My son is frustrating, stubborn and illogical.

[milee]

And I'm really proud of the pig headed booger.

He's 15, will be turning 16 at the end of March and really, really wants his very own car.  We've told him that he's welcome to drive our 3rd family car (which we specifically bought for the boys to drive, but which is a family car, not theirs), but he wants his own car, independence and control.  He also wants a job so he can pay for his own car and have independence over spending choices, which is a little funny since he's such a tightwad he never even spends the cash we give him for trips or outings.  It's obviously more about the independence than the cash.  Good stuff and I'm supportive of all that.

So he started looking for jobs and the one he found that he loves is 13 miles from where we live; wouldn't be too bad except with tourist season that 13 miles takes about 45 minutes to an hour to drive.  Although I support him working, I explained that it doesn't make sense for me to spend almost 4 hours total driving him 52 miles for him to work 3 hours an afternoon at a job that pays him $8.50 an hour.  This wasn't a bad discussion and was a chance to talk about total cost of car ownership - depreciation, insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs - to show how to calculate a cost per mile and figure out if a commute was worthwhile. 

After last week's appropriately nerdy, YM approved commuting and car costs talk, he was disappointed but accepting that it didn't make sense for me to drive him.  He didn't bring up the idea again.  Then this morning as I was dropping him off for school, as he got out of the car he mentioned that I didn't need to pick him up that afternoon.... because he was taking the city bus to his new job, working and then taking another city bus home again and would be home for dinner. 

Booger.

I still think it's dumb to commute an hour each way on the bus for three hours' work at an $8.25/hr job, but I'm very proud of him for figuring out a solution on his own.  And I'm proud that he wants his independence enough to work and sacrifice for it.  And I'm proud that this job seems like a really good one for a 15 year old and he got it with no help from us. 

[suesinfl]

I say good for him. He is showing independence and a young adult that is figuring out what he wants and how to explore all the options available. You should be very proud of your son and you and your husband's parenting skills.  

[Anne_in_VA]

That's fantastic and you should be proud of him.  I don't know very many kids who would take the initiative that he did.  You're doing something right.

[quince]

That is awesome. This is the right time in life for him to be stubborn and independent! I wanna be like your kid when I grow up. 

[obelisk]

At his age I rode a bicycle. Nowdays there are electric bicycles/scooters. 13 miles in traffic should be no problem in less than a 30 minute commute. There are other solutions to his issues in gaining employment.

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 19:05:10 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

I say good for him. He is showing independence and a young adult that is figuring out what he wants and how to explore all the options available. You should be very proud of your son and you and your husband's parenting skills.  

Thanks. He's been a tough kid to parent. I just keep telling myself that the exact things that make a kid tough to parent are the things that often make adults successful if they can channel them. Stubbornness and independence are two of the biggies - tough to deal with in a kid, but helpful in many adult situations.

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 19:12:28 GMT -5 obelisk said:

At his age I rode a bicycle. Nowdays there are electric bicycles/scooters. 13 miles in traffic should be no problem in less than a 30 minute commute. There are other solutions to his issues in gaining employment.

We live in the land of the octogenarian driver and the tourist. Seriously, one of the highest rates in the nation for both pedestrian and bicyclist fatalities, which is even more shocking when you factor in how few pedestrians and bikes there are. If you suggest a bike, scooter or anything similar to my kid, I will find you and kill you. Not kidding.

[Deleted]

Very nice. I envy public transportation.

[NancysSummerSip]

You raised a good boy, Milee. A pig headed booger, maybe. But still a good boy.

[gregintenn]

Sounds like my kind of guy!

Don't ever discourage him from working or trying to be independent. As you stated, these are the traits that will put him at the head of the pack in a few short years.

[obelisk]

Jan 19, 2016 19:17:10 GMT -5 milee said:

Jan 19, 2016 19:12:28 GMT -5 obelisk said:

At his age I rode a bicycle. Nowdays there are electric bicycles/scooters. 13 miles in traffic should be no problem in less than a 30 minute commute. There are other solutions to his issues in gaining employment.

We live in the land of the octogenarian driver and the tourist. Seriously, one of the highest rates in the nation for both pedestrian and bicyclist fatalities, which is even more shocking when you factor in how few pedestrians and bikes there are. If you suggest a bike, scooter or anything similar to my kid, I will find you and kill you. Not kidding.

I have been riding a bicycle and motorcycle in southern cal for the past 35 years daily as a commuter.  Take that as a grain of salt.

There are options out there, just not your preconsived thoughts, that will cost your family at least 5k/year on transportation.  Good luck with your intent of violence.

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 19:31:06 GMT -5 oped said:

Very nice. I envy public transportation.

There aren't many buses around here - it's a very basic system that doesn't run often or many places. He's lucky there's a fairly direct route.

I just think he'd be better off getting a job at one of the literally hundreds of businesses within 3 miles of home. Heck, within one mile/walking distance there are dozens. But most of the jobs available - especially for a 15 year old starting out - would be things like fast food worker, retail store clerk, etc.  He wants this job because it seems like it will let him do some interesting things.  It's an independent insurance agency and the owner wants him to help research target markets, do some basic accounting, maintain the computer systems and other office and marketing things. 

[Deleted]

That sounds great. And a better opportunity for advancements than fast food.

[gregintenn]

Jan 19, 2016 20:44:39 GMT -5 milee said:

Jan 19, 2016 19:31:06 GMT -5 oped said:

Very nice. I envy public transportation.

There aren't many buses around here - it's a very basic system that doesn't run often or many places. He's lucky there's a fairly direct route.

I just think he'd be better off getting a job at one of the literally hundreds of businesses within 3 miles of home. Heck, within one mile/walking distance there are dozens. But most of the jobs available - especially for a 15 year old starting out - would be things like fast food worker, retail store clerk, etc.  He wants this job because it seems like it will let him do some interesting things.  It's an independent insurance agency and the owner wants him to help research target markets, do some basic accounting, maintain the computer systems and other office and marketing things. 

Sounds like a place to get his foot in the door for a great career.....or else a place to learn that really isn't his bag.

Either way, it sounds like it would have the potential for him to get a lot more out of it than a little spending cash.

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 20:47:51 GMT -5 oped said:

That sounds great. And a better opportunity for advancements than fast food.

Sigh. I agree. It's just a really, really long way to drive or ride the bus.

[gregintenn]

It's going to be an inconvenience, but I like the way he thinks. Sounds really mature for his age.

[Deleted]

True, but in 6th months he'll probably open a satellite office in your garage, so ...

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 20:50:30 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Your kid will change the world if you don't kill him first. 

I've been telling myself that for years.  When he was 2, it was one of the things I kept repeating to keep myself from throttling him. 

This is also the kid that - although he's never seen the show - is channeling Alex P Keaton from Family Ties.  For the last several years, he wore a suit and tie to school.  He's recently toned it down to more of a business casual look with pressed dress pants and button down shirt, no tie at least a couple of days a week, but he's pretty formal.  It's probably a good thing he's finding a way to make that work for him.

[Works4me]

Question/comment because bus came up when I was a teen and stubbornly wanted my independence - does he understand that he is unable to purchase a car on his own as a minor? That it is impossible for him to get insurance without parental involvement? This is due to the fact that minors are unable to enter legal contracts. He has to be 18 in order to do these things in his own name. 

Back when the world was young, I was so pissed that I had to have my parents register and insure my classic dinosaur for me because I was a minor - actually it was a 1968 Classic Mustang - lol. No one cared that I had worked all summer at Great America as part of a special team hired to establish a petting zoo.

Good luck, Mom. But I agree that the things that make him mist difficult to parent will make him a great adult in a little over two years ... And counting. 

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 20:53:47 GMT -5 oped said:

True, but in 6th months he'll probably open a satellite office in your garage, so ...

Uh, he kind of mentioned something like that at dinner tonight. You know, after his first day.  He's talked the business owner into letting him set their system up so that he can do some work from home, since the programming he'd like to do may take longer than he's able to stay each afternoon.

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 20:57:26 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Question/comment because bus came up when I was a teen and stubbornly wanted my independence - does he understand that he is unable to purchase a car on his own as a minor? That it is impossible for him to get insurance without parental involvement? This is due to the fact that minors are unable to enter legal contracts. He has to be 18 in order to do these things in his own name. 

Not sure if he knows this or not.  If not, he'll probably figure it out soon and then run for office so he can change the laws. 

Did I mention he's been a tough kid to parent?

[gregintenn]

Kid's gonna knock the ball out of the park! Please don't do anything to dampen his spirit.

[Works4me]

Good thing is he is probably immune to peer pressure.

[Deleted]

I think the car thing might vary by state law? Not sure though.

[gregintenn]

A kid can purchase a car where I live. Insurance can also be bought, but it is advantageous for the parent to buy it, however.

[gregintenn]

My parents just gave up and considered me an adult when I was about his age. I bought my first car at 14, but that was a different time and place.

[Deleted]

Jan 19, 2016 21:05:42 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Ahhh the joys of parenting a divergent thinker . . . 

I told DH the other night that I would like to get through one simple conversation with him and DS without tedious arguments and explanations. Of course his response was "Why?" 

love.

[ners]

Minors cannot legally enter into a contract.  If someone sells a minor a car, they risk having the car return upon the minor reaching the age of majority and having to refund the purchase price.

I wish my 18 year nephew had one tenth of your son's ambition.

[milee]

Jan 19, 2016 21:05:42 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Ahhh the joys of parenting a divergent thinker . . . 

I told DH the other night that I would like to get through one simple conversation with him and DS without tedious arguments and explanations. Of course his response was "Why?" 

Um, the other thing I kept telling myself when he was little was, "he obviously has a plan. Just keep him alive long enough that he can implement it."

[gregintenn]

Jan 19, 2016 21:09:36 GMT -5 ners said:

Minors cannot legally enter into a contract.  If someone sells a minor a car, they risk having the car return upon the minor reaching the age of majority and having to refund the purchase price.

I wish my 18 year nephew had one tenth of your son's ambition.

There is no contract, as far as I know, associated with buying a car.