I was doing. I'm just so comfortable around her. then I wondered if I was this way on the few dates I've been on? I doubt it? I am on my best behavior. but on second thought if I don't realize what I am doing, and of course my date wouldn't say anything to me about it. than I wouldn't know.

 

[thyme4change]

I openly and belligerently put my elbows on the table.  I think it is a dumb rule. 

[Green Eyed Lady]

I'm a huge stickler for table manners. It's a result of being pinched on the thigh every time I violated the rules.  My mother was very obsessed with good manners.  

Yes...those things you mentioned weren't proper etiquette, but she violated the biggest rule of all by calling you out on those violations - especially in public.  What you were doing wasn't exactly like peeing in a corner and could certainly have waited until later to discuss.

Keep in mind that most etiquette rules are to keep the atmosphere enjoyable for all who are there.  Talking and waving your utensils around could be a distraction for others.    The elbows on the table thing?  It results from eons ago when putting your elbows on the table and leaning on them could upset the table as it was usually a plank set across something like sawhorses and wasn't very sturdy.  I dont' think it really applies any longer, but I still wouldn't do it because it is still seen as ill-mannered and I don't want anyone to think I was born in a barn.

My mother stressed that my manners were a reflection on her and how well I was raised.  I do know that if I see kids behaving badly in public, I usually do blame the parents so maybe there's something to it after all.

[NoNamePerson]

Aug 19, 2016 9:05:00 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I openly and belligerently put my elbows on the table.  I think it is a dumb rule. 

I don't do it on purpose but they find their way on occasion. I never understood that rule either.  

[thyme4change]

I figured the rule was born of some necessity, that is not longer applicable.  That is why I am working to phase it out.  If people think I was born in a barn - well, then, I have done damn good at rising up, haven't I!!

The not waving around metal utensils like knives and forks, which have bits of food on them - that I get.  

[Green Eyed Lady]

Aug 19, 2016 10:13:19 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I figured the rule was born of some necessity, that is not longer applicable.  That is why I am working to phase it out.  If people think I was born in a barn - well, then, I have done damn good at rising up, haven't I!!

The not waving around metal utensils like knives and forks, which have bits of food on them - that I get.  

I'm going to start doing it (when Mom isn't around). I know it's a bit late to start being rebellious but what the heck. I don't think she can catch me anymore if I run really fast.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I got in really big trouble over manners once. We were on vacation (staying at Grandma's house) and we went out to dinner at this fairly nice restaurant. I had a bug bite on my arm and evidently, I was scratching it while seated at the table. I did not know this was against the rules, but apparently scratching oneself in public is a huge no-no. So she pinches me on the thigh and I let out a yelp. Cause it hurt, dangit!

Her stare melted the ice in my water. When we got home, she told me that if I ever let out a scream like that in public again, she was going to give me something to scream about. I replied that she already did that and then...why I still do not know...proceeded to ask her how she would like it if I pinched her? She gave me that "I'm going to kill you now" stare and said "I wouldn't if I were you, young lady."   I just headed for my room as I knew before she even said anything that's where I was headed. I was just hoping I'd get there with my limbs intact.  Mom wasn't above slapping the crap out of us, but it had to be for something really big and I guess this didn't apply.  Whew.  I did, however, not get to go swimming at the neighbor's the next day.

Did ya'll know it was rude to scratch your arm in public? 

[weltschmerz]

Aug 19, 2016 1:56:46 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

WOW! GEEZ! had to look up that on spelling! LOL

so I was out having dinner with my friend at a restaurant she picked. I'm half way through my full rack of BBQ ribs and mashed potatoes. when she said

Zaire - when you are not using your utensils; put them down.

meaning while I was taking this entire night, and sometimes talking with my hands. I didn't put my fork and knife down.

I was shocked and a bit embarrassed!

(but I get embarrassed just about everyday! - doesn't take much)

so I put my utensils down and said okay! what's going on?

she said

if I was at home, I could do whatever I want. but out in public act like I got some manners. and take your elbows off the table!

sorry laughing now! I was so shocked, embarrassed. I had not realized what I was doing. I'm just so comfortable around her. then I wondered if I was this way on the few dates I've been on? I doubt it? I am on my best behavior. but on second thought if I don't realize what I am doing, and of course my date wouldn't say anything to me about it. than I wouldn't know.

 

Don't forget to take your hat off at the table.
A gentleman never wears a hat at the table.

[mroped]

I got in a lot of trouble because of table manners and so on while growing up.
But then I became an adult and I decided that I should do whatever makes me comfortable

Are you displeased by my manners? Fine, I'll behave and follow whatever rules but don't tell me that you don't feel the same about this stupid and outdated rules!

[weltschmerz]

Manners aren't stupid and outdated.

[alabamagal]

Were you eating BBQ ribs with your utensils? If they were serving BBQ ribs I am thinking it is not a fancy restaurant, so rules my be relaxed.

[thyme4change]

Aug 19, 2016 10:47:08 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I got in really big trouble over manners once. We were on vacation (staying at Grandma's house) and we went out to dinner at this fairly nice restaurant. I had a bug bite on my arm and evidently, I was scratching it while seated at the table. I did not know this was against the rules, but apparently scratching oneself in public is a huge no-no. So she pinches me on the thigh and I let out a yelp. Cause it hurt, dangit!

Her stare melted the ice in my water. When we got home, she told me that if I ever let out a scream like that in public again, she was going to give me something to scream about. I replied that she already did that and then...why I still do not know...proceeded to ask her how she would like it if I pinched her? She gave me that "I'm going to kill you now" stare and said "I wouldn't if I were you, young lady."   I just headed for my room as I knew before she even said anything that's where I was headed. I was just hoping I'd get there with my limbs intact.  Mom wasn't above slapping the crap out of us, but it had to be for something really big and I guess this didn't apply.  Whew.  I did, however, not get to go swimming at the neighbor's the next day.

Did ya'll know it was rude to scratch your arm in public? 

Probably dates back to when people had all kinds of bugs living on them and there was no treatment. Please don't fling your lice or bed bugs in my direction.

[Tennesseer]

Aug 19, 2016 10:47:08 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I got in really big trouble over manners once. We were on vacation (staying at Grandma's house) and we went out to dinner at this fairly nice restaurant. I had a bug bite on my arm and evidently, I was scratching it while seated at the table. I did not know this was against the rules, but apparently scratching oneself in public is a huge no-no. So she pinches me on the thigh and I let out a yelp. Cause it hurt, dangit!

Her stare melted the ice in my water. When we got home, she told me that if I ever let out a scream like that in public again, she was going to give me something to scream about. I replied that she already did that and then...why I still do not know...proceeded to ask her how she would like it if I pinched her? She gave me that "I'm going to kill you now" stare and said "I wouldn't if I were you, young lady."   I just headed for my room as I knew before she even said anything that's where I was headed. I was just hoping I'd get there with my limbs intact.  Mom wasn't above slapping the crap out of us, but it had to be for something really big and I guess this didn't apply.  Whew.  I did, however, not get to go swimming at the neighbor's the next day.

Did ya'll know it was rude to scratch your arm in public? 

My butt, yes. My arm, no.

[zibazinski]

I'm assuming this was a real friend who was trying to do you a favor because if it was a potential or a real girlfriend, this could be a deal breaker or a warning that she's had enough of your lack of manners. Embarrassing someone in public is a good way or making sure they aren't seen with you in public again. I wouldn't go out with someone after I went out with him two times and both times he embarrassed me by his behavior. I felt being seen with someone so ill bred reflected on me more than him. 

[Tennesseer]

Aug 19, 2016 15:28:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Aug 19, 2016 10:47:08 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I got in really big trouble over manners once. We were on vacation (staying at Grandma's house) and we went out to dinner at this fairly nice restaurant. I had a bug bite on my arm and evidently, I was scratching it while seated at the table. I did not know this was against the rules, but apparently scratching oneself in public is a huge no-no. So she pinches me on the thigh and I let out a yelp. Cause it hurt, dangit!

Her stare melted the ice in my water. When we got home, she told me that if I ever let out a scream like that in public again, she was going to give me something to scream about. I replied that she already did that and then...why I still do not know...proceeded to ask her how she would like it if I pinched her? She gave me that "I'm going to kill you now" stare and said "I wouldn't if I were you, young lady."   I just headed for my room as I knew before she even said anything that's where I was headed. I was just hoping I'd get there with my limbs intact.  Mom wasn't above slapping the crap out of us, but it had to be for something really big and I guess this didn't apply.  Whew.  I did, however, not get to go swimming at the neighbor's the next day.

Did ya'll know it was rude to scratch your arm in public? 

My butt, yes. My arm, no.

As my mother used to say, "You going to the movies or something? You're picking your seat."

[Green Eyed Lady]

Aug 19, 2016 15:28:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Aug 19, 2016 10:47:08 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I got in really big trouble over manners once. We were on vacation (staying at Grandma's house) and we went out to dinner at this fairly nice restaurant. I had a bug bite on my arm and evidently, I was scratching it while seated at the table. I did not know this was against the rules, but apparently scratching oneself in public is a huge no-no. So she pinches me on the thigh and I let out a yelp. Cause it hurt, dangit!

Her stare melted the ice in my water. When we got home, she told me that if I ever let out a scream like that in public again, she was going to give me something to scream about. I replied that she already did that and then...why I still do not know...proceeded to ask her how she would like it if I pinched her? She gave me that "I'm going to kill you now" stare and said "I wouldn't if I were you, young lady."   I just headed for my room as I knew before she even said anything that's where I was headed. I was just hoping I'd get there with my limbs intact.  Mom wasn't above slapping the crap out of us, but it had to be for something really big and I guess this didn't apply.  Whew.  I did, however, not get to go swimming at the neighbor's the next day.

Did ya'll know it was rude to scratch your arm in public? 

My butt, yes. My arm, no.

I did some quick research.  Seems Thyme kind of hit it on the head.  It seems that in the olden days, only the rich people took regular baths and had "people" to take care of their lice and other critter issues.  Therefore, if you scratched in public, it would alert those around you to the fact that you were so poor as to not be able to take care of these things.

[billisonboard]

I always appreciated it when I was made aware of my "deal breaker" behaviors. Once I found one I thought was actually worth changing for in an attempt to please but it ended up that I was never going to be good enough for her royal (pain in the) ass.

[ZaireinHD]

overall I am thankful she mentioned my behavior. when I do go out on a date. I make sure I order a messy meal. Spaghetti, BBQ something and use my utensils properly not to splash, splatter, and use fingers, with sucking or licking fingers clean from the sauce, and getting my clothes all messy. so when I am on an actual date from like Match.com I am more aware of my manors. (1) I know I do not put my utensils down. (2) no I do not talk with my mouth full - some food yes - but not full (3) yes when I am having spaghetti - I do use the spoon to twirl onto fork  (4) I don't agree with it but I am aware I do not put my elbows on the table. (5) because of the Seinfeld episode I do not dip an appetizer - take a bite and re-dip   

funny! also I don't like stealing or taking from someone's plate. I also don't ask - OHH can I get some of your... or can I try out some of your....

now if she offers? Zaire do you want to try this or do you want a bite of this.. sometimes yes and sometimes my answer is no.

[ZaireinHD]

Funny! let me spin mmHmm broken record before I can continue

Mar 19, 2016 15:42:15 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Zaire, you brought this to the boards. Nobody here solicited this information from you and those who have posted have tried to give you good advice. There is certainly no need for barbed sarcasm in response. If you don't wish to read comments on what you post here, it's probably best not to post personal issues of this nature. We have no need to know but we care enough about you to try to offer constructive advice where it seems to be needed.

Blah and Blah!

[ZaireinHD]

Aug 19, 2016 9:39:41 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

  The elbows on the table thing?  It results from eons ago when putting your elbows on the table and leaning on them could upset the table as it was usually a plank set across something like sawhorses and wasn't very sturdy.  I dont' think it really applies any longer, but I still wouldn't do it because it is still seen as ill-mannered and I don't want anyone to think I was born in a barn.

ya know! that makes since! I think I will challenge her on this. which I am so sure we will get a good laugh. because I will ask her WHY? why do you want me to keep my elbows off the table? and lets see what she will say.

too bad I have already been out again with her. and I made sure I followed her instructions. that would have been perfect time to have asked. but instead at check time I asked if she noticed my 'improved' table manor behavior? and said yes - she noticed

[ZaireinHD]

Aug 19, 2016 15:33:49 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I'm assuming this was a real friend who was trying to do you a favor because if it was a potential or a real girlfriend, this could be a deal breaker or a warning that she's had enough of your lack of manners. Embarrassing someone in public is a good way or making sure they aren't seen with you in public again. I wouldn't go out with someone after I went out with him two times and both times he embarrassed me by his behavior. I felt being seen with someone so ill bred reflected on me more than him. 

yea real friend I just met this year. I have mentioned to her that I will make corrections to other people. but other people will not tell me about corrections. what was my surprise was she mentioned this now? prior we have been out to lunches in and out of work. so did I not behave this way before? plus I thought maybe she could have been embarrassed from my lack of manors

Funny! OH task, task Zaire! such behavior will not be tolerated!

[zibazinski]

Well, at least you listened. Besides, wouldn't you rather know than she just stopped seeing you?

[andi9899]

I apparently have the worst table manners. I put my elbows on the table. I will steal a bite of your food. I will even burp. I'm an abomination.

[msventoux]

Just don't bottom burp. 

[andi9899]

Aug 19, 2016 23:31:42 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Just don't bottom burp. 

I only do that at home.

[msventoux]

Aug 19, 2016 23:33:03 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 19, 2016 23:31:42 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Just don't bottom burp. 

I only do that at home.

And now you'll have a dog you can blame it on. 

[andi9899]

Aug 19, 2016 23:34:33 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Aug 19, 2016 23:33:03 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I only do that at home.

And now you'll have a dog you can blame it on. 

Yeah. I'll have to stop blaming the children.

[NoNamePerson]

Aug 19, 2016 23:29:19 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I apparently have the worst table manners. I put my elbows on the table. I will steal a bite of your food. I will even burp. I'm an abomination.

A good burp saves wear and tear on the other end.  

[thyme4change]

Aug 19, 2016 15:37:03 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Aug 19, 2016 15:28:03 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

My butt, yes. My arm, no.

I did some quick research.  Seems Thyme kind of hit it on the head.  It seems that in the olden days, only the rich people took regular baths and had "people" to take care of their lice and other critter issues.  Therefore, if you scratched in public, it would alert those around you to the fact that you were so poor as to not be able to take care of these things.

So many of these things are totally outdated an unnecessary.  But uppity people just keep shaming the rest of us.  And, every generation there are less uppity people, and more jersey shore-type slobs.  Yeah!

[mroped]

Aug 19, 2016 12:12:43 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Manners aren't stupid and outdated.

So I'd take it you use a fork and knife to eat a drumstick?! [img]http://images.proboards.com/new/smiley.png[/img]

I DO follow all good table manners if I am with people that do the same but if I'm by myself I don't realy care.
In our area there are maybe 2-3 restaurants where one should use good table manners but very few people actually do so I'm just doing the exact thing they are doing as not to embarrass anyone or look pretentious.
Ofcourse I'm not gonna eat a steak with my bare hands but I'm not gonna try to pick the meat of a drumstick with my fork either. And I can't keep my elbows on the table even if I wanted to! That would mean my plate would be in the midle of the table.