Politically_Incorrect12
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Post by Politically_Incorrect12 on Apr 16, 2016 11:46:36 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2016 12:14:03 GMT -5
There was a parent the other day arrested and charged with neglect for leaving a 12 year old alone in a car for 30 minutes. When I was 12 me a a friend planned out a 50 mile bike ride to his sisters house. He was 13, I was 12. The world probably is a bit safer but more unhealthy.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Apr 16, 2016 12:51:37 GMT -5
I love that article. I am not quite totally old school parent but pretty close.
When I started kindergarten (late 60s) I had to walk 1/2 mile to school and cross busy street. My mom didn't want me to go by myself so she had me walk with neighbor boy who was a first grader!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 16, 2016 13:00:16 GMT -5
If I let my 8 and 9 year old walk a few blocks alone, people freak the fuck right out.
yes, we are getting a raw deal.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Apr 16, 2016 13:40:39 GMT -5
I remember getting lost on the walk home from kindergarten and being more embarrassed than afraid, and the only thing that I was really afraid of was not being able to walk home from school any more. I was really enjoying being able to investigate roadkill and other decomposing things without my mom getting upset and dragging me away, and now that was gonna be taken away.
It turned out to be a false alarm. The very next day, I was sent off to school on my own with instructions that contained slightly more landmarks. Twenty years later, my mom claimed that she followed me to school that day and enlisted a few older kids to steer me to school and back for the rest of the fall but I don't remember being tailed or steered. I remember kids older than me being bad and turning over the roadkill and being afraid that if my mom found out about this she'd either start walking me to school or make me walk with the other girls.
I think that the kids are getting screwed. I'll bet that most of them can't name a dozen North American mammals or birds and are way behind the curve on mammalian and avian anatomy.
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Politically_Incorrect12
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Post by Politically_Incorrect12 on Apr 16, 2016 15:05:05 GMT -5
If I let my 8 and 9 year old walk a few blocks alone, people freak the fuck right out.
yes, we are getting a raw deal. I think the bolded portion is a lot of the reason for the change over the years...to the point that people are afraid of CPS being called for letting their kids do anything. It even extends to schools and getting all freaked out about things like dodge ball or army men as toys, to the point that I have to wonder what kind of childhood those in power had that encouraged them to make these changes. I don't know when the change happened exactly or really why, but it is odd how we live in a society with more ways to keep tabs on our kids and yet let them do less.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2016 15:14:34 GMT -5
When I was 7 or 8, I walked home in the rain and laid my pants on the heater to dry. They caught fire and I threw them into the bath tub to put them out. When I was maybe 11 I hitchhiked to town about 5 miles away. Some guy picked me up and told me I was a natural body builder and had me take off my shirt. Nothing came of it, but who knows why. Some of the things back then were dangerous, but I think we have gone too far in the other direction.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 16, 2016 15:29:27 GMT -5
I don't blame my kids for not wanting kids. You need to keep them in car seats until they're practically adults. They can't ride their bikes without someone interrogating them as to where an adult is. I left my kids in the car and ran inside the store to pick something up. All of us were happier. Now I'd be in trouble. It's ridiculous. There's enough crap parents out there that should be harassed that to concentrate on those that aren't just seems lazy on social workers parts.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2016 16:07:47 GMT -5
We begged to sit in the car rather than having to traverse the entire grocery store. The cars weren't even air conditioned, but the windows cranked down. If it really got hot, you sat under a nearby tree under the shade, making certain you were close enough not to be accused of wandering "away."
I, too, walked to school a few miles away. A whole group of neighborhood kids did.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 16, 2016 16:25:27 GMT -5
I remember getting lost on the walk home from kindergarten and being more embarrassed than afraid, and the only thing that I was really afraid of was not being able to walk home from school any more. I was really enjoying being able to investigate roadkill and other decomposing things without my mom getting upset and dragging me away, and now that was gonna be taken away. It turned out to be a false alarm. The very next day, I was sent off to school on my own with instructions that contained slightly more landmarks. Twenty years later, my mom claimed that she followed me to school that day and enlisted a few older kids to steer me to school and back for the rest of the fall but I don't remember being tailed or steered. I remember kids older than me being bad and turning over the roadkill and being afraid that if my mom found out about this she'd either start walking me to school or make me walk with the other girls. I think that the kids are getting screwed. I'll bet that most of them can't name a dozen North American mammals or birds and are way behind the curve on mammalian and avian anatomy. Walking home from kindergarten one day, I was hit by a car. The driver didn't brake soon enough. I lived.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 16, 2016 16:54:13 GMT -5
OK, so this is nothing new. We know that parents are screwed and kids are screwed. Everyone is screwed. So, who is doing the screwing? And when and how did it start?
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Apr 16, 2016 17:03:08 GMT -5
I remember getting lost on the walk home from kindergarten and being more embarrassed than afraid, and the only thing that I was really afraid of was not being able to walk home from school any more. I was really enjoying being able to investigate roadkill and other decomposing things without my mom getting upset and dragging me away, and now that was gonna be taken away. It turned out to be a false alarm. The very next day, I was sent off to school on my own with instructions that contained slightly more landmarks. Twenty years later, my mom claimed that she followed me to school that day and enlisted a few older kids to steer me to school and back for the rest of the fall but I don't remember being tailed or steered. I remember kids older than me being bad and turning over the roadkill and being afraid that if my mom found out about this she'd either start walking me to school or make me walk with the other girls. I think that the kids are getting screwed. I'll bet that most of them can't name a dozen North American mammals or birds and are way behind the curve on mammalian and avian anatomy. Walking home from kindergarten one day, I was hit by a car. The driver didn't brake soon enough. I lived. Sorry but that struck my funny bone.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2016 19:50:23 GMT -5
When I was 7 or 8, I walked home in the rain and laid my pants on the heater to dry. They caught fire and I threw them into the bath tub to put them out. When I was maybe 11 I hitchhiked to town about 5 miles away. Some guy picked me up and told me I was a natural body builder and had me take off my shirt. Nothing came of it, but who knows why. Some of the things back then were dangerous, but I think we have gone too far in the other direction. Yeah. I was best friends with the school janitor in first grade. My father had died, and he was willing to talk to me/listen to me. I still remember going to school one day when I was sick, throwing up (which means he had to clean it up), and him telling me--really kindly--to go back home and tell my mother I was sick. Like your situation, that was a recipe for danger, but it didn't turn out that way. I suspect today that if a janitor was as nice to a little first grader as mine was to me, he would be arrested or fired. And yet he did nothing except be nice to a lost little girl.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Apr 16, 2016 20:18:38 GMT -5
When I was 7 or 8, I walked home in the rain and laid my pants on the heater to dry. They caught fire and I threw them into the bath tub to put them out. When I was maybe 11 I hitchhiked to town about 5 miles away. Some guy picked me up and told me I was a natural body builder and had me take off my shirt. Nothing came of it, but who knows why. Some of the things back then were dangerous, but I think we have gone too far in the other direction. Oh geez, I think this is exhibit a on why I keep my kids on a short leash. 'Hey, take your shirt off, you look like a natural bodybuilder. Oh by the way, did I ever show you the cool scar I have down by my crotch'
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Apr 16, 2016 20:20:08 GMT -5
As for the article, I don't think we are getting a raw deal. Parents in the 50's to 70's were just lazy. There was no grand plan there.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 16, 2016 20:33:46 GMT -5
I don't think they were lazy. I think they just didn't make their kids the focus of be all and end all. Which was good for all concerned.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Apr 16, 2016 20:34:32 GMT -5
This question was posted in Slate's Dear Prudence column this week
Dear Prudence,
I have a 4-year-old daughter who attends a neighborhood preschool. My neighbor has offered to walk my daughter with hers to school. I have taken her up on the offer a couple of times, but she is a “free range” parent and will let the little ones walk a good 20 to 30 feet in front of her. While I am not a helicopter parent, I think it’s dangerous not to have someone under the age of 6 walk right with you. I want to say something, but I am not sure how. Help!
Serious helicopter parent there!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 16, 2016 20:39:24 GMT -5
This question was posted in Slate's Dear Prudence column this week Dear Prudence,
I have a 4-year-old daughter who attends a neighborhood preschool. My neighbor has offered to walk my daughter with hers to school. I have taken her up on the offer a couple of times, but she is a “free range” parent and will let the little ones walk a good 20 to 30 feet in front of her. While I am not a helicopter parent, I think it’s dangerous not to have someone under the age of 6 walk right with you. I want to say something, but I am not sure how. Help!Serious helicopter parent there! Depends on the kid. I could trust DS not to be stupid and dart out in front of a car. DD? I swear she'd still do it!!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2016 20:39:43 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Apr 16, 2016 20:54:39 GMT -5
I would be in prison based on the way my son was raised. Geeze, he had a key on a chain around his neck in 4th grade and came home to empty house as I worked full time then. But I had super neighbors that knew he was on his own. He rode school bus with other kids on our street. He had to call me the minute he walked in the door. He had to let me know if he was headed up the street to another house. If he was invited to go somewhere with other kids, their Mom called me for permission.
Should say that this was a street (cul de sac) with only 7 houses and everyone on the street knew each other. The kids all played ball, etc. together and at the time I was the only one who worked.
I guess today I would be turned in and kiddo taken away.
Would I do it in todays climate - probably not but not from fear of the law - things are just really different. Hell, I probably wouldn't even know my neighbors this day and age. Everyone is on the run and have so much going on I feel sad for the lack of community for lack of a better way of say it.
But heck it's the way of the times and every generation had/has all kinds of changes that evolve. And for the most part kids survive and grow up to be productive adults in spit of it.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 16, 2016 21:18:58 GMT -5
We have literally turned adults into infants in our society. Perpetual infants, babies, and adolescents in adult bodies. It's sad, pathetic and disgusting. So little is required of them that over time, they feel that nothing should ever be required of them. Our modern lifestyles, however, make i harder to be that kind of parent. We are all running so fast. Mostly of our own choosing, but you sign up for a thing or two and pretty soon you are going nonstop. It becomes a treadmill that goes faster and faster and taking care of chores and the home become the easy thing to put on the back burner. We need to require more. But, they have so much that is required in schools that they are pressed upon that there is little time to learn the art of life, of taking care of yourself, your home, your surroundings and making the world a better place. We are more concerned with getting that grade to get into some prestigious college or their lives are over.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Apr 17, 2016 5:20:14 GMT -5
I was just thinking yesterday:
By the time DD1 was 11 (1986 ish) she had been to 7 day girl scout away camp several times. I have grands from 7 to 11 who have NEVER been to day camp let alone away camp. NOTE: I SOOO wanted 'alone' time that DD2 got sent to a 4 or 5 day away camp at about 6 y/o while DD1 was also away.
Current grands do go to various activities/sport programs all year long but nothing away.
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Apr 17, 2016 9:54:50 GMT -5
Yeah, I wonder what my life as a kid would be like today. When I was a kid, Saturday mornings I remember watching about 3+ hours of cartoons, but then I would just jump out the front door and play with friends for the rest of the day. I didn't have a phone, my parents never really knew where I was at any given moment, and I wouldn't show back up until dark (which in summer was like 8:30-9:00 at night). I have to wonder if they were ever freaking out about me (because they are worriers) but if they were, they never showed it.
No one ever wore bike helmets or knee pads when skateboarding. I remember one knee or the other would be perpetually covered in those big band-aids because I fell off my bike and skinned my knee, or slid into first base with shorts on, or some other crazy thing. I remember having to dig splinters out of my hands after playing in the park because the playground equipment was made of wood.
We would ride our bikes to the movie rental store downtown pretty much every other day. It wasn't too dangerous of a ride, but we would always take a short cut down a steep hill into the Country Kitchen parking lot. I was scared every time I went down that hill, and some of the band-aids were probably required because of it
None of that shit could happen today
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2016 11:07:07 GMT -5
I think so and the kids are too.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 17, 2016 13:05:38 GMT -5
It amuses me that the older generations can say in one breath, to enjoy every minute because it goes by so fast- and then next that we hover and cater to our kids too much. Okay.
I'm also pretty sure every generation has complained about the next generations since the beginning of time. It's one of those "you know when you're getting old" things.
My dad lives in another state and never really understood what I meant by my babies and toddlers cry the entire time on long car rides. He raised us and we always slept in the car. Then, I took the flight that was $200x3 less but an almost 2 hour drive from him (his idea) and sure enough- she screamed the entire 2 hours. He gets it now. We were little, we could crawl around and lay down and get comfortable in the car. Kids can't now, so sleep isn't a given. He told me the other day, that he's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to follow the law. Ok, dad- good thing you're not raising children today, you would have been caught eventually and arrested- just like the parents who let their kids walk alone, sit in the car alone and go home alone.
And, yeah, grade school children can't walk to school unless they are escorted by an adult.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 17, 2016 13:14:50 GMT -5
And, yes- I do think we're getting a raw deal. We have to hear endless comments about how it was "back in my day" and how we're doing it all wrong. If I'm grumpy about it, I just got a big earful from my in laws yesterday. Times have changed, laws have changed and parents have to adapt. We all do the best we can.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2016 13:44:55 GMT -5
I remember when my kids were little--mid '80s--we went to a small, country church. Kids and mothers of small children got to go first at potlucks. The older adults reminded us that when they were young, kids went last and ate whatever the adults left. They thought we were spoiling our kids. These were the same adults that thought it was shameful to have a church nursery. From the time they were babies, kids learned to sit in church and behave.
I get some of this from DH who grew up on a dairy farm. He stopped being a child when he was five. Even kids that young were expected to do real work. He firmly believed that you didn't hang a Christmas socking after you were eight years old.
I don't think our parents were lazy. Their lives just didn't center on us.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Apr 17, 2016 13:59:29 GMT -5
It amuses me that the older generations can say in one breath, to enjoy every minute because it goes by so fast- and then next that we hover and cater to our kids too much. Okay. I'm also pretty sure every generation has complained about the next generations since the beginning of time. It's one of those "you know when you're getting old" things. My dad lives in another state and never really understood what I meant by my babies and toddlers cry the entire time on long car rides. He raised us and we always slept in the car. Then, I took the flight that was $200x3 less but an almost 2 hour drive from him (his idea) and sure enough- she screamed the entire 2 hours. He gets it now. We were little, we could crawl around and lay down and get comfortable in the car. Kids can't now, so sleep isn't a given. He told me the other day, that he's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to follow the law. Ok, dad- good thing you're not raising children today, you would have been caught eventually and arrested- just like the parents who let their kids walk alone, sit in the car alone and go home alone. And, yeah, grade school children can't walk to school unless they are escorted by an adult. I'm one of those older generation so see my post, last paragraph. My post is more about how I raised my son. Every generation is different. I just hope when you are old you can look back and remember the good times or maybe not. No generation has a lock on perfection even if they think they do.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Apr 17, 2016 22:29:35 GMT -5
We have literally turned adults into infants in our society. Perpetual infants, babies, and adolescents in adult bodies. It's sad, pathetic and disgusting. So little is required of them that over time, they feel that nothing should ever be required of them. Our modern lifestyles, however, make i harder to be that kind of parent. We are all running so fast. Mostly of our own choosing, but you sign up for a thing or two and pretty soon you are going nonstop. It becomes a treadmill that goes faster and faster and taking care of chores and the home become the easy thing to put on the back burner. We need to require more. But, they have so much that is required in schools that they are pressed upon that there is little time to learn the art of life, of taking care of yourself, your home, your surroundings and making the world a better place. We are more concerned with getting that grade to get into some prestigious college or their lives are over. I think people like to predict how these kids will turn out (with their "fancy cellphones" and their "scheduled activities"), but the reality is that the millennials that I know hit the ground running after graduation. I grew up pretty much playing outside all day, pickup games, running around my neighborhood all day long, riding my bike way WAY farther than I'd let my kids ride. I remember parents giving a lot more freedom and I also remember kids getting into a lot more trouble because of that freedom.
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OldCoyote
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Post by OldCoyote on Apr 18, 2016 9:59:38 GMT -5
Are Today’s Parents Getting a Raw Deal?
Yes , you are the reason for it.
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