Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 12:06:29 GMT -5
Do you have an archenemy?
Mine is my boyfriend's ex. I don't know why because she cheated on him and broke up with him.
My older sister doesn't like me either.
That's all I can think of.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jul 15, 2016 12:25:48 GMT -5
If you have no contact with your BF's ex and if she has had no personal impact on you, how can she be YOUR archenemy? Your BF's maybe, but yours?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 12:33:27 GMT -5
No. I used to absolutely LOATHE my ex husband's girlfriend...for several years. To me, she was the embodiment of years and pain and struggling for me. I mean, I don't think I would have actually killed her, but if I were to have witnessed her getting hit by a bus, I wouldn't have called 911 and instead just kept on walking. Then at some point I realized I was just wearing myself out with the hate and it was making me feel ugly so I set it aside. These days I wouldn't say we're friends, but in a way we're kind of family, which I know sounds weird, but she is. I even babysit their kids so they can go on dates. If you would have told me 10 years ago I would be doing that I would have looked like this ---->
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 15, 2016 12:44:16 GMT -5
I don't have any archenemies. Waaaaaaaay too much work and too much emotional baggage. I don't need to spend my precious days being robbed of peace of mind.
If there's someone I dislike intensely or who treats me badly I cut them out of my life and move on. I detest relationship drama.
Life's too short to allow horrible people to take up space in your brain and your heart.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jul 15, 2016 13:06:53 GMT -5
yeah, I'm too lazy to have or to even be an archenemy - it sounds like a big time/energy commitment.
But, then, I'm not forced to be around someone I loathe (or am wildly jealous of) 24/7 (or something close to that). Since I have a lot of control over the amounts of time/dealings with people who I don't particularly like or who are just annoying/tiring/combative I don't feel the need to go out of my way to antagonize them. If I have to be around them - I usually do my best to overcome my old bad 'knee jerk reactions' to their button pushing. I don't want to be a Puppet on a String - I'm the boss of me. I like to think of the encounters with them as "training/skill building for me to become a better person". I'd rather just do my best to maintain my personal integrity and get thru whatever social/work occasion I have to get thru. I've only known one person who was truly Evil (with a capital E) who would go out of their way to make someone look bad or who would be down right cruel to someone they didn't like and after experiencing years of Anger (maybe hatred) for this person - I now have nothing but pity for this unhappy wretch and the horrible awful life they were leading (and probably still are). I can't imagine what happened to them to make them so angry, hateful, and vindictive towards people they barely knew - or maybe people they just had to deal with on an impersonal basis (like a check out clerk or someone in front of you in line). Evil - they were just Evil.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 13:14:22 GMT -5
If you have no contact with your BF's ex and if she has had no personal impact on you, how can she be YOUR archenemy? Your BF's maybe, but yours? Maybe I used the wrong word.
archenemy: a person who is extremely hostile or opposed to someone or something.
My boyfriend's ex is extremely hostile to me. We live in a small town and she will approach me and say cruel things. If I see her first, I pretend I don't know her. If I see her car somewhere, I won't go there.
My sister does not like anything I do and lets me know it. We don't live near each other so it's not too bad. When we are together I usually say or do the wrong thing. I don't even dress right.
There is no one I am hostile or opposed to. If I don't like something, I ignore it.
What would the correct word be?
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 15, 2016 13:20:56 GMT -5
I have 3 terrible SILs (well 2 terrible and 1 that I have issues with). It is funny because I grew up in a large extended family where no one had more than 1 girl. Since I never had a sister and no one that I was close to had one, I thought it would be cool when I got a sister-in-law. I have 2 brothers.
SIL#1 is my DH's sister. She and DH never got along, at one point they were on speaking terms to plan parents 50th wedding anniversary, but then she and DH had a falling out at FILs death. They had a huge fight over FILs hunting rifle and neither of them hunt (we have it)
SIL#2 is married to my brother #1. Well technically still married, but they have not lived together for the last 18 years, and she has lived with several different boyfriends. She pretty much left raising their 2 boys to my brother. For some reason they won't divorce - there are no money issues, they both make good money and live on their own. At one point brother said he was filing papers when youngest turned 18, but youngest is almost 20. I don't think I have seen her in 18 years (thankfully).
SIL#3 is married to brother #2 and is the least bad of all of them. We can be cordial, but have different views on just about everything. She is just very opionionated on everything and has a hard time getting along with others. She works in construction industry but can never keep a job for more than 2 years - she pretty much wears out her welcome after some time.
And as long as I stay married to DH, I have no other opportunities for a good SIL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 13:23:57 GMT -5
Ok, well if we're talking people that hate me. Nope. I don't think anyone gives me that much thought these days. Good or bad. If they do, they don't express it.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 15, 2016 14:16:14 GMT -5
I have 3 terrible SILs (well 2 terrible and 1 that I have issues with). It is funny because I grew up in a large extended family where no one had more than 1 girl. Since I never had a sister and no one that I was close to had one, I thought it would be cool when I got a sister-in-law. I have 2 brothers. SIL#1 is my DH's sister. She and DH never got along, at one point they were on speaking terms to plan parents 50th wedding anniversary, but then she and DH had a falling out at FILs death. They had a huge fight over FILs hunting rifle and neither of them hunt (we have it) SIL#2 is married to my brother #1. Well technically still married, but they have not lived together for the last 18 years, and she has lived with several different boyfriends. She pretty much left raising their 2 boys to my brother. For some reason they won't divorce - there are no money issues, they both make good money and live on their own. At one point brother said he was filing papers when youngest turned 18, but youngest is almost 20. I don't think I have seen her in 18 years (thankfully). SIL#3 is married to brother #2 and is the least bad of all of them. We can be cordial, but have different views on just about everything. She is just very opionionated on everything and has a hard time getting along with others. She works in construction industry but can never keep a job for more than 2 years - she pretty much wears out her welcome after some time. And as long as I stay married to DH, I have no other opportunities for a good SIL. Tell him to get on it. If he dies, she gets everything as the widow. That's how it worked out for my DH and his siblings when their dad died. Their parents hadn't been together in ages and now MIL has the house she walked away from and left in foreclosure (with some of her kids still living there with her SIL) and their dad saved. Her BF (now husband though) got their Dad's pickup truck and was actually talking about what he wanted to do with it the very same day FIL died. (That one ticked them off even worse than the house I think.) I don't have a clue if it'd work out the same for your brother but I wouldn't chance it if I were him.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 15, 2016 14:17:16 GMT -5
There are people in this world I wouldn't pee on if they were on fire, but I don't waste a lot of time and energy in the hating of them. If someone feels the same about me, I don't care.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jul 15, 2016 14:35:16 GMT -5
It took me a long time to be okay with the notion that I simply can't please everyone on this planet. Some folks seem to have unspoken -- maybe even secret -- expectations that, because I don't know about them, I fail to meet and that seems to set them off. I am now comfortable enough in my own skin to simply not care. I genuinely try not to hurt folks or get in their way, but there are definitely people who can't do the same in return. Life is too short to get caught up in other people's manufactured drama that they try to ensnare me in. I just keep doing my own thing and let them waste their own precious time on this rock carrying their misguided disappointment in me to their graves.
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mroped
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Post by mroped on Jul 15, 2016 14:47:06 GMT -5
Hating someone or giving into their hate and machinations is just a waste of time! If I wanna be mad at something I just go and split some big stones just for the hell of it. Later I might be able to use those pieces for something even if it is landfill.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 15, 2016 15:17:28 GMT -5
I have 3 terrible SILs (well 2 terrible and 1 that I have issues with). It is funny because I grew up in a large extended family where no one had more than 1 girl. Since I never had a sister and no one that I was close to had one, I thought it would be cool when I got a sister-in-law. I have 2 brothers. SIL#1 is my DH's sister. She and DH never got along, at one point they were on speaking terms to plan parents 50th wedding anniversary, but then she and DH had a falling out at FILs death. They had a huge fight over FILs hunting rifle and neither of them hunt (we have it) SIL#2 is married to my brother #1. Well technically still married, but they have not lived together for the last 18 years, and she has lived with several different boyfriends. She pretty much left raising their 2 boys to my brother. For some reason they won't divorce - there are no money issues, they both make good money and live on their own. At one point brother said he was filing papers when youngest turned 18, but youngest is almost 20. I don't think I have seen her in 18 years (thankfully). SIL#3 is married to brother #2 and is the least bad of all of them. We can be cordial, but have different views on just about everything. She is just very opionionated on everything and has a hard time getting along with others. She works in construction industry but can never keep a job for more than 2 years - she pretty much wears out her welcome after some time. And as long as I stay married to DH, I have no other opportunities for a good SIL. Tell him to get on it. If he dies, she gets everything as the widow. That's how it worked out for my DH and his siblings when their dad died. Their parents hadn't been together in ages and now MIL has the house she walked away from and left in foreclosure (with some of her kids still living there with her SIL) and their dad saved. Her BF (now husband though) got their Dad's pickup truck and was actually talking about what he wanted to do with it the very same day FIL died. (That one ticked them off even worse than the house I think.) I don't have a clue if it'd work out the same for your brother but I wouldn't chance it if I were him. I think my mother tells him every day! Has been for the last 15 years or so. For one thing, as long as you are still legally married, he may still be liable for any debts she runs up or taxes that she doesn't pay. Inheritance is another thing. File the papers and be done with her!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 15, 2016 15:20:03 GMT -5
Tell him to get on it. If he dies, she gets everything as the widow. That's how it worked out for my DH and his siblings when their dad died. Their parents hadn't been together in ages and now MIL has the house she walked away from and left in foreclosure (with some of her kids still living there with her SIL) and their dad saved. Her BF (now husband though) got their Dad's pickup truck and was actually talking about what he wanted to do with it the very same day FIL died. (That one ticked them off even worse than the house I think.) I don't have a clue if it'd work out the same for your brother but I wouldn't chance it if I were him. I think my mother tells him every day! Has been for the last 15 years or so. For one thing, as long as you are still legally married, he may still be liable for any debts she runs up or taxes that she doesn't pay. Inheritance is another thing. File the papers and be done with her! AMEN!! DH and his siblings didn't think Mom would do that to them and she did. She told them a lot that she wouldn't but she did.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jul 15, 2016 16:41:42 GMT -5
It took me a long time to be okay with the notion that I simply can't please everyone on this planet. Some folks seem to have unspoken -- maybe even secret -- expectations that, because I don't know about them, I fail to meet and that seems to set them off. I am now comfortable enough in my own skin to simply not care. I genuinely try not to hurt folks or get in their way, but there are definitely people who can't do the same in return. Life is too short to get caught up in other people's manufactured drama that they try to ensnare me in. I just keep doing my own thing and let them waste their own precious time on this rock carrying their misguided disappointment in me to their graves. I need to start doing that with someone.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 15, 2016 16:58:43 GMT -5
I can't think of anybody that fits that description. There are people that don't care for me and people I don't care for and don't like to be around though. I try very hard to live with the following philosophy below. I really should study Buddhism but I just don't have the temperament to live that way 24/7 because people can be so annoying and I have anger issues. Freedom is my goal in most areas of life but I won't be completely free as I love my possessions. “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 15, 2016 17:51:08 GMT -5
I can't think of anybody that fits that description. There are people that don't care for me and people I don't care for and don't like to be around though. I try very hard to live with the following philosophy below. I really should study Buddhism but I just don't have the temperament to live that way 24/7 because people can be so annoying and I have anger issues. Freedom is my goal in most areas of life but I won't be completely free as I love my possessions. “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh Look into Baha'i or Unitarian
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jul 15, 2016 19:22:59 GMT -5
Those who unjustly accuse or attack me. Toxic people.
A friend who I trusted with my most deepest hurts and problems while she protected me from others who put me down has now turned on me. Spreading falsehoods trying to camouflage her "dear" friend's soiled reputation from 10-year affair with my H. She cannot see that while she is doing talking, she is the one spreading nastiness on her "dear" friend.
Sometimes I think people have lost their minds. One is a widow and the other has MS. Both of those conditions cause mental problems from what I have observed.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 15, 2016 23:13:27 GMT -5
No. I used to absolutely LOATHE my ex husband's girlfriend...for several years. To me, she was the embodiment of years and pain and struggling for me. I mean, I don't think I would have actually killed her, but if I were to have witnessed her getting hit by a bus, I wouldn't have called 911 and instead just kept on walking. Then at some point I realized I was just wearing myself out with the hate and it was making me feel ugly so I set it aside. These days I wouldn't say we're friends, but in a way we're kind of family, which I know sounds weird, but she is. I even babysit their kids so they can go on dates. If you would have told me 10 years ago I would be doing that I would have looked like this ----> One thing I've learned about hate is that it takes a lot of emotional energy, and, ultimately, serves no real purpose. In the end, it just hurts you and not them.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jul 15, 2016 23:23:40 GMT -5
If you have no contact with your BF's ex and if she has had no personal impact on you, how can she be YOUR archenemy? Your BF's maybe, but yours? Maybe I used the wrong word.
archenemy: a person who is extremely hostile or opposed to someone or something.
My boyfriend's ex is extremely hostile to me. We live in a small town and she will approach me and say cruel things. If I see her first, I pretend I don't know her. If I see her car somewhere, I won't go there.
My sister does not like anything I do and lets me know it. We don't live near each other so it's not too bad. When we are together I usually say or do the wrong thing. I don't even dress right.
There is no one I am hostile or opposed to. If I don't like something, I ignore it.
What would the correct word be?
I'd call the people in your life "toxic". To me, archenemy is someone who is out to get you no matter what. They are willing to go out of their way to 'get back at you' they spend a lot of time plotting how they will achieve this. They watch, wait, and plot. Someone's who's toxic is kind of like that - but their response to you is more of a "reaction" or a "knee jerk reaction" to the button they let you push. For example: you are going on a cruise in the middle of the cold gray winter and it sounds like you will be having TONS of fun. You are excited about going and can't wait! You tell people you are excited. A "Toxic" person will 'rain on your parade' - they will make snide remarks about how they hope you don't fall off the ship or get a norovirus. They'll be jealous and wonder out loud how you can afford the cruise OR will say negative things about the clothes you will be wearing while on the cruise. An Archenemy will book themselves onto the SAME cruise and will try to one-up everything you do while on the cruise. If they can't get onto the same cruise they will find some other vacation kind of thing to do that's BETTER than what you are doing and will do everything in their power to prove to anyone who will listen that your vacation is vapid and stupid but their's is so much more meaningful and better.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 16, 2016 2:10:13 GMT -5
Mine is my EX. It just kills him that I'm not broke and I still find him repugnant. DD likes to push us together and although there are some things I realize I'll be forced to see him at, im not letting her or anyone else make me be around him.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jul 16, 2016 3:04:44 GMT -5
My oldest niece I don't like at all, but I just ignore her. She joined the Mormon church when she was 14 and since then has been a judgemental person. She told me once I shouldn't live with a man I wasn't married to yet it was ok for her to sleep with her boyfriend because they were engaged. She married a preachers son and they spend all their time with the people from the church. She takes in foster children and adopts them but it feels more like she is doing it to have people tell her she is wonderful or maybe for the money. She refused to answer the phone for mom or visit her or anything for years, mom even wrote begging but she wouldn't tell her why. Then at mom's funeral she tells me mom was a racist and she didn't want her kids near her. She showed up with all the kids when mom was on hospice and left a foster kid crying in the van in front of the house. The hospice lady saw it and called my SIL who was on her way home. When confronted she said it was only a foster kid. I ignore her except enough to not be terribly rude like I invited everyone to dinner with e-invite then followed up with everyone else reminding them and didn't remind her. I never comment on her facebook post but we are facebook friends.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jul 16, 2016 4:46:48 GMT -5
One of my sister in laws and I rub each other wrong, but I wouldn't call her an archenemy. I know that I intimidate her and I know that she irritates me, but we do try to get along. It's just that every attempt at contact ends up exacerbating our incompatibility. I think we would both prefer to be on better terms but it is like oil and water.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 16, 2016 12:03:16 GMT -5
I like Tiny's use of the word "toxic" rather than "archenemy," perhaps because it is less agressive.
My dear friend's ex-wife is toxic. Cheated on him for months, walked out on him, the kids, her family, her life, her job - everything - to be with the boyfriend, only to have the boyfriend her as soon as she showed up, baggage in hand. When she did wind up with custody of the kids, the eldest (her daughter from an earlier marriage) got into all kinds of trouble; fortunately, my friend stepped in (he felt he had to, since he was the only dad she'd ever really known) and got her on the right path.
To this day, TEW (toxic ex-wife) has never explained or apologized for any hurt or pain she has caused anyone, not even to her own brothers (she left town without ever telling them), longtime (now former) friends or her surviving child (one has since passed away).
I don't get it. How do you leave so much emotional trash in your wake and just keep going? I have never figured it out.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Jul 16, 2016 15:34:08 GMT -5
I must have a boring life. I can think of no enemies or archenemies. ETA: Or, I am just oblivious.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jul 16, 2016 17:01:27 GMT -5
I got no time for that!
I am always amazed at friends on Facebook talking about "haters" "haters this" "haters that". I must be really boring because I cannot name 1 single hater!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2016 18:03:38 GMT -5
Nope, not on my part because it takes too much energy. Some folks may consider me their enemy as a result of the civic association stuff I'm involved in, but that's their problem, not mine.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 16, 2016 18:26:39 GMT -5
I have had several over the years, but somehow they have all been fired and I have managed to survive all the cuts. At least at this job - maybe someone still laughs how I got the boot at other places I have worked.
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sparks2710
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Post by sparks2710 on Jul 16, 2016 22:41:38 GMT -5
The toxic person in my life is my future MIL. This woman is just plain evil. At the beginning I ignored her behavior, but as time progresses on I am finally standing up for myself. I recently deleted her and her husband from my Facebook, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've always wanted a great relationship with my in-laws, but I realize that will never happen with this woman. I hate turmoil and drama in my life and I am taking a stand to remove those toxic to me from my life.
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zibazinski
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archenemy
Jul 17, 2016 4:12:53 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by zibazinski on Jul 17, 2016 4:12:53 GMT -5
Do board stalkers count?
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