NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 19, 2016 16:14:08 GMT -5
Having had a relative that was old and sick who I did partial duty for, I can say with total certainty that anyone who thinks doing it 24 hrs a day 7 days a week in exchange for a couple hundred a week in rent is a fair deal has never done it before.
I watched my grandmother and father take care of my grandfather during his last weeks on Earth and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
But that doesn't mean if my dad died and grandma had died shortly thereafter that my mom would have been entitled to the estate. As a matter of fact it's set up so if that did happen everything goes to me and my brother.
Maybe the Aunt's will was the same way? It is unfortunate the DIL did not have a chance (or didn't want to who knows) have kids with her husband. It also sucks that the aunt didn't want to or didn't have time to change things to leave the house to the DIL.
But that doesn't make anyone who DID inherit greedy for refusing to sign over the house to the DIL. There could be reasons other than "greedy" that they have for not signing over the house.
It sucks but it's no one's "fault" life worked out the way it did.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 19, 2016 16:14:11 GMT -5
However, I was thinking about my mother's will, which leaves everything to her children; and if one predeceases her, their share goes to that person's children, not their spouse. At this time, only one of us has a spouse and no children. If that person dies before Mom, then the estate gets split 6 ways, not 7. The spouse would not inherit anything.This is what my IL's [RIP] did. They left everything to their sons (DH and BIL) but specifically stated that if DH or BIL passed on before they did the spouses would get nothing - their estate would pass first to the surviving bro and then to their grandkids.
I confess it hurt my feelings a little bit (I'm still faithfully married to their son after 3 decades AND I provided a significant amount of in-the-trenches hands-on care to them in their final months), but in the end I understood it. They didn't want their money passing out of their direct family line and over into mine or SIL's family. Heck - I don't want my family money doing that either (passing over to DH's extended relatives).
I agree this thread is a useful lesson to all of us to get our paperwork in order and keep it that way!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 19, 2016 16:15:58 GMT -5
I confess it hurt my feelings a little bit (I'm still faithfully married to their son after 3 decades AND I provided a significant amount of in-the-trenches hands-on care to them in their final months), but in the end I understood it.
Hurt my mom's feelings too she's been married to my dad for 34 years now. It wasn't so much how the will was written but how my grandmother went about announcing it to my mom it was set up that way. She basically implied my mom was a gold digger since she is 4 years older than my dad. Because my grandmother's estate is worth that much.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 19, 2016 18:17:19 GMT -5
I think in this case the problem is people can be led to believe that they will inherit as a consequence of doing the care giving. Having seen to many times where someone was led to believe that but was ultimately not willed anything I would never do this without being paid up front. Even the relative I did help with it was a crazy amount of work and stress. If his "closer" blood relatives were to be asked I would bet they think I was gold digging for doing it even though I didn't get anything but trinkets. In their mind I am not entitled to it since he had kids and grand kids. I didn't notice any of them offering to do anything to help though. Now I would probably, if this came up, want something written spelling out what was owed either before or after they died. The real problem is no one writes anything down and after it is all "but I'm family" and "but I did all the work" The courts don't care who did all the work so at this point other than my mother and immediate family I want cash. Then the family can split what is left.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 20, 2016 8:37:03 GMT -5
Now I would probably, if this came up, want something written spelling out what was owed either before or after they died. The real problem is no one writes anything down
Very true. The "it's family" attitude often comes into play when I ask DH about the house. He REALLY wants to inherit his childhood home and I've heard his dad verbally promise it.
I said it has to be on PAPER otherwise why on earth would your siblings just hand over their share of the house? And what makes you think you'll be able to buy them out if they don't? Do you really think they'll hand it over out of the goodness of their hearts b/c you claim that's what dad wanted?
The "it's family" works when all parties are alive and you can be gifted things upfront. One said party is dead their word doesn't mean jack squat unless they made sure to put it on paper.
DH for quite awhile thought I was being too cynical/heartless. My grandfather dying and FIL having some serious surgeries has been a wake up call for him. I said if you want the house you need to discuss it and find out what is written in their actual will. It's not being greedy it's not being heartless, it is being practical. Better than finding out at the estate lawyer's table while emotions are running high.
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