sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 9:30:18 GMT -5
What are your experiences? Have you dealt with depression yourself or had a loved one who suffered?
My DH was recently diagnosed - he said some pretty frightening things to me a few weeks back and I pushed him to see a therapist (I have been trying to get him to go for at least a year)
I have no experience with depression. I understand anxiety and realize how powerful the mind is and how easily it can trick you into extremely powerful thoughts that aren't true. But I've never had to deal with depression... at least not to my knowledge.
I do have an appointment to speak with my own therapist about this, but I'd be interested in first hand experiences if anyone cares to share.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Apr 12, 2016 9:37:03 GMT -5
My depression was just one of many signs I had low testosterone. A simple blood test confirmed it. Going on replacement T fixed everything.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 9:46:15 GMT -5
My depression was just one of many signs I had low testosterone. A simple blood test confirmed it. Going on replacement T fixed everything. That is very interesting... I googled and think this is worth looking into. My doctor does a full panel of blood work and I wonder if I could get my husband to go to her. I mean, if the low testosterone isn't a problem, then he's only out some blood and a couple hours of his time.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 12, 2016 9:48:30 GMT -5
I watched a parent suffer, but chose not to get any sort of treatment.
Treatment would be my HTDO. And being persistent with seeking help if the first therapist doesn't work. It took me 4 therapists before I found the right fit and someone who knew what they were doing. There's no one-size fits all for therapy..
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Apr 12, 2016 9:52:42 GMT -5
I've struggled with depression since I was 12. It's impacted a lot of relationships, mostly with DH. It's hard when you're in the midst of it to realize how much it impacts those who love you. I am currently seeing a therapist, and am on a low dose of Wellbutrin. This has completely changed things. I still feel down at times, but I'm able to more clearly see it for what it is. I was really against medication, for really no good reasons, but it has changed my life. My stubbornness on the issue made me waste a lot of years.
Also, I really recommend the book "The Depression Cure" by Stephen S. Ilardi. There are a lot of great lifestyle changes recommended there that have really helped me.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 12, 2016 10:04:29 GMT -5
I've always had some degree of depression, it's part of having aspergers.
The worst it got was during my junior year at college. My grades totally tanked and I couldn't deal with life or fiction. After getting on some meds I turned it around.
I still deal with it, but I can function just fine. I think I'm just naturally somewhat lower on the happiness scale than most.
It's hard sometimes, I feel like loneliness is more of an issue than depression itself.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 10:10:45 GMT -5
I was diagnosed with depression several years ago, after what I still describe as the worst time of my life. The ONLY thing that could motivate me to keep trying was that I had kids depending on me. I was never suicidal, I just wanted to give up and stay in bed. Besides my kids, I felt like nothing really mattered, I didn't care if I lost my job, except I had to shelter and feed my kids. I literally had to talk myself into getting out of bed to go to works many days, and sometimes even that didn't work.
I was prescribed Effexor but the side effects made me stop taking it. The one that bothered me the most was if I didn't take it on time, I would feel little sings or something in my head. I don't know how to describe it well but it kind of felt like very mild electrical zaps. That made me wonder what the heck the medicine was actually doing to my brain, so I stopped taking it. It wasn't helping anyway.
This won't be an issue for your DH, but it also took PMS to a whole new level. For about 10 days every month, I'd turn into someone I didn't recognize. Horrible mood swings, crying for no real reason, it was awful. I described my symptoms to a family member that's a on ob/gyn and the first thing he said was "you're not going crazy!". I'd been kind of wondering but hadn't voiced it, I guess he knew that might be what I was thinking because he'd heard it from his patients before.
What finally helped me was a post on depression on a blog by a Buddhist physician. That post caused me to think about a lot of things my depression had caused me to believe that simply weren't true. The blog is called Happiness in this World. If it's not ok to name it, I will delete. It basically got me doing some deep thinking (from a I can do this POV instead of a negative one) about some things I needed to change about myself and my life. And then a few strange things started happening that made me believe the saying that when the student is ready, the master appears. But that's a story for another time lol.
That led to me picking 3 areas of my life that caused me the most stress and set about trying to figure out how I could fix them. One of them was my money. Id hit a brick wall with my finances and was forced to try to deal with it. That was when I found you all on the old msn boards. As bad as my money situation was, , my depression started to get better when I started to try to fix my money problems. The psychologist I was seeing at the time said that having something to focus and take action on was likely the reason.
Maybe the timing was just right with those 2 things and it was coincidence that my depression started improving around that time. I wouldn't dare suggest that a blog and finding something important to focus on will help someone else that is suffering with depression. And it IS suffering when you're in the throes of it.
I wish your husband peace and hope he gets better soon. I apologize for the long post, I'm not sure any of it was helpful, but it's my experience.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 10:24:22 GMT -5
I've struggled with depression since I was 12. It's impacted a lot of relationships, mostly with DH. It's hard when you're in the midst of it to realize how much it impacts those who love you. I am currently seeing a therapist, and am on a low dose of Wellbutrin. This has completely changed things. I still feel down at times, but I'm able to more clearly see it for what it is. I was really against medication, for really no good reasons, but it has changed my life. My stubbornness on the issue made me waste a lot of years. Also, I really recommend the book "The Depression Cure" by Stephen S. Ilardi. There are a lot of great lifestyle changes recommended there that have really helped me. Thanks, so much- i've just ordered the book. hopefully DH will read it too. He wants to try without medication, but isn't totally opposed to it.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 10:25:21 GMT -5
@pinkcshmere thank you for sharing... it actually is very helpful. I am checking the blog and I really do think there is power in finding your biggest stressors and taking action!
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Apr 12, 2016 10:25:54 GMT -5
Almost all adults will suffer from depression at one point or another. I had suffered from situational depression at different parts of my life, most recently while I was unemployed for 9 months. For me (and for many in situational depression), once the aggravating factor cleared, or time passed (say after the death of a loved one), the depression cleared. Some people need to go on medication during situational depression, some don't.
C suffers from depression the mental disorder. He does not medicate because we have found some lifestyle changes that help him regulate his moods, but we have considered it. His depression has nothing to do with outside factors, it is all some sort of internal cycle. I can tell by his behaviors when we're about to enter down cycles and up cycles. We have an agreement in place that if I ever tell him he needs to see a therapist/doctor for his depression, he will.
His mother had severe depression. Without her medication, she simply spent all day, every day, crying. Without her medication, she was non-functional. Again, this had nothing to do with her life. It was a brain chemical imbalance. Talk therapy, lifestyle changes, those would have done her no good, because her brain chemistry was so imbalanced.
Pop Tart is starting to experience some depression on top of her anxiety. We are not certain if it was situational (happened around the Holidays, which is a hard time) or puberty onset depression - as the hormones start flooding her body, it messes with brain chemistry. For the moment, we are not medicating, but she's in therapy, and we meet regularly with a psychiatrist as well. She had some self harm ideation in January. If that comes back/lasts longer than a week, we will probably choose to medicate.
Depression is tricky. I am glad you've convinced your DH to talk to someone. If this is new and completely outside his norm, I agree on the looking for other health factors that could be aggravating it (like low T). Whether to medicate or not is something between your DH, with input from you, and his doctor. I wish you the best of luck.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Apr 12, 2016 10:33:24 GMT -5
Mom had it my entire childhood. She seemed much happier after we were grown and she had a job with her own money. My niece got divorced then depressed and took happy pills seems better now. I might be depressed and have a feeling like waiting for spring or waiting for something to happen. I don't want to choose what to do with my life, I wish I had a leader telling me what I should do. I have enough money but don't want to vacation, I would like a new house but not want to deal with moving and I don't want to take care of this house or yard. It is like I think a switch will turn on and suddenly I will know what I want. I think I am lonely because ISO moved away and his house is his house even when I visit I don't feel at home. I like doing things with people not alone but they need to be the leader. The past 30 years ISO has been with me so I did things he wanted to do. He would want to go camping or fishing or something I and I wanted it to but I don't want it alone. Now he can't come visit me for more than a couple hours since he has to get home for his chickens. He has surgery on his hand next week so I will go take care of him for a couple weeks, looking forward to that. I can cook for him and do little things he can't with his right thumb not working, not sure he can drive if his right hand is in a cast. I am not suicidal at all just kinda bored. I want new furniture but don't want to pick it out, if he lived here I would buy things he would love but I don't love anything so just want something that is ok.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Apr 12, 2016 10:42:27 GMT -5
I was 14 the first time I was treated for depression. I was prescribed Prozac and didn't find it to to be particularly helpful. My depression and anxiety got really bad my junior year of college, so I went to student health. They set me up with a counselor and a psychiatrist. I was able to try out a lot of different combinations of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs until I found a combination that worked. Counseling also really helped me a lot. My dad had chronic depression and my mom has been hospitalized for her anxiety, so I don't think I really understood what normal felt like until I was in my 20s. I eventually went off the medication a few years later when my life was more stable, and I have been mostly happy since then. I did go back on Welbutrin and start seeing a therapist again after my dad died. If anything, I think my previous experience with seeking treatment helped me deal with my grief better. I haven't been depressed in over 8 years now, but I still sometimes worry about it happening again. (I have anxiety too. ) I just try to get enough sleep, avoid toxic situations and remember that my depression sucks, but it is treatable. With depression, it is like your brain is constantly lying to you and telling you that you are worthless, everything is awful and no one wants you around. You just have to block that noise out, until it goes away. I am glad your husband is seeking treatment, and he can get better.
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moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Apr 12, 2016 10:45:11 GMT -5
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Apr 12, 2016 10:45:11 GMT -5
A friend suffers with depression.
As her friend sometimes it's difficult to be a 'friend'. She takes just about everything as a 'personal attack' or an 'insult'. For example: she had a very beautiful arrangement of potted plants on her front stoop. I commented that they looked really nice. She took that as an 'insult' because the planters were all wrong and the plants were mostly dead (not true). She then questioned my friendship - because how could I say such a hurtful thing (imply that she had done something nice) when it was obvious (only to her) the pots/plants were crap. My response was "Um, OK. Didn't mean to make you feel bad - are we still going to go 'window shopping'? ".
I wanted to find a way to not keep making her feel bad and be her friend (or to better deal with the inconsistency between my experience of reality and her experience of reality) - so I of course I looked online for some help. Which didn't really help. I mostly found lots of people with depression talking about how they 'found out' who their 'real friends' were - those who stood by them (and took a lot of abuse? I assume). Which didn't really help me - because they never said WHAT their real friends did to show they were real friends. So, I can't help you with being supportive of your hubby during this time.
The one helpful thing I found on line was the description by people who suffered from depression about the 'negative' thoughts just went round and round inside their heads... they felt that they didn't have much control over the seemingly never ending flow of the negative script inside their head. This helped me, because I can better deal with my friend - by thinking her jumps to "that was a personal attack/insult" probably aren't about ME - they are about the voice(s) in her head filtering the situation.
As for the script (or voice) in one's head: One blogger described how he dealt with it by focusing on his exercise routine (he was a weight lifter) and by reminding himself that his mind 'lies' to him and he needs to remember that - what his mind is saying to him may not be real or true. And that while it may be exhausting to constantly consider "is this 'real' or not?" he said it helped him stay the course and function daily. Along WITH therapy, an understanding wife, 2 kids, a job, and his weight lifting hobby.
Seems like the 'solution' isn't necessarily just one thing (take a pill or see a therapist) that gets one thru depression it's multipronged approach that helps navigate the difficulties.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 10:52:53 GMT -5
Mom had it my entire childhood. She seemed much happier after we were grown and she had a job with her own money. My niece got divorced then depressed and took happy pills seems better now. I think of anti-depressants as pills that put the depressed person's brain chemistry on a level playing field with the rest of us- not "happy pills". I've worked with two people who were in meds for depression. Both were smart, high-energy and I never would have known if they hadn't told me. One lost his mother to dioxide. I spoke to the other when he needed his meds adjusted (he was postponing a business trip) and was actually weepy. What a difference the right meds made for him. I'm thoroughly convinced some people need medication for depression.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 12, 2016 11:23:10 GMT -5
I am taking Wellbutrin. It is making me functional, but gives me tinnitus. I tried lowering the dose and was sick to my stomach for 10 straight days, along with some other side effects. I couldn't take it any more and went back to my regular dose and now my tinnitus is killing me. I think I need to find a doctor that specializes in this kind of thing, because my doctor doesn't seem to understand how hard of a time I am having.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Apr 12, 2016 11:24:23 GMT -5
I had post partum depression. It was awful. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Apr 12, 2016 12:34:48 GMT -5
I've struggled with depression since I was 12. It's impacted a lot of relationships, mostly with DH. It's hard when you're in the midst of it to realize how much it impacts those who love you. I am currently seeing a therapist, and am on a low dose of Wellbutrin. This has completely changed things. I still feel down at times, but I'm able to more clearly see it for what it is. I was really against medication, for really no good reasons, but it has changed my life. My stubbornness on the issue made me waste a lot of years. Also, I really recommend the book "The Depression Cure" by Stephen S. Ilardi. There are a lot of great lifestyle changes recommended there that have really helped me. Thanks, so much- i've just ordered the book. hopefully DH will read it too. He wants to try without medication, but isn't totally opposed to it. If he wants to do it without medication, that book is a great resource. It doesn't say don't take medication, but is more heavily in favor of lifestyle changes. Good luck to both of you!
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 12:58:35 GMT -5
thanks everyone for sharing. I know that depression isn't a 1 size fits all... there are varying causes and even more solutions/ways of managing. It is helpful to hear stories from others. I spoke with my own therapist today... and it helped quite a bit. I got another book recommendation and she had great information to help me understand and to help guide me in my own role in this.
my heart goes out to anyone who suffers. I have anxiety issues... they reared their head last year in an extreme way for the first time ever. Therapy has helped me so much and while I know it isn't the same, I really hope it helps DH!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 12, 2016 13:30:05 GMT -5
If he wants to try medication at any point the best suggestion I got was to go see a psychiatrist. . A psychiatrist is someone whose sole job is to prescribe medications for mental health issues. They are your best best for up to date information on treatment and helping you figure out a proper dosage.
I wish I could have talked DH into one when he was on Wellbutrin. We had some very scary weeks while his MD was playing around with the dosage. I am not sure if a psychiatrist could have done better but I doubt one could have done much worse.
Some psychiatrists do talk therapy but most don't. So don't go looking for one assuming it'll be a one stop shop. He may end up needing a psychiatrist and a therapist.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 13:37:46 GMT -5
If he wants to try medication at any point the best suggestion I got was to go see a psychiatrist. . A psychiatrist is someone whose sole job is to prescribe medications for mental health issues. They are your best best for up to date information on treatment and helping you figure out a proper dosage. I wish I could have talked DH into one when he was on Wellbutrin. We had some very scary weeks while his MD was playing around with the dosage. I am not sure if a psychiatrist could have done better but I doubt one could have done much worse. Some psychiatrists do talk therapy but most don't. So don't go looking for one assuming it'll be a one stop shop. He may end up needing a psychiatrist and a therapist. His therapist is in the same practice as mine... they have doctor a group of doctors- MDs or Psychiatrists, i am not sure which - that they work closely with for patients that need medication. A friend of mine sees my therapist and got the recommendation from a friend of hers, who also sees someone in the practice. They are both on medication- my friend says they really walked her through everything and the doctors collaborated really well. She felt way more comfortable than the time her MD threw a prescription at her after a 30 minute conversation. So- I feel better knowing this... I hope it doesn't get to that point, but obviously, if it is necessary then I am supportive!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 14:51:54 GMT -5
thanks everyone for sharing. I know that depression isn't a 1 size fits all... there are varying causes and even more solutions/ways of managing. It is helpful to hear stories from others. I spoke with my own therapist today... and it helped quite a bit. I got another book recommendation and she had great information to help me understand and to help guide me in my own role in this. my heart goes out to anyone who suffers. I have anxiety issues... they reared their head last year in an extreme way for the first time ever. Therapy has helped me so much and while I know it isn't the same, I really hope it helps DH! What book was recommended? Curious.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Apr 12, 2016 15:09:30 GMT -5
thanks everyone for sharing. I know that depression isn't a 1 size fits all... there are varying causes and even more solutions/ways of managing. It is helpful to hear stories from others. I spoke with my own therapist today... and it helped quite a bit. I got another book recommendation and she had great information to help me understand and to help guide me in my own role in this. my heart goes out to anyone who suffers. I have anxiety issues... they reared their head last year in an extreme way for the first time ever. Therapy has helped me so much and while I know it isn't the same, I really hope it helps DH! What book was recommended? Curious. I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 12, 2016 19:17:36 GMT -5
Mom had it my entire childhood. She seemed much happier after we were grown and she had a job with her own money. My niece got divorced then depressed and took happy pills seems better now. I think of anti-depressants as pills that put the depressed person's brain chemistry on a level playing field with the rest of us- not "happy pills". I've worked with two people who were in meds for depression. Both were smart, high-energy and I never would have known if they hadn't told me. One lost his mother to dioxide. I spoke to the other when he needed his meds adjusted (he was postponing a business trip) and was actually weepy. What a difference the right meds made for him. I'm thoroughly convinced some people need medication for depression. As someone who has suffered from major depression since age 12, please do not call anti-depressants "happy pills". Without my meds, I am not able to function at all. The meds are lifesaving for me. Without them, I would no longer be on this earth. It took a good psychiatrist to figure out the correct combination of medications. I learned the hard way not to go off of them. I thought I was all better, went off and was right back in the dark space of hell.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Apr 12, 2016 19:19:32 GMT -5
I've been fighting depression - the biological sort - for most of my adult life. Some years have been no issue; others have been a very painful struggle. I've taken meds for a number of years, and must say I could not be okay without them. Not in the long run, anyway.
When I could, I ran and did other exercising; that helps. Therapy helps, too - it's important to develop a tool set to manage with. And someone who loves you and can tell you you need something different.
I wish the best for you and your DH. You can get your life back, but it is hard, hard, hard to get to the other side.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Apr 12, 2016 19:31:34 GMT -5
I had post partum depression. It was awful. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I am fairly certain I had it too but wasn't diagnosed. The first few days after DS came home from the hospital, all I really remember doing is sleeping and crying. And worrying. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. And God Forbid X tried to touch me - I actually cried when he touched me for months post partum. I just felt like I was no longer me, I was a machine designed to care for DS. I cuddled him because I was supposed to - I got almost no enjoyment out of it. Maternity leave was really tough for me. And no, I wouldn't wish that on anyone either.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 6:17:21 GMT -5
Andrew Soloman has a TED Talk about depression and living with it. It's pretty much my "go to" when people ask me what my life is like. He nails it very, very well. I encourage EVERYONE to listen to what he has to say.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 13, 2016 7:31:35 GMT -5
I went through a very difficult time in my life. I contracted Lyme's disease and had severe chronic fatigue for a long time. Then, my dad died in a tragic way. And, DH and I had the stress of life, having young kids, etc. I really struggled day by day. Over time, i worked my way out of it. But, there is a time when you might have to just take a step back from life and nurture yourself. I dropped out of a lot of extracurricular things and just focused on myself and my family. I got back to what was really important which was taking care of DH, my kids, cooking good meals and my job. And, i really wasn't up to be around other people anyway. It is important to "think about what you are thinking about". That seems kind of simple. But, you tend to replay a lot of negative talk in your head. You have to reset the recorder in your brain so to speak. I found it very helpful to simply focus on TODAY. What i am doing TODAY. How can i make a better TODAY. And, also, i learned that life needs passion and enthusiasm. So, how do you get that? Well, you start by giving your full and undivided attention to whatever it is you are doing at the moment. If you are cooking supper, then focus only on that and making a tasty meal. Be present in the moment. And, once you retrain your mind in that way, it really then becomes a new way of life. I am now doing great and really involved in life again with coaching, the School Board and many other things. Immerse yourself in today. And, leave the anxieties of the future in the future and let the past's sleeping dogs lie.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 7:46:19 GMT -5
Well, I was definitely depressed after my first husband left and probably should have done something about it, but didn't. I also had post partum depression after second son was born. The doctors put me on Zoloft which helped a lot. Six months later when my Grandmother that practically raised me died, I couldn't even cry at her funeral. That seemed too weird to me, so I decided then to quit taking it and have been fine since. I did keep getting it refilled for a while and have probably six months supply in my medicine cabinet. I almost tapped it during all the hell of 2013 with my ex, but never did. Probably should just toss it, but just like the 15 Xanax pills I keep around, I like having it for an emergency.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Apr 13, 2016 8:45:34 GMT -5
I was probably diagnosed at 11. I was being bullied at a small, private school and had nobody to talk to about it. My dad was an alcoholic/rageaholic and my mom had a nervous breakdown and suffered from anxiety and depression. I had practically no friends growing up, as the neighborhood was all aging people. 2 playmates I had were visiting their grandparents--one all the way from Florida. That's how bad the neighborhood was for playmates. When I was a little older, I enrolled in a few activities and made a few friends there, but no one I really could hang out with on a regular basis. My mother, speaking little English, was at times an embarrassment in her refusal to integrate into American culture. Plus, I didn't have the vocabulary to even explain to her how I was feeling. Plus, many times she'd just refuse to listen and now can't as she's very hard of hearing. I remember talking to someone and started taking some little red pills that made me wake up at 6:30 feeling fully refreshed. I wish I knew what they were, 'cause I thought that was an awesome thing even then. I didn't take them for long, and honestly, just moving to a better neighborhood and a nicer school was all I really needed at the time. I did finally move schools, but my father held on to that damn house due to some inexplicable loyalty to his 1st late wife. Through the rest of school, I had a little bit more talk therapy, but not much. At 18, I tried another psychologist who eventually gave up and suggested I go on prozac. I don't think it helped much, but I didn't get a period while I was on it. Kept trying to tell my Dr this, and all I got was, well, that's not one of the listed side-effects. I said, look, I don't get a period for months while I'm taking it, I skip one day taking it, and I get my period. Later on, tried Paxil. The first go with it was okay, but I stopped it. The 2nd go with it made me want to lay under my desk at work and sleep--that's how sleepy I was on it. None of these pills helped very much at all. Later on, I tried Welbutrin, and that seemed to help the best. I went off of it while I was pregnant with DS1, though it was suggested that I stay on it. Now I'm glad I did because they discovered it has some links to autism. All these drugs I've tried through my life were only for limited periods of time. I'm currently trying Zoloft for my current anxiety more than my depression. I'm on a tiny dose, and decided to wean myself off because of what MPL said--it just numbs you. It may take away the lows, but it's taking away the highs too. (and no sex-drive) I also got headaches from it and tingling in my brain much like Pink Cashmere described. I wish there was a perfect pill out there, but deep down, I know I have to change things to really make things better for myself. I feel like I'm just holding my breath until my mom passes, and then I'll have my own life back. Maybe I should try more pills, but I think they all seem to kind of make you feel numb. And they all have some side effects. Anyway, sorry for the rambling life story.
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