beergut
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Post by beergut on Feb 27, 2016 22:53:48 GMT -5
Not your circus or your monkeys. Oh, I'm not taking sides in this situation. I do think he should replace her shoes. Reality is, if I have a puppy and my brother decides to do me a solid and help out by watching it for me for a few days, and my puppy chews up something of real personal value to him, I'm apologizing and replacing it as soon as I can. That's simply what you do for family.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Feb 28, 2016 0:01:56 GMT -5
How does somebody have 3 dogs and not be able to afford a $100 issue with one of the dogs. I'm going to guess he just doesn't want to pay. I was at a party once and a group asked me to take a pic of them. As a girl handed me her camera, it slipped out of my hand and fell on the hardwood floor. It was a really, really old piece of crap camera. My boyfriend at the time was friends with her and told me a week later she wanted me to pay for her to fix her camera. I couldn't believe it, clearly it was an accident. It was $100 for a camera shop to fix it. I sucked it up and did it, but I really didn't think I should have to pay it and I definitely thought $100 was too much for a piece of crap older digital camera.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 28, 2016 0:08:44 GMT -5
Here's the thing though: My answer as a fully functioning adult with actual money and money management skills is different than my answer as an 18-22 year old with no extra money and dealing with something that happened in my parents house.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Feb 28, 2016 0:09:47 GMT -5
Next time someone wants to use you as cheap boarding house for their dogs there is that little word NO that works every time. No chewed up shoes and shit about who pays for what. Problem solved.
And don't feel bad about saying NO, they will keep asking people till someone say yes and then the cycle starts all over about shoes and shit
ETA: But cycle is at someone else's house~~ If you only knew.... GF and I had an argument about her taking in the dog. She took in the dog because she wanted to help out her son. She told me that "she'd look like a real b*tch" if her DIL's parents took in two dogs, and she refused to take in one and help out. I explained to her that if she has a problem telling her DIL 'no' that she should leave it up to me, I have no problem whatsoever saying that word. I've never really commented before on your GF, but if she is worried how she is going to look to her DIL's parents......
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Feb 28, 2016 2:58:10 GMT -5
Yes, of course. And since it is his wife's dog, he should feed it HER shoes instead. That should enable them to save enough on dog food to pay for the shoes. Problem solved.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 28, 2016 5:03:52 GMT -5
Not your circus or your monkeys. Oh, I'm not taking sides in this situation. I do think he should replace her shoes. Reality is, if I have a puppy and my brother decides to do me a solid and help out by watching it for me for a few days, and my puppy chews up something of real personal value to him, I'm apologizing and replacing it as soon as I can. That's simply what you do for family. I agree but you need to stay out of it unless he eats your shoes. This is a no win situation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 7:28:58 GMT -5
Ooohh...this has a lot of sides to it.
If I'm going to agree to having an animal (or toddler) in my home, then it's my responsibility to take care of my stuff. If I make six figures, I'm probably not going to ask some one making in the $30K/year range for money. If I'm trying to teach my child to be responsible, I'd let the natural consequence take place.
I don't see how someone's income is relevant when talking about damage done to someone else. If a person on welfare smashes into your car, should they say, "You make more than I do, therefore you shouldn't ask me to fix your car"? It's relevant in this pcase because someone making $30k/year might not be able to afford to replace a $100 pair of shoes. If a person on welfare smashes into your car, they should have car insurance to cover the cost of fixing your car. That's kind of required by law if you're operating a vehicle. I kind of don't get making a big deal about the shoes. If the shoes were so important, they should have been put away. If someone willfully destroys my property or does something just plain stupid and destroys my property, yes I'd expect them to pay. Something like this, where I could have easily tried to prevent it, I'd appreciate an offer to replace the shoes but even with that I'd probably decline the offer.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 28, 2016 7:33:43 GMT -5
Closing the door to her bedroom would have solved this issue. If she left her shoes out? Well, it's a tragedy but it's a puppy. Lesson learned
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 28, 2016 8:33:54 GMT -5
I believe GF agreed to watch the dog as a favor to her son. 17YO would let the dog sleep in her room. From what I understand, 17YO talked to her older brother on the phone yesterday, explained what happened, and he said he couldn't replace her shoes. After this, I'm in camp no pay. The Dog chewed through 1 pair of shoes prior to this, which no one seems to care about, but I'm presuming folks all knew. The dog is invited to sleep in a room that hasn't been dog proofed. And we're now mad at the oldest son? It sounds like your GF treats her daughters differently (more favorably) than her sons.. My older two kids went through "If you like your shit, pick it up so the baby doesn't destroy it. or If you don't want the baby to touch it, pick it up and put it away.." I would assume it would also apply to dogs. Instead of the 17 yo expecting natural consequences, she's expecting someone else to pay for her mistake... And why are you so surprised that your GF cares what other people think? From how she spends, that shouldn't even be a thing. But also, in her situation, I would totally be thinking what she's thinking. I'm totally afraid that we are going to lose my son to his wife's family....Tell him that her parents are family and ensure that we are in the picture as little as possible. In effect, losing our son when he gets married. As DS's mother, I would do anything and everything to prevent that. Even if it meant taking in an imperfectly trained puppy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 8:46:42 GMT -5
Just for the sake of maintaining the peace and unity within, I say pay for the cost of the sandals, and let lessons be learned. Hopefully.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 28, 2016 8:52:06 GMT -5
I believe GF agreed to watch the dog as a favor to her son. 17YO would let the dog sleep in her room. From what I understand, 17YO talked to her older brother on the phone yesterday, explained what happened, and he said he couldn't replace her shoes. After this, I'm in camp no pay. The Dog chewed through 1 pair of shoes prior to this, which no one seems to care about, but I'm presuming folks all knew. The dog is invited to sleep in a room that hasn't been dog proofed. And we're now mad at the oldest son? It sounds like your GF treats her daughters differently (more favorably) than her sons.. My older two kids went through "If you like your shit, pick it up so the baby doesn't destroy it. or If you don't want the baby to touch it, pick it up and put it away.." I would assume it would also apply to dogs. Instead of the 17 yo expecting natural consequences, she's expecting someone else to pay for her mistake... And why are you so surprised that your GF cares what other people think? From how she spends, that shouldn't even be a thing. But also, in her situation, I would totally be thinking what she's thinking. BIL just got married last year, and his inlaws (his wife's family) made it perfectly clear during the rehearsal dinner that BIL was now a part of their family, and essentially BIL is to cut ties with our side. And it's totally true. We've gone down to seeing him a couple times a year to once a year, if we are lucky. I won't spend my vacation time just visiting him anymore. So that's really the end of the relationship for us. He and his wife are earning at least 150K. It's not like they can't afford two plane tickets more than once a year. Driving to visit us would be less than the cost of one plane ticket. And they don't have kids, so it's easier for them to travel during the school year than it is for us. I'm totally afraid that my son's wife is going to do the same thing...Tell him that her parents are family and ensure that we are in the picture as little as possible. In effect, losing our son when he gets married. As DS's mother, I would do anything and everything to prevent that. Even if it meant taking in an imperfectly trained puppy. I'm lucky that DS doesn't like his potential MIL so I'm good. Plus the girlfriend likes me and I do everything possible to keep it that way!!
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Feb 28, 2016 13:39:11 GMT -5
I don't see how someone's income is relevant when talking about damage done to someone else. If a person on welfare smashes into your car, should they say, "You make more than I do, therefore you shouldn't ask me to fix your car"? It's relevant in this pcase because someone making $30k/year might not be able to afford to replace a $100 pair of shoes. If a person on welfare smashes into your car, they should have car insurance to cover the cost of fixing your car. That's kind of required by law if you're operating a vehicle. I kind of don't get making a big deal about the shoes. If the shoes were so important, they should have been put away. If someone willfully destroys my property or does something just plain stupid and destroys my property, yes I'd expect them to pay. Something like this, where I could have easily tried to prevent it, I'd appreciate an offer to replace the shoes but even with that I'd probably decline the offer. If that is indeed the case, then they obviously can't afford three dogs. How much is $100 in their situation? One month of dog food?
To the owners: It's your dog, and therefore your responsibility. Pay for the damn shoes, and don't impose on people to take care of your problems in the future.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Feb 28, 2016 13:56:39 GMT -5
BIL just got married last year, and his inlaws (his wife's family) made it perfectly clear during the rehearsal dinner that BIL was now a part of their family, and essentially BIL is to cut ties with our side. And it's totally true. We've gone down to seeing him a couple times a year to once a year, if we are lucky. I won't spend my vacation time just visiting him anymore. So that's really the end of the relationship for us. He and his wife are earning at least 150K. It's not like they can't afford two plane tickets more than once a year. Driving to visit us would be less than the cost of one plane ticket. And they don't have kids, so it's easier for them to travel during the school year than it is for us. WTE?
I know the whole "A son is a son til he takes a wife; a daughter's a daughter for all of her life" has some truth to it; many women are closer to their own family than their in-laws. But to just come out and state "say adios to your family, because you have to cut them off" is horrible.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 14:01:17 GMT -5
So, the daughter has no responsibility? Maybe she can lay out a few more pair of shoes and finance her prom dress that way...
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Feb 28, 2016 14:40:15 GMT -5
BIL just got married last year, and his inlaws (his wife's family) made it perfectly clear during the rehearsal dinner that BIL was now a part of their family, and essentially BIL is to cut ties with our side. And it's totally true. We've gone down to seeing him a couple times a year to once a year, if we are lucky. I won't spend my vacation time just visiting him anymore. So that's really the end of the relationship for us. He and his wife are earning at least 150K. It's not like they can't afford two plane tickets more than once a year. Driving to visit us would be less than the cost of one plane ticket. And they don't have kids, so it's easier for them to travel during the school year than it is for us. WTE?
I know the whole "A son is a son til he takes a wife; a daughter's a daughter for all of her life" has some truth to it; many women are closer to their own family than their in-laws. But to just come out and state "say adios to your family, because you have to cut them off" is horrible.
Yeah I dont get that either. Never had that conversation in my house. I avoided my inlaws because they were nuts...but DH was more than welcome to go to mothers whenever he wanted to (which he did on a regular basis). I would laugh in anyone's face who tried to tell me my family was replaced. Grow some b****. As far as how much this couple makes....there are lots of people making six figures that dont have a pot to piss in...
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Feb 28, 2016 14:50:51 GMT -5
I am in camp "no" for the sandals, and camp" yes" for the sneakers, provided nothing was said about chewing before the puppy came into the house, since the sneakers were chewed up first. If something was said it's no for both.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Feb 28, 2016 15:27:47 GMT -5
I agree with the person who said boarding a dog would cost way more. I think he should pay for the shoes and make it known this is a one time thing.
My Older Dog often chewed shoes up (Always Mine). I learned to keep my shoes in the closet.
My younger Dog never bothers shoes, but he thinks he is a cat-- I guess, and he put nail holes in MIL's sofa. DH and I bought her Living Room Furniture about 3-4 years ago. We replaced it this past summer when we realized our Dog had damaged one piece and we could not replace the one piece. (In-Laws dog sit for us regularly).
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Feb 28, 2016 16:58:31 GMT -5
Did the 17YO agree to watch the dog, or was it someone else in the household? She could have been more responsible with her stuff, but I would be annoyed (especially at that age) if my mom agreed to watch my brother's dog, and then everyone told me to just suck it up when the dog destroyed something that mattered to me. I think either the brother, the mom, or a combination of the two should try to compensate her in some way (not necessarily with new $100 shoes, especially if they can't afford it). I believe GF agreed to watch the dog as a favor to her son. 17YO would let the dog sleep in her room. From what I understand, 17YO talked to her older brother on the phone yesterday, explained what happened, and he said he couldn't replace her shoes. If 17 yr old let a 1 yr old puppy sleep in her room, she was asking for it. I've had Golden Retrievers (have the third one now). A 1 yr old is like a preadolescent. And they chew. I think they should split the cost of replacement. Did the owner warn about chewing? Was the dog given nylabones to chew? Has the GF had any previous experience with dogs? Plenty of blame to around, but this isn't on tne dog. A change of environment is stressful on anyone and doubly so on a pup.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 29, 2016 8:57:59 GMT -5
It's relevant in this pcase because someone making $30k/year might not be able to afford to replace a $100 pair of shoes. If a person on welfare smashes into your car, they should have car insurance to cover the cost of fixing your car. That's kind of required by law if you're operating a vehicle. I kind of don't get making a big deal about the shoes. If the shoes were so important, they should have been put away. If someone willfully destroys my property or does something just plain stupid and destroys my property, yes I'd expect them to pay. Something like this, where I could have easily tried to prevent it, I'd appreciate an offer to replace the shoes but even with that I'd probably decline the offer. If that is indeed the case, then they obviously can't afford three dogs. How much is $100 in their situation? One month of dog food?
To the owners: It's your dog, and therefore your responsibility. Pay for the damn shoes, and don't impose on people to take care of your problems in the future.
I would agree if the dog chewed up my door or tore up a piece of furniture... things that can't be easily moved beyond reach. It's not that hard to keep shoes away from the dog, unless he knows how to open closet and bedroom doors. Especially if he's already chewed on one pair of shoes in my house. If I keep leaving shoes where he can get them and chew on them, that's on me. Just my opinion.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Feb 29, 2016 11:02:00 GMT -5
He should replace the girls shoes and apologise to her... for the damage his dog did. Yep. I'd threaten to take the dogs to the pound or not give them back or something until I was compensated.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Feb 29, 2016 11:22:45 GMT -5
There are a lot of "shoulds ofs" (**) here. But "shoulds ofs" (**) don't help when trying to solve a problem.
The mom/GF agreed to take the dog, for *whatever* reasons. She "could" have said no.
She "should" have made arrangements to crate or watch or sequester in the laundry room or "whatever" the dog. She's the adult in charge.
She "should" have warned the kids that puppies chew everything.
She "should" have warned the 17yo that puppies are cute and cuddly (17yo let it sleep with her) but that they don't have boundaries. EVERYTHING is a toy.
After the first shoes got chewed, she "should" have again warned the kids to put the things they value away.
The 17yo "should" have put her $100 shoes away, ESPECIALLY since they weren't the first pair to land in the mouth of Baby Jaws.
I think there is PLENTY of culpability to go around here. But I don't think most of it rolls back downhill to the son and his wife. They are not around to supervise the dog; GF and family are doing them a favor by supervising it (taking it in temporarily) while they can't care for it.
If the terms of the favor are unacceptable, undo the favor. Don't continue to be a sucker stuck supervising a puppy if you don't have the time and energy. It's not son + wife's fault that puppies do what they do. It's a puppy! Do GF and kids NOT know what this means?
GF should have paid for the first set of shoes and returned the dog if she and her kids were unwilling to supervise it. To allow it to chew a second pair (not supervising, not putting stuff away after a first incident) is on them.
JMHO YMMV
(**) ETA: "should have." I'm grammar-policing myself today
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Feb 29, 2016 11:53:12 GMT -5
There are a lot of "shoulds ofs" here. But "shoulds ofs" don't help when trying to solve a problem. The mom/GF agreed to take the dog, for *whatever* reasons. She "could" have said no. She "should" have made arrangements to crate or watch or sequester in the laundry room or "whatever" the dog. She's the adult in charge. She "should" have warned the kids that puppies chew everything. She "should" have warned the 17yo that puppies are cute and cuddly (17yo let it sleep with her) but that they don't have boundaries. EVERYTHING is a toy. After the first shoes got chewed, she "should" have again warned the kids to put the things they value away. The 17yo "should" have put her $100 shoes away, ESPECIALLY since they weren't the first pair to land in the mouth of Baby Jaws. I think there is PLENTY of culpability to go around here. But I don't think most of it rolls back downhill to the son and his wife. They are not around to supervise the dog; GF and family are doing them a favor by supervising it (taking it in temporarily) while they can't care for it. If the terms of the favor are unacceptable, undo the favor. Don't continue to be a sucker stuck supervising a puppy if you don't have the time and energy. It's not son + wife's fault that puppies do what they do. It's a puppy! Do GF and kids NOT know what this means? GF should have paid for the first set of shoes and returned the dog if she and her kids were unwilling to supervise it. To allow it to chew a second pair (not supervising, not putting stuff away after a first incident) is on them. JMHO YMMV Best post yet!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 29, 2016 12:00:14 GMT -5
would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 29, 2016 12:07:12 GMT -5
would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones? I would. I agreed to watch child. My responsibility. If my house isn't kid proof, then it's my job to supervise.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Feb 29, 2016 12:59:10 GMT -5
I believe GF agreed to watch the dog as a favor to her son. 17YO would let the dog sleep in her room. From what I understand, 17YO talked to her older brother on the phone yesterday, explained what happened, and he said he couldn't replace her shoes. If 17 yr old let a 1 yr old puppy sleep in her room, she was asking for it. I've had Golden Retrievers (have the third one now). A 1 yr old is like a preadolescent. And they chew. I think they should split the cost of replacement. Did the owner warn about chewing? Was the dog given nylabones to chew? Has the GF had any previous experience with dogs? Plenty of blame to around, but this isn't on tne dog. A change of environment is stressful on anyone and doubly so on a pup. You say that as an adult who has had dogs before and the experience of having their stuff chewed. But this is a 17 year old who doesn't seem to have ever had a dog before and it wasn't mentioned if she was even told that the sneaker was chewed so keep you stuff away. In this case it also makes me wonder why the 14 yr old doesn't care. Maybe his sneaker was an old one he uses when he doesn't want to mess up his new ones. I think it would let it go if they don't replace the shoes and probably never even mention it again. But I would probably also ask when they are picking up the dog. Sorry free boarding is all I signed up for. I am nice but no way would I be paying hundreds of dollars to replace what their dog destroyed. Find a kennel if they can't keep it at DIL's parents.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Feb 29, 2016 13:02:49 GMT -5
would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones? I would agree with that but I don't think it is fair to inform people, who had no say in the matter, who don't understand that afterwards. There does seem to be a lack of parental supervision here but in the end the 17 year old is the person who is out the shoes and she isn't the person who made the deal to watch the dog nor the person who should have known better IMO.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Feb 29, 2016 13:34:36 GMT -5
would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones? I would agree with that but I don't think it is fair to inform people, who had no say in the matter, who don't understand that afterwards. There does seem to be a lack of parental supervision here but in the end the 17 year old is the person who is out the shoes and she isn't the person who made the deal to watch the dog nor the person who should have known better IMO. FWIW, I would agree with this if the 17yo's shoes were the first to get chewed. Live and learn and mitigate the situation. And mitigation includes putting your stuff away if you don't want the dog to get to it. ESPECIALLY after one incident has already happened.
BUT 17yo's shoes were the SECOND pair to get chewed. Where was the learning? For the whole family, not just for the 17yo?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 29, 2016 13:35:46 GMT -5
BIL just got married last year, and his inlaws (his wife's family) made it perfectly clear during the rehearsal dinner that BIL was now a part of their family, and essentially BIL is to cut ties with our side. And it's totally true. We've gone down to seeing him a couple times a year to once a year, if we are lucky. I won't spend my vacation time just visiting him anymore. So that's really the end of the relationship for us. He and his wife are earning at least 150K. It's not like they can't afford two plane tickets more than once a year. Driving to visit us would be less than the cost of one plane ticket. And they don't have kids, so it's easier for them to travel during the school year than it is for us. WTE?
I know the whole "A son is a son til he takes a wife; a daughter's a daughter for all of her life" has some truth to it; many women are closer to their own family than their in-laws. But to just come out and state "say adios to your family, because you have to cut them off" is horrible.
They were very polite about saying it. They won't totally cut us off. But, I think that they, as a couple, there won't be effort to see us like BIL used to make as a single guy..During the rehearsal dinner there were lots of "We're glad you are staying here, your home is now with our daughter in our state, etc. etc. etc." There wasn't really any talk of two families joining together. I'm likely to go and edit parts of my post...it will be easy to find me..and I really shouldn't be saying such things..because public space.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Feb 29, 2016 13:38:52 GMT -5
GF agreed to watch the dog for no compensation. Asking for compensation when she fails to look after it is just ridiculous. What if the family's negligence resulted in the dog getting sick or injured, would she send her son the vet bill? If GF has decided that she over committed, she can ask him to find someone else to watch the dog. If it is just the daughter that has an issue with the arrangement then she can consider it a life lesson. Mom is not required to reimburse her.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 29, 2016 13:42:13 GMT -5
would everyone's answer be the same if this was a child instead of a dog? If you're watching someone's kid and they accidentally break something valuable, you'd chalk it up to "well, it's my fault because I should have put that out of the way" and let bygones be bygones? When we used to visit childless friends, we'd talk about childproofing far before the visit...as matter of common courtesy. If my friends didn't want to risk valuables being broken, then we needed to have a chat about finding a different place to meet. If I couldn't control my kids to not touch in a new situation..then we probably wouldn't visit. If we hosted other people's kids, yes we'd make sure the house was appropriately child-proofed before the other kids came over. To the point of also telling our kids if they have a special toy that they really want to keep in good condition, that that special toy should be tucked away so other kids couldn't get to it.
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