The Kids in College Thread

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Anyone interested in participating in one?  Parents of past/current/future college students are extremely encouraged to post.  I'm old.  College is VERY different from when I went (probably reflects how different the world is).  While certainly money, jobs/careers, and wellness were at stake when I went, I have the perception (even if the economics don't bear it out) that there is so much more pressure now.  Or, maybe it's just my kids.  

For example, ODS, an irrepressible optimist like me, his mother, has hit a bit of a rough patch.  I'm not running 400 miles to fix it, but do want to offer some distant general guidance.  At $50k per year, there definitely is some motivation to calm the waters, kwim?

Anyone care to join in with questions/concerns/observations/anecdotes/horror stories?  

[Deleted]

I don't have one yet, but would love to read those a few years ahead of me!

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Mar 3, 2016 10:45:54 GMT -5 oped said:

I don't have one yet, but would love to read those a few years ahead of me!

I've read with great interest posts over the years by Alabamagal, Busy, Teen, Debt, and others who have one or more already in, or done with, college.

I'm looking to mine the collective experience out there. :-)

[ken a.k.a OMK]

When we went to college (1970) our parents were raising siblings and knew nothing about college. We had to be independent.

When our son went (2000) he was independent but knew we could help having been through it.

School can be intimidating. Add in decisions on housing, food, money and some social life and it can get overwhelming.

Some money in an ATM card helps. I remember my son learning not to check his balance two times then take out $10 and check it again. He overdrew but we got the fee waived once. It was a special account for college kids, not a $5k line or anything like that. Maybe it was a debit. My wife could add money here from home. College food plan was hard to pick. He ended up skipping it and eating out with friends. Probably the local pub. The nearest one was right where the college property ended and the city began.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Maybe I'm romanticizing my college days, but it just seemed easier to be independent. Heck, I went full-time and cash-flowed it myself from part-time jobs. Kids today no longer have that ability given the exhorbitant cost. So, like it or not, they are still fairly dependent on parent help.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

College was more affordable back then. Not everyone needs a degree and going into big debt isn't wise.

I was a co-op student and worked for the Navy doing research 6 months a year while living at my parents. Lucky to get the job in Annapolis and live in Baltimore. Salary plus some financial aid helped. Lived in a fraternity house at school. There was no men's dorm. I also worked part time doing dishes at the girls dorm. Didn't pay much but great benefits.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

For kids who are undecided about a major, I think community college is a good choice. It's cheap and you get the first 2 years of general studies out of the way while you make up your mind and learn the college ropes. Transfer to a 4 year school to finish up or join the work force.

ETA. I knew I wanted to be an Electrical Engineer since I was 14. My parents were tired of me taking their electronics apart to see how they worked.

[andi9899]

I tried to get Thing 1 to go to community college for a couple of years before going to the university, but she didn't listen. Now she wishes she had because she will graduate with about $25K in student loans. Not a huge amount, but still significant. Maybe now she'll start listening to her mother. Yeah, I won't hold my breath.

[jeep108]

My daughter decided to do her first two years at the community college.  She'll transfer to the University later. 

[wvugurl26]

I think this is less of a problem in other states but I'll still say it. If you do community college make sure the classes will transfer to the university and what they will count as at the university level.

I know a lot of people who've gone to a branch of my university and later found out they didn't transfer. They just this year signed an agreement between the two campuses transferring and admitting people from a small group of majors.

[jeep108]

I have not heard of any problems of credits transferring from MCC to ASU.  She has a few friends that have already transferred from the MCC to ASU without any problems.

[Regis]

I've got one that's been out for almost three years, another about to graduate in May and the third is finishing her sophomore year.  In state public, in state private and out of state public.  Like a good YMer, I've tracked every single penny we've spent for each.

Extremely busy at work today and weekend is pretty booked.  Might be early next week before I get back to this thread.

[happyhoix]

For example, ODS, an irrepressible optimist like me, his mother, has hit a bit of a rough patch. I'm not running 400 miles to fix it, but do want to offer some distant general guidance. At $50k per year, there definitely is some motivation to calm the waters, kwim?

Is his rough patch a problem with one of his classes or a financial problem?

 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Mar 3, 2016 13:26:26 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

For example, ODS, an irrepressible optimist like me, his mother, has hit a bit of a rough patch. I'm not running 400 miles to fix it, but do want to offer some distant general guidance. At $50k per year, there definitely is some motivation to calm the waters, kwim?

Is his rough patch a problem with one of his classes or a financial problem?

 

It's an academic course issue. Which at $50k/year, I expect more academic support. But, maybe I shouldn't be looking at it from a financial perspective.

[happyhoix]

Mar 3, 2016 13:30:59 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Mar 3, 2016 13:26:26 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Is his rough patch a problem with one of his classes or a financial problem?

 

It's an academic course issue. Which at $50k/year, I expect more academic support. But, maybe I shouldn't be looking at it from a financial perspective.

 What size are his classes? At some of the bigger colleges we looked at, professors taught classes of several hundred students, in big auditoriums. Good luck if you're having academic issues in that kind of a class.

DS ended up going to a smaller tech school, which was probably good for him. As introverted as he is, I couldn't see him even raising his hand to ask a question in an auditorium with four hundred other kids.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Fortunately, like your DS, mine is at a small school -- 15
kids/class usually.

He's juggling college courses and college sports for the first time and feeling overwhelmed. One course (a second semester of a progressive course) took a HUGE leap in expectations and he is frustrated trying to elevate his skills to that expectation. He is an earnest young man, which
can be a blessing and a curse. Unfortunately, there is also a communication issue in play complicating things.

It has the potential to be a fabulous growth opportunity for him on many levels. He just needs some GENERAL guidance to plan his attack on the issue. It's easy, at $50k
per year, to want to swoop in and fix it so we don't lose any of our "investment". But, I won't. Not yet anyway. I was caught unprepared for this (hopefully, minor) obstacle. He'd settled in well, so far.

[973beachbum]

GRG I would suggest he go and talk to the prof during office hours or after class.  This type of thing happens a lot!  I think on colleges the profs are probably the most underutilized resource on campus.    The next step would be tutoring but first I would talk with the prof.

My DD is a soph.  She said the kids who seemed to have the biggest problems were the ones who were at the top of their class in HS.  She was super surprised that she was actually getting better grades in some classes than kids she knew who graduated at the top of their class with 4.0's.  She was a 3.1 student in the middle.  The difference seems to be she had to work hard to get that 3.1.  The kids who were super smart can falter learning in college how to study and do the assignment the way it was assigned. 

It is a learning curve but most kids do figure it out.

[alabamagal]

My advice was always "go to class, do all the assignments and do your best".  Got 2 through college like that and 3rd has one more year.

My kids went to a VERY small private high school where the teachers cared a lot about their success.  In college, you can get a wide range of professors.  I also told my kids that it is not uncommon (expecially in STEM courses) for professors to be really tough so that everyone is struggling, but in the end if you stick with it the grades.  I went to one of the top engineering schools in the country and it was not uncommon for test averages to be under 50 points out of 100.  I also took some classes where I was totally lost - physical chemistry first semester I got a D.  I ended up graduating with honors.  Sometimes you just have to hang in there.

One time middle son called and said he was having a really tough time in one of his classes, he did bad on the first test and it was really tough.  I told him to get his butt in gear, because if you can get an A in Advanced Calculus, there is no way you should be failing your Fitness Walking PE class.  He ended up with a B.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mar 3, 2016 13:04:24 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I think this is less of a problem in other states but I'll still say it. If you do community college make sure the classes will transfer to the university and what they will count as at the university level.

  I was with someone at Simspon who ended up being downgraded to sophomore status because not enough of his credits transferred.

You need to make sure whatever CC you pick has a transfer agreement with whatever school you will get your bachelor's at and then match classes as close as possible.

I did a credit audit every semester.  I'd send Simpson my transcripts and they'd go thru and send me a report showing what counted and what didn't.   That way I made sure I came in as a junior.

It did save me some money but it only goes so far.   They aren't going to have EVERY class you need to take to graduate from your chosen four year in time.   It takes A LOT of planning and A LOT of organization to make sure you don't screw yourself into having to take more semesters than you need.


I also took some classes where I was totally lost - physical chemistry first semester I got a D.

Did you have to take it or did you elect to take it?  Just curious b/c if you elected to take it you be crazy.

Simpson handed out bumper stickers at the end of P-chem that said "I survived P-chem".   The only people who took it were the people required to take it such as the chemistry and pre-med majors.

[jeep108]

Mar 3, 2016 14:05:57 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

GRG I would suggest he go and talk to the prof during office hours or after class.  This type of thing happens a lot!  I think on colleges the profs are probably the most underutilized resource on campus.    The next step would be tutoring but first I would talk with the prof.

My DD is a soph.  She said the kids who seemed to have the biggest problems were the ones who were at the top of their class in HS.  She was super surprised that she was actually getting better grades in some classes than kids she knew who graduated at the top of their class with 4.0's.  She was a 3.1 student in the middle.  The difference seems to be she had to work hard to get that 3.1.  The kids who were super smart can falter learning in college how to study and do the assignment the way it was assigned. 

It is a learning curve but most kids do figure it out.

This would be my daughter.  Things came really easy in high school and she was dual enrolled in high school.  So she thought college would be so easy.   The first semester was an eye opener for her.  She's a lot less stressed and grades are better this second semester.  

[andi9899]

Mar 3, 2016 14:14:57 GMT -5 jeep108 said:

Mar 3, 2016 14:05:57 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

GRG I would suggest he go and talk to the prof during office hours or after class.  This type of thing happens a lot!  I think on colleges the profs are probably the most underutilized resource on campus.    The next step would be tutoring but first I would talk with the prof.

My DD is a soph.  She said the kids who seemed to have the biggest problems were the ones who were at the top of their class in HS.  She was super surprised that she was actually getting better grades in some classes than kids she knew who graduated at the top of their class with 4.0's.  She was a 3.1 student in the middle.  The difference seems to be she had to work hard to get that 3.1.  The kids who were super smart can falter learning in college how to study and do the assignment the way it was assigned. 

It is a learning curve but most kids do figure it out.

This would be my daughter.  Things came really easy in high school and she was dual enrolled in high school.  So she thought college would be so easy.   The first semester was an eye opener for her.  She's a lot less stressed and grades are better this second semester.  

Exactly what happened with Thing 1. It opened her eyes a bit. I'm hoping for better this second semester.

[wyouser]

I agree, back in the dark ages, you know, that last century, or more precisely that last millennium, college was way cheaper. I was lucky to get on at the University Dairy Research complex. Work schedule began at 4 am an ran until 8am mornings and then there was the second shift from 4pm through 8 pm. Weekends I could pick up some 12  hour days. Anyway I could schedule 40 hours work per week and still have every day open for class (generally 9am to 3:30 pm) Though money was tight I never really ran out of peanut butter and jelly. Now, I did have to endure a lot of hazing working there. The University was an AG school. Nearly all the students working there (except me) were going into something related to Agriculture. So I was always getting ribbed about being this guy majoring in German, Political Science, and history with an English minor milking cows at a dairy research facility. But, I had them really. You see the cows we dealt with were Holstein-Friessen (German Origin) and Brown Swiss (Swiss origin) . They needed someone there who could translate English to those poor animals....

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Sounds like wyouser got a degree in animal psychology.

[alabamagal]

I also took some classes where I was totally lost - physical chemistry first semester I got a D.



Did you have to take it or did you elect to take it? Just curious b/c if you elected to take it you be crazy.


PChem definitely required for my major.  The biggest problem was that it was the first semester after transferring and I didn't know anyone.  Also I later found out that you didn't have to take the 3 semesters in order and everyone else took PChem2 and 3, then 1.  After PChem 1 then 2 and 3 were easy 

[zibazinski]

Send a care package. I send DD a card every week and she usually gets it when she needs it the most!

[wvugurl26]

Mar 3, 2016 19:16:52 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Send a care package. I send DD a card every week and she usually gets it when she needs it the most!

Definitely this!! I was lonely my first year. I had friends but I missed things going on at home. Plus I didn't have a cell phone so a lot of times I missed people I wanted to talk to. We made a habit out of checking our mail every day after lunch. Any little card or something was awesome.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

I was lucky having some high school friends at college. Home was only 2 hours away. Sophomore year was really easy meeting my future wife. That's a heads up for you mothers. Many marriages start from college dates.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Mar 3, 2016 20:31:05 GMT -5 ken a.k.a OMK said:

I was lucky having some high school friends at college. Home was only 2 hours away. Sophomore year was really easy meeting my future wife. That's a heads up for you mothers. Many marriages start from college dates.

Na na na na naaaaaaa...I can't hear youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!

[teen persuasion]

All I can think to say tonight: every kid is different; every college is different, every major is different.  DD1 and DS2 have graduated, DD3 is in her third year, and I feel like I'm starting from scratch with DS4.  

He is another kid who I am gently prodding to start at CC, but he thinks he's going to fancy tech U (still waiting on acceptance there).  His Regents grades in math and sciences are poor, yet he wants to do Computer Science.  I believe he'd be better getting his feet wet at a CC, get a few certs and make sure he really wants CS (or even which direction in CS, since it has expanded so much since I did it).

[happyhoix]

Mar 3, 2016 14:11:37 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

My advice was always "go to class, do all the assignments and do your best".  Got 2 through college like that and 3rd has one more year.

My kids went to a VERY small private high school where the teachers cared a lot about their success.  In college, you can get a wide range of professors.  I also told my kids that it is not uncommon (expecially in STEM courses) for professors to be really tough so that everyone is struggling, but in the end if you stick with it the grades.  I went to one of the top engineering schools in the country and it was not uncommon for test averages to be under 50 points out of 100.  I also took some classes where I was totally lost - physical chemistry first semester I got a D.  I ended up graduating with honors.  Sometimes you just have to hang in there.

One time middle son called and said he was having a really tough time in one of his classes, he did bad on the first test and it was really tough.  I told him to get his butt in gear, because if you can get an A in Advanced Calculus, there is no way you should be failing your Fitness Walking PE class.  He ended up with a B.

LOL my son, the industrial engineer math whizz, had the hardest time with Art Appreciation, a freshman general ed class. Mostly because it was an on line computer class (he needs the discipline of going to a classroom) but also, I think the whole concept of 'art' goes over his science geek head.