Are Today’s Parents Getting a Raw Deal?

[cronewitch]

I think it is harder in some ways and much easier in others. My parents had kids in 1947-1948-1949 three in 30 months. Mom had no car, no money, not even a washing machine with the first baby so hand washing diapers. They didn't have disposable anything or convenience packaging anything. Dad often worked out of the state and we lived far from family as toddlers so mom did it all. We didn't have car seats or bike helmets or be protected from anything, we broke bones falling out of trees or whatever. Mom said if you don't break a bone by 10 you were over protected. By age 6 you went outside alone and could leave the yard even as toddlers you went outside alone but not allowed to leave the yard or cross a street. We walked to school even in first grade without escorts, safety patrol kids helped kids cross the bigger streets.

I haven't had a child in my car for over 30 years since I don't even know how to do car seats. I wanted to take the 20 year old someplace 16 years ago but his mom decided to drive so I didn't need to deal with it. It seems it would be a real pain to run errands and need to get the kids out of car seats and take them in with you to a place like a gas station when you just need to pay or use the rest room. Our parents could just say get out come with and we did it ourselves now they are so strapped down you need to unhook them and lift them. Also now you need to baby proof you home so they don't get hung on blind cords and stuff. Our generation lost a few kids to stupid stuff now you would be in prison if you don't make babies sleep on their back and they have assess to any danger. When each family only has one or two children they protect them more than if they had a dozen. Even medical care is more now. My great grandmother's generation many of the boys didn't live, nobody knew why but the girls ended up doing the farm work since they didn't have enough boys. Now we know it was hemophilia so instead of the boys dying they are protected we have two now one is about 55 and the other 34 they won't have lived to 3 a few generations ago. The oldest was told he would die between 2-3 since you can't keep protecting them someday you need to let them walk. He was kept in a padded playpen with built up sides until he was about 2 but you do need to eventually let them out.

[swasat]

I LOVED that article!!

I did not grow up like the writer described, but heck ya my parent's lives did not revolve around me or my brother. To be honest and fair, I never worked for money growing up, got a lot of things provided for and got a full tuition ride to college, paid by the parents   And never had to live like a popper.

But, if I got a B I got B, I was benched I was benched, bad marks on assignments, disciplinary issues....my parents weren't calling any teachers. Instead me and the brother were got a tongue lashing at home and grounding for weeks or whatever punishment met the need of the hour. The school, coaches and teachers were always right, period.  I've roamed the streets, scraped my knees, broken enough bones without parents worrying about me and my survival. 

I am more of an old school parent. Kids walk to school and my 11 year old is a latch key kid. He comes home and stays by himself for a 2-3 hours before DH or I get home. Both my kids have list of chores to do, which includes dishwasher duties, bathroom cleaning, vacuuming, helping with the yard and laundry folding. 

On the flip side, we are also involved in sports, so yeah...a bunch of toting them around on weekend and weekdays for practices and games. I have arranged play dates in the past, I have also bought them expensive stuff like XBox and iPads. We are also guilty of taking expensive vacations.

I guess what I am trying to say is both DH and I tend to fall in the middle of "everything old was awesome/bad" and "everything now is awesome/bad".

I find some old parenting techniques to be very good. But I am also a firm believer in "fitting in". If the world is playing video games and my child has never even seen one, or if the world is talking about One Direction band and my kids haven't even heard a song because I believe that concerts/radios etc are not for kids, I don't call that fitting in. The world is changing. we need the new generation to keep pace with the current time, while not letting themselves be the focus of it all.

[Tennesseer]

Apr 18, 2016 16:06:33 GMT -5 alwaysbeoptimizing said:

Apr 16, 2016 16:25:27 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Walking home from kindergarten one day, I was hit by a car. The driver didn't brake soon enough. I lived.

Tenn, do you wear a shirt that says "Mental Toughness Wins"? 

I should.

I am getting so much older I barely remember it now. Just that it happened.

[alabamagal]

A couple of years ago, one of DH's teenage employees did the "I don't know how you survived growing up without a cellphone" thing.  A few minutes later she was getting really annoyed because her Mom kept calling/texting her.  I told her that when we were teenagers, once we left the house our parents had no way of getting in touch with us until we got home, couldn't check on us, call to ask when we would be home, or anything else.  I think I saw the wheels spinning in her head thinking maybe that wasn't so bad!

[NastyWoman]

I think the trend of overprotecting kids today (in my opinion) is the result of (a) smaller families, and (b) each generation trying to avoid the "mistakes" of the previous generation and making sure that the kids are safer than they were before. A sort of weapons race of parenting. Neither parents nor kids are better off today than they were in the past or v.v. It's just different 

[zibazinski]

I like the idea of parents taking back the power to raise their own children. A few legal backlashes against busy bodies might just start a new trend of minding your own business.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I spent my childhood roaming the neighborhood, walking to school from first grade through twelfth, taking the public bus to the downtown shopping area of our mid-size city by the age of 11, being a latchkey kid, supervising younger siblings, etc.

And, while I certainly did develop independence and street smarts, I think it is important to point out that benign negligence also has its downside.  

I've tried to find a happy medium for my own kids between a completely free range childhood and hovering over and suffocating them.  It's a constant balancing act.  

[Deleted]

Apr 16, 2016 16:25:27 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Apr 16, 2016 13:40:39 GMT -5 haapai said:

I remember getting lost on the walk home from kindergarten and being more embarrassed than afraid, and the only thing that I was really afraid of was not being able to walk home from school any more.  I was really enjoying being able to investigate roadkill and other decomposing things without my mom getting upset and dragging me away, and now that was gonna be taken away. 

It turned out to be a false alarm.  The very next day, I was sent off to school on my own with instructions that contained slightly more landmarks.  Twenty years later, my mom claimed that she followed me to school that day and enlisted a few older kids to steer me to school and back for the rest of the fall but I don't remember being tailed or steered.  I remember kids older than me being bad and turning over the roadkill and being afraid that if my mom found out about this she'd either start walking me to school or make me walk with the other girls.

I think that the kids are getting screwed. I'll bet that most of them can't name a dozen North American mammals or birds and are way behind the curve on mammalian and avian anatomy. 

Walking home from kindergarten one day, I was hit by a car. The driver didn't brake soon enough. I lived.

Riding my bike to work at 16 years old I was hit by a car while going through a corner gas station.  I flew off the bike and landed on the hood.  It was kind of a slow head-on type of crash.  The cars driver got out and helped me pull out my bent back, front fork.  He had a scrape and dent in his hood.  We kind of laughed about it and he left and I went to work for six hours, a little bit sore.  I'm still careful in parking lots.

[ArchietheDragon]

A friend of mine in second grade was riding bikes on his road when he was hit buy car.   He died. 

[happyhoix]

Apr 16, 2016 13:40:39 GMT -5 haapai said:

I remember getting lost on the walk home from kindergarten and being more embarrassed than afraid, and the only thing that I was really afraid of was not being able to walk home from school any more.  I was really enjoying being able to investigate roadkill and other decomposing things without my mom getting upset and dragging me away, and now that was gonna be taken away. 

It turned out to be a false alarm.  The very next day, I was sent off to school on my own with instructions that contained slightly more landmarks.  Twenty years later, my mom claimed that she followed me to school that day and enlisted a few older kids to steer me to school and back for the rest of the fall but I don't remember being tailed or steered.  I remember kids older than me being bad and turning over the roadkill and being afraid that if my mom found out about this she'd either start walking me to school or make me walk with the other girls.

I think that the kids are getting screwed. I'll bet that most of them can't name a dozen North American mammals or birds and are way behind the curve on mammalian and avian anatomy. 

I remember in Kindergarten I walked home with a friend of mine who lived in the opposite direction, and then turned and all the way back to my house. I knew where I was, I wasn't lost. It took me a lot longer to get home. I remember my mom yelling at me for being so late, and I told her what I had done, and she yelled at me some more about coming straight home.

And next day - walked home from Kindergarten by myself again, and this time didn't steer of course for fear of a beating.

And we had the kind of mom who locked us out of the house in the summer, from early morning until twilight.  If she needed us to come home for any reason, she stood on the front porch and shouted, like every other neighborhood mom did.

Yes, today's kids are getting a raw deal.

[happyhoix]

Apr 18, 2016 22:05:09 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

I think the trend of overprotecting kids today (in my opinion) is the result of (a) smaller families, and (b) each generation trying to avoid the "mistakes" of the previous generation and making sure that the kids are safer than they were before. A sort of weapons race of parenting. Neither parents nor kids are better off today than they were in the past or v.v. It's just different 

I agree about the parenting weapons race. I had a mommy who tried to shame me for using cloth wash clothes when I bathed my baby. I'm not sure what she used - butterfly wings or flower petals or what. Just that using washcloths on baby skin was pretty much like murder.

Then there was the whole 'how can you send your kid to public school instead of homeschooling him/sending him to the ultra fancy prep school I send my kid to' thing - which is funny now that DS is an engineer who graduated from public schools and a state college, but pretty annoying at the time.

I think there is also a lot of fear mongering involved. Fear about children having delicate egos so you can't yell at them, or fear that strangers are hiding under every bush waiting to kidnap or rape your kid, or fear that if you don't occupy every minute of your kid's childhood with special enrichment programs or sports he'll lag behind and end up as a garbage man or street sweeper. I don't recall my parents worrying about that kind of stuff so much.  

[Deleted]

I don't feel like i'm getting a raw deal. I think its awesome that i live in a day and age when there are so many choices in what kind of parent i can be. I don't have to stay home. I don't have to work. I can make the choice.

Are the kids getting a raw deal? I guess you'll have to ask them. I know no one carted my ass all around the place making sure i got to pursue the things i was interested in. No one took me on trips and talked to me on a regular basis.

[NoNamePerson]

Apr 19, 2016 16:25:37 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Apr 18, 2016 22:05:09 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

I think the trend of overprotecting kids today (in my opinion) is the result of (a) smaller families, and (b) each generation trying to avoid the "mistakes" of the previous generation and making sure that the kids are safer than they were before. A sort of weapons race of parenting. Neither parents nor kids are better off today than they were in the past or v.v. It's just different 

I agree about the parenting weapons race. I had a mommy who tried to shame me for using cloth wash clothes when I bathed my baby. I'm not sure what she used - butterfly wings or flower petals or what. Just that using washcloths on baby skin was pretty much like murder.

Then there was the whole 'how can you send your kid to public school instead of homeschooling him/sending him to the ultra fancy prep school I send my kid to' thing - which is funny now that DS is an engineer who graduated from public schools and a state college, but pretty annoying at the time.

I think there is also a lot of fear mongering involved. Fear about children having delicate egos so you can't yell at them, or fear that strangers are hiding under every bush waiting to kidnap or rape your kid, or fear that if you don't occupy every minute of your kid's childhood with special enrichment programs or sports he'll lag behind and end up as a garbage man or street sweeper. I don't recall my parents worrying about that kind of stuff so much.  

I used cloth wash clothes and clothe diapers. But if Huggins had been around in the dark ages I would have hugged them myself.    So much better than cloth but I did have some really good dust rags later on.

[Tennesseer]

Apr 19, 2016 14:13:41 GMT -5 @jma23 said:

Apr 16, 2016 16:25:27 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Walking home from kindergarten one day, I was hit by a car. The driver didn't brake soon enough. I lived.

Riding my bike to work at 16 years old I was hit by a car while going through a corner gas station.  I flew off the bike and landed on the hood.  It was kind of a slow head-on type of crash.  The cars driver got out and helped me pull out my bent back, front fork.  He had a scrape and dent in his hood.  We kind of laughed about it and he left and I went to work for six hours, a little bit sore.  I'm still careful in parking lots.

Today I live on a cove with very little traffic. But when I mow the lawn, and have to step onto the street to turn the mower's direction, I still look both ways before stepping off the curb. I remember my painful lesson from sixty years ago.