toomuchreality
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hinting
Aug 26, 2016 1:25:39 GMT -5
Post by toomuchreality on Aug 26, 2016 1:25:39 GMT -5
I don't know, but I think some folks just don't have good communication skills, both talking and/or listening. Some people are very direct, yet others have no idea what they are saying. They hear what they want to hear, not the words that are actually said. I don't think it's always deliberate, sometimes just bad habits or inattention. Yikes! Hearing what you want to hear, is a REALLY bad habit, IMO! Why would anyone talk to them? I wouldn't talk very long, or often to a person that does this. What's the point? I agree. Some people don't have good communication skills.
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teen persuasion
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hinting
Aug 26, 2016 19:44:29 GMT -5
Post by teen persuasion on Aug 26, 2016 19:44:29 GMT -5
I tend to being very direct, asking for exactly what I want so there's no confusion. I try to frame requests in a positive manner, rather than negative: "Hold it carefully" rather than "Don't spill".
That said, I do "hint" in certain circumstances and with certain people. I hint to the kids to nudge them to do things they should learn to do autonomously. It's not a subtle hint, it's rather pointed, and often needs to be repeated a few times; I'm trying to get the not-quite-mature kids to do something automatically, not just when I specifically tell them to. E.g., "have you brushed your teeth yet?"
I will hint with DH, but it's more of an inside joke, downplaying a request from an order to a friendly nudge/reminder: "were you planning on putting your clothes away before bed?" Honestly, if he chooses not to do it, it is his problem, not mine, but we often remind each other of stuff in this way. I swear my mind is like a sieve lately.
And then there's dealing with patrons at work - can't always say exactly what you'd like to say. Patrons with extreme political or whatever views who want you to agree with them, I try to find some innocuous bit I can commiserate with. Clingy little ones w/o any adults present, who want to be entertained by me (or to "help" me), I try to redirect to some activity somewhere in another section. "Would you like to color a picture? We have crayons right back here!"
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zibazinski
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hinting
Aug 26, 2016 19:47:33 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 26, 2016 19:47:33 GMT -5
I tend to being very direct, asking for exactly what I want so there's no confusion. I try to frame requests in a positive manner, rather than negative: "Hold it carefully" rather than "Don't spill". That said, I do "hint" in certain circumstances and with certain people. I hint to the kids to nudge them to do things they should learn to do autonomously. It's not a subtle hint, it's rather pointed, and often needs to be repeated a few times; I'm trying to get the not-quite-mature kids to do something automatically, not just when I specifically tell them to. E.g., "have you brushed your teeth yet?" I will hint with DH, but it's more of an inside joke, downplaying a request from an order to a friendly nudge/reminder: "were you planning on putting your clothes away before bed?" Honestly, if he chooses not to do it, it is his problem, not mine, but we often remind each other of stuff in this way. I swear my mind is like a sieve lately. And then there's dealing with patrons at work - can't always say exactly what you'd like to say. Patrons with extreme political or whatever views who want you to agree with them, I try to find some innocuous bit I can commiserate with. Clingy little ones w/o any adults present, who want to be entertained by me (or to "help" me), I try to redirect to some activity somewhere in another section. "Would you like to color a picture? We have crayons right back here!" You're nicer than me. I tell them to go bother their parents!!
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teen persuasion
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hinting
Aug 26, 2016 19:49:34 GMT -5
Post by teen persuasion on Aug 26, 2016 19:49:34 GMT -5
Their parents aren't there, unfortunately. We've apparently become the village babysitting service. And first aid station.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Aug 27, 2016 6:35:23 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2016 6:35:23 GMT -5
? Well, the more direct approach might work as in "I'm working so you cannot bother me." Who lets their children bother other adults? Or not be watching them in a place where people are working?
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8 Bit WWBG
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hinting
Aug 27, 2016 9:47:24 GMT -5
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Aug 27, 2016 9:47:24 GMT -5
...:::"You need to get this shit under control or the rest of your life is going to be like this and once she has kids she can use against you, you're screwed. Plus, do you want a son or daughter thinking her or your behavior is normal?":::...
Rest easy YM. WWBG isn't breeding. The one this world already has is bad enough. I have no business creating more.
...:::"Think on that. She dishes it out and you take it. Way to lose a child's respect. It seems you've lost your wife's already or she wouldn't act this way.":::...
More true than not. Respect also goes two ways.
...:::"I don't think it's always deliberate, sometimes just bad habits or inattention.":::...
It's probably both. I try not to always assume malice, but habits only get broken when they don't work.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Aug 27, 2016 12:41:56 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2016 12:41:56 GMT -5
Amen. So break it or suffer with it or move on. I vote choice number one. I bet she would, too. Getting her ass dumped for playing immature childish games is hurtful.
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teen persuasion
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hinting
Aug 27, 2016 19:35:01 GMT -5
Post by teen persuasion on Aug 27, 2016 19:35:01 GMT -5
? Well, the more direct approach might work as in "I'm working so you cannot bother me." Who lets their children bother other adults? Or not be watching them in a place where people are working? Public library, Zib. Apparently mom is ok with 8 or 10 year old siblings taking 3 or 4 year old to the library for hours, and then ignoring the little one. But mom won't allow them to checkout any books, and they don't want to read them while they hang out. Since we might need to go to the public for a budget increase eventually, we can't just yell "Scram" even when we might be tempted to. We DO normally encourage patrons to come in frequently. They just picked the times we didn't have ANY children's programming running. Ignore the full library calendar all summer, but as soon as SRP ends then you want to be entertained.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Aug 27, 2016 20:16:58 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 27, 2016 20:16:58 GMT -5
Sad but I get it. It's actually against the law to do that but of course you can't call the cops on them. Mmm, maybe CPS? But they rat you out now I'm told. I don't know it for sure but one of my teacher friends says there's no anonymity now when you report something to them.
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Aug 28, 2016 9:48:23 GMT -5
Eh, school starts next week, that will limit the hours they can hang out, especially the little one. The HS and MS are within walking distance, but the ES is miles away, and those kids don't get back home until after 4pm.
If I can convince the director to start the kid's programs up soon after school starts, that will draw more kids in, but give them something to do. Conveniently away from my desk. Of course, director has to man those programs. I wonder if she's regretting taking Children's and Teen Programming away from me yet?
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zibazinski
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hinting
Aug 28, 2016 10:31:00 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 28, 2016 10:31:00 GMT -5
Do you want it back?
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Aug 28, 2016 10:52:19 GMT -5
...:::"Well, that's perfect. Of course this is when shit gets pulled because of course, you're trapped. But you actually aren't, you just think you are. ... You're only a victim if you allow it to happen.":::... I do get what you are getting at. The idea is to take away the power of the shit. Don't let the tantrum ruin the day. Don't let the sulking stray you from the path. Logistically it may have other challenges, but the root goal remains the same. I truly applaud anyone who has developed that "switch" that they can simply click off and stop caring. I mean it, I am envious. I've tried to develop it, but I still get bothered by nonsense. Those of you who can, were you always that way? How do you do it? Is it a tolerance you build up kind of like to spicy food? Or is one of those things you either can do or can't do? ETA: it's the same concept behind what I was quoted in post 49. The old "everything's fine" lie has zero power if it doesn't elicit the desired reaction. No, I don't hint. I'm straightforward but as tactful as the situation allows. It's worked well for me in the majority of cases. Those in which it didn't work are no longer a part of my life. I will not be manipulated. Question: If someone is sulking, what's wrong with letting that person sulk? It is, after all, that person's choice to sulk. Who am I to interfere with an individual's choice. If it's a tantrum that's noticeable to all in the area, that person is going to find him/herself very alone, very quickly. I just don't tolerate that behavior.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 28, 2016 18:44:19 GMT -5
...:::"Well, that's perfect. Of course this is when shit gets pulled because of course, you're trapped. But you actually aren't, you just think you are. ... You're only a victim if you allow it to happen.":::... I do get what you are getting at. The idea is to take away the power of the shit. Don't let the tantrum ruin the day. Don't let the sulking stray you from the path. Logistically it may have other challenges, but the root goal remains the same. I truly applaud anyone who has developed that "switch" that they can simply click off and stop caring. I mean it, I am envious. I've tried to develop it, but I still get bothered by nonsense. Those of you who can, were you always that way? How do you do it? Is it a tolerance you build up kind of like to spicy food? Or is one of those things you either can do or can't do? ETA: it's the same concept behind what I was quoted in post 49. The old "everything's fine" lie has zero power if it doesn't elicit the desired reaction. No, I don't hint. I'm straightforward but as tactful as the situation allows. It's worked well for me in the majority of cases. Those in which it didn't work are no longer a part of my life. I will not be manipulated. Question: If someone is sulking, what's wrong with letting that person sulk? It is, after all, that person's choice to sulk. Who am I to interfere with an individual's choice. If it's a tantrum that's noticeable to all in the area, that person is going to find him/herself very alone, very quickly. I just don't tolerate that behavior. I agree 100%. If you allow it (tolerate it), you will continue to get it. If a person values you/your company and you don't tolerate it, they will stop doing it. It's not something that you can 'sort of' put up with and expect it to stop. It won't.
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tyfighter3
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hinting
Sept 4, 2016 0:25:49 GMT -5
Post by tyfighter3 on Sept 4, 2016 0:25:49 GMT -5
The purist form of hinting. LOL
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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hinting
Sept 4, 2016 8:40:08 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 4, 2016 8:40:08 GMT -5
The purist form of hinting. LOL Love this cover!!
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teen persuasion
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hinting
Sept 4, 2016 11:05:27 GMT -5
Post by teen persuasion on Sept 4, 2016 11:05:27 GMT -5
Only if they double my hours - I've got all the tech stuff, all the cataloging/processing, around the normal circ duties keeping the place open. DH probably wouldn't like that, though. We really need 2 people working most of the time (one at the desk, one for OTHER STUFF), and officially there are 2 scheduled on weekdays, but director is frequently not on site for a variety of reasons (vacation, sick, out-reach, meetings at central, meetings with community groups, errands...) so I work alone 3 out of my 5 days (2 evenings, one Saturday) and 50-75% of the hours on other 2 weekdays. New director needs to just handle director duties, and pass off program duties to other staff. She's juggling so many chainsaws (of her own design) she's always playing catchup instead of planning ahead. She was still waiting for confirmation booking an outside performer as school ended, so SRP summer event calendars weren't available until mid July. Our best promotion of SRP is to get calendars passed out thru the schools before they let out. Many assumed we had nothing planned; I couldn't even verbally talk it up, since I didn't know the plans, either. So its a vicious cycle - poor attendance due to little/late promotion, fewer future interested patrons coming in to learn about other programs or spreading info word of mouth, stop offering events if not worth the effort, fewer patrons visit, circs plummet.
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8 Bit WWBG
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hinting
Sept 7, 2016 11:19:12 GMT -5
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 7, 2016 11:19:12 GMT -5
It's also worth mentioning that the other person is ALWAYS in the wrong to people like that. They are 100% justified in whatever they are upset about, and the fact that the others don't get that just means they are deserving of that ire.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Sept 8, 2016 4:09:42 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 8, 2016 4:09:42 GMT -5
You knew this was a bad idea going into it. We all told you. But you did it anyway. What did you expect? Cut your losses or learn to live with it or try to fix it. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Sept 8, 2016 4:10:51 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 8, 2016 4:10:51 GMT -5
Frankly, you're an affair waiting to happen.
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8 Bit WWBG
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hinting
Sept 16, 2016 16:24:29 GMT -5
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 16, 2016 16:24:29 GMT -5
Holy shit.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Sept 16, 2016 16:40:19 GMT -5
Post by zibazinski on Sept 16, 2016 16:40:19 GMT -5
Let's see. Pressured into a marriage, complaining before said marriage, not happy being married, not appreciated ( that's a big one right there ). Maybe not now or in the near future but it's inevitable unless you both get to work on it. Or you can be like DH, unhappy for years but sucking it up until his ex had enough of his resentment and absence, fooled around and divorced him.
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8 Bit WWBG
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hinting
Sept 16, 2016 21:01:53 GMT -5
Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 16, 2016 21:01:53 GMT -5
Eh, I'm not going to get into a whole thing here. I hope whatever you are upset about works out.
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zibazinski
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hinting
Sept 17, 2016 7:16:06 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 17, 2016 7:16:06 GMT -5
I'm only repeating what you yourself have posted over the years. Not once have you ever said anything nice about your wife, before or after marriage.
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