Met a chick at work

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 18, 2016 7:21:48 GMT -5 @sroo4 said:

If nothing else this situation will probably provide us lots of opportunities to practice our "What should I say to HR during the investigation" advice. 





ZaireinHD tread lightly your on thin ice with this one

again - what are you reporting to HR?

ummm....HR HR!! there is a guy going around the company telling women hello, good morning, you look nice.

if you don't stop this from happening I'm going to see a lawyer!

WAHT!!!

seriously!

dang!

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 18, 2016 8:22:25 GMT -5 haapai said:

I hope for your sake that this is an elaborate fantasy. 

Nothing good comes from spending time with the hottie from work.  I'd suggest updating your resume, saving your year-to-date paystubs, and glad-handling everyone that you know that might be able to hook you up with your next dead-end job. 

WHAT??!!!

what is going on here?

I met someone new at work. I don't work in a environment that I am by myself. like working from home. people meet everyday. we say hello and good morning to each other everyday. it's being polite, showing common courtesy. the point being that she is attractive is nice. I am not looking for a date, I didn't say anything about asking her out, getting her number, lets go to a hotel. I said hello!

and since we have met, it has been bonus for me as I am getting great advise on working out a better relationship to get along with my boss.  

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 18, 2016 8:32:15 GMT -5 swamp said:

Mar 18, 2016 0:45:08 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

this week spending time with hot&sexy has been a blast!

she is so helpful with advise to get along with my boss.

I have admitted to her the I know I am the problem with my boss

she gives me guidance on how to get past my normal way of thinking.

she's like Zaire you got to let that past shit go and show your boss some respect!

I'm like WHAT!

I had no idea!

we've been talking pretty much everyday! having fun, learning a lot from her, and kinda look forward to going to my dead-end job.

well look forward to seeing her, anywayz, getting to see her smile!  

Hot&sexy didn't need to tell you that. That's just common sense.

the situation is my boss is a micro manager. this is first time I have ever in life having a micro manager. here at this company or anywhere else. I am not used to this treatment, of having to tell her (my boss) everything I am doing and where I am going, etc. hot&sexy found that to be weird too. I have to let go of the past; stop being stubborn, and get in line with the thought process of I have to now ask what to do next in a project or task and let my boss make the decisions for me, instead of me making the decisions.

hot&sexy is telling me how to handle this and (we) are having fun.

she said things like

Zaire what the fuck is your problem!

you're gonna get yourself fired!

you don't tell your boss how things work in your department! she tells you how she wants things done!

OH! swamp yea - I guess you're right!

I just couldn't see that before

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 18, 2016 12:51:08 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Zaire, all jobs are dead-end jobs if you do nothing to make them otherwise. If you don't put effort into furthering your education, increasing your knowledge and capabilities, and seeking out learning opportunities that don't include "hot chicks" but do include enhancing your ability to offer more and better skills to the company for which you work, you guarantee yourself nothing more than dead-end jobs for life (provided you don't get fired from your dead-end job because you're playing instead of working). You're not at work to find "hot chicks". You're there to do an outstanding job and earn the money they pay you. The workplace is NOT the local bar and it isn't the local "meat market". Sounds to me like you need to focus on work instead of trying to include extracurricular activities in what should be your working hours.
MOO

ok - I see your point of view / understand / I get it

however I feel 'not all jobs are dead end jobs'

there are situations called promotions. where your boss will promote you into a higher more challenging, more pay, and more responsibility position.

a dead end job to me means there is no position to be promoted to

fast food restaurant go from janitor, to cook, to register, to manager.

I am an administrative assistant with this company for over a decade. but then my co-workers that have been with me are in the same positions as well.

some have quit the company and come back into the same position.

dead end

[ZaireinHD]

I don't know why or how you are taking off with the thoughts of dating, at work, relationship at work, me being in appropriate at work.

you guys are weird!

my new (hopefully) friend is someone I met at work! that's it.

I didn't try to get her number, didn't ask her out, not trying to get into adult situations, not trying to get in her pants, etc. I didn't say anything about what her status is relationship wise!

geez what the fuck is going on here?

no we don't work together or in the same department. we just happened to be in the kitchen at the same time, for the first time. and I said hello!

as I would if she is attractive, not attractive, cripple, or otherwise.

I don't have to be thinking with my magic stick to be polite at work.

I have a failed 18 year relationship

I have a failed 15 year best friendship

I live alone and no calls, no visitors, no one

I am not looking to date, or get into a relationship.

I don't believe in relationships at work, even if there were more successful stories of falling in love with a coworker; including getting married. I still don't believe in it.  

that is too much time spending with someone, working and living at home. there is no time to yourself!

work is for work and is difficult enough without having to deal with office hook-ups, and awkwardness

it is just nice to have met someone to talk to in person and it happens to be at work

speaking to someone outside of my department, which she is helping me out so much, opposed to coworkers who just say yea Zaire new boss is a bitch! yea Zaire you're right she shouldn't treat you that way! I don't want / need people to be a yea -man.

[Peace Of Mind]

Holy Crap!!!! 

That is all.  

[moon/Laura]

Zaire, it seems to me like you want to stick your head in the sand on this one. You're just not gonna hear it, like a child.

But the fact is, a mature adult would have, at the very least, introduced themselves first, talked and THEN flirted if you got the vibe that it would be welcome. But nope, not you. Your MO is to start with the dayummmmm gurrrllll.. You look hot! Not smart in general, and especially not at work. But you go ahead on.

You keep asking what was wrong with saying she's attractive. What's wrong with it was that
1. It's work, not a club
2. You didn't know her, or how she would react to that comment. It was completely inappropriate for the environment and situation at that time.

3. You say you're not wanting to date her, so in that case, it also makes the comment irrelevant. You should simply have kept it professional.

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 19, 2016 5:28:17 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

Zaire, it seems to me like you want to stick your head in the sand on this one. You're just not gonna hear it, like a child.

But the fact is, a mature adult would have, at the very least, introduced themselves first, talked and THEN flirted if you got the vibe that it would be welcome. But nope, not you. Your MO is to start with the dayummmmm gurrrllll.. You look hot! Not smart in general, and especially not at work. But you go ahead on.

You keep asking what was wrong with saying she's attractive. What's wrong with it was that
1. It's work, not a club
2. You didn't know her, or how she would react to that comment. It was completely inappropriate for the environment and situation at that time.

3. You say you're not wanting to date her, so in that case, it also makes the comment irrelevant. You should simply have kept it professional.

Geez! what the hell is going on?
keeping my head in the sand over what? being childish over what?
not listening and avoiding what?
not a nightclub and start flirting at first sight and keep comments professional.
not all women would feel I was flirting.
and you're correct I didn't know her, and don't know her.

now then would I have the same greeting for my hot boss!
no!

when I get into a situation once I get a new job.
do you really fucking think I'll go around flirting with women?
NO!

so I understand where you're coming from MOON
but I think it's just uncalled for - and going off in the entirely wrong direction.

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 17, 2016 11:24:55 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Yup, neither of you should have been talking that way at work. Plus, let me tell you, a definite turn off is some guy complimenting my body or looks right off the bat. A nice smile, a good personality. But saying I'm HOT? I'm outa here. It not only shows me he's stupid to say out loud to someone he has just met what he's thinking but exactly what he's after. 

so for me to say

Good Morning Zib! that's a nice smile I can get used to!

that you're ok with?

but to me THAT is clearly flirting!

to say you look good - is just as general as saying hello how are you!

[zibazinski]

Mar 19, 2016 7:27:55 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

Mar 17, 2016 11:24:55 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Yup, neither of you should have been talking that way at work. Plus, let me tell you, a definite turn off is some guy complimenting my body or looks right off the bat. A nice smile, a good personality. But saying I'm HOT? I'm outa here. It not only shows me he's stupid to say out loud to someone he has just met what he's thinking but exactly what he's after. 

so for me to say

Good Morning Zib! that's a nice smile I can get used to!

that you're ok with?

but to me THAT is clearly flirting!

to say you look good - is just as general as saying hello how are you!

No, I'm saying you have a nice smile is less off putting than what you say to women but you keep on doing what you're doing. It's obviously been successful.

[moon/Laura]

Zaire, you don't get it. Making a comment like "you look good" to a woman you have never met before at work is inviting the possibility of being accused of sexual harassment. What is so hard to understand about that?

If you don't think that can happen, you're naive. Some women would consider that very unwanted attention. That's why you should always keep it very general at first, until you know the person. A simple "Hi, I'm Z. I haven't seen you around before. Are you new?" would have been much better.

[ZaireinHD]

here we go!

that's ridiculous! sexual harassment of the first comment of meeting someone at work.

you are seriously jumping the gun with that!

I understand you point of choosing a different introduction as you have suggested. but I really disagree and think you may want to come off your high horse.

it's not that serious

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 19, 2016 7:31:43 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Mar 19, 2016 7:27:55 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

so for me to say

Good Morning Zib! that's a nice smile I can get used to!

that you're ok with?

but to me THAT is clearly flirting!

to say you look good - is just as general as saying hello how are you!

No, I'm saying you have a nice smile is less off putting than what you say to women but you keep on doing what you're doing. It's obviously been successful.

ok I have no idea what you are getting at Zib?

what is it that you think I am saying?

and obviously been successful - what's that suppose to mean?

successful at what? saying hello, common greetings, meeting a new co-worker

I think you are going to be in for a big surprise if you decide to take a part -time job with your way of thinking.

[zibazinski]

I won't be taking a part time job. But even I knew not to misbehave at work.

[andi9899]

Zaire, sorry man. I agree with everyone else. You have to be extra careful about how you come across to people at work, especially those of the opposite sex. And women are not chicks and to refer to them as such is disrespectful. I don't think you're a bad guy, but I do find you a bit socially awkward. That's ok, but you really need to be careful with how you talk to people.

[moon/Laura]

No, I'm not jumping the gun. I'm certain there are women out there who would feel that it's harassment. That "hot and sexy" didn't is great, but so what? This is why I said you're sticking your head in the sand. You think it's impossible/could never happen. This has nothing to do with me on a high horse. It's something that could actually happen if it were the wrong woman on the receiving end. That's all I'm trying to say. But you won't hear it.

[b2r]

 Happy Lathmar Holi, ZaireinHD 

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 19, 2016 10:29:29 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I won't be taking a part time job. But even I knew not to misbehave at work.

misbehave at work?

wow!

I now question how you interpret normal, common communication between people.

keep in mind that I do understand that interpretations are based on how people view one another.

because I know if any one of these other male members did and said the very same exact thing I did

there would be on problems or issues.

now I question when you said some guy (or guys) were making advances towards you after the funeral!

I guess some guy probably said I want to offer you my sincerest condolences

standard, polite, and common

but the guy that said it you probably thought he was making advances towards you?

what a stretch!  

[zibazinski]

No, I know the differences between sincere condolences and a come on.

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 19, 2016 10:41:23 GMT -5 moon/Laura said:

No, I'm not jumping the gun. I'm certain there are women out there who would feel that it's harassment. That "hot and sexy" didn't is great, but so what? This is why I said you're sticking your head in the sand. You think it's impossible/could never happen. This has nothing to do with me on a high horse. It's something that could actually happen if it were the wrong woman on the receiving end. That's all I'm trying to say. But you won't hear it.

1. this is a situation that has happened and I am telling a story.

2. telling me 'sticking my head in the sand' not listening; being childish is jumping the gun because it's not like the story is something that is going to happen and I was advised NOT to do something and did it anyway!

3. I am 6'3" black man and very aware of my surroundings and cautious of my surroundings. I also notice other body language, which is very import that people need to pay more attention to. I could be wearing a hoddie and sweat pants or a full suite complete with matching vest; and know I still look intimidating to women (and cops ) so I make sure I do not do any 'sudden movements' to cause further alarm

4. with that said I am aware of body language yes you are jumping the gun. I do understand yes harassment could be an issue DOWN THE LINE, if I were to continue with outright intentional making advances. But I can assure you I am very aware and wouldn't even come close to that situation.

5. I understand and agree certain types of women would. If I were a reporter, and approached Hillary Clinton and said Hi Hillary your outfit really shows you have such a nice ass! I know the difference.

6. "I won't hear it?" Moon, what is it that you want me to do? and I did ask her if she is new here! which turns out she had been here for 2 years and in the next department, and knows other guys in my department.

7. you should trust that I know the difference between making advances, being polite, looking for a mattress mombo buddy, to being brought up on charges! I now say to you who do you think between the uptight woman and myself would get into more trouble with HR? a woman like that is looking for a payday! my work environment to say you look good is normal! I am soooo not the only one.

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 19, 2016 12:11:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

No, I know the differences between sincere condolences and a come on.

doubtful

but you're comfortable with wrongfully accusing people, or misinterpret intentions go right ahead and continue.

good luck with that

[zibazinski]

Let it go, I have.  

[moon/Laura]

Ok, Z. You're right. All the rest of us have no idea what we're talking about. Happy now?

[ZaireinHD]

AWH??

fine!
agreed!

[andi9899]

What's up with you, Z? Since when do you talk to people that way?

[mmhmm]

Zaire, you brought this to the boards. Nobody here solicited this information from you and those who have posted have tried to give you good advice. There is certainly no need for barbed sarcasm in response. If you don't wish to read comments on what you post here, it's probably best not to post personal issues of this nature. We have no need to know but we care enough about you to try to offer constructive advice where it seems to be needed.

[ZaireinHD]

Mar 19, 2016 15:42:15 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Zaire, you brought this to the boards. Nobody here solicited this information from you and those who have posted have tried to give you good advice. There is certainly no need for barbed sarcasm in response. If you don't wish to read comments on what you post here, it's probably best not to post personal issues of this nature. We have no need to know but we care enough about you to try to offer constructive advice where it seems to be needed.

I knew you were going to say this!
LOL

I sooo wish I would have posted your broken record like I wanted to!
but I figured you know Z - maybe she won't this time?
this time Moon is involved with the thread - and Moon and I have already discussed this
so maybe she won't say the same thing she keeps spitting up over and over again towards me.
also this time I didn't do any of the giving back the same personal attack treatment, and giving back the same name calling towards me.
you have made it clear mmHmm that it is ok for other to treat me that way - but wrong for me to say the same
so fine I didn't do it following your instructions

but nope! here you are again
telling me the same shit!
and even after I just said I'll let it go and agreed with Zib and Moon!
just ridiculous

and for the record " If you don't wish to read comments on what you post here, it's probably best not to post personal issues of this nature"
I know and I remember, and agree, and you have said this over and over again and again towards me
but it was Moon that accused me of NOT responding
which is another reason I thought you wouldn't spin your broken record towards me.
guess I was wrong

[Artemis Windsong]

The work environment I came from, this has all the flags of someone FROM HR.  Getting you to open up and talk about work issues.  This would be very scary for me.  I am on the very wary side. 

If she is giving good advice, I'm glad for you.  I do hope this develops into a good friendship.

[Deleted]

Mar 16, 2016 21:16:02 GMT -5 ZaireinHD said:

WHO-HAAA!!

so I was at the water fountain in the kitchen at work, filling my xl-cup!

when she walks in

this short sexy azz I think Hispanic chick! what a body! pretty face! hair just past shoulders, of course wearing fitted body hugging clothes, with 1 inch platform heels

I am checking out her form while I have my cup covering my face when drinking!

I stop drinking and say good morning! you are looking good today!

she was at the coffee machine in front of me. turns to her right looks me up, then down, and up again!

I started laughing on the inside thinking oh shit! I've just been scanned!

LOL

she said good morning to you and I always look good!

I was thinking - OH! she got sass!

then I am trying to get my come back and said

do-lee noted! with a smile

STUPID!! I know now! LOL

then I said well I didn't know that being this is the first time I am seeing you.

she said no problem - now you know next time you see me! as she finished up her coffee fix'ns and walked back past me. and I turned and watched her walk out!

now I'm standing there thinking SAY something! but I'm left in awe - stuck!

then seconds go by and I hear her clear her throat! she came back! I turn around!

she said you were suppose to follow me out! Zaire! I'm sitting out here in the conference room!

I was like WHAT! there's that sass and how does she know my name? (thinking this)

Funny! I said I was going that way! to meet you! how do you know me? cause I most certainly would remember meeting someone as sexy as you!

she extends her hand for a shake and said I'm hot&sexy! and I can clearly see your badge!

I keep forgetting I wear my ID on my shirt!

we shake hands and I walk out with her.

we talked for I think an hour!

cause I left my desk around 8:30AM and got back around 9:30AM; or something like that!

the conversation was sooo intense, she had me going bananas, the shit she was telling me! just activated my brain to keep up with her sass, and forwardness!

I kept her smiling and laughing at times. yea hour past easy!

when I said dang! I have to get back - my boss hates me - we'll chat later?

she said of course! I'll be here!

Just reading the thoughts that were running through your head when you saw her and while you were checking her out makes it clear that you were flirting when you told her she looked good. It's not like she was some old ugly hag that you said that to just to be nice.

What the posters are trying to tell you is that you were lucky she was receptive to being checked out and the comment on how she looked good. If she was "uptight" or thought you were a sleazeball or keeps it strictly business at work or whatever, you could have had a problem at the place that pays your bills. Some women simply don't want random men commenting on how they look as a "greeting" and that's not what they go to work to hear, so it was a risky move on your part. That's what they're trying to tell you and I don't see why that's so hard to understand.

[ZaireinHD]

Hi Pink C
ok - I thought this 'I don't get it' has been put to bed - but I see it's not
so lets make (virtual) eye contact, synchronize our watches, and lets be clear!
I understand the advise given; which is:
1. some women at work would, or could find it offensive to be commented on their appearance.
2. if she is offended, she can cause a lot of unwanted trouble for me at work
3. there are other ways of common expressions to be polite, without taking a risk of commenting on her appearance
4. there is no need to take a chance of getting into trouble at work
5. stop being childish, and risky and just stay professional, keep comments clean, and speak to co-works known or new with curtsy and respect
6. the work place is a place of work, and should be treated as such. not like a night club looking for the next jump off
7. lastly, it's showing disrespect making slang comments towards women by calling / referring to her as a chick

are we all on the same page now?