973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Feb 17, 2016 17:25:18 GMT -5
Actually I just asked my son and no he has never done a somersault. I was afraid of those abuse questions Drama was talking about so I didn't have him try one.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 18:44:21 GMT -5
I don't get it. I'd think at this age PE would be starting to focus more on lifelong things you can do for your health - stretching, aerobic exercise, yoga - that type of thing. It's a really small school and the entire school usually follows the same PE curriculum. My kindy boy is in gymnastics this week too.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 17, 2016 19:06:35 GMT -5
MPL, I've been reading this thread and I'm so sorry for what you and your DS1 are going through. My DS3 went through a rough time two school years ago (he was 15). The school suggested getting him counselling. DH was against it (he's British and totally allergic to psychologists, psychiatrists, etc). I overrode him and DS3 started seeing the person the school recommended. We went too and I liked her immensely. (It's not like I just took the school's word for it about the person they recommended.) It was temporary, she helped DS3 with those issues (SEVERE test anxiety). He was down to seeing her once a month when he went through a TERRIBLE time last school year, for a completely different reason. We were able to schedule an emergency appt with her quickly and she phoned me to call me into his appt because she was so scared for DS3. I was scared too, even before her call. It was one of the worst periods of my life. DH thought the whole thing was overblown but thankfully he respects my opinion. We didn't leave DS3 alone for several weeks after that emergency consultation, until the crisis had passed. DS3 is back to seeing her once a month now. He tells her he's fine and he doesn't need to see her anymore. She tells him, I agree, you probably don't. But since you're graduating in June, if your parents are OK with it, I prefer to continue seeing you once a month until you graduate. I'm SO thankful DS3 has somebody he likes that he feels comfortable with, respects, who cares about him! I hope that you and your son can find somebody like that. She is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, so she can't prescribe meds. I can't speak to whether your son needs meds or not. As an American living in Europe, it seems to me that the Americans prescribe meds more often than Europeans. I can't say whether your son would benefit from them or not, but I can guarantee you that he would benefit from having somebody on the outside that he likes helping him, whether that involves meds or not. I also think your DS1 is in a Montessori / Steiner school. After years in that environment, I'm guessing he's probably both EXTREMELY bored and EXTREMELY anxious at the idea of entering a mainstream HS next year, whether it's a private or public HS. Lastly, I would suggest getting your GP or Pediatrician to write an official letter saying that your son's physiognomy prevents him from doing somersaults, taking that note to the Principal, and telling her that if the PE teacher tries even one more time you are going to sue the school. Enough is enough. That entire issue is beyond ridiculous, and the PE teacher is an idiot. If he'd been smart he would have solicited your son's help in testing the other kids, and given him a PE grade based on how well he did that. There's a reason teachers haven't yet been replaced by robots. Hang in there MPL ... these years can be so difficult.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 20:26:42 GMT -5
So. This kiddo is sitting through a full day of education to learn the 5-15% he doesn't already know, has to make sure he's polite to the kids who don't know as much as he does, is being forced to do physical things he can't do and are probably embarrassing, and people want to 'fix' this by taking away the things that actually do challeng and fulfill him in his off time.
I know I'm the unreasonable one, but I don't think that's the best idea.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 20:28:25 GMT -5
I also think your DS1 is in a Montessori / Steiner school. After years in that environment, I'm guessing he's probably both EXTREMELY bored and EXTREMELY anxious at the idea of entering a mainstream HS next year, whether it's a private or public HS. Lastly, I would suggest getting your GP or Pediatrician to write an official letter saying that your son's physiognomy prevents him from doing somersaults, taking that note to the Principal, and telling her that if the PE teacher tries even one more time you are going to sue the school. Enough is enough. That entire issue is beyond ridiculous, and the PE teacher is an idiot. Think both these have merit.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 22:00:33 GMT -5
And today I got his current "grades" (Montessori doesn't really grade, but in 7th and 8th grade they do mock ones to show where they would be in a traditional school). He's failing 4 of his 7 classes. Even science! Math, Band and Phy-ed are his only passing ones (getting an A in phy-ed, go figure). It's all because he isn't turning work in. He has only 30-40% completed of most of it and has every excuse in the book for why it's not done and why he can't get it done. Usually the teacher is at fault.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 17, 2016 22:11:03 GMT -5
While there is no excuse for not doing his work maybe he's reached the limit if what montasorri can offer. He may do better in a public school where he'll have more structure and actual grades.
I know a lot of people on here are against them but you just said they don't really fail you at his current school. Maybe seeing an actual big fat D or F and what it will do to his gpa will make things sink in.
I think you've mentioned his ambitions regarding college. He's not getting in if he can't get the grades. That may be a hard concept to grasp at a school with a non traditional system.
He sounds clever\cocky enough to know the mock grades don't mean anything. He may be counting on it. I think he's figured out how to game the current system.
This is not to say you shouldn't get him evaluated and have him talk to someone.
Just based on how you describe how the school works it doesn't strike me as impossible that a teen could play it like a violin.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 22:22:24 GMT -5
He knows 85-95% of the content already. The work is undoubtedly busy work for him.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 23:21:26 GMT -5
I know it's busy, pointless work, but that's what I do half my day at work. Plus, there are things on his overdue list like writing his thank you to the company that took him in for his internship and submitting his results for a sleep study that he did for another kid's science fair project. Thing that he should just be doing because it's the right thing to do, not just because he's being graded on them. I know where he's coming from though. I was the same way at his age. I'm not sure how I passed my classes half the time, but nobody at home pushed me at all. I had social anxiety issues too. So bad that I dropped out my Jr. year in high school.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Feb 17, 2016 23:23:28 GMT -5
They've tried, but I put the kibosh on it every time! Ive suggested tequila Thursdays and for some reason it gets turned down. Tequila AND tumble Thursday's has a shot of being approved, I think.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2016 23:43:39 GMT -5
I know it's busy, pointless work, but that's what I do half my day at work. Plus, there are things on his overdue list like writing his thank you to the company that took him in for his internship and submitting his results for a sleep study that he did for another kid's science fair project. Thing that he should just be doing because it's the right thing to do, not just because he's being graded on them. I know where he's coming from though. I was the same way at his age. I'm not sure how I passed my classes half the time, but nobody at home pushed me at all. I had social anxiety issues too. So bad that I dropped out my Jr. year in high school. Do you do it happily without ever complaining or expressing your frustration? Would you do it without some form of compensation/ personal benefit? I agree on the Thank You. That I would discuss with him. But to him right now I'm guessing there is no distinction. I agree a change of school might be helpful.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 18, 2016 7:02:31 GMT -5
su I know it's busy, pointless work, but that's what I do half my day at work. Plus, there are things on his overdue list like writing his thank you to the company that took him in for his internship and submitting his results for a sleep study that he did for another kid's science fair project. Thing that he should just be doing because it's the right thing to do, not just because he's being graded on them. I know where he's coming from though. I was the same way at his age. I'm not sure how I passed my classes half the time, but nobody at home pushed me at all. I had social anxiety issues too. So bad that I dropped out my Jr. year in high school. I'm sorry. This is really tough for your DS and for you. My DS went through some real hellish years, and anxiety / depression (often manifested in ways that resemble assaholic adolescence) came far too close to destroying him. He is very very very highly gifted intellectually, too, and in middle school - a magnet program - suffered much more than I understood until the end. He spent a few years seeing an excellent psychologist and eventually a psychiatrist too. I am very close to DS, and also suffer from recurrent major depression. The anxiety piece is not part of my own Gestalt, but I know it is debilitating. Please, don't be afraid to take action for your son even if it wasn't in the plan. I have on behalf of my DS and DD - sent them to camps for the highly gifted, that you qualify for based on SAT scores for the test taken in 7th grade. That helped for a short time. DD skipped HS entirely and enrolled directly in college (YM: community college for 2 years, then the university). She is alive and thriving. I got DS on a 504 plan that then allowed the teachers in middle and HS to flex for him, doing alternate assignments, for example. I got this only after a full battery of psych testing that showed he at the time had a 4% small muscle (handwriting) level coupled with an over 99.9% IQ. He did still suffer badly, but with help made friends of all sorts of talents - football player; musician; nerds of course; writers. He developed relationships with girls, and still is with one he began seeing as a HS junior. He joined a gym, took up running, wrote and read, became really turned on to physics and computer programming. He also went through bouts of awful anxiety and depression, and attempted suicide. He took a year off after graduation HS. First he got his college admissions, then deferred the one he wanted. That came about because I've observed that many kids, especially boys, do better with a year out at that time. I got him to apply to colleges by proposing the year off before starting - the beginning of his senior year was so, so hard for him psychologically. The year off he began working in materials management at the nearby hospital. He started by hauling supplies from the delivery dock to the store area and unpacking. He ended by writing some analytic tools for the management using Lawson supply system's data. He still helps them out from time to time. He'll be interning with Google this summer and then working for them after graduation, his dream job. He has an incredibly deep work ethic, although I never suggested he work at all before HS graduation. (He did, though, doing home computer repair and data recovery in his own business.) So I have come far too close to losing each of my children to suicide. They are not easy fits into a school system with its myriad attendance/discipline rules. And they were in an excellent school system, one that families in Korea and Japan strive to attend. DS will be 22 soon. He had well over a year of college credit once he matriculated from AP courses in HS. He'll graduate this December. He's held several jobs and internships in computer programming, including one he works during the semesters and that partially pays his tuition. He has a full tuition scholarship, too. He is intensely creative, capable, poised - and sill always need to be ready for the pit of anxiety and depression swallowing him whole.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 7:45:54 GMT -5
I don't think all 14yo's can think far enough ahead to getting into college. For those kids there needs to be something to motivate them to make good grades now, not for something that will happen in a few years. I was one of those kids and my motivation was to not have to deal with a buggabear (my Mom) if I came home with bad grades and have my freedom restricted.
And keep in mind that teenagers go through all kinds of changes when their hormones get to jumping around in puberty. Sometimes it seems like puberty has scrambled their brains. It can be a very difficult time for them and for their parents, especially if they already have other issues. Hopefully the people the school has put you in contact with can help you get things sorted out.
ETA: my post showed up right after finnime's and I want to clarify that I believe kids with depression and/or severe anxiety issues need treatment for those issues, not just motivation, rewards and consequences.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Feb 18, 2016 7:48:06 GMT -5
I know it's busy, pointless work, but that's what I do half my day at work. Plus, there are things on his overdue list like writing his thank you to the company that took him in for his internship and submitting his results for a sleep study that he did for another kid's science fair project. Thing that he should just be doing because it's the right thing to do, not just because he's being graded on them. I know where he's coming from though. I was the same way at his age. I'm not sure how I passed my classes half the time, but nobody at home pushed me at all. I had social anxiety issues too. So bad that I dropped out my Jr. year in high school. That totally is my son. I work two jobs and even at the crappy, slightly more than min wage one I work my butt off. It blows my mind that my kid is so smart but so lazy. The part that is maddening is it isn't something that is going to just go away anytime soon. I can clearly see that this is something I will have to keep pushing for the next few years. 90% of the stuff I do at work is totally boring and could be done by a slightly above average chimp. The other 10% is dealing with the most annoying and obnoxious people. And I do lots of things at home like cleaning the bathroom and laundry that never get noticed, unless I miss a day, let alone thanked for.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 18, 2016 8:01:36 GMT -5
MPL, I don't know if ADHD even is an issue for your son, but I am posting this as an FYI for you and others that might be reading the thread. I used to love dairy, especially ice cream. I've eliminated it from my diet as it used to be responsible for my sore throats, swollen joints, etc. If I recall correctly, most food sensitivities end up being foods one eats a lot of. I used to stress eat ice cream after bad days at work until I did a food rotation diet and eliminated dairy.
www.livebeaming.com/2013/04/food-intolerance-adhd/
There has been a rise in the number of kids diagnosed with ADD, according to a recent article in the New York Times. Now 11% of all school-aged children has ADHD, and 1 out of every 5 high school boys will receive an ADHD diagnosis. This represents a 40% increase in the past decade, which is raising many questions among experts – such as are ADHD medications being overused?
But what is leading to this increase, and what if many of these cases were simply a food sensitivity? According to this NPR article, a study conducted in the Netherlands and published on February 5, 2011 in the Lancet Journal, found that 64% of diagnosed cases of ADHD was actually caused by a hypersensitivity to food; and when the food was removed, the symptoms improved. According to the lead author of the study, Dr. Lidy Pelsser, “we have got good news — that food is the main cause of ADHD,” she says. “We’ve got bad news — that we have to train physicians to monitor this procedure because it cannot be done by a physician who is not trained.
What are the 3 most common foods associated with ADHD-like symptoms? 1.Dairy. According to Doris Rapp, M.D., author of Is This Your Child? and The Impossible Child, dairy is at the top of the list of foods that cause behavior, focus & attention problems.
Wheat/gluten. According to the book Dangerous Grains, written by James, Braly, MD and Ron Hoggan, M.A., “About 70% of children with untreated celiac disease show exactly the same abnormalities in brain-wave patterns as those who have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder.
Food colorings and additives.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Feb 18, 2016 8:15:36 GMT -5
What has his diet been in the last 6 to 7 weeks? Diet can affect mood. No caffeine, lower sugar than most people, and no dairy might be a good start for him. Do not let him drink diet pop, some of that stuff really messes up some people. I'm the diet pop addict (downing a Diet Pepsi for breakfast as I type this). About the only thing he drinks is milk and Fruit 2o flavored waters. Telling him to quit dairy would be the death of him. Milk, cheese, and yogurt are his favorite things! Unfortunately most flavored waters contain artificial sweetners. Fruit 2o contains sucralose which I used to think is one of the safer ones. For some people it can cause anxiety, dizziness, and depression. According to this URL it is also very damaging to gut health.
articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/12/18/sucralose-side-effects.aspx
ETA: My last two posts might seem like a downer, but it would be cheaper to look at foods and additives first than trying medication if he is diagnosed.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Feb 18, 2016 9:09:42 GMT -5
And today I got his current "grades" (Montessori doesn't really grade, but in 7th and 8th grade they do mock ones to show where they would be in a traditional school). He's failing 4 of his 7 classes. Even science! Math, Band and Phy-ed are his only passing ones (getting an A in phy-ed, go figure). It's all because he isn't turning work in. He has only 30-40% completed of most of it and has every excuse in the book for why it's not done and why he can't get it done. Usually the teacher is at fault. Sounds like my brother. He is smart as hell but lazy as fuck. He came thisclose to not graduating high school because of a late assignment. He also failed out of college. He doesn't work and lives with my mom, so he's also failing at life. Love him, he's just frustrating. Anyway, I don't think this is the trajectory your son is facing but I totally remember how pissed off my mom and dad always were with him because he was so lazy. He'd ace all his tests but wouldn't turn in assignments. Argh! I do have generalized anxiety, which also includes bouts of depression and OCD. It's no fun. Now that I'm an adult and know myself better I can handle my anxiety better and not let it completely overwhelm me (but it still does at time and I just deal with it). I'm already having anxiety about owning a house because i don't know how it's going to interfere with my current leaving the apartment/bedtime routine. Checking all the things I "have" to check is easier on one floor! Lol. When I was a teenager I would have loved it if my mom did something to help me. I remember trying to tell her that I wanted to see a shrink and she blew up, yelling "my kids aren't crazy!" Well yeah, we kind of are. And it's okay. I didn't start seeing anyone until three years ago and it was one of the best things I did for myself. I cried my first session because it was the first time in memory my mind was truly able to shut off. I am constantly in fight or flight mode and learning how to control that has made my life better. Exercise has been my saving grace. I do have pills for when I need to chill NOW but talk therapy really helped. Running is my preferred therapy. I wish I was taking care of myself sooner. So long post short, I hope that the psychologist helps get to the root of the issue with your son. <3
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 9:17:54 GMT -5
When 'grades' are a goal, then it's easy for motivation to get warped. To me the purpose of education is to gain skills and knowledge. He obviously is not receiving those benefits from his current placement. So any improved effort on his part at this point is ONLY to net him grades. Which are obviously not valuable to him, and if they were would at best be wholly external with no internal reward. Too much time in this kind of system breeds 'lazy'...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 18, 2016 9:25:41 GMT -5
Thing that he should just be doing because it's the right thing to do, not just because he's being graded on them.
Some people aren't internally motivated or at least not as much as other people are. I'm pretty internally motivated but left to my own devices long enough I start to procrastinate and half ass things. I do better when my day is structured and I have clear external goals I have to meet. He knows nothing is going to happen to him if he doesn't complete his work at his current school there so there is no motivation to do all the crap he doesn't want to do. I do my job because it is the right thing to do but that only takes me so far. If they weren't paying me there is no way in hell they'd get the level of work out of me they currently do. I need both to keep going.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 9:30:05 GMT -5
It is so incredibly frustrating. I go from anger to sadness to guilt that this is my fault. I have this kid who since age 3 or 4 has appeared to "have it made". He should be able to just blow them out of the water in school and get into whatever college he wants, but instead he's self-sabotaging and crying woe is me. I just want to shake some sense into him. We only have one adolescent psychiatrist in town and she's booked up for three months out. The school turned in the paperwork for the psychologist yesterday and they said often there's a wait for that too, but the school is stressing it's urgent so hopefully that gets him to the front of the line. I appreciate all the stories about children and siblings with similar behaviors. It helps to know that at least SOME of them turned out ok in the end.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 18, 2016 9:40:06 GMT -5
It's not your fault. It's just how he is wired. My brother and I are complete polar opposites. While looking back my parents admit there are some things they could have done different with my brother that doesn't explain how the two of us turned out so vastly different.
It's how we're wired. My brother is a martyr just like my grandmother and he has the same victim mentality. Meanwhile I lean towards an unhealthy extreme version "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality.
My brother has to learn everything the hard way. It's painful to watch b/c I know my brother is not as stupid as he acts sometimes.
I can't make him think like me or be like me. He has to figure out his own path.
I do think he could benefit from some sort of psychological counseling but last time I suggested that it went over like a lead balloon so I don't bring it up anymore.
I figured out pretty fast what works for me and keeps me "motivated". I need an extremely rigid and structured schedule with a way to measure my progress. So I thrived in public school b/c the system is designed for people like me. I would not do well being home-schooled, un-schooled or in a Montasorri type environment b/c while I am internally driven I am also very easily distracted and a procrastinator. Every once and awhile I need someone to snap their fingers in my face and make me focus.
Maybe it's time to try a more structured environment for your son. A clear outline of how the day should go and what work is to be done might help him keep on task better. As it stands it seems like they just expect him to get it done "whenever" and since he knows nothing happens if he doesn't, why bother?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 18, 2016 9:47:42 GMT -5
It is so incredibly frustrating. I go from anger to sadness to guilt that this is my fault. I have this kid who since age 3 or 4 has appeared to "have it made". He should be able to just blow them out of the water in school and get into whatever college he wants, but instead he's self-sabotaging and crying woe is me. I just want to shake some sense into him. We only have one adolescent psychiatrist in town and she's booked up for three months out. The school turned in the paperwork for the psychologist yesterday and they said often there's a wait for that too, but the school is stressing it's urgent so hopefully that gets him to the front of the line. I appreciate all the stories about children and siblings with similar behaviors. It helps to know that at least SOME of them turned out ok in the end. It is frustrating and painful and scary as hell. Can you ask your DS' medical doctor for psychologist recommendations? There may be others more available and/or that your DS works better with. This is part art as well as science. And your own intuition about your DS is often the best guide. One thing that helped my family was this: don't dwell with kids on the bad/missing/undone stuff. Do notice openly each time he does something you value - take care of pets, look after his brother, read books, discuss religion or baking or the girl next door, anything. It helps keep them talking, which is vital. Take care of him, take care of minnesotapaintlady . ETA: The "have it made" idea - just ain't so. It is crazily difficult to not fit into your tribe as a kid, and to not know how to be okay with who you are. For the things easy for your own DS, consider: how easy would it be for you, right now, to go into 4th grade as a student? The academic stuff would be meaninglessly easy yet the other aspects would be hard, hard, hard.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 18, 2016 10:03:18 GMT -5
It is so incredibly frustrating. I go from anger to sadness to guilt that this is my fault. I have this kid who since age 3 or 4 has appeared to "have it made". He should be able to just blow them out of the water in school and get into whatever college he wants, but instead he's self-sabotaging and crying woe is me. I just want to shake some sense into him. We only have one adolescent psychiatrist in town and she's booked up for three months out. The school turned in the paperwork for the psychologist yesterday and they said often there's a wait for that too, but the school is stressing it's urgent so hopefully that gets him to the front of the line. I appreciate all the stories about children and siblings with similar behaviors. It helps to know that at least SOME of them turned out ok in the end. Understand my point MPL. If you are feeling anger, sadness, guilt, that you need to take a step back because right now YOU care much more about it than he does. He has to have ownership. If he fails, he fails on his own accord. And, i know that nobody wants their kid to fail, but honestly, it is sometimes the best thing that can happen to them. You have to not accept responsibility for what is your son's responsibility. He needs to figure this out for himself. Yes, you can be on the sidelines helping in a supportive way, but he has to do this himself. My son struggled and struggled from 6 to 12 th grade. He had the ability to do what was assigned, he just didn't have the will to do it. I stepped back. It was his work, not mine. Then, we started having problems getting him up in time to catch the bus. I would yell and yell, set an alarm clock , etc. Finally, i said, I am done yelling. Get your own self up. Here's an alarm clock, set your phone. Well, of course the next day, he was sound asleep, alarms buzzing. Then, he finally get up and asked me to drive him to school. I said no. That, you better start hoofing it because it was a bit of a walk. He said well "Fine i will just skip school". I said, well "Fine, if you are going to skip school then you can be damn sure you are going to spend the entire day cleaning the house with me". A few minutes later, i saw him grab his back pack and out the door and he walked to school. The hardest thing for me was to step back. Was not to NOT play the game. To not rush in and try to fix it. If you are on the path to fail, well, then you can fail. I am not going to make myself hysterical and upset over work that you could do and could do easily. So, if you want to fail , then that is very unfortunate, but he had to OWN it. And, this won't change over night. I had to do this for several years. And, you know what, i didn't feel guilty or sad if he didn't do what he was supposed to do. He knew what he was supposed to do. He simply choose NOT. He choose that i didn't. And over time, and 2 years of working at BK and cleaning toilets and dealing with John Q Public convinced him that education was valuable and he just needed to do what he needed to do to have a better life. Hang in there MPL. Brace yourself. And, yes, support your child To the Extent That He is Helping Himself. If you care more about it than he does, then maybe he has to fail a few classes until it becomes important to him.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 10:13:04 GMT -5
Actually, a couple months before I got the call about the note my son had written, I'd started taking him to somebody through the EAP program at my job because I'd noticed changes in his behavior and I wanted to know how concerned I should be about them (turned out I should have been VERY concerned, as those were the first warning signs). When I would drop him off at school, his whole body language would change, like he was a totally different (angry) kid. At home, he was subdued, not his usual bouncing off the walls self.
The lady I was taking him to ended up telling me my son was acting the way he was just because he wanted to and basically I needed to punish him more. I disagreed, because it was so out of character for him so we stopped going to her. Shortly after that, I got the call about the note, I got him into therapy somewhere else immediately using my health insurance and that's when I started to learn what was really going on.
So now I'm a firm believer in telling people that if one professional isn't a good fit, try another one. Some of them are better at their jobs than others and some are just better with certain situations. I really wish she'd tried to get him to tell her what was really going on with him instead of just deciding he was a bad kid.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 10:16:07 GMT -5
Oh, I definitely care more about this than he does. I had dreams of scholarships and having a year of college wiped out with AP credits. I keep thinking I need to keep him above water until his brain kicks in. He's already probably going to have to go to the high school I hate. Also, the school makes it hard to just say screw it. I get emails and calls from the teachers all the time updating me on his assignment status. I feel like I'M a failure if the stuff doesn't get in. I think they already feel I'm not involved enough in his schooling, but man...I have to go to work all day, I have the house and another kid to take care of and I'm running all the time. I live in that damn van.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 10:18:41 GMT -5
Oh, and last night we were at McDonalds (yeah judge, but it's a 40 minute round trip to go home and younger son was having his visitation with his Dad!), anyhow, they had a hiring sign up and said they hire as young as 14. I wonder if throwing him in the workforce would do him some good. It was $10/hour and DS said, "see Mom, I could make almost as much as you without finishing middle school". I should put him up for adoption.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 18, 2016 10:22:36 GMT -5
It was $10/hour and DS said, "see Mom, I could make almost as much as you without finishing middle school"
I'd say call his bluff. Let him see how far working at McD's goes and how awesome a job it'd be to have for the rest of his life. I'd also make him start paying for his keep, let him see how far $10/hr REALLY goes. Sounds so much like my brother. My brother is finding out that his fantasy life of scooting along at the bottom doesn't match reality. Now that he's found out how far $9/hr actually goes when you don't have your parents to bail you out he's decided maybe he should do something with his life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2016 10:25:47 GMT -5
It was $10/hour and DS said, "see Mom, I could make almost as much as you without finishing middle school"
I'd say call his bluff. Let him see how far working at McD's goes and how awesome a job it'd be to have for the rest of his life. I'd also make him start paying for his keep, let him see how far $10/hr REALLY goes. Sounds so much like my brother. My brother is finding out that his fantasy of being poor/low income doesn't match reality. Now that he's been on that side of the fence he's considering doing something with his life. It was the taxes thing that threw him and he was thinking of my net after insurance and 401K. He didn't realize he would have to pay any "being a kid and all". Which is probably true, but he would still have SS coming out.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Feb 18, 2016 10:26:11 GMT -5
Oh, I definitely care more about this than he does. I had dreams of scholarships and having a year of college wiped out with AP credits. I keep thinking I need to keep him above water until his brain kicks in. He's already probably going to have to go to the high school I hate. Also, the school makes it hard to just say screw it. I get emails and calls from the teachers all the time updating me on his assignment status. I feel like I'M a failure if the stuff doesn't get in. I think they already feel I'm not involved enough in his schooling, but man...I have to go to work all day, I have the house and another kid to take care of and I'm running all the time. I live in that damn van. My son's brain didn't kick in until AFTER high school. As far as "dreams of scholarships", is it really that important? I mean the important thing is to stay strong, and keep on and so he can get to a place in life where is competent and self supporting. That could mean being a PhD or it could mean owning his own business or being a plumber. But, yeah, YOU have this thing called a Job. Which means, you already did your homework and now it is time to do his. The teachers have to update you and email, etc. They are required to do that. As for a pyschiatrist, it sounds like he has a good old fashioned case of Entitled Adolescent! I mean, maybe there are underlying issues and of course, explore that, but in reality my son simply had choosen to be lazy. But, i don't know your son or if there are other issues. He is old enough to know what is due. He is old enough to understand that and do the work. Deciding to not do it is not a mental illness, it just being a stubborn Boy, lol. Just keep pressing in the message "You have to do what you Don't want to do, in order to be able to do what you Do want to do". That was one of my mantras. And, there were many times, when i would butt heads. Like Sat morning is cleaning day here. Everyone has to get up and vacuum, clean the bathrooms, etc. And, once it is done, their day is free. Well, my son would just be like a stubborn donkey whereas my younger son was smart enough to just get it done and over with and then he was free to do what he wanted. So, older son wound up spending many Saturdays at home. And, i told him, that is what YOU choose and i don't feel bad for you to miss that party or whatever. YOu choose the behavior you choose the consequences so I hope your morning hissy was worth it for you to miss the entire day. So, have a nice day in your room!
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finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Feb 18, 2016 10:29:50 GMT -5
IME, no school really works with you/your child unless they are shown the need. Hence, I had full assessments done for mine. The cost was high and it was imperative that it be done. Schools - administrators, teachers - are very used to vocal and helicoptering parents and unmotivated kids. They need evidence from a third party that this is important, right now.
I empathize so completely with you. I was a single mother since DS was 5.
BTW, my DS had much less than stellar grades often. The key is that grades going up towards the last years of HS count much more to colleges. And AP - he can do it. Hang in there.
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