Should he replace her shoes?

[mollyanna58]

Feb 29, 2016 13:35:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Feb 28, 2016 13:56:39 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

WTE?

They were very polite about saying it. They won't totally cut us off. But, I think that they, as a couple, there won't be effort to see us like BIL used to make as a single guy..During the rehearsal dinner there were lots of "We're glad you are staying here, your home is now with our daughter in our state, etc. etc. etc." There wasn't really any talk of two families joining together.

I'm likely to go and edit parts of my post...it will be easy to find me..and I really shouldn't be saying such things..because public space.

Your BIL is a grownup, who should be able to decide whom he associates with.

Maybe even with limited visits, your new SIL will decide she likes your family better than her controlling one.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 29, 2016 13:35:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Feb 28, 2016 13:56:39 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

WTE?

I know the whole "A son is a son til he takes a wife; a daughter's a daughter for all of her life" has some truth to it; many women are closer to their own family than their in-laws.  But to just come out and state "say adios to your family, because you have to cut them off" is horrible.

They were very polite about saying it. They won't totally cut us off. But, I think that they, as a couple, there won't be effort to see us like BIL used to make as a single guy..During the rehearsal dinner there were lots of "We're glad you are staying here, your home is now with our daughter in our state, etc. etc. etc." There wasn't really any talk of two families joining together.

I'm likely to go and edit parts of my post...it will be easy to find me..and I really shouldn't be saying such things..because public space.

But this is natural as you go from a single person to married.

Hell, I was the single person with my friends and family and I did ALL the visiting.  I can count on my thumbs the number of times where they visited me in some 25 years but I was the one that was on a plane every Christmas, or any other occasion.  We can't come to see you during summer vacation, but you are more than welcome here....so I went because I wanted to see my sister.

Now that I am with someone, there is the inevitable discussion as to who is getting what holiday and now there are twice as many people, so I am not seeing my family near as much as I used to.

[giramomma]

Feb 29, 2016 14:17:49 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 29, 2016 13:35:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

They were very polite about saying it. They won't totally cut us off. But, I think that they, as a couple, there won't be effort to see us like BIL used to make as a single guy..During the rehearsal dinner there were lots of "We're glad you are staying here, your home is now with our daughter in our state, etc. etc. etc." There wasn't really any talk of two families joining together.

I'm likely to go and edit parts of my post...it will be easy to find me..and I really shouldn't be saying such things..because public space.

But this is natural as you go from a single person to married.

Hell, I was the single person with my friends and family and I did ALL the visiting.  I can count on my thumbs the number of times where they visited me in some 25 years but I was the one that was on a plane every Christmas, or any other occasion.  We can't come to see you during summer vacation, but you are more than welcome here....so I went because I wanted to see my sister.

Now that I am with someone, there is the inevitable discussion as to who is getting what holiday and now there are twice as many people, so I am not seeing my family near as much as I used to.

Right. I understand that things have changed..and I would expect them to. I understand that BIL and his wife are now have to manage several sets of families. But, they don't have to travel to visit anyone other than us. All of SIL's family live in the same city that BIL and SIL live in.

It isn't just the visits..it's also other things..too...small comments here and there..

And, we are just different people. Which doesn't really help, either. And there's no right/wrong with that. Just is.

When my kids grow up and have families of their own, I expect that DH and I will take on the onus of visiting the kids as long as they will have us.

[quince]

Feb 29, 2016 12:07:12 GMT -5 oped said:

Feb 29, 2016 12:00:14 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones?

I would. I agreed to watch child. My responsibility. If my house isn't kid proof, then it's my job to supervise.

I would say the same thing...if the kid is young. If it is a 14 year old kid, I should not have to childproof my house or keep an eagle eye out all the time unless I am explicitly warned that the kid has developmental or behavioral issues.

[TheHaitian]

Feb 29, 2016 14:17:49 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 29, 2016 13:35:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

They were very polite about saying it. They won't totally cut us off. But, I think that they, as a couple, there won't be effort to see us like BIL used to make as a single guy..During the rehearsal dinner there were lots of "We're glad you are staying here, your home is now with our daughter in our state, etc. etc. etc." There wasn't really any talk of two families joining together.

I'm likely to go and edit parts of my post...it will be easy to find me..and I really shouldn't be saying such things..because public space.

But this is natural as you go from a single person to married.

Hell, I was the single person with my friends and family and I did ALL the visiting.  I can count on my thumbs the number of times where they visited me in some 25 years but I was the one that was on a plane every Christmas, or any other occasion.  We can't come to see you during summer vacation, but you are more than welcome here....so I went because I wanted to see my sister.

Now that I am with someone, there is the inevitable discussion as to who is getting what holiday and now there are twice as many people, so I am not seeing my family near as much as I used to.

Thank you, I was going to mention that as well.... You cannot make everyone happy, someone is bound to get the end of the stick or someone family will not care as much.

My wife cousin celebrates most if not all holidays with her husband family because her family doesn't make a fuss over it so it has been established during 15 years of marriage.

We were the "no kids" people and we were expected to be the ones that travel and we did for the first 7 years of our marriage (reason why I have 195,000 on my car alone). Now it is getting old and we are ok with going 6 months without seeing family members and they are more than welcome to visit us anytime they want.

And it is easier for us since we are both not that attached to our respective families, we like them but we are ok with starting our own traditions and everyone is invited to celebrate with us: ex we are hosting Easter Dinner this year like we did this year; might be just the 3 of us or 10 of us... Invitation is open to everyone

[beergut]

Feb 28, 2016 8:33:54 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Feb 27, 2016 22:48:18 GMT -5 beergut said:

 I believe GF agreed to watch the dog as a favor to her son. 

17YO would let the dog sleep in her room. From what I understand, 17YO talked to her older brother on the phone yesterday, explained what happened, and he said he couldn't replace her shoes. 

After this, I'm in camp no pay.

The Dog chewed through 1 pair of shoes prior to this, which no one seems to care about, but I'm presuming folks all knew. 

 14YO hasn't complained about the shoe he lost, and he has other pairs, so I don't think this is an issue for him. Generally speaking, guys don't have the emotional attachment to their shoes that some women develop (unless it is an overpriced pair of Air Jordans). 

I don't know if the 14YO has a favorite pair of shoes. This was 17YO's favorite pair of sandals. 

[whoami]

My son grew up in a house with a well trained dog that we kept kenneled unless she was being supervised until she was pretty much through the destructive puppy faze.  

His roommate decided to get a puppy.  The dog has destroyed countless items of everyone's including DS.  I told him after the first thing that was destroyed, whatever the dog ate was his fault (humans not dog)  Keep your stuff put away.  People who haven't raised a puppy before may not be aware of how high maintenance they are.  

I do think he is being stupid however.  Boarding the dog would be a whole lot more expensive than the 100 shoes.  Why is the dog not in a kennel during the day when its not being watched.  I don't think its reasonable to expect a bunch of kids to protect every little thing they own while this puppy runs uninhibited through the house.  Did he provide a kennel or a pen to keep the dog under control?  I'm not sure how you are supposed to "supervise" a puppy 24/7 if you cant contain it.

[beergut]

She is put in a kennel during the day when everyone is away. 

I believe this happened during her kennel-free time. I wasn't there when it happened, just heard about the phone conversation between 17YO and older brother later. 

[Ombud]

Feb 29, 2016 12:00:14 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones?

Yes my answer would have been the same even though dogs are not people no matter how much some want to make it seem that way (like lil sis)

[8 Bit WWBG]

Since there is more than enough blame to go around, can't each party just chip in a share and they call it even?

[8 Bit WWBG]

To address some of the other points:

I agree that homeowners about to take in any guests need to do a once-over and think about anything that could get damaged.  That being said, things can also get damaged in an instant.  Like, you kick your shoes off and while you are taking off your coat, the dog already has them in his mouth (not saying that's what happened here).

As an animal owner, I'd also feel I'm taking a risk letting someone else watch my pets.  There is always some little detail that fails to get lost in discussion.  People who aren't used to caring for pets don't automatically do the things that people with pets are used to doing.

I suppose beerguts household could be passive aggressive here.  Don't want to pay for my shoes?  No problem.  But we are no longer able to take care of your dog.  Please pick him up today.  Otherwise, please make arrangements for boarding and we'll be happy to drop him there.  Bet that $100 sounds a lot more attractive now.

I do see the points about how a failure to safeguard something that a dog is attracted to constitutes some culpability as well.  Beergut's GF is helping the son out by watching the pets.  And yes, perhaps it is just that $100 is hard to come by at this moment while attempting to set up a new household.

So yeah, they really should just each chip in $33.33 and call it a day.  That is a small price to pay to preserve some harmony.

[bean29]

Feb 29, 2016 13:38:52 GMT -5 cktc said:

GF agreed to watch the dog for no compensation. Asking for compensation when she fails to look after it is just ridiculous. What if the family's negligence resulted in the dog getting sick or injured, would she send her son the vet bill? If GF has decided that she over committed, she can ask him to find someone else to watch the dog. If it is just the daughter that has an issue with the arrangement then she can consider it a life lesson. Mom is not required to reimburse her.

Huh, even if my Dog gets sick b/c a family member was negligent, it is still my Dog, and vet bills are my responsibility.

How do the kids feel about watching the puppy? Do they want to keep dog sitting and accept the risk to their stuff or do they want it gone (knowing they may have to put it up for adoption)?

My family just fostered a puppy for a month, puppies are a lot of work, but they are also lots of fun.

I am not holding the Mother responsible for not telling her kids to put their shoes away. I try that regularly. My son is pretty good, my daughter is another story.

[cktc]

Mar 5, 2016 23:32:47 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Feb 29, 2016 13:38:52 GMT -5 cktc said:

GF agreed to watch the dog for no compensation. Asking for compensation when she fails to look after it is just ridiculous. What if the family's negligence resulted in the dog getting sick or injured, would she send her son the vet bill? If GF has decided that she over committed, she can ask him to find someone else to watch the dog. If it is just the daughter that has an issue with the arrangement then she can consider it a life lesson. Mom is not required to reimburse her.

Huh, even if my Dog gets sick b/c a family member was negligent, it is still my Dog, and vet bills are my responsibility.

How do the kids feel about watching the puppy? Do they want to keep dog sitting and accept the risk to their stuff or do they want it gone (knowing they may have to put it up for adoption)?

My family just fostered a puppy for a month, puppies are a lot of work, but they are also lots of fun.

I am not holding the Mother responsible for not telling her kids to put their shoes away. I try that regularly. My son is pretty good, my daughter is another story.

I meant the family should be responsible if they let the dog get into chocolate or chicken bones, or let it loose and it got hit by a car, not your average sick dog trip to the vet. If they couldn't afford to pay the bill that would be one thing, but I would feel responsible if something happened on my watch.

Since you brought up fostering, would you ever expect the shelter to reimburse you for messes or damage or would you consider that a risk of the agreement?

[bean29]

The puppy we fostered peed a couple times on my new carpet. It is not totally unexpected with a puppy. Of course we just went through puppy training a year ago. The puppy we fostered belonged to a client of DH's. He offered to resell it for client. We did not ask for anything. I certainly spent some money on it while we had it.

My 18 year old worked pretty hard on social media trying to find the puppy a forever home. In the end, another client adopted him.

[bean29]

CKTC,

I have a friend who's brother lost her Dog while she was on vacation. Dog got out. It was a small dog, we assume it was stolen. I think her brother wanted to replace it and she said no.

I also knew a college girl who's dog got into chocolate and nearly died. The vet bills were thousands of $$. Daddy paid, but it was not his fault.

My SIL was dog sitting her sister's dog. It was something like a shepherd or a setter. Someone came to the door. She was holding the dog, opened the door, and the dog pulled her out the door and broke her arm so bad that she had pins put in arm and has had 2 surgeries. I am sure they did not ask or expect any compensation. Sometimes sh!t happens.

[beergut]

Well, we have a conclusion of sorts on this thread. 

17YO received her income tax refund, and went out and bought a new pair of sandals, cost $113. 

I found this out when she called me to ask if I would transfer money into her account so she could buy a prom dress. When I asked how much the dress cost, she said, "$360."

I told her to hold on, assuming she didn't know the tax refund just hit her account, knowing that the account balance should cover the full cost of this dress. When I saw she just spent $113 on something, I asked what it was, she said the sandals. 

Well, if you chose to buy the sandals, you also chose not to buy the dress today. 

She wanted me to 'loan' her the money to cover the remaining cost of the dress, and GF (who had told her she'd give her up to $200 for a dress) would pay me back. I said no.

Then she said if I 'loaned' her the money, she'd pay me back with the $50 she is getting every week. Nope, not setting up a payment plan so she can get a dress today. The store won't hold the dress for her, or do layaway, so she is worried it might be gone if she doesn't buy it today. The purpose of the $50 a week plan was to teach the kids how to manage money. Making a purchase for one want has consequences, namely that you may not be able to afford another want. 

She says 'whatever', hangs up on me. 

Five minutes later, I'm on the phone with a casino in Vegas, and I receive a text from GF. 17YO claims I was angry at her for buying sandals. Uh, no. I explain what happened to GF.

GF apparently called 17YO and told her she supports my decision. 17YO then gets upset, claims I've always favored the 16YO over her, and always give her whatever she wants. (Apparently, 16YO asking me to pick up a candy bar for her when I swing by the store after going to the gym is completely analogous to buying a $360 prom dress.)    

So, no need for her older brother to replace her sandals, she bought her own. 

[Ombud]

[8 Bit WWBG]

So... I kind of want to hear about why he was on the phone with a casino in Vegas!  Maybe he was placing odds on whether the 17 year old would blow through her money.

I'm glad to hear the GF backs you up on this one.

[beergut]

I am making my annual trip to Vegas next week. There is a group of six of us, my brother, father, and three uncles. We've gone every year since '06, and we always go for the NCAA Tournament. Sometimes we go for opening weekend, sometimes Sweet Sixteen weekend. This year, it is opening weekend, but we're heading out on Tuesday instead of the normal Thursday.

I was on the phone with the casino because I have reservations at three different places, and they were calling me back so I could adjust the dates of my reservation. 

[zibazinski]

This is going to be interesting

[8 Bit WWBG]

I'm just messing with you.  That was an interesting detail to have in the middle of a story that actually seems to be turning out quite well for you and GF.

So the 17yo got a windfall and immediately replaced the shoes -- but without calculating the required funding to have for the dress (or without even considering it).  Very good point that she chose the shoes over the dress at that point.

Awh beergut you should totally lend her money, but take the shoes as collateral and charge payday loan rates!  $20 for every 2 weeks the debt remains outstanding.  And "garnish" $40 out of the $50 she gets weekly by having your GF pay you directly (which you said she'd do).  Her getting a measly $10 instead of $50 for the next 4 weeks will really make that lesson stand out.

That being said, she probably won't learn the lesson because it wasn't her fault the shoes got ruined so she got punished unduly (and I suppose getting used to being punished for someone else is an important life lesson as well).

Also, somehow this will have ruined her life.  I think that is "teenager" for "you did the right thing." 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Mar 12, 2016 4:31:43 GMT -5 beergut said:

I am making my annual trip to Vegas next week. There is a group of six of us, my brother, father, and three uncles. We've gone every year since '06, and we always go for the NCAA Tournament. Sometimes we go for opening weekend, sometimes Sweet Sixteen weekend. This year, it is opening weekend, but we're heading out on Tuesday instead of the normal Thursday.

I was on the phone with the casino because I have reservations at three different places, and they were calling me back so I could adjust the dates of my reservation. 

My husband would be totally jealous. Have fun! Go Ducks!

[beergut]

 Knee Deep in Water Chloe,

Congrats on the #1 seed.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Mar 13, 2016 22:07:43 GMT -5 beergut said:

 Knee Deep in Water Chloe ,

Congrats on the #1 seed.

Thanks! We're quite excited. 

[tallguy]

Mar 13, 2016 22:41:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Mar 13, 2016 22:07:43 GMT -5 beergut said:

 Knee Deep in Water Chloe ,

Congrats on the #1 seed.

Thanks! We're quite excited. 

And you just can't hide it
You're about to lose control and I think you like it

[beergut]

Mar 13, 2016 22:41:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Mar 13, 2016 22:07:43 GMT -5 beergut said:

 Knee Deep in Water Chloe ,

Congrats on the #1 seed.

Thanks! We're quite excited. 

I'm happy we're a #3 seed, but think our bracket is a little idiotic. texas is a #6 and Baylor is a #5; we already played and beat both by double-digits. If A&M and texas both win their first game, we'll play them again in the second round. Kinda silly. If we beat them again (assuming they get past UNI), we play Oklahoma in the Sweet Sixteen. It's like they're trying to force a Big 12 reunion.

[wvugurl26]

Mar 14, 2016 1:37:04 GMT -5 beergut said:

Mar 13, 2016 22:41:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Thanks! We're quite excited. 

I'm happy we're a #3 seed, but think our bracket is a little idiotic. texas is a #6 and Baylor is a #5; we already played and beat both by double-digits. If A&M and texas both win their first game, we'll play them again in the second round. Kinda silly. If we beat them again (assuming they get past UNI), we play Oklahoma in the Sweet Sixteen. It's like they're trying to force a Big 12 reunion.

It's utter bs that WVU got a #3 seed. And they are hell bent on keeping us and Kentucky together year after year. Although the "experts" picked us to finish 6th in the Big 12. I guess though by being in the East we could take the train to Brooklyn to see the opening rounds if I wanted to.

[mollyanna58]

Mar 10, 2016 23:52:02 GMT -5 beergut said:

I told her to hold on, assuming she didn't know the tax refund just hit her account, knowing that the account balance should cover the full cost of this dress. When I saw she just spent $113 on something, I asked what it was, she said the sandals. 

Am I reading this correctly: you have online access to 17yo's account?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mar 14, 2016 9:58:34 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Mar 10, 2016 23:52:02 GMT -5 beergut said:

I told her to hold on, assuming she didn't know the tax refund just hit her account, knowing that the account balance should cover the full cost of this dress. When I saw she just spent $113 on something, I asked what it was, she said the sandals. 

Am I reading this correctly: you have online access to 17yo's account?

If he is asked by her to transfer money into it, I'd assume so.  How else would he do so?  

A 17 year old cannot have an account without an adult on it.  I believe he said he went with her to open the account.

[beergut]

Mar 14, 2016 6:23:34 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

Mar 14, 2016 1:37:04 GMT -5 beergut said:

I'm happy we're a #3 seed, but think our bracket is a little idiotic. texas is a #6 and Baylor is a #5; we already played and beat both by double-digits. If A&M and texas both win their first game, we'll play them again in the second round. Kinda silly. If we beat them again (assuming they get past UNI), we play Oklahoma in the Sweet Sixteen. It's like they're trying to force a Big 12 reunion.

It's utter bs that WVU got a #3 seed. And they are hell bent on keeping us and Kentucky together year after year. Although the "experts" picked us to finish 6th in the Big 12. I guess though by being in the East we could take the train to Brooklyn to see the opening rounds if I wanted to.

 I'm guessing their justification for that is while your only 'bad' loss was to Florida, who didn't make the Dance, you lost twice to a #2 seed (Oklahoma) before beating them in the conference tournament, and twice to a #6 seed (texas). I guess that equals a #3 seed?