shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2016 15:57:40 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015 - If it helps, I had a thread on EE a few years ago where I posted about forgetting to pack dice for C as he was headed off to work a gaming convention. I got a lot of - why are you packing for him? he's a grown man...
My actual response to this is not allowed. But basically my answer is - I don't know, why does he cook dinner for me every night? I'm a grown woman... In our relationships, we each have our strengths and weaknesses, and it's really great when one person's strengths line up with the other's weaknesses, so between the two of you, you get it done. As TheHaitian said, you're a team. As long as he's doing what he needs to do as far as you are concerned (and he pretty obviously is), then anything you are doing to help him out is just gravy. It is also called being a supportive partner.
I know you are stressed right now. I know he's stressed right now. And I get not wanting him to think you've made him sound like a jerk or incompetent. But for your stress levels, I'd say it's more important to just stop caring what we think.
Take what you need from this board - actual advice (like checking into the civil servants exam), a place to vent, etc. Ignore the crud that isn't helpful.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2016 16:01:31 GMT -5
Indeed also pulls things from other places websites - its not a board like Monster or HotJobs where companies pay to have their jobs listed. Companies can pay to have their jobs highlighted, but honestly, Indeed is really just a specialized search engine. So it is also possible that the job had been on the employer's site for a while and was ready to come down, but Indeed didn't catch it until then.
There are also jobs that have to be posted for union/contract reasons, but only have to be posted for X number of hours or days - I used to have to post union jobs for a minimum of 3 days, even if I knew I was going to be promoting a union member into the position. I often posted those on Friday to have them come down on Sunday night.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2016 16:02:36 GMT -5
And on a different side of the job hunt thing - I got back from vacation on Monday and got the 2 weeks notice from my Outreach and Events Manager. Anyone want to come work for me in Seattle?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 16:06:03 GMT -5
But for your stress levels, I'd say it's more important to just stop caring what we think.Normally I don't. I love you guys but I've been on the boards long enough to know to take things with a grain of salt. BUT I'm over sensitive right now. I pulled a bonehead stunt yesterday at work and was so embarassed I wanted to cry. People here have been super nice about it which for some reason makes me feel even worse instead of better. Then I almost yelled at my boss when she joked that she felt I didn't have enough work on my plate. The pictures of the kids on my desk reminds me not to do that. My stress is starting to leak out in inappropriate ways. DH and I are trying not to take it out on each other and I'm making it a point to get less irritated with the kids. I know I should probably see someone but A) we don't have the money and B) I just don't have the time for the EAP right now.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2016 16:10:46 GMT -5
NomoreDramaQ1015 - If you want, I will PM you my work email (it's a .edu address, so it can look like work stuff), and you can send me an expletive filled note anytime you need to vent/release stress not at DH or the kids.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 16:14:55 GMT -5
Aww that's nice of you.
DH has been concerned about my mental health for awhile. I told him I feel like I've been going non-stop on the hamster wheel since Abby was born. I haven't been able to stop to catch my breath and process all the pretty damn big life changes we've gone thru before another one pops up.
Which I know "that's life" and I should "suck it up buttercup" but there is only so much stress/change I can absorb at a time and I reached my tipping point after DH lost his job. Then to have him get the OS job and lose that one too pushed me over the edge.
Has not been good for our marriage which makes things worse b/c my biggest support system is also currently my biggest headache.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Feb 25, 2016 16:16:32 GMT -5
Aww that's nice of you. DH has been concerned about my mental health for awhile. I told him I feel like I've been going non-stop on the hamster wheel since Abby was born. I haven't been able to stop to catch my breath and process all the pretty damn big life changes we've gone thru before another one pops up. You have been.
Please take care of yourself.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 16:17:57 GMT -5
Aww that's nice of you. DH has been concerned about my mental health for awhile. I told him I feel like I've been going non-stop on the hamster wheel since Abby was born. I haven't been able to stop to catch my breath and process all the pretty damn big life changes we've gone thru before another one pops up. You have been.
Please take care of yourself.
That's what powdered donuts are for!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 25, 2016 17:01:58 GMT -5
You have been.
Please take care of yourself.
That's what powdered donuts are for! I thought it was ALL donuts! I learn something new every day.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 25, 2016 17:04:25 GMT -5
I still get job emails from indeed and will click on them. DH has an associates in biology so he can quality for a lot of jobs I do. If I see something interesting I pass it along. I didn't know that was something I wasn't supposed to do. I still scan the job boards for myself. I am not taking anything for granted anymore. I am not actively applying for anything but I want to have my thumb on what is out there in case this blows sky wide like the last job or the funding rug is pulled out from under me again. Since our fields overlap in certain skill areas if I see something I share. We don't have a scanner or stuff like that at home so I'll bring stuff to work. The library charges you to park, charges you to use the computer and charges you per page you scan. Why would we do that when I can do it for free? I didn't realize that it was a problem or that I am making DH look like a lazy idiot. He is working hard at job hunting and interviewing and now at Hy-Vee. Maybe I am helping him too much. Maybe it's b/c I am extremely stressed out over what is going on and my way to have some sort of control over our lives is to help him job hunt. I know it's not healthy and so does DH but if it makes me feel better he's not going to stop me from looking at job boards. It beats having to shell out for therapy to get a handle on the way I am feeling about everything that has happened going back to September 2014. I waste WAY more time on here than I do looking on indeed. I help him with his resume b/c I am GOOD at it and got lots of compliments on mine in the last year so I figured I should put those skills to use to help my spouse. I come on here to vent/organize my thoughts. I'll stop doing that though b/c being called out makes me realize I have strayed too far into over sharing again. I'll share if DH gets another job but I'll stop talking about everything else. Don't do that. I've stopped sharing and asking for advice bcuz I have a harasser but I miss it.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 17:38:31 GMT -5
I can't believe you're expected to go out and get another job. I can't believe your wife and MIL are okay with this. I didn't get the impression that he was expected to get a second job. I thought it was something that he took it upon himself to do. Yes I want to do it, I chose to do it (if I get the job). I have my personal reason why I am considering it. My wife disagrees and think it is greedy, because I would be taking a job from someone that needs it more. I will re-assess if it is worth it or not. As for spending time away from kids as someone else; news flash in case you did not know: I am freaking shooting blanks! It has been 5 years since we have been trying to have kids and 30k later still nothing. So I may have kids or I may never.... But that will be a bridge I cross when it comes. Now I am making a decision with the information I have. Not going to make every decision of my life on what might or might not happen. And it is a part time job people, not a lifetime commitment.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Feb 25, 2016 17:47:23 GMT -5
I didn't get the impression that he was expected to get a second job. I thought it was something that he took it upon himself to do. Yes I want to do it, I chose to do it (if I get the job). I have my personal reason why I am considering it. My wife disagrees and think it is greedy, because I would be taking a job from someone that needs it more. I will re-assess if it is worth it or not. As for spending time away from kids as someone else; news flash in case you did not know: I am freaking shooting blanks! It has been 5 years since we have been trying to have kids and 30k later still nothing. So I may have kids or I may never.... But that will be a bridge I cross when it comes. Now I am making a decision with the information I have. Not going to make every decision of my life on what might or might not happen. And it is a part time job people, not a lifetime commitment. You absolutely have to do this or you'll drive yourself crazy!
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Feb 25, 2016 18:05:40 GMT -5
And on a different side of the job hunt thing - I got back from vacation on Monday and got the 2 weeks notice from my Outreach and Events Manager. Anyone want to come work for me in Seattle? Me!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 25, 2016 18:16:34 GMT -5
Aww that's nice of you. DH has been concerned about my mental health for awhile. I told him I feel like I've been going non-stop on the hamster wheel since Abby was born. I haven't been able to stop to catch my breath and process all the pretty damn big life changes we've gone thru before another one pops up. You have been.
Please take care of yourself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think this is the sentiment that was buried in the question of why you are doing so much. I know it helps you feel better helping him look, but you may not realize that it is also putting additional stress on you. Just something to think about. Believe me, there are a LOT of people who post stuff and I wonder WTF is wrong with them. You are not really one of them for me.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Feb 25, 2016 18:41:15 GMT -5
emma1420 - If you want, I'll PM you the job announcement. Just know that I'd be your boss, and given how much time I spend on these boards, I'd know how much time you were spending on them
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 19:03:31 GMT -5
She said I was overqualified for the job and offered it to me. Rate is $11.25
We agreed on my 2 days off from my current job (Wednesday and whatever day I work that weekend) and 1 evening at a minimum.
If they have more evening shifts available they would ask me first before scheduling me. Told her I was open to 20-30hrs (30 being absolute max).
Now I am thinking I should have made that 20 but oh well! We will see...
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 19:38:17 GMT -5
You have been.
Please take care of yourself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think this is the sentiment that was buried in the question of why you are doing so much. I know it helps you feel better helping him look, but you may not realize that it is also putting additional stress on you. Just something to think about. Believe me, there are a LOT of people who post stuff and I wonder WTF is wrong with them. You are not really one of them for me. The first part of this is correct. I owe you a big sorry, Drama. I should not have shot my mouth of about something that was not my business and then disappeared all day. I am concerned with how much stress you seem to be under and how much of this you are taking on yourself. I wish I had taken the time to formulate that thought clearly. I was annoyed at something else and projecting my own issues and my post came out far from what I wish I had said. So, I apologize, unreservedly, for my earlier post.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2016 20:11:59 GMT -5
She said I was overqualified for the job and offered it to me. Rate is $11.25 We agreed on my 2 days off from my current job (Wednesday and whatever day I work that weekend) and 1 evening at a minimum. If they have more evening shifts available they would ask me first before scheduling me. Told her I was open to 20-30hrs (30 being absolute max). Now I am thinking I should have made that 20 but oh well! We will see... You are nuts! Is the discount any good? ETA: Try to give yourself one day off when you aren't working. I managed to do that most of the time I did retail. It makes a world of difference in recharging.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 25, 2016 20:31:39 GMT -5
She said I was overqualified for the job and offered it to me. Rate is $11.25 We agreed on my 2 days off from my current job (Wednesday and whatever day I work that weekend) and 1 evening at a minimum. If they have more evening shifts available they would ask me first before scheduling me. Told her I was open to 20-30hrs (30 being absolute max). Now I am thinking I should have made that 20 but oh well! We will see... You are nuts! Is the discount any good? ETA: Try to give yourself one day off when you aren't working. I managed to do that most of the time I did retail. It makes a world of difference in recharging. Well, on the bright side, while he is running himself ragged to net 6-something an hour, he might start rethinking all those indulgences.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 25, 2016 20:48:41 GMT -5
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think this is the sentiment that was buried in the question of why you are doing so much. I know it helps you feel better helping him look, but you may not realize that it is also putting additional stress on you. Just something to think about. Believe me, there are a LOT of people who post stuff and I wonder WTF is wrong with them. You are not really one of them for me. The first part of this is correct. I owe you a big sorry, Drama. I should not have shot my mouth of about something that was not my business and then disappeared all day. I am concerned with how much stress you seem to be under and how much of this you are taking on yourself. I wish I had taken the time to formulate that thought clearly. I was annoyed at something else and projecting my own issues and my post came out far from what I wish I had said. So, I apologize, unreservedly, for my earlier post.
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obelisk
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Post by obelisk on Feb 25, 2016 20:55:28 GMT -5
She said I was overqualified for the job and offered it to me. Rate is $11.25 We agreed on my 2 days off from my current job (Wednesday and whatever day I work that weekend) and 1 evening at a minimum. If they have more evening shifts available they would ask me first before scheduling me. Told her I was open to 20-30hrs (30 being absolute max). Now I am thinking I should have made that 20 but oh well! We will see... Live and learn, you are the only one to gain from this. Best of luck!
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quince
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Post by quince on Feb 25, 2016 21:06:06 GMT -5
Also when he's working he can't be spending money! Maybe wife should get a second job too, then they won't have TIME for $650 weekends.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 21:16:00 GMT -5
You are nuts! Is the discount any good? ETA: Try to give yourself one day off when you aren't working. I managed to do that most of the time I did retail. It makes a world of difference in recharging. Well, on the bright side, while he is running himself ragged to net 6-something an hour, he might start rethinking all those indulgences. NEVER!!!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 21:17:32 GMT -5
Also when he's working he can't be spending money! Maybe wife should get a second job too, then they won't have TIME for $650 weekends. Martha's Vineyard in August for our Anniversary
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Feb 25, 2016 21:59:31 GMT -5
I think at Crate and Barrel I could do plenty of shopping on the job.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 22:15:14 GMT -5
I think at Crate and Barrel I could do plenty of shopping on the job. LOL
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 25, 2016 22:20:14 GMT -5
Ohhhh! Now that makes sense...
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Feb 25, 2016 22:22:50 GMT -5
Also when he's working he can't be spending money! Maybe wife should get a second job too, then they won't have TIME for $650 weekends. Martha's Vineyard in August for our Anniversary um.....might I suggest delaying a month or two until when it's reasonably priced? I know it's not ON your anniversary, but like the Hallmark holiday of Valentine's Day, it's just a day. you can celebrate the two of you any day of the year. in case anyone was unaware, that $650 he just spent on V-Day is going to look like chump change after an August weekend on the Vineyard. <<shudder>>
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2016 22:56:46 GMT -5
The first part of this is correct. I owe you a big sorry, Drama. I should not have shot my mouth of about something that was not my business and then disappeared all day. I am concerned with how much stress you seem to be under and how much of this you are taking on yourself. I wish I had taken the time to formulate that thought clearly. I was annoyed at something else and projecting my own issues and my post came out far from what I wish I had said. So, I apologize, unreservedly, for my earlier post. Thank you. I feel especially bad that I couldn't get back on the boards for hours after I made the post and crapped all over your day on the internet. My day got crazy and I wanted to come clarify and apologize earlier but it didn't happen. For the sake of owning up to things, I partially said what I did because I'm trying to convince DH to get a certification that would make him SO much more employable. His employer has him over a barrel since he never finished his degree. This cert would go a long way towards fixing that. He's dragging his feet, and I feel like I'm being his mom - doing the research, showing him how easy it would be, doing everything but taking the Damn test for him. So, pop psychologist here, I am frustrated with myself and DH and snapped at you because I see some of the same dynamics in your situation. I Fucked up, and I really hope you don't stop venting here. Tl;dr: it's not you it's me.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2016 23:21:17 GMT -5
in case anyone was unaware, that $650 he just spent on V-Day is going to look like chump change after an August weekend on the Vineyard. <<shudder>> We did it last year or was that the year before? Yep Martha's Vineyard is not cheap but who goes there after Labor Day?
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